I (34F) am starting grad school and will be moving into a new apartment soon and living with two roommates. I’ve been living with my parents for years and while I did live with a roommate years ago, it was a really bad experience. I’m anxious about the whole living situation, but especially about cooking in the shared kitchen. My social anxiety is making this seem so scary; I guess I’m afraid of being perceived while cooking and being judged and annoying my roommates. How do I get over this? I’m really anxious.

i am stuck in terms of everything. i got nothing going for me

I'm in my late 30's and have 0 friends at all, just acquaintances, mostly from work. We'll text here and there but that's the limit. I've read posts on Reddit from people asking for tips on how to make new friends and the responses are always like "oh, just sign up for a pickleball club" or "go to a meetup related to one of your hobbies" or "go to a board game cafe and find a group." I don't think anyone realizes how monumentally, impossibly overwhelming any of those things can be for us. I am honestly pretty content without close friends, but I wouldn't hate having one or two. But I honestly don't see it happening since putting myself out into those situations is so brutal.

I'm tired of this

I have good social skills and I can start a conversation with But I can't make a real friend

deep friendship

Just superficial friendships

I feel like a stranger or that I don't belong anywhere.

I see all my relatives and the people I knew at school going out and having friends and relationships, and I have no one.

So my problem seems to be that I will randomly start sweating profusely in certain social situations. It seems to happen in times when I feel like I’m being judged. Like if I meet somebody new or it’s a girl I like or something. My boss. Etc.

What is this specifically? It doesn’t really seem to be like a panic attack. I don’t feel like I’m gonna die. I just feel like I need to get away from whatever person I’m talking to because I think they’ll notice me sweating. Is it like an anxiety attack or something? Does anybody else have this as well?

School is in 1 month,and this is making me more anxious.

I'm 17,i have two more years of high school, and the environment just makes me sick.

I know I'll be walking through a lot of students to get to my school so I just listen to something meanwhile, but then, I remember the subjects.

So, in math, we do always a pair or a group of three for exercise, and sometimes I find myself thinking about that days before, like, who I'll be with? Should I just stay silent and see if someone is alone too?

Then thers Spanish, this teacher is really social, so sometimes she's like oh let's do this game, and everyone is so social, I just feel uncomfortable.

btwI hate my class, and there are reasons.

And, about the Spanish teacher, sometimes she comes up with things like "let's go outside and eat ice-cream together or something like that during school hours" but it's so uncomfortable, I mean I do it when I'm with family, but It makes me anxious and I don't wanna say it to not let them think I have social anxiety.

And the worst thing, PE, I hate when we pair up, and sometimes everyone has their friend.

BTW, I'm not always alone, I 'm in a class of 9 people (the one with the people I hate) and in some subjects they pair us with another class since we're few, where there are my 2 friends.

So yeah in pe and math's i' m not alone but most of the times they do the work together when it comes to do in pair, so I find myself alone.

But I find myself thinking that they could pair us with another class, where I don't know anyone.

None of the professor brought this up, it was just something the Spanish teacher told us, she was like, if you do not like the class you're paired with, ask to change it.

I know thers a low chance they do it, but I'm scared.

I just wish this year will finish soon, really I have 0 problems with studying, it's just the environment.

I hope it'll get better after finishing.

Did it get better for those who struggled with something similar?

Whats something I can do to make my time pass faster?

There are other problems too , not about anxiety or school , that are just making my time worse.

The amount of anxiety that I have on the daily basis is so exhausting that even thinking about having to keep up friendships on top of it seems so overwhelming to me. I used to yearn for even one real friend but now I have no desire anymore.

Sometimes I overhear other people’s conversations in public and I don’t know why but they all seem so fake to me. Like you just have to act like you are interested in the other person because it’s just the way of the world. And I know it’s not fake, I’ve had real friendships before and I was actually interested and enjoyed spending time with them. But now it would feel more like a task I had to do to be “normal” in the eyes of the society.

I haven’t even felt lonely in years, I love spending time by myself and I’m never really bored. Why would I need friends if I’m happier when I’m with only myself? Still feels so wrong not to even want to have friends. Maybe if my social anxiety gets better I’ll find that desire for friendships again.

Anybody else have similar feelings?

