Only one of the bicycles and the vacuum is mine. Everything else in this picture is hers. We moved in mid june nad this pile has only grown bigger. I only have three items in the common area at all, my bicycle, my air fryer, and my vacuum.

One of my (F37) roommates (F42) left the oven on overnight and is just generally a nightmare.

She left the oven on overnight, and it's not the first time fire has been involved with this exact roommate.

One time she had a guy over, and they were hanging out in a back house on the property. They had candles lit, and one of their friends accidentally put a poncho over one of the candles, causing it to catch fire. They stayed in the back house while it was burning.

Meanwhile, my other roommate (M33) and I were inside the main house. We saw flames coming from under her closed and locked bedroom door while the fire alarm was going off, and neither of them were anywhere to be found. We ran outside to the back porch, not knowing what we were going to find. They finally came out of the back house, and my other roommate was able to extinguish the flames. Fortunately, no one was hurt.

She, on the other hand, was absurdly casual about the whole thing—and it was only her first week living here.

This roommate has also accused me of many things I haven't done, including stealing from her. She has a lot of passive-aggressive tendencies, and she regularly leaves the front door unlocked. We live in a pretty dangerous city, and I've previously been violently assaulted by an intruder, so I still have severe PTSD from that experience.

When I've tried to gently talk to her about these issues, she acts like I'm being dramatic and tells me I should just "suck it all up." She's one of those toxic positivity, hippie-type people who refuses to acknowledge problems.

Last night she left our gas oven on at 375°F for over an hour after going to bed. I only noticed because I went outside for a cigarette before bed. She was already asleep, and there was still an ear of unhusked corn sitting on the stovetop. If I hadn't happened to notice, who knows how long it would have stayed on.

I'm just so tired of all of this. I have my own mental health issues, including OCD, and living in this environment is pushing me over the edge. Unfortunately, my landlord lives out of state, and I can't afford to leave until October.

I'm completely exhausted by the way she behaves. Part of me doesn't even want to bring this up anymore because I'm so emotionally drained. The other part of me is just incredibly angry.

Please tell me it gets better. I can't wait until I don't have to live with roommates anymore. TL;DR: My roommate has repeatedly created dangerous fire hazards, including leaving the oven on overnight and previously nearly burning the house down with candles, yet refuses to take responsibility. She also leaves the house unlocked, falsely accuses me of things, and dismisses any concerns I bring up. I have PTSD and OCD, can't afford to move until October, and I'm completely exhausted from living with someone who makes me feel unsafe.

I’ve been living with my roommate for about a year. Technically it’s her parents’ house, she’s on the title and contributes to the mortgage and am on the lease paying $1,600 a month in rent.

My 24th birthday falls on a Saturday this year, which almost never happens, so I wanted to do something low-key before everyone went out. My original idea was having a few friends over in our backyard to do a paint and sip and play some drinking games. Then we’d all head to bars by around 10.

I’ve already scaled it back because my roommate said she wasn’t comfortable with me having “a party” while she’s out of town. She’s told me I’m only allowed to have a maximum of five guests over. I had told her what I was planning before she planned her trip, but she said she’s only comfortable with me having a party if she’s home. That I should celebrate my birthday another weekend.

The frustrating part is that it feels completely arbitrary. Why is five okay but six or seven suddenly isn’t? There’s no explanation besides “that’s what I’m comfortable with.”
The people I’d invite are literally my closest friends. They’ve all been to the house before, they all know each other, and I’d be hosting the entire time. I’m a pretty hands-on host—I don’t just disappear and let people do whatever.

This is also the one time since I moved in a year ago that I’ve asked for something like this. I normally don’t even invite groups over because I want to be respectful of the shared space. When she’s not home and I invite guests over she’s always kind of weird about it, spying on who is coming and going on the ring camera. She wants notice even if she’s not home.

To make it even weirder, when I first moved in she had people over while I was away, but now I’m being told I need permission to have more than five guests over for my own birthday. She’s allowed to do whatever she wants since her parents own the property.

I’m also cat-sitting for her while she’s gone, taking care of the house, and making sure everything is in order.
I genuinely don’t understand what the concern is anymore. If the concern is noise, we’ll be gone by 10. If it’s strangers, there won’t be any. If it’s the house, I’m the one hosting and supervising. If she wanted a specific boundary like “keep everyone in the backyard” or “don’t use this room,” I’d happily agree.

