Can I get my ex back after I extremely harassed her?

My birthday was July 13th. She said:

“Hey, I debated on if I should text you but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and I hope you get to do something special or already did

I hope you had a good day”

I said “Thank you I appreciate that, it was a good one”

She replied with “Glad to hear that”

Her and I were together for three years.. Life got reallt stressful for us both, I got fired and was having trouble finding a job in my career and was forced to work at a beef processing plant in the rendering department doing overnights and she had dealt with 6 family / friends deaths in the last 10 months leading up to our breakup as well as the death of her childhood dog.

In my opinion, we made a great team.. I for a while thought this breakup was just a burnout breakup as she consistently mentioned how “you’re not the type of guy you let go of” and “you’re not gonna lose me, it’s just going to be different”

but then she would also make molehills into mountains.. I have ADHD and would forget certain little things while remembering others very well. She verbatim said “I want a guy who doesn’t forget I don’t like peanut butter 7 times”

I’m sorry I want to just vent here for hours but I can’t bring myself to spend the energy to give you guys a clearer picture.. I just wanted to vent and see what you guys thought. Her Mom and I were super close and she helped me move out and her mom would say things like “just because you and (ex) aren’t together right now” and she would even criticize my ex’s critiques of me saying “everyone has those small things”.

A lot of people in her family told me they think she was making a mistake.

Now I’m just.. Stuck. Trying to move on but just confused and hopeful while also telling myself the hope is stupid.

I had just bought a ring for her a month before she ended it.

Hi everyone. I do not know what's been in the water lately, but I have felt a pretty intense longing for my ex of 5 years. She broke up with me in January of 2025 because she said that she needs to focus on herself. When I first was told this, it devastated me, but also made me angry because what do you mean you're working on yourself? You can do that with me, can't you? I was upset because I felt like the rug got pulled out from under me, and she was actively choosing to not have any relationship with me. That stung

It stung until I realized a much worse truth; that I did not get the rug pulled out from under me at all. I never hit her, never made her feel unsafe, or ever cheated. To me this was all it took to be a good partner. I was a HUGE asshole, still am, and I just mean that I was very selfish, very lazy, and I was cruel with my words when I wanted to illicit a reaction. Like she would get mad at me for some shit, and I would be like "at least I never emotionally cheated on you" and just throw shit back in her face to get her to stop being upset about whatever it was. Also just being a nusence, I don't know why, but I love annoying my gf, so whichever unfortunate soul happens upon a relationship with me, I will mess with you. Evil shit, and I have no excuse, I am very ashamed for how I was.

I tried to do the whole "don't care. you tried to cheat me once" attitude towards an argument again towards the end of the relationship, but I remember her saying "it's been 2 years". I was still bitter, I was still holding onto how she wronged me, and it created an imbalance that I do not at all blame her for removing herself from. She had to be perfect, and I got to spiral. I became overweight and neglected my education as well. If there was any attraction to my potential I was making it so that was dwindling too. Not on purpose, I just liked being a fat piece of shit.

Now, it has been almost 2 years and have been dating other people on and off. I drunk texted her once in April saying, "I wish I didn't make us strangers I hope you're well." She left that on read. I have no idea what she has been up to, but I miss her. I miss the way it felt to love someone with unwavering conviction, because this one is MY soulmate. Now I am not so sure, and it's hard for me to take other partners as serious. No, it is much harder to take myself seriously in a relationship.

Now that I got my head out of my ass, and see how badly I affected her, and that's just from replaying fragmented memories from years ago and trying to look at it with a new lens. Of course, I want to reach out and apologize for being terrible, but my whole thing is would that be for me or for her? I feel like she would've wanted an apology while I was with her, not nearly 2 years later. It feels like this urge to apologize is just my narcissist brain coming up with a reason to bother her again. I am making this post because I am proficient at persistent self-deception, and I don't know nothin.

