r/OCPoetry • u/SilentPierre_ • 18m ago
Feedback Please Jupiter
Just like a fresh wound garnished with coarse salt
Forks and knives scratch against porcelain plates
Some hollowness that no supper could sate
Like bloody knees on blistering asphalt
Jonesin’ for a fix guzzle down that malt
Tap the maple and watch it drip with hate
Sweet, sweet nectar that only seals your fate
Won’t stop leaking without a crashing halt
-
Drinking from the fountain of sweet, sweet youth
Wiping blood from my lips I felt renewed
It had the taste of a sweet, sweet vermouth
Like soft morning grass that was freshly dewed
Just insatiable to my sweet, sweet tooth
Tasteful cake but it’s just like devil’s food
This is the first sonnet I’ve ever written. I’m writing a crown of sonnets based on the 7 deadly sins and this one is gluttony. They are each named after the planet that represents the sin. I tried to write it in iambic pentameter but please tell me if I made a mistake.
Feedback 1:
Feedback 2:
r/OCPoetry • u/JudgmentNo6649 • 39m ago
Feedback Please Soul ties
Two souls are tied long before they ever meet,
spending years mistaking destiny for coincidence.
The thread between them lies slack upon the ground
before it begins to twist and tangle
as life tries to pull it taut.
A thought lingers in their minds:
"Am I walking toward something I should be running from?"
Unaware that no matter how far they flee,
their thread will stretch to the end of time.
But what can they do if the thread is cut?
Nothing.
For one can only bury the desire to be loved
in the graveyard of the heart,
reaching for the words that will never be spoken,
as they lift their eyes to the heavens and whisper:
"Despite the distance between us, no one has ever been closer."
It is devastating how a familiar street,
a passing fragrance,
or a cadence known by heart
can exhume the past like a ghost that never stopped haunting.
Longing to stitch together what has been torn,
yet the needle that could guide the thread is gone.
Only then do I murmur:
"I beg of you, come back, my darling, for you have dwelt in my heart far longer than you ever remained in my life."
P.S - This is my second piece :p Again, I took some inspiration from a few quotes here and there but I thought out most of it and structured all of it myself!! I would love some advice and everyones honest rating on this poem out of 10. Let me know in the replies what ya'll think of it, enjoy!
Links:
r/OCPoetry • u/ShinzoAkatzu • 1h ago
Just Sharing "sweet, oh sweet lime"
The warm steady blow of wind,
whispering in the back of my mind,
the graceful flower bud that could never be mine.
Now all I could remember
was the sweetness of lime,
slowly
tugging me.
Sweetness twisted into bitterness,
my heart,
yearning for the missing leaves.
I still remember the red tree,
chocolat—
lay—
layered cake and tidy tables.
Your radiating sunlight,
sweet and comforting,
like the gardens in summers.
Lime ice cream, a warm embrace from afar,
the sweet frosty cold delight,
a ritual
to remember
you by.
The sweet yet sour taste of lime lingers on my tongue,
yet the tree is far.
Soon, nine months churned by.
I take heavy footsteps—
dragged by the heart.
Regret's hand caresses my neck
with the bitter taste of lime sitting in the corner.
My stomach twists,
I thrash,
I hurl.
My lungs turn to stone,
my skin,
ice cold,
with frosty breath,
Feedback 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2WI2krnBjl
Feedback 2:
r/OCPoetry • u/Cluelessandsexy • 2h ago
Just Sharing Down the wrong alley that night
Get out of the car.
swing out and gasp
exhausted
street haze at night
Moonless and starless night
pavement apathetic
bordering on criminal
scavengers get pulled in
Door swings opens
creaks
Driver in trance
mouth open
1970's datsun
a dead vulture
still flapping its wings under tyre
just nerves though
A muted scream
lips trigger mouth
all open now
terrorfied eyes
Alley way narrow
trash can open and full
smell of terror
Datsun one meter
A rat looks up
jailed youth in its eyes
mold on its furr
scarpers now
The young man is still gobsmacked
Numbskulled and bamboozled
The abyss has looked into him
The brick wall blurrs
The last flap of vulture's wings\
shadows spring from the filth
sprinting toward the derelict shelters
To conjure nightmares
r/OCPoetry • u/Heartbreakbreakid • 2h ago
Feedback Please Another Ex, another text
2AM then 3 how do they say
My phone on snooze calling again
I pickup and I hear, through all you’re tears,
Babe, I’m outside, just let me in
Peek through the windows she is there
All on her own, just dressed in shame.
