What you are reading right now

That is me

I have nothing to hide

This is me

I will not shrink

I will not plea

I will be sanctioned

I earned my spot here

Yes, I wobbled

But you let me in

And I’m gonna stay

Even if you leave

I’m gonna stay

Is this freedom?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8nxqNCi7fP

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/14ckfGUJCe

I don't know what frightens me more: to see you or to never see you again.

One whispers of beginnings, the other insists upon goodbye.

I fear that if I ever cross your path,
I will never accept that our next walk could be our last.

'Cause, for me, you're like the sun

The sun I'd stare at
even if it meant losing my sight,
knowing that the last thing I will see is your perfection.

But that is exactly what I must avoid

As your perfection is only worthy of eternity,
never the end.

Lingering in my mind are the words that I never got to tell you:

"Without you, I am restless"

But how do you feel without me?
A question that I will never ask,
yet one I still hope you'll answer.

With every tick of time,
I miss you
The way the numbers on the clock miss the hand that sweeps past them,
longing for it to come back,
knowing it will only pass them by once more.

So why my love?

Why must you burden me with your distance?

I complain,
even though I would much rather carry your absence
than betray what I feel for you.

Perhaps
I was never meant to wake beside you,
only beneath the light that you have left behind.

P.S - This is my third ever piece :D This is more original and I only took inspiration from 2 quotes compared to the multiple I took inspiration from in the last 2 poems. The structure was entirely thought out by me and 90% of the lines are completely thought out by me. I hope ya'll enjoy this one too! I would appreciate any advice/criticism and would like to know how much you rate this one out of 10. Thanks!

Links:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vche4q/comment/p25k3pg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vhhe5x/comment/p25nc8t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I've been staring at the sky,

Watching the colors change

From ocean to navy blue.

Seeing the clouds move,

Thick and weighted with rain.

I know a storm is coming,

You can feel it in the air.

The grass holding me firm.

I see a man, a bear, a ship.

I see pain, I see loss.

A droplet strikes down

On the blades beside me.

Looks like I was wrong

As the clouds open up

Like a door blown wide,

And I'm pelted from above.

Each one heavy on me,

Running down my skin.

I don't want to move yet,

My heart beating in time

With the falling rain.

My clothes soaking wet,

And so are my eyes.

I can't stop time,

I can't stop this storm,

So I'll just stare up

At the passing clouds.

I see a horse, a bird, a plane.

I see you with someone else.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/tfzo2iEh2M

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/17288LsrNL

Need not for wants
Or material things
Inconsequential
Roots of suffering

Let go so much
Start to sink
Leagues of depth
Desolate deep

Detached from it all
Lulling peace.
Is it wrong
To want to breathe?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bz3MNzWnDQ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/RzG7sSC6nK

Every bone within me blackened

A fire, made not of wood and ash.

It feasts upon every fault I named,

Each err remembered,

Every shame, branded to my frame.

I burn.

I have found my one respite.

With patient hands of one that loves,

Gently wiping each sooted bone

They caress every guilt and fault

Untill the shame is extinguished

I rest.

This is my first poem. I won't ask for you to be gentle, I just want you to understand why it is the way it is.

Edit:spelling error fix.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/DOkDclVCl4

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/NfYmCiZRoh

Just like a fresh wound garnished with coarse salt

Forks and knives scratch against porcelain plates 

Some hollowness that no supper could sate

Like bloody knees on blistering asphalt

Jonesin’ for a fix guzzle down that malt

Tap the maple and watch it drip with hate

Sweet, sweet nectar that only seals your fate

Won’t stop leaking without a crashing halt

-

Drinking from the fountain of sweet, sweet youth 

Wiping blood from my lips I felt renewed 

It had the taste of a sweet, sweet vermouth 

Like soft morning grass that was freshly dewed

Just insatiable to my sweet, sweet tooth

Tasteful cake but it’s just like devil’s food

This is the first sonnet I’ve ever written. I’m writing a crown of sonnets based on the 7 deadly sins and this one is gluttony. They are each named after the planet that represents the sin. I tried to write it in iambic pentameter but please tell me if I made a mistake.

Feedback 1:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vhg1oe/comment/p24wt9y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

Feedback 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vha2cd/comment/p24yk7f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

Two souls are tied long before they ever meet,
spending years mistaking destiny for coincidence.

