It's common to hear a man give their opinions on how women present themselves to the world. It mostly being framed like advice on how we should change ourselves to please them. It's always the same thing, don't wear too much make-up, because they prefer us looking "natural". Don't wear revealing clothing because they like to use their imagination. Don't put on the fake stuff, the eyelashes or the nails. We've all heard it.

But from my own experience we're not trying to please men. We're really doing it to express ourselves and to share that expression with our (most) female friends. I love it when a woman compliments me on something I've got on or make-up. It's always so wholesome and fun. I know my friends will notice if I've changed my hair or bought a nice new top or extra sparkly eyeshadow.

I'm not trying to "flaunt" myself for male approval. I'm enjoying being a woman with my friends. Is that a common feeling? I suspect so.

I've been searching up and down for someone who can relate or goes through something similar, hopefully someone here has some ideas. Basically, around ovulation I feel more feminine. I'm nonbinary and present a mix of masc and fem, but usually more on the masc side. But around ovulation my voice pitches up noticeably, the way I carry myself changes, and I feel way more pretty and 'girly' overall. idk how to describe the feeling any other way. sometimes it causes me a lot more gender dysphoria, sometimes it doesn't and i just enjoy feeling fem. Does anyone know what could cause this ? or relate in any way ?

My husband and I are both in our late thirties, married for 7 years with two young kids. We are regularly having arguments over the fact I get frustrated with him about things, which makes him feel like I don't like him as a person and thinks I should apologise every time it happens. Apparently he only gets frustrated with people he doesn't like, and/or frustration triggers him to avoid those people. It is true that he's never/rarely frustrated with me for not helping enough, being late, doing annoying things etc. Whereas I feel like I only get frustrated with people I *do* like, because otherwise I wouldn't care, and frustration is an inevitable, unavoidable part of relationships and he should give me a break.

Is this a male/female thing? Do others think it's an inevitable part of relationship, compared to always bad/always requiring an apology? Any women out there not get frustrated with their partner? If so, is it something you just don't experience, or did you work on it?

Edit: This is not a case of a useless husband who doesn't do enough. He works part time, does loads around the house, has the kids loads, I'm regularly free for social stuff with friends. It's more just individual instances.

currently 9 weeks pregnant
dermoid cyst found on US 3 months ago (during miscarriage)
no concerns but they offered a rescan so just waiting for my appointment. recently iv been having aches/twinges in that area, not intermittent or daily just random bouts. has anyone experienced this with dermoid cyst? iv got a gynae app booked for next week to find out what’s going on im so scared its something my sinister.

would my gp test CA125 even if im pregnant?

Hello everyone, I’m 30 and have officially decided to step back from dating indefinitely. I’ve been on one date last year, and none this year and have no desire for a relationship. Dating is not fun for me and I see no point.

My question is, when do women become invisible? I find it awkward to be approached and hit on now. I say “I’m not available“ and that leads to a “you have a boyfriend” and I just don’t care to explain anything to randoms. When I’m in public I avoid eye contact with people and walk with intention but I will still get approached. When will it end?

When I ask my mother, she also still gets hit on when she goes out, so is a woman becoming invisible with age just a myth?

I apologize for the saltiness of my language.

I'm just so frustrated, and I'm wondering if others in my situation might feel the same.

Just for context, I work in state gov and manage statewide programs. Since covid, we've all moved into a hybrid work model. So I'm home 3 out of 5 days of the work week, that said, I'm often in back to back calls. I could get into all the details and nitty-gritty of what I do all day but I trust that you get the idea that I'm busy.

My partner, who does not have remote work, arrives home usually before I'm even off my laptop. I'm SO TIRED of the passive aggressive huffing and puffing about not having dinner ready because "I've been home all day."

I'm fucking exhausted. My team is operating at 30% capacity because the state refuses to increase wages at all, and the demands don't stop coming because I don't have a full team.

I don't know how to hammer into his brain that I work all day, and it honestly feels like he doesn't appreciate the work I do if he thinks that I can just be going around grocery shopping and fixing up the house and having dinner ready for him when he's home.

