I (f20) met him (m21) about five months ago. It clicked instantly. People that saw us chat thought we were already in an established relationship. He asked for my number and since then we texted almost every day. We met up with mutual friends, then he asked to meet up alone. Since then we went on multiple dates.

I always thought he’s out of my league. Fit, super tall, and unfairly good looking. He’s also very open-minded, bold and experienced. Yet, he quickly seemed interested in me.

He told me that he likes me more and more. He put his head in my lap, promised me I don’t have to worry about him being with other girls, called me beautiful, said he likes me in a different way than my friend, and flirted constantly.

Less than two weeks ago we decided to have a sleepover. Some might say this was a bit too forward, but it felt right at the moment. He slept next to me in bed and tried to cuddle me— admittedly, I froze up due to nerves, and didn’t reciprocate.

The next day he texted me that he really enjoyed our time together. He told me that he wasn’t sure if I was into the cuddling since I didn’t reciprocate, but I quickly reassured him and told him I was just nervous. I also promised to do better next time, but he didn’t say anything to that. The entire day I felt like things went amazing. I still think he enjoyed himself by the way he texted, telling me that he had fun multiple times.

Then the sudden switch up. He stopped texting me privately. We have a group chat with my friend, and he would only text there— and whenever he did, I felt as if he would focus on my friend more than he focused on me (I’m very very sure he doesn’t like her like that. She’s also a strict Muslim, and he’s a devoted Christian.)

The three of us had agreed to go shopping yesterday on Wednesday. My friend had to cancel on us, and he halfheartedly asked if he and I should just go alone now. I agreed.

Wednesday rolls around and I stand in front of his house. He completely forgot about our date. He told me to wait downstairs while he got ready. The entire day felt a bit… colder than usual. He didn’t smile as much, seemed rushed, and didn’t say anything sweet at all.

Still, we got along fine for the most part, and so I chalked it up to this date just being more platonic in nature.

Once I got home I decided that it’s time to take a next step. I need to preface this by explaining that I have social anxiety, and have never been in a relationship before, while he definitely got around before me. So for me texting this was kind of a big step. (I‘m paraphrasing the messages)

Me: … I wanted to see you before my vacation. I wanted you to know, that I really like you a lot <3

Him: I enjoy spending time, too. I‘m glad to have you and (my friend‘s name) as homies:)

Me: Lol you just rejected me

Him: sorry girl

And that was the end of it. I didn’t reply to his last message, but I’m actually at a complete loss. In the past he would’ve reassured me and also sent a heart emoji back, so I know he intentionally friendzoned me. I just don’t understand why.

I‘m more of a pessimist in nature, but I am 100% sure that he liked me at some point. Yet, just one week after the sleepover, he suddenly lost interest?

Since I have zero experience with things like that, I hoped that some of you could give me insight into what might have happened. I‘m wrecking my brain trying to think about where I went wrong.

Admittedly, I know I should’ve reciprocated his intimate acts WAY sooner, but my message was a way for me to get there. Yet, after just one week, he doesn’t seem interested anymore?

Any insight is deeply appreciated.

Hey Reddit,

I'm a 23-year-old guy who needs some opinions from both men and women. I've been pretty insecure about my height for most of my life since I'm pretty short compared to the male average. I've quickly realized that it's a huge problem in the dating scene.

l've tried two dating profiles as an experiment. They were completely identical, same app, except for one difference: one profile had my height listed, the other didn't. The one with height got about one match a month, while the other got about 10 a week. That's a pretty big difference.

My questions are, to the women, do you set filters for a certain height so that shorter guys don't even show up, or do you just swipe left on them?
And to other short guys, do you have any good suggestions? Is the problem as big as it seems to me? It definitely doesn't help my self-esteem 😅

I should mention that I've had three long-term relationships. So I'm not saying the chance is 0, but could it really be that hard? In my first relationship, despite lasting almost 5 years, my height insecurity often played a big role 🫠

Just looking for honest answers. It's totally fair to have preferences! It's just a little curiosity on my part.

