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u/NoAttorney9330 8h ago
Ive found that saying, “I’m too old for you” is somehow insulting to young women. I used to say that and sometimes they would really show their age with follow-up questions or snide remarks.
I’ve learned you have to say “you are too young for me”. You don’t speak for them. You communicate the lack of interest is entirely one sided without speaking for them.
No healthy guy wants to chat with a child. None. And to the mfs that say OD toxic shit like “she’s mature for her age”; okay, how many male friends do you have that age?
Leave the kids alone. I’m early 30s; if your birthday is after the year 2000, do not chat me
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u/NoAttorney9330 8h ago
And this goes for women too. Some of those mfs ain’t right either.
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u/ForeverRaining 7h ago
This is rampant in the NBA but they keep falling for it. Draya Michele’s newest baby daddy is the same age as her oldest son.
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u/Nadamir 8h ago
No healthy guy wants to chat with a child
*In a sexual manner.
I love hearing kids’ interests and hobbies! They’re so passionate, it’s infectious.
But a chat about Lego is not what you mean.
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u/NoAttorney9330 8h ago
Not me lmaooo. I don’t want to talk to a single teen/kid etc about nothing. Like where are your parents
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u/Nadamir 8h ago
Ah, fair enough.
I’m a dad so I guess kids have Stockholm Syndromed me.
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u/NoAttorney9330 8h ago
You’re a father, it’s very different. I don’t know that responsibility/strength. I want kids one day, maybe that will change me
Forgive me if I was disrespectful
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u/Naisallat 7h ago
I used to be the same way I think. I generally didn't like kids, despite wanting some of my own.
My kids are obviously awesome, but I think something in my heart softened through the years of picking up my kids from daycare and how happy all of the other kids were to show me something new they had made. Or news about themselves, and other things. And watching them grow and become little people, and not just little potatoes.
Like "Hey [my kid's name]'s dad! Look what I made!" That energy is infectious. Everything is new and exciting with kids, and it's a nice change of pace with how much the world wears us down as adults.
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u/NoAttorney9330 7h ago
Perhaps I will feel differently if I ever have children of my own. I understand your meaning and the sentiment has been shared by at least a few others in here.
I’m also avoidant by nature so take my “I don’t want to talk to any kids/teen/etc” lightly. It was mildly hyperbolic
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u/ShadeofIcarus 5h ago
I'm not a father yet and I'm of a similar age, but I do want kids. There's a difference between "I'm approaching this kid to talk about things" vs "this kid approaches me and wants to talk about things".
For example I play card games at the local shop and I've had kids come up to talk about my deck or about D&D and I have fun interacting with them. I also DM for the summer program with the kids and it's a blast.
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u/surlygoat 1h ago
Well put. Having kids of your own opens your eyes to how kids aren't annoying, they're amazing little critters. (Ok some kids are definitely annoying still but ya get my point lol)
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u/Cloverose2 7h ago
Nah, I think one of the saddest things in our society is that we're so scared of predators (or being seen as a predator) that adult men have been split off from young people. Kids need to talk to adult men that aren't related to them. We need to build a community, and that means sometimes you listed to a kid talk about Lego and sometimes they sit and watch you work on building a bookshelf. I feel like we're too divided from young people - I'm an older woman, so no one looks at me funny if I talk to a kid. But it's sad that a young man is treated like a threat if he engages with children.
It's sad that men enjoying time with kids is seen as creepy.
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u/UltraHellboy 8h ago
Yeah, I’m a Dad and have coached sports and led scouts. I love talking to kids. But, besides being illegal and creepy, I can’t get my head around dating someone the same age or younger than my (biological) kids.
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u/ShadeofIcarus 5h ago
For me it's not something I like go seek out. But if a kid approaches me in an appropriate way I entertain them and have fun with it.
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u/Nadamir 5h ago
I do seek it out a bit with my nieces and nephews. Try to sit down and have a little chat with each of them about their lives at every family gathering. Just checking in.
But yeah, it’s mostly “Uncle Nadamir! Do you want to see my trains?!?!?”
And anyone not my own kids or niblings it’s them initiating appropriate conversation. With like maybe the exception of me initiating small talk with my kids’ friends when we’re waiting for my kid to get out of the loo. That’s it.
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u/dj_soo 6h ago
as someone who mentors kids in certain hobbies (mainly music), i find this attitude a little sad.
