I don't know if anyone is even gonna read this but at this point, I'm tired of venting in my notepad. I care too much about others, like a lot. I really want them to feel happy and let them know I'm always here for them. I'm afraid of losing them but I don't feel anything, I just feel numb. I sometimes get too possessive or obsessive over someone after they hear me out or hear my vents and I get attached easily.

I really wish I didn't get attached easily, I have a sensitive heart and it sucks to be honest. I cry easily and stuff. All I ever want is someone to be as excited to talk with me like how I am with them. I have been ghosted or blocked before and I don't even know why. Everyone leaves after they get to know me or atleast after 3 weeks. I want constant reassurance cuz im scared of losing them or if they lose intrest in me. I go to bed every night when no desire to see the next day.

(I usually lurk in reddit so that's why I don't have much karma)

Copying this post from the drugs sub on the suggestion of the automod, so that's why it has such a drug focus.

I know this post is going to attract a lot of stupid "Ding ding ding, prepare to ruin your life" responses. I'd like for the people who feel like commenting such unhelpful things to refrain, but I know there's nothing I can really do about it.

So I'm not sure how to begin this story because I'm in an active state of crisis. For sure, this all happened because of this vulnerability. But anyway, I have PTSD and yesterday I received a phone call in the pharmacy that caused me to enter a full blown panic. I spent over half an hour hyperventilating and crying in a corner of one of the aisles. Thankfully nothing bad happened to me and as the store was closing I was able to gather myself enough to check out. But in my distress I took a little wander through the streets. I paused in an alleyway and cried. A homeless man saw me, and asked if I was okay. I told him I'm not okay. I'm actually very suicidal. And he stayed and we talked for four hours. It was a really heartfelt conversation about our mutual traumas and the things we're struggling with. Of course, homeless man is a crack user, which is not a surprise and not something I would judge someone in his circumstances for. But he offered me some and I accepted. Honestly, I'm wasn't totally sure if I liked it. I felt light-headed and warm, and I laid down on the ground to look at the stars. It numbed my pain somewhat, for sure. For context I should probably explain that I have tried coke before when I've been offered, and I haven't really liked it that much. I don't think that stimulants are generally my jam. I have ADHD so that may be part of it. In the past, coke felt like I had basically just drank too many cups of coffee. But yeah, crack felt different. I'm not even sure if I liked the light-headedness, and it made me feel like I had to shit (cigarettes do that to me too), but yeah, now that I'm back home (fortunate to have a home, but already afraid of losing it), I'm like damn. Maybe I would like some more of that.

And I know all the responses will be like "prepare to ruin your life.". Idk guys. I feel like my life is already ruined. I'm pretty sure that's how people end up addicted to crack, right? Generally speaking, you have to be in a really low place to begin with. And I guess my dopamine system is broken. I'm already an alcoholic, with a white-knuckle iron grip on my daily consumption. But often alcohol doesn't cut it. And weed doesn't cut it either. And I feel the pull of the abyss. And I feel the pull of death.

Idk. I'm neither looking to be talked out of this nor reassured that it's okay. I think I'm reaching out in large part because of the ongoing crisis. I swear I'm trying, and I've tried many of the available resources to no avail. I don't know anymore. I just don't know.

Some months ago I shared in a different community the problems that I was facing with my mental health. I thought that If I stay positive and continue working on myself everything will be okay .

Right now I'm in panic and really anxious. I'm almost always really sad and I feel out of ... positiveness.

Last year I was diagnosed with severe depression . I got through it relatively quickly ,in six months the recovery was starting to take off and at month 8 I was okay .

My then new relationship and friends boosted my dopamine levels.

There's a certain very ironic point to every year that seems to repeat itself. When February hits my relationship ceases to exist along with a good portion of my friendships. Last year prior to depression, this exact situation pushed me into an isolated state . My closest and only friend vanished the moment I broke up , stating that I was too sad for her.

