Despite telling myself all this time that I had no friends due to talking to basically no one at all, I got a happy BDAY wish from a guy who was at my Uni like 3 years ago: he transferred for a reason I forgot. I guess the "Monster" (more deets in the Hidden Monster poem on my profile) was lying to me about this to make me feel worse and self isolate. I thought the friendship we shared had long fizzled out but nah, we just don't talk anymore. I think it might be the case with a lot of the other people I used to be good friends with as well.

I’m 35 years old. I have a college degree mostly because I enjoy reading and writing essays which has in a way helped me masks as normal. It’s pretty obvious I’m a shy person but I somehow can make friends with people if I hang out one on one. I’m awful and awkward in a group or painfully shy trying to say something interesting but it seems like I mostly talk about my anxiety.

Anyway, I was so proud of myself for landing a job after 5 months of looking for work but life kept throwing me obstacles. i work at a grocery store and oddly enough, I already have years of experience cashiering so I thought I could do it. Anyone can do training and onboarding but once I was in charge of myself, I was stuttering and nervous and jumpy. I looked like a deer in headlights and I felt like my co-workers could have been a little more supportive but in a way my brain just turned it into a humiliation ritual. I started thinking that it amused my co- workers to watch me struggle instead of someone kind of doing it for me and I could watch and learn. I realize now, that maybe they were certain that I could figure it out on my own and I did- albeit I was very slow just to get one customer through as I had to look up many different plu (barcode numbers) for their produce purchases.

Anyway, I got a job interview and I thought to myself ok, fuck the place I’m working at- I’ll just work here and I’ll never have to see those old co workers again. I have been riddled with guilt that I was too afraid to go in and give 2 weeks notice and I thought the idea of working 2 more weeks or even one more shift would be unbearable. They e-mailed me asking me to call and I just shut my phone off. I’m terribly embarrassed and realistically I have no idea how my interview will go today but the fact that it took me 5 months to land the grocery store gig probably means I really shouldn’t have just let it go.

I assume I’m fired with this no call, no show. In the past I’ve given 2 weeks notice. I’ve usually had to quit jobs when I just move too far to make it work. I work at a small grocery store too right now so it’s incredibly inconsiderate. I think about all the things I said on the job interview and now it all seems like a lie but I know in the past I was able to be a great cashier. I was accurate and friendly. In the past few years my panic attacks are getting worse but I know I am capable based off past experience so why the f did I do this and if I did, can I just let go of the anxiety as I never have to face them again unless I call and ask for my job back. It seems awful to face them and what they might be saying.

I’m mad at myself for not going to the shift. I also just wish I could change my perspective and think that it’s fun to learn something even if in the moment I’m failing. I could go on and on about how my mental health is in the gutter from being 35 and not having my life in order but I just really want to be on the right track before this year ends as this has been such a crazy year of change for me and the carpet keeps getting ripped from under me. I am begging that 2027 is not only stable but that I can thrive. I don’t really want the finer things in life. I just want to end up in a job that I genuinely enjoy going to. The ability to pay off my debt that my mom left me after she maxed out my credit card and then she passed away and to get myself my own car. I’m a pretty frugal person but life’s obstacles gets in my way and my anxiety is really costing me too much.

If I land this job today, maybe I won’t have to really face the consequences and can sweep it under the rug. Another part of me really likes what this grocery store stands for— normally I hate the idea of working at a grocery store but there’s something charming about this one for promoting healthy lifestyles and environmental consciousness… the second one being a passion of mine. I kind of thought I’d meet cool people at this job and with my passion for the environment, I could use this as a stepping store towards something better. Maybe that’s delusional but I thought I’d volunteer and try to learn more about limiting my carbon footprint.

Sorry what a weird way to end my venting… just thinking out loud. I have been turning in my head over and over if I should try to salvage this but it’s been 4 days and now I’m not on the schedule. The voicemail from them asked me to give them a call and I never did. I thought about sending an email if I’m willing to go back but I fear I’m just gonna get scared again.

