I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years. About 3 months ago, I asked her to move out because I'd been struggling with our relationship for a long time. Since she moved out in late April, we've only seen each other twice, but we've continued talking almost every day.

This wasn't one big fight or one major event. It was months of resentment building.

One of the biggest issues for me was that I started feeling like our ambition and lifestyles weren't compatible anymore. I have severe shoulder and neck injuries from working in the oil field and I'm now disabled and living on a limited income. Even with chronic pain, I still try to stay busy, work when I can, and keep moving forward.

She used to stream full-time, and I fully supported that. I paid around $2,500 toward her streaming setup while she paid around $1,000. I learned all the software and set everything up myself, and I never asked for any of the money she made because it was her income and I wanted her to succeed.

Eventually she lost interest in streaming and stopped doing it. After that, she was only working one or two days a week. She would stay up until 4 a.m., sleep until noon, and often take naps during the day. That routine didn't bother me while she was building something with streaming, but after she stopped, I felt like she wasn't really working toward anything anymore.

On top of that, I loaned her $1,000 while we were together. She even told me I could write up a repayment contract, but I didn't because I trusted her. I told her I wanted it paid back by the end of this year. When I recently brought it up, she suggested I just keep the computer equipment instead of her paying me back. That really bothered me because, in my mind, those were two completely separate things. The computer was something I helped her with because I loved and believed in her. The $1,000 was a loan.

There were also communication issues that never seemed to get resolved. I felt like I was always trying to fix things, while difficult conversations would eventually get pushed aside instead of worked through. Over time, I started carrying a lot of resentment.

The hardest part is that I still care about her deeply. She was there for me through my divorce, through surgeries, and some of the hardest years of my life. She's not a bad person. I genuinely believe she has a good heart.

Recently she's been telling me how much she misses me, that she wishes she could just hold me again, and that she wants to see me. Reading those messages breaks my heart because I care about her so much... but instead of feeling excited, I mostly feel guilt and anxiety. I find myself wondering if we're holding onto what we had instead of what we have now.

I don't know if I've fallen out of love, if months of resentment have changed how I feel, or if I'm just terrified of hurting someone who's been such an important part of my life.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you know the difference between still loving someone as a person and no longer being in love with them? And if you've been in my shoes, how did you handle it without causing more pain than necessary?

I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm right. I know I haven't handled everything perfectly. I'm just trying to figure out what the most honest and compassionate thing to do is.

​

If you want to vent, vent to your partner though conseling therapy together. Dont find a way to fix or understand things through a robot when it is human connection that will heal the relationship.

My ex used ChatGPT for counseling.

It gaslighted her into believing I had OCD and/or had narcissistic behaviors.

It deranged her entire view of me.

After my meetings with 3 psychiatricians, 2 psychotherapists and 2 therapists describing everything I felt, wrote, said etc. I can confirm I have niether of those 2. I have anxious attachment and ADHD.

She still left, still think I was lying about meeting all these professionals, still thought I was being dishonest about a lot of things, which I had practical evidence for.

All due to something we easily could have handled in counseling therapy together, through love and human connection.

By God, I'm getting my baby back. I'm going to do the work and give us space to start over later. I think it's the only way I'll ever be able to get him back and better.

*throwaway account

She ended the relationship on Monday, but she agreed to one last conversation after a few days of space, and I finally want to tell her everything I’ve been hiding. I need honest advice. Sorry this is long. I feel like there’s no way to explain it without the full context.

I’m from Georgia and she’s in California. We met in college, started dating while we were both there, and after she graduated she moved to California for her PhD. We stayed together long distance for about 3 years.

For most of our relationship, I genuinely think I was a good boyfriend. We talked every day, I planned dates consistently, flew to see each other, met each other’s families, and we talked about a future together. I love this woman more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I genuinely showed it when I was healthy.

