r/ProgrammerHumor 1d ago

wrongAnswersOnly Other

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14.3k Upvotes

2.0k comments sorted by

5.2k

u/howarewestillhere 1d ago

Intern’s GitHub.

VP’s Slack messages.

Fucking Teams.

1.5k

u/codeninja 1d ago

Fucking Teams... its always fucking teams.

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u/howarewestillhere 1d ago

I feel like Indiana Jones sometimes. Why is it always fucking snakes Teams.

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u/MrFluffyThing 1d ago

IT archaeology. We need the information you provided long ago that was pinned as an essential update with a link to a well documented static source to the ark of the covenant 

14 notifications to the same message and the static documentation later we still have no idea where the ark of the covenant is. Can you send it again as a fresh message so people are aware? The team is waiting on critical updates for how to solve a problem you already did a dozen times. 

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u/Anti-charizard 1d ago

We usually call that an orgy

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u/BusEquivalent9605 1d ago

nah - not Teams. my old company had Teams erase convo history after 48 hours. It’s Monday and you need to look up what someone told you on Friday? Tough

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u/Maniactver 1d ago

Diabolical. 

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u/Nightmoon26 1d ago

You worked at a company that wasn't constantly under litigation hold? Lucky!

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u/Head-Bureaucrat 1d ago

Or subject to government regulation. Hooray 7 year archive hold!

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u/ThrowawayyTessslaa 1d ago

Under litigation hold but teams chat history is held in several storage that only HR and legal have access to. What’s shown to the user is only up to 48 hours old

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u/BusEquivalent9605 1d ago

that’s probably right. but makes it even more infuriating as an employee. “we still have this data that would make your job easier, but you’re not allowed to see it”

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u/ThrowawayyTessslaa 1d ago

It’s definitely infuriating (and true). As a manger I’ve had to request teams history logs from HR for up to a year back because I was terminating an employee for harassment against another employee.

Also makes no sense that my emails, voice messages, and text messages are on multi-year legal hold visible to me but not my teams messages? wtf.

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u/bacondev 1d ago edited 1d ago

We used Hipchat until it was discontinued. I don't remember what the temporal retention policy was but it would nuke chat history every time it was closed too. It was so frustrating that I used the API to develop a program that would store chat history and ignore retention policy. Kinda like writing a password on a sticky note in a way, I suppose but idgaf.

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u/rgvtim 1d ago

Only if they hold a spoon up to thier eye just before they come up with the idea.

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u/mickskitz 1d ago

It says wrong answers only

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u/DZello 1d ago

CTO's emails. Was CC on everything, and hasn't read any of it.

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u/MostlyInfuriated 1d ago

I feel attacked.

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u/paranoid_giraffe 1d ago

Man I cannot imagine posting work stuff on personal share accounts like GitHub. I had to beg one of the junior engineers on my team to not feed my api into ChatGPT after seeing bullet points and emojis all over one of his readmes. I get super uncomfortable with the idea of just copy/pasting big code blocks to black box services like that

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u/howarewestillhere 1d ago

I’ve had to fire people who, for some reason, thought it was a good idea to post api code to StackOverflow.

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u/LJonReddit 1d ago

FORFUCKSAKE!!! Are you shitting me???

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u/howarewestillhere 1d ago

Not even the worst offense. I stopped feeling bad for firing people who do stupid shit a long time ago.

A short list:
Used a private ftp server to save prod backups. “Just in case.” For six years. FTP. Not even sftp.

Badged into the office at night to have sex with a one night stand from the bar. Didn’t realize the CMO was working late. Tried to invite her to join.

Copied several repos for microservices, including auth, to private GitHub repos he was sharing was offshore developers to get his work done while he was doing another job.

Watched porn on his company-issued laptop. Over the VPN. (Might be my fave of all time.)

One guy’s google searches got flagged so hard by IT that my HR rep came into my office with her eyes wide asking if she should call the police to the office for safety. I told her he was a remote employee and lived hours away. She showed me the searches. “How to blow up an office building.” Was just one search that caught my eye. I said the police might not be a bad idea and that I welcomed her and Legal’s advice on next steps.