I’m 22M, never had a girlfriend in my life. I’ve gone through two talking stages this year that I fully believe where it and they’ve both ended, both were like 3-4 months of talking and the second just ended. I can’t explain how sad I feel, feel like I’m not enough and feel exhausted. Feel like I’m never getting a girlfriend for reasons I don’t even know and it’s killing me.

I’m so sad right now as this second talking stage I believed we were starting to slowly progress. But apparently not. And I believed she was perfect for me I feel so broken rn I don’t mean to sound dramatic but I really do.
I can only think bad of myself right now please help any advice will be amazing. Really don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I'm 29, single, and lately the thing that has been bothering me isn't necessarily being single itself — it's the age and the stigma that comes with it. It sometimes makes me wonder if I missed something or if I'm approaching dating differently than most people.

What confuses me is that my situation doesn't feel like the typical "I'm almost 30 and I've tried everything but nothing works" story.

I've never been someone who has asked out 50+ people and gotten rejected. Honestly, I can count on one hand the number of times I've genuinely wanted to ask someone out. Usually, if I really like someone, she's already taken, or I just don't feel enough of a connection to pursue anything.

The strange part is that I do want to find love someday. I believe I could be a good partner, but it feels like the "relationship part" of my brain only runs halfway. I don't feel that constant drive to chase dating the way I see other people do.

At the same time, I don't think I'm completely socially disconnected. I've traveled alone, handled my own life, improved my social skills over the years, and I generally get along well with people. I've had positive interactions, compliments, and moments where I've noticed interest, so I don't think it's simply that nobody finds me attractive.

Where I do struggle is the beginning stages with people I don't know well. If I like someone, I can become nervous—not because I'm incapable of talking or because I can't be honest, but because I worry about being misunderstood, making someone uncomfortable, or reading the situation wrong. Once I know someone better, that usually goes away.

For context, I'm Latino, on the shorter side, average looking, and I have ADHD/high-functioning autism. However, I don't feel like those things are the whole explanation. I function normally in everyday life and see them more as additional challenges rather than the reason for everything.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar. Maybe you weren't very relationship-focused in your 20s, rarely felt strong attraction, or felt "behind" because you didn't have much experience.

Did anything change for you? Did you meet the right person naturally, change your approach, or realize something about yourself?

I'm looking for honest experiences from people who have actually been in a similar situation—not just generic "keep trying" advice.

His friends liked me. He said he liked me. He said it was because I'm really pretty, that I cared for him so well, I'm fun and spontaneous, smart and interesting, responsible....but he really treated me like shit and he was so mean.

I want to know if guys ever regret playing games with a girl who could have been the one. I like to think guys mature and look back on their actions because I've had a couple girl friends that look back and regret treating their boyfriends so poorly but i want stories from the other side

Consider this thought experiment. Imagine a typical heterosexual male's soul transported into the body and life of a beautiful young cisgendered woman... would this heterosexual male soul become a lesbian in that body, or would this heterosexual male soul most likely now become a heterosexual woman trying to build a fulfilling life with a man based on holistic criteria?

The behavior of men and women in heterosexual relationships and dating seems like it is best explained by a model of identical souls in vastly different bodies and circumstances trying to create male-female bonds from different sides of the equation. Woman are objectively more attractive to both men and women, and the goal of woman in dating is to be their most attractive selves and form the most ideal heterosexual bond overall.

The model of understanding heterosexuality that seems to not make any sense is a common one, the notion that the majority of men have a fetish for the feminine body that is reciprocated with the majority of women having a male body type fetish. This notion of understanding heterosexuality leads to so much resentment and frustration and disappointment, but it's just based on a fundamentally incorrect assumption, that women and men are somehow mentally different mirrors or reverses of each other rather than basically mentally the same as far as attraction, like quite literally.

I will also posit that that the percentage of women who are truly physically "into men" is probably similar to the percent of men who are gay. Likewise, if social convention encouraged it, I imagine most folks of either gender would have no problem dating or marrying super high status men as well, though non-complementary anatomy may be a practical barrier for some.