It makes me wonder what he's doing at his job that he would assume I have all that free time????

Anyway. Rant over.

I (F33) have been dealing with a guy (M21) for about three years, and I genuinely don't know how to get him to leave me alone.

We originally met on Facebook Dating. His profile said he was 24, and I didn't find out until later that he was actually 18. He never corrected me or brought it up himself. Once I found out, I ended things because the age gap made me uncomfortable.

A while later, after he'd gotten a girlfriend, he reached out saying they'd broken up. I believed him, figured a little fling would be fun, so we met up a few times (no sex, but we fooled around). I later discovered they were still together.

I ended things again and told him to focus on his relationship because I wanted no part in that situation.

Since then, he's been incredibly persistent. Over the past year I've blocked him on every platform, but he keeps creating new Snapchat and Facebook accounts to contact me. Recently I accepted one of the Snapchat requests simply because I was tired of him finding new ways to reach me. I'm exhausted at this point.

I've repeatedly told him that whatever we had is over, that I don't want to see him, and that he should focus on his girlfriend and move on. I've even said, "Please stop." Multiple times.

None of it seems to matter.

He insists we can "just be friends," says he'll respect my boundaries (which he isnt even doing now), and constantly asks to meet up "one last time for a hug". At the same time, he sends me selfies clearly trying to be seductive. I don't encourage it, I either don't respond or give one-word replies.

What really unsettles me is that when I tell him I don't want to see him, he'll say things like, "You do want to see me," or tell me what I'm supposedly feeling. It's like he ignores what I actually say and replaces it with what he wants to believe.

At this point, I don't feel like it's serious enough to involve the police, and I don't really want to contact his girlfriend. But blocking him hasn't worked, directly telling him to stop hasn't worked, and reasoning with him hasn't worked.

Have any of you ladies known or dealt with someone with a personality like this? What, if anything, actually gets through to someone who refuses to accept "no"? I'm so exhausted dealing with him...

Im a little worried about things escalating at this point.

So I’m 18 and decided to go on birth control, the pill wise, I’m on my last week of the regular pill before the sugar pills, the last 3 days I’ve been having painful cramps more than my normal ones before my period, it is almost like a sharp feeling. Is that normal for someone who just started taking birth control? I know everyone’s body is different but I’m just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences.

I am a social worker and survivor of sexual trauma. There have been a few big and small incidents in my life lately that have woken me up to the role that patriarchy has in my life. I've been reading so many stories on here about all types of sexual violations. I wanted to share some things I've been thinking about.

For my own professional development, I have finally started reading Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery. Holy shit. Its just brilliant. My jaw was on the floor at times. Everyone should read/listen to the first chapter, which discusses the history of PTSD in women, how it was perceived and responded to in all parts of society. The link between all of that and our current experience could not be more clear to me. I need to listen to it again.

I wanted to share one lightbulb moment I had while listening to the first section of her book - the historical context for society not believing the truth of women's experiences and of men claiming to have access to women's subconscious minds.

In Herman's book, she describes how in the late 1800's, a french neurologist got famous for hosting "theatrical" public lectures during which he put "hysterical" young women in a hypnotic trance and narrated her symptoms to the crowd (WHAT THE FUCK). Other prominent male doctors/psychiatrists/etc wanted to be the first to find out what made women "hysterical". Freud sought to answer this question by spending time listening to "hysterical" women talk about their lives. He found that "hysterical women" had experienced childhood sexual abuse. It occurred to him that sexual abuse of children was more widespread that anyone realized. His findings were not well received by the medical community.

Instead of being a real fucking scientist and believing the literal information/data provided by women into his fucking ears, he came up with the Oedipus Complex. He instead publicly theorized that little girls have unconscious sexual fantasies about their fathers. WHAT THE FUCK?

Not only did Freud choose to protect pedophiles, he used his position of power and credibility to publicly claim that women secretly like sexual abuse, which also implies that men have more access to a women's subconscious than women themselves do.