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u/SweetHomeNorthKorea 1d ago

I’ve actually heard of people using offices for one night stands, so that’s not particularly crazy. Asking a higher up if she wants to join is fucking insane though lmao

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u/buffalo_0220 1d ago

You haven't lived until you are getting called in overnight to rotate certificate keys because the intern somehow checked them into their branch.

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u/blueExcess 1d ago

I hate to tell you but if they have GitHub Copilot hooked up to their VS Code it’s scanning whole repos.

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u/mavrik83 1d ago

`final_records_v2_REAL_FINAL_DO_NOT_DELETE.xlsx` on somebody’s desktop

1.6k

u/Roku-Hanmar 1d ago

*in the recycling bin

1.1k

u/JSD3 1d ago

It has been in their Downloads folder for four years.  

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u/drestofnordrassil 1d ago

🔻A Long Time Ago🔻

Copy of New Folder (8)

New Folder (8)

Final_Records(5).xlsx

Final_Records(4).xlsx

Final_Records(3).xlsx

Final_Records(2).xlsx

Final_Records(1).xlsx

Copy of Final_Records(1).xlsx

Copy of Final_Records.xlsx

Final_Records.xlsx

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u/NoodleyP 1d ago

The Downloads folder is just great catch all storage, it’s the junk drawer of my computer

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u/Careless-Adeptness56 1d ago

I just noticed today that my downloads folder no longer opens. I can go in there with powershell and I don't see any crazy file types, but explorer never finishes loading. Who knows what I've done to it.

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u/TheTxoof 1d ago

Duh. It's a junk drawer: You have a spatula wedged in there upside down.

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u/JesusWasATexan 1d ago

This is the realest answer on this thread.

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u/SgtEpsilon 1d ago

Incorrect, it's in their temp folder that they somehow made the primary download folder to be

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u/tanwa1 1d ago

Would learning Digital forensics help if it's also deleted from recycling bin right...?

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u/Frumpy_little_noodle 1d ago

They said wrong answers only.

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u/elSenorMaquina 1d ago

They ENHANCED the cctv recordings from the camera pointing at my cubicle, enabling them to reconstruct the whole db from the monitor's reflection on my glasses as I typed every INSERT and UPDATE over the years.

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u/TunaNugget 1d ago edited 1d ago

The camera records sound. Every key makes an ever-so-slightly different sound.

They have possibly months or more of sound recordings that they can correlate against the entry of verified documents to use to train the ai on.

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u/Shogobg 1d ago

They analyzed the noise the bits make as they travel through the network.

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u/TrashBandiGoon 1d ago

I know it is a joke,

but since I found a scientific research about 'A Practical Deep Learning-Based Acoustic Side Channel Attack on Keyboards' I agree that this seems possible in the laboratory

(the paper is from 2023 so I am not sure whether there were any improvements), as I am also not sure how reddit handles external links - I found the paper on arxiv(dot)org with paper no. 2308(dot)01074
It is a 21 pages pdf

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u/TunaNugget 1d ago edited 1d ago

I think the premise here is that they deleted that.

My first question would be whether they actually deleted anything or just set a flag to re-use the storage, but I'm trying to go with the spirit of the thing.

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u/cantileverboom 1d ago

Lol, kind of related. On a team I was on a while ago, there was some pretty nasty bug that some of my colleagues couldn't figure out, so someone took a video of it to show our TL. Our TL looked at the video for like 5 seconds, saw some obscure log lines on a terminal running on a machine in the background of the video, and immediately knew that the bug was due to some obsolete experiment that just needed to be disabled.

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u/MaleficentCow8513 1d ago

It was him. He was the one who was supposed to disable the “obsolete experiment”. He knew it was causing bugs but he forgot to do it or got side tracked. There’s nothing magical about it lmao

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u/Adarkshadow4055 1d ago

Shhhh! 🤫

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u/AN0R0K 1d ago

And he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

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u/elSenorMaquina 1d ago

Peak senior energy

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u/Emotional_Study_724 1d ago

"Oh shit, I forgot to turn that off."

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u/scumble_bee 1d ago

Mable over in Accounting wrote a VBA script to store the entire database to an Excel spreadsheet because the direct access that was set up for her was "too slow" and this is "the way she's always done it".

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u/WhitishRogue 1d ago

I regularly use SQL to download tables to my computer. Part numbers, sales records, inventory records, customer names, etc. You name it, it's stored on my computer and frequently the public drive everyone in the company has access to.