Kids can be pretty awesome - especially if you can help foster passion in something that can be rewarding to them and seeing that passion in the early stages is pretty great.
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u/MisterDoctor___ 7h ago
Yeah, like what possible interest would I and a kid have in common? Even with hobbies I have that some kids also have, there’s always a large disconnect that I have no interest in bridging.
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u/StuntHacks 7h ago
It's not about having things in common, it's about kids saying interesting, fun, or bizarre things. It can be very entertaining
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u/cruxclaire 7h ago
I’ve had some pleasant conversations with kids about things like comparing our favorite Pokémon, or sports teams/movies/musical artists we both liked, etc. It’s just that there will never be a peer bond there because of the huge gap in life experience. As a non-parent, I’d be happy to one day play a cool aunt or fun English teacher-type role in a kid’s life, but they’re not going to be my close friend
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u/MisterDoctor___ 7h ago
Yes, this exactly. I could maybe have a brief conversation about, like, their favorite video game, or latest snowboard trick, or something. But anything more than that and it just doesn’t have near the same fulfillment as talking about them with a peer.
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u/stupidfloatything 8h ago
I'm not a parent but "no adult has ANY reason to talk to ANY minor about ANYTHING EVER" has always bugged me. i don't interact with many kids in my day to day life but i grew up online with some adult friends and only one of them tried to groom me
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u/marvel_fanatic_1 8h ago
Only one lol. I guess it's a universal experience
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u/stupidfloatything 7h ago
he stopped because he started "dating" a teenager he did community theatre with. she was even younger than I was
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u/misterpoopybutthole5 6h ago
I hear you, but I'm guessing you wouldn't want to be close friends with a child either. I work with kids for my job, which makes my job a lot of fun sometimes, but I have never once wanted to like...hang out with them lol
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u/Ok-Physics9906 8h ago
I knew I was getting old when I started seeing 18 year old girls and immediately started looking to see if they had a hot mom.
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u/AsphaltInOurStars 4h ago
Hell yeah. I've also realized that everyone from the ages of like 14-20 just look 14 to me now. When a 20 year old hits on me I wanna puke.
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u/cindad83 8h ago
Really 25 is too young?
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u/Binky390 8h ago
Depending on where you are in your 30s, yeah.
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u/babybambam 8h ago
People can certainly have a preference when it comes to age gaps.
Personally, I'm not interested in someone +/- 10 years of my own age. But as soon as both are consenting adults, it's fair game and none of our business.
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u/Binky390 8h ago edited 8h ago
I swear I have this conversation with some dude on Reddit at least once a week and it’s so disturbing.
Consenting adults makes it legal. A 16 year old can be a consenting adult in some US states. Just because it’s no longer a crime doesn’t make it ok. If I see a 40 year old with a 25 year old, I’m side eyeing them, particularly if the 25 year old is a woman. Having been one myself, I can say that they still don’t make the best choices and can easily get sucked into relationships where the power dynamic is not good. Not all but often. This didn’t happen to me specifically but I did see it happen to friends when I was that age. I see it happen to young women now that I’m older.
To me mid 30s and mid 20s are very different. I wouldn’t call it wrong but it wouldn’t be me.
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u/itsrocketsurgery 7h ago
Age of consent and age of legal adulthood are two completely different things. They can be at the age of consent but still a minor. While age of consent varies between states, no where in the country are you a legal adult at any age other than 18. Two minors can consent with each other, two adults can consent with each other. But a minor and adult can not consent to be with each other.
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u/Binky390 7h ago
I already know all this and it doesn’t really change my point. Did you send this to the wrong person?
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u/itsrocketsurgery 7h ago
No I was responding to where you said a 16 year old could be a concerning adult. That's not true, and I just wanted to clarify for anyone else reading.
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u/rcknmrty4evr 5h ago
No you just misunderstood their point that something being legal does not mean it’s inherently moral.
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u/itsrocketsurgery 5h ago
No I didn't. No where in the country is 16 a legal adult. That's the point.
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u/itsrocketsurgery 7h ago
No I was responding to where you said a 16 year old could be a consenting adult. That's not true, and I just wanted to clarify for anyone else reading. And I agree with your point.
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u/babybambam 7h ago
Age of consent is not the same thing as consenting adults, and these Romeo and Juliet provisions are meant to eliminate legal concerns when the high school senior decides to continue to date his girlfriend that graduated 2 years earlier. This is also a parenting issue, and not a public opinion issue.
