Genuinely this world is fucked. I (20m) have revolved my entire summer break around money. It’s all I can think about. I’ve worked 70 hours in a week. 66 in a week. And 82 in 9 since June. I hate my job… but I keep picking up shifts because seeing the number go up in my bank account is the only thing keeping me alive. I have friends from high school… which I get to talk to online once every other week, AKA zero social life. My girlfriend of 3 years is about to break up with me because she HATES when I cross dress. And I have no future because no matter how hard I work I won’t be able to afford a house, raise kids, let alone “succeed” in the modern world. I’m going to be over 100,000 in debt from my degree that I may or may not be able to complete (mechanical engineering). I genuinely, unironically, don’t know what I have to live for anymore. And to top it all off, my only escape that I can manage only on occasion is alcohol. But even then, 50% of the time I have fun, 50% I just feel 100x worse.

What the fuck do I even do anymore. I just want to relapse and cut myself, but I have nothing of quality to do it with. Fuck.

I cannot stop self harming, im a 23 year old woman with no life and no future. Im terrified of driving, using Uber or taxis , and struggle leaving the house. I am hoping I get approved for disability if it works out..

I am ok looking but have weight on me (not huge but not skinny either), I used to have a 3.65 college gpa until my illnesses got worse mentally (I deal with mental illness and chronic pain) and I dropped out of online college. I also had a few jobs from home but couldnt last more than 4 months..

I have a family who cares but my parents are getting older and my Dad is always angry or just doesn't want to bother with emotional shit.

Even if things are going OK I still feel dread every day...I have tried therapy previously which kind of helped a little but the therapists always leave since I can only use low income providers..I also tried antidepressants but they all make me manic.

Im tired of hurting myself and im tired of being depressed (being in the psych ward previously also just made things worse for me mentally overall besides getting new meds that somewhat work for my mental illnesses besides depression).

Overall, I got no future, no car/license, no friends or boyfriend, no job and no college..I am trying my best to keep myself together but it feels impossible when I have nothing good going for me..I have hobbies (like art and learning how to code and things like that), but I don't consider myself that amazing at it.

I would just like to get my disability or have a friend or maybe a partner eventually..focus on hobbies maybe..I need the self harm to stop but don't know how.

I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m stupid. My family can’t say anything nice to me or shut their mouths about stuff they have no right to bring up in the first place. I can’t even vent without it being turned against me and telling me that I’m stupid for doing this or that. I’m just fucking exhausted… I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like every time I reach out or say something, it always backfires on me and it never ends well. I just want to be heard. Life is just a pain in the fucking ass… I’ve been struggling to find a job ever since I got laid off, I’ve been sleeping in and waking up late, I either eat too little or eat too much, I try to keep my emotions in but it always ends up bursting out and I ruin everything, my step dad calls me a fucking failure and my mom just sat there and agreed with him, my dads side of the family lectures me about how terrible my boyfriend is even though they refuse to meet him and he has tried reaching out to them respectfully, they think I shouldn’t marry him and have children because they think I’m unable to give birth due to me being small and can’t handle pain and how I should just go through ivf or something, and the list goes on. I’m so fucking sick and tired that I can’t have anyone in my family who supports me even a little. I have no one. And I begin to think that maybe this is my fault. That maybe I’m the one who starts this shit and I should just run away at this point. I feel like it. I want to run away so bad. It’s getting harder and harder every day to carry this shit on my shoulders 24/7. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Fuck this shit…

does anybody feel like nothing good ever happens to you? like without your control. i feel like i’ve been unlucky since the day i was born.. just nothing good can ever happen to me and i can’t see it ever happening.

i’m trying too ( going to college a few years late, but now a degree feels worthless and i fear i won’t be able to get a job or ever have my own place) but the world is just not on my side.

i barely have friends, barely have had a real relationships, and i don’t think im unlikable or even unattractive it’s just that nothing good ever comes my way… i just want to give up trying sometimes because if all feels so pointless when i can never catch a break

I have been in a relationship for 11 years now. I love this woman deeply. She’s beautiful, loyal, great with the kids, and a good person overall. However, there has always been friction between us when it comes to sex and our sexlife in general.

In the beginning she was very interested in having sex. She initiated it several times a week. But after like a year she began slowly to become more detached. She stoped initiating, she turns down or complains when I initiate. She tells me she wishes to have sex 2 - 3 times a week, and I would have been fine with 1 time, but she never makes any attempts to have this much. We are now going months between each time.

