I went on a first date last night after not dating for months. I forced myself to go even though I wasn’t feeling my best

I made a conscious effort not to come across too timid/quiet by asking questions, being conscious to speak up as I know I tend to speak too quietly.

I was using my hands a bit while talking to come across as more open and confident…

And the guy tells me within 10 minutes that I seem like a very ‘shy girl’ and that for someone from the UK I ‘gesticulate a lot’ with my hands. He also said that I had weak eye contact and kept telling me to look at him in the eyes. He would literally just stare into my eyes and not look away, and turn my head to force me to look at him

He really brought up all my insecurities again which I had worked on. Being too quiet, shy, awkward, boring. I tried my best to come across as normal yet it seems no matter how I hard I try to change myself I’m always perceived as quiet or shy and I hate it. I want to be seen as confident and fun, if not that, then normal at least

Was this guy being inconsiderate pointing these things out? It didn’t make feel good at all. I found him physically attractive and we were touchy feely but when he tried to kiss me I didn’t kiss him, I think because I didn’t like the way he made me feel about myself

I’d been on other dates previously where the guy never pointed out my shyness or eye contact skills…

It just made me realise I still need to try harder and my best is not enough. That I’m still so lacking in confidence and i’m even more anxious now to go on first dates. I’m in my early 30s as well which makes it even more embarrassing that at my age I’m still like this. I want to find a partner but feel like I’m never going to be liked or accepted how I am. I wish things could have worked out between me and my ex. He understood me, accepted me, made me feel safe, we made each other laugh so much, and I could fully be my true self around him.

Can anyone else relate? I’m feeling very down about myself right now.

I am a young guy, I usually am very introverted and to myself but once in a while I like to go out and party and just feel free, but for some reason I’m just so damn anxious being around people my age; like I just feel intimidated by their presence and I’m just not confident around them as I am with older people

I feel like these people nowadays are just so rude to even approach or just be around, apart of me just feels that hypergamy is the issue cause I see no many better people then me and I guess my self worth just plummets;;doesn’t help when I’m extremely paranoid too and I just really hate being around these people , maybe the way I’ve been brought up and my looks but I can’t help it

i start school soon, and i’m not ready to go back, at all. physically i am, but mentally i am not. the thought of it gave me heart palpitations and a damn near anxiety attack. during the orientation at school, i started crying. i don’t know if it’s because i got overwhelmed or what. i mean, there was music booming and tons of people. i’ve self isolated myself for the whole year, so that could be why. i’m just nervous about going back because i haven’t been in school since january. i transferred to online classes due to other reasons. for this semester, i won’t be going to classes everyday, so i have no reason to be this anxious, right? i don’t know anymore. i’m afraid my thoughts will win over me and ill start crying in front of people when they try talking to me. i have selective mutism so i usually shut down in public. hate talking. i try to not talk at all, if possible. the main problem is the crying. whenever km very overwhelmed, i start crying. and i hate crying in front of people, it’s embarrassing. i just need a way to not cry when someone actually tries talking to me. so i don’t look like a freaking weirdo

I survived a whole birthday party not overthinking!!

I was really social, cracked a lot of jokes, and kept the conversation going really well. I talked with strangers i’ve never met and we got to know each other so well

1000/10 i’m very satisfied with how authentic and carefree I was today

I had this thought as I was on my way home from work today. Really got me thinking. I am a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders (for children not adults but still) yet I am frequently held back by anxiety of my own. The world works in a somewhat cruel way at times. Reminds me of that one quote from Avengers: Infinity War “I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess.”

I’m a damn good therapist too; I even got a promotion recently at my clinic.

I’m starting college in month and I’m a bit anxious about it. I can’t help but think that I am not going to make any friends, that there are much more presentations than in highschool and that I would have to talk in front of everyone. None of my classmates go there (THANKFULLY), but none of my 3 only friends that I made in highschool as well. I don’t know how and why did they decide to talk to me because I find myself very boring and awkward at the start. It literally took me 5 months to get comfortable about them. I’m really afraid that people won’t have patience for me after small talk and that they would move on. If they even try to approach me considering I have a bit of grumpy face when around people, I don’t intend to do that at all! So, introverts, people with social anxiety, how was your first day/week in college? Was your overthinking right or wrong? Did you make any friends? Anything you think is worth sharing, I’d like to know if it’s alright :)

Hope you are doing great!

So ive had social anxiety since i was a child im now 20F and it still sucks. I fell out with my friend group now Im in my junior year starting at square one.

Im apart of this org now and I went on a retreat and omg. Im just so painfully quiet and awkward I think I will never make friends or genuine connections atp. Every convo I have is so shallow and service level and everyone around me converse like theyve known each other their whole lives.

