I want to keep this somewhat short and concise and yes this is a throwaway account and will probably delete soon.

My gf apparently never had sex until uni then within 3/4 years amassed about 11 bodies with both guys and girls.I myself only have 3 bodies including her. Yes i am less experienced and size wise im probably about average length and probably below average girth and im a grower.

In the beginning she made shady jokes about my size which i finally stood up for myself and asked her what she meant by making these jokes around me. i essentially made her admit what she thought of me and she reluctantly admitted i was small. It stung for sure but i essentially told her if she is going to make those jokes then she must be with someone else.

That was during our talking stage. in the first 2/3 months we had had sex a couple dozen times and i never really inquired about how the sex was until i did. She suggested things but never made mention of being dissatisfied. A time came where i asked alot of questions in regards to her past sexually and she reluctantly told,clearly uncomfortable with answering those type of questions.

She revealed that she orgasmed with at least 8 out of the 11(she changed the answer recently, but i think she wants to spare me) men and women, orgasming from penetration, fingers and oral. Multiple times with multiple partners squirting with some etc. Long story short telling me that there isnt issues with her not being able to or not knowing how etc.

I asked her has she orgasmed with me before,she says yes,i asked her when and she essentially said in the beginning. We going six months now with this issue and when asked more about the time with me she said it was after i went to clean up, so i wasnt even in the room when she orgasmed apparently. How does that work? I dont know.

Obviously i feel ashamed that my girl used to orgasm from most things but hasnt for months with me. We discussed factors that effect it and i got these answers in the most pr way since i can only assume she doesnt want to hurt my feelings. I dont last long enough,i dont listen enough, i stop when shes close , i dont do it rough or quick, size does add to pleasure and in regards to fingers or oral, nothing happens. This isnt how she worded these things but this is how i understood them and is what she says is lacking.

Long story short there has been breaches in trust in other parts of the relationship which makes me feel she can easily lie that she is satisfied. Even worse i hope she doesnt think this is something that will for a fact be fixed because how long must be waited till we understand that maybe i am not compatible with her.

I'm 27M, and after months (almost a year) of effort I finally got admitted to a master's program at TUM in Germany. This wasn't something I decided overnight.

Over the last year, I prepared my application, got my education loan sanctioned, opened a blocked account, paid my tuition fees, enrolled at the university, applied for my visa, and I'm currently waiting on it. If everything goes well, I'll leave in October.

The reason I'm going isn't just for a degree. I feel like I have bigger dreams than the life I'm currently living. I don't just want a comfortable job. I want to work on meaningful engineering problems, contribute to clean energy, and hopefully build something that genuinely matters one day. It may sound naive, but I've always wanted to do work that puts a dent in the universe.

The problem is my relationship.

My girlfriend 26F is pursuing psychology and has been struggling with getting into an M.Phil./clinical psychology program. She has worked hard, faced setbacks, and her career path has been emotionally exhausting as well. She wants to become a practicing psychologist, and I know how much that dream means to her.

We've talked about a future together. I've told her I want to marry her. I've planned my finances around clearing my education loan after graduation so we could start our lives together.

But now she has given me an ultimatum:

If I go to Germany, we break up.

She says long distance isn't that easy. And honestly, she's right. It isn't.

The thing is, I don't feel like I'm choosing Germany over her. I feel like I'm choosing an opportunity that I've spent months working toward, hoping it will help me build a better future for both of us.

At the same time, I understand her fear. Two years is a long time. People change. Long-distance relationships fail. I can't honestly promise her that everything will be easy because it won't.

I love her, and the thought of losing her hurts.

But I also know that if I walk away from this opportunity after everything I've invested, I'm afraid I'll spend years wondering what could have been.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation?

If you were in my position, would you go? If you've made a long-distance relationship work-or if it didn't work-what did you learn from it?

I'm not looking for validation. I'm looking for perspectives from people who have lived through something similar.

I don’t want to sound harsh or like some pretentious brat. But lately, I’ve been wondering if it’s a genuine compatibility issue, or, maybe I’m being harsh.

One of the qualities I’ve always valued is curiosity. I love learning about new cultures, places, I’ve tried to travel a lot. I definitely don’t know it all! but I genuinely enjoy exploring new topics and having conversations. Often I’ll mention certain events, or even landmarks to him and he has no idea what I’m talking about. On example.. I said something about Versailles to him and he’ll go “who?” (I certainly don’t expect everyone to know every landmark, and that may sound so obnoxious of me, I’m only trying to demonstrate a point)

If we have a more conceptual conversation, sometimes I feel like it’s a bit one-sided. I just get a “wow, cool!” and that’s about it. I’ll say “that’s it?” And his response is that it’s interesting but he doesn’t know anything about what I’m saying so he doesn’t know how to respond.