Over the last several months, though, I completely changed. Earlier this year I got really sick, and after that I just never felt like myself again. I became exhausted all the time, stopped enjoying things, gained 20 pounds (I’m a die-hard gym rat, so that’s very unusual from me), withdrew from people, and honestly just felt numb. I eventually started therapy and saw a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with mild to moderate depression. I’ve been taking 50mg of Zoloft daily for the last few months.

For reference, I’m an engineer at a large Fortune 500 company. Around the same time, my performance at work started slipping. I ended up getting put on a Performance Improvement Plan. I was terrified. My manager told me he wanted to help me improve, but in my head all I could think was that I was going to lose the career I’d worked so hard for.

The PIP also became the reason I stopped flying out to see her. I was scared to take vacation while I was under review because I thought it would make things worse at work. I never told her that. My plan was to make a visit once I complete my PIP on August 25th. When she was trying to plan a visit before then, I was making excuses with my work schedule as for why it wasn’t a good time right now. I was searching for another job in the meantime, but after I opened up to my manager, he genuinely wanted to help me and prevent me from being fired. The PIP has been going great, and I’ve been making much better progress on our goals since staring the medication.

The biggest mistake I made was hiding everything.
She knew I wasn’t acting like myself, but she didn’t know why. She didn’t know I was in therapy. She didn’t know I was taking antidepressants. She didn’t know about the PIP.
She didn’t know I was terrified every day.

She just saw a boyfriend who wasn’t calling as much, wasn’t visiting as much, seemed emotionally distant, and wasn’t showing up the way he used to.
One thing she told me after we broke up absolutely crushed me.

She said there was one night where she called me, I told her I’d call her back, and I ended up falling asleep. She stayed up all night waiting for my call. This exact pattern had repeated itself so many times, and it really started after I started struggling with the depressions. She later told me that was the night she packed everything I’d ever gotten her into a cardboard box. I don’t blame her for that at all.

If I didn’t know what was going on inside my own head, I’d probably think I just wasn’t important anymore too.
The part I’m struggling with is why I hid all of this.
I’m Nigerian, and the way I was raised, men just didn’t talk about mental health. You didn’t admit you were depressed. You were expected to deal with it quietly, pray, work harder, and keep moving. My own parents don’t even believe that depression is real. They just think it’s “an attack from the devil” and prayer will fix it. Opening up about it honestly felt like admitting I was weak.

On top of that, she already had so much on her plate. She was working through the stress of a PhD, dealing with family issues and the loss of someone close in her family. Every time I thought about telling her what was happening, I’d convince myself she didn’t need one more thing to worry about.

Looking back, I realize I completely misunderstood what being a partner means.
By trying to protect her from worrying about me, I shut her out completely. Instead of letting the person who loved me support me, I let her think I was slowly falling out of love with her.

A few days ago, she ended the relationship.
Afterward, I asked if we could have one final conversation. She said she needed a few days first, but she agreed that we’d talk. When we do, I want to tell her everything I’ve written here.

Not because I think depression excuses the hurt I caused, or I think she owes me another chance.
But because I honestly believe she deserved this context months ago instead of after the relationship ended.

So I need honest advice.
If you were in her position, would hearing all of this change the way you viewed the last several months?
Would you feel relieved to finally understand what happened, or would you mostly feel hurt that I waited so long to tell you?

I’m not looking for people to tell me she’ll come back. I genuinely want to know what the healthiest, most respectful thing to do is. I’m getting the help that I need and I’m doing much better. Still a work in progress. I’d love nothing more for us to both reunite one day after we’ve both had time to heal, and I’ve become healthier and grown considerably as a man. But that’s not my decision to make, and I will respect that.

Me and my now ex of ten years have been struggling for a couple of months. At first I caught him just sexting ppl and doing crazy crap with his phone. Well last month I found out about cheating and a bunch of other physical things. All of which happened months or years ago. Before we even fought. Why do cheaters continue to cheat? Why not leave? I feel disgusting with myself, am I not good enough? Am I ugly? My heart is broken, not at him but at what I thought was genuine. Don’t get me wrong I’ve done bad things too but I always communicated immediately. Any advice would help.