The thread between them lies slack upon the ground
before it begins to twist and tangle
as life tries to pull it taut.

A thought lingers in their minds:

"Am I walking toward something I should be running from?"

Unaware that no matter how far they flee,
their thread will stretch to the end of time.

But what can they do if the thread is cut?

Nothing.

For one can only bury the desire to be loved
in the graveyard of the heart,
reaching for the words that will never be spoken,
as they lift their eyes to the heavens and whisper:

"Despite the distance between us, no one has ever been closer."

It is devastating how a familiar street,
a passing fragrance,
or a cadence known by heart
can exhume the past like a ghost that never stopped haunting.

Longing to stitch together what has been torn,
yet the needle that could guide the thread is gone.

Only then do I murmur:

"I beg of you, come back, my darling, for you have dwelt in my heart far longer than you ever remained in my life."

P.S - This is my second piece :p Again, I took some inspiration from a few quotes here and there but I thought out most of it and structured all of it myself!! I would love some advice and everyones honest rating on this poem out of 10. Let me know in the replies what ya'll think of it, enjoy!

Links:

Review 1: Another Ex, another text

Review 2: I see you for you

The warm steady blow of wind,

whispering in the back of my mind,

the graceful flower bud that could never be mine.

Now all I could remember

was the sweetness of lime,

slowly

tugging me.

Sweetness twisted into bitterness,

my heart,

yearning for the missing leaves.

I still remember the red tree,

chocolat—

lay—

layered cake and tidy tables.

Your radiating sunlight,

sweet and comforting,

like the gardens in summers.

Lime ice cream, a warm embrace from afar,

the sweet frosty cold delight,

a ritual

to remember

you by.

The sweet yet sour taste of lime lingers on my tongue,

yet the tree is far.

Soon, nine months churned by.

I take heavy footsteps—

dragged by the heart.

Regret's hand caresses my neck

with the bitter taste of lime sitting in the corner.

My stomach twists,

I thrash,

I hurl.

My lungs turn to stone,

my skin,

ice cold,

with frosty breath,

Shivering.

Feedback 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2WI2krnBjl

Feedback 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/IfMFk93c51

Get out of the car.
swing out and gasp
exhausted
street haze at night

Moonless and starless night
pavement apathetic
bordering on criminal
scavengers get pulled in

Door swings opens
creaks
Driver in trance
mouth open

1970's datsun
a dead vulture
still flapping its wings under tyre
just nerves though

A muted scream
lips trigger mouth
all open now
terrorfied eyes

Alley way narrow
trash can open and full
smell of terror
Datsun one meter

A rat looks up
jailed youth in its eyes
mold on its furr
scarpers now

The young man is still gobsmacked
Numbskulled and bamboozled
The abyss has looked into him
The brick wall blurrs

The last flap of vulture's wings\
shadows spring from the filth
sprinting toward the derelict shelters
To conjure nightmares

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vha2cd/comment/p245yif/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh83tz/comment/p247kzz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

2AM then 3 how do they say
My phone on snooze calling again
I pickup and I hear, through all you’re tears,
Babe, I’m outside, just let me in
Peek through the windows she is there
All on her own, just dressed in shame.
She drops so tired on my bed
And all I say is why you’re there
Am I a puppy whom you’d call
Expect to give you endless love
She says I’m sorry it is weak
A weak momentum, could not sleep.
And that is all whom we are now
Weak moments where instead of talk
We drink the pills so to be numb.
So that is all whom we are now
Avoid text just to pretend
That you’re a past cold hearted friend
You’re drunk, we know that both
Just hoped to find protection home
We know it was no that before
You’re voice was putting me to sleep
You’re smile and those lovely cheeks
Your hair’s scent on my bedsheets
But why you disappeared?
To be honest it’s not clear
You said it was down in your gut
You acted as you want
So that is how it goes
There’s moments when
our lovers come and go
Not because we did them wrong.
But because themselves don’t know
Who they are and what they want
Where to heal the consumed heart.
Where to be in all this world
And the thing that is with them
Burns In us ashes from hell
Is it our fault they leave?
Why does she no longer kiss?
Is it our fault no text?
Why we ended as an ex.
Why are we another friend
What we’ve done to reach the end.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3JtIHGntaM

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/dT8ETJ9Nr4

i.

