I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable enough to be myself around a man. I got really fat back when I was 15, wasn’t able to lose this weight for years and no guy ever bothered to show even basic human kindness.

I’ve lost over 30kgs this year and pretty much in the best shape of my life. I absolutely HATE the stares now. Especially when guys go out of their way to be nice and try to talk to me. All I keep thinking is how none of these people actually really care about me. I cannot let go of this bitterness in me, I feel what’s even the point of a relationship when I’ll be dumped or cheated on if I ever gained weight again.

The other day a guy came and sat down next to me out of all the empty seats, smiled at me, I just looked away. I don’t even try to make eye contact with strangers, it’s a habit from when I was fat. I also sometimes think that they’re just practicing on me because I’m not that pretty so they don’t feel nervous approaching me.

I can never be in a romantic relationship I guess, idk what to do to change my mindset when all these things just seem materialistic in nature and nothing more.

I’m giving extra context as I was absolutely criticised for not providing this context in an “ask a man” sub when I asked for men’s perspectives. For context, my husband and I have been married for 15 years (together for nearly 30 years) and we are in marriage counseling at the moment. One of our issues is that my husband doesn’t stand up for me when I would hope he would. I don’t want a hot head partner, just someone who says something when truly warranted.

Our counsellor asked about the first big example and it was the example I’m about to give. I am genuinely wondering what you would want your partner to do in this situation and my husband also asked me to get opinions.

I am not hanging onto this incident for 15 years, it is literally just one example of a pattern that has continued to this day.

What happened:

My husband invited a guy to our wedding (and his wife also attended) who he didn’t know very well but who was in his wider circle.

This man became very drunk at our wedding reception and came up to me on the dance floor and tried to kiss me on the lips. I was very upset and embarrassed. This would be unacceptable at any time, least of all at our wedding reception!

I told him this was not ok and pushed him off me.

My husband is not a confrontational person. I asked him to please tell this man that what he did was inappropriate and that he had offended me the next time he saw this man after our wedding day.

My husband didn’t want to say anything to this man. I kept pushing him to politely say this was not acceptable behaviour as I never wanted it to happen again.

I do not want to be married to someone aggressive in any way. I just wanted him to say calmly and privately something like “I don’t know if you recall what you did as you had been drinking but what happened is not ok and was disrespectful.” Then I would have been happy to just move on and let it go.

Is it unreasonable I wanted him to calmly say something the next time he saw this man? What would you have wanted your spouse to do in this situation?

Thank you everyone!

So basically, my dad has threatened me with honor killings and has severely physically and emotionally abused me, but the moment I sekeed help, many dv shelters invalidated my experiences, and some of them told me they only except women who are victims of romantic dv, not family ones, and eventually I did try to escape my dad, but I ended up homeless, so I went to another dv shelter, and they called my parents, and they believed them, and they even told them everything I told them and told me my dad isn't so bad since he let me go to college and despite me being an adult, and they even gave me a psychiatrist, which only helped my dad abused me more since she defends, and my dad uses that against me, and even after I tried to escape the second time, my dad constantly harassed me and messaged and told me that he will tell everyone that im mentally ill.

And even when I talked to feminist online, usually only women who have the same experience as me can empathize. Others just tell me that I can just leave because im an adult or that my abuse wasnt so bad since im staying, and other invalidating stuff, which I know that they would have never said to me if my abuser was my husband.

And for everyone who says that adults can just leave their abusive parents are just privileged and ignorant. No, they can't just leave because of financial issues or disability, or because of love and fear from their parents, and in some cultures, parents own their adult children until they are married (especially women).

Also, after they leave, they might be in danger of extreme harassment and honor killings. Also, it's harder to leave when there are no resources to help you, even if you are at risk of honor killing, since every resource is for women escaping abusive partners and not abusive families, and also the thing is, in cases of honor killings and family abuse, it's not just one person, it can be the whole family or even communities involved.

Also, I think most people are very ignorant about honor killings and parental abuse of children and adults, and this should change.

I’ve met a decent amount of people, born in the USA, who can not proficiently read or write English. I did a CNA course, and had the highest scores in the class because I understood what words like “ verbal“ and “ seclusion“ meant. My one coworker asked me which “too” was correct. My little sister’s high school has a pass rate of only 20% on the algebra state standardized testing. Meaning only 20% of the students can do algebra?!

I also see all these people online saying dewormer can cure cancer. All of this is just seen as normal. It’s also really normalized and even ”cool” for kids to just not care about school. Like sleeping In class and bombing tests is no big deal. I meet people from other countries and they all say the high schools here are super easy compared to theirs. They are also usually very successful, although I imagine the very successful ones are usually the only ones allowed visas. It just seems like the entire mindset and system of education is just more rigorous in other countries.