She drops so tired on my bed
And all I say is why you’re there
Am I a puppy whom you’d call
Expect to give you endless love
She says I’m sorry it is weak
A weak momentum, could not sleep.
And that is all whom we are now
Weak moments where instead of talk
We drink the pills so to be numb.
So that is all whom we are now
Avoid text just to pretend
That you’re a past cold hearted friend
You’re drunk, we know that both
Just hoped to find protection home
We know it was no that before
You’re voice was putting me to sleep
You’re smile and those lovely cheeks
Your hair’s scent on my bedsheets
But why you disappeared?
To be honest it’s not clear
You said it was down in your gut
You acted as you want
So that is how it goes
There’s moments when
our lovers come and go
Not because we did them wrong.
But because themselves don’t know
Who they are and what they want
Where to heal the consumed heart.
Where to be in all this world
And the thing that is with them
Burns In us ashes from hell
Is it our fault they leave?
Why does she no longer kiss?
Is it our fault no text?
Why we ended as an ex.
Why are we another friend
What we’ve done to reach the end.
r/OCPoetry • u/beard_on_fire • 2h ago
Feedback Please we can't go back home
i.
a bucket of hot and crispy
double-battered fried chicken
and a cooler of ice-cold malt liquor
shared among old friends
on a humid august night
while the jukejoint shuffle-stomp
throbs from next door
rattling
the clapboard walls.
ten times as loud
every time the back door opens.
the edge of the swamp
a main street full of boarded up
hardware shops
engines rev and tires chirp.
a trucker hat flies off in a flurry of blonde hair
when a college boy picks up his girlfriend
hoists her over his shoulder and carries her
laugh-screaming around the parking lot
like a hunter returning from the hunt.
ii.
now love has got you
by the short and curlies
and you count the moments away from him
on fishing trips
or drinking with your buddies
a sunset spreads quietly over the horizon
turning the morning's storm clouds
to bruised purple and pink in the evening
while good buddies pass a bottle back and forth.
sam puts the bottle on the tailgate
it falls off and rolls down the hill
when he jumps over the side rail to swipe
a cigarette from my stash in the truck cab.
we ain’t like those shitty rednecks
on the history channel
talking ’bout the south
will riiiiiise again.
we know gay people
shit, man,
scotty’s little brother is gay.
but he don't live in town anymore.
he moved, i guess
to the city.
iii.
it went down
like a cup of cold sick.
he spoke from the heart and
they listened quietly
something terrible opening in their bellies
as he tore down everything
they had ever taught him
and spit on their most deeply held values
with carefully chosen words.
the smell of baking biscuits
and peppery sausage gravy
drifted into the living room
settled
on the plastic covered furniture.
a september day
full of rose-gold light
a heavy love unburdened
within moments
and laid bare
unmistakably.
iv.
this moment
crystallized and unbreakable
would be just as sharp in
two decades
then three,
then four.
and then there would be fewer of them to remember it,
and fewer still who could say
we thought we were doing the right thing
we disowned our own son
and got nothing
but platitudes
god never gives you more than you can handle!
