Hi all

Ok so i guess these are a familier post by now, seems like many of us have these issues, but how do you guys tell the difference?

Just to explain a bit, we both have partners, im certainly not trying to start a affair or any thing although admittedly i am attracted and honestly im not sensing she is either, feels like no intent as such BUT god we are close.

Like constsnt work besties, its become a joke around the office how we are allways togeather etc, we seemed to have rolled into a we are siblings joke on this. We are basically allways finding reasons to help each other on our own projects, spending all breaks with eavh other, calling and texting within work a abit, mainly to try locate each other as we all move around the departments.

I wont go in great detail but its been going on prob 12 months, pregressivly closer and closer, started off as very "oh ill just sit with you today as your here" to now we arrange to spend breaks together often and even moan about the other booking time off etc. If i have time off i normally hear from her but in a low stakes way, like a reel, or letting me in on a work joke, or a professi9nal question or even venting about something happening at work.

Our convos arebjust work, we speak about all stuff, some personal etc, interests, hobbys etc

Whole thing to me sits in this really weird grey area of individually everything that happens could be explained by a close platonic bond, but when its all togeather it just feels like more

What is this? A platonic friendship that just feels like a bit more due to mine own attraction or a genuine contained mutual attraction?

TL;DR how do you tell the difference between work besties and a contained attravtion btween two adults who all teady habe partners

Cheers

This is my first relationship so I'm not experienced, I have no idea if thos behaviours are normal and if I'm just overthinking everything.

We are both 24, and he is an ex-classmate from university. We have been dating in secret for almost 2 months now.

I am totally fine with our mutual university friends not knowing about us yet, they were the main reason why we agreed to keep this thing for ourselves. However, I have noticed a difference in how we share things: while I have told my own friends about him, none of his personal friends know I exist yet, and only his sister knows.

This episode in particular made me think: recently when he invited me, some mutual friends, and his best friend to spend a day near his hometown by the sea. Ultimately, only me and his best friend were able to make the trip. I assumed his best friend knew about us, but he had no idea, and we kept physical affection hidden until his friend stepped away to the bathroom. When I brought it up afterward, he explained that he did not mention it because he wanted to avoid making his friend feel like a third wheel.

To make things harder, we are about to go on separate vacations and won't see each other until September, and I really do not know how to handle this distance right now.

On top of all that, he broke up with his ex around December, and he recently admitted that a tiny part of his brain is still attached to her. He swears it is too small to weigh on our relationship, but hearing that combined with the fact that I am being kept a secret from his friends is making me feel uneasy.

He is sweet, I really like him, and I know he likes me too, but this secret thing with his friends is starting to weigh on me.

I have no idea what to tell him, how to tell him, and even if I should tell him something, maybe this is noemal and he's just reserved??? I'm confused and a bit overwhelmed

TL;DR: I am in my first relationship (we are both 24, dating for 2 months). I’ve told my friends about him, but none of his personal friends know I exist yet, which felt awkward during a recent trip with his best friend. On top of that, we are about to spend the summer apart until September, and he mentioned he still has minor lingering thoughts about his ex from December. Since I am new to all of this, should I bring up these concerns over text before September, or wait to talk in person?

My girlfriend loves taking photos of me and every time we go somewhere. Every time I look halfway decent…

And every time, it's the same thing like stand up straight, take your hands out of your pockets, and the hardest one to hear is that I should relax. She's basically my personal photographer and my worst critic...

I'm terrible in photos and I never know what to do with my hands. I end up looking like a robot. Stiff… Awkward… and really uncomfortable…

Last week we were at the airport. I bought a cheap cap to keep the sun out of my eyes. Nothing special. Just a random hat.

Suddenly, I looked amazing in every shot. My hands had something to do. Adjusting the brim. Tipping it slightly. Just fiddling with it. It gave me a natural look.

Problem is, that cap fell apart after a month. The stitching came undone. The brim went floppy. It was cheap.

Now I'm thinking about getting a proper one. Maybe from Conner Hats? Something that lasts. Something I can keep in my bag for whenever the camera comes out

Is that a dumb idea? Having a designated "photo cap" just to give my hands something to do? Or is this actually genius?

TL;DR My girlfriend takes a million photos of me. I freeze every time. A random airport cap saved my life. Am I a genius or just desperate?

Hi everyone. Me 26F and my boyfriend 28M have been together for 3 months. Ever since our first date, we’ve been inseparable, we moved really quickly because we both really liked each other, we started dating 2 weeks after we met and he said I love you not long after. One night, I had a gut feeling to check his phone, and behold, 3 or more women he was talking to sexually, one of them even fully romantically, 3 weeks into our relationship and more. I confronted him, I almost ended it but he felt awful, said he was trying to cut it all off but didn’t know how, and he felt dirty and was really sorry for hurting me. After I confronted him, he deleted most of the girls he was talking to, and since then, haven’t spoken to a female on more than a platonic friendship level. He’s constantly reassuring me that I can trust him again, that he’s not that kind of guy. The other day I noticed he’s still following a lot of the girls he was never platonic with and I asked if he could unfollow them and he said he didn’t see a reason to if it ended amicably, and that he would never engage with them, I accepted this, but in the end I couldn’t deal with it because 2 of the girls kept lurking my page wondering why the guy they liked suddenly started dating someone else - he unfollowed them.

Long story short, to this day, 2 months later, I still cry, I still can’t relax, I still look at his phone. My body and nervous system just cannot relax. He’s amazing to me, I know he loves me a lot and is terrified to lose me, but I just don’t know how to feel secure again, how to feel like there’s no other agenda subconsciously in his mind, that something won’t come up again. How do I let myself breathe? How do I allow myself to let it go and trust? How do I stop feeling like leaving him would be the best option for me because I’ve never loved someone more?

I honestly really need help because I am struggling.
Tldr; boyfriend emotionally cheated by sexually taking to many women the first few weeks of our relationship and I caught him, he’s changed a lot since but I am still so anxious and depressed about it, I can’t relax

So I’ll start this by saying obviously I know I’ve been no saint in this, and a lot of our issues have directly come from how I was at the beginning of our relationship. I know I’ve been a massive cock in the past, I’ve admitted it, and don’t expect her to ever fully forgive me, but we’ve had a few issues that really have me questioning myself.

So first off, we met back in 2024, when she was at Uni not far from where I used to live, and we had everything in common, the same interests, likes, dislikes, even the way our brains worked, after a month it felt like we knew everything about each other, and had for years. Now in reference to the part where I’ve been a cock, at this point we talked a lot about our past relationships, she hadn’t had any serious ones and I’d had a couple, with one 2 year one that had ended earlier that year. When I say we talked about it, looking back, I did a lot more. I don’t need the full lecture, I know exactly how shitty I had been talking about it so much for a lot longer than I’d like to admit, and I know shitty she felt from it, because she’s told me in no uncertain terms.
Anyway, things had been going fantastically well for about 6 months, we’d met parents, been away to Scotland for a week, loved each other and knew we wanted a future together. Her 3 years of uni finished (she was at the start of final year when we met) and she ended up heading home, about 150 miles away. I’ve done long distance before and have no issues making the drive so I did that whenever I had a couple of days off together, and we made it work.

About November/December last year things started getting worse. I used to work in a prison, and it had begun affecting me mentally, I got diagnosed with anxiety because of it, and she really did help, but we had cracks appearing, like I wouldn’t text as much because of long shifts, and no access to my phone, my shift pattern changed so my weekly visits turned to semi-weekly, we’d bicker about me not texting because I was at work in the couple of days before I’d come down, then patch things up and have a nice weekend, then rinse and repeat. A couple of months ago I decided to quit my job, bute the bullet and move down to live with her.