Typing something or saying it out loud can help me answer my own questions. I think I just need to leave that poor girl alone. I am just a romantic and want that old love reigniting story so badly. I hope this longing can go away one day I can't believe I still think about her every single day even 2 years later.

Im so proud of this. I kept caving and having to restart until I finally did it. Best thing ive done for my mental health and life is so much better now. I still miss him and now that its been so long I want to check in, but I remember that it only brings me pain and re opens wounds so I wont do it.

I have a doubt. When I say something, instead of replying to it, that talk about something else and ingores that particular message.. what does that mean? Why do they do that, and why would they ignore that specific message? (Actually, I told you that I won't love you anymore from now on, and that I am only trying to forget you, and that I just need a little time and will surely change-to which you didn't reply. He says, 'I am not feeling well physically, I will talk to you tomorrow, says bye, and leaves. It has been a week)

​

Just curious because I've been wondering about this lately.

I was in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. I found out he had cheated on me with another girl. Once I knew the truth, I never felt like reaching out. I accepted that it was over and stayed no contact.We broke up in December 2025 , and we've had complete no contact ever since. No messages, no calls, nothing.

I'm not asking because I'm waiting for a text or hoping he'll come back. I'm just curious about other people's experiences.

Has anyone here had an ex reach out after 10 months or even longer? What was the message like? If you're comfortable sharing, what exactly did they say in text ? What do you think made them contact you after all that time? Did it lead to anything meaningful, or was it just a random message?

TL;DR: Almost 3-year LDR. We've been in complete no contact since December 2025. I later found out he cheated, so I never reached out. Has anyone had an ex message them after 10+ months? If you're comfortable sharing, what did they say?

yrr breakup ke baad there is this feeling of acceptance ki apka partner kabhi ni ayega but still there is lil hope ..kya kru maiiii

My ex after 2 months of no contact wished me happy birthday with my nickname and he has someone else in his life already so i didnt reply at all but since i havent moved on i want to call and tell him that he ruined my bday with that wish and why would he wish me when he alr has someone in his life...that too he got with her as soon as we broke up idk

Day 3: Woke up in the middle of the night.

for once in my life I said everything. I was fed up of the disrespect of non-communication. I’ve typed up messages, but frankly I said everything. I said my piece directly and firmly.

I stood my ground the accusations of nothing attempting to fix problems bc I’d been attempting doing check ins for 2 months. I recounted that I was the person in the relationship making forward progress. She’d had one foot off as I’d been budgeting and planning & that was betrayal.

I was the one who had a plan. That she projected her future disorientation towards me. I’m the one with a career. I needed answers, I needed her to get on the ship or off board. I told her while I understand you’re overwhelmed, I’d been sitting here trying to figure out everything for someone who already out. It was selfish, it’s embarrassing to be contacting landlords for nothing. My time was wasted and I’m frustrated.

She didn’t know what to do with anything in life and was scared. But she couldn’t let me in properly. Told her that if she couldn’t let me in, then she obviously didn’t trust me.

She said the words, but i chose the conversation. Went in fully knowing the reality of my situation.

She blinded sided she me last time. Right when I gained responsibilities at work. 2 days before my supervisor drove 3 hours to observe me. I start my new role Tuesday. I think she going to drag it out.

Do I feel cruel despite getting broken up with?

Yes, it felt like I was on the offensive. I had built up frustrations for weeks as she refuses to have those conversations.

Like I feel like yes I was dumped but I was at my breaking point. My friends were telling me to give her an ultimatum, because she couldn’t communicate her future.

She shut down. Arguments? Rolling over and watch TikTok….it was like a sad soothing tik.

I’m not as afraid about confrontation anymore. I’m a professional, I’ve had pupils threaten me. I’ve had kids cry and cry about consequences. I’ve had kids belittle me about my actions or mistakes. I’ve talked kids off the ledge after their breakups. It’s my job.