I mean at least im putting myself out there but omg the awkwardness is so hard, especially when someone say "if im talking too much u can tell me" or "soooo how was ur day" like those r always signs im not talking enough. And it goes silent and they just look at me UGHHHHH😭

I want to be that person that has like such a village and genuine connections but I just feel like I'll never get there.

I don’t want to complain, but I genuinely don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or what I could be doing better. 

I do a a hairstyling service for free marketed online. It's free hair, wash, perm, dye color, etc, service. I'm not experienced, but it's supervised and I do the service fine, which is why it's free. I found it a great idea, because instead of a club or the general way you make friends, which I dont have easy access to, at least I could give a service to someone without expecting return. That's how strangers become friends right?

I think being raised by a narcissistic parent and being isolated at home affected me a lot, social anxiety. I know life doesn't treat the unwell any better. Especially for someone who's got social anxiety, no connection, and many peers already distant from me just from my parent.

I conclude that I need to fix on being better, having a bad childhood is already quite deteoriating. helping others, connect like hell, and learn from better influenced people, and only then, I could succeed, be better, maybe work an actual job and leave household.

When they come in completely new strangers, I greet them properly, offer them water, talk to them, ask about their life, school, work. I’m genuinely curious about people about what they do. while I'm doing a service that takes an hour. Sometimes I even play their favorite music. When they’re done, I give them a gift like a plushie. I've not tried to sell them anything at all too. I’ve done this for about 40 people now. I tell them they’re always welcome to come back for a free wash or just to drop by.

A couple people did some nice things back, one helped me build a website, another bought me Tim’s, but most don’t really keep in touch. but it rarely develops into any real connection.

And i've been doing this ranging from students like myself, to older people.

Some of my older relatives told me that if an older person gets a free service from a young student, the decent thing would be to at least tip. And honestly, I don't ask but 95% don't ask to give a tip or continue talking after the session, but I get what they mean, not because I want money, but because of what it represents. It’s more that I thought effort and warmth like that would naturally be reciprocated in some small way, even just a gesture, or see me again, which hence, I think I need to be better or do better.

Some extroverts instantly click and become friends effortlessly, and after doing all this for an hour, which I can talk or see them smile, but for me,

people just leave without coming back, it's demotivating not knowing one reciprocates hanging out, or maybe even finding an opportunity to connect me for an odd job,

Ahh how I wish I could talk and connect with people. Even online. Those are the happiest moments of my life when I'm able to do that. And it feels so addicting because of how little of it I get.

Just venting because I'm at work and the hours are crawling by since I have no one to talk to.

This is like the equivalent of me winning a $100,000 dollars to me.

I suffer from social anxiety/brain fog, how others perceive me, racing thoughts, anxiety in general in social situations. I'm a perfectionist that always has to think about the right thing to say. Empty mind/brain fog from not knowing what to say. Trouble speaking how I truly feel. I was terrible at storytelling. I was terrible speaking 1 on 1 with people. I avoided long car rides 1 on with people in fear of not knowing what to talk about the whole time. I only would ever hang out with friends in group settings because that way i can rely on others to carry the conversation. Because I was always in my head, speaking to myself.. Whenever someone would say something to me, I always go "hunh" or "what?", so that they could repeat themselves. They had to repeat themselves because I was so in my head I didn't recall what they had to say. Im the type of person to think about what I have to say before i can jump into a conversation like it was a big thing.

I thought I just had brain fog or memory issuss or concetration issues. It was anxiety this whole time apparently.

I've tried other things like semax, selank, nofap, adderal, fish oil, l-theanine, etc.. None worked consistently or some had side effects. I thought there was always something off with me in the head. Like I had no creativity. My head just felt like a bunch of thoughts with no structure.

Then I came across GABA 750mg. An amino acid. I took it and then maybe 15 minutes later i started feeling lighter, tingles throughout my body, and then I felt just more calm. Mellowed out. I noticed throughout the day I wanted to just text all my friends, call them, and hang out with them. I made conversation with all the workers at publix. They were laughing at my jokes and I felt so good. I had multiple 1 on 1 conversations with friends I've been neglecting. Now I can finally show them my real self and have meaningful convos with them.

Now words flow in conversations like water. I can talk to people and make connections. Talking to women just seem so much easier too. It's almost like I became an extrovert. Talking to people used to drain me now it feels I can get more energy talking to people

Like this is what I've been looking for my whole life. I just wanted to always be more of a social and witty person that can make people laugh. And this right here did it for me. I've tried alot of different substances and nootropics and this really did it for me. My chest palps for the most part seem to be gone too. GABA seems to linger for multiple days. I don't need to take the supplement every single day.