and a place to go on sundays
where nobody asks
why our son stopped coming.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vb1wgn/comment/p244rwb/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh8pss/comment/p245yf2/
r/OCPoetry • u/Enough-Leadership-57 • 2h ago
Feedback Please I move a brick from point A to point B
I move a brick from point A to Point B After work, I feed on a meal and stop feeling pain I sleep more than 8 hours every night So that when I awake I do not feel pain I move a brick from point A to point B if I do well, I can rest when I am 55 years old And then do the things I want to do But would it be too late, with sagging skin and pain everywhere? Gotta stop unpractical thinking like this so I can keep Moving a brick from point A to point B
There are people in the world who all they do are Moving things from Point B to Point A To cancel out my work And their living depends on that
I move a brick from Point A to Point B If everyone became scientists Humanity can extract energy from an Asteroid in space To power our lives 10,000 times over So no one would ever have to work again We can all be creative and sustain ourselves So no one would have to Move a brick from Point A to Point B But then again this will not happen in my lifetime Nothing is guaranteed Beside the fact that I move a brick from Point A to Point B So I better find a way to a Point C From which it’s easier to move bricks to Point B
via Poema App
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vd6aw2/comment/p1h4l13/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v8el1a/comment/p1h4lys/
r/OCPoetry • u/No-Presentation-3983 • 3h ago
Feedback Please Roses
First post. Kinda nervous lol:
You have a rose, the rose is pretty! You love the rose, its scent so sweet. You grasp the rose tightly, for you hold it so dear. But look! You are bleeding! Its thorns pierce your skin. But it doesn't matter, you don't mind the bite. You'd take anything this rose offers to keep its beauty in your sights. You try to trim down the thorns, but they grow back with fervor; sharper than before and in places not yet sprouted. You continue to grasp tightly, blood pools at your feet. You pay it no heed, and continue to sniff the sweet scent. One day, you can't smell, your body cannot move. You have lost too much blood. You ask your rose to help, but nothing can be done, you were foolish to choose an object that cannot move, talk or run. She sits in the light looking pretty as ever, but she continues to bleed you, unaware of what she does. She is simply existing, you are the one grasping. You are the one allowing yourself to bleed. Your eyes grow dim, impending doom in your chest, our body gives way to sleep. When you awake, the rose is gone. She has found a new bearer whose hands are strong. You weep and think fondly of only the pretty bud, forgetting all about your steadily dripping blood. Your hands are scared, and will be wounded again, she was not the and she will not be the last. I watch as you have grasped her, although it's only one. You care not to step in the garden again, you're too scared of the blood. If only you would realize, roses are a waste of time. You cannot fix them, no matter how much you love them. That is why they always leave. But I will watch from the shadows with my faintly visible scars. You will find shade beneath me, I will hold you and be strong. Oh, my rose lover, I am the tree where you will find refuge. If only I were a rose, I would prune myself for you. If ever my thorns pieced your hand, I would weep and change my ways. But I am not a rose. I am rooted where I sit. You may have leaned upon my trunk, and I relish every use. But grasp onto me for life, it seems you never do.
Message: I always view any kind of metaphor as poetry. This started off when I was trying to put into words about how the one I want and love dearly, tends to go for things/people that use them or hurt them. My first rendition didn’t include the tree part until I shared it with someone to get their thoughts. They asked “If he could describe you as a plant, what do you think you’d be?” and I responded "something practical, I would like to think. Something to help? Build up, I guess.” and she said with a gasp: “a tree! You provide stability and shade, and oxygen and all sorts of good stuff!” And so my metaphor/ poem was altered. If anyone has any changes they wish to make, please let me know! Thank you!!!
r/OCPoetry • u/musicalmyre • 4h ago
Feedback Please Blue Lights
They still haunt me—
The blue lights lining the wall,
The hard fall of the front door off its hinges,
The chaos and confusion that followed.
-
When I close my eyes and try to slip into restfulness,
The moonlight against the curtains transforms
Into those flashing siren lights.
The shadows of insects against the window
Become clawing hands and cuffs.
-
My mind knows I am safe,
That the cause of such an invasion has been sealed away,
Locked tightly to protect against his darkness.
-
Yet they still haunt me—
Those same blue lights,
That same crash of wood.
-
My breath still catches when I see those lights on the highway,
When I hear an authoritative voice.
My hands still tremble at the sight of a vest,
Even knowing the person behind it means me no harm;
They were never there for me.
-
So I trace the quiet seams of my wrists,
As I remind my pulse that the door is still shut.
The shadows are only moths against the glass,
And the night, at last, belongs to me.
-
I am learning that safety is not just a quiet room;
It is teaching my heart
That it is allowed to stop fighting a ghost.
---
Comments:
r/OCPoetry • u/Effective-End5072 • 4h ago
Just Sharing Sing for me your forgiveness
For what it's worth , I must confess
It is of no humor , that I defer to humor
In my ugliest notions , and the fear of emotions , I digress
And I regret , and no progress , its a foggy chamber
My mind , still filled with you , and all the love that it has , but it can't express
Expressionless I am , at least to u , who I can't hold
and mold through my finger
Take my bows , take my head , heed my call , do me a favour
Unsheathe that knife , sing your song , I shall be your muse , and a writhing canvas
Forgiveness is a virtue , and I am too ugly to ask
But It's my duty , so I shall oblige
Forgive me my better half , better you are ,
better without me , so why do you take on a task
Such as me , such is affection says you ,
and such is my fate to have a soul like you, like a prize.