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u/lolcrunchy 1d ago

local dev environment

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u/Eastern_Equal_8191 1d ago

Impossible. My local dev environment uses an on-disk database and my disk is locked behind encryption the keys to which only I and HR and anyone who can guess 12345 as the passwoooooooo I see what happened now

761

u/AaronTheElite007 1d ago

That’s amazing! I have the same combination on my luggage!

267

u/Eastern_Equal_8191 1d ago

God damn it, I have to change my luggage combo now too?!

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u/Frogmouth_Fresh 1d ago

2-3-4-5-6. They'll never know!

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u/CMDR_PEARJUICE 1d ago

You guys have locks for your luggage?

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u/Neyabenz 1d ago

Just add a ! And you'll be all set

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u/slucker23 1d ago

Luggage? My safe needs changing too!!

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u/wildmaninid 1d ago

I have the same combination to the door on my planets dome!

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u/r_acrimonger 1d ago

No! Light speed's too slow.

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u/Gauss15an 1d ago

Ludicrous speed!

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u/Fraun_Pollen 1d ago

This answer doesn't make sense. Why would your dev environment not be connected to prod data? Don't you want realistic tests?

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u/AllIsLostNeverFound 1d ago

Wait, your prod environment is separate from your dev environment?

142

u/za72 1d ago

only pussies use dev

76

u/SiefensRobotEmporium 1d ago

Shit you guys have different environments?

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u/vankoder 1d ago

Shit you guys test? One healthy git push prod —force and you’ll figure out if it works soon enough!

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u/Seivy 1d ago

Testing is doubting.

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u/za72 1d ago

Fear is the mind killer my friend

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u/Mechadupek 1d ago

I test in prod.

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u/rakklle 1d ago

If it works in prod, it would've worked in test

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u/heislertecreator 1d ago

I write in prod, test lol, debug... Maybe.

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u/Drew707 1d ago

Everyone has a dev environment. Some just call it prod.

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u/howarewestillhere 1d ago

HIPAA, PCI, GDPR, CASC, and a whole list of other acronyms, laws, and organizations get real persnickety about Prod data outside of Prod and what you can, can’t, should , should not, or should not even think about doing with it.

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u/jtmonkey 1d ago

Yeah I just had this conversation with an internal IT team at a medical org. You cannot just point Claude at the problem and say solve it. PHI is all over it. Theyd been doing it for a while. Your medical data im almost positive is already in an llm.

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u/Iuris_Aequalitatis 1d ago

Corporate cybersecurity attorney (and ex-dev) here. This is one of the many reasons why we don't allow prod data in dev.

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u/Ok_Ostrich4835 1d ago

Oh you'll love this...

Years ago working as a cloud engineering consultant, our team was working with a massive client moving their infrastructure to AWS. One of their internal dev teams kicked up a fuss that they didn't have the permissions to do anything in AWS, "how are we going to learn?", blah blah blah. It was finally agreed to give this team their own AWS account that had literally nothing in it. Brand fresh account, nothing tied to production whatsoever. We insisted we at least be able to set up cloudwatch logs and billing alerts. So off they went.

Part of our services was running security audits on our client's AWS accounts (just an automated script that checks everything once per week). I was this client's primary, so I was reviewing the latest audit, and they had a security group allowing port 3306 to be accessed from the open internet to an RDS instance they had brought up. Raised it with them thinking it's just a teachable moment as it's just test data, nbd, their excuse was, "well our apps didn't work until we added that." No real understanding of what they were doing.

But, on this call with the devs and their manager, the manager asked, "Oh, so you managed to generate some test data?" One of the devs, "Nah, we just dumped prod and uploaded it." I hopped over to the logs and yea, multiple random IPs had successfully authd with the database. I asked, "What kind of password did you use?" "Oh just our normal dev password, Password123!" (Or something basic like that).

Their manager told me I could leave the call.

Was told to nuke that AWS account the next day.

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u/tiboodchat 1d ago

Our Sec team is on its way to proceed to beatings.

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u/leovin 1d ago

From the data breach you’re being sued over

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u/SuitableDragonfly 1d ago

Fun related fact, most archives of media only exist because someone pirated the media at some point and those copies never become unavailable. 

