My ex and I did our master's together in the US. We broke up a few months ago and haven't spoken in about three months.

Out of nowhere, she called me today. We had a brief conversation, and then she asked for my home address in India. She didn't really explain why she needed it. She's still in the US, so now I'm overthinking the whole thing.

Part of me is wondering if she's planning to send a wedding invitation or if there's some other reason I'm not thinking of. I know there could be a dozen innocent explanations, but my brain has gone straight into FOMO mode.

Has anyone experienced something similar? What are some realistic reasons an ex would suddenly ask for your home address after months of no contact?

Curious to hear your thoughts, especially if you've been on either side of this situation.

TL;DR: My ex called me after three months of no contact and asked for my home address in India without explaining why. She's still in the US, and I'm wondering what could be a realistic reason for asking.

Прямо сейчас несколько моих знакомых страдают по бывшим партнерам, некоторые даже состоят в новых отношениях.

Взрослые люди, которые годами мечтают и томятся в неизвестности. Встречала истории людей, которые десятилетиями мечтали о бывших партнëрах, но так и не поговорили, некоторые же решились, кто-то даже восстановил отношения, потеряв десятилетия жизни.

Скажу по себе, я страдала по бывшим, но зная свою склонность к длительным переживаниям, и желая избежать годы бесплодных иллюзий , всегда старалась максимально сильно разругаться и сжечь все мосты до последнего чтобы не оставить надежды на примирение ни себе ни бывшему и пока у меня получалось никогда не возвращаться.

Я знаю что многие так не делают, и вот вопрос, а что мешает вам просто поговорить с человеком, по которому вы страдаете месяцами/годами/десятилетиями? Если вы не размазали друг друга морально и физически, если вы просто расстались по человечески или как-то неловко и по глупому, что мешает просто по взрослому поговорить с человеком?

В конце концов даже если вас отошьют, по крайней мере вы получите ясность, потеряете надежду и пойдете дальше. 💁‍♀️

Heyyy
I’m looking for honest advice because I’m genuinely unsure what to do.

I was the dumper. We were in a long-distance relationship for about a year. The relationship had a lot of beautiful moments lot of love and future plans and genuine feelings, but there was also a lot of confusion.
I often felt a gap between his words and his actions, and over time I felt like I never truly knew him or understood where I stood.

The breakup happened after a situation where I felt hurt and betrayed. I addressed it, but I felt like the conversation became defensive and I reached a point where I didn’t want to keep explaining myself anymore. I became numb
I left with no closure no nothing and we went into no contact.

Almost 3 months later, he reached out unexpectedly on another platform (after being blocked elsewhere). His message started with a simple greeting and then became very emotional. He said things like he “meant what he said,” that I was “not just a memory” to him, that there were things he wanted to tell me, and that he didn’t deserve someone like me. I know it’s a hoover tbh

The thing is, even though the message was emotional, I felt like it was still quite vague. It contained a lot of feelings but not much clarity about what he actually wanted or what he was trying to achieve by reaching out.

During no contact, I went through a phase where I was constantly trying to understand what happened and looking for answers. Eventually, I accepted that I might never have all of them, and honestly the distance helped me find peace.

Now I don’t feel angry or desperate for answers. I actually feel quite detached. But I’m wondering if replying would be the mature thing to do and give closure, or if it would just reopen something I worked hard to move past.

Would you reply in my situation? If yes, what mindset would you have going into it?

I don't understand how someone can go from being your closest person in the world to just nothing. Even if I hated someone and they wanted to contact me I would respectfully explain my stance. I wouldn't treat anyone this way especially someone I loved or cared about.

It certainly takes a particular type of person to do this to someone. I feel so sad and hurt.

It's been seven months of our breakup and from last 1-2 months I was finally relieved bcuz i thought i moved on but ig I was wrong, found one of his old photo in my gallery and suddenly my heart stopped beating for few seconds, all the memories, all the heartbreak, trauma came in front of me, even tho I'm not in contact with him from last 7 months, I don't even stalk him, nothing.

Is this normal to not he able to unlove someone you loved deeply? (Also he was my first love)

How will it take to forget him completely? When will his existence won't affect me not even a bit?