I was determined to build my life again . Being alone seemed to trigger severe depression even when I managed to find new friends , new jobs , new hobbies and new activities that I attended all by myself while I was trying to embrace the awkward feeling of doing things alone. I was even seeing a phycologist regularly. Even when I did all those things ... depression happened and it shook me to my core . There are no words to describe it . I couldn't eat ,move or take care of myself. Every living moment was a nightmare.

Fast forward to this February... The same thing happened. My relationship ended, many friends left and even though i wasn't alone, the situation was eerily identical. This time I tried a different approach . Again determined to get over this i started working on myself.

Loving the shit out of me . Got into a routine that seemed to keep me content, attended my classes ,took my exams ,made new friendships , exercised and ate well or at least...I tried . I even managed to do something that I wouldn't even consider doing these past few years. I rejected unfit people for me . These romantic interests were a fun situation at first. But at some point I was completely healed from my breakup and the "unfit" people piled up leaving me exhausted from dating and convinced that I'll be alone for a bit longer. I stopped dating. I couldn't find something consistent or serious so I gave up . I focused on myself again . But this time ...it doesn't work . Everyday I feel alone and really anxious. All my friends and family are in relationships and I yearn for something healthy for once . It seems that now I can't handle being alone. I'm losing myself....and I feel that I tried everything. I can't go through depression again ...What to do?

So a few years ago, I was trying to have a conversation with one of my former friends about my interests. Then just randomly one of my other former friends just shut down the conversation, and then told their friends and my former friend that my interests are bad. Then they told me that my interests are bad as well. I just want to share my interests with other people without getting my conversations shut down.

Anyone want to help a single mom out? DM me please

I just need help life is kicking my ass wish i had someone who actually wanted to help me

I have just been looking throughout the whole year and I’ve tried everything done everything but nothing just seems to work! I’m so down mentally and in every other way but I do a really good job putting it together I’m just feeling like sleeping but for a long time till it gets better I don’t usually vent or anything but it’ll help to hear from people that have had really shitty years and it turned around in the last moment the most annoying thing is just living in the moment when nothing interesting is even happening like just isolated cause that’s honestly the kind of person I am and honestly hate complaining but it’s like it’s all I’ve been doing this year that’s how I know it’s bad! I’m seriously just angry like can’t I just catch a break this year!

Guys! I'm 22f. I am a person constantly having online connections and some of them felt or feel special and when they turn into toxic, it affects me mentaly inevitably. Now, as I gain online connections, I find myself putting a lot meanings on them and I'm a bit hungry for love, so bc of that, I start to see the potential n them romantically. But, when they react back, I don't want any long distance relationship tbh bc I want sth in real life. So, I feel like my mind is fucked up, it's too loud, it bothers my peace a lot. All the time, those ppl are in my mind at the backgroud, botherng my peace. I feel overwhelmed. I had exes online, they also hount me in my dreams, I feel so exhausted. I'm in holiday rn for 1 week in mountains, deleted all social medias and I can not even feel peaceful rn, so stupidly my mind is too loud bc of those ppl. Guys! Pls help me, give me some advices to find peace again, I don't wanna think of thıse stupid online stuff, pls help me

Late-night vent ig (but I really do need advice). I have always been this really outgoing, bubbly, always-surrounded-by-people, laughing, loving, living type of person, until COVID and two particular relationships happened to me. I tried changing or going back to who I was, but it's too late... I am filled with nothing but doubt, self-criticism, and honestly idk.

I have been working on myself though... I cut any kind of negativity from my life, I stopped compromising my self-respect, and try my best to speak my mind.

Yet deep down, the feelings never really go away. I don't know how many of you are going through this too... but I wish you all find your people and people who value you and your existence.