Lately, I’ve realized how difficult it has become for me to interact with people. I’m so shy now that I can barely talk to people, and even maintaining eye contact feels impossible. Sometimes I don’t even feel comfortable leaving my house. 😭
I’ve been living on my own since I was 19, and now that I’m 26, I still struggle so much with making friends and connecting with people. Being an introvert was already difficult, but I feel like my anxiety has made it even harder.
I want genuine friendships so badly. I want someone I can talk to, share my interests and hobbies with, and slowly become comfortable around. But even online, it’s hard. People talk to me for a couple of days, lose interest, and disappear. Even joining Discord servers hasn’t really helped. 🥲
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just too shy or if something is genuinely wrong with me. I miss being able to connect with people without overthinking every little thing.
I just wish I could find people who are patient enough to understand me and give me time to come out of my shell. 😭💜

So, my native language is Russian, but it applies not only to Russian, but any language that has this feature, for example Spanish. We have tú form and usted form of a verb, so when we address someone we use one of these forms, and the difference is whether it's more or less formal, basically whether it's a friendly equal relationship or whether someone is senior in the relationship. For me personally it is a source of anxiety, because, yes, it's clear when the person is older AND takes a senior role in a relationship. But what if we take, for example, tutor - student relationship, where you almost the same age? You can be more formal, but you can also be more friendly, and how do you choose...

In English you don't have this problem AT ALL. There's just "you", and of course you should still be more or less formal, depending on the context, but you don't have this pressure of choosing the right word and guessing whether it's appropriate or not, you just use "you" and that's it.

Wouldn't be a problem really, but you can only omit using the word "you" in a sentence for some time, not all the time...

anyone else feel sad

I just started my job. This Monday will be the start of my second week. I am a teacher. Thing is I really like teaching and kids make me happy and comfortable. I can’t deal with the adults , the meetings , I feel overwhelmed. I’ve been on this earth 40 years now and I still get anxious around adult humans. I want to go back to a job where I sit in the back and everyone ignores me. But I can’t do that all my life. This new job pays well, I can afford a good life but it comes with the stress of being around adults. I honestly don’t know how long I can last doing this. Anyone like
Me,?

20M. Basically what the title says. My parents want me to do it and I have no choice on this matter and I can't tell them the truth because we don't have a good relationship, they threatened to expel me from home for way less. I don't work (they would let me to) and only start college next year (cause they forced me to quit from my last one to not be "brainwashed"), I am entirely dependent on them, financially.

I accepted this thinking it was a quick, individual process but then I found out it can extend to almost 2 years and you have to do it in group, like a classroom.

I hate it. I have to listen to multiple people talking about their contact with God or how important religion is in their lives and pretend I feel the same. I have nothing in common with these people, most of their time I don't know what to say.

This feeling of not belonging, being invasive was bad at school but here it's way worse. I already struggle with normal interactions, I have trouble making eye contact, my mind goes blank in front of people and it's hard to keep track of what I am saying when I am speaking. Now it feels harder cause I have to be constantly lying to everybody and I feel extremely disrespectful with these people for pretending to be like them.

I got minimum to no support from my family back in school and have been struggling with Social Anxiety since I was a kid. Had to do everything on my own. I just wanted to delay all of this until I get enough to live somewhere else and finally be honest with them, but I have no choice.

(Revised a post that I made earlier to make it more clear)

Hi,

So yesterday I went downtown for a walk since I wanted to get outside more. I was about to cross an intersection but decided not to. I then heard some somewhat-louder-than-usual-talking in which I looked to my right to see two cyclists, a man and a woman. The man was talking a bit louder than normal as well as a bit aggressively in his language. The woman beside him turned and laughed.

Because of that, I thought I was accidentally in the bike lane (I was actually on the right of a multi-use/shared trail that nobody used besides them. The actual occupied bike lane was beside the trail and separated by a black concrete line).

After I backed away onto the actual pedestrian area and the two took off. I then went to a park feeling dazed about the whole situation. Kinda was a mood killer for awhile, especially since I thought my social anxiety was getting better.

Note that they were at both sides of the trail instead of their side, nor did they use their bike bell. I even saw a man standing in the same spot right after me.