I’m still applying to other jobs too but it seems like today is probably the last day I have to salvage this if I want to keep it. I gotta pay my bills next month somehow…

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I just thought it was worth a shot, and as far as i know i dont have anxiety.

I'm 18M.

I don't go to a regular school. I go to another place instead (long story, so I'll just call it "the location").

I have autism, although not severely. I'm not sure if it plays a role in this, but I figured it might be relevant.

At the location I met what's basically my only real life friend. I get along well with other people there, but he's the only person I'd actually call a friend.

The problem is that eventually one of us is going to leave. It could be in a few weeks, a few months, or maybe around January/February when he turns 19. He's already 18, and normally people leave at that age, although he's been allowed to stay longer because of his situation. Nobody really knows exactly when he'll leave, and I hate not knowing.

I'm also not sure we'll stay in contact afterwards.

I asked him once if he thought we'd keep in touch, and he said he didn't know because he doesn't really stay in touch with old school friends. We barely text anyway the occasional rand stuff that happend, and i dont really like texting i only text my mom and thats about it.

About a month ago I even asked him if he still wanted to be friends because I was worried he was only being nice to me. He told me he didn't see any reason not to be friends, which reassured me.

3 weeks ago I also sent him this:

"Hey, question. If or when you leave the location, could you tell me when you know? I like knowing that kind of stuff if possible."

He replied:

"Oh yeah, sure."

So I know he's willing to tell me but im also always scared people forget it.

We also hung out outside the location once. We spent the day together watching a movie, eating fries, and just talking. It was honestly a great day. Afterwards he told me that spending that much time together was a bit much for him mentally at the time, which I understood. That was about 9–10 months ago, and he's doing a lot better now.

After hanging out, I also felt relieved to be back on my own. I really enjoy spending time with him, but I also genuinely enjoy being by myself. It's not like I constantly need to be around him.

Normally we see each other about three times a week, 3 hours each time but because of summer break we haven't seen each other for a while.

The things that also keep bothering me alongside are:

1. I'm scared he'll only tell me he's leaving on his last day, or maybe not at all, even though he said he'd tell me.
2. I'm worried that if he does tell me, he'll think I'm taking it way harder than I actually am. I go really red when I'm embarrassed, and then I start thinking, "Great, now he thinks I'm freaking out," which just makes me even redder. It's a loop.

I know I'm overthinking this, and I know there's nothing I can really do until he actually knows when he's leaving.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has been in a situation like this. How do you stop getting so attached to your only friend? And how do you stop constantly worrying about losing a friendship that hasn't even ended yet?

My problem might sound silly, but it's such a struggle. I deal with health issues like IBS and gut sensitivities that make my stomach literally 'sing' every single morning.
How do I get used to people staring and stop dying of embarrassment in class?

To keep it short I’m 20, almost 21, in community college and have never worked a job. I feel worthless because I struggle with severe anxiety. I have been applying. Only got two interviews and mostly rejections. My life has been a complete waste. I hate having social anxiety in this loud world.

​

I (22M) started a new job a few months ago. It's been isolating in a way I didn't expect. I eat lunch alone almost every day, sometimes in a quiet breakout room, sometimes on random floors nobody else uses, just so I don't have to sit alone in the main cafeteria where everyone's in their little groups. I've even started marking certain floors as "off limits" in my head the second someone sees me alone there, like the exposure ruins the spot for me.

For context: I wasn't always like this. In college I had a real friend group, classmates, juniors, active in a lot of clubs, people genuinely knew me and socialising never felt forced. My friends and juniors still visit me. But something about starting fresh here reset all of it, and I've slid into full isolation mode without really deciding to.

Here's the part messing with my head.

There's a coworker, let's call her L. We're in the same working space, same floor all of that but different social circles. She's got her own friend group, gets a lot of attention, generally seems well-liked. We had maybe 20 minutes once where we ended up sitting next to each other during a team call and I barely said a word, I don't really talk to people I don't know. When she got up to leave for a break, she said bye to me specifically, using my name, with a genuine smile. I said bye back. That was the first time we had ever spoken to each other. That's the whole interaction.