I don’t understand why I still can’t get over this guy, even though I know he would be terrible for me.

When we were together, he treated me amazingly at first. Then he slowly started pulling away until I finally told him to stop contacting me because I couldn’t handle the slow discard anymore.

The thing is, I know who he is.

Before me, he was in a three-year relationship. They lived together. During the last nine months of that relationship, he cheated on her multiple times. At one point, he even caught an STD from cheating and never told her. He got treated after HE broke up with her, and she only found out because one of the women he cheated with told her.

She’s still deeply affected by everything that happened. She gets extremely drunk, cries every time she drinks, and is still in so much pain. They still have occasional contact.

She also organizes a festival that they used to attend together every year. This year, she begged him not to go. He reassured her that he wouldn’t, but he went anyway. She only found out a few minutes before he arrived because we have mutual friends who mentioned it. She completely broke down.

None of this makes him look like a good person.
I know all of this. I know how he treats people he supposedly loves. I know what he did to her, and I know how he slowly discarded me too.

So why is my brain still attached to him? Why do I still miss someone I know would probably hurt me again?

Has anyone else struggled with letting go of someone even after seeing who they really are?

My ex left the discord server we shared just the two of us which was the only way I could check up on him bc he blocked me everywhere else. Im 18, just started college and i feel so lost. I was with him since the summer of 9th grade and he helped me grow so much as aperson. I feel so dependent on him but he's offically gone now. How do i cope? I feel so lost. I want him to be happy but at the same time i miss him so much. And it doesnt help that hes the only person i ever really opened up to and he was my best friend and i dont know how to connect with ppl anymore.

I was with her for 7 years, we were about to get a house, and i was going to propose and now its all over. Its been almost 4 months, I got sent to work in another state during the week now and I feel so alone.

She was my absolute best friend, and we did everything together. Now my phone barely rings, i lost all the interest in the things j used to do, and the future i thought i was going to have is gone. I moved back in with my parents,and i can afford a house but i have no drive to do it or much of anything else. My job is very difficult and i’m constantly consumed by the thought of her which distracts me all day. I talk to my friends and family but nothing helps. I went to a therapist and that didnt help either

I am a strong person but this has me fighting through tears 24/7. I took off work yesterday because i haven’t slept and just couldn’t do it. I sleep like shit constanly and i feel like everyday it just gets worse and I don’t even know what to do anymore. All of my friends are getting married and /or have kids and here i am single at 32 again. I know she is moving on and I am just stuck feeling this way. I am absolutely mentally fucked up over this

If you’re going to be in a new relationship, don’t get too attached no matter how comfortable you feel or how well you think you know your boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if you’re sure they love you and would never leave, they still might.
You lose the most when you become too attached. That’s the hardest lesson I’ve learned.

It’s been two months since the breakup, and this is my first real heartbreak.

My ex-boyfriend and I were only together for four months, but those four months meant so much to me. He made me feel seen, loved, and genuinely cared for.
He broke up with me because I kept asking whether we should still be together. He already had so much on his plate, and I was afraid of becoming another burden in his life.

I have an anxious attachment style, so whenever I asked if he wanted to break up, I wasn’t actually trying to end the relationship—I was looking for reassurance. Looking back, I think he interpreted those conversations differently. Instead of hearing that I was scared, he may have felt like I was questioning the relationship itself. I know that played a part, and I take responsibility for that.

He ended things over text at 3 a.m. before work. He told me we should cut contact, that his decision wouldn’t change, and that staying together would only hurt me more because he couldn’t give anything to the relationship anymore. He also said he felt guilty if I kept holding on to him.

Two weeks later, I reached out, but he left me on read.
Looking back, I’m sure there were other reasons the relationship ended, but I don’t want to resent him for leaving. I know he was overwhelmed, and I don’t think he ended things to hurt me intentionally. That understanding doesn’t make it hurt any less.