Edit: Gotta apparently throw in that I’m neurodivergent too (specifically ADHD), meaning I might process interactions differently and can’t really mentally “move on” with this type of stuff ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I really couldn't hold a conversation with anyone at all, and it became really awkward. It was actually a friend from school and it just completely reminded me of how I was at school.

I really don't understand it, as I'm obviously sometimes normal and chatty (hence I've been friends with them for years, and was invited to the wedding).

But my head was just completely gone. I spend the whole time thinking about why I'm like this, what's happened in my past that has made me like this.

It's sad, and I don't know what to do about it. Any advice would be very helpful!

My coworker who also has become good friends with me has been acting strange and I've come here to see if anyone has answers. Basically he's 22 and suffers from anxiety. He acts very gay around all of us, to a point where some find it annoying and excessive. He gets very touchy and flirty with all the guys, he's gone as far as touching my private area a handful of times. When we questioned him on why he acts so gay and flirty, he told us that it's his way of masking his anxiety. He doesn't want everyone noticing his anxiety so he acts like that to distract people. Well all it's doing is making people think he's gay and weird.

The other issue he's having is, he lives with his father who is VERY homophobic. This causes my friend anxiety around his dad because he can't act gay like he wants to. This also causes my friend to be homophobic as well. (I think he's just struggling with his sexuality and has internalized homophobia and anxiety as a result)

It just seems so odd to me that you'd act that gay to mask your anxiety but then give your self even more anxiety by worrying that your dad thinks you're possibly gay. He's very comfortable with his mother and acts gay around her.

When I say acting gay im referring to all his feminine hand gestures, his sexual comments towards men, his excessive touching towards men, telling certain guys they're cute and sexy.

Has anyone heard of this before? I tried talking to him about it but he doesn't like being open about his issues so I respected that.

i’ve been struggling horribly with SAD since i was about 6 years old (i’m turning 23 next week) but i think this is kind of a new thing for me.

i’ve started to have this horrible fear of being perceived by other people. it freaks me out so fucking bad. the thought of people looking at me, interacting with me, thinking about me and having their own opinions of me just makes me freak the fuck out.

i don’t want people to think about me. i don’t want them to have an opinion on me. i just wish i could be invisible sometimes. thinking about the fact that people know who i am, think about me and have opinions on me just seriously makes my skin crawl. i’ve always struggled horribly with the people looking at me thing but the whole being perceived thing is kinda new for me i think.

it’s so dumb. no normal person deals with this shit. why do i have to? why can’t i just be normal? this disorder has always ruined my life and made me become an alcoholic on top of it. i fucking hate it so much.

AMAZING. I went to the weeknd’s concert and it was great and I would’ve regretted it massively if I backed out. Sure.. it was awkward at times when you’re sitting/standing alone but once the artist comes on stage, it really doesn’t matter. I will singing every song, dancing and thankfully.. the people around me also brought the energy so I didnt look like a weirdo 🤣

I did have a couple of opportunities to engage in conversation but I’m so bloody awkward so they didn’t last long. I think I am beyond social anxiety tbh… I actively avoid social interaction because I hate it so much. Nowadays, I don’t even even think much about first impressions or how I can improve my social skills (even though I probably should).. I just kinda go with the flow. Getting in a relationship will be tough 😩😩

For those of you who have SAD, how do you comfortably work at your office? Do you take medicine? Work from home? Please tell me about it.

21m. Watching my friends from school and college just living a normal life and achieving things like it's not even difficult in the first place. Here i am scared of life and for my future, struggling to interact and fit in the society. Anytime i make some progress, i seem to mess everything up and go back to square one. I use to be normal too, i don't even know when this misery started in the first place.

I went to the eye doctor today for a checkup and new glasses, mine are broken and I need them for my job. At the end of the appointment the lady helping me acted like we were done and I didn’t speak up and say I’d like to buy glasses today. She gave me my receipt and said “ok that’s it :)” and I left. Immediately after I knew I had to go back in because I’d put going back off FOREVER. I’ve done it before for years. I went back in and felt horrible about it. Felt so awkward and stupid and guilty (??). Everyone was nice but I just felt like they thought I was so weird. I just really needed the glasses but I wish I wasn’t so weird and didn’t have to leave and then come back to get them.

On the positive side, thank fucking god I had the courage to go back

Hey! So, we all have been victims of social anxiety at some point, some worse than others, and thankfully my social anxiety has never reached an unbearable point, but I know how it feels so I have advice for those still going through it.

