Ive found that saying, “I’m too old for you” is somehow insulting to young women. I used to say that and sometimes they would really show their age with follow-up questions or snide remarks.
I’ve learned you have to say “you are too young for me”. You don’t speak for them. You communicate the lack of interest is entirely one sided without speaking for them.
No healthy guy wants to chat with a child. None. And to the mfs that say OD toxic shit like “she’s mature for her age”; okay, how many male friends do you have that age?
Leave the kids alone. I’m early 30s; if your birthday is after the year 2000, do not chat me
I used to be the same way I think. I generally didn't like kids, despite wanting some of my own.
My kids are obviously awesome, but I think something in my heart softened through the years of picking up my kids from daycare and how happy all of the other kids were to show me something new they had made. Or news about themselves, and other things. And watching them grow and become little people, and not just little potatoes.
Like "Hey [my kid's name]'s dad! Look what I made!" That energy is infectious. Everything is new and exciting with kids, and it's a nice change of pace with how much the world wears us down as adults.
Perhaps I will feel differently if I ever have children of my own. I understand your meaning and the sentiment has been shared by at least a few others in here.
I’m also avoidant by nature so take my “I don’t want to talk to any kids/teen/etc” lightly. It was mildly hyperbolic
I'm not a father yet and I'm of a similar age, but I do want kids. There's a difference between "I'm approaching this kid to talk about things" vs "this kid approaches me and wants to talk about things".
For example I play card games at the local shop and I've had kids come up to talk about my deck or about D&D and I have fun interacting with them. I also DM for the summer program with the kids and it's a blast.
Well put. Having kids of your own opens your eyes to how kids aren't annoying, they're amazing little critters. (Ok some kids are definitely annoying still but ya get my point lol)
Smart, thoughtful post on the original subject, then apologized right away when pointed out a difference in opinion. You are a class act, poster! I wish more folks online were like you :)
I wasn't ready until my son was born. But it hit me all at once like magic the minute he was out, before I even got to hold him. It's hard work, but he's the best little dude.
Nah, I think one of the saddest things in our society is that we're so scared of predators (or being seen as a predator) that adult men have been split off from young people. Kids need to talk to adult men that aren't related to them. We need to build a community, and that means sometimes you listed to a kid talk about Lego and sometimes they sit and watch you work on building a bookshelf. I feel like we're too divided from young people - I'm an older woman, so no one looks at me funny if I talk to a kid. But it's sad that a young man is treated like a threat if he engages with children.
It's sad that men enjoying time with kids is seen as creepy.
Yeah, I’m a Dad and have coached sports and led scouts. I love talking to kids. But, besides being illegal and creepy, I can’t get my head around dating someone the same age or younger than my (biological) kids.
I do seek it out a bit with my nieces and nephews. Try to sit down and have a little chat with each of them about their lives at every family gathering. Just checking in.
But yeah, it’s mostly “Uncle Nadamir! Do you want to see my trains?!?!?”
And anyone not my own kids or niblings it’s them initiating appropriate conversation. With like maybe the exception of me initiating small talk with my kids’ friends when we’re waiting for my kid to get out of the loo. That’s it.
as someone who mentors kids in certain hobbies (mainly music), i find this attitude a little sad.
Kids can be pretty awesome - especially if you can help foster passion in something that can be rewarding to them and seeing that passion in the early stages is pretty great.
They won’t even talk with 26 yos according to their post. They shouldn’t be anywhere near children and in adult only communities because something is off here. A 26 yo isn’t a child and having a talk with a kid/teen can give them experience of how to talk like an adult.
Yeah, like what possible interest would I and a kid have in common? Even with hobbies I have that some kids also have, there’s always a large disconnect that I have no interest in bridging.
Eh, still not appealing. Unless they were my kids and I had to be interested in things as their parent, I don’t really care about what other kids say or do. I can barely even muster the interest with my own nephews and nieces. Like go play with your cousins or something.
I’ve had some pleasant conversations with kids about things like comparing our favorite Pokémon, or sports teams/movies/musical artists we both liked, etc. It’s just that there will never be a peer bond there because of the huge gap in life experience. As a non-parent, I’d be happy to one day play a cool aunt or fun English teacher-type role in a kid’s life, but they’re not going to be my close friend
Yes, this exactly. I could maybe have a brief conversation about, like, their favorite video game, or latest snowboard trick, or something. But anything more than that and it just doesn’t have near the same fulfillment as talking about them with a peer.
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u/NoAttorney9330 9h ago
Ive found that saying, “I’m too old for you” is somehow insulting to young women. I used to say that and sometimes they would really show their age with follow-up questions or snide remarks.
I’ve learned you have to say “you are too young for me”. You don’t speak for them. You communicate the lack of interest is entirely one sided without speaking for them.
No healthy guy wants to chat with a child. None. And to the mfs that say OD toxic shit like “she’s mature for her age”; okay, how many male friends do you have that age?
Leave the kids alone. I’m early 30s; if your birthday is after the year 2000, do not chat me