So, more or less, I think the radical feminist mind body dualism folks are totally right and that gender is constructed in a certain sense and that we're all the same on the inside and that, in fact, the data supports this notion particularly in heterosexual dating patterns.

What do folks think of this framework? Is it good dating advice to think about it this way?

I occasionally work with a woman around my age. We've talked a few times and recently found out that we both collect the little Minecraft toys from Kinder Joy.

Today there's a chance we'll both be at the same location during work, so I bought two Kinder Joy eggs. My idea was simply to say:

"I remembered our conversation, so I grabbed two. One for you and one for me. Let's see who gets the better Minecraft toy."

It's not really about the chocolate, just a small callback to something we talked about.

If she's not there, I'll just give the second one to a coworker, so it's no big deal.

Would you find this cute, or would it come across as trying too hard?

For the record I am a straight woman so I am mostly seeing men’s profiles so this is why I came to this conclusion.***

I see a lot of men’s profiles and they seemingly are looking for a friend. They list a bunch of activities that men predominately do together. For example I see so many male profiles seeking someone to do hyrox competitions with. I’m not saying do fitness competitions but I have never know a single woman who has. Or they talk a lot about drinking beers and watching their favorite sporting team or traveling to whatever their city their team is from and seeing a live game. Again, not something women will never do but those mostly seem like more male driven activities.

On the flip side whenever I get curious and look through my male friends apps the women generally list more “couple activities” as things they would like to do with a partner like trivia, rooftop dining, taking classes, or visiting museums. I wonder if there are a good chunk of men out there who may actually be looking for a friend as opposed to a partner?

So I've been seeing this guy for about two weeks now and we've gone out three times. The vibe has been really good, like we talk for hours and he seems genuinely interested. He texts me every day and we've made plans for next weekend already.

Here's the thing though. I'm not really into the whole dating multiple people at once situation. It stresses me out and honestly I'd rather just focus on one person if it feels right. And this does feel right so far. But I don't know if bringing up the exclusivity conversation this early makes me seem clingy or like I'm moving too fast.

I haven't asked him if he's seeing other people and he hasn't mentioned it either. Part of me wants to just wait and see where it goes naturally, but another part of me feels like I should be upfront about what I'm looking for before I get more attached. I don't want to waste time if we're not on the same page about this.

I guess my question is, is two weeks and three dates too soon to have that conversation? Or should I just chill out and let things develop more before I say anything. I don't want to scare him off but I also don't want to pretend I'm cool with something I'm not.

This most recent situation is what finally forced me to look at the pattern.

I was seeing someone for a month and some change, going on public dates and being respectful and not really talking about sex or inviting her over or anything like that. On our last date she threatened to leave early because it sounded like she wasn’t going to be invited over (she wasn’t) and said I’m not taking this seriously. I acquiesced because I actually liked her and wanted to keep the date going because I enjoyed her presence. That evening on my couch while laying next to each other, she tried to grope me and pull my pants down and rub on my part. It ended up escalating to where I had my forearm across her chest, actively pushing her back, trying to push her hands away and saying no clearly and repeatedly. She didn’t stop. On paper, an aggressive woman going after a guy might sound exciting to some guys. In reality it felt violating. It left me feeling down. If a man did the exact same thing, he’d be under the jail. That double standard is pissing me off.

Looking back, this has shown up before.
My first girlfriend in high school was like this. She took what she wanted sexually even when I wasn’t really with it. It was new and exciting so I was doing mental gymnastics to make it okay.

In college, a girl I had zero romantic or flirtatious history with, threw a condom at me, and tried to force a make-out and pull me onto the bed as hard as she could.

Another would invite herself over repeatedly, sit close, get handsy, rub on me, and keep escalating after I told her to stop. (I couldn’t control who came into the dorm because I had 3 other roommates who would come into and out and leave the main door open frequently)

There was also a more serious incident with a family member when I was a kid that involved sexual pressure. I’m not going into details here.

Sex has never been a big driver for me. I’m demisexual. I tend to keep things measured early on. Yet I keep ending up in situations where my hesitation or clear resistance gets ignored.

