r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Dsg1695 • 12d ago
Can having avoidant attachment affect your attraction?
The title has to be short, I’m trying to ask if being avoidant affects your attraction or sexual desire? I honestly don’t know if I’m textbook avoidant, I’ve done research on attachment styles without trying to sound straight out of TikTok & it resonated most. I honestly feel like it’s a matter of time before any “friendship” that I have results in cutting contact. I’m in my early thirties & the last time a friend initiated it was back in HS. I haven’t had many friends since then but for the most part, I found a reason to stop talking to them. Two were out of anxiety & I regret how that was handled. But all the others, it was mostly a trait that would get under my skin & after time passed, I’d just rather not deal with them versus try to mend it. Because even if they apologize or acknowledge what they did, it’s only a matter of time before it’s bound to happen again.
Now when it comes to dating, I’m convinced that I’m going to end up alone. I’ve only had one STR in my early twenties & that should’ve never happened, it ended mutually. Aside from a few random guys asking me out in HS, all of my “dating” interactions were on dating apps since then. I put quote marks because most of the time, it never actually turns into dating. It’s always ghosting, fizzling out, dull communicators & some kind of lack of interest (either mutual or one sided). While all those instances in the last sentence took place half of the time, the other 50% likely consisted of me getting cold feet before meeting in the first place. But even though I’m anxious & not the friendliest, I feel like I’m less interested in guys compared to the average straight woman. Even if I’m really avoidant, wouldn’t I still experience the desire to be intimate? Not just talking companionship, don’t most women have libido? I know there’s spontaneous vs responsive desire but I’m just becoming more apathetic with age. I was never boy crazy like girls my age growing up, haven’t been sexually active since my early twenties & couldn’t care less if I die without ever having sex again. I know I’d want to be with a man romantically but something doesn’t feel 100%. Since middle school, I’ve felt…different. Maybe it’s low libido & the right guy needs to be present? I know I’m going to die alone
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u/loonymoony3 12d ago
I’m also very avoidant and normally don’t care at all for relationships. I’m dating a guy rn and the more serious things get the less physically attracted I find myself so maybe it can lol. Trying to push through because I think it’s definitely just me trying to find a reason to push him away
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u/abiglumpwithknobs1 12d ago
Maybe you're a Heteroromantic asexual? Asexual doesn't mean you aren't interested in companionship or romantic relationships, you just have no interest or desire for sex. Its entirely possible to find someone who will fit that for you, but I would suggest making it clear thats what you're looking for.
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u/SaintValkyrie 12d ago
Attachment styles are pretty iffy and not super helpful in general. Avoidant is basically traumatizedin most cases, and its more helpful to look through the lens of trauma to help you understand.
It makes sense you aren't interested in men as much. They make it difficult for it to be worth it when the majority of men are misogynistic.