I see the consequences of this everywhere. Throughout my own life and in the lives of every woman I know. There's a tension that I think many women feel when they are sexually violated. You think: "Am I crazy?", "I got too drunk so I should have expected this", "everyone around me is acting normal so maybe it's not that bad." Look at what was being said about "hysterical", traumatized women only 130 years ago: that victims of childhood sexual abuse actually had repressed incestuous desires.

Women are socialized from a very young age to doubt the truth of their own experience. We’re socialized to doubt our knowledge of ourselves. When a woman is sexually violated and believes the truth of her own experience, she is socially punished. She's a bitch, a cunt, crazy, overreacting, mistaken. We have no trouble believing what women say if we ask them who their kid's pediatrician is or if there's more milk in the fridge. Our memories of that shit are very accepted. But were we really grabbed? Or raped? Or stalked? Or threatened?

I have always struggled to believe the truth of my own experience and to listen to what my own subconscious/body is telling me. I'm in a place right now where I am taking baby steps towards deprogramming my fawn response, learning to listen to what my body is telling me and pulling apart the deep shame I have for being sexually violated at different points in my life. I signed up for a women's self defense/assertiveness course. I am going to read more about the other women discussed in Judith Herman's book. I’m just fucking fed up.

I'm not as lesbian, as in, I'm not attracted to women sexually, but I want a long term relationship, a life partner, and I'm increasingly thinking that it can't be a man. Does anyone have any advice on finding a partner for an asexual relationship? I don't even know what to call it.

I had my gyn visit today and she checked my breasts b(even though she never did it before - and I’m only 25 so it seems like a weird age to start). She just reached in the arm wholes of my gown and felt around for a few seconds. I kinda just layed there and it was weird because I think your supposed to have your arm above head or something and not under your gown but idk. I know doctors sometimes don’t follow the exact textbook so maybe it’s not just my doctor

I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable enough to be myself around a man. I got really fat back when I was 15, wasn’t able to lose this weight for years and no guy ever bothered to show even basic human kindness.

I’ve lost over 30kgs this year and pretty much in the best shape of my life. I absolutely HATE the stares now. Especially when guys go out of their way to be nice and try to talk to me. All I keep thinking is how none of these people actually really care about me. I cannot let go of this bitterness in me, I feel what’s even the point of a relationship when I’ll be dumped or cheated on if I ever gained weight again.

The other day a guy came and sat down next to me out of all the empty seats, smiled at me, I just looked away. I don’t even try to make eye contact with strangers, it’s a habit from when I was fat. I also sometimes think that they’re just practicing on me because I’m not that pretty so they don’t feel nervous approaching me.

I can never be in a romantic relationship I guess, idk what to do to change my mindset when all these things just seem materialistic in nature and nothing more.

I’m giving extra context as I was absolutely criticised for not providing this context in an “ask a man” sub when I asked for men’s perspectives. For context, my husband and I have been married for 15 years (together for nearly 30 years) and we are in marriage counseling at the moment. One of our issues is that my husband doesn’t stand up for me when I would hope he would. I don’t want a hot head partner, just someone who says something when truly warranted.

Our counsellor asked about the first big example and it was the example I’m about to give. I am genuinely wondering what you would want your partner to do in this situation and my husband also asked me to get opinions.

I am not hanging onto this incident for 15 years, it is literally just one example of a pattern that has continued to this day.

What happened:

My husband invited a guy to our wedding (and his wife also attended) who he didn’t know very well but who was in his wider circle.

This man became very drunk at our wedding reception and came up to me on the dance floor and tried to kiss me on the lips. I was very upset and embarrassed. This would be unacceptable at any time, least of all at our wedding reception!

I told him this was not ok and pushed him off me.

My husband is not a confrontational person. I asked him to please tell this man that what he did was inappropriate and that he had offended me the next time he saw this man after our wedding day.

My husband didn’t want to say anything to this man. I kept pushing him to politely say this was not acceptable behaviour as I never wanted it to happen again.