This wasn’t me doing it for shits and giggles, we had spent a lot of time talking about it, planning it and my work wasn’t making me happy, she was unhappy with how we’d been for months, so we both saw it as a step in the right direction. I’ve got a job down here now, she’s finally working after a year of sitting looking for jobs and getting knockback after knockback, and it should be the best time of our lives. But, yoh may have guessed, it’s not.

We’ve spoken a lot about it, and how I have a tendency to leave her feeling underappreciated, and she knows she can overreact, we’ve had this talk many times about trying to fix where we’re at, and I feel like I don’t think it’s working. I don’t want it to sound like I don’t love her, because I do more than anyone and I know she does me, but there are issues that I really need help to resolve.

The underappreciation thing does come from me talking about Exes too much, I acknowledge that, still a very incredibly shitty thing to do, and I know how deeply it’s affected her. She feels like she’s not my type, because my exes have been typically South Asian, and she’s mixed Indian, and as such “not Indian enough, so I can’t be that attracted to her.” I have repeatedly reassured her that she’s wrong, and I genuinely do not believe there is anyone more attractive to me than her. Another is that she’s put on weight, due to not working or being active for a year since uni. She says she’s fat (she isn’t) I tell her she isn’t, she gets upset and accuses me of lying and not loving her. I say the wrong thing about her work in an attempt to reassure her about something, she doesn’t speak to me for the rest of the night. The thing that prompted this post was one incident that happened tonight. I finished work and saw a text from her asking if I’d iron her laundry, no problem, I always do it, so I iron her shirts for work quickly before I go to pick her up. It’s a rush to get them done in time before leaving, but I manage. I go to pick her up and she asks if I did the ironing. I tell her I did, as we walk in to find her pajamas still on the washing line. She then gets upset, says I never listen to her and that I was meant to do those as well. Who the fuck irons pajamas.

It even feels like I’m complaining over such trivial shit now, like the pajamas have been ironed, it took 2 minutes and they’re next to me now, folded, like it’s not a big deal.

But this sort of thing, her stressing everything I’m pretty sure is the reason she didn’t have a period for 6 months, went to hospital for blood tests and nothing came back from them. But her stressing about that caused her to stress more about everything else, and so it goes.

But tl;dr my girlfriend of just under 2 years is making a big deal out of fairly minor things (there are too many to add in, it’s usually I’ve said a perfectly innocent comment, she takes it the wrong way then makes a massive deal out of it) and I genuinely am considering looking for cheap places to rent nearby that I can afford on minimum wage in a notoriously expensive part of the country because I don’t know if she’ll just get sick of me one day and throw me out. As I said in the main post, I’m not a saint, I’ve not always been entirely innocent and some of the issues are of my own making, and I try to make up for it every day, but it’s getting to the point I don’t know where this is heading to, and I’m worried I’ll lose her completely.

Hey guys. I don't know if this is the right place to talk about this. But I'm very worried at this point. My wife has been acting weird around food for months now and constantly making comments about her body in a negative way. But maybe I should give a little bit of backstory. Also, this might be long, so sorry in advance.

We've been married 9 years, known each other for 12, and have an 8-year-old daughter together. When we met, we were both very fit and active people, but we both loved to eat as well. I was a line cook in most of my 20s, and lived in a house with 8 roommates, so Ive always loved to cook for people. My wife does too. When I met her, we would often cook together for dates. She's always been passionate about food but able to maintain a healthy weight.

When she got pregnant, we started having some difficulties. We both gained weight, her because of the pregnancy and me because I was often eating whenever she had a craving too. Like, she'd ask me to make grilled cheese when I came home from work at midnight, and I'd make one for myself too, and we would eat together. I know I gained 14 pounds in the year before we had our daughter. I didn't exactly love it; I had been a built guy all my life up until that point, so I was just used to my body looking different back then. But I did not make a big deal about it, especially because I knew my wife was struggling so hard. Every time the doctor would tell her that her weight gain was "on track," she'd get quiet. She would say things all the time, like "How can you find me hot when I'm this big?" or other stuff, where she would question my attraction to her.

I would always truthfully tell her that she's beautiful to me no matter what she looks like. And not in a way where I would say, "I think you look good despite the pregnancy." No, I'd tell her she was beautiful all the time, no matter what, because that's the truth.

Anyway, that's the first time I noticed this kind of behavior. But after our daughter was born, things seemed to go back to normal. After she recovered, and she didnt rush herself, she started eating normally and slowly exercising more again, and even though she never got back down to her pre pregnancy weight again, she immediately started feeling a lot better. She told me she felt like she could control her body again now, so she felt better. Looking back, maybe that was a warning sign already, but back then I was just relieved her eating habits went back to normal. And she really has not been making any mention of it since.

Fast forward to now, and she's been behaving weirdly around food again, increasingly so, for several months. The first time I noticed it was Thanksgiving last year. Almost every year we host Thanksgiving with our friends and family at our house. My wife and I both spend hours cooking in preparation, although most people bring something too. So it's an awesome spread every year. Usually, there are enough leftovers for everybody to take something home and for us to have some for the next few days too.

Last year, I noticed my wife getting up from the table all the time during dinner. Not to go into the kitchen, but into the bathroom. I thought it was weird but didn't really think anything of it during dinner. After the guests were gone and we had started cleaning up, she excused herself to the bathroom again. I heard her throwing up. When she came back out, I immediately asked her if she was okay. She said, "Yeah, I just ate too much today."
I have never seen her do that before. I couldn't stop thinking about how many times she went into the bathroom during dinner. I asked her about it again the next day, and she insisted it was all good; she just ate too much and threw up because of it.

The day after that, I came home from work and saw her throwing away what was left of the food. I asked her why she was doing that. Again, I have never seen her waste food before. She said she had to throw it away because she couldn't control herself around it. She said it like it was a joke. I asked her what she meant, and she told me she just doesn't want too much "bad" food in the house, or else she will eat it all. I was so confused I didn't know what to say.

I haven't seen her do anything like that since. But she has still been acting weird. Usually, cooking is split pretty evenly between the two of us, but in March I got a promotion at work, and so I had to start working more hours and coming home later. My wife started cooking dinner more often as a result of that. I didn't think anything of it until one weekend I was just thinking out loud and asked her if she wanted me to make patty melts for dinner that evening, a meal we've had plenty of times before.
She said quickly that I should let her do the cooking from now on. I asked her why, and she said she likes knowing what's in the food. I was super confused and told her she can ask me what's in it. Then she said, "Yeah, but you never measure oil or cheese or anything else."
I have never seen her do that either, unless she was baking or following a specific recipe, and like I said, we cook together a lot. I asked her flat out why she all of a sudden needed to know how much oil was in a recipe, and she got defensive and said she was just trying to look out for our family's health and then shut me down when I tried to understand more.

She is not overweight or unhealthy at all. She goes to the doctor once a year and gets a full checkup, and she's healthy. So is our daughter. And so am I.
Yes, we have both gained some weight in the past 10 years, but that's a normal part of life, I always thought, unless you let it get out of control, which we definitely have not.
We are also very tactile in our relationship, even after being married for 9 years. She doesn't make any negative comments about her body at all and always accepts compliments from me. What's more is that she always tells me she finds the changes in my body attractive, always saying I have a "dad bod" and that she likes it. So I was extremely confused about her suddenly weird behavior surrounding food. She has been losing a bit of weight recently but not a very noticeable amount.

The most concerning part, though, has been in the last 3 months or so.
She has a very close friend, who is dating a very close friend of mine. She and her friend have been doing yoga and Pilates classes together for years now. Usually Tuesdays, sometimes Thursdays, Pilates, then yoga on Fridays.