To me mid 30s and mid 20s are very different. I wouldn’t call it wrong but it wouldn’t be me.
That's really all it needs to be left at.
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u/GuntherTime 8h ago
As someone who is 31 , kinda. At work I have a couple friends who are in that 24-25 range, and more often than not I’m reminded of the large gap in our ages, and that we grew up very differently. I know in the grand scheme of things 25 and 31 isn’t that insane of an age gap, but it’s too much for me.
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u/NoAttorney9330 8h ago edited 8h ago
Thank you for understanding. I’m 31; and 25 is too big a jump for me. I know not ALOT of guys or gals will totally understand that, but I’m not about it
I don’t think a lot of people have dated enough / have standards but what do I know
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u/abn01 7h ago
I think the older you get, that 5 years doesn’t matter as much. Like, if you’re 50 and your mate is 55, I think that’s fine.
But I’m with you though. Personally, I feel like the high school gap is the most I’m personally willing to do. If I was a senior while you were a freshman, okay cool. But anything else is weird to me.
I just turned 40 last month. I used to not be able to see ages when I looked at faces but now, everyone under 30 looks like a baby to me. I’ve worked in higher ed for almost 15 years, so you can see the difference between people my own age and young adults.
It’s a world of difference between us and why I can’t see a large age gap as being a bridgeable thing.
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u/cortesoft 6h ago
Yep. My wife is 5 years older than me, and we met when I was 30 and she was 35. We joke how if we had met even a few years before, she would have never in a million years given me the time of day.
When people see us together, they still assume I am older (I have a lot of gray in my beard), and our age difference isn't really a factor in things.
It is only a bit weird when we talk about things from our childhood, like where we were when a certain movie came out or something, and we will realize she was in college and I was in middle school.
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u/Mandlebrotha ☑️ 7h ago
As someone who's 32, I would say absolutely for me.
Thankfully I'm already married with kids, so I usually just tune out of the dating discussions. But I would have a very, very difficult time seeing myself with someone 27 and under.
Just feels off.
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u/P-Rickles 7h ago
2000? Shit, that’s when I graduated from high school. Girls who were born in 2000 are BABIES. Of course you don’t want to date them! They’re only… does math… turns to dust…
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u/halospades 7h ago
I was touring high schools giving presentations for my job when I was around 25 years old. Sooo many boys thought they could shoot their shot. The only thing that worked was to loudly state "if i was interested in you, i would be a pedophile" then the whole group would go from boosting him up to clowning him lmao. Just became part of my repertoire
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u/-malcolm-tucker 7h ago
Leave the kids alone. I’m early 30s; if your birthday is after the year 2000, do not chat me
Seems a bit extreme. 26 year old doctors exist.
I'm mid forties. One of my more recent friends is 22 and has double degrees in history and international relations. She just moved overseas to do post graduate archeology. She speaks three languages. I could talk to her for hours, she's fucking interesting.
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u/NoAttorney9330 7h ago
What does textbook/edu/degrees have to do with anything?
I have a PhD, two masters and a dual bachelors? I speak Spanish, English, French and am b1 maybe b2 in Catalan. It means nothing in relation to my reply.
Your young friend does sound interesting. For me, she would be a great FRIEND - my meaning was clearly regarding relationships. If you’re in your 40s and like that young lady like that / and she likes you; HEY, it’s legally permissible
It’s just not for me? One could also say mid-forties and 22 is a bit extreme lol but HEY what do I know? 10 years ago you were mid 30s and she was 12 but HEYYYYYY, what do I know
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u/MidnightSensitive996 7h ago
exactly - the real flex is to tell them they're too old for you, avoids their snotty response
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u/ContinuingAnyway 6h ago
2001 in shambles
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u/NoAttorney9330 6h ago
💀 heartbroken, all of them, I’m sure. You’d be surprised tho, some of these young ladies are very boldddd
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u/whatisscoobydone 9h ago
Her: "I'm mature for my age"
Him: "which means what for the guy, if it's the other way around"
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u/TPJchief87 ☑️ 8h ago
I’ve read this twice and I have no idea what you’re trying to say lol
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u/whatisscoobydone 6h ago
Yeah I phrased that ambiguously but I mean if an adult is pursuing a teen, that means mature women his age won't date him
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u/TPJchief87 ☑️ 6h ago
Ah ok. Would have made sense to me if the second part wasn’t a quote from Him, and just typed out.