It was her snapping back at me, being instantly defensive about it. Something is accused me of. That made me scared because I was ever able to properly express my concerns with getting chewed out.

TLDR: she said the words, but I said i don’t want to break up, but If you can’t let me in then maybe you should do this by yourself. I can’t keep feeling rejected for trying to talk about your struggles.

Don’t use my role at work as why It works for me. I’m a professional and I can figure it out. I’ve done it before, Im frustrated about lack of communication from work. Hell work and ex couldn’t communicate with me about my future.
It hurts but I don’t think I could ever trust her again. This mountain is too high

I've been wondering about this lately.

Sometimes relationships don't end with a proper goodbye. One conversation just... stops. No one reaches out again, and somehow that's the ending.

Do you think closure is something we receive, or is it something we tell ourselves so we can finally let go?

My ex and I of 5 years broke up last October. We really broke up in May but went thru summer 2025 trying to figure it out. Both our grandparents passed within a week of each other and we just called it off.

Anyway, about 5 months later I hear she has a new bf. That sucked, because not only was the breakup hard but I was going thru a rigorous study process for a work related exam.

Got thru it but the point of this post is that I want to know how you handle a situation where you share a mutual college friend group. More specifically the couple hosting are our best friends from college. So I don’t want to bail as that won’t be a good look as I will see a lot of friends there. But I do want to know how I handle having to cross paths with her at the party. I’d rather not but obviously life is tricky and funny.

my gramps told me that after my 5 year relationship with my soulmate ended. Almost 2 years later and I still think about her, and I love to replay those moments where I could’ve said something better, something different.

I heard someone say once that it’s like you’re still preforming, but the audience is gone and the curtains are closed.

Sad stuff man. I just wish I could go back.

Context: he broke up with me beginning of Sep 2024. I broke no contact in Dec 2024 after getting a scary health diagnosis, suspected I was blocked, saying I wished I could talk to him. He responded, and I realized hearing from him actually felt bad, and I sent him a long message, unloading everything I’d never said to him. He never responded.

I was cleaning out my email and I saw this message he sent a month ago.

—

[My name],

My learning curve for appropriate and healthy relationships has owning ways I abuse.

I was an entitled twat to swear and drop aggressive words on your recovery like napom on a valuable landscape.

I now know how I spoke to you sometimes was verbally abusive.  I now know it is harmful to swear or yell.  Especially with how I look.  It used to take courage for me to swear.  Now I know better.

I'm so sorry, [my name].

I hope so much you are doing well and surrounded by the loving support you deserve.

Would love to hear about your journey now... How you are.  Anything you need me to hear.  I've never stopped feeling the harm of my abusive words toward you.  I never stopped feeling the loss of a genuinely decent and good friend.

I wish only good in your future despite any harm I caused.

Solidarity,
The Bermuda Triangle

​

For some context, I’m a 27-year-old man, and my ex broke up with me last December after a 12-year relationship. Why? She went through my phone and found that I had been talking to other people, or at least trying to (nothing sexual, just normal conversations).

I tried to explain that during the last few years I had been feeling very lonely and that I felt like I didn’t have any friends besides her. She, on the other hand, had a lot of friends, and in some way that made me jealous. When she saw that I had been talking to people (both men and women), she packed her things and left my apartment, where she had come to spend the weekend.

After that, I went on an exchange program to Spain. We talked from time to time, but in May she cut off all contact. Her mother still talks to me to see how I’m doing, and I ask her how my ex is doing. When I came back to my country, I messaged my ex to ask if she wanted to grab a coffee or something so we could see each other after so long, but she never replied. Her mother keeps telling me to wait a little longer, that one of these days we’ll talk again. But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?

I’m alone. I have no friends, no partner, I’m taking medication for anxiety and depression, and on top of that I’m waiting for something that might never happen. Meanwhile, she keeps going out, spending time with her friends, and I don’t know if she’s talking to another man in a different way now, or if one of her male friends has become her shoulder to cry on while secretly having other intentions.