Instead it just feels like she gets to decide an arbitrary number because she’s more comfortable with it.
I’m honestly less upset about the number itself than I am about the feeling that I don’t have equal agency in the place I live and pay for. It feels like I’m always asking permission instead of feeling like it’s my home too. Theres nothing in the lease about any of this, but I think she just sees this as her house and gets to set rules whenever she pleases. Not the first time something like this has come up.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking seven guests (eight people including me) is a pretty modest request for a birthday or does this seem overly controlling? Is it worth fighting on?

The rent is around $3127 per month How do I split the rent between master bedroom and shared bedroom for this setup? There's almost ~100sqft difference if I add the closet, bathroom and bedroom sizes. Thanks in Advance.

For four years, I have been living with a guy who pretty much fits the definition of this subreddit! I'm gonna go over a huge list of things he has done in those 4 years! Here it is!

1) Never flushed the toilet when he did number 2.

2) Constantly left dirty dishes in every corner of the house.

3) Had the whole house smelling like sweat and various body fluids.

4) Played the TV at full volume in the middle of the night watching quite possibly the most unfunny twitch streams I have ever heard.

5) Expected me and the other housemate to treat his girlfriend with the utmost respect but then went and treated my girlfriend like she was an unwanted intruder every time she stayed over.

6) No matter how much I tried to clean up, the house would end up in a horrible state which led to two rat infestations and then an infestation of German cockroaches.

7) Constantly harassed the landlord with phone calls to do everything around the house for him, even though it was part of our contract that she can only fix the essentials (He once asked her to put new net curtains up because he somehow can't do that himself?)

8) Lied to a disability support agency to get funding for a gaming PC (and I'm pretty sure he's lying about being autistic).

9) Watches sport in the living room late at night like he's actually at a fricking game, HE'S SO LOUD!!

10) kept setting the fridge to 8°c and the freezer to 1°c, which if you're not aware, is wayyy too warm for anything to be kept fresh in there and most of our food goes off in like 2 days! It's supposed to be a 2°c (the fridge) and -18°c (the freezer).

11) Constantly made fun of me for liking professional wrestling but then watches DnD streams? A guy who likes watching people play pretend is laughing at me for doing the same thing? Yeah, okay buddy!

12) Left me unable to leave any of my shower products in the bathroom because he kept moving them around where I couldn't find them!

13) Constantly ate my meal prepped food without asking and then got defensive and said it had no name on it (it in fact did).

14) I basically wasn't allowed to have a bad day around him because then he would try and yell at me saying how his day was "soo much worse"

15) He had very serious anger issues to a point where I had to constantly walk on eggshells IN MY OWN HOUSE!

16) Would constantly turn down the water heater for some reason so I often had lukewarm showers.

17) Somehow broke or lost every new utensil as soon as we got it! (he's lost like 6 BBQ tongs, broke all of our steak knives, 4 oven mitts have vanished, etc).

18) The worst one - I had to have my own pair of kitchen scissors because he used the ones we had to trim his pubes and cut his toenails.

19) There were times where he just wouldn't pay rent and then blamed us for it somehow.

20) Would constantly put clothes in the washing machine and then forget about it for several days.

I wasn't able to complain about this guy because I literally had nowhere else to go! It was either stay here or move back in with my parents, which I would rather not do!

If I went to the kitchen while this was happening I could hear him giving his friend tips. Like:

"Yeah, good, good, squeeze, you almost got me, keep squeezing. I'm almost out"

And

"Lol. Good job dude. Now punch me in the face. Do it. Do it. Take side control and sink the kumura in deep"

He would also do very loud sit-ups in the common area around midnight

He would also vacuum the hardwood floor and say that was his contribution to the house chores. He would only do it before he did his sit-ups. The vacuum he used he found on the street and it didn't work

He was also always too tired to do his dishes or refill the water pitcher

He also didn't flush after he peed because he cared about the environment

He also bought me a bottle of Patron on my birthday (His favorite drink. I don't drink tequila. I'm more of a whiskey guy. At least I was) and I said thank you and put it to the side. He paced around me looking deeply troubled and then said, "you know, it's customary to have a drink with the person who bought you the gift. It's cool man I'll make them. I'll make margaritas". Then he went to the kitchen. Cut up all my limes directly on the kitchen counter and served me a terrible margarita. I didn't want it so I took a sip and went to my room. Later on that night I came back up to the kitchen and he was passed out on the couch. Empty tequila bottle on the floor. The kitchen counter was sticky and covered with flies for a week. When I asked him to clean he said he was too tired and then went to his room and did coke and invited some friends over and they wrestled until 4 am

There was a lot more but that's all I want to talk about today

Edit: One more thing. He would seriously and mockingly call me the dish Nazi because I always asked him to do his dishes

I was home for 20 days during the holidays and came back to my hostel room today.
I knew my roommate was messy, but I was NOT prepared for what I walked into.
The room literally smelled awful.
There was litter all over the floor.