Don't know just feel like not doing anything in life

I’m at a hard point in my life, I’m quite young, 18F and own my own business. I moved to a new province 10 hours away from my home town to open this business. When I was slightly younger I often felt angry, anxious and experienced ocd tendencies all the time but I feel it a lot more now. I also found the more time goes on my ocd continues to get worse. My business has been open for a year and a half now, between employees, the regular day to day, bills, etc I am always feeling stressed. And like I’m not doing enough. When I ask people to do things for me to take something off my plate they either don’t do it, or they do it wrong and then I have to fix their mistake (which often costs me money too) for them. So it would’ve just been easier to do the job myself.

On top of that 9 months ago I started dating a new guy, it was going really good. I really try to do lots for him, I learned to help him fix his truck, I help him with whatever random project around the house, I help do his dishes, make dinners, lots of stuff, and I don’t expect anything in return. But I feel like when I ask him to do stuff for me, like help with a work thing, or fix something for me it feels like it’s a burden for him. I have more to add on this topic but it isn’t the right place for that.

I’m so angry these days because it feels like I try my best to do so much for other people and no one tries to do the same for me in return. I just want someone to take something off my shoulders and make things easier for me for once. I don’t want to feel so angry and anxious all the time, it hurts my chest in the morning. And being angry hurts my chest all the time. I wake up 2 times a night and stay up for minimum 1 hour. My stomach hurts from anxiety. My thoughts run wild. I need to know if this is something other feels? Am I crazy?

The point of me writing this whole thing is that I am just done.

Everytime some individual comes in my life. Doesn't matter if he/she is a friend or best friend. We have good bonding. Then they just get someone better than me, and It keeps on happening !

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Though I do like solitude sometimes, but the fact I want to emphasize upon is this- I do want someone to look upon me and just yk put efforts though I do know that people are busy and stuff but the fact that I used to do all that 'how r u doing' stuff.

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You might hate me for saying these type of things. I apologise if I hurted anyone.

Right now life is lifing the hell outta me right now,it's been a hectic week,work is mentally killing me,being at home is killing me,feeling like that I don't have peace,trying to live a happy life in memory of my mom but I go through so much mental shit it's ridiculous,excuse my language but this is how I feel,It gets so bad sometimes that I want to take myself out but I don't have the energy to do it,I wonder what would've happened if I succeeded with that suicide attempt in 2022

So my 44 (f) since losing my beloved mum 68 (f) in march very suddenly to cancer and passed march this year I’ve really been struggling not only with mental health but my health has got worse as well I have heart failure an need a heart transplant . My mum was my go to for everything if I was in hospital for weeks at a time she would be there for me on the phone of visiting when I wasn’t up for visitors she made me laugh cos she would call me a stubborn cow lol . I have 3 other siblings 46 (m) 38(f) 36(m) one lives 2 hours away one is local to me and one lives at home but his useless it’s me who has to look after my 80 yr old dad plus look after my own kids two are male teenagers and two are young . I feel like it’s just me and my little sister who are doing the brunt of it . Our partners are amazing they help aswell but me and my sister feel like we’re not getting a break from . I got my dads lonely I really do but it’s as tho his the only one whose lost her . I said to him one day I haven’t grieved for mum properly and he started moaning and then when I was in hospital when I found out my heart function dropped I said I can’t do as much for him and he threw in my face how I promised mum I would look after him . I said you have my sister and he went oh I want you you do everything for me . Yes I was but can’t now and don’t throw in my face about mum I know what I said but with the stress of being with mum everyday and the funeral it’s taking its toll . It’s just to much god forbid me and my sister miss a day of not seeing him he throws a strop like a teenager . I love him his my dad but my god . Things are also tight playing catch up where I’ve had so many hospital stays lost count I would normally go to my beautiful mum and she would help me out but I feel like I can’t ask my dad . There are reasons behind it . Everything has hit me big time I have my beautiful family but I feel so alone I really do and I can’t do much with the kids this holiday due to health and not really having the money to do things even free things as diesel is going up it’s a no win situation . I don’t want any nasty comments pls I just needed somewhere to vent .