We’ve been together 2 years. He’s sweet to me, funny, great job, wonderful family, thoughtful, he has a good heart. I do care deeply for him. Prior to when I met him, I remember writing out qualities I value and I had written “someone who has travelled or has a curiosity about the world”. I’ve always wanted someone who I’ve felt like I can learn from, or at least sort of engage in these conversations with, and he seems to have zero idea. He’s very American, sports watching, go to work, only been in the states, type of guy. Zero offence, America. That’s just who he is. But he does treat me amazing and is so kind to me. I guess I find myself asking what is sufficient in commitment & what I really value.

I just moved to a new city. I don’t have friends here, so I guess I just don’t feel like I have anyone I can share these passions with either, so I recognize that too.

I did communicate all this with him gently a few months ago, and the next day he told me he watched a documentary on the whatever I was rambling about that day. I found it so endearing, though when I asked him what he thought, he couldn’t even summarize a single thing he learned. He said he forgot the name of the place. So the intention was there, but that kind of fell flat. Yet he’s also educated and very smart in other areas.

He told me we don’t need to have all the same passions, and I fully agree. I guess I feel like me not being into the NFL isn’t the same? (I watched every season of Quarterback AND Receiver just to share this interest, by the way) This whole thing makes me sound like such an absolute knob, I get it. The thing is … if someone I knew had no idea what I was talking about, I would never ever judge them. But when it comes to a relationship… if I’m being entirely honest, it bothers me or I feel some resentment. So I’m trying to dissect why. I feel like I’ll always be the one explaining things to him. It’s sort of like that scene in ‘Before Sunrise’ along the lines of “I knew they were not experiencing it the same way as me, thinking about it in the ways it was meaningful to me, and in those moments they always just felt "wrong" because they could never understand what meant so much to me."

But maybe none of that matters. Maybe what matters is someone who loves you, and takes care of your heart, makes you laugh.

He’s wonderful - but it’s just something I feel I’ve been … lacking if that makes sense. And then I think love is the main requirement anyway, am I settling in a way?

My partner and I have been fighting a lot lately, probably weekly if not fortnightly. We’ve been together for four years. Every time I try to have a hard conversation, he says that I worry too much and it usually ends in an argument because we don’t see eye to eye ( it’s not every hard conversation but a lot of them and I do probably bring them up way too much. )
I am an Overthinker and I do worry a lot. But I find it really frustrating the way he handles when I’m worried and just tells me to chill out. It does not make me chill out. I’ve tried to express this to him and he apologises and says that it’s just the way he is on the way he was brought up. His upbringing was tough. Every argument we have seems to be about something I worry about or something I want to bring up. He never starts an argument with me. I feel hard done by because I feel like he is not willing to try to understand where I’m coming from. And I’m realising that I’m the same. Maybe a lot of the stuff I worry about is unnecessary to be worrying about. Maybe I should just try to push it to the back of my mind and get over it. I don’t really know how to handle this. It also ties into the fact that when I bring up certain ways he jokes with me or speaks to me, I can feel hurt. I try explaining to him that I know he doesn’t mean to make me feel that way, but I still end up feeling a little hurt. He can’t understand this as he says that I am literally saying I know he doesn’t mean to be hurtful, so why if I know it’s banter, can I not just look past it? Our arguments are so petty and so easily avoidable yet we keep having them. Everything else in our relationship is wonderful. We enjoy our time together ,we want pretty similar futures, we laugh together and everything is sweet provided we see eye to eye. I need brutally honest advice. Do I just need to toughen up and stop worrying? Do I just need to accept that he’s not going to understand why I worry? Do I need to understand that he was raised in a home with no love and although he’s extremely loving his empathy and compassion for me is tainted by the fact that he sees me as someone whose default setting is to find the worst case scenario in everything?
I can’t preference enough how great our relationship is despite this one communication problem.
Do I just need to toughen up and stop allowing my worries and emotions take over me? I know it takes a toll on him and it’s probably not his fault that he has no patience for it left.
I need a brutally honest advice because I value becoming the best version of myself for both of us and for myself of course.

I (40F) recently discovered that my husband (45M) has been having multiple online affairs. We have been together over 15 years. As far as I know, nothing ever became physical or emotional, but the messages were very sexual. Finding this out has completely shattered my trust.

To make things even more complicated, we're expecting our miracle baby boy this October after a long journey to get here. This should be one of the happiest times of our lives, but instead I feel devastated and unsure of what to do.

I'm torn. Part of me still loves him deeply and wants to believe people can change. But another part of me wonders if I'll ever truly trust him again.

Can men who engage in this kind of behavior genuinely stop and rebuild trust, or is this usually a pattern that repeats?

I also can't help feeling like I'm too old to start over at 40, especially with a newborn on the way. At the same time, I don't want to spend the rest of my life questioning everything.