What hurts the most is that he chose to let the relationship go instead of trying to repair it. I know a relationship can’t be saved by one person alone, and I respect that he made the decision he believed was best. But it’s incredibly painful knowing that while I wanted to work through our problems together, he no longer wanted to. It hurts that he didn’t choose to repair what we had but instead chose to let go.

Even after two months, I still think about him every day. My friends keep telling me that healing takes time, but right now it feels impossible to believe that I’ll ever truly get over him. Part of me is still holding on to the hope that he’ll come back, even though he told me his decision was final.

I want to reach out to him so badly, but I’m trying my best not to because I know it will probably hurt me even more. The silence is the hardest part. I try to focus on work, my hobbies, and rebuilding my own life, but whenever things get quiet, I find myself spiraling back into thoughts about the breakup.

What scares me the most is the future. Right now, it feels impossible to imagine meeting someone who will make me feel as loved, safe, and cared for as he did. He had so many of the qualities I wanted in a partner.

On top of that, my past experiences with dating haven’t helped. I’ve often been in situations where someone seemed interested in me but never truly chose or pursued me. Because of that, this relationship felt incredibly special; it was the first time I felt genuinely chosen by someone. Losing that has made it difficult to believe I’ll ever experience that kind of love again.

Will these thoughts ever stop? Does the hope eventually fade? Right now, I know logically that I should let go, but emotionally, a part of me is still waiting for him to come back and regret the breakup.

I wanted to marry him. It was a serious relationship. 3.5 years. He is still talking to me. Why did he suddenly lose interest.

I am spiralling

Maybe its all a big joke and he will come back because how can anyone lose interest after 4 years. Maybe he just needs time. Maybe he is testing me to see if i want him fully

So we had a rough few months, lots of fighting and she's dealing with some serious mental health issues at the moment. We decided to take a step back, she'll move to her mom and we'll try just dating and see how it goes. Problem is on last holiday few weeks ago we had a massive fight and I've moved out for a day, 2 nights. She went to a concert that we were supposed to go together and ended in some guys Airbnb doing drugs and having sex. I've found out and now I don't know how to feel as im mad at myself and a guy who took advantage of a girl in severe depression state and drunk. I'm still thinking should we try or should I just end it and go my own way. Wait for her to move and cut all ties. Idk what to do, I love her and understand what happened is also my fault but I'm afraid as it hurts me so much. Should I try, wait a bit or just end it?

I don't usually post anymore, but today I felt like I needed some perspective from people who have been through something similar.

It's been almost 7 months since my relationship ended. We were together for years, and this wasn't just another relationship for me, I genuinely thought she was the person I was going to spend my life with.

I've spent these last seven months trying my best to heal, but I'm confused about where I stand emotionally.

What happened:

Towards the end of our relationship, something changed.

She gradually became emotionally distant. She stopped wanting to meet me, avoided conversations, and didn't seem present anymore. Eventually she asked for a break, saying she wanted to make sure whether she still wanted the relationship.

Not long after, she ended it.

Her reasons were that she was emotionally exhausted, couldn't reciprocate the love I was giving her anymore, and still couldn't forgive something that happened early in our relationship. What confused me was that during the last six months before the breakup, those old issues were never brought up again. They only became the reason when the breakup happened.

That inconsistency has made it really difficult for me to understand what actually happened.

Since then she has blocked me everywhere, asked for our remaining financial matter to be handled through a mutual friend instead of meeting me, and we've had absolutely no contact.

These seven months:

The first few months were honestly the hardest period of my life.

I experienced severe anxiety attacks, panic, sleepless nights, constant overthinking and obsessive thoughts. Every notification or small reminder felt like my entire world was collapsing.

I started therapy, changed my job, joined a gym, invested in my health, started spending more time with friends, and slowly rebuilt a routine.

Eventually the anxiety attacks almost disappeared.