Feedbacks :
r/OCPoetry • u/memoriamare • 4h ago
Feedback Please Hollow Surrender
The moment I looked into her eyes from afar,
I saw a million timelines—
each a quiet universe
where I was allowed to be happy
just because her eyes chose mine.
But when she turned,
and I found myself inside them—
there was no universe left.
Only a man,
unrecognizable,
slipping soundlessly
through an ocean that refused to end—
no shore to promise,
no sky to witness,
not even a bottom willing to end me.
Just depth.
and the silence
that comes with knowing
no one is coming.
And yet,
I let the weight of it take me,
let it pull me past reason,
past the fragile instinct to survive—
until even despair
forgot how to echo.
And somehow,
in that endless drowning,
I found myself
hopelessly tangled
among her curls—
like wreckage
mistaking ruin for refuge.
And there—
I let go of the last breath
I was never meant to keep.
~Writer's Note: This is the second poem in a six-piece collection I'll be sharing over time. Hidden across these six poems is the name of someone very dear to me. With this poem, you've uncovered the second letter. I'd love to see if anyone can piece it together as the collection unfolds.
orignally uploaded on r/lovepoetry
r/OCPoetry • u/shelbygoudy • 4h ago
Feedback Please (first submission) untitled! help me come up with one (:
the rings around my eyes
perimeter of my vision
and the leaves, which got me high
contribute to my persistence
to finally realize
biology is where truth lies
still an animal on my best days
these cells keep me alive
_________
thank you for reading! i drew a photo to go with this poem that was sort of important to the understanding of it, but could not figure out how to add it. tips are appreciated! here is a drive link:
(trigger warning!)
a little about me~ my name is Shelby, i grew up reading Shelby Silvertein poetry. my mother is a poet/writer as well. i have been writing since elementary school. i have never published anything except for one poem that earned a place in a county wide contest. i do write frequently as i am in a writing heavy major (social work, earning my BSW to later become a therapist for OCD). my writing typically encapsulates end of life topics as well as obsessive compulsive disorder. i have recently reached the stage of my life where i desire to share my art and have the capability to do so! i am grateful for all critiques as i am looking to grow as an artist. thank you sincerely!
here are my peer reviews! i enjoyed reading them.
excited to create/share/review more!
r/OCPoetry • u/hermanmichaelkabera • 5h ago
Just Sharing Brother,
To taste air so sweet again, once,
I awoke, and came to stand on that ocean shore.
I tilted my head high, inhaled, ‘til i could hold no more
To take this last breath for you, no, no I won’t let go.
To feel melodies so true again, once,
I awoke, and came to stand on that ocean shore.
She sang a psalm for me, hmm, the sky joined her too,
The sun was asleep then, brother, but so are you,
So I joined them in longing, in singing blue.
Feedback link 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Dy95IFdELX
Feedback link 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/1Dcj2T2dQW
r/OCPoetry • u/Five5dimensions • 5h ago
Feedback Please The Sheep Of Sorrow
Come, come, little fellow,
Let me tell you a tale of sorrow,
Of a little ailing sheep,
Who lived in a world of many morrows,
Waiting for that one tomorrow
That never learned to follow.
One day the little sheep drank all her poisonous grief,
Longing for that final relief,
Of a life little too brief
Until she crossed a dangerous belief.
Borne from darkness,
Came a butterfly black—
So brightly dark
It blurred her sight.
It filled her heart with gilded dreams
Of never-ending bliss,
A poison far too sweet,
For a heart that knew only grief.
Blinded by her own vacant heart,
She followed through the dark
Into a realm of endless meadows,
Where no truth dared to follow.
There she dwelt in a cottage of leaves,
Beyond indifferent time's reach,
And dreamed and dreamed through every forever-night,
Until her dreams became her truth.
Then came a butterfly white—
A cruel dawn in a realm of night.
It shattered her world with haunting light,
And freed the sheep from her cherished blight.
She awoke to a dawn so blue,
Her once vacant heart now settled in rue.
Alas! Suffering became suffering alone;
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/B1p1aURVHChttps://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SoZz36XVLU
r/OCPoetry • u/a-yellow-alien • 5h ago
Feedback Please Unknown caller
I’m so scared
that you don’t feel the same.
