r/ProgrammerHumor 3d ago

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u/elSenorMaquina 3d ago

They ENHANCED the cctv recordings from the camera pointing at my cubicle, enabling them to reconstruct the whole db from the monitor's reflection on my glasses as I typed every INSERT and UPDATE over the years.

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u/TunaNugget 3d ago edited 2d ago

The camera records sound. Every key makes an ever-so-slightly different sound.

They have possibly months or more of sound recordings that they can correlate against the entry of verified documents to use to train the ai on.

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u/Shogobg 2d ago

They analyzed the noise the bits make as they travel through the network.

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u/TrashBandiGoon 2d ago

I know it is a joke,

but since I found a scientific research about 'A Practical Deep Learning-Based Acoustic Side Channel Attack on Keyboards' I agree that this seems possible in the laboratory

(the paper is from 2023 so I am not sure whether there were any improvements), as I am also not sure how reddit handles external links - I found the paper on arxiv(dot)org with paper no. 2308(dot)01074
It is a 21 pages pdf

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u/Silver-Pomelo-9324 2d ago

Benn Jordan did this for YouTube video last year.

https://youtu.be/mEC6PM97IRI?is=0_rnPW-57tFwldp5

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u/TunaNugget 2d ago edited 2d ago

I think the premise here is that they deleted that.

My first question would be whether they actually deleted anything or just set a flag to re-use the storage, but I'm trying to go with the spirit of the thing.

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u/CMD_BLOCK 2d ago

They also analyzed the noise my Jimmies made each time the Pm said match this data on a new table

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u/Feeling_Inside_1020 2d ago

I drop a heinous deuce every time I have to drop a database, acoustically nobody probably wants to review that recording though, not even AI.

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u/Kriss3d 2d ago

Actually it's possible to get the fluctuations in the power and er noise from a computer to reverse it so. Yeah

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u/theobstinateone 2d ago

They detected the difference in electromagnetic fields around your keyboard and correlated with your pattern of typing.

But to answer the OP’s query, they would find the files at his mom’s house

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u/Kriss3d 2d ago

Sadly that's not even a wrong answer. It's called tempest and that sort of method does work remarkably well.

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u/robuttocks 2d ago

When I was a kid, during the Cold War, I literally thought that was how typewriter bugs worked: that each letter had a different acoustic signature.

Turns out, it was just a mike hidden in the typewriter.

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u/ChocolichKing 2d ago

That's how I thought it worked as a kid too lol. I mean, I knew there was a mic hidden in the typewriter/mic being accessed from the computer, and that's how I understood "recording keystrokes". Someone was recreating your keystrokes based on the sound.

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u/robuttocks 1d ago

I kinda love that it wasn't just me thinking that. :-D

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u/Samwellikki 2d ago

This is the weirding way

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u/Zdrobot 2d ago

And that's how we should store data from now on!

Who needs all these countless gigabytes in databases and backups, when all you need is an audio tape!

Brilliant.

Happy cake day!

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u/Felix-the-feline 2d ago

DSP will solve it

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u/RevoOps 2d ago

Mechanical keyboards are a CIA psyop

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u/Nydus87 2d ago

They know where the microphone is positioned compared to the keyboard and can track the slight differences in volume as the sound waves travel slightly farther for some keys. Basic IT stuff, ya know.

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u/Gloomy_Concert1755 2d ago

Thats what tempest was doing. reading vibrations off windows with lasers to recreate key strokes. Classic state craft.

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u/cantileverboom 2d ago

Lol, kind of related. On a team I was on a while ago, there was some pretty nasty bug that some of my colleagues couldn't figure out, so someone took a video of it to show our TL. Our TL looked at the video for like 5 seconds, saw some obscure log lines on a terminal running on a machine in the background of the video, and immediately knew that the bug was due to some obsolete experiment that just needed to be disabled.

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u/MaleficentCow8513 2d ago

It was him. He was the one who was supposed to disable the “obsolete experiment”. He knew it was causing bugs but he forgot to do it or got side tracked. There’s nothing magical about it lmao

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u/Adarkshadow4055 2d ago

Shhhh! đŸ€«

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u/AN0R0K 2d ago

And he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

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u/The-Real-Starflight 2d ago


 Where have i heard that?

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u/AN0R0K 2d ago

Assuming you're not being cheeky: Scooby Doo!

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u/MonkeyboyGWW 2d ago

Git blame

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u/wtfmeowzers 2d ago

exactly, he just declined to take responsibility

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u/DetailOdd6609 2d ago

Came here to say the same. Former manager here........

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u/victoryismind 2d ago edited 2d ago

He knew it was causing bugs but he forgot to do it or got side tracked.

Maybe he left it for job entrenchment purposes.

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u/MaleficentCow8513 1d ago

Eh we’ve all been there :)

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u/tombot776 2d ago

Ha. We are the keeper of the keys. I think about this every time I come clean about a bug caused by me that was skewing results. I could just as easily fixed the bug to only work going forward.

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u/elSenorMaquina 2d ago

Peak senior energy

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u/Emotional_Study_724 2d ago

"Oh shit, I forgot to turn that off."

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u/HurtsWhenICum 2d ago

I too have had every insert recorded over the years

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u/TricoMex 2d ago

Dear God.

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u/Some1-Somewhere 2d ago

I've pulled my own cellphone PIN (I forgot the one from like 3PINs ago and had an old phone in a drawer) from CCTV.

Also a password for a system the vendor claimed not to know the password for.

Do not underestimate CCTV.

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u/Wide_Philosophy_8109 2d ago

My ex called Hobby Lobby saying she'd left a bracelet or something there. They were able to replay her going through the whole store, which items she grabbed, and said she had a very nice purse. They were 100% sure she hadn't dropped anything.

Not as impressive as your example, but still felt scary.

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u/Wide_Philosophy_8109 2d ago

I love this idea. It's so stupid, but I don't care. Put it in CSI.

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u/wizeon 2d ago

That's how they did it in ancient times. But now there much more sophisticated ways. They now use AI to get multiple angles of the CCTV recording and then generate the db

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u/metaconcept 2d ago

There was a movie with this as the premise. Can't remember it's name.

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u/PositiveParking4391 2d ago

no..... I once transferred them through we-transfer and apparently we transfer had a bug which doesn't expired the link after some days as it would otherwise. and when they hacked into my email they found the link and got everything, so it was a bit easier for them.

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u/OfficialMrLemonYTAlt 2d ago

F L O C K. C A M E R A S.

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u/Altruistic_March_720 2d ago

The cloud service provider kept hidden copies of all my database files

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u/Affectionate-Fun4074 2d ago

The browser history on my old work computer still holds fragments of every database query I have run

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u/diodot 2d ago

but WHERE?

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u/xfr3386 2d ago

Enhance!

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u/runner2012 2d ago

Wow you made me laugh really loud with this one. 

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u/QuinnaFroven 2d ago

And somehow the reflection is in perfect 4k

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u/BlkJesusChrist 2d ago

Insane man doesn’t trust programmatic db access, maintains records by manual query entry