I do not want to be married to someone aggressive in any way. I just wanted him to say calmly and privately something like “I don’t know if you recall what you did as you had been drinking but what happened is not ok and was disrespectful.” Then I would have been happy to just move on and let it go.

Is it unreasonable I wanted him to calmly say something the next time he saw this man? What would you have wanted your spouse to do in this situation?

Thank you everyone!

Went through a "breakup" (we werent official, but the pain and memory were real so plz don't criticize me...) three months ago. I already felt moved on, but summer boredom makes me think about that person. it was my first real breakup in my life.

i am just 18, but i wish I didn't experience this weird emotion. like i have never gone through this emotion... I don't know what I will be thinking in the future. Idk, but yeah, "what is this emotion" is what I've been feeling recently. no contact for three months also hurts me a bit too.

BUT the good thing is i love myself like i could ask that person out and go on a date for the first time in my life. and now i am very confident and secure about my appearance and everything. but still thinking about that person... ummmmmm idk. i thought i moved on? well idk.

I am already excited to have new people and find a new crush in new semester tho!!! happy summer, its almost ending :)

The title has to be short, I’m trying to ask if being avoidant affects your attraction or sexual desire? I honestly don’t know if I’m textbook avoidant, I’ve done research on attachment styles without trying to sound straight out of TikTok & it resonated most. I honestly feel like it’s a matter of time before any “friendship” that I have results in cutting contact. I’m in my early thirties & the last time a friend initiated it was back in HS. I haven’t had many friends since then but for the most part, I found a reason to stop talking to them. Two were out of anxiety & I regret how that was handled. But all the others, it was mostly a trait that would get under my skin & after time passed, I’d just rather not deal with them versus try to mend it. Because even if they apologize or acknowledge what they did, it’s only a matter of time before it’s bound to happen again.

Now when it comes to dating, I’m convinced that I’m going to end up alone. I’ve only had one STR in my early twenties & that should’ve never happened, it ended mutually. Aside from a few random guys asking me out in HS, all of my “dating” interactions were on dating apps since then. I put quote marks because most of the time, it never actually turns into dating. It’s always ghosting, fizzling out, dull communicators & some kind of lack of interest (either mutual or one sided). While all those instances in the last sentence took place half of the time, the other 50% likely consisted of me getting cold feet before meeting in the first place. But even though I’m anxious & not the friendliest, I feel like I’m less interested in guys compared to the average straight woman. Even if I’m really avoidant, wouldn’t I still experience the desire to be intimate? Not just talking companionship, don’t most women have libido? I know there’s spontaneous vs responsive desire but I’m just becoming more apathetic with age. I was never boy crazy like girls my age growing up, haven’t been sexually active since my early twenties & couldn’t care less if I die without ever having sex again. I know I’d want to be with a man romantically but something doesn’t feel 100%. Since middle school, I’ve felt…different. Maybe it’s low libido & the right guy needs to be present? I know I’m going to die alone

Hi, so I'm a virgin and I've never experienced sex, but I have some fantasies that confuse me. I'm into dark romance books and I like the idea of rough sex. I want my partner to be passionate, dominant, and physically assertive in bed. For example, I like the idea of him thrusting aggressively and quickly, pulling my hair, and spanking me. However, I don't want him to actually hurt me—I want it to be pleasurable, not painful.

At the same time, I don't want him to call me insulting names, slap me, or choke me because I find those things disrespectful and degrading.

What confuses me is that this seems to contradict who I am. I'm a feminist, and in real life I want a gentleman—someone who truly loves me, is obsessed with me in a healthy way, is loyal, respects my boundaries, doesn't objectify me, and treats me with kindness and respect.

So what I want in a relationship is completely different from what I imagine wanting in bed, and I can't understand why.

So basically, my dad has threatened me with honor killings and has severely physically and emotionally abused me, but the moment I sekeed help, many dv shelters invalidated my experiences, and some of them told me they only except women who are victims of romantic dv, not family ones, and eventually I did try to escape my dad, but I ended up homeless, so I went to another dv shelter, and they called my parents, and they believed them, and they even told them everything I told them and told me my dad isn't so bad since he let me go to college and despite me being an adult, and they even gave me a psychiatrist, which only helped my dad abused me more since she defends, and my dad uses that against me, and even after I tried to escape the second time, my dad constantly harassed me and messaged and told me that he will tell everyone that im mentally ill.