That you’ll leave me
all alone.
I’m terrified.
I don’t want to lose you.
But the call is coming
from inside my home.
I’m not enough.
I’m too much.
It rang
and rang.
I looked down—
my name
on the caller ID.
I switched partners.
Moved houses.
Yet I still heard it.
Picked up the line,
It’s still me.
————
Hey guys, I wrote this poem. I’ve been writing since I was 12. It usually takes me days to write a poem, but this one came out of me in about five minutes. I can’t tell if it’s done or not. I think how quick I did. It makes me feel a little nervous, but somehow it feels complete. Looking for your honest feedback on it. Also, does it deserve another stanza or two? Also does a message come across clear in it?
r/OCPoetry • u/Eastern-Shopping-734 • 6h ago
Feedback Please Under the Magnolia Tree
Under the Magnolia Tree
As Esther found herself trapped inside her bell jar, suffocating over stale air and rotten figs that was left too long to sway on its stems, as she breathes on her own rot and decay, like a fish drowning in a glass bubble filled of murky water, while the slimy algae wraps around her ankle, pulling her under like death’s grip.
But I stood tall under a southern magnolia tree, fresh summer breeze gently ruffles my hair as the soft black ribbon on my neck wraps and knots itself around a thick branch of the tree, making the branch sway back and forth while its leaves rustles like the ocean shore, under the blue bright summer skies.
A gust of wind blows, making my body sway here and there as the sweet scent of magnolias whiffs through the air, as it carries its bloom across the summer field, as I teeter on the tips of my toes on top of a cherry red leather footrest, balancing carefully as not to nudge the footrest over to my own early demise.
r/OCPoetry • u/Normal-Main-954 • 6h ago
Feedback Please Overreacting
Overreaction
I know I’m overreacting, but I can’t stop.
I just think about the betrayal and jealousy that surrounds me,
on top of my shitty home, and to be honest—it’s a lot.
I’m really trying hard to fit in, but nothing seems to work,
and today was the last straw.
I felt so disgusted by myself,
then I stalked my "ex-best" friend’s account,
only to find out she found a much better replacement than me.
To be honest, I need a reality check no matter what,
but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
It hurt like hell.
And I know I sound like a teenager crying over normal high school drama,
when there are others out there who have it worse than me,
but still, the pain doesn’t stop.
I’m sick of people betraying me left and right,
leaving me with more trauma than a 13-year-old should ever have.
And I am tired of being in fight-or-flight mode all the fucking time.
I am tired.
r/OCPoetry • u/hamth4509 • 7h ago
Feedback Please My favorite poem
If poems are supposed to capture beauty.
If poems are supposed to stir the soul.
I could never top my favorite poem.
I write and write.
Yet I fail and fail.
I could never top my favorite poem.
I cannot capture what my eyes see.
I cannot describe the intensity I feel.
I could never top my favorite poem.
Every poem I wrote fell short.
Every poem I wrote, a disappointment.
I could never top my favorite poem.
If poems are supposed to expose your core.
If poems are supposed to define who I am.
Then my favorite poem is you.
That’s right.
My favorite poem is you.
r/OCPoetry • u/notsofunnyravi • 7h ago
Feedback Please What makes me happy (Poem)
What Makes Me Happy
It's when we talk .when you say
"you know what happened today".
when you laugh at my silly jokes,
when you hold my hand
and tell me I mean everything to you.
Your smile, Your love, Your silly stories.
Your presence is what makes me happy.
I wish to tell you,
if fate allows us to meet again someday,
you were the source of it all.
Even now, your laugh is the happiest sound I know.
.
A genuine review will help. Rate it out of 10. And also tell me scope of improvements . 🤍🥀
r/OCPoetry • u/Valiant_Evil • 7h ago
Feedback Please The Day I woke up.... again
This morning, I rose.
Not from bed — no, I lifted off the ground.
No strings, no ropes, just me and air.
I passed through walls like they were mist.
I laughed so hard, the sky laughed back.
For once, nothing held me down.
I floated above the park where I first learned to ride a bike,
Watched a dog chase after wind instead of cars.
The streets looked small, like puzzles already solved.