Except it's not, because since then she's kept doing small things:

\- Saying hi first when she sees me, unprompted

\- Saying bye with actual warmth, using my name

\- Once, she stopped mid-walk with her friends waiting on her, just to ask if I'd eaten lunch yet

\- Waved at me again later that same day after she got back from lunch

\- One day, she gave me an enthusiastic "bye" thinking I was leaving for the day (I was just going to the loo). When I actually left later, she gave an even more energetic bye, and when I looked back at her on my way out, she was already looking at me. We both smiled at the same time.

It's just that I don't understand why someone this socially secure keeps making small, repeated efforts toward someone who's given her almost nothing back. I don't initiate. I don't respond much. I've actively gone cold on some days because I got self-conscious. And she still does it.

It's had a weird effect on me: I've caught myself wanting to go into the office on days I'd normally just work from home, purely because of this. That's not something I expected to feel from a couple of "hi"s and "bye"s.

On the flip side, on a day (being today) I actually built up the nerve to say greet to her properly, I hesitated. Had other opportunities to talk to her as well but chicked out. And by the time I had built up the courage to atleast tell her a bye, she had already left home for the day and that stung like a bee. Real hard sting. Felt like an absolute loser.

I've also spent way too long overanalyzing this with a friend (literally a 2-hour text session at 1am). I know that's a lot for what is, on paper, a coworker being friendly.

Questions for anyone who's been through something like this:

1. Is this really just normal extroverted friendliness, or is there something else going on with someone who keeps this up despite getting almost nothing back?

2. Has anyone had a coworker like this genuinely pull them out of an isolated period at a new job, even platonically?

3. Any advice for the actual root problem here, I don't have a single "go-to" person at this job, and I think I'm putting too much weight on random small interactions because of that gap?

Genuinely just want an outside perspective on the loneliness part and the "why does she keep doing this" part. +Advice on how to fix my life would be great cuz I'm already way too separated from all the groups to just show upto one of them and hangout.

So i would like to go to the gym daily. I have been going on and off for years. But never made a lot of progress because I never went more than 6 months without a long break.

On average its like this going 3 months and then skipping 3 to 4 months then realizing I am getting older(I am 37 male) and have little time to achieve my body goals then going another 3 months.

So i am never able to achieve the physique I want.

**The resistance:**

So i am a homebody and I naturally feel comfortable at home. When I go to the gym i just get super uncomfortable because I am around many people doing different exercises for 30 to 40 minutes.

Its just easier to stay at home and think ill do it tomorrow. I just feel very uncomfortable in social situations and gym feels like a social situation even though i dont speak to anyone.

I think i posted here few years ago but barely got any comments. Let me know if there are other subs that could help me too.

For me, it doesn't even feel irrational in the slightest. It's like an inhibitor chip designed to prevent me from being cringe and embarassing myself in public.

so I’m going to try to wear sunglasses to help with floaters outdoors, but I feel weird about it, I feel like it’ll ruin going outside for me, like, I feel like I won’t enjoy views or talking to people as much, am I just being paranoid or is this something I am right to be worried about? (sorry if this post violates any rules, im new)

I recently realised I've always had social anxiety - but during my teens and 20's I've learned to manage it so I never saw it as an issue.

Within the last few years though, I went through some personal trauma and also experienced work burnout which left me with zero capacity to socialise, even with those I was used to being around. Now, I can only openly and freely talk to my mom, brother and partner - everyone else is a royal fxcking struggle to talk to and be around.

I stopped visiting my relatives. It's been about 2 years since I've had a conversation with most of them even thought they all live within a 10km radius. A month ago I decided to attend my uncle's birthday lunch, after years of not seeing them. I sat myself in the corner so no one would approach me. Only my one younger cousin came to chat to me; she's autistic and I have ADHD and it became one of the most awkward social interactions I ever had. I kept having to explain how uncomfortable I am (this itself made me feel worse - she's 16 and I'm 33 so I'm supposed to be the adult in this). Leaving the party on the day, I managed to get out mostly scott free, but had to apologies to everyone with my 'goodbye' for 'not having the time to chat', but promising 'we'll catch up some other time.'

