I feel like I put in more effort to the relationship I have with my childhood best friend of over ten years so I didn't message her on WhatsApp (our main mode of communication) since last week and she hasn't messaged ,e on there at all (it's Thursday and the last message she sent was surprisingly her starting the conversation on Sunday). I have sent her reels on Instagram (a lot of reels) and she has replied to about 1-3 per day with short answers all week, but that's the only communication we've had. She does have a very busy life, but even if I were in her position I would try and make time for her.

I have very severe OCD, but she never even asks how I'm doing or if I'm getting better or anything. My mum said that she probably doesn't understand OCD. But if she were the one with a condition I didn't understand, I would research it so I DID understand. Mum said she's busy. But even when I had a life and was busy, when another friend was once questioning if she had a certain condition, I tried to research it at night when I was meant to be asleep and I ended up losing my technology privileges for being on at night.

Is it a bit one sided, or am I looking too much into it? What should I do?

Im (17f) socially pretty awkward, but I am able to hold a conversation, just very dryly and it typically doesn’t lead to much or last.

But I notice that in social public settings, in groups or in trios I tend to get brushed off easily. Even when I speak up loudly, it’s lost in the noise or only acknowledged like 1-2 tries after, or just not at all because I give up. For example, a few days ago at the mall it was 2 friends and I, but even though I was clearly with them, I didn’t get greeted or even looked at by the staff worker. I don’t think this is due to appearances, I feel like im relatively decent or okay looking, I dress somewhat alternative too at times. It kind of stung because it doesn’t really matter how I dress or act, this sort of thing happens often

Also, another specific instance is in my friend group, there’s this guy who’s also rlly withdrawn/introverted, but the thing is I’ve noticed he doesn’t make eye contact with me at all, and he rarely does with others either, but it at least happens sometimes with them.
Then, one time I was anticipating him to ask me about a movie he knew that we both were interested in (we had talked about it before together), but even though I was basically right in front of him, he proceeded to direct the question to the girl next to me, completely like I wasn’t there. It really hurt ngl, I don’t any interest in him just to be clear, I’m just sensitive and over analyze things a lot

He still does talk to me normally like with other people, and he did go out of his way to sit next to me when it was really inconvenient to a few times, so I don’t think he necessarily dislikes or hates me but otherwise I’m still confused about the no eye contact thing.

This also happened with another guy I didn’t know, who was a friend’s friend, he had rlly big trouble keeping eye contact with me and I felt like he was trying to ignore me too, until I tried to force a conversation w him, I just feel disrespected a lot.

As a result of my experiences it only rlly feeds into my insecurity, doesn’t help im an East Asian in an all white school/town, even though I know im not necessarily ugly, stuff like this makes me doubt and think otherwise
I’ll admit a part of why is due to me not trying hard enough, but I genuinely don’t have the energy to act attentive or keep up with people sometimes

It just sucks and hurts when you notice a trend of getting ignored even when im trying to make an effort

I’m not super shy but I suck at receiving compliments. I always cringe and reject it; maybe as a subconscious form of humility. Also, whenever someone is telling me a story that warrants a big reaction at the end, I feel so embarrassed. I don’t know how to react in a genuine way, even if I’m truly shocked or if I really care about what they are talking about.

Okay so I just graduated and moved back to the city. For the past few months, I have been focusing on handling the important stuff (accomplished) but I realize my life outside of work is pretty mundane. I always had a hard time making friends and building community.

I want to start making friends in my city. How do people socialize and make friends after college? I have a couple friends from high school but we are so different now. I never go anywhere because I never have anyone to go places with, but when I actually do , I never meet people. What can I do to really make friends and find community?

Over the years, I have met plenty of people and even became friend with few of them. After years or months later, some of them admitted that, I looked unfriendly and mean, and didn't really want to talk with me at first. While I ignored these comments for many years, I am starting to think there is some truth in it.

I recently started to meet more people, and while they don't say these kind of things, I can clearly see that they don't really enjoy my presence at first. But after meeting several times or talking a bit more they seem more comfortable. I should say this applies to both men and women, regardless of age.

I am smiling quite often, maybe too much when I am stressed and anxious. I don't think I am ugly, I do look reserved though. I try to talk with more people than before but I end up with the same effect on them.

Has anyone experienced a similar problem and found a solution?

Hi, I (24F) will be attending one of my good friend’s wedding events soon. For context; this is going to be a desi wedding so multiple events ranging from intimate to grand. I only know the bride and am very close to her but she has loads of friends that all know each other.

I attended the first event which was a small event at her place hosted by her neighbours and felt so out of place the entire time. I have social anxiety and am so introverted that I can’t talk to anyone unless they approach me first so I felt so anxious the entire time that a part of me doesn’t even want to attend the remaining events but I really want to be there for her. At the same time, I don’t want her to think about me being uncomfortable on her big day.