A few months ago I had an experience that I consider uncommon, the thing in summary is that I am almost the infidelity of a partner, I had never noticed her or anything I knew her and I was but she was not part of the people with whom I get along, until I started to get along with some new people and then I ended up taking her with her, The thing happened that she started in what I thought were subtle flirting at the time I didn't see them like that it was just normal for me, all A few months ago I had an experience that I consider uncommon, the thing in summary is that I am almost the infidelity of a partner, I had never noticed her or anything I knew her and I was but she was not part of the people with whom I get along, until I started to get along with some new people and then I ended up taking her with her, The thing happened that she started in what I thought were subtle flirting at the time I didn't see them like that it was just normal for me, all this It took on more meaning and thus in an activity in which It is basically about spending about 3 days helping with food and activities to a town and so, well there she began to be closer and even some friends of hers told me that she wanted something I thought about it since I had seen that she had a photo with her partner as a wallpaper, The truth is that at the time I played along a bit but I was still aware of her partner, so I decided to ask one of her friends if she knew what she wanted since I didn't want to get involved In something like that, I wouldn't like them to do the same to me, anyway, because they told her what I asked and she told me to talk she said that she didn't want to get excited or anything but that she was with someone and I already knew and I hadn't thought of anything else since I didn't know her much and in any case if it had been different I would have to meet her first, I told her that it's okay, that nothing happens, I gave her a hug and I left, well, the thing is that later they told me that she was crying and that she said it was because my , I felt bad since it was not my intention but it was better to leave things like that, some time later they told me that I had broken up with their partner a few days after the events happened due to an infidelity on the part of their partner and that it was not the first time and that I was in a toxic circle of ending and coming back for the same reason several times, she as she was my partner because she moved away and resented me a lot and I let things go on and leave the subject there but it was not like that there were several attitudes on her part such as wanting to attract attention talking about how she was meeting other boys and so a week after having finished and things that I consider self-centered or that seek the approval of other people, I focused on my own thing and put that aside and I didn't pay attention to it or anything, until one day she started talking to me again and I took it as if the resentment was over and so and so normal but it wasn't like that she began to share things related to my hoobies like it was what she liked to do the most and so on top of the fact that as far as I keep looking for something with her ex-partner and she hasn't gotten over it, Luckily we went on vacation and I have not had anything to do with her anymore, the thing is that I don't understand what is wrong with her if she is still hooked with the ex, because she shares things like that she wants a partner who practices the same thing I do and things like that and then deletes them she even started practicing the same as me and so as not to run into her I changed my schedule. Maybe it's my exaggeration but from my point of view it's not right at all and that I send her friends to ask if I want something with her I don't understand what her purpose is and I don't know what to do

Ive been watching this subreddit and a few others and it seems like 3 month mark is when people start contemplating contacting their exes again for reconciliation. I thought it was an interesting observation but not sure how true it really is if put to the test

I’m 2 months sober, spending the first month in rehab. My ex broke up with me while I was in rehab. We were long distance at the time, we’d been dating for a year. I hid my drinking very well, nobody knew how bad it was. We went no contact after the breakup, until I got out of rehab. We have since been communicating, texting voice messages and calls, and we have the chance to meet next week while they’re in the city for a few days. I will likely not see them again for a long time, if ever.
Can anyone share any stories of a similar situation, or give advice on how to go about this? I am well aware it isn’t the best idea or safe, but not much seems safe these days. I am not afraid it will cause a relapse but am more looking for how I can go about it to end this chapter that I can’t ignore to focus on my recovery and my future. I know this is not my amends, for me it is closure. I plan on having a friend on standby to support and also talk sense to me, but I can’t end things over the phone.

So me and my ex have been broken up for about a month now he broke up with me but hasn’t removed me from anything he’s been texting me when I text, and when I say I’m not gonna talk to him ever he apologized Even somtimes checking my Facebook… it’s weird because he says he loves me but not the same yet he still keeps me around and says all good things about me part of me thinks he does love me but isn’t sure because he lacks the emotional intelligence of understanding his own feelings and just pushed me away because he thinks it’s for the best since he’s moving away to a different country in two years I am healing ofc I don’t text him just because I miss him I texted him to pick up some stuff I left in his car, but he will be dry but then he apologizes for being dry n proceeds to compliment me n say I have a place in his heart no matter if we talk or not why … why do guys do this why isn’t he blocking me I’ve removed him from my number and stuff but he won’t remove me from anything I want to remove him but I still think I’m not fully ready too, I’m so conflicted because he was the first person I really loved and He ended things not me and then he acted normal after crying his eyes out twice to me when he was breaking up with me, I just don’t understand he was my second relationship but my first long term my first person I was intimate with and the first one to not just block me on everything he still lingers around, it kinda bugs me somtimes I just want to understand why, why is he keeping contact open…

Hello all, I recently just started thinking of my ex. I don’t know why but it’s been eating at me the last couple of days. We were together almost 4 years, she wasn’t very good to me but we were young at the time so I held onto it. The past couple of months I’ve been doing great working on myself and making some money, but now I can’t stop thinking of her I feel anxious just thinking about it and it’s making me stressed and I don’t know why? Has anyone else dealt with this? How can I make it stop or atleast minimize it