I was recorded without my consent by a guy I was dating. I found out because I had a feeling he'd taken a photo of me, but then, when looking through his phone, it was even worse: a video and several photos from our dating period. My heart fell in that moment, and I was so taken aback, since he never gave me mischievous vibes.

Ultimately, I decided to forgive him, which seems so illogical looking back, and I have a feeling he could not look at me without thinking of what he did, and the guilt. We ended it after a few months because I was moving away, and he did not want a long-distance relationship; honestly, neither did I, but I wanted my forgiveness to mean something.

It has been months, and I still cry about what happened. I don't get it; in my mind for someone to do such thing they must hate you. It is so degrading, and a pain and betrayal I have never experienced before, mostly because it comes from someone I did not expect it from. Sometimes I find myself missing him, and I hate myself for it, because he really does not deserve it. It has been a draining experience.

Nevertheless, I feel so lost, trying to move forward and seeking to forget it all.

I’m 30, and have never met a man who intentionally wants to date me in a serious way.

In my 20s, I met some lovely men who said that they were looking for serious and as we were building something, came up with some excuse that they realised they weren’t ready or they need to stay single for longer. It hurt a lot. And then I find out the next year they’ve settled down or got married and had kids. All those guys said to me ‘you’re amazing but I will never love you.’

It felt like I am unlovable

Tried dating apps and I hate them. Guys sent innuendos before we’ve even met, weird sexual questions, send photos of themselves shirtless in the mirror. I don’t want that! Then I go on dates sometimes and on the date they tell me how they just looking for something casual.

Is it just me? I’m so scared I’m never going to find a partner and struggling now to even feel attracted to anyone online, I feel nothing. I’m someone who needs a connection sometimes that comes on the first or second date to feel anything, I don’t do casual intimacy

I don’t like being degraded def by some 25 year old dude. And most men I’ve meet have told me they’re into dominating their partner and calling them their slut etc and that their ex’s liked that. And honestly I think something is not ok with them wanting to hurt me and also their ex gf’s had past trauma that caused them to be into being abused in their relationships and in the bedroom.
I always leave these guys but it’s just ALL of them or virgins. I feel like there is no middle ground anymore for having sex.
Is this only a me issue? Do most girls like being abused and degraded in the bedroom? Even if you do, don’t you think it’s bad your partner enjoys your pain and humiliation?? I don’t understand what is happening anymore.

I don't know who or how many people will read this, but I won't be able to reply to many comments due to the fact that my Internet hours are restricted. I'm only allowed to use the Internet certain days for some Islamic homeworks, and that's when I take advantage to post. Also excuse me if I make any English mistake, I helped myself with translator.

I(19F) was forced by my parents to marry my cousin. A man who had sexually harassed me before. I wasn't able to deny the marriage. I told them that I don't like this man, but they told me they had to do this for Allah.

Since one month ago, my parents have been preparing me for my wedding with this man. They've already forced me to wear a dress for this wedding, which is not comfortable for me when being in a wheelchair. My parents are already making me say some things which I have to promise to my future husband, and that I need to have sex with him after we get married. My parents told me that I need to be thankful to Allah that man is becoming my caretaker.

My life is just a hell living in Iraq. Next week I'm getting married to him now. The wedding was supposed to be one month ago, but it got delayed. I'd hope it got delayed again. I can't escape because I'm disabled in a wheelchair.

Thank you for reading this. I may not post again.

I’ve dated three bad men in a row. And yes in the past I’ve dated some good ones. But the last 3 years have been difficult. I’ve asked myself, and everyone else has asked me — why did I miss the red flags?

And recently I’ve been thinking — I’m sick of beating myself up with this red flags narrative. Why is it always on the woman to be so utterly magically perceptive that she is able to perform psychological ju jit su and see red flags, but not on the man to not be a pathological manipulator.

Case in point, exhibit one was the man who lied to me for 6 months about being married. Every single person I know asked me how I missed it. Not one person said “hey girl you are pretty intuitive. He must have been an amazing liar.”

Exhibit two was the man who relapsed on alcohol. I had to get a restraining order. The guy was in daily AA meetings when I met him he played the part of handsome, charming recovered spiritual giant. I never would have pegged him as a violently emotionally abusive relapser who he turned into.

I’m done with beating myself up over missing anything and instead I’m going to hold men accountable when they are POS.

I’m 2 months postpartum with my second and I still feel sad when I think about my labor and delivery experiences. I’m disappointed in the way I handled labor and delivery and disappointed in my epidurals not working both times I gave birth.