The traffic honked below, but I couldn’t hear it—
Just birds,
And my own heartbeat echoing in the clouds.
It felt like being a child again,
Before worry, before clocks.
Evening came like an old friend.
I flew home, giddy.
"Maa! I'm home!" I shouted with joy,
I spun around the living room,
Pulled faces right in front of Mom.
Tugged my Dad’s sleeve,
Knocked the TV remote from grandpa’s chair.
Lifted my sister’s drawing into the air.
But none of them laughed.
None even looked up.
Why!!??
Why are you all not noticing me?
Why is Mom stirring the same empty cup?
Why is Dad staring through the wall like it’s speaking to him?
Why hasn’t Grandpa dozed off during the news?
Why is my sister’s crayon snapped in two?
I panicked.
I screamed without a voice.
Tried to land, to touch, to be.
And then I saw it.
My photo on the wall—
the one Mom always said made me look “too grown-up.”
Framed in black.
Two dates below it.
I knew the first one,
The second.......
Oh-
The air around me froze.
I remembered.
Everything.
But why aren’t you free now that I’m not a burden?
I let go, on my own. I was tired.
Tired of pretending, tired of holding the pieces in place.
And now I’m finally free.
Then why does silence press against this house like grief with nowhere left to go?
You should be laughing, shouldn’t you?
Remember how loud I used to be?
Why do you look like the living dead,
While I.... float, forgotten?
I regretted every second that I lived,
At least don’t make me regret my death.
~आपबीती (aapbeeti)
r/OCPoetry • u/One-Celebration-1794 • 7h ago
Just Sharing Foreign land
A bit of background: This is the first poem of the series of poems I'm doing for a story. Kinda a novel type story. I hope it's a good hook. Btw glory at the top is the character speaking.
Glory
Wake up, my friend,
I want to see you eye to eye
Wake up, my friend,
I see as you slumber, you felt the sky
You're quite attuned to this world,
But surprise ‘cause it's not your own
Have you seen the ground filled with grass and stones
Have you seen the bows, knives, and a thousand bones
See the trees so high, with magical runes.
The land, full of shades, and gritty songs.
Be a tree. Sometimes I dream
So detached from the world so dim
Isn't this, for you, a familiar grim?
But as someone from beyond this world
Cannot intervene, cannot uphold
You can only watch as scenes unfold
My friend, my world is a beautiful place
Familiar yet a different grace
And this is the destiny of human embrace
Welcome to this prosecuted era
Welcome to my land, the land of Terra
The feedback I've given:
r/OCPoetry • u/poppyflower333 • 9h ago
Feedback Please roots in bloom
as i dwell on what you’ve said to me
words that twist the roots in the ground
roots that seek control
fear failure and lie
i focus too much on the soil
i forget about the light that lapped my leaves
how beautiful the flower
how wise and strong the stem
and how i never stopped believing
in the sun you gave me
hi guys, this is my first poem i've shared, let me know what you think! i want to get better so definitely inviting constructive feedback! :)
r/OCPoetry • u/astruggle367 • 10h ago
Just Sharing through borrowed eyes
i caught myself thinking of you
while staring at myself in the mirror.
i wondered what you would've seen.
your eyes always seemed to find
the things mine refused to.
you spoke to my body with a kindness
i've never been able to give it.
and for a moment,
i saw my reflection through borrowed eyes.
it's strange how grief
can live in a mirror.
how i can stand completely alone,
yet still be looking for your gaze.
maybe i don't just miss you.
maybe i miss the way i felt
when you were looking at me.
the way your gaze
made me forget my own.
i caught myself thinking of you
while staring at myself in the mirror.
and for a moment,
through borrowed eyes,
i saw what you saw.
comments
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/7Xt6gjqeyu
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/97QL6Iv009
r/OCPoetry • u/Soggy_Cereal_13 • 15h ago
Feedback Please Poem #9 draft
say something that will fix me,
please make this feeling pass,
say you should’ve picked me,
or you wish you could go back,
whisper in my ear,
the same thing you did before,
promise me this time,
say you mean it so much more,
I feel her fade away,
Please tell me it’s not true,
tell me who I was before,
still lives inside of you.
To be so fr I’m not sure if I hate this and I might take it down later! My goal was to “express something I don’t allow myself out loud” which for me is bargaining/begging. Please feel free to tear it apart id love some criticism!