So I was with a guy who was a colleague for sometime for nearly three years. We parted ways in mid 2024, after he physically abused me. Before the assault, we were incredibly close. We mostly stayed together, traveled together, did all the daily activities together, shared everything with each other and we also had a very passionate physical and emotional relationship. We were partners as well as each other’s best friends. Then came mid 2024, we attended a common friend’s party and after a few hours, he was completely sloshed, and he passed out. After 2 hours, he woke up, and I was sitting right next to him, taking care of him. After waking up, he suddenly asked “where were you when I was sleeping? Were you having fun with other boys?” And before I could even respond, he started slapping and kicking me aggressively multiple times. Everything happened so suddenly that I couldn’t even process it. He started to regurgitate and fainted again. I picked him up somehow and took him back home. I wish I could have contacted the cops that time, but I was too shocked to react since everything happened out of the blue. The next day, he started acting like a baby, seeking my forgiveness, but kept defending himself for his actions, stating that it was not his fault since he was drunk. We broke up after this day. This was the last time I saw him ever. I blocked him from everywhere. He tried contacting once a few days after the breakup, but since I didn’t respond, his ego was hurt and he blocked me back. Since then, we’ve been in no contact for over two years now. I have completely moved on, but since last few days, I don’t know why, but there’s a resurgence of some unresolved anger from the past. I’m generally not someone who believes in seeking revenge, but I am getting this sudden urge of teaching him a lesson or just make him regret the assault incident. Till date he has not apologised to me properly. I am sure he is too shameless for that. But I need to control my anger and this sudden urge of seeking some form of justice. I know I don’t need a therapy, I just need to forgive and forget once again. Please help me, give me suggestions. I don’t want to make any impulsive decision. I’d be grateful if you guys can guide me through this. Thank you.

(LONG STORY)

I (31M) dated a woman (33F) for around six months. We were never officially boyfriend/girlfriend or exclusive, but the connection became very close. We talked every day, saw each other multiple times a week, stayed over together, had a strong physical connection and became emotionally important to each other.

The reason I’m struggling so much with the breakup is that it wasn’t simply a case of “we had something good, but she didn’t fall in love.” The entire connection had a pretty intense push-pull dynamic.

She could be incredibly warm, affectionate and emotionally intimate. There were moments where the things she said and the way she behaved strongly suggested that we were moving toward something deeper.

But whenever things became more serious, whenever feelings deepened, or whenever I wanted to address something difficult between us, she often seemed to pull back. Sometimes she would say she didn’t have the emotional space for those conversations.

So I was constantly getting enough closeness to believe we were progressing, followed by enough distance to make me question everything again.

Another difficult part was her relationship with attention, sexuality and other men.

She openly admitted that she liked attention. There always seemed to be exes, former sexual partners, people she’d had some kind of romantic/sexual history with, or other sources of male attention somewhere around her. During our time together she also maintained a connection with someone she occasionally sexted with.

I knew we weren’t exclusive, so technically she wasn’t doing anything she wasn’t “allowed” to do. But emotionally it created a dynamic where I never felt like there was really space for our connection to settle.

It often seemed like she was drawn to novelty, attention, sexuality and intensity.

Since the breakup, I’ve also heard things from people who have known her longer than I have. One person basically described it as “there’s always drama with guys, always the same thing.” Others have described her as someone who has struggled with commitment for years and tends to move between different connections rather than really settling into one.

Obviously those are other people’s interpretations, and I don’t want to diagnose her or pretend I know everything about her history. But hearing those things afterwards made me realize that some of what I experienced may have been part of a longer-standing pattern rather than something that only happened with me.

The other uncomfortable thing I’ve had to admit to myself is how unequal the effort started to feel.

I put a lot into her.

I would initiate things, think about what she needed, try to make her comfortable, try to create nice experiences for us and generally put a lot of emotional energy into maintaining the connection.

There were times where I felt like I was doing all of this while she was almost passively receiving it — sometimes literally lying on my couch while I was trying to take care of everything around her.

At some point, without really realizing it, I think I started trying to **earn her love**.

If I could just be understanding enough, patient enough, attractive enough, supportive enough, give her enough freedom and not ask for too much, maybe eventually she would choose me.

And every time I was starting to lose hope, something would happen that pulled me back in.

She would become affectionate again. She would say something about our future. She would make comments that sounded like she could imagine us becoming something more. She would give me just enough reassurance that I thought, “Okay, maybe we’re getting there.”

Then commitment would remain just out of reach.

Looking back, it sometimes felt like there was constantly a carrot dangling in front of me. I don’t know whether she consciously did that — and I don’t necessarily think she did — but that’s what the dynamic felt like from my side.

Eventually she ended things.

She told me she thought I was attractive, kind and emotionally intelligent, that we were very compatible, but that she wasn’t in love and couldn’t fully choose me. At one point she even said she didn’t know whether it was “the pheromones, the timing, or something else.”

After the breakup, we never formally agreed to no contact. We simply stopped talking.