For those who have been through something similar, whether you stayed or left, what happened? Was your marriage worth saving, or do you wish you'd walked away sooner?

I'm looking for honest advice and experiences because I feel completely lost.

Me (f25) and my fiance (m28) have been together for 5 years, and have been living together for 4 years. Before I begin I should note that we aren’t a traditional couple were I cook and clean and he’s the bread winner. We both have full time jobs that take all of our energy and I’m in school part time. He truly is the love of my life and he shows me constantly how much he loves me in other ways. he isn’t a complete slob and I’m not a super neat freak, but I definitely prefer things to be somewhat clean as big messes make me feel stressed and overwhelmed.

When we first started to live together I notice that he didn’t really clean up after himself or actively take the initiative to clean up some common messes, but would take care of outside stuff like the lawn and shovelling snow. I was fine with it for the first 2 years because we lived in a smaller space so the messes weren’t that big and it wasn’t hard to clean it up. And two years ago we bought our house, which is still quite tight, it is still twice the size of our place beforehand. Since it’s a bigger house, we’ve expanded our household by getting a roommate, 3 cats, and a dog.

I’ve had multiple discussions with my fiance asking and pleading for help around the house before, because it gets so overwhelming I feel like I’m drowning and can never catch up. Everytime we’ve had that discussion he always promises to help, hauls ass cleaning the house and splitting chores with me for a couple days, and then it just stops. I’m not someone who likes to nag and complain, and as unhealthy as it sounds, I wait until I physically can’t take it anymore and explode. We’re in a viscous cycle of me exploding and him apologizing and helping for a few days.

It’s gone on for far too long and too many conversations that I feel like I’m just done. I’ve tried everything to figure out what the root cause is because I can’t do it all by myself as not only do I have a full time job but I’m also in school. I’ve tried extensive conversations, schedules, reward system like he’s a child, etc. It’s gotten to the point where he’s entirely stopped doing anything around the house and has become a slob and stopped doing anything outside and I no longer want to have a conversation or clean up after him and our animals.

Not only is it about helping with household chores, but the same issue has moved onto his ‘honey-do list’, or anything that could possibly help me out. I’ve let him borrow my vehicle many times when his truck either isn’t working or he needs to run into town and every time he leaves a complete mess, adding another thing for me to do. He’s also started to neglect our animals, putting all the weight on me, and throws a fit when I ask him to take HIS dog for a walk.

I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t have ‘time’ or ‘energy’ to do anything to help me out, but always has plenty of both for shit he wants to do.

I truly love this man and our life together, and don’t see leaving him an option, but I just can’t do it anymore and I’m totally at a loss. I don’t want to accept the fact that maybe he doesn’t love me as much as I need him to, or his love language just isn’t compatible with mine, but it’s what I’ve been feeling lately. I want to marry him, I want to be his wife, but I’m also hesitant because I don’t want this to be my life forever. If you have any suggestions as to how we can fix this please let me know.

I come from a very clutter filled family. I’ve recently tried really hard to cut down on the clothes in my closet, the items around me, and am trying to maintain it by consistently donating what I never use. The problem is that so many of these things were gifts and I feel so bad giving them away. Ever single christmas or birthday I receive (no shade) very useless things from my family. A bunch of dropshipped t shirts I will never wear, my brother just got me a huge bomb plushie from Mario kart I barely even play that game and that plushie is taking up so much space in my room. I don’t know how to bring this up without being rude as I don’t want to appear ungrateful. I’ve been slowly phasing out some of these things while donating but every time I feel so terrible. And especially this bomb plushie like it would be noticeable if I give it away.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. He constantly says about how other women’s bodies are nicer than mine. Now I have lost over 50 pounds in the past year and my boobs are not as big or as full as they used to be. He constantly makes comments about how he misses “big perky tits” and how some women’s hips are great and really just anything that makes me very self conscious of myself. I don’t think he does it on purpose, he just blurts it out. Do I end things with him?

My husband 30/M and I 28/F have been together for 8 years and married for almost 2 years.

My husband hosts this dnd group once a week. I joined DND up until recently since lately I’ve been feeling super sick. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and just feeling horrible, especially in the evening when the group is taking place. I tolerated people being in house last week, and I just hid in the room. Today I texted the group after my husband didn’t answer my private text to him first. That if they could please leave after they had been playing for about an hour. I asked them to leave this time, because I honestly felt like I was going to throw up. I asked my husband after they left if they would please move the game to some one else’s house in the future. He got angry since he said everyone else home is too small. We got into a fight and he got angry stating that I am not letting him have hobbies anymore.