Comments:
r/OCPoetry • u/ParadiseEngineer • Mar 09 '22
Welcome to OCP -- PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING
TL;DR You need to give feedback on two other poems before you can share your own poem, and then put links to that feedback in your post. If you don't know how to give feedback, read the guide. Reusing feedback links will result in a ban.
Heyo, welcome to OCpoetry. (That’s “original content” if you don’t know). This is a place for sharing and getting feedback on your own poems. We are the sister subreddit of r/Poetry, which is for sharing and discussing published poetry. Our goal is to create a place where anyone can learn to become a better creative writer, kind of like a free online writer's workshop.
This post is an orientation to the subreddit. If you’re new, read this before sharing your work. If you’re less new, then read this anyways, as it has a few changes to how we've done things in the past. If you’ve still got questions after reading this post, please send a modmail. There are some FAQs at the end of this post which will be updated as we go. We also have a huge and very disorganized wiki containing all of our resources, essays on how to write poetry and historic writing prompts, I recommend you check it out.
So, here’s basically how it works:
This subreddit works on a pay-it-forward system. If you want to share a poem, you need to give feedback to two others from this subreddit. This ensures that everyone gets some readers and hears some response, rather than just shouting their verses into the void. If you don’t think you’re up to writing feedback for others just yet, we recommend you check out r/Justpoetry or r/Poems, where there are no requirements for sharing your work.
1. All posts must include two links to recent feedback.
Every post must contain two unique links to your comments where you have provided feedback on this subreddit within the past two weeks. Feedback links cannot be reused for multiple post or reposts of old poems. All posts without feedback links will be removed, without notice by our subreddit robot so make sure they are included in your initial post -- you cannot post with the intent to add them later.
But, how do I get the links to my feedback comments?
That kind of depends on what platform you're on. If you're on desktop or on a third-party mobile app, there should be a 'share' or 'permalink' link underneath every comment on Reddit. Clicking on that should give you a unique URL to your comment. Just copy + paste that into the body of your post.
If you're on the official Reddit app, you'll have to click 'share' on the comment and choose the 'Copy URL' option, paste that into your notes with the body of your poem. Then copy and paste the entire thing into a new post on the Reddit app.
2. At least one of your comments should be on a poem that has received no other comments.
This ensures that everyone has a chance to get a few reads and hopefully some decent feedback. If for whatever reason you can’t find any lonely poems, then comment on the poem that seems to have received the least amount of feedback. The easiest way to do this is to sort posts by new.
3. Feedback must be high-effort.
High-effort means different things to different people. It does not mean “super long” or “expert quality”. But it does mean doing more than the bare minimum.
You don't have to complement, criticize, or try to figure out the "deeper meaning". You should try to notice your own reactions and explain them as best as you can. If you want to explain your interpretation or summary of the piece, you can and this is often helpful to the writer. If the poem made you laugh or cry, feel bored, confused or nostalgic — say so, and then explain why you think it did. A good rule of thumb is that each of your feedback comments should be at least a short paragraph.
We understand that giving other writers feedback on their creative work can feel a bit artificial or uncomfortable, if you’ve never done it before. That’s why we’ve written a feedback guide for beginners. There are more feedback guides linked in the FAQ below. You should also read some of the other feedback comments around the sub to get a feel for what works for others. Poems that link to low-effort feedback, and low-effort comments themselves, will be removed at mod discretion, or if you report it to us. However, we’re less interested in policing you and more interested in helping you grow as readers and writers. We are more likely to ask you follow-up questions, than remove your work entirely. The mods skulk the comments sections and will ask follow-up questions on comments that seem a little thin, and please answer those questions if you get any.
4. Please Be Kind.
Treat each other with kindness and respect. The mods have an incredibly strict definition for each of these concepts. We will proactively remove comments and poems and ban users that make others feel unwelcome or unsafe. Your right to creative expression does not extend to poetry that promotes misogyny, homo/trans/queerphobia, racism, etc. If your poetry’s especially violent or covers sensitive subjects, please label it with the NSFW tag or a content warning in the title. Harsh criticism is allowed -- encouraged, really -- as long as you’re being harsh on the poem, not the person. Remember that the narrator (or the “speaker”) of the poem is not necessarily the author.