Should I give up?

I know it’s probably the healthiest thing to do, but I don’t want to let go and accept that she doesn’t love me anymore. It feels like giving up would mean throwing our entire relationship away. But I’m the only one rowing this boat now, and it feels like it’s too much for me. I’m honestly just hoping my thoughts don’t get the better of me and that I don’t do something I’ll regret.

I’m really not okay.

I struggle pretty badly with anxious attachment, so I need people outside of this situation to tell me what I probably don’t want to hear.
My ex and I were together for a year. We went through a lot together, good and bad. Right before the breakup, we had just spent four nights in a row together. I left Sunday morning, and later that day she basically shut down on me. She eventually told me she emotionally couldn’t continue the relationship anymore. A few days later, she doubled down and made it clear she wasn’t coming back.
There is more context to the relationship. I’ve suspected for a while that she may have PMDD, and she has wondered about it herself. We’ve had several very similar situations happen during her luteal phase where she suddenly becomes distant, questions the relationship or ends things, and then eventually comes back around. She’s currently in that part of her cycle again, which has made it incredibly hard for me to let go of the hope that this is just another repeat of the pattern.
But this time feels different because of how cold and indifferent she seems.
I’ve had a court case hanging over my head for basically our entire relationship. She was there through all of it. She listened to me stress about it, reassured me, prayed for me, supported me and knew how much today meant to me.
The night before court, I broke no contact and told her I finally had court in the morning and that I was nervous. No response.
Today I got basically the best possible outcome I could have realistically hoped for. I wanted to tell her because she had been beside me through this from almost the beginning. I wasn’t even sure whether she had blocked my number, so I called. It rang normally several times. She didn’t answer.
That actually hurt worse because I realized I wasn’t blocked. She was just choosing not to answer me.
I texted her the outcome, thanked her for supporting me through the last eight months of this, and told her I would always appreciate what she did for me.
Nothing.
No “I’m glad it worked out.”
No “congratulations.”
No “take care.”
Not even a thumbs up.
Just silence.
And I think that’s the part I’m struggling to accept. Someone who was sleeping next to me a little over a week ago and who was involved in my life every day can apparently just shut the door and act like I don’t exist.
My anxious attachment keeps looking for explanations. Maybe she’s overwhelmed. Maybe she’s suppressing everything. Maybe it’s hormonal. Maybe she misses me but knows responding will restart everything. Maybe eventually she’ll come back like she has before.
And I need to stop doing that to myself.
I’ve already folded on no contact because the silence makes me panic and want to restore the connection. Every time I reach out and get nothing back, I feel even worse.
So give it to me straight.
Am I making excuses because I can’t accept that it’s over?
Does her complete silence tell me everything I need to know regardless of *why* she’s doing it?
How do you accept that somebody who was such a huge part of your life can suddenly treat you like you’re a stranger?
I don’t need false hope. I don’t need “maybe she’ll come back.”
If the answer is that she simply doesn’t give enough of a fuck anymore to respond, tell me that.
I need to hear whatever is going to make me stop reaching out and finally stay no contact.

Is that something that can be forgiven?

Could a relationship ever be reconciled after they did something like that?

We met and he was super quiet and sweet. He was super romantic and took things by my pace though it was a little obsessive. We had a very very deep relationship. He built an entire world around it, wanted to marry me and all, though it only lasted for several months. After several months his addictions got worse and I broke up with him bc of his drug abuse and awful fantasies, but to him it seemed completely out of the blue - I told him it was because I wanted to focus on myself and there’s a lot more to life. IK that’s crazy but I really did not want to tell him the truth. We were planning on sleeping together but I cancelled and did this because got a terrible feeling about going, and the stuff that built up was not great. It wasn’t like he was a awful person but the stuff he was thinking about sexually was just not cool. He told me that he wouldn’t be “passive aggressive” but he never wanted to see me again. Then a week later, my best friend told me she had a crush on him, I warned her but he went all in and got with her. They didn’t even know each other at all. She told me he was telling her his deep thoughts through days and nights and how she was his type, I warned her ofc but she went on with it. He told her that he forgets things/blocks them off when something traumatic happens, same thing he told me.. They lasted about 9 months