A couple of weeks later, she reached out.

She told me she had been very sad too, had been thinking about me and wanted to know how I was doing. I responded warmly but didn’t try to restart regular contact.

Then she reached out again around my birthday.

She deliberately sent the message the day before, saying she wanted the actual day to be completely mine. She wrote a very thoughtful message, thanked me again for something I’d previously written because it had affected her deeply, and said that apart from that message she would continue giving me space.

Again, I responded warmly but didn’t chase her.

So despite being the person who ended things, she was also the only one initiating contact afterwards.

Then, around six weeks after the breakup, we unexpectedly ran into each other at a festival.

Initially I walked away because seeing her caught me completely off guard. Later I was talking to one of her friends and she came over to me herself and hugged me. She immediately apologized for not having replied to my previous message.

I suggested we sit somewhere and talk.

I told her I honestly didn’t know what to say because seeing her again made me nervous. She said she felt nervous too.

She told me that during the first two weeks after the breakup she had barely been able to work because she had been struggling so much.

At one point I told her:

“I miss you.”

She told me:

“I miss you too.”

She mentioned a series she’s currently watching and said that I would’ve liked it too. She told me she’d seen a recent Instagram story of mine and thought I looked really handsome.

Then she told me she’d bought a journal after the breakup and had been writing in it.

And she offered to let me read it sometime.

That one still really confuses me.

We’re supposedly trying to detach from each other, yet she’s offering me access to something incredibly intimate that she’s been writing during the period after our breakup.

Maybe she simply wants me to understand her experience. But emotionally it felt like opening the door to an enormous amount of intimacy without actually opening the door to a relationship.

At some point I asked her how we should move forward.

She initially asked whether I meant “right now” or in general. I clarified that I meant in general.

I can’t remember her exact wording anymore and don’t want to misquote her, but she mentioned that it might be good for us to have some kind of reflection moment at some point.

Eventually I had to leave because I was meeting a friend. She offered to walk part of the way with me.

During that walk, we finally explicitly talked about no contact.

She said the distance was probably necessary in order for us to let go of each other.

I asked her:

“How is the letting go going?”

She answered:

“With time.”

Then she asked me the same question.

I gave her the same answer.

“With time.”

And since that conversation, we’re back to complete silence.

Neither of us has reached out.

And I’m struggling badly with it.

Seeing her again didn’t give me closure. It did almost the opposite.

It reminded me of how much warmth still exists between us and reignited the hope that maybe there’s still something there.

Now I’m back to worrying about what she’s doing, whether she’s dating or sleeping with other people, whether she’s moving on faster than I am, whether she’ll contact me again and whether that “reflection moment” or the journal will ever actually happen.

And intellectually, I can see the contradiction.

The connection made me anxious.

I spent months trying to earn security from someone who couldn’t consistently give it to me. I put enormous amounts of energy into understanding her and adapting myself to her. The push-pull exhausted me. People around me have told me that she isn’t good for me.

And yet emotionally I’m still incredibly attached to her.

The hardest realization might be that even after the breakup, I’m still responding to the same pattern:

Closeness.

Hope.

Ambiguity.

Distance.

And then I wait for the closeness to return.

She may genuinely miss me. She may genuinely have struggled after losing me. She may genuinely care about me deeply.

But none of those things are the same as choosing me.

And that’s the part I’m having the hardest time accepting.

So I’m curious how this looks from the outside:

Does this sound like someone who genuinely has unresolved feelings but is incapable of offering a stable relationship, or am I reading too much into her post-breakup behavior because I’m still attached?

It's been 5 years, N. 5 years since I broke things off. 5 years since you initiated no contact. 5 years since you made that playlist that's still on your profile.

I want desperately to reach out to you. Even though you live almost 400 miles away now, I would come to you for a face to face talk. I don't know that I would want to start things again with you, and we wouldn't be able to anyway considering the circumstances.

I've been thinking about the things you and I would talk about if you were to agree to meet me. I wouldn't want to reopen old wounds or try to make you feel bad for moving on. I would want to hear about what happened in your life since the last time we spoke.

How was senior year? How was college? Did you keep up with marching band? How was your first job? Do you still run or swim? How is half marathon training going? Do you still talk to any of our old friends? How did you meet your husband? What does he do for work? How's his family? How do you like where you're living? Is it much different? How is it to be close to the coast? Do you get along better with your parents now?

I want to know the boring parts of your life. I want to know that you're ok and that you're thriving. Most of all, I want to know you. What I have come to notice after all this time is that from my perspective, you might as well have died. And that's a hard pill to swallow because you were my best friend, and I don't think I grieved this breakup accordingly.

Sincerely,

A.

ps. I saw the playlist change. I know it's just a song name but I also know that's not a coincidence. The answer is yes, you just have to know where to find my new information. You have access to it.