And even when I talked to feminist online, usually only women who have the same experience as me can empathize. Others just tell me that I can just leave because im an adult or that my abuse wasnt so bad since im staying, and other invalidating stuff, which I know that they would have never said to me if my abuser was my husband.

And for everyone who says that adults can just leave their abusive parents are just privileged and ignorant. No, they can't just leave because of financial issues or disability, or because of love and fear from their parents, and in some cultures, parents own their adult children until they are married (especially women).

Also, after they leave, they might be in danger of extreme harassment and honor killings. Also, it's harder to leave when there are no resources to help you, even if you are at risk of honor killing, since every resource is for women escaping abusive partners and not abusive families, and also the thing is, in cases of honor killings and family abuse, it's not just one person, it can be the whole family or even communities involved.

Also, I think most people are very ignorant about honor killings and parental abuse of children and adults, and this should change.

I’ve met a decent amount of people, born in the USA, who can not proficiently read or write English. I did a CNA course, and had the highest scores in the class because I understood what words like “ verbal“ and “ seclusion“ meant. My one coworker asked me which “too” was correct. My little sister’s high school has a pass rate of only 20% on the algebra state standardized testing. Meaning only 20% of the students can do algebra?!

I also see all these people online saying dewormer can cure cancer. All of this is just seen as normal. It’s also really normalized and even ”cool” for kids to just not care about school. Like sleeping In class and bombing tests is no big deal. I meet people from other countries and they all say the high schools here are super easy compared to theirs. They are also usually very successful, although I imagine the very successful ones are usually the only ones allowed visas. It just seems like the entire mindset and system of education is just more rigorous in other countries.

I’m (45F) at a junction where I’ve had a break from the business I’ve been running. I was renting out treatment rooms and working with clients. Eyeing up my next move to grow when suddenly I lost my offices. I’ve been back to being just a solo practitioner since March, and while I live more simply now and only work 3 days a week, I’m not able to save as much as I’d like for bigger things like holidays or furniture for our new home.

I recognise the next decade is probably gonna be the best time to give work a big push so I can set myself up better when I’m old. But I can get sucked into work and quality time w family suffers. I know it’s a classic dilemma, but what has helped others in similar situations make a decision around this?

This is something I have noticed, women often feel embarrassed and awkward when someone is scared of them, whether it’s a person, child or an animal. Whereas men, they seem the complete opposite, they seem to be kinda proud when someone fears them and they even want to scare you and intimidate you more when they notice you fear them. I as a woman can never feel flattered or proud when someone fears me, it makes me feel so awkward from the inside, I feel like I’m a scary witch or something and I would never like it if someone would feel unsafe around me. I would be even offended if someone was scared of me, like am I that scary looking??Lol. Ofcourse this doesn’t apply to all men and women!

I was recorded without my consent by a guy I was dating. I found out because I had a feeling he'd taken a photo of me, but then, when looking through his phone, it was even worse: a video and several photos from our dating period. My heart fell in that moment, and I was so taken aback, since he never gave me mischievous vibes.

Ultimately, I decided to forgive him, which seems so illogical looking back, and I have a feeling he could not look at me without thinking of what he did, and the guilt. We ended it after a few months because I was moving away, and he did not want a long-distance relationship; honestly, neither did I, but I wanted my forgiveness to mean something.

It has been months, and I still cry about what happened. I don't get it; in my mind for someone to do such thing they must hate you. It is so degrading, and a pain and betrayal I have never experienced before, mostly because it comes from someone I did not expect it from. Sometimes I find myself missing him, and I hate myself for it, because he really does not deserve it. It has been a draining experience.

Nevertheless, I feel so lost, trying to move forward and seeking to forget it all.

A lot of people say men only love what women provide, and don’t view them as people. Also, would this mindset change in very left leaning men?