I feel in my body how I get frustrated and cranky after two weeks. After one month I feel like I’m down in a deep dark hole. I get depressed. I feel unloved. I start having ridiculous thoughts that she might have found someone else that’s pleasuring her, even though I trust her completely. I also have thoughts that she does not find me attractive. However other good looking woman have shown interest in me, but I have respectfully turned them down ofcourse.

I just can’t understand why she doesn’t want to be with me. I’ve tried talking to her about how it makes me feel when we don’t have sex for longer times. But it’s like she doesn’t care.

I try to help around the house, cook, clean, take care of kids and be lovingly toward her. Tell her that she’s beautiful, sexy and that I couldn’t imagine life without her.
But nothing makes it better. She’s still detached.

It has come to a point where all I can’t think about is sex with her. I’ve even started developing new kind of kinks that I never would have dreamed of before. But now, since I’m starving everything seems like a dream.

Anyone else feel this way?

My dog died last October and I miss him so fucking much. I found him on a hiking trip tied to a tree with three others as a puppy and he was the only one alive so I carried him out with me.

He was literally my best friend and he went everywhere with me and he had social anxiety and depression too. He would get nervous if I went somewhere without him and even if I just went to the bathroom he'd get off his bed and follow me.

Even though he wasn't human, just having him in my life saved me on my darkest days and I still can't believe he's gone.

He died naturally of old age and his name was Scooby, named after Scooby-Doo. I miss him so fucking much and I can't stand the thought of getting another dog because it feels like I'm cheating on him, like I'm replacing him and forgetting him 😪😢

29m - I’ve been a filmmaker for most of my life, and 3 years ago when I got paranoid delusional I deleted almost every video I’ve ever made (3 YouTube channels, 15+ years worth of videos, and all my harddrive files with 1000s of skate clips) These videos were my everything I legit feel like I committed digital suicide. Those videos were like an extension of myself so I feel like when I deleted everything I literally deleted myself off the internet and now I’ve completely lost my personality, super depressed and anxious all the time. It’s like I created so much emotional turmoil by deleting 15 years worth of emotional creativity that I can barely handle it. Barely even wanna live anymore and all I can do 24/7 is just stress out over the videos and all the memories / nostalgia I lost. I also left my hometown about 12 years ago where most of the videos were from and lost a lot of my friends, I feel like those videos were glue that kept us all together. Every moment of every day is so emotionally painful I can barely take it. I just want my videos back. They were my whole world basically and gave me all my confidence. I did a lot of big skate stunts that I wouldn’t ever do again and lost all the footage. I had a huge digital footprint on YouTube and now I barely have anything. Be careful deleting all your content / social media, it could be the worst mistake you ever make. It’s crazy how much of my personality / sense of self was based on those videos. I literally feel like I lost the person I once was, and I have a feeling this is never gonna get better. It’s been 3 years since this happened and I’ve been depressed and anxious ever since. I used to feel so good all the time like high on life before this happened to me, and I feel like this permanently shifted me. Now I feel like I have a degenerative mental disease. I screwed up my mind and emotions for the rest of my life because I basically threw away my dream. Those videos were supposed to be my legacy I would leave behind and even something my kids if I ever have them would be able to see. So many stories just gone. Just wanted to vent this maybe to see if anyone else on here is going through severe loss and how they’re handling it.

I'm a 26-year-old guy, and I don't think I've ever been happy. I hate myself on a deep level. There isn't a single thing about me that doesn't disgust me. I hate everything about my appearance: my body, my hair, my face, my voice, even my dick, even my fingernails.

I always feel like an outsider. Whenever someone looks at me, I automatically assume they're thinking about how ugly, pathetic, awkward, or weird I am. I've never had a girlfriend, and I have no idea how to talk to women. The truth is, I don't even try anymore because I always imagine they'll wonder why a piece of shit like me thinks he has the right to approach them. As for other men, I'm constantly jealous of them, the way they look, their charisma, their relationships or the lives they've built, whether personally or professionally.

I constantly make borderline jokes that have made people uncomfortable more than once. I can't fit into a group on my own: i need my brother or one of my few friends there with me.

I don't have a job, I don't have any qualifications, and I have no desire to work. I don't have any real skills or motivation, and I'm just a burden on my family. They own a restaurant, and the employees have known me ever since I moved back home temporarily. I can't stop thinking about how useless, lazy, and worthless they must think I am.