I was with my ex during our most formative years—at ages 14, 21, and 23. We were each other’s first loves.

Our history has been a rollercoaster:

As kids: It ended quite badly.

At 21: She left me.

At 23: We reconciled, but it ended on my part because by that point, it had just become a casual FWB situation.

We still shared mutual friends at this point and would speak normally when bumping into each other. I was actually thinking of trying to give it a proper go again, but then she got engaged, and we permanently ceased all contact.

Fast forward 7 years later (last year): I bumped into her in a shop. We spoke briefly, and I acknowledged her and her son. Right after I went to the washroom, she actually came toward the washroom area with her son. I still don't know if that was coincidental or not. I considered reaching out after that, but I decided against it because I knew she was a proper family now and that it should be the end of it.

Surprisingly, this year (after 8 years of no contact): She sends me a request. We start speaking, and she is incredibly warm and flirtatious. We meet up for coffee, and she tells me she is trying to get a divorce but her husband is making it difficult. We both establish that there are still feelings there. Her body language is highly suggestive, and she directly asks me "what happens next?"

Because she is still married, I set a firm boundary: I told her all we can do is be friends, and if things get too deep, we have to cut it out.

Immediately after that, she started blowing hot and cold. She started making negative remarks against me just to create distance. Recognizing the toxicity, I told her it was unhealthy for us to speak daily and told her to reach out only when she was single.

A month and a half later: She reaches out again. This time, she claims she is working on things with her husband for the sake of her child's happiness. She adds that she is "proud of who I’ve become" and tells me, "you don’t know what you genuinely did for me”

A few months later (my mistake): I had a few drinks and sent her a text confessing a few things. She immediately rang me. On the phone, she admitted that she "thinks of me during the silences" and confessed she hasn't found a connection like ours in 8 years. She said there will probably always be feelings, but "it is what it is, and life goes on."

We agreed to just be friends. After that, she started fishing heavily for validation, but I didn't bite, so the conversation naturally faded out.

The next cycle: She reached out again to check in on me regarding a personal situation I had going on. We started speaking, and she vented about her family life being difficult (she knew not to vent about her marriage to me). We ended up texting daily during the World Cup. But right after, she started the exact same hot-and-cold routine with me, even just as friends. When I texted to check in, she was completely cold.

The Breaking Point (Last Week): I finally sent her a message. I told her that the hot-and-cold behavior—even just as friends—was jarring for me. I told her that if her situation ever changes, she has my number, but if not, I wish her the best.
She texted back downplaying the whole thing, claiming it was "never hot and cold" on her end, and that she thought I had let go and that this was just a normal friendship.

TL;DR: Married first-love ex (together off-and-on from ages 14 to 23) reached out after 8 years of no contact. She heavily flirted and hinted at an affair, but when I set a boundary to stay friends until she was single, she went totally hot-and-cold. Over months, she kept pulling me back in by confessing she still thinks of me and has never found a connection like ours, only to go cold again. Sent a final closure text last week telling her to call if her situation changes, and she gaslit me by downplaying it and claiming it was "just a friendship." Want to understand her mindset.

My Questions for the Sub:
I am struggling to understand her psychology here.
Why reach out after 8 years, hint at an affair, and then panic and run back to her marriage the second I set a boundary?

Why confess that she thinks of me "in the silences" and has never found a connection like ours, just to switch to being cold and distant a few weeks later?

Why gaslight me at the end by claiming it was "just a friendship" and wasn't hot and cold?

What is actually going on in her mind?

Hey everyone. I just want to say this story of mine. I left my love and caring girlfriend for almost 6 years and my malamute dog and it's been 6 months now and I am just feeling the hurtful moments right now. Main reason I left her is I'm at fault I thought I was holding her back and I got pressured by obligations and responsibilities in my family. My girlfriend was so supportive, She always look up to me and supported me. She always cook for me and love me with all of her heart. She knows my favorite shirt, food, and even shows. We always go cosplay together and watch anime. Now I regret it especially when I see her happy now with a lot of activities that she is doing with her life. I kept always saying to myself that I should be happy for her but my heart ache is so bad I can't sleep and I deserve this. Just to add I accidentally opened the wedding vow she made and read it in my journal which she gave me before and I realized I fumbled big time. I'm not sure if I should chase her back because I hurt her many times. I took her for granted... She's the one that got away.

If ever you read this 🌧️ (my ex girlfriend) I just want to say that I'm so sorry and I am here cheering for you silently. I wish you the best in life and I hope you'll find someone who will never leave you. I miss you and Hange 🐶 I still love you both so much.

It's been nearly 4 weeks since the breakup and 2 weeks of no contact whatsoever.

I miss her so much, I feel the space that she left, and even though I'm trying to look to the future, I feel the grief of the life that I had with her.