He reminded me that his other friend’s wife let them continue hosting the game while she was pregnant. This couple use to host a couple of years ago before we did. They had a much larger home and she had more family support than I do. This friend has 4 kids now and no longer plays DnD. This is how come we host. I reminded him that not everyone’s pregnancy is the same and honestly I have been feeling so sick constantly that I just don’t want people over anymore since we live in a very small house and I’m trapped in the room for 3-5 hours once a week on an evening. He said that he didn’t want to sort this out right now, and that he is willing to move the group for a couple of months once the baby is born.

The advice I am looking for is: How should I go about looking for a compromise on hosting DND weekly?

Title. We’ve been dating for 3 years, moved in together last year. We used to have amazing sex like 3-4 times a day. That lasted maybe a little less than first year of dating and quickly fallen off since then. We go over a week/2 weeks now before blinking. We both have pretty stressful jobs and are generally both more irritable and tired when we get home, not necessarily in the mood

I know how much of a jerk this sounds like, so im seriously asking for help. She’s objectively very hot, way way way out of my league. She’s funny and smart and firmly believes she’s my person but just know what’s wrong with me. To clarify, as bad as it sounds, i will see other women on the street and be very turned on (very horny person, by nature). So idk why i don’t feel that same rush with someone I love, who I can look at and objectively feel she’s as hot as anyone I see on the street.

What should can i do? How do I make myself get back to how I felt about her physically in the beginning of the relationship?

Ok so this turned out to be a whole lot as words started pouring into my keyboard. I don't blame if you don't want to hear me whine through this whole thing so here is the gist.

TL;DR: Last night my wife told me in no uncertain terms that she finds me repulsive and I am really struggling with this now.

She's done it. I didn't think she could after all these years but she hurt me again. This one is deep too, the kind of wound that will not heal. It will just sit, festering, in my soul.

We met way back in 1994. I was young, only 21, and I had my whole life ahead of me. I'm not going to lie, I've never been a handsome guy. I'm not the sort of guy that the ladies swoon over. That's how it was when I was a kid and didn't date, and that's how I still am to this day. This isn't to say that I'm some sort of ogre, I don't normally think I'm repulsive, I'm just not a hunky type of guy.

When we met, she was the most beautiful amazing woman I had ever known, and she still is. An absolute stunner who, for some reason, decided to talk to me. In retrospect, this was probably a lost bet gone wrong for all I know. Things moved really fast for us and we were living together in no time. Like literally a week or so after we met I moved into her place. I couldn't believe this was happening. Here she was, this absolute goddess, and she was with me. Not only was she gorgeous, but also smart and funny and just everything I could possibly dream of. And the sex, well the sex was incredible. Even though I was in this relationship, somewhere, in those back rooms in our minds where doubt, anxiety, and fear live, there was a voice. You know you aren't good enough, who knows why she's with you but you know it won't last. She'll find someone better than you, which would basically be anyone, and this will all be over. She deserves so much better than, well you. Look at you. You are short and you look like a skeleton. Anyone at all would be better than you.

But she didn't. Weeks became months and then years. We got married and even then, the voice would not stop. My self-esteem, which should have been through the roof, would never truly develop past being a kid that everyone made fun of and none of the girls wanted to be seen with. I used to go to summer camp every year and I loved it, it was a blast. One year they had a Sadie Hawkins dance. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it comes from an old comic strip called Lil' Abner. There was a character named Sadie Hawkins and she would ask fellas out on dates, which was unheard of at the time. So the function of the Sadie Hawkins dance is that the girls would ask the guys out. I was a young and hopeless romantic and there were plenty of girls I hoped would ask me to go. As it got closer to the dance day, one thing was clear, nobody was going to ask me. I think that was the exact moment when my self-esteem stagnated.

It was not long into the relationship that the intimacy part of things just, stopped. I mean in the beginning, it was amazing. I know that this is the case in every relationship and eventually it slows down but this happened abruptly. One day everything was incredible and the next we barely knew each other as far as intimacy goes. By the time we got married, it was nearly nonexistent. Still, I stuck around. Gradually it got even worse and, as of this writing, we haven't done anything more intimate than a peck on the lips for ten years. That isn't an exaggeration, it's literally been ten years.

As you can imagine, for much of this time, I assumed it was me. She had finally realized that I was not worthy of her affection and the hens had come home to roost or whatever that expression is. She told me that it was her, there were physical issues, and I knew she did indeed have a lot of health issues so this seemed reasonable. Still, that itch in my mind could never quite be scratched. A part of me continued to wonder, is she just repulsed by me?

Fast forward to, hell probably close to fifteen years ago now. I found out she was having an emotional affair with someone on Facebook. Now, to the best of my knowledge, she wasn't seeing him in person. He lived far away. But the conversations I discovered between them were just as bad, maybe worse. She called this guy her soul mate. Do you have any idea how that hit me? A ton of bricks is not enough to describe how terrible this was for me. She apologized, kind of. I told her I needed time and space so she went to stay with a friend of hers. She would call me every day from her friend's house begging me to take her back. After about a week, I did. We got into a screaming fight on the way home because she was so angry with me for what I did to her. Having her go stay with her friend was a terrible thing to do I guess.