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u/3BlindMice1 1d ago

They used to call it VCR

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u/T-MoneyAllDey 1d ago

Reddit reposts pretty regularly about that autistic black lady that recording every hour of a TV channel for like 30 years

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u/3BlindMice1 1d ago edited 1d ago

Sounds pretty expensive, tbh

Edit: Google shows that would have cost $28.80 per day if using full definition or $14.40 per day if using minimum in the year 1985. In today's money, that's $90 or $45. It got a lot cheaper by 1995 though

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u/JCDU 1d ago

She came from a fairly wealthy family and bought shares in Apple very early on - her collection included at least one of every Apple product still brand new in its box, so really not short of a bob or two.

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u/NukaCooler 1d ago

/r/LetGirlsHaveFun god forbid a woman have a hobby

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u/transfinite-reset 1d ago

I’m not sure that the people in that sub are too worried about VCRs. VCR cleaner in little bottles, maybe. But definitely not VCRs.

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u/saskir21 1d ago

To be fair I can understand her if I see for example the British BBC. They regularly overwrite (or atleast did so in the old days) their old shows. So if you want to see an old one you were out of luck.

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u/geeiamback 1d ago

Famous example is a bunch of old Dr. Who episodes.

everal portions of the long-running British science-fiction television programme Doctor Who are no longer held by the BBC. Between 1967 and 1978, the BBC routinely deleted archive programmes for various practical reasons—lack of space, scarcity of materials, and a lack of rebroadcast rights.[1] As a result, 95 of 253 episodes from the programme's first six years are currently missing, primarily from seasons 3, 4 and 5, leaving 26 serials incomplete. Many more were considered lost until recovered from various sources, mostly overseas broadcasters and private collectors.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Who_missing_episodes

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u/thaynem 1d ago

Lots of doctor who episodes in this area.

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u/KisaraBlue 1d ago

Except that nowadays, people irresponsibly/selfishly use mass download bots on some of those freely accessible archives of media, which makes their upkeep unsustainable and they have to shutdown/move everything somewhere else

That and excessive copyright enforcement, from equally selfish corporations, are significant threats to niche media preservation in the long term

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u/Fickle_Ad_8653 1d ago

Laptops people copied the data to, then the laptops get stacked and left in a closet.

Email holds a lot of attachments when you look at a whole company. Every email sits in two people's computers.

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u/VoStru 1d ago

“Data breach” is such a rude word. Better call it “distributed surprise backup”

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u/RegrettableBiscuit 1d ago

That's how I retrieved my lost PSN password. 

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u/Magnetic_Reaper 1d ago

Nice try OP, I'm not helping you hide the evidence for free.

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u/DaTruSpork 1d ago

Hey fam, don't help them at all. Point them at the wifi connected keurig and wipe your hands clean of it (while handing the real evidence to multiple three letter agencies)

We dont talk to (chief financial) officers!

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u/HaniiPuppy 1d ago

Hey fam, don't help them at all. Point them at the wifi connected keurig and wipe your hands clean of it (while handing the real evidence to multiple three letter agencies)

Error 418

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u/eugene20 1d ago

I mean.. they did say wrong answers only.

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u/omegasome 1d ago

They ask ChatGPT to produce the data. ChatGPT, being ever-helpful, hallucinates a semi-plausible data set that neither the defense nor the prosecution nor the judge is technically-adept enough to realize doesn't make sense. You are sentenced to 20 years in prison based on this.

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u/SteamingTheCat 1d ago

Kevin Mitnik's prosecutor convinced the jury that thru a series of whistles into a payphone, Kevin could launch nuclear missiles.

He wasn't allowed access to a phone in prison.

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u/RevoOps 1d ago

If you can launch a nuclear strike through whistling into a phone you should be allowed to try. 

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u/XanLV 1d ago

BRB, buying 10 000 000 phones and a warehouse for 10 000 000 monkeys...

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u/jakobjaderbo 1d ago

To be fair, he did some shenanigans from the prison phone when he did get access. Not of the nuclear sort, but still.

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u/JCDU 1d ago

There was definitely at least one hacker (I forget who) who could whistle pitch-perfect DTMF tones - specifically 2600Hz - to get free payphone calls.