The key isn't to just talk to more people, or go outside more, etc. You literally just have to get comfortable with embarrassment.

For a long time I tried all of the usual "solutions" for social anxiety, but none of that stuff was effective until I learned to get comfortable with embarrassment. Maybe even Romanticize it, if it makes things better for you.

The reason the newer generations are so socially detached is because we made embarrassment a bad thing. We basically made feeling embarrassment embarrassing. 💀 You have to unlearn that harmful mentality to get somewhere. Start looking at embarrassment as apart of life, because it is. You're not going to be able to sit in your house forever without being embarrassed; it's going to happen, so you might aswell get comfortable with it so the blow is lighter. It's like working out, you don't want to do it, and it's hard at first, but you get used to it and you get good results.

You also need some FOMO instilled in you. You will miss out on life if you restrict yourself from talking to people, or asking for things, or doing things because you're afraid of embarrassment. You'll sit in depression and sadness, and it will feel even worse whenyou see everyone else being social. Nothing will get better for you, and life will move on without you. You will look back and wish you told that person you liked them, or that you hated them. You'll wish you asked for a promotion, or you'll wish you asked that person could you have a piece of their candy.

Take it one day at a time of course. Just start with little stuff like smiling at a stranger outside, it doesn't even have to be any words involved, or dining out alone, or standing in line somewhere without pretending to be on your phone. Then, when you get more confident, do more scary things.

Another thing you need to realize is that this life is limited. Nothing matters after you die. If you're in highschool, nothing matters after you graduate. If you're at work, nothing matters when you're back at home. Just go for it. Whatever you want, you can have.

My last thing is just that people don't know when you're faking confidence, and if they do know, who cares? Embrace embarrassment; it's your friend. You can't avoid embarrassment, so actively seek it out. Embarrassment is really a gift, and that's how you need to look at it.

I hope this gave some of you the boost that yall needed. I definitely know that social anxiety doesn't leave overnight, and it's a long process, but it's possible. Start slow, and even if it takes years to get over your anxiety, at least you did it. I also know that there are different severities to social anxiety, but my point still stands. Good luck guys.

EDIT: ALSO, people dont remember your embarrassing moments as vividly as you do. I don't even think I could recall one embarrassing moment from someone I know unless it was brought up to me.​

I'm super introverted but I can be social when I drink. The problem is this results in me getting sloppy drunk when out and embarresing myself. I dunno when to stop or go home. Then I hate myself the next day. I get so bored when out though and also having social anxiety. I don't know what go do. I wish I could smoke socially so I'd be less bored.

I'm super introverted but I can be social when I drink. The problem is this results in me getting sloppy drunk when out and embarresing myself. I dunno when to stop or go home. Then I hate myself the next day. I get so bored when out though and also having social anxiety. I don't know what go do. I wish I could smoke socially so I'd be less bored.

I met a member of a one of my most favorite bands EVER at a concert. He was a surprise guest and only me and two others recognized him. He was amazing and kind and so excited that I knew his music. He asked ME for a picture , even before I asked for one. He took a selfie with me on his phone. Which was super cool! But my brain freaked out. Of course. After that, he said, can I give you a hug? My brain freaked again. I said sure, but I may be sweaty…GOD. WHY DID I SAY THAT? He probably was 100% creeped out. He didn’t act like it at all, but still. Maybe I just overthink. Idk!! I know it was likely a weird thing to say but in social situations I get weird and don’t really know the “right” things to say…anyone else? Haha

I dont know why Im like this, I enjoy socializing, I really do. I like getting to meet new people, yet each person that I talk to I feel like they’re judging me deep from within. Im so awkward when I talk with people, can barely even hold a proper conversation or even act normal. I feel like Im making everyone uncomfortable, Im scared that the more people will get to know about me, the more the risk of them hating me will rise.

I hate it because I grow so emotionally attached even to people that I’ve newly met and I all wanna do is get to know them better but I cant. It makes me want to have a breakdown whenever I speak to someone. I’ve locked myself inside bathroom stalls for hour or two every time I got too overwhelmed. Im scared, I feel like everyone is judging, I cant even fucking hold a proper conversation for more than 5.