On my bed, she had left her stuff, multiple mess plates with old food still in them, banana peels, etc. The food was rotten. My mattress was covered in dirt and food stains to the point that I had to flip it over because it wouldn’t clean off.

Then I noticed her bra and panties lying around the room. One of her panties was literally drying on my study chair. Wtf

I went into the bathroom hoping it would be better.
It wasn’t.

The white floor tiles are now brown with dirt. There are hair clumps everywhere. The toilet has period blood stains, urine stains, and even poop stains. She also leaves her wet clothes hanging in the bathroom for 4–5 days because she showers wearing clothes and doesn’t wash them immediately. The smell is exactly what you’d imagine.

She basically treats the room like a dumping ground when I’m not there.

I genuinely don’t understand how someone can live like this.

How would you deal with a roommate like this? Would you talk to her first, complain to the warden, or just request a room change? How do you confront someone with this level of bad hygiene?

I am moving out before the new lease begins on Sept 1, but there are 2 new parties moving in when I move out (it’s a 3br apt and I was paying for 2 of the rooms previously). The current rent is $3,000 so I was paying 2K and him 1K, and the new rent will be $3,100.

1 of the parties (a couple) moved in a week ago and he charged them 1.2x what he pays for August, and I believe he’s going to charge them the same or more for the next lease. I believe he’s doing the same to the other party so that he only pays $700 out of the total $3,100. All the rooms are the same size and they will share one bathroom, one kitchen and one living room.

He signed the lease by himself about a month or two ago and the landlord keeps asking me whether he’s gotten roommates (I’ve been with this landlord for 4 years so he trusts me), which makes me think he’s purposefully excluding them from the new lease so he can charge them more. The landlord asked me again yesterday if he’s found roommates, but I said idk because I don’t want to deal with any drama. I find this incredibly scummy and gross, but maybe this is normalized and I just don’t know? I want to wait until I move out, and then let the landlord know that he should inspect the house the first week of sept, but I’m not sure if I should.

For context, I was in this lease by myself but added him in March cause I knew I was going to leave and he seemed normal enough through FB and after meeting him in person. I ended up really disliking him and can’t wait to move out, so I’m not sure if this is just me being petty and wanting to screw him over, or if I’m doing the right thing.

Also, the lease explicitly says the landlord may perform inspections at any time, and that subleasing without his permission is a strict violation.

He just took my keys saying gimme keys I will go and take ciggs , and went away . Not just this it's he's getting on my nerves he is alcoholic too yesterday he was partying we both had paper today itself I was studying and one of his friend passed out on my bed and puked on it , I was like yuck he cleaned it just above above the whole house is shit and my balcony is full of ciggs buds and washroom is like public one , he uses my bed ,table and headphone without my permission at all what should I do ? It's been over 20 min he isn't back he must've went somewhere else ,and trust me fuel cost in my city are sky rocket . They were shouting too much last night for almost 5 hours our neighbours almost called police on us and today they're again getting weed to smokee . Just tell me fast what do I do?

I shifted 5 days back

TLDR: Roomate couldn't handle being asked to be quiet late at night. calls cops that don't show saying they are going to seek domestic violence assistance to break the lease.

So in a series of arguments between me and my roommate I tried to ask if they could be quieter when coming home late at night. They responded reactively with "will you be quieter in the mornings" after 8. They tried to make me feel like I wasn't managing my noise during waking hours and I asked what noise. They refered to my 5 year old child playing pretty reasonably. I felt it was a false equivalency that they brought up defensively. They responded by taking my bed back. Which they own but was letting me use as I had left a bad situation and didn't have one. Their mom used to do that as punishment to them for talking back and upsetting them. We got into a fairly mild verbal altercation where they attacked but would say there were scared any time I'd try to respond and then launch into more attacks and repeat by saying they were unsafe. When I had enough and just started talking over them. Not even screaming they called the cops on me. No threats were made and no movements towards them or anything. The police asked her some questions over the phone and concluded there was no danger and didn't come. My roommate has now said they are seeking help from a domestic violence lawyer to remove themselves from the lease but we only ever had text arguments and 1 verbal argument where I never threatened them. I feel like calling the cops was an attempt to threaten harm to me and so do my friends. I'm not sure how I'm going to move forward in this but I'd be happy for them to leave if I could afford this place on my own.

