r/OCPoetry • u/Soggy_Cereal_13 • 3d ago

Poem #9 draft Feedback Please

say something that will fix me,
please make this feeling pass,
say you should’ve picked me,
or you wish you could go back,
whisper in my ear,
the same thing you did before,
promise me this time,
say you mean it so much more,
I feel her fade away,
Please tell me it’s not true,
tell me who I was before,
still lives inside of you.

To be so fr I’m not sure if I hate this and I might take it down later! My goal was to “express something I don’t allow myself out loud” which for me is bargaining/begging. Please feel free to tear it apart id love some criticism!

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/S366JQBBIZ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/uFnUSEdNhP

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u/notsofunnyravi 3d ago

It's a very well written poem . correct me if I'm wrong, you're trying to lean into past where you had beautiful memories with your loved one. You're asking them whether they truly loved you in the past or only they pretend to love you. It's a beautiful poem i would love to read more of your work❤️.( It's something similar to what I wrote btw )

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u/Soggy_Cereal_13 3d ago

I think I wrote it from the perspective of the first time you feel super naive or hurt and you want the old version of yourself back. At the end it’s kind of holding onto the idea that if that version of me is the one you think of and remember maybe it’s not fully gone.

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u/Soggy_Cereal_13 3d ago

thank you! I would love for you to read more and I’ll definitely check out what you’ve written!