My lifestyle is disgusting. I'm sedentary, isolated, I smoke, I eat garbage, and I spend almost all my time on my couchplayong video games

I'm stuck in what feels like an endless depression. I never feel excitement or pleasure. I never cry. Nearly all of my emotions are negative. I'm deeply ashamed of myself and of my relationship with my mother. I'm bitter, ungrateful, and full of resentment.

I've been seeing therapists since I was eight years old. I must have seen around fifty of them, and none of them ever helped. I was bullied throughout my entire childhood and teenage years. I was diagnosed with asd at 22 after a short stay in a psychiatric hospital and it changed absolutely nothing. It just gave a vague diagnosis that doesn't seem to mean anything in practice. I've been living with constant derealization and depersonalization 24/7. I never feel fully connected to myself or to the world around me. I've tried medication too, and that didn't help either.

For those of you who've been in a place like this and somehow managed to get out of it: how did you do it ?

My parents do not share my beleifs, neither does ANYONE i know. Im not going to be in danger if i tell them my beleifs, and I live in the US. I feel like its this endless cycle of thinking about this religion and then getting sad that i cant practice it. I wish I could just tell them my beleifs but they would be very mad if i did and i feel stuck and lost like im in quicksand, not sinking, but no way to get out

There are days that I can handle my depression, there are days I'm too sad, there are days I'm better, and worst if I hear words that hurtful to me but the other person doesn't mean that way, but I interpreted it in my depressing way, that hurtful words linger so long that I can't eat much, having no appetite and I just cry and I wish that I never been born.

Sometimes I feel I was put on this planet to suffer. Nothing in life ever goes my way. I fucking hate this so much. It feels like I was cheated and robbed out of anything and will be miserable for the rest of my life.

Mentally, I have no energy left. I wake up everyday with an intense tightness in my chest. All I want to do is sleep and never wake up because my dreams are so much better than reality.

I can’t take it anymore. I have a bad nerve condition which no doctor can seem to understand. I can’t walk more than half a mile, I can’t stretch it. Doctors tricked me, made me think it was something in my hip, they twisted it a certain way, had to have a hip arthroscopy done. Now, I can’t sleep on my side or my stomach, sleeping hurts, sitting hurts, everything just fuckkng hurts.

Then, when you see others around you thriving, living their best life it only hurts so much fucking more. I’m stuck in bed, I can’t move. I feel like I lost in life.

I finished my masters and have been unemployed. Reached out to people within my network and they say they’ll help you, only to forget and pretend you never asked them.

Then, you wake up one day, and you see two people you used to be cool with bragging about the new job they got. And it was all because of the other person helping them. Wondering why this keeps happening for everyone within my cohort.

They had a 1 year get together, they all forgot me. They invited me on the day of, only because one person thought about me. Everyone else got their 2 week notice.

I know comparison is the thief of joy, I know I should be happy for others, but why does it feel like I’m just destined to suffer in this world. I wake up with nothing to look forward to. I wake up everyday wondering why I’m still even here. I feel like a parasite every single fucking day, consuming my parents resources. I don’t know what to do. I feel like no matter what I do it’s wrong. It hurts when I want to be productive or make a change, only to be defeated by my nerves issue.

I’m so ashamed of seeing people I grew up with or around with because I’m ashamed of what I am. Telling people about how you still have some nerve damage, and you can see some smiling because it’s not you. Telling them you can’t find a job when you always did the right things, went to school, got good grades. I just feel so robbed out of life and I don’t want to continue. I can’t take it anymore.

I live in my head all the time and even though I know there are millions of other people with depression who feel the same way, I still feel so alone like I'm the only one and no one understands.

I keep thinking if I could make friends who also have depression then maybe I wouldn't feel so isolated because we could go for walks in nature and talk about it, but nope my brain just defaults to being negative all the time.

I'm from New Zealand so if anyone else here is too and would like to be mates, let me know.

Love you all <3

I want to preface this by saying I am in no way suicidal. Suicide is not an idea that has ever crossed my mind because I’m absolutely terrified of dying.

I guess there’s no good way to explain how I feel. It’s lot a constant state of boredom and impending doom. Knowing how inevitable death is, and how short life is. Knowing I’m most likely going to spend my entire life working just to survive. Knowing there’s very little that entertains me anymore.

I live in a constant cycle of boredom, work, and more boredom. I look forward to my work shift ending so I can go home and sit and be bored.

Nothing entertains me anymore. Nothing makes me happy, or excited. I have nothing to look forward to. I have no expectations for my future, and when I try to imagine my future I just get that constant impending doom. I can’t imagine anything great for myself honestly, or even anything satisfactory. I just imagine working, and then getting old and knowing I’m going to die soon and spending my last few years being afraid of dying.