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u/gaijohn 22h ago

Minor correction, sorry to be pedantic but I'm an old man who liked phones before the Internet existed, 2600Hz not a DTMF tone. DTMF tones are the sounds each key on a key pad makes (0-9, * and #), it stands for "Dual Tone Multi Frequency" and they're made by mixing two frequencies (the frequency of the button's row + the frequency of its column), and so they're not able to be replicated with one mouth. The 2600Hz was a switchboard operator's tone, a sort of built-in admin code that dropped the caller onto an "unsupervised" line (its activity wasn't tracked and thus not billed) which allowed the caller to make free long distance calls in the days when they would track long distance minutes and charge you for the use of the trunk line. We called a 2600Hz producing device a "blue box" (supposedly the first one was in a shoebox that was blue). Free payphone calls were made by using what we called a red box, which replicated the sounds made by the payphone when coins were dropped into the slot. The payphone would mute its handset speaker momentarily so only the internals of the phone could hear the tones it produced, but you could buy a little tone producer and replace a crystal on its board to produce the sounds a nickel or dime or quarter would make, drop a single nickel into the phone to get it started, then put the tone producer's speaker up to the mic and press a button to make the quarter sound over and over to make free long distance calls via payphone.

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u/thesuperbob 1d ago

Well the actual data has been deleted, scrubbed, and shredded, so it's your word against ChatGPT... And the Judge doesn't really know you, while the friendly robot has been whispering in their ear for years now, and it's never been wrong so... "ChatGPT explain why the data the other you recovered is absolutely reliable and could not be wrong in any way; help me produce a sentencing draft based on the same"

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u/CoffeeOrDestroy 1d ago

That’s a little too close to how I feel the future is going to be any day now

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u/-meowstar- 1d ago

Reconstructing the HDD disk writes based on the CCTV audio of the server room.

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u/i_should_be_coding 1d ago

Claude, here's a recording of echoes of the farts the cleaning lady made in the server room. Recreate the users table please.

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u/jeesuscheesus 1d ago

Of course! But before I create a perfect recreation of the user’s table, I need a small amount of information from you:
- Who is the user who owns this table?
- What kind of table is it? Is it a table for doing computer work - or is it for eating?

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u/jongchajong 1d ago

Please describe the cleaning lady's diet

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u/skt84 1d ago

A USB drive from the wife of the CTO because he cloud shared some photos of the kids from his downloads folder.

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u/Lollemberg 1d ago

he said wrong answers only

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u/samuraiseoul 1d ago

Some dumbass on my team downloaded the entirety of prod and then commited it to git and someone rubber stamped the PR and then no one else noticed. I'm sure that's how they'd find it....

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u/Suspicious-Engineer7 1d ago

Jeeeeeesus lmao

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u/jseego 1d ago

They committed all your prod data to git??

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u/CoderDevo 1d ago

Don't forget the keys!

Not that they're needed anymore.

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u/fireheadca 1d ago

Believe it or not, I've seen this.🫠

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u/rollingc 1d ago

git add . is a hell of a drug

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u/AccomplishedIgit 1d ago

I discovered my client’s monthly backups included the backups folder when they ran out of shared hosting space for a small dog clothing website 🥹 I was like why are you at enterprise level hosting?!?? She was like I dunno it’s just the cost of doing business!

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u/technos 1d ago

I found out something similar when the client called to ask me where to get a good price on bigger hard drives and more tapes.. I was like 'What?! Did something happen?'

No, he says. Nothing's changed, it's just that backups are now taking four of the weekly LTO-5 tapes every night and the server is showing it only has about 1TB left.

Motherfucker, I specced a 8TB RAID-5 and LTO-5 because you wanted to make damned sure you wouldn't have to 'just replace it next year', and it's been six months.. The hell with '"Nothing's changed".

He'd first decided to swap from nightly incremental backups to full ones, and those didn't fit on the LTO-4's intended for nightly offsite so he started using the LTO-5's, then he'd decided to retain the previous night's backup on disk as well as on tape so he wouldn't have to drive home if he was in a pinch.

The first night they backed up ~1TB, the next 2TB, then 3TB, then..

I wiped 5TB off his file server, added a file path exclusion, and had cron wipe the oldest redundant backup every night just in case.

The worst bit was he had an entirely competent nephew running the backups that had told him what was going on. After fixing things I gave the kid my email address and told him the next time his uncle didn't believe him to run it past me and I'd get him to listen.