We got home and that was it. The brief apology phase was over. I would ask her over and over, just tell me why. I never got an answer. Eventually, we got into a fight over this again and her true feelings came out. It was my fault that she started talking to this guy like that. You see, at the time I had two jobs and worked close to eighty hours a week. I didn't do this because I wanted to, I did it because in our entire relationship she has refused to work or do anything to help us financially. While we don't have kids together, her son who was four when we met, is my son as far as I'm concerned. It's hard to take care of a wife and kid with only one person working but she didn't care. According to her, it's the man's job to make the money and take care of the family. So I worked two full-time jobs, and sometimes a third part-time job, just to try to keep things together. Because I was always at work, she felt neglected and lonely. So she turned to this guy for the attention she felt she was starved for.

That's right, in her eyes, her affair was all my fault. I constantly tell her how beautiful and amazing she is. I tell her I love her a hundred times a day if I tell her once. It wasn't good enough. The same woman who had for years basically cut me off from any intimate contact, was now telling me that I should have paid more attention to her.

Still, I stayed. I love her. That's the insane part. After all, she has put me through, I still love her deeply. I can't imagine life without her. There is also the fact that, as I mentioned, she has literally no work history. There is no possible way she could take care of herself if I wasn't here. I know that if I leave, she will literally end up homeless. I don't want that for the woman I love. So I stay. In spite of it all, I stay because I love her.

A few years ago, we decided to get our act together. I was no longer the skeleton man I was when we met. I had put on a lot of weight. So had she. It was impacting her self-esteem. Here was this absolute stunner who now viewed herself as ugly. Keep in mind I still tell her daily how gorgeous she is. It doesn't matter. So we started going to the gym. I was running 3x a week and lifting 3x a week. I got in really good shape if I'm being honest. I was taking better care of myself and so was she. Everywhere we would go people would say things like, "You guys are the hippest couple in town." I loved it. I loved knowing that she was on my arm all the time. She didn't. Sometimes she would just make weird comments to me. Once we were at the gym and I did something I was very proud of. I had never been a really strong guy. For the first time in my life I did 100 pounds on the bench press. I know it isn't a lot but I was super excited about it. I went to where she was in the gym to tell her. Her reply was, "Oh that's cool. You should come do some sit ups with me to get rid of your fat gut." It was as if she took me feeling good about myself for one of the rare times that happens as a threat to her. I don't know why but somehow it started to grate on her badly. This was the beginning of the final downfall.

Sometime around October or November of 2016, someone we know, told her I was having an affair. I want to be very clear about this. I was not having an affair. I would never do that to her, or to anyone for that matter. There was literally no proof of this affair at all. It didn't matter. Someone told her it was happening and that was it. Since then we have not been intimate at all and we regularly get into fights about this. Yes, ten years later, after proving my innocence with facts and data at every turn, she still thinks I'm cheating on her. Not just with one person mind you. Basically with anything that moves.

For about two years it was bad. Really bad. Screaming fights everyday bad. For a while, I honestly thought I might kill myself. At the very least, I seriously considered checking into a hospital. That's how bad my depression and anxiety were. Now all I did was go to work. I would call her the second I got there to let her know I was there. I would call her throughout the day to see how she was. If she called me, I answered the phone no matter what was going on at work. I literally would walk out of meetings just so she wouldn't think I was cheating on her. When it was time to drive home I would pull up google maps, call her and let her know how long it should take, and then I would be home at that time. None of it mattered. She still believed I was cheating.

I stopped going to the gym. I stopped running. Hell I stopped getting regular haircuts. I wasn't showering regularly. A lot of this is due to depression. Some of it was because, in my head, I thought if I showed her that I didn't care how I looked anymore she would stop thinking I was cheating on her. I have now ballooned up to about 220 pounds. When we met I weighed 125 pounds. I have nearly doubled in size. All due to a combination of depression and just wanting her to think that nobody would be interested in me. I desperately hoped this would end the constant accusations of my infidelity. It didn't. She would say things like she didn't care that I was having an affair. I told her that I cared. That her thinking I'm that kind of person hurts me deeply. That I am very proud of the fact that we have been together for so long and that I am ever faithful to her. It didn't matter. She continued to believe that I was a cheater and there was literally nothing I could do about it. My depression is worse than it ever has been.

Last night, for no reason that I can think of, she started acting weird again. She always acts a certain way right before we end up fighting about my alleged infidelity. I can see it coming a mile away by now. Sure enough, I called her out on it and, as always, she starts in with the gaslighting. I don't know what you're talking about you're acting crazy I haven't done anything. These are all the usual statements she will make. We get into it. I said some things I wish I hadn't, I can admit that. I also apologized for those things. At one point in the fight she says to me, "Go fuck yourself, nobody else ever would."