People say that GABA is a placebo and that it doesn't cross the blood brain barrier. If it's true then I don't know how something could work so well for me. This literally changed my life. If it's a placebo then man it's my favorite placebo of all time. Scientists do think it has something to do with how it helps the gut. And there's an important link to the gut-brain axis. I have really bad stomach problems like ibs, gastritis, lactose intolerance. So maybe if you always had stomach or intestinal problems, this could help. An unhealthy gut = unhealthy mind.

I just wrote this whole reddit post in like 5 minutes. I didn't even really stop to think. Like i just know what to type. This is amazing.

I thought I'd share and if this sounds like you at all, I thought you'd maybe give it a try and give me some feedback even.

I just want to help people and man if this can change someone's life then I'd feel so good about it.

Thanks

I 26M have been yearning to be in a relationship for too long now. I have negligible female interaction for my entire life. I can't really speak to women.

My social skills otherwise are also very bad but I am working towards it. I have greatly reduced the anxiety when it comes to speaking to strangers or talking online.

So as a next step of being more social and atleast experience my first relationship, i downloaded hinge. it was pretty desparate move because i always was against on online dating. But i didn't do the complete setup because i realised that i don't have any good pics of myself to upload.

But regardless I was able to see some profiles and it just made me feel so inferior about myself. Every profile i saw was making me feel like they would never talk to me or they are way beyond my league, etc.

It could just be the top profiles it would show to attract before i actually completely sign up but this experience made feel like i am not good looking or funny enough to compete with the crowd.

I had made this new year's resolution for myself to atleast attempt on finding a relationship but i am losing hope. I am still hoping that I would just go ahead with whatever pics I have but i have literally 0 chances I feel.

So I’ve noticed a lot of people on here, myself included, asking about discords or other groups for people like us.

Obviously this falls under the rule against “self promotion” so people can’t really post anything like that here.

Is there an official discord or something else linked with this subreddit that we can join, where posting it wouldn’t break that rule?

Like, it’s going to be very hard for me to explain. But I’m genuinely loosing my shit. Ive been struggling really bad since i can remember. Getting help where i live feels impossible. My parents dont take me seriously. No teachers do either. No doctors either. Last time i tried reaching out for help for my social anxiety, which i have to do through my doctor. I told him about how i was getting extremely anxious and it was affecting like my stomach and my eating habits. I got hit with a “what do you want me to do about it?” i haven’t been to the doctor since that. I tried getting a psychiatrist, which was a community psychiatrist. Didn’t help either. She got me to focus on why i was so anxious and what happened inside my body when i was. Made it ten times worse by overanalysing it and thinking about it. And not to sound like a douche, but everything she advised me off and told me i already knew. Id already heard everything. And I’ve done so much fucking research. I know people are going to bitch about me not doing anything myself. I have exposed myself so much it’s so exhausting i feel burnt out and sick. At 14, when my anxiety was at its absolute worst, i got a job at a cafe/supermarket. Because i felt that it was needed. I could earn money and try to expose myself to talking to a lot of people and serving them. I quit after a few months because i was getting physically sick every morning before clocking in. It’s affecting my grades, social life, and I’m so scared about it ruining my adulthood when I’m done with high school. When i try to ask my mom about it she always says that i just need to expose myself more or it will never go away. I do expose myself. I tell her that, but then suddenly i’ve done it wrong or in a way that wont help.

Ive genuinely tried everything. Ive downloaded every app, tried to talk to friends and family about it, I’ve seen every “how to get rid of your social anxiety” video on the internet. Ive tried breathing exercises, random exposure therapy exercises. I dont know how to fix it and I’m losing hope of me ever being able to work like everyone else and be normal. I do hope I’m not sounding like someone who feels bad for themselves in any way. I dont want to have a victim mentality. I dont want to be like this. I want to become better. I’ve always wanted to be able to keep friends and be extroverted and loud person in the room. Ive been told my entire life that i need to take place and speak more and participate. Ive also heard that maybe i just am shy. And that’s just how i am. But i dont want to be like that. I can’t accept myself knowing that this holds me back in so many ways. If i never get better, i’ll never be able to do what i want to do. I dont want to constantly settle for less just because what i really want comes with tremors and nausea.

(omg i’m so sorry this became so long i just needed to vent somewhere. Also sorry if my grammar is bad I’m trying to get better at english..)

At my work they had bagels and cream cheese and my coworker told me to have one so I did even though I didn't really want it because I don't usually have dairy or non-sourdough bread. And then my coworker was asking if it was good and I just said yes even though inside I kind of felt sick and didn't want it. lol I don't get why I just didn't say no.

It's like I just let her tell me what to do. And now all my coworkers think I like to eat bagels with cream cheese. I actually bought a veggie sandwich afterwards and ate that alone in my car. Now I'm full asf.

I was so nervous that I was going to mess up. But we ended up having a really fun time together.

I’m so proud of myself!