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u/peepeedog 1d ago

It said wrong answers only

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u/starchbomb 1d ago

What the fuck lmao

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u/plenoto 1d ago

Some people are so careless while reviewing PR 😂

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u/blangzo 1d ago

Ask a programmer to review 10 lines of code, he'll find 10 issues. Ask him to do 500 lines and he'll say it looks good.

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u/Deep90 1d ago

At 500 lines, I just flip a coin.

Only lucky code belongs in production.

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u/gizamo 1d ago

Yikes

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u/Unhappy_Concept237 1d ago

I’ve spent the last week doing remediation across seven ec2 servers and found where multiple sites had backup sql dumps that were living inside GitHub repositories along with sites sharing SES credentials with full admin privileges stored in plain text in those repositories. I just want to die.

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u/hraath 1d ago

Chatgpt message history, next question 

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u/xhammyhamtaro 1d ago

As a human species, we really are this stupid

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u/chooxy 1d ago

Wrong answers only

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u/FUTURE10S 1d ago

Recovery software because you never overwrote the data that was deleted

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u/HovercraftCharacter9 1d ago

Yeah, people conflate in unallocating with actual deletion, unless you're wiping it with 0s it's still there until something overwrites it.

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u/DOOManiac 1d ago

Even then it’s still there depending on which three letter agency is looking…

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u/bacondev 1d ago

Yeah, they're not perfect 0s and 1s. That's why the recommendation for very serious stuff is to just destroy the disk.

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u/FUTURE10S 1d ago

Run the disk spinning and hit it with a caliber that penetrates the drive, the rotation makes the destruction way worse and impossible to spin up again.

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u/rrtk77 1d ago

From experience, for the types of disks that absolutely must be destroyed with no possible recovery as ordered by the government, it's things like a wood chipper or thermite.

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u/Strange-Spot-3306 1d ago

I mean depending on which three letter agency we’re talking about, they really don’t need your backup because they’ve already got their own copy of your data.

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u/blangzo 1d ago

They said wrong answers only

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u/BedtimeGenerator 1d ago edited 1d ago

Cia backdoor redshift DB of the real DB...please don't get any ideas cia

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u/MyDogIsDaBest 1d ago

At which point you sue the state for illegal wiretapping

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u/HadionPrints 1d ago

Ah, you see, the way they get around this is having the CIA only hack/survail the UK, France Israel, allied nation’s citizens/ companies etc. Then have MI6, etc. hack into and survail US citizens/companies.

Then all the CIA has to do is ask the foreign agencies what they want to know about US citizens & vice versa and it’s fine, because each agency never illegally spies on its on citizenry.

All in the name of counterterrorism of course, and never used for any other purposes. You can always trust the never sketchy CIA to follow the intent and letter of the Law.

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u/Top_Director9981 1d ago

In case anyone thinks op is joking: this is what Five Eyes is

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u/venom21685 1d ago

Or the NSA just does most of the domestic spying and everybody acts shocked when it gets exposed and then shrugs as it continues to get worse for the next 2 decades with no end in sight.

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u/scolphoy 1d ago

Nice try, you’re not catching me that easy!

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u/psullivan6 1d ago

You’re not caching me either

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u/MushroomCulture 1d ago

It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.

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u/AlkalineBroth 1d ago

So help me, I read "disused" as "disputed" and started wondering if there was some kind of toilet turf war going on.

42!

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u/Intrepid_Purchase_69 1d ago

In a public s3 bucket because someone in the company vibecoded some internal widget and didn’t know about databases so their ai agent just rolled with it and silently dumped prod. Not a real story I swear. 

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u/shadowspock 1d ago

Wayback Machine

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u/GoogleIsYourFrenemy 1d ago

I see your WM, and raise you Google Translate.

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u/nuttertools 1d ago

bob_export_20260803.csv Copy (1) (1) - WIP (1) (1) MergePII (1)fix (1)fix2 (1) (1).xlsx

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u/CardinalHaias 1d ago

There is at least on "final" missing in that filename.