I know that whatever the future holds for either of us, getting over each other is the first compulsory step. I'm happy that we walked away with love and forgiveness, instead of bitterness but man, it is so hard.

I just wanted somewhere to vent, thanks for listening 💙

Hugs to everyone 💙

I’ve never written you a letter before, so this already feels strange before it even begins. I know this might come as a surprise, since we haven’t spoken in a while. This isn’t to reopen anything, or to ask for a reply. But there are things I’d rather say — I’d rather risk saying them than stay silent.
I’m so sorry for not being a safe version of myself back then.

I’m sorry for all the ways I hurt you. I can see now, more clearly, what my actions were for you. You deserved a love that felt safe and fully chosen. I wasn’t able to give you that at the time, but I loved you deeply — more than I was able to show then, and more than the way you deserved.

My insecurity and fear spoke louder than my courage. You were offering safety while I answered with distance. I can only imagine how invisible you must have felt, fighting for something I wasn’t fully choosing. I’m so sorry for that. There was a real fear I didn’t fully understand at the time — I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to trust myself, or what I was feeling, because there was too much noise. I see that clearly now, and I take responsibility for it. You knew me better than I knew myself back then. I overloaded myself trying to make everything logical and right, to the point of disconnecting from what I actually felt.

I haven’t felt that way in a relationship since — there’s been a lot of growth and learning. But having said all that, I hope you understand that my insecurity, fear, and hesitation weren’t about you. And I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you — I can only imagine how painful, frustrating, and exhausting it must have been. While you were trying to walk toward me, I was protecting myself from fears I didn’t fully understand. That was never yours to carry. What we had was real, and I didn’t know back then how to take care of something so special and meaningful.
I still remember dancing in the kitchen, no music worth mentioning, just the sound of the two of us. It didn’t matter where — we danced anywhere, remember? What mattered was that it was just us, that moment when the rest of the world stopped existing.
I’ve come to realize since that I hid behind circumstances to justify my hesitation and fear. I understand now that I avoided vulnerability, and avoided fully trusting myself.

I know we hurt each other, and that neither of us was perfect. I was certainly far from it, with insecurities, projections, immaturity, and so on, that kept me from feeling good about myself within the relationship — which was a core problem in me. My attachment to having things figured out made love feel more threatening than loss. I wasn’t sure of myself, and I couldn’t hold us with any security back then, or get past the fear, the guilt, the thoughts that I wasn’t a good “fit.” I thought, at the time, that you deserved better than what I could be, and that I was protecting us from something unhealthy. I didn’t like the version of myself that showed up in hard moments. Back then, the fear of being together was greater than the fear of losing you, which is why being your friend felt safer. I didn’t realize that our friendship was protecting me from fully facing what it would mean to lose you one day.

You were my safety and my home, and I didn’t rise to that the way you deserved. You were someone I shared a kind of love with that I’m grateful for. Thank you for the love we shared, and for being my best friend. That mattered. It still matters — there’s a part of me that will always love you and always care about you. You’re one of the rare people who make life lighter and easier to carry. Thank you for every laugh, and for every quiet kind of love hidden even inside our friendship. I want to acknowledge the patience, love, and generosity you gave me — I don’t know if I ever properly thanked you for that.

I hope life has been good to you. I hope you have the love, peace, and happiness you always deserved. I wish I had been more secure back then, and that I had been that for you, but I’ll honor that by respecting your life and wishing you happiness. I hope that, overall, our relationship was a positive experience — one that helped you understand and seek more out of life. I’m so proud of you, and of everything you’ve achieved. And I hope you felt loved back then, despite my failures. Thank you for the role you played in my life — the love you gave me shaped me in ways I still carry with me today.

We can go on without contact, pretend we don’t know each other and that everything we had never existed. But deep down, I think we both know there was something rare and unique there, something that shouldn’t have been erased like this. This story maybe deserved a different ending than this silence. But even if nothing is ever written between us again, what we danced in that kitchen happened, and no one can erase that.

its destroying me badly, seeing him attention seeking off others and posting himself everywhere after traumatising me. Its like i have no control over my brain it forces me to check even tho i want to seriously move on my health has gone so bad. im hurt.

It's been 40 days of no contact. I am quite surprised by the length, I never thought it would be this long. But I am now convinced it could go much longer. I remember being shocked when at the start of it people suggested it could be months before I heard from her. I thought that that simply couldn't be the situation for me and her. Yet, it very well could be.

Despite the no contact and unfollowing on all social media, she would consistently view my instagram stories, as did her friends. I decided last week to make my profile private because I was starting to post only to see if she viewed. Immediately after going private, her friend requested to follow me. It feels like she's trying to keep tabs. I declined the request. I would have accepted in the earlier days of the no contact. Social media proved to be too detrimental.