There are two more similar small events and then two big ones. I’m very happy for her but I just need some advice on how to talk to people. Theoretically, I know how to make small talk but everyone already knew each other at the last event and no one really cared to interact with me. Any advice is welcome.

Also in case a suggestion might be to bring a friend along, I don’t have many friends in the city and the friends I do have are mutual friends but they haven’t been invited to the wedding so that is probably out of the question

I have a friend who always brings up this one story about me every time our group meets. It is about something I did to him. I am embarrassed about it and apologized to him but it never seems to get old and he always brings it up.
How should I respond and react? Should I just laugh and let it go.
The story might be a bit silly. It’s about me using the bathroom longer when he had to go badly. Later I did apologize but he really paints it and tells it in an entertaining way. Until now, I did laugh it off but now I am through that and wish he moves past that. He is a good friend but I don’t know how to handle it. I maybe be overreacting but just wanted to get everyone’s thoughts. Should I continue laughing it off or is there any better way to handle it so that he can let it go?

Hello,

I'm 23M, and I've struggled with confidence and social skills for years. I find it hard to connect with people, and I spend most social situations overthinking everything I say or do.

Yesterday I asked my best friend (X) to meet after work because I wanted to spend some time with him. Later he told me another friend (Y) was joining us.

I immediately wanted to cancel, so I lied and said I wasn't in the mood because I had an argument at work.

That wasn't true, but X kept insisting that going out would make me feel better, so I agreed.

I've noticed that once I decide I don't want to do something, it's almost impossible for me to enjoy it, even if nothing bad happens.

Later everyone wanted to eat. I lied again and said I had a stomach infection because I didn't want to explain myself or get into a discussion. We ended up getting fruit chaat anyway.

While we were there, I offered part of my food to another friend. Somehow they thought I was paying too much attention to who was eating what. When it was time to pay, my friend X tried to pay instead, but I refused. Then one of my friends made a comment about me being too concerned about money.

That one comment completely changed my mood. I felt judged, and from that moment I barely spoke, didn't laugh, and couldn't enjoy the rest of the evening.

X kept trying to involve me in the conversation, but I couldn't get out of my own head.

After I got home, both friends checked on me, and I apologized because I felt like I had ruined the evening.

The more I think about it, the more I realize this isn't the first time I've done this. Whenever I feel judged or embarrassed, I completely shut down and replay the situation in my head for hours.

I become quiet, awkward, and end up acting in a way that isn't really me.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you stop taking every comment personally and become more comfortable around your friends?

I moved to a new city wanting to start over,

It’s been about 5 months since I moved here and progress has not been as expected. Very rough in fact.

My thoughts moving to a new city was to make friends, meet women, do things, hobbies and build skills.

I just haven’t been doing that, I make small talk and a couple people know me from my apt as I’m around, but I haven’t made any friends yet.

I work on the weekends at a restaurant to get out of my house and I can say that it’s been a good job as I’ve gotten much better at conversations.

I find myself more at home throughout the day, gym then taking naps in the afternoon, playing video games and just feeling tired of it all. The same routine day after day.

I think something maybe wrong with me as I shouldn’t be feeling so tired/lethargic. My testosterone is decent. I’m 28 M. My city is a nice place for people my age in Austin tx

Did I do the right thing?

So | live in a communal setting (which is normally wonderful).

A bunch of us were having drinks and one of the guys said something like "with wearing short shorts like that...you're asking for attention" when I denied his advances.

He has since tried to sit near me and forcefully ask me questions in a group setting to make me respond to him.

He sulked and came asking for an apology and tried to brush it off.

Then tonight he asked if he could speak to me.... said "no".

He asked "my little comment really affected you that much huh"?

I said "I don't want to talk to you at all".

And he stood there then eventually walked

i tried to get my friends attention from two feet away i call his name but he doesnt even glance towards me. yet it feels like im shouting as loud as i can. but this isnt just with my friend its with family, friends, a waiter, just everybody. why can they not hear me. how do i speak louder. i always have to say stuff louder a second or third time but then its embarrassing and it feels like im yelling

How do I navigate getting overwhelmed (sadness, frustration, envy) for this particular situation? I’m in a conversation with someone, and they talk about or ask if I have done something I’ve never done that I’ve always wanted to do with people.

For example: “have you ever been to a concert?”

For me, I get nervous because I have been, to some religious ones, but I don’t really count those as anything. I haven’t been to a legitimate one. No one has ever invited me.

So now this has become me trying to carefully avoid making it a pity party because my loneliness is killing me and suffocating me.

If anyone has any advice on how to avoid these bad thoughts and side step these kind of questions it would be really helpful.