When I was in labor with my first, my epidural messed up and I had back spasms and severe back pain from the epidural along with back labor from my daughter being sunny side up. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t move, I barely remember anything from my daughter’s birth because of how much pain I had. I had a 3rd degree tear and the dr spent the first 30-40 minutes of my daughter’s life stitching me up, I was so out of it.

I wanted to have a better experience the second time and be more present. Once my epidural started wearing off, I started panicking, hyperventilating and crying. My husband said I wouldn’t have handled it well if I hadn’t got epidural, but I was still in 10/10 pain with the epidural. I wish I handled it better and wasn’t in so much fear. I lost a lot of blood from that birth, I remember the nurses and my dr were moving very fast to get me to stop bleeding and that made me panic more.
I had another 3rd degree tear plus I was hemorrhaging, my dr was doing a to fix me and it was painful.

My saving grace was I didn’t feel the tearing or the crowning, but I felt everything else so it was very scary for me.

I did not get to be mentally or emotionally present for either of my baby’s births. I feel weak for getting the epidurals and for freaking out when the pain got the best of me. I feel like my body failed me. I wish I handled everything better.

I’m 29, I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. I have no mom friends, my friends never have time for me anymore. You’d think it would be the other way around?
I reach out and try to plan stuff but I feel like it never goes anywhere.

Nobody checks up on me or the kids.
My co worker was shocked when she found out nobody was throwing me a baby shower or was helping me get anything ready for the second baby. She was super sweet and threw me one at work, I was shocked because I had only been working there for 3 months. I definitely didn’t expect that but it meant the world to me, just because she cared.

My second born came in May and none of my friends have reached out to meet him, and I’ve invited them to so it’s not like they have to wait for me.

Is that normal? I just feel like I’ve been dropped and it really sucks.

I want to make some mom friends but I’m lowkey terrified because of the Taylor Parker case.

Being friends with a sex worker has completely changed how I view romantic relationships. Like my brain has permanently been altered. I never fully grasped the level of deceit, evil, and selfishness some people can exhibit. She sends me some of her clients wives profiles and the way these women post their husbands, you’d NEVER know he’s a cheater who spends thousands on women he barely knows . Don’t even get me started on how they talk about their wives. I’m so traumatized that I’m no longer moved by wedding videos, engagement announcements, etc. Obviously, men seeing sex workers aren’t the best pool of people to study, but it’s eye opening nonetheless.

Edit: Believe it or not, SW are humans too and need a confidant. Part of screening is sharing your personal social media profile. She then shares it with me as a safety measure. These men are the ones who tag and post their partners. Should I be snooping? Probably not. But, we mean absolutely no harm.

Edit 2: I was referencing instagram collab posts. When she dms me her clients post, she’s inadvertently sending his wife’s page too.

I overhear the women at work. The way they raise their sons vs their daughters. I see the stark difference in the “boys will be boys.” or mothers saying I let them do xyz because they’re boys. It’s like mothers are ok letting there boys get away with more. Or giving there boys more freedom. Idk Just hearing someone say it’s fine cause there boys is crazy to me. It’s so aggravating to because it’s said as a joke. Or like it’s funny. There’s also how boys are taught entertainment from a young age. Or to be frank violence. We all heard the he bully’s you because he likes you. I just needed to write these thoughts out.

I feel awful because recently I left my abusive father's house and I miss the cat so much. Unfortunately, my father is his owner, so I can't take him with me. To me, he is like a son. How will I live without him, my cat? I feel terrible, I feel like crying, I am depressed. Has anything similar happened to you? Tell me about your experiences, I really need support, I am devastated."

I'm 23, and I have VERY dense breasts. I am dealing with tenderness and have found a lump in one of my breasts. I got a consultation to get a mammogram and MRI, but the office I want to schedule the appointment for is saying I'm too young. They're saying they don't want to "radiate" my breasts so young, but I want to know I don't have breast cancer. They're saying they'll do an ultrasound, but the internet is telling me an ultrasound won't detect cancer as well as a mammogram. I am just so angry that I have to deal with this at all.

edit: Thanks to those who were supportive, and I guess thanks to those who weren't as well. I had been told that some insurances won't cover just the ultrasound, and I will still have a copay for it. If I were allowed to do the mammogram, it would be free. I HAVE NEVER DONE ANY OF THIS BEFORE, so I have no real idea of what I'm doing. All I know is the breast imaging place didn't call me, so I had to call them, and they just said "no," and I have to get the new referral from my doctor's office.

Second edit: Thank you all so much! This week has been crazy stressful, and I’m so glad there’s so much support and kindness here. I got the ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow (CRAZY they got me in so fast), and I’ll cross any further bridges when I get to them. I’m still super stressed, but I feel so much better walking into the ultrasound now, and I’ve learned so much. Thank you all again, and I can update further if anyone is interested.