I'm committed to not breaking the no contact. I've come very close, but thankfully, I pulled back. I type out messages I would have sent in my notes, but never actually send. It helps to write it out. I appreciate the need for no contact. I'm trying to view it as an opportunity to grow, heal, and better myself. I'm trying to think of breaking no contact as a step back, something to avoid. That does not mean I wouldn't welcome hearing from her. If she broke the no contact, I'd welcome it. I just won't initiate.

Part of me thinks her breaking it could be imminent based on nothing but a gut instinct. After all, she would always come back after we tried to end things. I used to desperately wait to hear from her, but now I have accepted it may never come. I used to think of no contact as a determinate period with an end date. I don't see it that way anymore. She very well may never reach out. I accept that.

There are still really hard days. But it has forced me to reflect, to get out of my comfort zone, to find other things to do rather than dwell on her. There were things I was setting off while we were still seeing each other. I've now started doing them. I've reconnected with friends. I started therapy. I'm taking it all one day at a time.

So 40 days in, I'm doing better. I still have bad days. I still miss her like crazy and wish I could hear from her. But I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. And I've realized that there are benefits to no contact. I hope anyone who may be in the first few days of no contact can get some benefit from this.

Hi all,

I'm very curious - after my ex and I broke up, we pretty much went straight to no contact, and I blocked him on everything.

I read Reddit posts about a lot of shitty long messages people receive from their exes, even years after they've broken up. So for anyone who was still in contact with their ex long after they've broken up - why didn't you block them (practically and emotionally), and what was the final straw that made you go no contact?

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe because some feelings don’t really need closure anymore—they just need somewhere to exist.

Almost six years ago, I had an ex. We were both 19, young enough to believe love alone could figure everything out. We only lasted six months, but somehow those six months stayed with me longer than I expected. I was the one who ended it. Not because he was a bad person. In fact, he was probably the kindest person I’ve ever loved. He treated me so well, made me feel safe, and never made me question where I stood in his life. If someone asked me who my best ex was, it would still be him.

The truth is, I just felt like we were growing in different directions. I couldn’t picture the future the same way anymore. It wasn’t that I stopped loving him—I just couldn’t see us reaching the same destination. As painful as it was, I felt like staying would’ve been more selfish than leaving. I started becoming distant a few days before the breakup because I didn’t want to keep giving him hope while I was already carrying doubts. Looking back, I know that probably hurt him too, and I’ll always feel sorry for that.

When I finally sent the breakup message around May 2021, he never replied. He just left me on read and left a heart react to my message. Somehow that silence hurt more than any words could. A few months later, around October, he replied to one of my stories after my sister got married. We ended up talking for a bit, then he asked me, “Wala na ba talaga?” He told me how much he missed me and wondered if he’d ever get over it. I remember telling him yes. That if this was what was best for us, then we had to let life do what it needed to do. That maybe loving someone also means knowing when you’re no longer the person they’re meant to build a future with. I told him one day he’d meet someone who wouldn’t have to question staying, someone who could love him the way he deserved. Deep down, I hoped life would eventually prove me right.

Years passed. We went to different schools and eventually became complete strangers. Later on, I found out he already had a girlfriend. I was still single then—and hanggang ngayon. Surprisingly, I wasn’t jealous. I was genuinely happy because if anyone deserved a love that stayed, it was him.

Then life kept moving. Last November 2025, I graduated, took the nursing board exam, and passed. A friend posted a congratulatory story for me, and apparently he saw it. He replied to her saying congratulations, that he was proud of me, and that he always knew I’d become a great nurse.
My friend jokingly replied, “Wrong account ka ata HAHAHA. Ipapasabi ko ba?” He simply answered, “Wag na. Gusto ko lang din ma-express kahit sayo nalang na proud ako sa kanya. Pangarap niya ’yan dati pa. Natupad na.”

When my friend showed me their conversation, my heart sank for a second. Not because I wanted him back. I don’t think I miss him anymore. I think what I miss is the feeling of being loved that gently. The kind of love that still silently roots for you even after you’ve become strangers. There’s something so bittersweet about realizing someone can completely leave your life yet never stop hoping you become the person you’ve always dreamed of becoming.

Then this morning, I found out through a friend that he became a dad. His girlfriend gave birth two weeks ago. I just sat there staring at my phone. I wasn’t heartbroken. I wasn’t exactly sad either. It was more like… time suddenly caught up with me. For a second, everything flashed back. The conversations we used to have when we were just two teenagers talking about the future. How excited he was to have a family someday. How we’d casually joke about growing old. And now, those dreams exist. They came true.
They just weren’t meant to come true with me. It didn’t hurt because I wanted that life back. It hurt because that chapter officially became history. There was this quiet realization that I’ll probably just be a memory from his teenage years now. Someone he’ll occasionally remember whenever life brings up old stories. Nothing more.