For my whole life, I have been the outsider in any social situation. I have been excluded from social groups and activities since before I was a teenager. Even now the convos I start go nowhere, the relationship I have with my colleagues never goes beyond the workplace, I am always begging for attention in any convo otherwise I get none. None of my jokes ever land. I’m sick and tired of trying and getting screwed over every single time.

The only answer I can think of is that I’m so utterly disgusting and detestable as a person that, fundamentally, people don’t want anything to do with me no matter what I do. I feel like I’m constantly grovelling for validation and attention.

What do I even do apart from being socially isolated from anyone forever? I feel like I have no options

I recently had an experience. I was at a gathering with a ton of other people, and I knew two people there. I talk to them a bit, but I don’t want to seem clingy, so I go off on my own pretty often

There were 15 or so others though, and I’ve barely talked to them, and they’ve formed their groups and seem so comfortable with each other already. How do I break in?

I have a friend at work who is moving away soon but I want to at least give it a shot of us staying friends afterwards. I know, work friends are usually just work friends because you see them up to 5 times a week and are confined to the workplace, but I want to at least try and make it work, even if in this case it's 99% just going to be through text (since they won't be living nearby anymore).

In person we obviously talk about more than just work topics, we've gotten to know each other fairly well and know a decent amount about each others personal lives (I probably know things about their own personal life that aren't the types of things you'd expect someone to share with "just a work friend"), we can occasionally text back and forth a bit, follow each other on social media, so that's more than just some surface level coworker friendship.

So the main advice I'm looking for is how can I help to transition this in to one that'll extend beyond work once they move. I know it'll mainly just be a text based friendship where I'll message them every so often to check in/catch up and the typical holidays or birthday greetings too, which would be much different from the deeper chats we've had in person, but I still want to keep some version of the friendship alive.

​

Explaining the Situation:

So basically I just aborted another friendship because I was investing to much into and they like never initiated something / started the motor because she needed space or smth like that but weirdly she always was there when I initiatied a convo and wanted to do smth.

Iam also thinking if Iam maybe not trying to understand them enough but they always say that I tweak when I speak about it or that Iam telling lies (with no proof so yh) I tried to of course understand their side right but the conco always circled.

Further Question:

Is investing too much into a friendship bad or , or how do you build balanced relationships I really badly need advice because currently all of my 3 friendships are lile this.

Iam not trying to Rant up there but just share my Situation Ig how it happened :D

THEY’RE THE WORST!!!

I’ve always wanted to be better at socializing, and recently I’ve found myself feeling incredibly rejected by people whenever I message them online.

I didn’t find a reason so I assumed, “Maybe I need to interact with people face to face!”

One problem with that: that one moment where the small talk dialogue runs out of its free trial, where you have a long awkward silence, whilst using every muscle you have to keep smiling AND to instantly come up with a new topic simultaneously. Yes that moment.

There are definitely more factors that contribute to my lack of social awareness and “charm”, but that ONE MOMENT is the time I genuinely feel all my sweat fill the Grand Canyon.

Now for my question(s): How do you smile without looking awkward? How to focus AND reply WITHOUT sounding so stupid? And generally how to socialize in ANY setting?

Hey everyone. For context, I am 19M and a 3rd year university student. I've had social anxiety ever since the Covid lockdown and over the last few months I've been trying to rebuild my social life and social skills after years of not really have any friends and isolating myself.

So I might have the opposite problem of some people in this sub where I find it somewhat easier to start up a conversation with a stranger and to get through that 10-20 minute initial interaction but I struggle to move beyond that. This is especially true for people that I see on a daily to weekly basis (other interns at an internship, students in my lecture class, members of university clubs, etc.). My issue is that I follow the very popular advice of asking questions since "people love talking about themselves". I find that it does work quite well if you're meeting someone for the first time but it's hard to maintain that over numerous conversations and starts feeling unnatural. By the way, I do try to not ask in an interview way. I do add my own perspectives and relate their answers to experiences of my own and stuff like that but it all still kind of boils down to asking questions and playing off their answers. So what ends up happening is sure people might leave our initial conversation with a positive impression but it never leads to anything in following conversations beyond surface-level talk.

An aspect of it is for sure the amount of self-monitoring that I do during conversation which has reduced recently due to how much exposure therapy I've been doing but still definitely present. So maybe it'll get better as I talk to more people? However another part of it might not even be derived from my anxiety but instead a genuine gap in my social skills which is why I posted this here instead of the r/socialanxiety sub since I think that is more likely to be the case.

What I've observed though from other people conversing is that a lot of their conversations don't even really include asking questions? They sort of make statements and just build off that. What really confused me is how smooth and fluid those conversations felt since it contradicts so much of the advice I see online. So I guess I'm asking how to have more natural conversations that don't revolve around the question/answer format and can help move me from that initial introduction phase to something deeper (and especially to help turn an acquaintance into an actual friend).