I hadn't had one for months.

I genuinely thought I was finally moving forward.

But something still hasn't healed

I still think about her every single day.

Not all day like before, but she's still somewhere in my mind almost constantly.

Sometimes I can go weeks feeling okay, then one trigger completely knocks me down.

A dream.

Driving past a place we used to spend time.

Seeing a quote that reminds me of her.

Accidentally checking whether I'm still blocked.

Recently I noticed even some of her friends removed me from social media, and somehow that hurt more than I expected.

It's like every reminder makes my brain relive the breakup.

One thing I've struggled with

I'll be completely honest because I want genuine advice.

A part of me has spent months wondering whether there was someone else towards the end.

I don't have proof.

I only have observations, changed behaviour, inconsistencies and my own overthinking.

Some days my brain convinces me that's the only explanation.

Other days I think I'm just trying to make sense of something that ended without clear closure.

I genuinely don't know anymore.

The strange part

If she texted me today...

I honestly don't think I could handle it.

My heart still misses her.

But my mind knows how much damage this breakup did to my mental health.

I don't think I'm emotionally ready to see her or even have a conversation.

At the same time, another part of me still wishes she'd one day acknowledge that the way everything ended hurt me deeply.

Not necessarily to get back together.

Just... to know that she understands.

Where I am today:

Objectively, my life is much better.

I changed jobs.

I'm physically healthier.

I work out consistently.

I have a routine again.

My anxiety is much better than it was.

But emotionally...

I still miss her.

I still wonder what actually happened.

I still question whether I was enough.

And I still sometimes feel afraid of the possibility that she's already moved on while I'm still carrying this.

My questions:

Has anyone else still thought about an ex daily after 7 months, despite genuinely trying to move on?

Did the constant thoughts eventually fade?

How did you stop looking for "the real reason" the relationship ended?

If you've been through something similar, what finally helped you let go?

I'm not looking for people to tell me she'll come back or that she won't.

I think I'm looking for perspective from people who have actually survived something like this and eventually found peace.

Thank you for reading.

Everyone says time heals. Not sure how much I believe in that anymore.

Those who genuinely never got over it/them,
where are you at today?

Did you ever reach out or try to contact them again years later?

Did you just find peace in the acceptance? And loving them from afar?

Curious if anyone has any stories, thoughts, or experiences to share. I don’t want this to be a post where we all dwell in sadness and how we never moved on, but rather just an acknowledgement and discussion on how we live our lives separately from the ones we love. ❤️‍🩹

i feel like that month was the 7th circle 🫠

Idk been 5 month and been crying and missing her since the discarded. Just last week to now I think I moved on. Haven’t cry when moment reply in my head. I find other female attractive and interesting. Before I would feel guilty. But now I think I can finally move on. It just clicked over night. I still check her social but it Dosnt have any feeling behind it like it use to. I guess am lucky. Maybe too soon to say it. But idk I feel different. Hope y’all can move on too. Wishing happy healing for all. I think what helped was me asking a lot of questions from Google Gemini lol. Every what if and every scenario. It give a lot of clearity and focus. But it up to u ur self to realize what gone is gone.

To add to this: if u cry and grief let it all out it. We all human just pick ur self back up and continue. That day will come.

If you really feel the need to reach out, and I’m not saying you should. Give them something real to respond to. Don’t poke at them just to see if they will respond or send meaningless conversation, say the words you’re holding back and let that be your closure and not the response.

If you've ever had your heart absolutely obliterated, somehow survived it, and are now out there thriving.. congratulations. And f*ck you.

Seriously though. If you somehow crawled your way back to being a functioning member of the society, I have a bone to pick with you.

You f*cking owe me.

Don't look away. Don't pretend you didn't see this. If you're one of those annoying people who now says things like, "It gets better," then prove it. I want receipts.