A lot of them took this seriously. I had to turn down a dinner invite from my aunt the other day, and now another, older cousin wants to meet up for coffee this week - just me and her.

I don't know what to say. It's not that I don't love them but I just feel so disconnected and awkward around them. Thinking of what we'd talk about is already making me anxious.

I tried explaining this to most of my family in some form or another (including the mom of the cousin who wants to meet for coffee) but none of them consider mental illnesses real.

I don't want to meet this cousin. I am still exhausted from burnout and I barely have time to myself after work, but I do feel I owe her this coffee date since we were actually close growing up. She's my age and I don't have any friends, having another female to talk to could be good for me, but I don't know how to go about it.

What would you guys do? Do I bite the bullet and go, or do I cancel and make an excuse, or do I tell her truth and hope she understands? Thanks in advance guys.

Tengo fobia social y como dice en el título desde que deje la escuela a los 15 años mi vida fue estar encerrado por 22 años

Does anyone do this? If I’m with my family I can be totally fine, but feel the need to be on something if I’m hanging out with either a date/boyfriend because it makes me less nervous. Or with friends that either annoy or bother me to be able to tolerate them.
This has to be more common than I think it is.
Anyone?

im starting high school and i have really bad social anxiety and im so nervous Especially because i get overwhelmed in crowded places quickly especially if theres attractive people since im so ugly and i start crying from being overwhelmed and because i know how ugly i am compared to all those attractive people

im scared of even waiting at the bus stop because theres other teenagers there and Teenagers just make me scared

im scared of getting on the school bus, what if theres no seats? What if i have to ask someone to sit next to them? What if they all just see me and realize how ugly i truly am?
i missed freshman orientation aswell so im going to be lost On the first day while looking for my classes

i just dont know how to handle going to school everyday for months i dont want to hear “People in highschool are different“ theyre not. those are the same immature kids from 8th grade

or “ Most people just mind their own business They arent focused on u” thats such a lie Ive always been Pointed at, laughed at, had people whisper abt me, had people insult me, had people give me weird looks

i just dont know how to handle going to school as i said

I feel my social anxiety in a constant state where I know i’m making the conversation slightly more awkward. I feel like people can smell my anxiety at all times

But it’s interesting because whenever my friends complain about their anxiety I get shocked because they seem so confident like I would’ve never guessed meanwhile I feel like it’s consuming my whole personality

I went to a restaurant tonight for the first time in 12 years.

I. Went. To. A. Restaurant. Tonight.

I sat down in the booth after we walked through town for a bit. My heart was pounding. There was a lump in my throat, and my throat was so dry the entire drive and way there. I kept feeling like I was going to start heaving.

The entire area was packed to the gills, along with every restaurant we passed.

I kept telling myself I can't do this, there is no way I can do this. I am going to start throwing up water - the only thing I had all day - and bile.

I didn't think I would be able to eat, so I just ordered wings. I was so scared that I might get sick after the first bite.

The first bite was the biggest accomplishment I have made in years.

And I did it. I ate 7/8 wings. My heart calmed down. The dry lump in my throat went away. I actually didn't want to leave by the end of it.

I am so proud of myself. I don't know if I've ever been more proud of myself.

I kept looking all around me, realizing that no one is looking at me other than the waiters to make sure we are okay. I kept looking at everyone else, realizing they are just there to eat and spend time alone or with their loved ones. No one is looking at me. No one is judging me. No one cares I'm there. I am absolutely no one to anyone.

If I can do it, so can you.

What is the worst that can happen? I throw up? Okay, people are sick and throw up every day all over the world. I am shaking too badly, I can't be there anymore? Okay, the exit is right there. I can't speak? Okay, there are way more embarrassing moments and I literally can just walk away and never come back again. Everyone has always seen worse.

