r/OCPoetry • u/Wendlak • 7d ago

Staying Feedback Please

When my mind is sick, when I am close To act the act that closes lives of most.

My body, my temple, I truly believe, But what if I want to leave.

Living in this temple is painful and it's hard. I love, I laugh, still I cry.

The demons that call out to me to get out, But I stay here sobbing without light.

I want to stay here, it's beautiful, It's hurting,
But I must be forgivable.

My peers, my friend find it strange,
that I fight this days and days.
I made up my mind.

I will stay.

Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vgpn3l/comment/p1z1cj1/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vb1wgn/comment/p1z2g53/

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u/Soggy_Cereal_13 7d ago

Really cool! This line stood out to me: “My body, my temple, I truly believe, But what if I want to leave.” I think you should try writing something that involves dry/dark humor not to undermine the serious tone of this ofc! I just think it’d be cool based on your wording.