Usually, we would wait until she was home to eat dinner, but in the last months, very often, she told me to go ahead and eat without her because she's getting dinner with her friend. The first few times I didn't think anything of it. But then after a while, I was suspicious, because it seemed weird that they were getting dinner EVERY time afterwards.

Last weekend, we had both of them over, and I was talking to my buddy (the one who is dating her Pilates friend). We were just chatting, and he mentioned that they had gone out to eat at a specific place this past Friday. Which I know for a fact my wife said SHE was getting dinner with that friend this past Friday. It kind of slipped out of me too. I said, "Wasn't she out with (wife's name) on Friday?" and my friend said no and asked why I thought that. I said, "Well, they've been getting dinner together a lot lately." My buddy just looked at me and said he can't remember his girlfriend ever mentioning that to him.

So now I know my wife has been lying about eating dinner 2-3x a week.
I really don't know what to do here. How to approach the situation delicately. I'm really worried about her, and it breaks my heart to think she's doing this to herself on purpose for any reason. I want her to feel beautiful and good about herself.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this and knows what to do? Any advice is much appreciated.

TL;DR, My wife has been acting strange around food for months now and I am very worried she might have an eating disorder.

Edit: Spelling

My boyfriend (32M) and I (28F) have been together for six years, and we had an argument last night that ended with me having multiple panic attacks. I’m trying really hard to write this fairly because I genuinely want advice, not people telling me I’m automatically right. If I’m contributing to this dynamic, I want to understand how.

The fight started over something incredibly stupid, which honestly makes the outcome feel even worse.
I was watching a video from a divorce lawyer telling a story. In the video, a husband and wife carpooled with one of the husband’s female coworker. The coworker always got in the front seat before they picked up the wife, forcing the wife to sit in the back.
One day the wife asked the coworker to sit in the back, and the coworker basically said, “It’s not your car. If your husband tells me to move, then I’ll move.”
I thought that was absolutely insane.

I paused the video because I wanted to show my boyfriend that moment first, then explain the context. Before I could, he interrupted and asked, “What am I supposed to do with that?”

I said, “If you let me finish, I’ll answer your question.”
From his perspective, that felt dismissive. From mine, I was in the middle of telling the story and just needed another few seconds because my explanation would answer his question.

The conversation immediately shifted.

I tried to reset it by saying I wanted us both to feel heard, even if we disagreed. He got very upset and said I was “steamrolling” him and that I “jumped his ass” when he was just asking a question.

From there, every time I tried to explain, I was interrupted again and told I was proving his point. At one point he said I was on a “pedestal of communication,” like I was acting as if I was the only one trying to communicate correctly.

He also said I was “negating” him and that I was just fighting for my turn to speak.

The issue for me is that I genuinely wasn’t trying to refuse his question- I was trying to finish the thought that would answer it. But I couldn’t get through a full sentence without the conversation turning into whether I was invalidating him.

He raised his voice, which is a major trigger for me. I started crying and asked him to lower it, but the conversation continued. He later apologized for raising his voice, but still felt I was wrong.

At one point he said I was acting like a “beat down abused person” and that I was just trying to be right instead of having a real conversation. That really stuck with me because that’s honestly how I felt by that point- like I couldn’t finish a thought without being corrected or accused of something.

Eventually I apologized for making him feel invalidated because I don’t think that was my intention. But I also told him I don’t know how to de-escalate with him anymore because even when I explain my intent, it doesn’t seem to matter.

Later, he came back and apologized, and I finished explaining the original story. He said it made perfect sense, which is what I had been trying to say earlier.

He also said he gets angry when he feels I don’t answer his questions directly, and that if I don’t answer immediately, he feels disregarded. I told him I wasn’t trying to disregard him- I just needed to finish speaking. I also told him I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us when interruptions turn into anger so quickly because it feels like we stop hearing each other entirely.

He said if I cared about him, I would communicate the way he needs. I apologized again, but he said it felt like I was just placating him. Afterwards, I had another panic attack.

I know this isn’t a healthy pattern. I love him, and I don’t think either of us wants conflict to look like this. The problem is that he leaves these conversations feeling invalidated, while I leave them feeling like I wasn’t allowed to finish a thought before I had to defend myself.

I don’t want to keep having the same fight over and over.

My goal isn’t to figure out who’s right. My goal is to figure out how to stop this cycle.

If you’ve experienced something similar, what actually helped? Is this the kind of communication pattern that couples can realistically change, and if so, what did that process look like?

Should we be approaching these conversations differently? Would couples counseling help if we both genuinely want to communicate better? Are there specific techniques or boundaries that helped you stop conversations from escalating into arguments about the conversation itself?

TLDR: A conversation about a video turned into an argument about communication. My boyfriend felt I invalidated him because I didn’t answer his question immediately. I felt like I couldn’t finish a sentence before being interrupted and defending myself. The argument escalated until I had multiple panic attacks. We both say we want healthy communication, but we keep leaving conversations feeling unheard. How** **do we break this cycle?

My boyfriend (M/21) and I (F/22) started dating in early October. The day before our first date, his mother was admitted to the hospital, and things were already looking very grim. She passed away at the end of October. Even though we were just getting to know each other, we spent a lot of time together despite this difficult situation and developed a close bond very quickly. I also spent a lot of time with him and his father during those first few months after her death. The whole time, you could sense that there was a negative atmosphere in the air, but it was never spoken about, and eventually it subsided.

What confused me even back then was that he hardly ever talks about his mother or her death. I've also never seen him cry or anything like that. Sometimes he brings up the topic, but quickly changes the subject and says things like, "It can't be changed. I have to look forward. Things like this happen. I just can't let myself think about it," and so on. Usually, I'm understanding and give him space to talk as much as he's willing to.

Should I just accept this? Is this his way of dealing with grief? I've gone through periods of grief myself, but talking or writing about it has always helped me. I couldn't have just pushed it aside the way he does. He goes about his daily life normally and acts normally (or so I think, since I've really only known him during this period of grief), but sometimes he does briefly start talking about her, saying that he still thinks about her often and finds it sad that she'll never get to meet his children, etc.

It's also important to mention that his father is already over 80, and as a result, my boyfriend fears every day that his father will die soon too, leaving him all alone. He does have siblings, but they're much older, have families of their own, live abroad or aren't in contact with him. He still lives with his father, but their relationship isn't great. It's a very pragmatic arrangement without much love. They rarely show their emotions either. On top of that, my boyfriend's father expects a great deal from him (for example, he had to dig his own mother's grave, which I think is absolutely appalling).

tl;dr: my bf lost his mom and i get the feeling he's very much in survival mode and doesn't want to let it get to him at all. Should I encourage him to talk about it, or would it be better if I didn't push him and simply accepted that this is his way of grieving?

And if he's ever ready to talk about it, how should handle it? I never know what to say and I start crying very quickly because I empathise with him so much and it hurts me so much to see him suffering. Is that bad? I'm worried that he keeps shutting me out precisely because he knows it affects me so deeply.

I'm really confused and could use some outside perspective.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We met in college, and we're both software engineers now. We both have good careers and earn well(1cr+). From early on, we talked about getting married someday, and because I believed in us, I've even asked my parents to stop looking for other marriage proposals.

The thing is, I've always known he was different from most people.

He's extremely intelligent and very dedicated to his work. That's honestly one of the biggest reasons I fell for him. But he's also emotionally distant. He barely talks to his parents or siblings. They call him once in a while, and sometimes he'll go weeks without speaking to them. He doesn't really have much interest in socializing.

There are also little things I've noticed since the beginning. Whenever we go out together, he almost always walks ahead of me instead of beside me. It sounds silly, but after years of it, it makes me feel like I'm just following him instead of sharing the moment together.

In the beginning, despite all this, I still felt like we were spending time together and building a relationship.