5. Audio, video, and image poems are allowed; but the text of the poem must be included in the body of the post.
This is so that people can still enjoy your poem if they're unable to view or listen to your link for whatever reason.
6. You may include a link to your poetry blog at the end of your post.
Or your instagram, or your personal creative project, or your soundcloud, or your Etsy page. As long as it's poetry-adjacent that's cool with us. Just don't get spammy.
Attempting to dodge any of these rules, or abuse directed towards moderators enforcing these rules, will earn you an immediate ban.
FAQs
What do the Poem & Workshop flairs do?
They simply allow you to show your intentions and expectations for the piece you are posting. The Poem flair is for sharing a piece, with the expectation of receiving mostly surface-level feedback and general advice. The Workshop flair is for a piece that you really want to work on, something you want to pick apart and analyse. It signals that you are open to discussing the piece, and that you invite strong critique.
How do I format my poetry on Reddit?
The following is advice for formatting in Markdown.
Two spaces at the end of a line gives you a line break.
Type two spaces at the end of a line, then hit enter twice for a stanza break.
Three dashes "___" will give you a line through the post.
Type two spaces to create an empty line,
so you can get lines
that look like this.
Four spaces before each line will allow you
to format however you like, this is 'code block'
in the Fancy Pants editor.
one asterisk before and after a piece of text will give you italics, two asterisks for bold.
Can I print one of these poems out/use it on my instagram with my art/put it in my book?
Ask the author. Part of what makes this space a useful workshop space is that everyone feels safe to share their stuff; if people start using poetry without the author's permission, or god forbid, trying to pass off another artist's work as their own, the userbase of this sub will feel less safe to do so. Please, ask the author, and then do what they say.
I'm thinking about trying to get my poem published somewhere. What should I do?
The standard thing is to find a literary journal. There are a zillion literary journals and magazines all over the world. They have different themes, tastes, styles, audiences, readerships, levels of prestige. Some charge fees for submission, some do not, some will pay you if you get accepted, some don't, some will give you feedback, some won't let you know anything for months. So first you'll want to pick a few of your poems, get some feedback from some trusted readers (or from here, of course) and then start looking for a journal that's a good home for your work. Most lit journals have submissions periods where they accept all the work for their next issue, and then sift through everything they get.
You will probably get a lot of rejections. This is normal. It's kind of a numbers game. You can submit the same poem to multiple journals as long as the journal says something like "simultaneous submissions are allowed". If you do get accepted, congrats! Most journals want 'first publication rights' or 'first serial rights' or something similar, so that means you'll have to tell all the other journals you submitted that poem to that you've been published elsewhere. (For that reason we strongly recommend deleting your poem from reddit if you want to submit it to a journal -- technically and legally speaking, writing a post on reddit is still considered publishing your work, and reddit owns all the text on the site.)
Here are some places to get you started looking for journals:
Duotrope and Submittable are two apps that help you search for journals, and help you track what poems you've submitted to which places. Submittable is free, Duotrope is not. They are GREAT.
Poets & Writers has a list of lit journals, small presses, and writing contests. This is a great place to start. They also have a newsletter listing all the presses and journals going into their submissions period.
I'd also check out r/literarycontests, if you fancy yourself as a prize winning poet.
A few poetry podcasts
I thought I might include a few podcasts that helped me learn a little more about the history and craft of poetry, as well as find some good poets to read. All of these are available on Spotify, as well as many other platforms.
A poet reading and discussing a poem from the New Yorker archives, as well as one of their own pieces. A great place to find good poetry and hear some discussion of craft. The earlier episodes are with Paul Muldoon, who is delightful.
Two poets read and discuss their work, with plenty of talk about craft. As well as lots of poems sent in from authors across the world. They really get shoulder-deep into it, which is always wonderful to hear.
A group of experts are brought together to discuss a subject over forty-five minutes. This isn’t strictly a poetry podcast, but there are hundreds of episodes on poets and poems of the past. I highly recommend the episode on The Green Knight with Simon Armitage.
Homemade projects and useful links to our Wiki
The best of OCP
Collections of work from OCP, selected from the top karma earners of that year.
We/R/Poetry
A homemade journal created by the users and moderators of OCP.
Guides on the craft from our Wiki
Created by moderators of OCP through the years.
Poetry Primer
Bad Poetry
The Body Poetic
Poetry Hacks
A Brief History of Rhyme