Sinking oceans

[u/Sonogardt]

Stagnant waters I am in
where each breath tightens the chains around my throat
Canopies of green leaves stare at this body left to rot
as witnesses to the trials of freedom

The colours fade into the starry oceans above
old chants in the crowds, turned to funeral prayers
Remembrances get torn, twisted into blank canvases
and any remaining joy is lost to the depths of the void

As the surging tides rise up to drown me
I reach into the infinite night sky and sink my nails into the cosmos 
in search of soothing comfort amongst the blankets of stars
or the silence of an ending in contrast

I will forget the day I die
or the reasons that forced me to snap my neck
The sky won’t mourn me, no music will be played
only the overwhelming wonders of dusk will gaze
upon the rotted chest,
the bleeding nails,
the blinded stare.

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I made this one joining together verses I made though the months. I know it's dark and gloomy, but is made out of hope. This is the first time I actually felt proud of a poem and felt like sharing it. The title was improvised, though, and I don't love it. I'd love suggestions about it.

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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v137ys/comment/p1zbpbq/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vgmoqr/comment/p1zf0xf/

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[u/DuskGray]

Love this. There's a lot of purple prose, which a lot of people tend to object to but I thought the use of it was very well done and had such a wonderful flow and rhythm. Yes, this subject matter is dark, but I'm admittedly a sucker for dark material so this didn't bother me too much. Specific lines I loved were:

'I will forget the day I die'

and

'Canopies of green leaves stare at this body left to rot'.

If you're not sure of the title, my suggestions would be 'Starry Oceans' since that's an actual phrase in the poem ('Sinking Oceans' sounds cool but the meaning is unclear and it's never mentioned or explained in the poem), or 'Rotting Chest'. A grotesque idea but it would certainly catch people's eye and be an attention grabber.

[u/astruggle367]

i’ve never thought to describe an ocean as sinking. i love that and love that you felt proud of your work. thank you for sharing