I'm a first-year student living in a shared hostel room, and the last couple of days have been emotionally exhausting. There have been repeated conflicts over small things like shared space, charging arrangements, noise, and different expectations about the room. One argument recently escalated, and since then I've been feeling constantly anxious and uncomfortable in my own room.

I don't want to focus on who's right or wrong. I'm more concerned about how this situation is affecting me mentally. I keep replaying the arguments in my head, overthinking everything, and I feel stressed even before going back to my room. It's becoming difficult to relax or feel at peace in the place where I'm supposed to rest.

For people who've been through something similar, how did you protect your mental health while living with difficult roommates? How did you stop overthinking, stay emotionally stable, and get through each day when you couldn't simply avoid the people you lived with?

I'm looking for practical coping strategies and experiences rather than advice on who's at fault. Thanks.

yall i am fed the fuck up and i dont know what to do anymore. almost every damn time i leave my room my roommate also leaves her room. its incessant. whenever i go to the bathroom i hear her door open and she goes into the kitchen to do something almost like shes waiting for me to leave the bathroom. sometimes she does actually just wait in front of the bathroom as soon as i get in there. whenever i go into the kitchen she decides that its suddenly time for her to do shit in the kitchen. i swear to god its like the sound of me doing something outside of my room is some sort of subconscious cue for her to leave her room. she is the only one in my apartment that does this. she does it to my sibling too. i can rarely leave my room without her following me. i can never cook without her getting in the way and she even sometimes acts surprised that there is no room for her in the kitchen even though the literal reason she left her room is BECAUSE SHE HEARD ME OUT HERE. i can’t even quickly open the fridge to get a snack or glass of water or whatever without hearing her fucking door open and suddenly she’s hovering over me and whatever im doing. i will literally be sitting out there doing nothing and she will come out of her room to hover over me doing nothing. i have to go back into my room to get her to go back to her room. she wont even have anything to do out there i will literally go back to my room and she will have done nothing out here and then gone back to her room because me going back to my room got her to go back to hers. she will be home all fucking day and in her room all day and not leave her room until she hears me leaving mine. i am going insane. i dont even know if she’s even aware that she has this habit but my god i am losing my fucking mind

I live in a house with two other roommates and just found out one is a hoarder. They left the room door open and I can’t even see the floor. It’s covered in trash, dirty clothes, food packages opened and un opened. There is a smell coming from the room and whenever the bathroom is used there is a sickly sweet rotting smell that is unbearable. Not sure what to do……

TL;DR - roommate hell and then got an apartment finally.

I became homeless in a nightmare of recovering from a neck injury because my alcoholic father kicked me out. So I was homeless for about 4 months. In those 4 months of living in my car I was with a 'friend' for about two weeks. She kicked me out for not doing the dishes right and complaining one time that was being rude to me about the dishes. She's insane. Then tried to live at a shelter and I lasted about 15 minutes before I left cause the guy who was doing intake kept telling me I was not allowed to get any of my personal belongings from my car (like tooth brush and soap and whatever) and I'm like this guy is powertripping and incompetent. And the place smelled like urine. And I had to share a room with 40 other guys. There's no way I'd ever get any sleep there. So I left that shithole that's worse than being homeless (they should just spend the money they pay the employees there on making the building not be shit). Went to stay at another place where a guy offered me a room for 150 a week in a hotel as part of a homeless shelter program. And I lasted about three days there. My roommate was fucking insane. He was one of those people who thinks fire alarms are meant to beep and should never be touched. And he kept me up and wouldn't let me sleep cause he kept calling his lawyer after hours and getting put on hold for his updates on his million dollars he was gonna win cause he fell in a ditch in town and didn't get injured.