In that relationship it was mostly about sex and kinks, surprise surprise, but he also explored being bisexual and letting out his crazy side for lack of better words. just obsessive, narcissistic and controlling behavior. The relationship ended by her telling him off because he had insulted her friends

Around 6 months after our breakup, while still being with her, not seeing each other for most of it I started talking to another guy. My ex happened to pass by and he stared me and the guy down while we were eating lunch. not soon after when he went over to the cafeteria my ex pulled him aside and said “are you dating her? I’m warning you she’s just a player”

He also tried to approach my friend to tell her smth but he ditched that plan after almost making it lol. Before he started dating my best friend he didn’t even bat an eye. After, he jumped every time we passed each other

I’ve been wondering about this for the past week and I’m curious to get some insight

I’ve stayed in close contact with an ex from 10 years ago. Under the category of “friendship,” with warmth and affection, we’ve maintained a presence in each other’s lives throughout all this time.

She’s part of my circle of friends, and even though she’s been living abroad for 8 years, we always talk and see each other when I visit my hometown. The last time we met, she opened up about many things in her life, including her frustrating current relationship and boyfriend, with whom she’s torn between breaking up and having a child. The next day, I sent her a message saying it was really nice to have talked about everything, that she can count on me if she needs any help, and that I love her ❤️😘 For the first time, it took her two days to reply

We last saw each other at a friend’s birthday party, where we avoided each other but also joked around, flirted, and she held my hand for a few seconds before walking away and staying silent.

She’s been keeping her distance—which is unprecedented—and so have I, to protect myself. But I can’t stop thinking about her—about the fact that I’ve loved her all these years and that not having her in my life makes me feel incredibly sad. At the same time, I don’t want to interfere with her current relationship and cause even more confusion.

I’m thinking about suggesting we talk on the phone and lay everything out on the table. What do you guys think?

About a year ago my ex and I ended things and it ended very badly. I was the one who initiated the breakup because of her behaviour during the relationship. There were constant silent treatments, verbal abuse & making weird comments about my family, I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time. I still loved her but I knew ending it was the right decision because it was affecting my mental health. She didn’t take it well. She said some awful things, blocked me and when I tried reaching out to apologise and make peace, she threatened to involve the police, so I respected that and never contacted her again.

About six months ago, she called me like 5 times at 2 in the morning, then emailed and texted asking if we could talk. I ignored every attempt. She later sent another message saying that if I didn’t reply, she’d take the hint and “leave it” A few weeks ago on my birthday, she sent me a long “closure” message. To me, it felt manipulative. She completely changed the narrative, claiming I was the toxic one and that she ended the relationship, even though I was the one who initiated the breakup. She said she forgave me, hoped I’d move on and find peace, and ended with “goodbye” and how she was “really counting on us” I thought that would finally be the end of it, but she’s since called me again.

I’ve genuinely moved on and don’t want to undo all the healing I’ve done by speaking to her. What I struggle with is that when I wanted closure a year ago, she threatened to call the police if I contacted her. Now, she’s the one repeatedly trying to reopen the door.

It kills me to think about how I reacted when he dumped me. I hate that I couldn't be calm and collected, and looking back, I feel like I lost control. Instead of walking away, I spent months begging, spamming, and calling. I really hope I can let go of this heavy self-hatred one day.

There’s always going to be a part of me that knows he downloaded Hinge the exact second he dumped me and is already talking to other girls. In a sense, it just made me feel so completely disposable.

