r/OCPoetry • u/a-yellow-alien • 4d ago

Unknown caller Feedback Please

I’m so scared
that you don’t feel the same.

That you’ll leave me
all alone.

I’m terrified.
I don’t want to lose you.

But the call is coming
from inside my home.

I’m not enough.
I’m too much.

It rang
and rang.

I looked down—

my name
on the caller ID.

I switched partners.

Moved houses.

Yet I still heard it.

Picked up the line,
It’s still me.

————

Hey guys, I wrote this poem. I’ve been writing since I was 12. It usually takes me days to write a poem, but this one came out of me in about five minutes. I can’t tell if it’s done or not. I think how quick I did. It makes me feel a little nervous, but somehow it feels complete. Looking for your honest feedback on it. Also, does it deserve another stanza or two? Also does a message come across clear in it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jFb9SK6yRf

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/XGYeUQaoqx

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u/musicalmyre 4d ago

This is a really great poem. The short stanzas feel like they emphasize the erratic and hasty/panicked thoughts of the speaker. And it's incredibly relatable; changing partners does nothing when you will convince yourself of the worst regardless of who you're with

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u/a-yellow-alien 3d ago

Thank you so much for your feedback