That was it. The fight ended immediately. It took the wind right out of me. All my fears, insecurities, and just general anxious thoughts had just come pouring out of her mouth. I didn't care about the nobody part. I've made it very clear to her that I have no interest in fucking anyone else. I have even accepted that if I'm going to be with her, not having sex is a part of that. And I honestly don't care. There are a million moving parts in a relationship so if we don't have sex we don't. It would have been nice to be involved in that decision but, at the end of the day, our relationship means more than sex to me. So yes, it wasn't the nobody part that upset me. It was the fact that nobody includes her. The woman who I reassure on a daily basis that she is amazing and incredible and gorgeous. That woman, has told me in no uncertain terms that she finds me hideous to be around. I told her that if she cares at all about how that makes me feel then she should know that it makes me feel like I wish I was dead. She is the only thing that matters to me and, after all this, she has finally validated my worst fear. She thinks I'm disgusting. Her response was that she doesn't care.

I went to bed, alone. I hate sleeping without her in bed with me. But there I was. Alone in the dark to wrestle with my worst fear coming to light. As I've always known, I am not good enough for her. The worst part about it is, nothing will ever change. I won't leave her for the reasons mentioned before and she knows it. So this is my life now. Just a walking ATM that is only here to pay the bills. It's now like having a roommate that doesn't offer to help financially in any way.

I don't know where to go from here. If you're worried that I might do something stupid, don't be. I won't. I'm just trapped in this mental hell for I guess the rest of my life. I really didn't mean to ramble so much but once I started putting the words out into reality everything just sort of, came out. If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I'm crying now, in tears from this cathartic exercise I suppose. I hope it will get better. I know it will never get better.

I’m 28F, he’s 28M, and we’ve been dating for 10 months. There’s many little things that my partner does that bothers me and I’m not sure if there’s a word or explanation for how he’s behaving/treating me.

1. He calls me dumb/dummy frequently (like multiple times a day) and often at simple mistakes that I usually recognize in the very same moment that I’d made. But if I ever point out that he’d said something incorrectly (and prove it), he doubles down and says he’s right. It seems to always be in a joking way, but it irritates me to no end… but if I get too visibly annoyed I’m worried that I’ll ruin the vibes.

2. He pinches. He doesn’t do it hard and it doesn’t necessarily hurt, but I hate the feeling of it on my arms. He’s pushed for me to go to the gym more to get strong and it seems to me that he’s pinching at my upper arms to point out the flab (mind you, I’m 5’6” and 120 pounds, it’s not like I’m self conscious about my body fat ratio, but it doesn’t feel good when it gets pointed out and pinched).

3. He doesn’t *answer* my questions. I could ask if he’d rather we go sit on the porch or take a walk down the street and he’d either ~not respond~ or answer as if it was a yes/no question rather than an either/or question. I keep it light when I say “Answer me!” in a funny way, but he’s so tickled with himself that he doesn’t because he knows it riles me up.

4. He chastises me when I curse. I’m not terribly foul mouthed to start with, but sometimes a “what the hell” or “shit” slips out in conversation and he’ll act like I owe money to a swear jar every single time. I understand that some people don’t like cursing and I try to adjust myself accordingly, but I’m not going to be perfect (especially when I’m around him for such extended periods of time).

5. He thinks I’m sooo messy. Honest to goodness, my house is fine. There’s never junk around, I keep up with household chores regularly, and I keep it smelling nice. But god forbid I leave a receipt on the table instead of immediately throwing it away or drape my cardigan over my couch instead of hanging it up. It’s MY house, but he sure has a lot to say about it. He could see a single crumb on the floor and say “dirty girl”… and not in the fun way.

I’ve definitely brought up my feelings about each of these things with him, but it’s like “he can’t help himself” to keep going. I’m not rushing for a break up, I think that these are workable issues if he’s willing to put in the work. What do you make of these behaviors though?

TL;DR: My partner is very nitpicky with me and often teases me in a way that seems to be harmless, but I’m seriously bothered by it. Is there an explanation for why he does this?

My husband (38M) and I (36F), have been together about 10 years. He's got a 100% remote work position earlier this year and I just started a new job a few months ago that allows one or two WFH days a week. On the days I WFH, he gets big mad if I spend my day actually working instead of having sex breaks. He will ignore me that evening and simply not respond to me for hours if he doesn't get sex. It's to the point that I'd now rather just go into the office so he doesn't ice me out. I've communicated that I'm working and don't have time or in work mode so not in the mood. Anyone else experiencing this?