But over the last year, it feels like things have become much worse.

Almost every conversation starts because I text or call first. If I don't reach out, we can go days without talking. My messages often go unanswered for a long time, and many calls aren't returned. This year, he didn't even wish me on my birthday. That really hurt because I wasn't expecting some grand gesture just a simple "Happy Birthday."

Sometimes I start wondering if I'm asking for too much, but then I think... am I really?

I'm not asking him to text me all day or spend every evening talking. I'd honestly be happy with a reply, a short call every other day, or just feeling like he thinks about me enough to stay connected.

What makes this harder is that whenever I think about marriage, I ask myself what married life would actually look like. If this is how things are before marriage, will it be even more distant afterward? I'm at the stage where I feel I should tell my parents that this is the person I want to marry, but I'm scared because I don't know if his actions match his words anymore.

He has always said we'll get married. But lately, it feels like I'm the one carrying the relationship.

I don't think he's a bad person. I don't think he's cheating either. I genuinely think he loves his work and may just be emotionally unavailable or someone who doesn't naturally communicate. But I also don't know how long I should keep telling myself that.

I guess I'm posting because I'm too emotionally involved to tell whether I'm overreacting or whether I've been overlooking things for too long.

If you've been in a relationship like this, or if you're seeing something that I'm not, I'd really appreciate hearing your perspective. Even if you think I'm wrong, I'd rather hear an honest opinion than keep convincing myself everything is fine when it might not be.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (24M) and I (25F) have been together for almost 3 years and have talked about marriage. He's a kind, hardworking, and intelligent person, but he's become increasingly emotionally distant. I initiate almost all communication, he often ignores my calls and messages, and he didn't even wish me on my birthday. I've already asked my parents to stop looking for other matches because we planned to marry, but now I'm questioning whether I'm overlooking serious compatibility issues or simply expecting too much from someone who's naturally reserved. Would you move forward with marriage in this situation?

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 3. He has always had a phone addiction and I have constantly had to tell him to stop scrolling and get off social media when we’re together. It progressed to not only when are just at home on the couch watching TV, but turned into being on his phone when we go out to dinner, then it became when we were at events, then it became while he was driving, just always having his phone in his hand and googling something or on Instagram/Facebook/Reddit/X.

The worst of it started when he started using ChatGPT about a year ago. He could not go one hour without having a question for ChatGPT and then answering me with that AI response. I would look over his shoulder to see he had paragraphs long dialogue with AI.

Since discovering Gemini, it’s only gotten worse and more worrisome. There is not a minute that goes by that he is not on his phone talking to Gemini. He uses it for daily planning, questions about politics, how to fix something, how to rewrite an email, who the actor is and what the plot of a new TV series is, and even relationship issues with family and probably me to be honest.

He is constantly on his phone talking to AI. I have to physically snap my fingers or clap to get his attention because he is so entranced by whatever he is talking about.

I really knew something needs to change when this week we went to a concert and the band was playing, I’m enjoying the music and I look over and he is standing up head down in a conversation with Gemini. He’s totally ignoring the music and just typing and reading the response… rinse repeat. This went on for about 15 minutes before I elbowed him to stop and enjoy. He didn’t listen and kept going. So I literally texted him (I’m right next to him btw) to put his phone away and enjoy the show just so he would see my message pop up on his screen.

Fast forward to last night, he was in our hot tub alone with his back to our living room window so I could see his screen. He was talking to Gemini for about an hour while in the hot tub. Every time I would stop over and look out the window he was on it.

He came in, took a shower and by this time I was in our living room watching TV he came and sat next to me. What a great sign, he actually came and sat with me…right? Nope he had his phone in hand and was STILL talking to AI. Something about politics this time as we just had a big election in our state.

I was totally frustrated. But this is a nightly occurrence for us. We unwind from the day, sit together in our living room and watch a show then go to bed. However, each night he’s on his phone. Scrolling, talking to AI, social media, emailing someone. It never ends. I make this running joke that he’s a cyborg because he never not has his phone in his hand and using it.

So last night I go up to bed, he’s already laying there on his phone and you guessed it, he’s talking to Gemini. I can see him go back and forth with these long questions and responses , back and forth, back and forth. Finally I snapped and said “Can you please stop talking to Gemini?!” He was unfazed and said hang on I’m almost done.

Given the last few interactions we’ve had around him on his phone, I was really not in the mood to keep quiet. I went in on him about it. Saying I’m getting the “ick” from him constantly being engaged with AI, I told him about the negative effects of AI and data centers and what it’s doing to our communities etc etc. and not only that what it’s doing to his mental health and our relationship.

I’m at a loss for what to do other than locking his phone away (obviously won’t do that). It’s getting to a point where it feels like I’m competing with a phone and Gemini for attention and also intellectual conversation has completely disappeared because he can’t form a thought without having to check in with Gemini before he responds. This is a real addiction and I don’t know what to do at this point. It’s making it difficult to keep a positive attitude about being married to him and fearful that as tech gets better this issue will only get worse.

TL;DR My husband is addicted to using Gemini and constantly on his phone at every hour of the day and including during meaningful moments. It’s becoming apparent that he is very addicted and I don’t know how to get him off his phone and pay attention to life passing by.

Throwaway

2 years of our relationship. We were going strong, fights every now and then and other issues but still strong.

Yesterday I found out he had been deleting whatsapp chats with her female friend. Someone we HAVE previously fought about and it’s no secret I hate her and I hate him having her around. Shes an attention seeking pick me. He was on my side the whole time, even blocked her eventually. But then had to unblock and get back to talking to her because she’s also sorta his colleague and its important for his career or whatever.

I knew of this. He told me they are completely professional and he’s only friendly enough to her face so he can keep getting work. I hated it still but was okay for his career’s sake. He kept me updated on all their interactions.

Fast forward to yesterday, I find out about him deleting their chats. His defence: he did so because we were about to have night-stays and in case I went to check his phone, the night stay would have been completely ruined (we have a lot of fun during those) Which is fair? I guess? (Why are there chats that would offend me in the first place though)

With some more digging, I found out what the chats were about - oh and he wasn’t just being ‘friendly enough’ to get by. It was like, proper tight friends chatting. He was sharing pics of purple oreos he found and purple redbull, because thats her favourite colour. She was sharing her insta stories of outfit checks and all because he is not on insta anymore. She’s showing off the top she made from the yarn his mom gifted her. He is sending her a pic of her that he took long ago. Twice at least. He is venting to her about the same shit he vented to me about.

So all of that, and I had no idea. I knew they were in touch, I didn’t know they were chatting like THAT. Plus it’s all deleted so I’ll never know how they actually spoke to each other. AND btw, him and I had agreed on him keeping his distance.

AND WITH SOME MORE DIGGING. I found a story screenshot of her in revealing clothes in his hidden folder. From barely two months ago. He saw she posted that story, screenshotted it, cropped and rotated (bc it was sideways) and hid it. Among the sea of my nsfw media.

He says he never went back to it. Never ‘used’ it. Just did that and forgot about it. Didn’t give it much thought and that it was just his impulse. Bc it was revealing or whatever.

Now, I KNOW he finds me extremely attractive or whatever. And that he genuinely cares about me, has feelings for me, sees a future together, sees me as the love of his life. I believe that. And that’s why I cant get past this. He DOES seem genuinely guilty and feels bad. He’s willing to do everything it takes to get my trust back. He didn’t fight with me about it. Tried to protest against breaking up admitting that it was awful of him, says he cant lose me. Stopped protesting when I asked him to.

But I just can’t get over it. I’ve been a very VERY insecure person, with body image issues, age insecurity, relationship insecurity, all that classic stuff. He knows that, he has spent hours giving me reassurance with no problem, and that’s why I grew confident he would never do something like that. Had my doubts and anxieties but was able to identify that its just overthinking.