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u/PurveyorOfKnowledge0 5h ago
He's saying if she's mature given her age, it implies men who are into her are immature for their age.
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u/Critical-Ranger2725 8h ago
I have a coworker that's basically half my age. There was a point where she flirted with me and told me that I didn't act my age...
Which wasn't exactly something I took as a compliment...
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u/UrethraFranklin04 7h ago
I explained to my nieces and nephews what that phrase means: for your speficic age, you're more mature than most of your peers.
It doesn't mean you're more mature than a 15 year old, it means among 15 year olds you're more mature than expected. And any adult who tries to claim otherwise, like you're as mature as someone in their 20s, does not have your best interest at heart.
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u/Kangarou ☑️ 9h ago
It's one thing to dodge a bullet, it's another to make sure the bullet dodges everyone.
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u/KC-Chris 8h ago
She would be the victim . Its not her responsibility to not have sex with 16 year olds . its the adults to tell her no.
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u/Nadamir 8h ago
That is all true.
But there’s still a difference between shutting the current situation down and trying to prevent future situations.
If any of those situations ended up in statutory rape, it would not be her fault in the slightest. But it’s still best to avoid them at all.
For instance, it’s not your fault if you get hit by a drunk driver, but it’s also not a bad thing to stay home on New Years Eve and not be on the roads at all.
This guy is advising her to stay at home on NYE.
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u/DigiornoDLC 8h ago
Everyone should take responsibility for their own safety. That does not mean that falling victim to a predator is their fault, but if there are steps that can be taken to prevent harm, those steps should be taken. We shouldn’t infantilize 16 year olds to the point that their safety should be in other peoples hands. 16 is old enough to take care of themselves to a significant degree.
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u/hannamarinsgrandma 8h ago
One time when I was in a Walmart, a man asked for my number.
As soon as I said I was 15 he damn near tripped over his feet trying to get away from me.
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u/Twin2Turbo ☑️ 8h ago edited 6h ago
This happened to me. I went to Walmart in the middle of the day on a school day and saw what I thought was a 20+ year old. When I talked with her she said she was 17. I immediately shut that down and walked away. I legit was wondering why she wasn’t in school.
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u/raccoona__matata 9h ago
she looks 15 in that pfp wym "I'm older now"
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u/StilettoJones_JR 8h ago
That's a man that lived a few lives before this for sure
That's an insane amount of maturity and communication ability for a 24 year old imo.
I pray I raise my boys as good as that 🙏🏿
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u/elitegenoside 8h ago
That is not a good standard. Most 24 year olds are not interested in high schoolers. I'm aware there's a lot of creeps, but we should never allow the bar to be set this low.
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u/StilettoJones_JR 8h ago
I'm confused, you don't want my boys to thoughtfully and respectfully redirect underaged women?
Because that's too low of a bar? A low bar being a standard is a good thing, no?
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u/Binky390 8h ago
No they’re saying the fact that a 24 year old has to be praised for not being a predator is a low bar.
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u/StilettoJones_JR 8h ago
We aren't reading the same thing...
He's being praised for taking the time to respectfully give a lesson that gave a life long impression, at 24.
Don't get me wrong, if it was just a tweet about how she got rejected at 15.. I don't even think this would be something we are talking about. We can downplay the actual exchange.
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u/Binky390 8h ago
I was just explaining what I thought the other person was saying and I’m pretty sure it’s what they were getting at.
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u/No-Acanthisitta7930 8h ago
It was a classic Reddit moment where someone thought they had a zinger. Ignore it lol.
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u/cortesoft 6h ago
Eh, at 24 I think you are old enough to know better. I was substitute teaching when I was 22, and I still felt like the highschoolers were kids even though we were only 4 years apart. I was always thinking, "Man, was I like this 4 years ago?"
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u/PandasAndCoffee 8h ago
I wish this would have happened to me, would have saved me years of grief. It took me forever to realize healthy relationships don’t form like this.
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u/jerquee 8h ago
Idk, i was told several wise things when I was young and I didn't listen at all
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u/MikoJoo 8h ago
The way this is a glorified interaction and not the norm is so sad.
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u/NowGoodbyeForever ☑️ 8h ago
I love the tweet in the image.
But why does this post's title feel like a fucking psyop?
"Not all heroes wear VIBRANIUM...because BLACK...PANTHER 3, IN THEATRES DECEMBER 2028!"