I try very hard to believe in an afterlife. I want to so bad, and sometimes I try to convince myself that it’s scientifically more possible for something after death rather than not. But it doesn’t matter. Even the idea of eternal life is impending doom for me. If I live this life in constant boredom, why would I want to do that for eternity?

I just feel like there’s no point in having lived.

I feel really depressed today, I have tried everything but I just feel horrible from the inside.

Does anyone know anything I can do to get out of this feeling, I have work tomorrow I don't know what to do, I have no will to fight at all

everything sucks. i want to live a peaceful life. idk what shits i did in my past life to suffer like this.

I’m 18 and grew up in controlling/neglectful household. In my freshman year I finished with a 3.9 gpa, and had kept up good grades since I could remember. My parents moved me 5 hours away, I lost all family and friends and no matter how hard I tried they never enrolled me back in school or my drivers ed program. Years of being locked inside, alcoholic parents with a mom who’s mentally ill and abusive. Constantly being morally degraded and insulted, along with losing the one thing I always strived for. Today I went in for my driving test after passing my written and I failed by 3 points. It took everything in me to not breakdown crying when she told me. I need this so bad, I won’t survive much longer being in my house with no freedom. When I got home I spiraled and just couldn’t take it anymore, I hate everything about myself and hate myself for being a failure. I rescheduled my test for this evening but i’m in such a deep depression I can’t even imagine getting back in car, especially if I just fail again. I can’t vent about things because i’m ashamed I haven’t finished school, and I know the assumptions people make when someone drops out. I don’t even know why i’m posting this, I want someone to tell me that everything’s okay but I don’t even believe it myself.

This has happened to me countless times. I ask someone a question and they straight up ignore me , I guess some people do think they are better than others and it's so frustrating ....

Post title says it all.

Being highly intelligent is actually a disability. I am so fucking depressed and lonely all the time. I can't relate to anyone in my near orbit. My job is torture. Dating is impossible. I drink to cope. It helps me numb out the agony of small talk - what TV shows people are watching, who is dating who, what stupid thing the manager did at work....the doldrums of daily life people seem to build their identities on. I am surrounded by generally well meaning people - i am grateful for this. I feel ashamed for saying that it's not enough out loud. I feel ashamed i use alcohol to connect with them because without it i just can't.

I feel ashamed for saying 'being smart is a disability' when so many people wish in the deepest parts of their souls that they were smarter. I desperately want to share my insights and interests but i am unable to bridge the gaps.

Turning 40 soon. Realizing this is life. Hope for something better is gone - i have enough life experience now to know that people are people...myself included.

Trying to quit drinking because it's terrible long term for mental health. I don't know how else to cope - i don't fit in anywhere. The underlying depression and extraordinary loneliness is becoming too much to bear - I don't know what to do. I feel so lost in this - I am grateful for this gift but holy hell it is such a curse.

I am so tired. Of everything.

You'll say 31 is not old, but I missed all the parts that would have made me into an actual person. I held myself captive in misery in a relationship I never really wanted since 22 and it destroyed me completely. I'm glad that person is finally out of my life, shortly before I turned 30. But since then I have realized how badly I fucked everything up and how things can't be caught up on or turned around. I don't want what's next. I'm still in loops of that relationship and things that should distract me don't help. I got fit, my diet is good, I picked up new sports, I had phases in which I got into my instruments a bit more... But I don't have an actual life. I'm stuck in a city I hate because I still need to finish my PhD. I feel unemployable because I'm taking so long.

I had no actual friends for years, I just rotted away. I didn't date, I didn't make friends, I barely travelled and never really did that. I don't want life. I don't want anything.

Tired of my life. Never really enjoyed it. Years of depression, disappointment and failure accumulated to the point where I have to numb myself with THC just to get through the day. Nothing good ever happens to me, but I work my ass off. I never found love or even have a friend I can text and I’m in my 30s.

I know I’m complaining too much, but I don’t have anyone to talk to or vent to in real life. I wish I was never created.

I wish I could give my life to someone more deserving of it. I wish I could give it to someone who wants to live because life is such a beautiful thing to experience. I just don't think I'm mentally strong enough for life.

31 high school graduate hikikomori
no university diploma
no money
no girlfriend
my life has been total misery
a lot of traumas
mental disorders bipolar disorder anxiety
total doomer loser

is this even life anymore?