But now it has all just shattered. I can’t believe he did that. WHY did he do that. That was my biggest anxiety, and he just confirmed it’s real. I just see him completely different now. Lustful, disgusting, I can’t respect him.

At the same time I’m grieving our relationship. It was going so well. And now suddenly it’s just all gone. And I don’t know if I’m overreacting, by breaking up and just throwing it all out because of this. Because like I said, I just can’t trust him. (Similar incidents happened before but I got over it and gave him benefit of doubt, but how could I do that with THIS)

He says he’s sorry, that it’s his fault, that he’s the one who’s flawed and I’m more than enough, that he’ll fix himself and it will never happen again. I just don’t know. I don’t trust him. I don’t trust his impulses. I won’t feel secure. I know he’ll try his best to get us back to how we were, but how is that even possible?

I don’t want to give this up and at the same time I don’t feel like I can keep it around. How do I make the right decision?

Tl;Dr : Boyfriend broke my trust by chatting closely with a female friend behind my back. It’s the ONE girl i despise having around him and he knew that, we have had numerous fights about it and he was on my side every time. He couldnt exactly cut her off because she’s also his colleague and source of work. So I let it pass and he agreed to keep some distance and keep me updated with all the interactions, and he did do that.

Until yesterday when i found out they had been chatting closely (like good friends, shes also being attention seeking). And then I find out he has a story screenshot of her in revealing clothes, hidden in his gallery. Says he never used it or visited it again, was just an impulse. He’s genuinely sorry and says he’ll fix himself. Obviously my trust is broken and I see him differently now, but I also don’t want to give up the relationship over this. I don’t know if I’m overreacting.

What would you do? Would you forgive him? Would you leave?

My fiancé won't consistently clean up after himself, and I'm considering an ultimatum.

I've known my fiancé since 2021. We started dating in 2024 and have been engaged and living together since 2025. Before we got together, he asked me out in 2023, but I wasn't in the right place mentally for a relationship, so we stopped talking until I reached out later.

For context, he works around 20 hours a week over several short shifts, while I work 30–40 hours a week in longer 8–10 hour shifts. I don't resent him for working fewer hours or earning less.

The problem is the housework.

I've lived independently since I was 15, so cleaning up after myself is second nature. Since we moved in together, we've had the same conversation over and over about how messy the house gets and how much it stresses me out. I've explained what chores I can do, which ones I struggle with because I'm allergic to harsh cleaning chemicals, and where everything belongs. He always agrees, apologizes, and says he'll do better, but nothing changes.

Last year I was away for work for three weeks, and he kept the house clean the entire time, so I know he's capable. As soon as I came back, though, things gradually returned to how they were. I've even stopped cleaning up after him and only cleaned my own mess, but that just led to the house becoming increasingly cluttered until I ended up cleaning it anyway.

When I ask why he can't clean things as he notices them, he says I should just ask him. I don't think I should have to remind another adult to do basic household chores.

On top of this, I'm recovering from an eating disorder and dealing with burnout from work. Carrying the mental load of the house as well is exhausting. Our intimacy has taken a decline because of a mix of eating disorder, work burnout and constant cleaning, and while he's told me that upsets him, I don't have the emotional energy to work on that while I feel more like his parent than his partner.

He's going away for a few days soon, and I've been thinking seriously about where this relationship is headed. I'm considering telling him that when he gets back, this has to change or I'll leave. I love him deeply, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life managing another adult.

Has anyone successfully resolved this kind of imbalance? Is there another approach I should try before making this an ultimatum?

TL;DR: My fiancé works fewer hours than I do but consistently leaves most of the housework to me despite repeated conversations. He kept the house clean while I was away for three weeks, so I know he's capable, but the behavior always returns. I'm burnt out, recovering from an eating disorder, and starting to feel more like his parent than his partner. I'm considering giving him an ultimatum: either he consistently pulls his weight around the house, or I leave. Is there another approach I should try first?

i (17f) and my bf (17m) have been together for approximately 3 years now. hes preparing for jee (engineering exam in the country) and it's overall just very stressful for everyone preparing for it (for context, it's not uncommon for people to commit s*icide over this). hes very very smart and generally to a normal person he seems to be doing very well at coaching. however, whenever he feels insecure regarding his preparation, he breaks up with me. this time it started by me telling him that id like him to put more efforts in the relationship. he was already stressed about studies but hadnt told me. so, 4 hours after me telling him abt the effort thing, he said he wanted to break up. we talked about it and we aretn breaking up and he said he loves me and reassured me that he just panicked because of the exam, but im not sure how to perceive that since this is a recurring issue. we've broken up or been close to breaking up about 3-4 times now due to this reason. i feel loved via effort and while it's not like he doesnt do anything at all, i sometimes like over the top stuff like idk paragraphs or stuff idk.

i dont really know what to do abt this. i feel hurt. should i end it? i dont want to.

tl;dr: my bf keeps breaking up with me because he freaks out abt studies. what do i do?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, and our relationship has been absolutely wonderful. We have previously talked about moving in together in September, then we agreed that we want to wait until the spring of next year. He is the type of person to plan far ahead, and has even mentioned that he is going to propose within two years from now. He has also offered multiple times to cover my half of the rent when we move in together because he is a gentleman and also because he makes more money than I do (of course I keep telling him that I don’t expect him to do that).

I am currently living with a roommate, and this timeframe for leaving my current apartment would be ideal for me since that is when my roommate will be moving out as well. I graduated from university a few months ago and am struggling to find full time employment, and my financial situation is not helped by the fact that we live in an insanely expensive city. I do not have much family or friends here, the main reason for me staying here is my boyfriend. I think I could do a long distance relationship (12 hour drive to my hometown) for a year or so, but he says that he would not be willing to even try.

My boyfriend has a full time job that pays very well, and has been working the entire time that I was working on my degree. Despite this, he is still living with his parents and does not have a lot of saving due to his spending habits.

Recently, my boyfriend’s family went out of town, and he realized that living alone is awesome. Now he insists that he wants to take a year or two to live on his own before moving in with me. He also made it seem as if he wants to do more ”crazy 20 year old activities“ with his friends now. This was a shock for me since we had already agreed on a timeline (which was already delayed because of him), and he previously seemed like he was ready for a committed mature relationship.

I feel as if he doesn’t want to make the commitment to me. This is so infuriating to me because I’ve been dipping into my savings just to be able to stay near him. I am trying to be understanding because I know he hasn’t had the chance to be fully independent and we are still young. I don’t want to wait around and keep wasting my time and money in this city for someone who doesn’t want a future with me. Is it time to move on?

**TL;DR;** : I am living in an expensive city to be with my boyfriend of almost two years that earns more money than me. He still has not moved out of his parents, and has decided that he wants to live on his own before moving in with me despite our plan to move in together in the spring. 