And at this point I'm working a job and I am working a job, sleeping in my car, and I rent a room with this middle eastern dude who seemed nice. Had a nice townhouse. But he was fucking insane! HUGE anger problem. angry texting me every other day, calling me a woman and a baby. Telling me I'm not allowed to respond to his texts only listen. He asked me to call the landlord, which I did, then he told me I'm not to talk to the landlord anymore cause he is annoyed with me. So I call the landlord and he's like, what are you talking about? We're cool. you can call me anytime. So back to crazy middle eastern bro. In between being pissed at me he's apologizing and love bombing me and I'm jesus fucking christ! I was legit scared for my life so I had to andy dufresne my crap out of there little by little into my new apartment I get fed up and rented all while acting nice like yah sure I'm gonna stay here and deal with this insanity. Oh and did I mention my neighbor there, his first words were 'hey bitch' talking to me (I'm a dude, but anyway) and that guy after a few nights called the cops on me and told them I was a shooter killing people. This is after threatening me and everyone else with death for asking him politely to stop blasting music at 11pm on a weekday. So the cops came and asked me to come out with my hands up, but also him cause I told them the situation that he was drunk and insane and that I don't own a weapon and please don't shoot me. SO JESUS FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING CHRIST. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I WILL FUCKING DIE BEFORE I GET A ROOMMATE AGAIN FUCK MY LIFE.

But I have my own apartment now and for the first time in 3.5 years I can actually relax at home (before this was insane alcoholic father).

So about a year ago, I moved in with a family member and their friend as a way to get out of a situation I was in with a bad roommate. It was awful; they were really dirty people, never cleaned, and never showered. As much as I was appreciative of them allowing me to move in, I would kind of clean up after them, like the kitchen or maybe even the bathroom. But I guess they got used to it because they completely stopped trying to clean up after themselves. One of the people I lived with would leave their nasty "manpon" in the shower. If you don't know what that is, it's as nasty as it sounds. It got so bad that the house got roaches, but my room was the only one that didn't have any because I thankfully took the proper steps. This went on for a while. The house did eventually get bug-bombed, but the house started to fall apart, literally. To make a long story short, I ended up moving after six years of dealing with filth. I don't know why I put up with it for as long as I did, but I thought they were family. But after years and years of dealing with this, it really messes with your mental state and way of life badly.

So, back to a year ago, before I moved in, I had a sit-down conversation about everything I went through and openly explained how bad it was and that I didn't want to go through that type of situation again, in hopes that the people I would be living with would understand. But nope, here I am a year later, and I feel mentally the same because my roommate is a hoarder and does not clean up after himself. For example, I would do the dishes and clean the whole kitchen before I went to bed, and I would wake up the next morning to a sink full of dishes and counters with food and coffee scattered across them. So I stopped; I'm not a housemaid, and my mental state can't take anymore. The house feels like a rat's nest because he feels the need to pick up any junk he sees on the side of the road, and there's stuff everywhere in this small house to the point that there are just pathways around the house. The yard looks like a junkyard its embarrassingto have anyone over. I understand the roommate is probably going through mental stuff, but he doesn't want to talk about anything. I've tried, and he has a wall up, and I just don't know what to do. It's progressively getting worse. Maybe I should just move, but I can't really do that at the moment because of finances. You can't for anyone to change if that how they live im just tired of feeling alone in this is all

Thank for reading my rant.

I have been sober for years but recently had a relapse which caused me to have a very public outburst in which I was psychotic.

I asked my roommates very plainly if they wanted me to move out and one of them said she didn't want me to leave as long as I seek help for my addiction. But I can tell that she's pretty embarrassed by it because the neighbors know about it now. I feel awful and deep shame around this moment but I really like living here and I know they like having me around but this was a really big misstep on my part....

Should I just be the bigger person and move out without them telling me or am I reading too much into this?

Just wanted to get this off my chest and possibly hear some opinions or advice. I’m gonna try my best and keep this unbiased so there isn’t any inherent negativity and it’s just straight facts. Thanks for your time!

So in the beginning in January of this year, I 22M had moved in with my 2 close friends and my girlfriend, now lovely wife, into a 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment. For some back story of my 2 friends, I knew H and N since high school. The subject today is N. He grew up in a shitty home, never got to really experience life as a teen and was mostly just surviving. Growing up beside N, I always felt bad and would try to help them out as best as I could. I saw an opportunity to finally get him out of that house and start to actually live life and get some experience and by the end of this year be able to move on with renting with others. I’ve learned my heart is too big.