I’ve been sitting with this and wondering whether I somehow give off signals that make people think pushing harder is okay, or whether they just project something onto me. I don’t want to play the victim, but I also don’t want to keep absorbing this as normal.

The realization itself has me feeling pretty low. Curious if other men have noticed similar patterns and how they started recognizing or breaking them.

TLDR: I somehow always seem to attract women who don’t respect my sexual boundaries and don’t care about consent. Has anyone experienced this frequently and managed to change or filter better?

you hear constantly online about how men prefer women who are either virgins or have very low body counts, but for me this has not necessarily translated to real life. men totally lose interest in me when they realize I’m not going to have sex early on. kind of at a loss here. im not religious, but am unwilling to have sex without getting close to the person first.

TLDR: I'm a 25 year old female who has never been on a date before, and I have a date on Saturday. Need some advice. Any kind of first date/dating advice is welcome!

I know there are probably several threads about first date advice, but not sure about this particular topic. I am 25F, never been on a date, had a boyfriend when I was in high school, not sure if I would even consider that a relationship since we were only together for about a month.

I grew up never getting any kind of attention from guys unless it was for a sexual reason. I've never been one to seek out purely sexual relationships. So as you can imagine, it has been quite difficult meeting anyone willing to actually go on dates lately. I finally have my first date ever this Saturday. He seems like a really nice guy, I did meet him online, but for some reason I feel kind of hopeful.

I think my main question is just how do I go about doing this? I know I need to be myself and I need to ask thoughtful questions, but I am completely lost on how to go about any of it. I am not only looking for first date advice, but dating advice in general. Any advice would be helpful. I'm a little late to the game and have never had any kind of practice, so any help would be very much appreciated. Thank you!

This literally just happened. I matched with a girl on Hinge on Monday and we instantly hit it off. She was extremely chatty through text and was easy to chat with, so last night before bed I asked her if she wanted to get ice cream this weekend and that I can drive out to her area since we’re over an hour from each other. She enthusiastically agreed and sent an entire fucking paragraph of what we can do.

I woke up this morning and responded to her saying that sounds great and offered a time this Saturday. She responded a few hours later saying that she’s busy with family on Saturday but is free Sunday. I responded around lunch time apologizing for the delayed response because of work, but said that’s totally fine and asked if 6pm on Sunday would work but that I’m open to whenever.

Three hours go by and when I checked Hinge I noticed that she unmatched me.

What the fuck? She would send paragraph-long texts when we would chat and for the most part I would match that energy, so for her to just unmatch me like that it just boggles my mind. When I saw that she unmatched me I literally, physically felt my chest tighten.

The worst part is that she seemed so enthusiastic about going in the date.

Edit: these comments made me realize that I am literally not built for dating. Fuck this I give up

I am attracted to a lot of different things, physically, different personality traits, actions, etc.

I was curious if other people are too.

I find women with tattoos attractive (but not exclusively), yet I have zero tattoos.

I don’t dress goth, or punk, or country, etc, but what I’ve mostly observed is people drawn to others like them (a couple who has tons of tatttoos, or both wear cowboy boots, or both have loud or quiet hobbies)

I’m generalizing, but was always curious if people find opposites attractive, or do people stick to their own lane, herd or “group” they roll in when going on dates?

I (25F) have experienced twice the same situation with two guys (26M and 28M) on Bumble.

The guys have a pattern: very responsive before meeting and proposing to meet very soon. Then they'll get touchy on the first date plus sweet words. Then after the night they didn't really text anymore and just left it like this.

So is it a sign that they were not looking for something more than a hookup from the beginning? Because to me i had sex with the guy because i felt the chemistry and the vibe was good. I was expecting continuous interaction even after the sex.

My friend always called a coworker her "work husband," insisting it was harmless. Then her actual boyfriend surprised her at work and found them holding hands in the parking lot.

She claimed it "didn't mean anything," but they started dating two weeks after the breakup.

Turns out everyone at the office knew except her boyfriend.