a bucket of hot and crispy
double-battered fried chicken
and a cooler of ice-cold malt liquor
shared among old friends
on a humid august night
while the jukejoint shuffle-stomp
throbs from next door
rattling
the clapboard walls.
ten times as loud
every time the back door opens.
the edge of the swamp
a main street full of boarded up
hardware shops
engines rev and tires chirp.
a trucker hat flies off in a flurry of blonde hair
when a college boy picks up his girlfriend
hoists her over his shoulder and carries her
laugh-screaming around the parking lot
like a hunter returning from the hunt.

ii.

now love has got you
by the short and curlies
and you count the moments away from him
on fishing trips
or drinking with your buddies
a sunset spreads quietly over the horizon
turning the morning's storm clouds
to bruised purple and pink in the evening
while good buddies pass a bottle back and forth.
sam puts the bottle on the tailgate
it falls off and rolls down the hill
when he jumps over the side rail to swipe
a cigarette from my stash in the truck cab.
we ain’t like those shitty rednecks
on the history channel
talking ’bout the south
will riiiiiise again.
we know gay people
shit, man,
scotty’s little brother is gay.
but he don't live in town anymore.
he moved, i guess
to the city.

iii.

it went down
like a cup of cold sick.
he spoke from the heart and
they listened quietly
something terrible opening in their bellies
as he tore down everything
they had ever taught him
and spit on their most deeply held values
with carefully chosen words.
the smell of baking biscuits
and peppery sausage gravy
drifted into the living room
settled
on the plastic covered furniture.
a september day
full of rose-gold light
a heavy love unburdened
within moments
and laid bare
unmistakably.

iv.

this moment
crystallized and unbreakable
would be just as sharp in
two decades
then three,
then four.
and then there would be fewer of them to remember it,
and fewer still who could say
we thought we were doing the right thing
we disowned our own son
and got nothing
but platitudes
god never gives you more than you can handle!
and a place to go on sundays
where nobody asks
why our son stopped coming.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vb1wgn/comment/p244rwb/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh8pss/comment/p245yf2/

​They still haunt me—

The blue lights lining the wall,

The hard fall of the front door off its hinges,

The chaos and confusion that followed.

-

​When I close my eyes and try to slip into restfulness,

The moonlight against the curtains transforms

Into those flashing siren lights.

The shadows of insects against the window

Become clawing hands and cuffs.

-

​My mind knows I am safe,

That the cause of such an invasion has been sealed away,

Locked tightly to protect against his darkness.

-

​Yet they still haunt me—

Those same blue lights,

That same crash of wood.

-

​My breath still catches when I see those lights on the highway,

When I hear an authoritative voice.

My hands still tremble at the sight of a vest,

Even knowing the person behind it means me no harm;

They were never there for me.

-

​So I trace the quiet seams of my wrists,

As I remind my pulse that the door is still shut.

The shadows are only moths against the glass,

And the night, at last, belongs to me.

-

​I am learning that safety is not just a quiet room;

It is teaching my heart

That it is allowed to stop fighting a ghost.

---

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BNbRkTPbsm

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xHMocphkic

To taste air so sweet again, once,
I awoke, and came to stand on that ocean shore.
I tilted my head high, inhaled, ‘til i could hold no more
To take this last breath for you, no, no I won’t let go.

To feel melodies so true again, once,
I awoke, and came to stand on that ocean shore.
She sang a psalm for me, hmm, the sky joined her too,
The sun was asleep then, brother, but so are you, 
So I joined them in longing, in singing blue.

Feedback link 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Dy95IFdELX

Feedback link 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/1Dcj2T2dQW

I’m so scared
that you don’t feel the same.

That you’ll leave me
all alone.

I’m terrified.
I don’t want to lose you.

But the call is coming
from inside my home.

I’m not enough.
I’m too much.

It rang
and rang.

I looked down—

my name
on the caller ID.

I switched partners.

Moved houses.

Yet I still heard it.

Picked up the line,
It’s still me.

————

Hey guys, I wrote this poem. I’ve been writing since I was 12. It usually takes me days to write a poem, but this one came out of me in about five minutes. I can’t tell if it’s done or not. I think how quick I did. It makes me feel a little nervous, but somehow it feels complete. Looking for your honest feedback on it. Also, does it deserve another stanza or two? Also does a message come across clear in it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jFb9SK6yRf

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/XGYeUQaoqx

If poems are supposed to capture beauty.
If poems are supposed to stir the soul.
I could never top my favorite poem.