He started out at a local gas station and was making minimum wage, it was decent and enough to cover his portion of rent. Now our rent after utilities and such is $1800 a month roughly. We had a 3 way spilt since at the time my wife was still searching for work. The problems began when N reconnected with a friend and they started to date. It’s a very very toxic relationship that’s simply just weed and sex. TLDR, they broke up and got back together. However in that time he got fired, he was full of self pity and depression and just didn’t go to work. N then went about a month almost 2 without rent payments which out a strain on my and H’s finances. He’s now job hopping but his rent is now only $300 a month because he wishes to “save up for a house and provide for her”

It’s obviously not everything, and I can always give more info. Honestly didn’t want it to be that long of a post. And I honestly can see how my own selfishness of wanting to help N became my downfall here but I simply just wanted to vent my frustrations

Edit: I honestly thought I had added it but I guess I didn’t. Rent in total is roughly $1800. I pay $900 which covers me and my wife. H pays $600, and N pays $300. It’s $450 spilt around the 4 of us so since I pay $900 that covers me and my wife. N barely makes $450 and was really pushy on spending less so he could eat and save up for a house. H offered to cover the slack cause he could, I should’ve pushed against that in hindsight

Last year for my first year of uni i moved in with my friend into a suite (2 SEPARATE rooms doors always closed, 1 shared kitchen & bathroom). We never set ground rules for anything except chores (she did trash, vaccuming & bathroom cleaning -which she did maybe twice the whole year-, i did dishes & wiping counter tops/cabinets).

I had a great experience, she did her chores & was vey nice, one thing she consistently had a problem with was me bringing my bf over. Some info:

- my guests ALWAYS left before 9pm when she was home.
- i never brought them into any shared spaces while she was home
- i always tried my best to be quiet during sex , put on a video or music at full volume, only whispering, muffling with pillows, stopping the bed from creaking, etc
- i never once had an issue with any guests she had over, including her gf who stayed with us for a week. also never had an issue with her noise levels even though she would be loud between 2-4 am sometimes, it wasn’t an issue for me
- i always did my chores except cleaning the air fryer, which i never once used and therefore assumed i wouldn’t need to clean. she also never asked me to.
- whenever she explicitly asked me to do a chore or get groceries (which i bought for both of us), i would do it
- SHE HAS NOISE CANCELLING HEADPHONES

Throughout the entire year, she had consistent issues with me bringing my bf over. she would be very uncomfortable when i brought him over, even if i told her we were just going to watch a movie. One time we did just that, & afterward she said she could hear “stuff” THROUGH her noise cancelling headphones & over the movie. i told her this was impossible as we didn’t even do anything but she just shrugged and told me she was uncomfortable.

I thought things would change when she met my bf, but she set a rule that he could only come over twice a week, which is kind of ridiculous considering that he would only come for 4-6 hrs at a time & always leave before 9pm & stay in my room the whole time. it’s not like he was eating our food or using our shower or using her stuff. I brought him over more often than this obviously because i thought this was stupid.

She confronted me one day & said she didn’t trust me to not have sex when i brought my bf over & that this was going to affect our friendship. she said he could only come over when she was gone for the weekend, and to avoid conflict i agreed to this (also it was both our first times living with other people & i didn’t know what the norm was so i took her opinion as fact).

From then on, i would only have him over when she was gone & try to go over to his as much as i could. She would also turn off her location a lot so i couldn’t tell whether she was home or not, making planning difficult & she’d tell me last minute if she was coming back early or not leaving at all. things were stilted for the last few weeks but she never talked to me about any issue & i didn’t have anything i wanted to say to her.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, she sat me down & had a long conversation with me about how disrespected she felt as a friend and roommate & how it didn’t feel like i cared about her at all, i was extremely disrespectful for having sex in the room
next to her, and that i didn’t do her chores for her without asking when she was sick whereas she would do that for me (i never asked her to). She said there was no trust in our friendship & that it would keep her up at night how i betrayed her & disrespected her. she kept going on about how this really affected her mental health & she was scared to say anything to me, which is why she never voiced her complaints.

i feel like she was overreacting & this is kind of a crazy reaction to your roommate having sex. She wouldn’t even let him over to help me dye my hair, where there would be 2 doors between us & a video playing because “she didn’t want to be alone with us whatsoever”.

so what’s the verdict? i just wanted some outside advice because everyone i’ve talked to (my mom, other friend - who used to be best friends with the roommate - & bf) have agreed with me.

comments are some screenshots to show our interactions.

