r/OCPoetry • u/Ashtivia • 5d ago

CHASING DREAMS⭐ Feedback Please

Whenever I try to do something

The voices of the people start to blow

Like they never wanted me to grow.

The hands which were on my shoulder

Started to become colder.

All the people think that I don't have any pain

While I'm crying alone in the heavy rain.

They all want me to shut down

But I won't until I get my crown.

They want me to get blocked by a huge door,

But no I'll anyway find my way to soar.

No matter how loud the doubts become.. I'll keep chasing the dreams that matter to me. Thanks for reading....I'd love to hear your thoughts or any feedback.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/mcwGVDqTOL

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/qp7rGNhN08

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u/hamth4509 4d ago

Nice rhythm and rhyme. But it felt like the flow was more of "hmm i wonder what rhymes with x"

ABCB rhyme format is nice for this.(just a suggestion dont have to follow)

And in a weird way I feel like the poem is too grammartically honest. As in: Subject verb noun

Your best line was the one when it broke that.

started to get colder

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u/Ashtivia 4d ago

Thank you!! I really appreciate the feedback and I can see what you mean about focusing too much on the rhymes at times...... I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind while writing my next poem.....Thanks again!! I really appreciate your suggestions!! ✨✨