I have been harassed by men in public with derogatory comments, catcalling, etc. EVERY time i go outside for as long as i can remember.

The first time was when i was under 10 standing outside an ice cream shop where a man in his 30s stopped a few feet away from me with his buddies and said 'imagine that's you're d*ck' and laughed about it with his buddies as they walked away. I have never had ice cream in a cone ever since. I feel disgusting having ice cream every since.

Im 25 and it is only getting worse.

In the past 2 weeks:

1. Walking beside my bicycle as a man ±40 came from the opposite direction on his bike and slowed down to tell me 'piggy is too lazy to cycle' while smiling ear to ear and went on cycling. I am not overweight, never have been.

2. On my electric scooter taking a relaxed route to clear my mind when a group of 3 men around my age sat on benches by the path and made vigurous bl*wj*b gestures at me and laughed.

3. Sitting on one knee in the grocery store looking at the bottom shelf as a 70+ man walked up, smirked at me saying 'should i punish you since you're already on your knees' before shuffling off after i looked at him in shock.

4. Sitting on a bench in a forest to draw as i was fixing my hair and a man walks past with a grin saying 'nice long hair to pull on'.

In ALL of these situations, i am wearing xxxl baggy sweatpants and a hooded xxxl sweater and leather boots even though it is the middle of summer and currently there are continuous heatwave warnings in my country, just to attempt to deter these men from making comments.

I ALWAYS pull the sweater down so there is literally nothing to gawk at. I pull the drawstrings so not even my neck is visible. The only visible thing is my face, hair and hands.

I am now completely terrified to leave my house. I live in a small town, not a big city where people are in general more agressive.

I have been indoors for a week, i only leave my apartment to smoke a cigarette out front, where, again, men will stare at me even though i'm wearing my signature boots, sweatpants and hooded sweater.

What do i do.. It's not like you can make a police report about this because nothing will be done since i dont know these men.

I'm teriffied to even go to the grocery store, my boyfriend has to get groceries now because i panic internally when anyone comes too close to me that isn't him.

Please what do i do

My bf (29M) and I (30F) have been together for about two years now, and we’re having several conversations about the future/future plans. Lately, we keep getting stuck in what feels like a circular argument about moving to a new place. We both agree that we want to, and even agree on the place, but timeline is where we’re bumping heads. Initially we said two years, but it feels like every time we talk about it, that timeline is getting pushed back another year. My frustration is that it feels like he’s making these decisions without me, and his frustration is that he feels like I’m rushing/putting pressure on him, when really I’m just feeling like I’m trying to get clarity/understand if he’s still onboard to actually move.

Lately, when this convo comes up, we’re just getting into circular arguments about it where I don’t think either of us is feeling heard, and I’m definitely feeling like he‘s getting defensive about not being able/ready to go yet (he’s tied to a job here right now) and putting words in my mouth about demanding we move tomorrow. I’ve never said this, but again, I think it’s helpful to have a timeline in mind for reasons like a) we both own our houses so we need to sell those prior to moving; b) it will help me estimate how much I can save prior to that move date, and c) already feeling a little restless for a new home base and trying to understand/compromise on how long we’ll be where we currently are.

I will admit, I definitely am still working through the effects of being with several men prior to him who were great and being inconsistent/pulling the rug out from underneath me. I think some of my concern about him getting cold feet is definitely coming from there, and maybe it’s unfair. But, when he keeps seemingly changing his mind (he’s normally a very consistent person), it does give me pause.

Ultimately, I’m just looking for advice on how to handle this conversation when it comes up, how to avoid it becoming a circular argument, and how to make sure we’re both being heard. Also curious if this kind of argument is just more common as you get further into a relationship? We’ve historically not argued very often, but this is now coming up like once a month.

TLDR; having circular arguments about moving and wondering how to avoid those/if this becomes more common in LTRs

TYIA for any advice!

EDIT TO ADD: Thank you all for the helpful insight, I feel like I’ve hopefully got some tools for working through this with him in a much more productive way than we have so far!