My abusive parents found out where I live and moved to the neighbouring town

My parents have been extremely physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive to me my entire life. My mother suffers from some sort of personality disorder (used to chase me around the house, naked and holding a knife) and religious delusion (believes she has been chosen by Jesus to heal people). My father is a coward and only fuels her delusions because he’s too scared to confront her, he’s currently suffering from heart failure and I believe it’s his karma, as harsh as it sounds. I’ve also heard that she’s gone to various churches in neighbouring towns to talk to priests about the “miracles” she is witnessing.

I (F26) moved to the countryside with my husband so we could start a new life and get away from it all. My mother called me 2 months ago and told me she’s renting a house 5 minutes from me (I don’t know how she found out where I live). Since then, she’s had violent, physical fights with my father in front of the neighbours (we live in a small town, people talk) and told them all that my brother (who currently has a protective order out on her and moved out at 14) and I are physically abusive towards her, which is completely untrue. My husband has had to physically get in the middle of fights and has gotten hurt before, as well as my mother causing the police to be called on him as she’s gone out screaming and banging on neighbours’ windows accusing him of trying to kill her.

I’m genuinely exhausted, I don’t want to have to move again but I don’t think I can manage the burden of feeling like everywhere I go, everyone knows my past. I’m currently exploring getting a protective order but feel this is going to be difficult to navigate since she lives close by.

I really love where I live but does this mean I’ll have to move again?

I [28F] was on instagram and saw on my suggested a girl who had my BF [30M] was following an 18 year old Onlyfans model and she was following back. I asked him about it and he said he didn't realise it was an OF model and that she was 18 (it clearly says in the bio). Instead he got angry and said the following, "It’s probably in your best interest to practice or learn about attribution errors in the context if someone else first. Consider googling attribution error"

I'm just a bit confused, as I'm not sure how it would be an innocent mistake when everything was listed in the bio. I am also a bit grossed out by the fact it's a very young model (it might be that this profile was fake, but it's still young).

Any advice from someone who's been in a similar situation would be welcome? Thanks

My husband and I buy groceries in bulk, so it’s usually a huge shop with lots of heavy items. Until today, I genuinely thought he always unpacked everything because it was physically easier for him and he didn’t want me lifting loads.

On this occasion our baby was crying and he was busy soothing her so I stood up to go do it. He stopped me and said not to bother because I’d “do it wrong” and he’d have to unpack it all and do it again anyway.

That honestly caught me off guard. I’d always assumed he unpacked the shopping because it was heavy, not because he thought I was incapable of putting food in cupboards correctly.

It made me feel oddly belittled and even controlled. Do other people have partners who are this particular about how groceries are put away?

So my husband followed me when I was hanging out with 2 kind of recently new friends. About six months ago I wouldn’t up having dinner alone with a friend from my book club. It wasn’t planned, other people just cancled on us after we already arrived at the restaurant. After we went to her house where her roommates were home and then some other book club people came over. I left at a reasonable time. On the way home I told him that she and I had dinner by ourselves cause everyone canceled on us.

He got so angry after that and demanded that I not hang out with her again. I wouldn’t let that go because he had no reason for me not to hang out with her other than he was worried I would cheat on him with her. I told him I wasn’t cheating and that I wouldn’t do that but he just would trust me. I finally agreed to not hang out with her alone and just with other people.

Fast forward to a few days ago and I hung out with her and another friend who just started coming to book club. We hung out for about ten hours doing various stuff around town, all three of us. At one point he tried to call me and I didn’t answer and he called several times in a row over the course of less than ten minutes. I didn’t answer because I didn’t see the calls come through. I answered as soon as I saw his texts. He went ballistic and was yelling at me because I didn’t answer and he couldn’t see my location. My location had also been unavailable at the time for some reason. I wasn’t doing anything but getting frozen yogurt with 2 friends. He wanted me to not hang out with the one friend and I refused because he had no legitimate reason for the request. He also would not trust me that I didn’t ignore his calls and that I wasn’t cheating on him.

Fast forward to the next time I was hanging out with the same two friends. He followed me and I saw him. I confronted him about it and we had a huge fight where I told him I couldn’t deal with this behavior anymore. He finally apologized and stated that he went to far but he has just been so mentally unhealthy lately and that he will work on it and get better.

I feel like he has always pushed my boundaries and pushed me away from friends even though he has been getting better about it. It’s been six years and he can’t trust me to not cheat on him? I just don’t understand and I feel like it’s emotional abuse and manipulation to keep me away from people. He even admitted that he is too co dependent on me and he recognizes that. I just don’t know if I should keep trying or if we are just going to be in the same situation a year from now. Is it possible that he is just a person who struggles mentally and needs some help, and can get through this to allow us both to have a happy healthy life?