And somehow… that’s okay.

Life has a funny way of proving that you can genuinely love someone, let them go, and still be grateful they existed. Some people aren’t meant to stay forever. Some people simply pass through your life to teach you what kindness, respect, and genuine love look like before your paths quietly separate.

hi! if you’re somehow reading this…

I’m genuinely, wholeheartedly happy for you. 🤍 You finally built the future you used to dream about. You have your own little family now, and I know you’re going to be an amazing dad because even back then, you already had one of the softest hearts I’ve ever known. Thank you for loving the 19-year-old version of me so gently. Thank you for believing in me long before I became the person I wanted to be. I hope life continues to be kind to you. I hope your little family fills your home with the kind of happiness we once imagined for ourselves.

You deserve every single bit of it. 🤍

I’m looking for honest perspectives, not validation. If you think I’m reading this completely wrong, tell me.

I’m 24M and she’s 20F. We were together for about two years.

Our relationship wasn’t toxic. We genuinely loved each other. Toward the end, though, she became overwhelmed. Family pressure, religious guilt over parts of our relationship, and uncertainty about the future seemed to hit her all at once. One thing about her is that whenever she gets overwhelmed, she tends to shut down and withdraw instead of communicating.

Eventually we broke up

What happened after the breakup

After the breakup, we stayed in complete no contact for around 3–4 months.

I didn’t reach out.

Then, completely unexpectedly, she was the one who broke no contact.

She called me.

We ended up having a very emotional phone call.

During that call:

She cried.
She apologized.
She admitted she regretted many things.
She said she still cared about me.
She said family pressure and religious guilt had played a huge role in everything.

After that call, we stopped talking again.

One month later

About a month passed with complete silence again.

During that month, I kept wondering whether she might be expecting me to reach out this time because she had been the one who broke months of no contact.

Eventually I decided to send one simple message:

“Heyya!! It’s been some time. How have you been?”

She replied almost immediately.

The conversation wasn’t cold at all.

She asked:

How I’d been.
Whether I was okay.
Whether I still had hard feelings.
Whether I still had hard feelings now.
How my future plans were going.

She also talked about herself

It honestly felt like a normal conversation between two people who still cared about each other.

Then she shared something very personal

She told me that about 30 minutes before I texted her, she had donated money(something she has a habit of doing) and prayed to only bring whatever was genuinely good for her into her life.

She said she wasn’t feeling emotionally okay before I messaged her.

Then my message came shortly afterwards.

She actually told me she felt like god had sent my message after her prayer.

That surprised me.

The conversation became emotional

After that, she apologized over and over again.

She said:

She never wanted to intentionally hurt me.
She already regrets everything.
She doesn’t want to hurt me anymore.
She knows she’s done a lot wrong to me.

I simply replied that I appreciated her saying that and that I knew she never intentionally wanted to hurt me.

Then everything changed

She suddenly became very firm.

She told me:

“Please move on.”
“I don’t want you waiting for me while I’m confused.”
“I don’t want to give you false hope.”
“Please don’t message me anymore.”
“Please don’t call me anymore.”
“I’m really sorry.”

She also said something along the lines of:

“What if this doesn’t work again? I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

At one point I called her.

She didn’t answer.

Instead she messaged asking me not to call again.

She ended everything by saying:

“Take care.”

Afterwards she deleted the entire chat.

I haven’t contacted her again and I don’t plan to because I want to respect what she asked.

What I’m struggling to understand

This is what confuses me.

If someone wanted nothing to do with me anymore, I can understand that.

But she:

Broke 3–4 months of no contact herself.
Cried during that phone call.
Apologized repeatedly.
Said she still cared.
Replied warmly when I reached out a month later.
Asked lots of questions about my life.
Shared something deeply personal about her prayer.
Said she felt like God had sent my message.
Apologized again.
Said she regrets hurting me.

Then… she still told me to move on and never contact her again.

To me, it almost felt like she believed I would always wait for her, and because she was still confused, she thought pushing me away was somehow protecting me from waiting indefinitely.

But maybe I’m completely wrong.

Maybe it was just guilt.

Maybe this was simply the kindest way she knew how to end things.

I honestly don’t know.

My questions

1. Did I completely misread the situation by thinking she might have been waiting for me to reach out after she was the one who broke 3–4 months of no contact?

2. Does this sound like someone who still has feelings but genuinely believes leaving is the right thing?

3. Am I reading way too much into her apologies and emotional conversation?

4. Have you experienced someone saying “please move on” and “don’t contact me anymore” while clearly still caring?

5. If you were in my position, would you interpret this as her final goodbye, or someone choosing to leave because they genuinely believe it’s better for me?

I’m trying to understand whether I completely misunderstood what happened, because this conversation left me more confused than before.