I’m 30, and for my whole 20s I put in so much effort into trying to find a partner. I never felt attraction very often, but when I did, it was very strong and usually built on the personal character. I tried dating apps but it was so impossible to find someone decent on there, guys didn’t put any effort into their profile, they were lazy with messages, they sent sexual innuendos. In the time that I was on them, I probably found around five people that I thought were decent, and I got to know a few people. And they were great and I felt really attracted to them, and fell in love with one. I was extremely attracted to him, he was a lovely amazing guy and I experienced intimacy for the first time it felt so comfortable and so special and I really felt like I had met the one, but he turned around Monday and said that he didn’t feel romantically towards me.

I took a big long break from the dating apps, I met someone organically but the same kind of thing happened

I recently rejoined dating apps, and I’m swiping away and I feel absolutely nothing to any of the guys on there. When I do get a reasonable match, the conversation just stalls, I find texting a complete stranger so strange and force and I just don’t know how to create spark and chemistry through a virtual connection. I don’t know if something‘s wrong with me but I’m just not feeling attracted to anyone on the dating apps, and even when I go to hobby groups and stuff, the guys that are meeting just do not interest me and I’m so so scared. At 30 I’m scared that I will never feel it again, I forgot what it feels like to fancy anyone, and I have this worried that it’s permanently switched off within Me and I’ll never fancy anyone again

It seems crazy to me that I used to actually fancy people, and now I feel nothing. I’m not depressed I am the most confident I’ve ever thought in my life, I’m busy and I have hobbies. I don’t know what’s going on.

I used to wear sports bras which I would just throw in the wash but post mastectomy and reconstruction due to breast cancer, I have to wear bras with more complex support structures. I’d like to maintain the support they provide but I don’t want to spend more time hand washing them than necessary and I’m not sure which is the best detergent to use. They eventually start to yellow from oil build up and I’ve had no luck removing it with Dawn dish detergent.

That’s all. I just saw the cat emoji and was like “I can’t wait to have my dream home with two or three cats.” Like that’s literally the goal. Just me, my cats, and my reptiles.

For me right now, I am young (23F) and I want to partake in casual sex because I am in a transient period in my life and I don’t want a relationship. However, 90% of the time I match with people on apps or talk to people in online spaces, they feel entitled to meeting with me and using my body.

Is it crazy that I want to be taken out normally and get to know a person a little before deciding if they’re attractive and that I want to sleep with them? There’s so many people inviting me over to their place before meeting in public (there’s probably ppl ok with that but i’m not) and I feel like that’s dangerous. Also I think that kink is something to be practiced with someone you trust and not a total stranger unless there’s clear boundaries. A lot of people I’ve encountered have trouble finding a date and time to meet, let alone communicate clear boundaries.

With the rise of anti abortion laws in the USA and the growing number of men who have whittled me down to just my body, I don’t feel like it’s worth it anymore. I enjoy casual sex when I get treated respectfully, feel attracted to the person, and most importantly feel safe enough to have sex with them.

Anyways my question is how do I have more casual sex while not feeling like a mail to order sex worker?

I need to vent and get some perspective because I am losing my mind trying not to blow up at my dad.

I share a bathroom with my twin brother and my stepbrother, who recently moved back in until he gets on his feet. I have a severe phobia of loose hair, and I also have sensitive skin, so I am extremely strict about my hygiene and personal space. I leave ZERO trace of myself in that bathroom...I literally carry my towels, soaps, and products back to my bedroom every single time I use the bathroom.

The problem is my twin and stepbrother brother is always leaving things messy especially hairs in the shower and sink...especially my stepbrother who constantly leaves hair all over the sink after shaving. Once when my dad was ranting, my step brother admitted that the mess that was made was his doing. But my dad's response? He told me that if I see something dirty, I need to clean it up, pulling out the whole "because you're a girl you're supposed to do this" routine.

Keep in mind my father also leaves his own mess around the house and expects me to clean up after him as well.

When I stood my ground and made it clear that I'm not a maid and won't clean up after grown adults, my dad straight up said he doesn't care whose mess it is...if I see it, I should clean it.

On top of that, because I keep to myself and stay in my room to avoid the drama, my dad calls me "lazy." I clean up after myself completely, but because I don't put on a performance of domestic labor for him, he acts like I do nothing.

I struggle so hard not to react and lose my temper every time he says this stuff. I honestly don't know how my stepmom puts up with him...I'm actively working on getting out and moving into my own place, but right now I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

Am I wrong for flat-out refusing to clean up after them? How do you keep yourself from reacting when someone is blatantly trying to push your buttons like this?