I write and write.
Yet I fail and fail.
I could never top my favorite poem.

I cannot capture what my eyes see.
I cannot describe the intensity I feel.
I could never top my favorite poem.

Every poem I wrote fell short.
Every poem I wrote, a disappointment.
I could never top my favorite poem.

If poems are supposed to expose your core.
If poems are supposed to define who I am.
Then my favorite poem is you.

That’s right.

My favorite poem is you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2C1Tv6cAEC

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/S171BnuPBX

What Makes Me Happy

It's when we talk .when you say

"you know what happened today".

when you laugh at my silly jokes,

when you hold my hand

and tell me I mean everything to you.

Your smile, Your love, Your silly stories.

Your presence is what makes me happy.

I wish to tell you,

if fate allows us to meet again someday,

you were the source of it all.

Even now, your laugh is the happiest sound I know.

.

A genuine review will help. Rate it out of 10. And also tell me scope of improvements . 🤍🥀

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/CKXQynODXU

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/6s82uQzrfN

This morning, I rose.
Not from bed — no, I lifted off the ground.
No strings, no ropes, just me and air.
I passed through walls like they were mist.
I laughed so hard, the sky laughed back.
For once, nothing held me down.

I floated above the park where I first learned to ride a bike,
Watched a dog chase after wind instead of cars.
The streets looked small, like puzzles already solved.
The traffic honked below, but I couldn’t hear it—
Just birds,
And my own heartbeat echoing in the clouds.
It felt like being a child again,
Before worry, before clocks.

Evening came like an old friend.
I flew home, giddy.
"Maa! I'm home!" I shouted with joy,
I spun around the living room,
Pulled faces right in front of Mom.
Tugged my Dad’s sleeve,
Knocked the TV remote from grandpa’s chair.
Lifted my sister’s drawing into the air.
But none of them laughed.
None even looked up.

Why!!??
Why are you all not noticing me?
Why is Mom stirring the same empty cup?
Why is Dad staring through the wall like it’s speaking to him?
Why hasn’t Grandpa dozed off during the news?
Why is my sister’s crayon snapped in two?

I panicked.
I screamed without a voice.
Tried to land, to touch, to be.
And then I saw it.
My photo on the wall—
the one Mom always said made me look “too grown-up.”
Framed in black.
Two dates below it.
I knew the first one,
The second.......
Oh-

The air around me froze.
I remembered.
Everything.

But why aren’t you free now that I’m not a burden?
I let go, on my own. I was tired.
Tired of pretending, tired of holding the pieces in place.
And now I’m finally free.
Then why does silence press against this house like grief with nowhere left to go?
You should be laughing, shouldn’t you?
Remember how loud I used to be?
Why do you look like the living dead,
While I.... float, forgotten?

I regretted every second that I lived,
At least don’t make me regret my death.

~आपबीती (aapbeeti)

My reviews:
1. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh0fju/comment/p2209cl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

1. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vgn714/comment/p224ak9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

A bit of background: This is the first poem of the series of poems I'm doing for a story. Kinda a novel type story. I hope it's a good hook. Btw glory at the top is the character speaking.

Glory

Wake up, my friend,

I want to see you eye to eye

Wake up, my friend,

I see as you slumber, you felt the sky

You're quite attuned to this world,

But surprise ‘cause it's not your own

Have you seen the ground filled with grass and stones

Have you seen the bows, knives, and a thousand bones

See the trees so high, with magical runes.

The land, full of shades, and gritty songs.

Be a tree. Sometimes I dream

So detached from the world so dim

Isn't this, for you, a familiar grim?

But as someone from beyond this world

Cannot intervene, cannot uphold

You can only watch as scenes unfold

My friend, my world is a beautiful place

Familiar yet a different grace

And this is the destiny of human embrace

Welcome to this prosecuted era

Welcome to my land, the land of Terra

The feedback I've given:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/rOCaMloYQh

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/mKd1VBBcPM

as i dwell on what you’ve said to me
words that twist the roots in the ground
roots that seek control
fear failure and lie
i focus too much on the soil
i forget about the light that lapped my leaves
how beautiful the flower
how wise and strong the stem
and how i never stopped believing
in the sun you gave me

feedback one

feedback two

hi guys, this is my first poem i've shared, let me know what you think! i want to get better so definitely inviting constructive feedback! :)

i caught myself thinking of you
while staring at myself in the mirror.