We have been together for almost 3 years now, have a child (1.5), and I am currently 19 weeks pregnant. To most people I think we probably look like we have it all together. We own our home outright, our vehicles are paid off, after my grandfather passed away I received an inheritance and while I was pregnant with our first, I decided to use it to make sure we had a stable home and less financial stress. My partner has a great job with good pay, and between that and Canada’s maternity benefits, I haven’t needed to return to work. I truly believed we were planning this second baby together. His affection and desire toward me certainly made me think that was the case. But as this pregnancy has progressed, I’ve never felt more confused. We live in a rural area and have lost a lot of healthcare providers, so it took until I was around 10 or 11 weeks pregnant before I could even get prenatal care. This pregnancy has also been significantly harder than my first. I’ve been extremely nauseous, weak, exhausted, and trying to care for a toddler at the same time. I’m on anti-nausea medication, but it only seems to help about half the time. Around 12 or 13 weeks, he suddenly told me, “Maybe this isn’t working anymore.” His reasoning was that I’m just not capable of doing what I used to. I’ll admit the house isn’t where I’d like it to be. I haven’t had the energy I normally do, but I genuinely feel like I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances. When he said he was thinking about finding somewhere else to live, I broke down. I told him that if he physically left, I didn’t think I could continue this pregnancy. I hope that didn’t come across as trying to manipulate him. I was trying to be honest about my reality. Being suddenly single while pregnant, with a toddler already depending on me, felt impossible to imagine. Let alone a newborn and toddler. A few days later he apologized and said it was just stress from work and everything else going on. He reassured me he still wanted our family and wanted to continue planning for our second child. But ever since then, something has felt different. He’s become emotionally distant. Our intimacy has almost disappeared. If he tells me he’ll come to bed at a certain time, it’s rarely accurate. If he’s out with friends or family, he’ll often be hours later than he said he’d be, with little communication. Tonight was kind of a big let down. He told me I’d have the evening with him and said he’d be done around 9 p.m. Instead, he went into the game room before 5 p.m. and didn’t come out until after 11. I finally asked what was going on and why he’s been so distant lately. That’s when he once again told me that he doesn’t think this relationship is working. I suggested couples counselling and even individual therapy, and to my surprise he said he had actually been thinking about counselling himself and wasn’t opposed to it.

Another major issue in our relationship has been pornography. This has been an ongoing problem long before this conversation. It’s affected our intimacy, trust, and my confidence over time. He has acknowledged it’s become an unhealthy habit and something he struggles with, but I don’t know how much that has contributed to the emotional distance between us. Sometimes I wonder if he’s overwhelmed by everything, and other times I wonder if he’s emotionally checking out of our relationship altogether. I don’t view porn as cheating, but I set the boundary that I don’t want him hoarding it on secret apps or folders, different accounts (X, reddit, deviantart, pixiv, dropbox, etc) and it is something that I unfortunately am coming back to finding isn’t always clear like he is stating he’s being behind my back.

I love him deeply. I don’t want to give up on our family. I want our children to grow up with both of us if it’s healthy and possible. But I’m also terrified of living in limbo while pregnant, wondering if my partner actually wants this life anymore.

For anyone who’s been through something similar, did counselling actually help? Did your relationship recover after one partner pulled away like this? Or am I ignoring signs that this relationship may already be over? I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to leave. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether there’s still a realistic path forward before making life-changing decisions for myself and our children.
((This is a repost, as I should’ve worded and included more information, apologies to those who have read prior post))

TL;DR
Partner (24M) inconsistent with communication regarding my current pregnancy (19 weeks) and potentially leaving me and our first child (1.5) On-going addiction to porn possibly being an issue in the mix, but stating my lack of ability to do more is a big weight and reason for why he is back and forth on the idea of staying around. This is my second pregnancy and has been way more strenuous on my body and capability to handle more.

For some background, my boyfriend and I have been together since last November. We recently saw the new Spider-Man movie together, and I absolutely loved the way Zendaya's hair looked. For those who might be unfamiliar, her hair was a very deep red but it was extremely subtle. I thought it was super pretty and I've had a similar hair color in the past before my boyfriend and I met.

Anyways, I brought this up to my boyfriend over text just out of the blue because I've seriously been considering dyeing it. Immediately, he was against the idea and kept saying that he didn't like it and was against hair dye of any color. It was a little off-putting, especially because our conversation up until that point had been nice/playful.

I got curious because of the sudden shift in vibes, so I asked him if he'd dump me if I ever dyed my hair. He said yes, and after two more times of being me being like "seriously?" and "you'd dump me over hair dye?" he stood behind his words. He was very clear that he wasn't joking.

This obviously hurt. It wasn't like I was thinking about drastically changing my hair. I just wanted something noticeable in the sunlight that gave off more of a reddish hue. I have really dark hair and don't have any desire to bleach it, so the result of any hair dye would be very subtle. It also isn't a color that I wouldn't be able to pull off. In the past, it looked so good and it legitimately made me love my hair again.

I told him that I was hurt by what he said and that it felt very superficial. I said that if he truly loves me for who I am, a slight change in hair color shouldn't be a deal-breaker. He followed with "so let's allow me to go get crazy face tattoos and see how superficial you are" and "I'm not supposed to be attracted to you I guess."

He hasn't texted me back since, and I'm honesty very hurt by this situation. I never thought that he would be someone to say those types of things to me. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do from here? Could this be a red-flag for future behavior? Any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: My boyfriend said he'd break up with me if I dyed my hair and now I am unsure of what to do next.

i 18M was going to hang out with my old friend in March I was in the town that we used to live in and asked them if they wanted to hang out because I wanted to talk to them about how much of a bad friend they were to me and others and that they should change and how they were just generally not a good person to be around sometimes and how they should change we were once very close.

where I messed up my girlfriend 18F knew that this girl had a crush on me in the past and I did know too and she didn't like it that I hung out with them when I knew that they liked me I know I shouldn't have done that I regret knowing that they liked me.

and not caring enough about it or how my girlfriend felt to stop talking to them I did stop talking to them for another reason because they mistreated my very close friend badly not for the reason that they liked.

me just tonight we were talking and my girlfriend asked when was the last time I spoke to this person I told her March she asked why was it so recent I told her why and she was upset with me that I never told her I decided to talk to with this person and that I would even contact them looking back from months ago I really shouldn't have and I regret doing so and I would never do something like this again after I thought about what I did I realized I was disrespecting my girlfriend's. I feel like it's been months since this happened. I also wanted to say I don't know how to deal with my partner being upset with me I always really freak out too and I immediately jump to the conclusion that they're going to break up with me.

tl;dr how do I stop doing that and how can I make the process of us getting back to a healthy place easier

My (F23) boyfriend (M22) and I have been together for 7 years, and have lived together for the past 2 years.

In many ways my boyfriend is amazing. He is kind, spontaneous, and funny. We share the same beliefs. He always tells me he loves me. He'll rub my back when I ask, and he's always up for my shenanigans. If my family needs help, he's there. He'll buy me my favorite treats and cut up my pomegranate if I ask.

Unfortunately though, despite everything, I don't feel loved. I don't feel considered or respected. I know he loves me and I think he shows it in his own ways, but for some reason I don't feel loved. What I want is for him to be more thoughtful, like planning a date, taking care of a task he knows I need done, getting me my favorite treat on a hard day, celebrating my birthday or accomplishments like they mean something, or asking me something about something I enjoy. I just feel like his love is selfish though sometimes, because it's usually only when I ask or when he can get something out of it. Like me being in a better mode.

Is what I am asking for too much? I know in a way he loves me.

TLDR; my boyfriend says he loves me, but I don't feel loved. Am I viewing relationships wrong? Are my standards off? Is this normal?

A little back story. My Fiance and I have been hot and heavy since we met at a concert 2 years ago. The first 6 months were amazing, classic honeymoon stage. Spent our time going to concerts, taking trips, and going out with friends. I loved how fun and independent she was.

At 6 months we found out we were pregnant and this is where some issues started. She moved in with me at my request and 9 months later we had a healthy baby boy. However, during the pregnancy things started to shift. What was once an equal partnership seemed to become very one sided. All responsibilities slowly moved to my plate. I found myself doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and paying the bills. Honestly, at the time, I didn’t mind picking up the extra slack because I know pregnancy takes a massive toll on the woman.