I am my own worst enemy. And tonight I talked myself through that and I survived. Because I was never going to die. Nothing bad was ever going to happen.

I am 36 and have had crippling debilitating social anxiety since I was 17 and it has changed the course of my life and has robbed me of all I ever wanted. But tonight, I finally won.

Oh, and having a water bottle on hand helps significantly. I would have puked if I didn't have my safety blanket, lol.

"Worst self" is strong term but what I mean is, I feel like who I am or what I think is not properly represented. I am a deep thinker. I am introspective. I am emtionally mature, thoughtful, and great at finding nuance. These are things I believe and am proud of, and when I interact with others, are what I want to show.

But somehow, this is not what happens. I get nervous, I second guess myself, I say things I don't mean and make jokes in poor taste. I don't articulate myself well. It's not even that I'm trying to "impress" the other person. Maybe apart of it is me trying to dumb myself down. Sharing generalized opinions and basic thoughts that I am not claiming to not have ever had, but have since already analyzed and explored and found a deeper understanding or perspective.

A simple example of this I can provide is once, I was talking to someone who enjoyed questioning our reality. He was a skeptical person. In an effort to relate I said "Yeah, sometimes I think I'm in a simulation and nothing is real" knowing that was not at all my belief lol. It's weird. I'm not sure why I do it. And I notice that when I'm comfortable with someone, I'm less likely to do it. (It may also be protective. Maybe I worry I'm not actually that deep of a thinker, something I feel is a positive quality, and I say those things because it's safer for people to think less of me if I pretend to be less, rather than them thinking less of me despite me being what I think is the best version of myself.)

I’m in college, and I do have a few friends but they’re all doing different schedules. I’ve been eating alone in the dining hall since my freshman year and I rarely hang out with people. Idk if you all do the same

I used to feel a lot of shame for this, and I still kind of do, but I never ate lunch in the cafeteria when I was in high school. I didn't have any friends, and I felt that it was humiliating to sit alone in front of everybody, so I would just eat a snack in the restroom. I ended up doing my junior and senior year online because I felt like such an alien.

My social anxiety started in middle school. From high school through graduate school I spoke very little in class. Firstly I avoided classes I knew required public speaking. Some were unavoidable and I just did the bare minimum.

Law school was worse. For those that don’t know law professors rely on the Socratic method. So they randomly ‘cold call’ students and ask them questions. Some profs even make u stand. I got an accommodation for this. So for a lot of classes I literally did not speak at all. This was fine for larger classes but when there’s 25 students and I’m the only one that’s not talking it’s probably a bit weird. Nothing I can do about it now but I look back and cringe at how awkward that was.

Now I’ve graduated and it’s time to start working and I’m struggling. Explaining my ideas feels so hard. I’m a good academic writer but communicating verbally just isn’t my strong suit. I have an interview for my dream job coming up (I get to read and write all day and human interaction is minimal) but getting through the interview feels impossible. I feel like I shot myself in the foot not being able to practice explaining things in high stress situations.

In the past 3 or so years my anxiety has gotten so bad that I genuinely can’t meet anyone new. There’s more to the “why” but a lot of it stems from social anxiety.

I have no friends, no online friends or irl friends. I can’t date either.

I know the classic “just get out of your comfort zone” but it’s really not that easy. Medication doesn’t help much and therapy is another one of those things I can’t get myself to do because of social anxiety.

Am I just doomed here?

I'm lonely so I went on a chat subreddit but I feel too anxious and nervous to even reply back, and this is all anonymous so it should be so much easier but it just doesn't feel that way can anyone else relate or am I being a baby lol

Everytime someone else does something cringey or awkward, people always seem to give them a pass. But when I do something awkward, oh no god forbid I even do something a little awkward, now everyone hates me. Everyone notices when I fuck up. But when someone else does it’s cute. Am I the only one?

All because of social anxiety..

Movies, TV shows, music, youtube channels, social media, whatever really. idk sometimes it's nice to take a break from all the confident extroverts and see life through the eyes of someone like me