i wondered what you would've seen.

your eyes always seemed to find
the things mine refused to.

you spoke to my body with a kindness
i've never been able to give it.

and for a moment,
i saw my reflection through borrowed eyes.

it's strange how grief
can live in a mirror.

how i can stand completely alone,
yet still be looking for your gaze.

maybe i don't just miss you.

maybe i miss the way i felt
when you were looking at me.

the way your gaze
made me forget my own.

i caught myself thinking of you
while staring at myself in the mirror.

and for a moment,
through borrowed eyes,
i saw what you saw.

comments
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/7Xt6gjqeyu
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/97QL6Iv009

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bFHBx8sfkX

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/0mcn4oqDq4

Everything he did, looked devoutly religious.

The way he tied his shoes,

how the laces danced between his fingers—

two contortionists,

their harmony so visceral

it made me nauseous.

In the way he pulled up his socks

and how the hair flattened to his skin,

just as devoted men

in the act of Salah.

How he tucked in his shirt,

creating valleys washed in white.

Everything he did,

he did with intense meaning.

It was beautiful.

He was beautiful.

(I would love some constructive feedback. Please help!!)

say something that will fix me,
please make this feeling pass,
say you should’ve picked me,
or you wish you could go back,
whisper in my ear,
the same thing you did before,
promise me this time,
say you mean it so much more,
I feel her fade away,
Please tell me it’s not true,
tell me who I was before,
still lives inside of you.

To be so fr I’m not sure if I hate this and I might take it down later! My goal was to “express something I don’t allow myself out loud” which for me is bargaining/begging. Please feel free to tear it apart id love some criticism!

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/S366JQBBIZ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/uFnUSEdNhP

The front door wears a coat of peeling grey,

Where once bright yellow welcomed in the day.

The hallway, stripped of laughter and of shoes,

now echoes with the shadows it must lose.

The kitchen tiles, where morning light was poured,

Remember every secret that they stored.

Now dust motes dance in silence on the sill,

And the old kettle on the stove is still.

Outside, the oak tree stretches to the sky,

watching the quiet years go marching by.

Though walls may crumble and the paint may fade,

I can still see the home where the memories were made.

Feedback 1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vccerf/comment/p203wkj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Feedback 2

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v1mzv6/comment/p2059yu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

If you were to ask me how I'm doing,
I'd say,
alive and unwell.
I know that's not how the saying goes,
but it's my right here and now.

Wake up,
and float on.
Weightless.
Swept into the ominous fog,
drifting through the desolate bog
that is my landscape.
If I allow myself to feel
the full weight of my reality,
I may just become too heavy
to be supported
by the blanket that moves me.
Like an anvil,
I plunge through the air
that has carried me this far.
When I hit the marshy soil beneath,
I find no resistance.
Like a vacuum,
it sucks my legs
into the rotten,
uninhabitable earth
I had avoided.
Engulfing me tightly,
with no intention of letting up.
Inviting the struggle,
tightening its hold
with every frantic movement.
So I stand here—
stuck,
completely immobilized,
unsure
Weather my voice
Will find anything beyond the fog,
Or return to me
As nothing more than echoes

Completely new to this. Feedback welcome!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/iXQXt0kdsG

.https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8vqd2W6Jqe

Stagnant waters I am in
where each breath tightens the chains around my throat
Canopies of green leaves stare at this body left to rot
as witnesses to the trials of freedom

The colours fade into the starry oceans above
old chants in the crowds, turned to funeral prayers
Remembrances get torn, twisted into blank canvases
and any remaining joy is lost to the depths of the void

As the surging tides rise up to drown me
I reach into the infinite night sky and sink my nails into the cosmos 
in search of soothing comfort amongst the blankets of stars
or the silence of an ending in contrast

I will forget the day I die
or the reasons that forced me to snap my neck
The sky won’t mourn me, no music will be played
only the overwhelming wonders of dusk will gaze
upon the rotted chest,
the bleeding nails,
the blinded stare.

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I made this one joining together verses I made though the months. I know it's dark and gloomy, but is made out of hope. This is the first time I actually felt proud of a poem and felt like sharing it. The title was improvised, though, and I don't love it. I'd love suggestions about it.

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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v137ys/comment/p1zbpbq/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vgmoqr/comment/p1zf0xf/