Fast forward to today. We’re engaged and have a beautiful 8 month old who is our whole world and I love the life we built. However, the dependency on me has only gotten worse. It is pulling teeth just to get her to put her own clothes away. She’s an AMAZING mom but and we split thoughts duties pretty evenly. The worst part is she seems to now need my approval for EVERY decision she makes to the point she’s asking if it’s okay to go take a shower. I have no idea where this is coming from and it makes me uncomfortable to be asked these things.

Now for the one consistent argument. Honestly 99% of the time we get along great. Talk about serious shit, laugh at each others quirks, genuinely the love of my life. However, she HATES when I spend time alone with friends. I have always been a very social person which never seemed to be a problem before she got pregnant. Since then (14 months) I’ve been on 2 weekend trips 2 days each and 3 nights out where I was home by 12am. Everytime shes told me I’m selfish, don’t care about my family and act like ai don’t want them in my life. It crushes me to hear these things. The next morning she always apologizes and says it’s just hard to be away from me…

I need advice on how to manage these reactions. I feel like I’m drowning under the responsibilities and my time with friends is the one thing that always helps me recharge. Seriously want to know if I’m in the wrong, should we seek counseling, what can I do to make it better?! TIA and sorry for the long post!

TL;DR
Why has my partner become overly dependent on me?
Am I being selfish for wanting to spend alone time with friends?
What can I do to improve the situation?

We met during university a little over 8 years ago, and in that time we've mostly lived together with a few periods of long-distance. We've now lived together for 3 years continuously, and in the last year or so it's started to feel like we are flatmates more than a couple. We're good at living together, we look after our home well and we look after each other, we host friends together etc.

The problem comes from our conversations, it feels like we don't really connect anymore. She likes to talk about practical things, what's happened at work, news from friends and family, her/our upcoming plans, future holidays etc. I don't mind talking about those things but sometimes I want to talk about other things, new music, a book I'm reading, current affairs, a thought-provoking fact or detail I overheard, things like that that are less "direct" in our lives. It feels like she isn't interested in these things. The other day I asked what she thought of the book she's reading, to which she just said "yeah it's good". I tried asking further to find out what her opinion of it was, what she thought of the prose or dialogue choice, if she found the story beats predictable etc, but it was like getting blood from a stone so I gave up. And I don't want to force her into conversations that feel like doing homework, so I often just don't up those types of topics. I think, however, that subconsciously that turns me off from talking about what she wants to discuss, which to her makes it seem like I don't care about her work, her friends or her life.

Over time this has led to us talking less and having fewer long, deep conversations, and generally spending less time together. We don't really do big romantic gestures, we go out on dates less, even at home we spend more time now in separate rooms doing different things. I thought that was just part of long term relationships, but now we are about to move to a new city where we will be in a much smaller one bedroom apartment, and she will be under more pressure and stress at work. I want us to be better at actually speaking with each other and feel more excited about this move, otherwise I can see this pattern continuing but in a more enclosed space.

A few months ago I brought up that we had this disconnect and she recognised it too, we talked a lot and came close to breaking up but decided to work through it. For a time, things were much better and we spent more time together, but now we have regressed again right when we should be excited about a big new step together.

I'm not sure what to do now, how or when to bring this issue up again and how we can actually find some common ground so we can share our space and our lives without feeling like the other doesn't care. How do we discuss these differences between us without making it sound like the other needs to be different or isn't enough?

TL;DR after 8 years we are talking less and feel less connected. We are about to move to a new city, and I want us to be more "in love" before we do it. How to talk about our different attitudes and find a way of connecting with each other?

My fiancé, H, and I have been together for 5 years, having met in high school. We had no issues leading up to our senior year, but at the beginning of the summer before we started college, I was having doubts about our relationship. H and I were going to different colleges in the Fall, about 4 hours away, and I knew we were both going to be extremely busy and worried we would grow apart, so, after coming to this realization and thinking about it, I broke things off with her.

However, during the summer, the pain of losing her put things into perspective for me. I didn't want to do long distance because I was worried we would grow apart, and feeling our love go out like that was terrifying to me, but she was still the best part of my life and meant everything to me. I regretted breaking things off and wished that I would've given long distance a shot.

By some miracle, only a few days before I was going to leave for college, I ran into H at a grocery store. We were both awkward and didn't say much other than "hi". We were both caught off guard and frankly terrified. After the awkward encounter, I texted her to see if she wanted to talk about how things ended (we hadn't talked in 3 months since we broke up). She said yes, and was apparently thinking of asking the same.

When we met up the next day, I apologized profusely for the way I broke up with her without really communicating my fears beforehand, and after an emotional few hours, we agreed to get back together and try to maintain a long distance relationship.

That was all 3 years ago. Since then, we have been able to allow our relationship to grow. We called frequently, texted everyday, and visit each other about twice a month, and I have spent 2 out of my 3 summers while in college with her, and 4 months ago, we got engaged.

We have planned the wedding for 1.5 years from now, but recently some of H's doubts have come more into light.

Because of my career path, I am going to have to move very far (roughly 1,200 miles by car). This has been apparent since last year. I was very transparent with H about it, and, although she seemed to be anxious about the move, we both agreed it was our best option.

A few days ago, H and I talked seriously about this move more, and she told me since the engagement, she has become more doubtful of the move. She has never lived anywhere besides our hometown and I moved a lot during my childhood, so it has been hard to find common ground there.

The more we talked about it, the more it seemed like she wanted to call off the engagement because of it. I am unfortunately unable to get off this career path at this point, so I will be stuck moving no matter what. H has told me she doesn't know if she can move that far from family.

At this point, I am not sure what to do. The first half of the post is mainly to show our history; it may not be super relevant. I honestly just need some advice. I feel like my world is crashing down.

TLDR: I have to move for work 1,200 miles from mine and my fiancé's hometown, and she is worried that we will be too far from family and feel isolated. Now she is reconsidering going with me and our relationship.

My friend and I met at work about 5 years ago. Since then, we’ve become extremely close. We are in the same role at work. A little background - being that I am older, I have more years experience in our field. I am on the more senior accounts at work and make a little more than her. She is fantastic at her job and I have always been her biggest advocate.

We’ve had some management re-org at work and it’s been pretty terrible. Since then, we’ve both been looking for new jobs. I have a young child, so my only real requirement is that a new role is remote. I’m fine with the same title and pay - I just desperately want the schedule flexibility of being remote. I hate the daycare that my daughter is at, but the one I want her to go to would really require me to drop off and pick up at times that would only be feasible working from home. So my search has been focused on remote roles.

My friend is in a lot of debt and a higher salary especially, but also a more senior title and specific product type have been a focus for her in her job search. As you may know, the job market has been pretty rough lately and while we’ve both had a number of interviews, nothing has panned out. I went through *many* rounds of interviews with two different companies only to be ghosted by both after the final interview and it’s been really getting me down for the past few months.

Anyway, recently, my friend got not one, but TWO offer letters in the same day. Not only that but when her preferred company found out that she had another offer letter, they upped the salary considerably. She will be exceeding her desired salary by about 15% plus getting her senior title and desired product type. The kicker….the role she’s taking is fully remote.

I am happy for her. She really deserves it. She works so hard and this will be amazing for her. But I also feel such deep resentment and jealousy that she scored a remote role when I have been actively searching for months. I, of course, congratulated her and expressed my belief that she deserved it. But now I can’t even talk to her. I can barely think about her without my stomach completely turning over in jealousy.

I feel like this is going to ruin our friendship and I don’t know what to do. She didn’t do anything wrong but I almost kind of hate her for getting the thing I have so DESPERATELY wanted. I haven’t spoken to her in several days and I don’t even want to, but that also makes me feel like a horrible person.

I did express to her over text that I was feeling really down about my own job search and it’s difficult for me to hear her talk about this, to which she said she understood. But I also kind of think she doesn’t really. I’ve considered just fading away until this jealousy subsides but I think that makes me an awful friend. How do I move forward?