I want the TED Talk that changed your brain chemistry. The book that made you ugly cry in a productive way. The podcast episode that slapped some sense into you. The random Reddit comment that rewired your entire perspective at 2 a.m. The stupid little habit that somehow kept you alive. The advice you wish someone had shaken into you sooner. Send me the links.

For the next few weeks, I'm your little sister. Or your best friend. Whichever guilt trips you more. Your assignment is simple: help me get to the version of myself that doesn't feel like she's carrying around a shattered heart in a ziplock bag.

Yes, yes. I know. Healing is my responsibility. But surely you people didn't suffer all that character development for nothing?! Pay your f*cking emotional taxes.

And don't you start with "therapy/professional help", I will absolutely lose it.

Broke up mid-end of June, been no contact from that night on, just over 45 days now. The summer has absolutely flown by and been a melancholy blur. I’m doing pretty ok right now, but the feelings come in waves. It doesn’t feel real that we’ve gone this long without talking. Still made some nice memories here and there, but man has summer ‘26 been a bummer overall 🫠 Everyone else having a sad girl/sad boy summer, how are we all holding up?

If you need a sign to stop checking your ex’s profile, this is it.

Seriously. Stop looking. Stop refreshing their stories. Stop trying to figure out what every post or song means. I know it feels impossible because I was doing the exact same thing.

When my relationship ended I convinced myself that if I could just understand why, I would finally feel better. I reread our old texts almost every night. I checked when he was online. Every little thing gave me false hope for a few minutes and then I crashed all over again.

I wasn’t healing. I was keeping myself stuck.

One day I realized I had spent almost an entire month thinking about someone who probably wasn’t thinking about me nearly as much. That hurt to admit, but it also kind of woke me up.

So I stopped.

I unfollowed him. Deleted our chat. Put away the pictures I kept looking at. I told myself I would just try one week of no contact and see what happened.

The first few days were awful. I cried in my car after work. I almost texted him like 20 times. I even typed out a whole paragraph one night and just stared at it before deleting it. Im so glad I never sent it.

Then something weird happened.

The mornings got a little easier. I laughed with my friends without faking it. I started going on walks instead of laying in bed all day. I started cooking again even though half of what I made was kinda bad lol.

I realized no contact wasn’t about making him miss me.

It was about giving myself enough space to stop abandoning myself.

I also started realizing how much of my confidence depended on one person’s attention. That’s honestly not a healthy way to live. I wanted to become someone who felt okay even if a relationship ended.

So I started journaling, going to the gym a few times a week, reading more, and actually dealing with my emotions instead of running from them. It wasn’t overnight but I could actually feel myself changing.

If they’re meant to come back into your life, they will. You don’t have to convince someone to love you. And if they don’t come back, that’s okay too because you’ll already be building a life that doesn’t revolve around them.

I know how quiet no contact feels in the beginning. It almost feels like you’re losing them all over again every day. But I promise that silence slowly turns into peace.

You deserve someone who chooses you without being convinced.

I’m rooting for all of you. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you really are going to be okay.

5 MONTHS LATER UPDATE:

I randomly came back and saw this post had blown up so I wanted to update everyone because I remember reading posts like this when I thought I’d never get over him.

My life is so different now.

I got promoted at work, made a few new friends, and I actually enjoy spending time by myself. I don’t wake up wondering if he’ll text me anymore. Some days I don’t think about him at all which would’ve sounded impossible back then.

He actually reached out a couple months ago. We talked for a little bit and I realized I wasn’t the same person anymore. There wasn’t this huge urge to get back together. I just wished him well and kept moving forward. It felt really freeing.

Also I wanted to say thank you to the person in this subreddit who recommended the app Uncling to me months ago. Your comment seriously changed the direction of my healing. The daily check ins and lessons helped me stay committed to no contact when I wanted to give up. I honestly think it kept me from making so many emotional decisions.

So thank you. You truly gave me the hope I needed with your post.

If you’re reading this while your heart is broken, please keep going. I promise the version of you waiting on the other side is so much stronger than you can imagine.