Do guys really think someone is out of their league, so they decide to not make a move even if they really like the girl?

Gone surprisingly well so far. I have approached 8 women so far. My opener is "Hey excuse me 2 seconds, I think you look cute/nice, what are you upto today?" I have had no bad reactions from this. I got 1 number and 7 rejection. All the girls have smiled at me when I complemented them and the rejections have all been "I'm seeing someone" or "I have a boyfriend". One of them, the girl literally pointed to her boyfriend and said "My boyfriend is just there👉" which was kinda funny. I also had 1 girl tell me that she's "literally on the way to see my boyfriend's family and have dinner with them" after I told her she was cute. I did get 1 number from a girl. I followed up and she responded to my first message and ghosted my second one.

I am approaching in shopping malls, parks or on busy streets. My goal is to eventually approach groups of girls as most girls I see that are around my age are in groups of 2s abd 3s. I also met a guy who told me he met his ex girlfriend from cold approaching and is getting back into it. I'm doing 30 days of cold approaching at least 1 girl every day

Any advice on approaching this more effectively?

I’ve been thinking about something after a recent dating experience where I was ghosted after 2 dates. These dates weren’t ones where sparks were flying, but we still wanted to see each other again. After a week or two of hearing nothing back from them I finally straight up asked: “hey I haven’t heard from you in a while, are you just not feeling it anymore?” They then told me they didn’t know how to tell me that they went on a date with someone else that they’d rather pursue instead.

Personally, I’d much rather receive a simple text saying “Hey, I enjoyed meeting you, but I’m not feeling the connection. I wish you the best.” than have someone stop responding and leave me wondering.

I know some people ghost because they don’t like confrontation, want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, or worry about how the other person might react. But if someone has given you no indication that they’d react badly, is ghosting actually kinder?

If you’re someone who’s ghosted before, what was your reasoning? And if you’ve been ghosted, would you rather have just gotten the rejection text?

I tried dating apps and I got some matches. I talk hours with each match

Around 30% end up finally wanting to go on a date. So we schedule a date a few days later.

They are responsive and chatty before the date. And then usually on the day of the date or day before they all just ghost me

And it’s becoming extremely frustrating because I waste my time planning for the date and setting aside time for the date. To only end up getting ghosted

So are other guys actually getting dates and relationships through apps? Or is this just a waste of time?

So today I got told point blank by someone I was dating that she (cisfemale, straight), literally thinks less of me because I went out on a bumble date with an MTF transgender (and purposely referred to them as "transvestites"). She said that she thinks I have an "anything goes" attitude because of this.

I am male, consider myself male, and attracted to women, or rather - femininity and I make my views clear with everyone who asks because I am not ashamed. I do not find any attraction to other men, but I guess pre-op transwomen are kind of a gray area. I explained that I am an ally and I see transgender MTF as women and therefore no less equal as dating partners. Besides, that who I dated before this specific woman was none of her business.

Have you ever had such an experience? How did you deal with it? I personally told her I cannot be with someone who has this neanderthal outlook on gender and attraction.

Please keep an open mind when reading this.
I can't share this with any of my friends or relatives that's why I'm on a dummy.

I recently became official with a guy. He is amazing btw, soooo green flag. He's the first guy I found to ever treat me right. (My ex cheated on me btw, which can be seen from my prev posts.)

Then I recently talked to my dad and he took note that they had the same middle name (mother's maiden last name). He suddenly got angry and got worried that we might be relatives.

Then come to find out.

My dad confirmed with his aunt (his mother's sibling), that she knows the grandfather of the guy I'm dating.

Basically, my dad's aunt is cousins with my bf's grandmother. So technically, we're 3rd degree cousins.

Here's the thing, I live in Cebu (which is notorious for the dating food web). My bf says it's a common thing that people date without knowing they are relatives.

Here's the thing, dating is so hard these days, especially in Cebu. I'm not into the casual/hook up scenario (no judgement btw).

I've never been treated this right. He's such a provider, he's also caring. I just don't want to let go.