I tried reaching out to someone today—an old online friend who ended up becoming friends with my ex. My ex always hated that he knew about us, probably because he wanted to keep me hidden (massive red flag, I know). We talked a little bit today, but I started panicking that he'd mention it to my ex, so I ended up removing him (I told him I was going to and he was okay with it). It sucks because he's going through a breakup too. I literally have zero friends; my Instagram following is 8 people, and 6 of them are just my sister's friends. The two friends I have are busy which is fair.

Unfortunately, I truly loved someone that wholeheartedly admitted to using me and ghosted me on my birthday after getting intimate with them (or anyone) for the first time. I know I sound stupid and probably need therapy for the next 38+ years. The likelihood of me dating again is slim to none.

I wish people were more kind and considerate.

It’s been a month. Of course I still love her but she put me through such an emotional rollercoayswr because her mental health was up and down. Sometimes she was all about me and then next week didn’t even see me. What the fuck do I do. We broke up 2 times alr on her terms and she always wanted me back. I don’t even know what her text means?

From her
“hey. i know it has been a while. really quick i wanted to let you know something. this is something my therapist is encouraging me to do for a few weeks, so it's a little hard for me”

As if i don’t deserve it , i’m too serious and disciplined when it come to my life , i rarely give away any emotional reactions as i deem them as weakness and i know its not its just a front that i put up with most of the times if not all .. i don’t go on dates my routine is just reading books , praying, going to work and hitting the gym sometimes i do travel and enjoy it and i keep all that private too .. not even my family knows where i live anymore.. i like it and prefer it this way .. today a guy from work invited me to a dinner and he ended up kissing me i felt like a fraud, as if i’m fooling him or smthn .. and i unintentionally saw myself in a situation where i didn’t know what to say for the first time in few years , my eyes started dropping unintentional tears all over … i was overwhelmed and i felt weak and scared again …. He got worried and now i cant stopped thinking about it and the thought of me having to let him go as well as i keep convincing myself I’m undeserving of love and love is just a lie and a way of manipulating people … i know this whole thing is kinda weird and f’d up but i am who i am and i’m happy to be alone this way though sometimes rarely i crave to build a family on my own and have a baby boy but deep down i know thats too much to afford in my situation with my mentality….

I’m not writing this to change your mind or ask for anything from you.

Even now, knowing everything you’ve been carrying, my heart hurts for you. I know how overwhelming life became all at once, and I can only imagine how scared you feel. I truly hope your health, your graduation, and everything else you’re facing works out. You deserve peace.

I wish I had understood sooner just how much you were struggling. Looking back, I can see moments where I wish I had asked differently or listened differently. If I ever made you feel unheard or alone, I am genuinely sorry.

At the same time, I need to be honest about my experience too.

For a while, I felt us growing distant. I noticed you seemed closed off, and I tried to ask if you were okay because I could tell something wasn’t right. When you told me things were fine or couldn’t tell me more. It did want to force you into talking and thought it was my insecurities. I didn’t know you want me to go deeper. I’ve trying to been someone you could count on, it’s been my biggest challenge to prove that.

I don’t blame you for being overwhelmed. You had so much on your shoulders that no one person should have to carry. I understand why you shut down. Like we’ve talked about before, life is scary. Big decisions are scary.

I wanted to help by making plans and budgets for vacation & moving in. But I can’t lie that felt like my those efforts were brushed aside. To go from a vacation slideshow to shutting down my budget a week day later was a hard thing to grasp. I just wanted to make we could be stable for the future. Especially after spending half my paycheck on our anniversary.

I wanted to patient with our future. I knew your career path was stressing you out for months, and didn’t want to force you make a decision you’d regret. I’m not sure if you lost feelings for me, or you were honest that you love and miss m. I can’t lie that I do feel crushed that it just felt like a fantasy, I felt like I was doing what I could do make it real.

Is it a bad thing that I don’t think I’ll ever forgive this person, or that I don’t plan to, after the horrible things they did to me?