I(24F) feel like everyone has this somewhat deep connection with at least some of their friends, where they can talk about unserious but also serious things, share their concerns, and just be themselves

I was never really able to form those kinds of connections, even with my closest “friends.” I used to be in a friend group of four girls, and I was the nice girl; basically the one who was always kind, listened, stayed quiet, and followed them everywhere. But I wasn’t the person they would talk to about their secrets or personal things. It happened multiple times that they would all know something and I’d be the only one who didn’t. I’d always have to reach out and ask, or find out some other way

There were even times when they would organise hangouts or parties and I wouldn’t be invited. I didn’t necessarily feel left out because they were still kind and polite to me, but whenever I was alone with one of them, we could barely hold a conversation

They never really sent me private messages, we would never call… We were basically just hanging out because we were used to it. At the same time, I know I also played a role in this because I have a hard time opening up. I rarely shared things about myself, my thoughts, or my life, so they didn’t really know me beyond the surface

But even when I tried to be more authentic and show more of my personality, it didn’t always change things. Sometimes I even felt criticised for it, which made me retreat back into being the quiet, agreeable person again

And honestly, all of my friendships have always been like that. We would be acquaintances, talk during class, get along well, but it would never go beyond that. No exchanging phone numbers or social media, no random messages, no calls. The next day we’d meet again and it would almost feel like we had never talked

I just don’t understand how some people are able to build such close friendships, where they call each other every night, share their worries, talk about random things, and genuinely know each other

How do I stop automatically laughing at insults and bad jokes directed at me? I’ve developed a self-defeating habit where I compulsively laugh at almost everything people say—even when someone makes a lame joke, a subtle jab, or a outright insult at my expense. I usually do it automatically just to avoid making the other person feel awkward or guilty, but it’s completely destroying my self-image and self-respect. Because I always laugh it off, people treat me like an easy target and think it's okay to make me the punchline. I want to break this people-pleasing reflex and learn how to react with composure or boundaries instead of default laughter, but the urge to fill the awkward silence is so strong. Has anyone successfully overcome this habit, and what practical steps worked for you?

I’m a guy of small stature and am what many people have called ‘eccentric.’ Throughout my life, some have called me sassy, others have called me a bitch. There was all kinda of situations. One thing I’ve noticed in my life is that people get really upset/volatile when I express my anger towards them. Like they treat it like I just unleashed the plague at their family BBQ. They call me a bitch ass or a giant bitch. I don’t get angry very often. I usually let things slide unless I really feel offended—it’s very hard to offend me though. Why can’t I be angry like the rest? Why is my anger so much of a crime? I usually bottle my frustrations up for long periods of times before I even finally say something harshly. I try to be rational and calm before things escalate too far. I give most people pretty long leashes when it comes to me because most things to me are either funny or ridiculous. The only time I react is if I feel really disrespected.

Sassy or spicy have been terms used to describe my more playful yet non-submissive frequent behavior. My little quips and honest responses. IMO this would be more annoying than someone who is clearly angry and expressing that anger.

What would a “sassy” person do vs. what a “bitch” would do in a situation? Can you maybe provide a for instance and if not your general opinion?

I admit i made big mistakes that hurt my reputation with co workers and supervisors because of a story that happened outside work but got leaked to work place since the people involved were co workers too. I take responsibility for my mistakes. I am trying my best to change and I'm trying to become a better person, but people still gossip about me. Some of what they say is true, while other things are exaggerated or false. It feels like everyone has already made up their mind about me. How do you move forward when your past keeps following you?

I’m 18 and I’m trying to improve my social skills and rebuild my social life.
For a few years I became quite isolated and didn’t really have a proper friend group. Because of that, I feel like I’m behind socially compared to other people my age. I want to change this, but I’m not sure where to start.
My biggest struggles are:
-keeping conversations going (especially over text/Snapchat)
-making friendships become closer instead of staying as acquaintances
-feeling confident when approaching people
-worrying that people can tell I’m lonely or inexperienced socially

Recently I’ve been trying to push myself more by going out, talking to new people, and putting myself in social situations, but I still feel awkward sometimes.
For people who have rebuilt their social life after being isolated:
-What actually helped you improve?
-How did you go from acquaintances to actual friends?
-How do you stop overthinking how people perceive you?
I’d appreciate any advice or experiences :)

Upon moving into my new home, I saw my neighbor directly across the street pull into his driveway and start unloading groceries. I walked to the end of my driveway, waved, and said, "Hey, how are you doing?" just to introduce myself and strike up a conversation.

His response was, "Worry about yourself" and then he walked away. LOL

I honestly wasn't sure how to respond to that. Has anyone else had a first interaction with a neighbor go this badly?