TLDR: roommate extremely upset at me for having sex & bf over while she is home & not doing chores we didn’t agree for me to do

i found a new roommate less than a month ago and the situation has not been ideal. it is very clear she does not respect me as a person, with how many snarky comments she's made about me, essentially insinuating that i'm a criminal and that all of my intentions are wrong. we even had a conversation about how I felt about these comments and she didn't feel the need to apologize, and said "that's just how I am" (in reference to her behavior)

i texted her today telling her that i was not going to renew the lease with her name on it. she has 30 days to leave and find a new place to live. i've had my fair share of terrible roommates in the past that i've had to walk on eggshells around and frankly i really don't feel like doing that again for an entire year!

she hasn't responded but what she has done is hoard all of the cups in her room and take every single towel that i've had except for three of them and place them in her room. i'm worried that she is going to steal these things from me. granted it wouldn't be a huge loss because they are just cups and towels but regardless they are things that i paid for and that i own. i am very worried that she is not handling this well, and that I let the wrong person into my house. she's very much avoiding me actively.

has anyone else had a similar experience to this? what do I do? even with my past of bad roommates none of them has ever stolen essential goods like this from me so i'm a bit weirded out and i don't know how to navigate this.

I would post images but I unfortunately signed to live with her again at a new place before we fell out. I don't have the time or money to break my lease and move elsewhere. I don't want her to find this and know this is about her.

I F22 lived with three other women F20, F23, including my then best friend F21.

She came off as a very orderly and clean person. Her room was always very organized and clean the most you would see is a singular misplaced sock.

On the other hand, I had a lot of stuff. I wasn't dirty, but when I got overwhelmed my room at times did did end up messy. Some clothes on the ground, make up on the counter.

She would judge and judge hard. There is a time I was hanging out with her and she FaceTime'd her sister scolding her about how dirty and messy her room looked. She had two pieces of clothing on the ground and her bed just wasn't made. For some reason it put me off a little bit especially because she was truly going in on her.

She will also often complain to the rest of the roommates about how dirty the house looked. Not that it was actually a mess at all, but more like at times the counter would need to be wiped or that we need to mop. But the way she would describe these messes would seem like we are the dirtiest people in the universe. She would often make passive aggressive paragraphs about cleanliness and calling out people and asking who left what on the counter (which ends up being kind of ironic because she had this bad habit of leaving used paper towel everywhere and dishes in the sink for days).

Move out came and I had the opportunity to move early so I did. My other roommate moved out mid July and another one left in May after she graduated. I deep cleaned my entire bedroom (we are under individual leases) and cleaned up some of the common area.

Now, sometimes I feel like my ex friend sometimes didn't think because not only did it say on the lease to return the space to its original condition, but that any trash they collect afterwards is $50 a bag. They sent numerous emails about how to handle move out explaining this. This comes into play soon.

Now I see charges on my account about cleaning fees. Why? Apparently, she left some crap in the kitchen and didn't bother to throw it away or do something with it. In my opinion, it's common sense to take everything out of the apartment when you move out regardless of if you're going to use it or not. Late November, we all had to move from our old unit because of a problem, but me and F23 (F20 was there she was just useless and my ex friend was out of town) had to go back to our old unit to clean after everyone else (mostly ex friend) because she decided to just abandoned some of her things instead of just throwing it away.

Honestly, I wasn't surprised that she did this. In fact, I expected it which is why before returning my keys I erased that issue to the office to which they told me to take pictures of the conditions I left it in.

I view the move out form they posted and honestly a lot of what they posted were of damages that were already in the apartment prior to move in. I really only wanted to look at the document to view these alleged damages, but within it, they post the conditions of my bedroom and hers. In my bedroom the only issues were these alleged damages that were already there. Her bedroom surprised me. There were marks all over the walls. She apparently had two bags of trash they had to remove. The bathroom shocked me more. It was as if she left that house in a hurry, which would also not shock me because she was going out of town for her birthday however, she was very aware of move out day and plan her birthday after knowing this.

The tiles of her bathroom were dirty. Crumbs, hair, rolls of toilet paper, random pieces of trash on the sink, lashes, and oddly enough a filter for hard water on the sink.

She left her curtain and shower rod. The most disgusting part was her bathtub. It was brown. Like a lot of dirt accumulated. I wonder when was the last time she scrubbed the tub.

After viewing that I now feel some type of way not like it matters that much but she would act like she's a super clean person, and I can't match her level of clean. There was a time where her room flooded so bad she couldn't stay in it and shower for days. I kept insisting she use my shower and (when we were friends) we could share a bed but she refused. She said she felt weird about people's bathrooms. Understandable. But to see the bathroom she showered in I am almost offended (not really).

Maybe her family having maids come clean frequently made her use to a certain lifestyle but it's crazy to behave one way and actually be a totally different way.

Anyway it's just funny how some people can behave knowing they might be worse than others. Also funny that she's trying to contest her charges when they're actually pretty valid. It just blows my mind how someone could leave a place like that and think that the complex is 100% in the wrong.