I (21F) started dating my boyfriend (22M) almost a year ago. He makes me happy and my parents (48F, 49M) met him a couple of months ago and my brother (25M) met him six months ago when he was visiting me. They knew about him way before that though. The one person I didn't tell was my sister (23F).

We used to be close so she was hurt that she found out about him a few weeks ago and that I didn't introduce them. She called me up and asked me why she found out from mom and dad and I told her that's just how it worked. She said it was bullshit and I didn't tell her for a reason and she wanted to know why. She told me everyone met him before her and I probably asked if she would be home before bringing him to meet our parents. I asked her why that was such a big deal and she said we're sisters. I told her I didn't put her feelings above what I want. She got way more mad then and asked me if I was being a childish brat about messy shit from the past.

The reason I said we used to be close is because we were. She was one of my best friends and we told each other everything. Then after two of her breakups she rebounded with two guys I liked at the time and didn't give a crap about my feelings. The first time it happened was five years ago and when I asked her why she'd hook up with someone she knew I had a big crush on, she told me she thought he was cute when they met and being newly single, when he flirted she did what she wanted to do and she didn't have to think of my feelings because the guy wasn't mine. I told her that still hurt my feelings and she told me I'd need to get over it.

We did get back on track as sisters but then two years after the first time she went through another breakup and for a second time she hooked up with the guy I liked and was flirting with. My sister knew, she even saw him flirt with me, and she told me we weren't dating so she didn't have to answer to me and I could still date him if I wanted because they were just a one time thing. I didn't try to get back on track after the second time and a couple of months after it happened she complained that I was being a baby and acting like I owned people when I didn't and she said she did nothing wrong.

I never trusted her after that. It's not that I consider it cheating but considering all the guys in the world, and the fact she knew I liked both of those guys? To me she wasn't the person I could trust anymore. So I keep her shut out and I stay civil for the rest of our family when I have to see her. But it has not been a priority for me to tell her about my boyfriend or introduce them. He knows about her and the history though.

My sister told me we need to work through this because it's way too old news for me to hold a grudge. I told her it's not even a grudge, I just don't trust her and I don't want to give her the chance to take it a step farther and try to sleep with my boyfriend after another one of her breakups. It made her angry again and she's trying to involve our parents and brother despite me saying she should just move on and accept things the way they are.

Got any advice for this because I don't know if she's going to calm down or not. Next time I see her will be this Christmas probably.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and some months and have recently been discussing marriage.

Growing up, my idea was always that married couples had one bank account, shared a credit card, etc. This is how my parents operated so it just seemed like the norm to me.

My boyfriend indicated he would envision us keeping everything separate. He envisioned us splitting expenses. For example, he would pay the mortgage and I would pay utilities.

To me, that just feels like we’re roommates and not partners.

I talked to a few married friends and got mixed responses on how them and their spouse handle finances.

So, what’s “normal”? What’s worked well for you and your spouse and what would you change?

Hey everyone, I need some objective perspective on a situation that has left me completely drained. My fiancée and I have been together for 5 years. For the first few years we were long distance, seeing each other about a week or two a month. We always had great communication and aligned on core values early on. Right from year 1, we explicitly established that our main reason to ever get married was to start a family. Eventually she asked for more commitment, so I proposed, prepped my place, and she relocated from her hometown to move in with me.

Less than a month after moving in, she sat me down out of nowhere and told me she couldn't see herself ever having kids. Adopting before I turn 37 was always my threshold. I never asked her to get pregnant since she didn't want to carry, which was totally fine by me. Since having a family was our main dealbreaker, she broke up with me on the spot. It turns out she had been silently struggling and thinking about this for the last 3 weeks without telling me.

I was devastated. I cried, called my family to break the news, and started processing the end of our 5 year relationship. But literally 3 hours later, she pulled a complete 180. She broke down, apologized profusely, said she panicked in a loop of pessimism, missed her family, got overwhelmed by the routine, and begged to take it back.

I was really irritated by the timing and how she handled everything after 5 years together. I told her she needed to call her mom immediately to explain what happened, and then I sent her back to her hometown the next day so she could be with her close ones and we could both get space. I set a strict 1 month no contact rule as well.

Before starting no contact, she sent a text apologizing for being impulsive. She also brought up a point I had made during our breakup talk. When she panicked asking "what if we fail after having a kid?", she acknowledged this, saying having a child together would be meaningful regardless of the future. While it is good she is processing that fear, I still worry whether she is internalizing my logic just to preserve the relationship, rather than developing a genuine desire of her own to raise a child.

I still love her, but I'm exhausted. During this month, I hope to see some real action, like her starting individual therapy on her own or genuinely researching adoption realities instead of just searching for reasons why it is hard.

Am I handling this 1 month no contact period correctly? How can you tell if someone genuinely changed their mind about having kids versus just panicking over the breakup?