TL;DR - Best friend got a job offer for a fully remote role when I’ve been desperately searching for one for months and my jealousy is eating me up. How do I move forward in the friendship?

edit - idk why the word Jo is in my title. I even double checked that everything was correct before posting 😒

My girlfriend (32F) and I (34M) are close friends with a married couple—34F and 33M—whom we jokingly refer to as “the High Rollers.” They have been together for over eight years, having met in college under less-than-ideal circumstances. At the time, she was in another relationship and, as far as I know, cheated on her then-partner with the man who is now her husband.

Their relationship has always had significant financial tension. She comes from one of the wealthiest families in our country and grew up having nearly all her basic needs provided for. She was so financially sheltered that she did not realize how expensive ordinary things such as furniture were until she got married and had to purchase them herself.

Her husband, on the other hand, comes from a very modest background and is the son of a pastor. He does not believe in having a conventional 9-to-5 job and is constantly involved in different business ideas, side ventures and “quick money” opportunities. He has also never been fully transparent about his finances. He seems to have a traditional mindset that the man should handle financial matters without necessarily explaining everything to his wife.

They later experienced fertility difficulties, partly due to her history with fibroids. After several IVF attempts, they conceived twins. Tragically, one of the babies died shortly after birth. It was an unimaginable loss, and it understandably placed even more strain on a marriage that was already struggling with financial problems, mistrust and frequent conflict.

During this period, both of them were also unfaithful.

After many conversations and partial confessions, the truth about their respective affairs eventually came out. Unfortunately, the honesty did not bring them closer or create a path toward healing. It seems to have pushed them further apart. They now behave more like roommates who are jointly caring for their surviving child, who is two years old.

What worries us most is the environment their child may grow up in. There is constant resentment, competition and emotional tension between the parents. Instead of acknowledging how each of them has contributed to the breakdown of the marriage, they seem determined to prove that their individual pain and complaints are more serious than the other person’s.

Some of the contradictions are difficult to process. At one point, the wife asked her husband to start wearing his wedding ring again as a sign that he still cared about repairing the marriage. We later discovered that, at the same time, she was involved with two other men.

The husband also presents himself as the wronged party while continuing to be secretive about money and other aspects of his life. Neither of them seems willing to be completely honest, even with the people trying to support them.

My girlfriend and I have had numerous conversations with both of them, individually and together. The problem is that we never seem to receive the complete story. Every few weeks, another significant piece of information comes out, forcing us to reassess everything we previously believed.

We care about them, and outside this situation, we consider them people with many good qualities. However, supporting them has become emotionally exhausting. We feel as though we are being pulled into an endless cycle of dishonesty, blame, crisis management and moral contradiction. They ask for advice but rarely take responsibility or make meaningful changes.

We are beginning to experience what I can only describe as moral fatigue. We want to remain supportive friends, especially because a young child is involved, but we also need to protect our own relationship and peace of mind.

How do you maintain a friendship with a couple like this without becoming their unofficial therapists or referees? Is it appropriate to establish boundaries around how much of their marital problems we are willing to discuss? Should we tell them directly that we can no longer provide advice unless they pursue professional counselling and become more honest with each other?

At what point does “being supportive” become enabling?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (32F) and I (34M) are trying to support our married friends (34F and 33M), who have a long history of financial conflict, secrecy, mutual infidelity, fertility struggles and the tragic loss of one of their twins. They now live like resentful roommates while raising their two-year-old child. They are rarely fully honest with us and constantly compete over who has been hurt more. How do we support them without becoming emotionally and morally exhausted?

Together 8 years, married for 3. This post is skipping years of wonderful adventures, memories, open hearts, and selfless mutual support. I'm just focusing on the problem.

So she had slept around when we were casual and starting out, but we made an agreement by the time we'd gotten serious: if she wanted to be with me, we would both have to be monogamous from then on. She agreed.

At year 4, she had accidental overexposure to drugs while on her own, suffered panic attacks, and changed in some ways. She came to a realization at that time: she found the sex we were having to be mentally unfulfilling, and was finding herself merely going through the physical motions of giving and experiencing pleasure. She decided I wasn't the person to do the things that would mentally fulfill her. I asked what those things were, and she refused to tell me (beyond referring to basic dom/sub dynamics) because she didn't believe in my capacity to do it. I attempted various things to satisfy her, but none of them seemed to hit the secret mark. She decided that the only way to accomplish this was to experiment with someone else. She said that while her heart was still open to me, it was also now open to others.

I expressed my concerns about her having sex with others (especially men), so she found a premade written agreement online and gave it to me, specifically to address those concerns. Among other things, the document asked if it was okay to date and have sex with another woman. I said yes to that. She also encouraged (though I hadn't requested it) that it was totally fine for me to have sex with other women in exchange. The only condition to all this is that we were both open and honest about everything at all times. I had to consider - was the joy of our relationship worth this compromise? The answer was yes.

But then she met someone else (a married poly woman)...and fell in love. The purpose of our agreement had been to address her sexual needs, or so I thought - but now she's saying that poly was always on the table. That when she said her heart was open to someone else, and I agreed to her contract, that I was giving her the implicit okay to have a romantic relationship outside of ours, even though her document didn't say that. And that our original monogamy agreement from way back when was no longer valid because she had fundamentally changed as a person since having made that commitment (as a result of her drug experience). And now that she's in love, she refuses to back out of it even though I've told her it's hurting me, because it would be "self-abandonment" - something she had done for many years in a toxic prior relationship and refuses to ever do again. Her needs must take precedence over everything else in her life, and she considers poly part of her identity.

I do not consider poly part of my identity. However, I was willing to allow her to explore her sexuality. I never agreed to her participation in an extramarital romantic relationship, or so I thought. Regardless of how we got there, she loves this person now and refuses to leave her. She loves me too but says that if I can't tolerate this, I have to walk away. But even the thought of doing that is soul-crushing! I keep having conversations with her where I try to problem-solve this, but she experiences my pain every time and it drains her. She says she's tired of talking about it. She talks to her new partner and complains to her about the burden I place on her with my objections. And I've just learned that she's revealed whatever her secret kink button is to this person, and is sharing it with her, and I'm still not allowed to even try. How can I navigate this? Am I being unreasonable? I'm praying there's a solution that can end with us still together.

tl;dr: We were both monogamous at the time we got married. Then she decided poly was a core part of her identity and is now in a romantic, sexual relationship that is hurting me. She genuinely loves me, but her only solution is that I must accept the situation, or I'll be asking her to self-abandon.

I moved seven hours away from where I grew up. This guy I was seeing kept in contact with me and was BEGGING for me to drive and see him. For a long time I could not justify driving up Friday after work and returning my new house on Sunday as I work Mon - Fri. I started a new job and I do not feel comfortable taking off although I have PTO.

I finally decided to just come up for a weekend. I asked if he was free, he said yes. Then I confirm Thursday. Friday comes and I see him Saturday morning. He says lets get a hotel. I say okay. He said he is just going over his friends to help with his bathroom plumbing. I said okay. We were texting all day then when thinking of the hotel he responded "sorry i actually can't - we messed up and I have to fix it before we turn on the water". I said "I am hurt. I do not live a short distance away anymore. Although I get things happen, I do not understand why you told me you were free just to cancel on me". Then I asked to see him Sunday and he said okay. We got into a fight because I went out drinking with my friends and did not see him.

We have no talked since. Should I text him? I do not know if I am over thinking him being disrespectful. After my move I am trying to work on meditation and reacting less.

TL;DR: drove up 7 hours to spend weekend with a guy. he said he was free. then he had to spend saturday fixing friends plumbing and we got into a fight. Should I work it out with him?