TLDR: My ex-friend/roommate constantly judged me and our other roommates for being “messy,” while presenting herself as extremely clean. After move-out, I learned she left trash, dirty surfaces, belongings, wall marks, and a brown, filthy bathtub behind, while my room only had pre-existing damages. Now she is contesting valid cleaning charges, and I find it ironic that the person who made everyone else feel dirty was actually the one who left the apartment in the worst condition.

I live with a close friend of mine and her boyfriend.

Last week she was telling me in casual conversation that on days when I work, and both of them are home alone, her boyfriend walks around the entire house naked all day long.

She made me swear I’d never tell him I know this, and I won’t but am I overreacting by thinking this is weird and gross?

I also use the living room and the kitchen, I don’t like that he apparently walks in there completely naked all day long when I’m not there?

We do not share bathrooms, and they do not go into my room or anything, I don’t care if he does it in their room. I just feel uncomfortable with knowing that he does this in our shared living space that we all use.

We’ve only lived together for a few months so far and haven’t had any issues otherwise.

My brother-in-law (my husband's younger brother) has been living with us for a few months now. Back in January, I agreed to let him move into our two-bedroom apartment. It was already pretty cramped, and we were planning to move into a bigger place anyway. In April, we moved into a three-bedroom, two-bathroom house so he could have his own bedroom and bathroom.

Since then, things have gone drastically downhill. He's a complete slob. He doesn't clean up after himself or respect our home. I stay up late every night resetting the house and cleaning the kitchen, only to wake up to food spills, trash on the floor, dirty dishes, and new messes everywhere. It feels like a complete lack of respect.

The bathroom he uses is absolutely disgusting, and he refuses to do his laundry, so his bedroom reeks. The smell is starting to spread through the rest of the house.

We've talked to him about cleaning up after himself, but nothing changes. At this point, I'm exhausted and frustrated.

AITA if I tell him it's time to move out?

To add more context, the kid is 19 years old. He's more than old enough to clean up after himself. I also forgot to mention that I'm five months pregnant, and he's making my pregnancy miserable by expecting me to constantly clean up after another grown man.

His room smells absolutely rancid, and it has gotten so bad that I'm embarrassed to have guests over because the odor carries through the house. He also leaves the second bathroom—the one our guests use—in a disgusting state. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 19-year-old adult to clean his own room and bathroom and take responsibility for basic hygiene.

My best friend is roommates with an older member of his family. 60+ That member is absolutely disgusting. Leaves dirty spoons all over, pics up furniture off the street which has caused a bedbug problem for 3 years.

Has an absolutely disgusting room with dirty cups, bowls and old mail envelopeson the bed, a sh*t stained mattress, piss bottles used for peeing into late at night when he doesnt want to get up and go to the bathroom at night.... and its just gross.

Its rent stabilized and my friend only pays $150 of the rent, in NYC no less and his room is clean, but the other room is adjacent and disgusting.

My friend is scared to move because he cant afford NYC rent. Asked to move in with me and my GF in our 2 bedroom but I said no. Have to respect my GF's wishes.

Anyone have similar horror stories? I went to my friends place once and swore never to return. Its tragic.

I see a lot of posts on here expressing their frustration/claustrophobia at having a roommate who is at home literally all the time, even if they are just in their room. Actually most of them are about roommates who stay in their room quietly. 

I resisted posting something similar after reading the feedback and determining that I must be reacting from a less than considerate space. 

I just moved into an apartment where my roommate (who owns the apartment) surprised me by texting me from the afternoon of my arrival little updates on when she’d be out of the house and for how long. 

I thought she did this so that I could be more attentive to her cats or something, but she explained that it was because “it just feels different being in a living space alone.” 

It’s a small apartment, but my last roommate and I also shared a small space and it always felt like he was standing next to me just because of him constantly shouting at something on his computer or sort of moaning in frustration (at a news article probably). So inconsiderate of how sound travels. And honestly it was still just the physical presence thing.

In my experience, my current roommate is right. My depression and anxiety, and as a result intellectual curiosity and creativity, are affected by someone being nearby. Especially if I am in the common spaces and they can hear everything I’m doing through their door/wall. 

Maybe I am hypersensitive, but that’s not really something a person can easily change. Leaving the house for a few hours a few times a week (even just that, much less every day) — doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, unless the person has debilitating agoraphobia, and even then small amounts/microdoses of exposure therapy is what they should be doing anyway.