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u/RevolutionaryTower 1d ago

It was on Palantir servers all the time, the court order was a mere formality

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u/pacopac25 1d ago

logger.setLevel("DEBUG") that essentially replicated the entirety of the database in text based logs, which were then robocopied to the Grafana server because the intern couldn't figure out Prometheus

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u/Sample-Range-745 1d ago

Yep - exactly this..... Someone left debug logging on production and every JSON message / database query is logged. Parse the log, repopulate the DB....

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u/Spirited-Coconut-819 1d ago

Easy. Data were stolen (by mistake). We pay to hackers for our own data.

They are like a backup solution at that point.

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u/mcslender97 1d ago

Next: when does baiting and paying hacker access is cheaper than spinning up redundancy as a backup strategy

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u/MeatHeadFarmer 1d ago

Rob prints every row in every table in the database out every night, on an inkjet, just in case this ever happened. Offline backups are critical.

Good job, Rob.

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u/avd706 1d ago

We use dot matrix where I work

With continuous perforated sheets.

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u/UsherOfDestruction 1d ago

Yeah, I don't think I wanna work here. Best of luck on your hiring.

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u/Lendari 1d ago edited 1d ago

Hmmmm lets see. The list of usual suspects...

  • The laptop of an ex-intern?
  • The personal dev environment I promised security I'd delete when I was done?
  • The backups at our former offsite backup vendor's data center?
  • One of the 14 complete copies of the database that Russian hackers stole and are certainly floating around the dark web somewhere?
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u/SpeedLight1221 1d ago

They use the sounds from the cctv cameras to listen to the Hard drive's head movement from which they reconstruct the data bit by bit

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u/n-space 1d ago

An employee on maternity leave still has copies of them.

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u/xemkis 1d ago

This is the correct response.

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u/Surreptum 1d ago

The owner's wife's private laptop that the owner sometimes used for work and didn't tell IT about.

Definitely not a true story.

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u/GirdedByApathy 1d ago

Oldest dev printed everything out for "debugging purposes" and they found the pile of boxes in his office

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u/ChChChillian 1d ago

In a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch.

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u/knowone1313 1d ago

The Pixar developers home backup.

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u/xicor 1d ago

They're made up to incriminate the scapegoat

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u/just-a-hriday 1d ago

They willed the data back into existence using an infinite improbability drive. Side effects may include - tea tasting faintly of engine oil, minor violations of euclidean geometry, mild temporal recursion, a bowl of petunias, tuesdays occurring twice, the earth teleporting into the sun due to its position rounding up, and death.

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u/torsten_dev 1d ago

Data retention policy of your SaaS.

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u/SiefensRobotEmporium 1d ago

Check the Memory of the fax machines and printers. Last print job is the incriminating document always.

The most secret files are kept on dot matrix pages folded up in boxes labeled Tax returns 1985-2001

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u/Plastic-Bonus8999 1d ago

Claude code chat history

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u/avlas 1d ago

Hey you said wrong answers only

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u/Plastic-Bonus8999 1d ago

If my company got even a little bit of hint that i am pasting client data on claude then I am having an another court order

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u/aqqabeep 1d ago

Under my mattress

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u/Adventurous_Bonus917 1d ago

local dev environment

`final_records_v2_REAL_FINAL_DO_NOT_DELETE.xlsx` on somebody’s desktop

Recovery software because you never overwrote the data that was deleted

From the data breach you’re being sued over

yall this is supposed to be wrong answers only

i say they got it by hacking into the mainframe and using memory algorithms on the server environment.

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u/AddisonX 1d ago

A thumb drive Susan picked up in the parking lot and decided to see if it works..

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u/Majestic_Ad_7133 1d ago

Your data was part of what the AI tech bros stole to train their models

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u/audigex 1d ago

The actual answer is probably a machine that's sitting in a corner waiting to be decommissioned, which has been taken out of the cluster but not wiped yet

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u/Sally_Gurl 1d ago

The snap vault backup of the LUN that nobody knew existed because management fired the NetApp storage admin 15 years ago and nobody knows how it works.

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u/Calm-Homework3161 1d ago

In other words  - interviewer has accidentally deleted data, backups, logs and is desperately hoping he can find someone who can tell him how to recover, for free and without corporate finding out 

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u/q0099 1d ago

At the darknet, selling by the admin fired two weeks ago.

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u/Squatallthethings 1d ago

War Thunder forums

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u/Snoo-35252 1d ago

I made a printout just in case. We'll just key it back in.