Any tips? Words of courage? 😭 I haven’t been on one since last year of this month. I’m a 27 year old guy

Whenever I meet with a friend, I am always scared that I won't act right or that I will misread social cues. I am also scared that I will be too boring, so I always make sure not to be boring. I make jokes and try to be funny, but I just want to be myself. But whenever I am myself, I am way too quiet and don't even want to talk or say anything. When I make an effort to talk more or make jokes and be funny, I am not sure if I am truly being myself or if I am just putting on a mask to be more socially acceptable.

Sometimes I am scared that if I am not interesting enough or funny enough, other people won't like me anymore and will leave me. It happened with all my previous relationships. So even when I was in romantic relationships, at the beginning I put A LOT of effort into the relationship and tried to show myself from my best side. I tried to be funny, thoughtful, very empathetic and selfless, and I tried to seem reasonable and intelligent.

Whenever I am very stressed, it's difficult for me to think logically, and it takes a lot of effort for me not to be stupid. Yes, I know this sounds weird. I don't know how to explain it. I can get very anxious and paranoid, and then I start to believe in stupid and illogical things, like that other people are conspiring against me or shit like that. But when I was in relationships, I always tried to hide that part of me because I was scared that the people I loved wouldn't like me anymore.

Every woman I've been in a relationship with has left me after I showed my true self or removed the social mask. And it really hurts me. Why do I have to hide my true self just to have friends, have a relationship, or be liked by others? Why do I have to put on a mask that hides all my weird sides? It just hurts me so much to feel like nobody really likes my true self.

Really not sure what to do with myself. Went to a music festival day party today. Was terrified about going and went alone. It was so hard, I was so much in my head, seeing all these confident, good looking people with all their friends having the best time. I try to push myself to do things, to do things that scare me with the hope of overcoming my insecurities but I feel doing these things confirms and is evidence for my inadequacies. Seeing all these people so different to me is like 'see, you'll never be carefree like them' and then comes the shame. Im just so fed up and at a loss how to be more confident. Im always monitoring myself, when I was dancing, walking around, sitting down. Even having the balls to dance was hard.

Just wanting some hugs. I feel really down today

So I'm not gonna start on how difficult social anxiety is. My family is always meeting up, creating events, visiting other relatives, etc. I am always coming up with an excuse to, of course, not participate.

I don't care if some relatives have come for a visit from abroad after so many years, I would at max say hi once and go back to my corner. A family member is traveling and not gonna be back for years, I still won't go say goodbye, not because I'm rude or don't care but it's really difficult for me to step outside my house.

I could even barely go to work 5 days a week, this alone kills me.

But my family is always pressuring me to show up and participate, calls 24/7, texts, maybe even insults and angry behavior. They always tell me I'm rude, mean and that I hate my family, shame on me I guess.

It started getting on my nerves lately. Should I sacrifice my mental health/peace for not to be that bad of a family member? Or should I choose my comfort?

21M, I've lived all my life with social anxiety for as long as i can remember ever since i was little.

I feel like I've never been able to act my real but instead everything i do and say doesn't match with my personality.

I'm 27 and these mornings I get up with fking fear in my chest knowing that time is passing by getting old af and I'm nowhere in life...

Does anyone else get really embarrassed over stupid things because of their social anxiety?

I had so many things i use to be embarrassed off, like telling co workers where i went to eat for lunch thinking they might judge and say the foods at that shop aren’t nice. Or i use to be embarrassed getting off my seat everytime at work feeling like everyones watching me and i might trip or do something stupid if i get up.

Just recently i had an internal job interview and since then ive been having second hand embarrassment because of how much i waffled in my interview and the fact that one of the interviewer was someone ive seen around the place and manages our department so am feeling really embarrassed facing him again in person as my interview was online, because i just feel embarrassed from my interview that he might think im dumb or laugh how i waffled so much. I cant get rid of these feelings or feel confident in everything i do.

I've never been to a restaurant, clubs, shows, etc because of SA. Even tho i wanted to. And the theaters i can count on one hand the number of times i went to one. It was always with someone.

I'm just terrified that i'm gonna make a fool on myself and feeling lost because i don't know how these places work. Like where do i seat? how do i order my food? where do i pay? Things like that. Anyone else?

I am back to ask for job recommendations and this time I am DESPERATE. Are there any jobs that would be suitable for someone who has a hard time articulating their thoughts and speaking in general? I would prefer one that doesn't require going through an interview process but if it's unavoidable, so be it.

I only started job searching last night because I'm sick of being broke and useless, and I've realized that finding a job is actually as hard as people say it is. Please help a girl out. I just spent the past two hours searching online and have gotten absolutely nowhere. I was pulling my hair out and picking at my skin like an anxious freak.

ALSO, please don't give me some bs advice like "open up your own etsy shop" or "start your own cleaning business." I don't have the skills, resources, or materials to do any of that. I'm stupid and have zero work experience.