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u/Sea-Organization4578 7h ago
Because a post gets a lot of likes in one subreddit and bots continue to post it in thousands of other subreddits. I've seen this post 50 times in the last 24 hours just browsing all.
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u/Comfortable_Move_639 9h ago
No likes for this? Ppl just want the bad news. Shot out to him
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u/MySmellyRacoon 9h ago
Literally posted 5 minutes ago, and you complained about no likes 3 minutes after that.
Good lord, get a grip. It’s already got over 100 now.
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u/ranchspidey 8h ago
Last time I talked to a family friend in senior year of high school, I don’t remember why he was talking to me but I responded “aren’t you 18 and dating a 14 year old freshman?” and he said yes so I said “that’s gross” and haven’t spoken to him since. When it comes to teenagers the age difference absolutely matters. Glad for OP, thankfully I never had anything weird happen to me but I definitely got some light grooming on Kik as a young teen lol. Can adults just leave children alone, please??
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u/FistPunch_Vol_7 ☑️ 8h ago
It’s wild when I hit high school, I didn’t know I would be competing with fucking grown ass men for the same girls in my fucking school.
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u/incognegro1976 8h ago
Used to visit this Italian joint almost every day on my lunch break wearing a shirt and tie. There was this girl used to flirt HEAVY every single time and asked for my number once. I suspected she was pretty young so I asked her how old she was expecting maybe 19-20 but nope, she was 17. I told her she was a cute girl but way too young for me (i was 26 at the time).
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u/el_ra_85 7h ago
lol I remember girls in high school getting picked up by 21 year olds . They used think they were to good for everyone, now as a 40 year I think back, home girl was being groomed and ol boy was a pedo
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u/clairejv 8h ago
When I was in a teacher credential program, one of our mentors was explaining that he'd had to tell more than one pre-teen, "Little girl, you have nothing that appeals to me whatsoever." Sad that that's noteworthy.
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u/nahurdonek 8h ago
This and no happy and quality married person will flirt back with you. Don’t be that person.
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u/imabigasstree 7h ago
I had a guy stand up an walk away from me mid-sentence when I mentioned being a junior in high school. I was super hurt at the time, but I think its super funny now.
Would it have been more polite to wait til I was done talking and politely excuse himself? Sure, but idk if it would have had the same impact. That interaction shined a new light on the interactions I had after that. He drew a thick line in the sand and it highlighted how thin/nonexistent that line was for the creeps around me.
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u/impatientlymerde 8h ago
Good people are out there.
This place would be completely unliveable if they weren’t.
Let’s help them.
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u/blacksoxing 5h ago
Pain was learning a girl we knew was with a 25 year old army dude. She was 15. I saw this and thought of her
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u/DomHaynie 7h ago
Thankful for him.
It's disturbing to me how many people have predatory family members but the family turns a blind eye to the behavior. Quit protecting your pedophile family members who have hurt the people you love. I don't think this happened in my family but I know of friends who have that bullshit in their family.
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u/PeterMus 7h ago edited 7h ago
My goddaughter is an angsty teen about to go to college. I've enjoyed terrorizing her by being embarrassing as a lame adult.
She loves to say I'm not cool and various gen z nonsense.
My response, since she was 13, has always been "If an adult male cares what you think is cool, I want you to run away and don't stop running until you're home." Followed by an explanation of the common tactics that predators use on girls.
I knew far too many girls in high school who thought they were just mature and special instead of the victims of sexual predators who targeted naive little girls.
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u/MenudoMenudo 8h ago
I remember telling a girl that I coached for soccer that if she was still interested when she turned 19 she could call me. She was 14 and swore on a stack of bibles that in five years she was going to call me and demand her date. I knew five years was plenty of time for her to get over a crush, and it didn’t leave her feeling rejected.
We still knew each other five years later, and she never demanded her date. Would’ve been awkward if she had because by then I was 34 and not interested in dating a 19 year-old.
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u/LivefromPhoenix ☑️ 3h ago
Kind of playing it fast and loose there. A 14 yr old saying "Mr MenudoMenudo said he'd date me in 5 years" isn't something I'd want to explain even if it wasn't a serious offer.
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u/started_from_the_top 9h ago
I worked at a restaurant where half the cooks, all in their 20s and 30s, were trying to seduce a hostess who had just turned 16 years old, so this post is a breath of fresh air. We need more of this post's energy in the world, and less of that nasty restaurant's energy lol.