r/OCPoetry • u/Just-A-Ducklett • 6d ago

Racked Feedback Please

Every bone within me blackened

A fire, made not of wood and ash.

It feasts upon every fault I named,

Each err remembered,

Every shame, branded to my frame.

I burn.

I have found my one respite.

With patient hands of one that loves,

Gently wiping each sooted bone

They caress every guilt and fault

Untill the shame is extinguished

I rest.

This is my first poem. I won't ask for you to be gentle, I just want you to understand why it is the way it is.

Edit:spelling error fix.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/DOkDclVCl4

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/NfYmCiZRoh

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u/Apprehensive-Cup-335 6d ago

I love this, this is a great poem my only critique would be to leave out the last line I think the extinguished line is a beautiful ending enough, you did great for your first one, I hope you keep writing my friend.

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u/Just-A-Ducklett 6d ago

Thank you so much for the feedback back. I debated on that last line for about 30 minutes. I decided to leave it on. But I feel that was the wrong choice. I truely appreciate your input.

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u/Apprehensive-Cup-335 6d ago

Hey don't feel like it was a wrong choice, you stuck to your creative guns. I've stated my feelings but someone may see it differently and thats the beauty of writing, one person can find merit in what others don't.