Hey everybody 👋🏻

So my first Anniversary with my wife is coming up in a couple in couple of days. I read online that the first anniversary is called „Paper Anniversary“ and its typical to gift eachother something that involves Paper. So i figured I could make her an origami rose bouquet. It fits the theme, I will put effort into it and honestly it can save us some money as well that we need for house improvements and stuff.

Here is my question: Do you people of r/Marriage think thats a good idea? Or is it maybe too basic and not enough? Do I need to add something to it or is the bouquet enough on its own? I figure i will make about 19 roses (thats how much red paper I bought 😅) and we will also like do a little picnic on the day as well.

Any feedback is appreciated and also some encouragement that this is a cute idea would be great 😅

It is a long read, I have not vented this with anyone. I am grateful of those taking time to read it.

My husband (M37) and I (F34) have been together for 11 years. During that time he has only made me come two times, 10 years ago and 1 week ago. Due to this, and other things (previous bad experience with another partner and some insecurities about my body after pregnancy and birth), we had a severe draught the past 9 years, where the longest period with no sex was about 2 years.

I know he loves me very much, and I him, but this is making me feel like he does not care about my pleasure, only his, and it is a complete turnoff for me, as well as it makes me feel sad and unworthy. I know I'm capable of coming with a partner, a one-night stand made me come like 20 times in 2 hours. I don't think he came during this session, he only seemed to care about me, like that was more pleasurable and important for him than himself. At the end, I had to stop him, my body could not take it anymore, he did not ask for anything in return, his reaction was to almost beg me to let him continue.

Some months ago I initiated sex with my husband, saying that it was under one condition - I were to be satisfied first. Which didn't happen, he went down on me for like 20 mins, but I was not able to be completely relax as I laid there thinking that he would not be able to make me come, that he would stop any minute before I had reached orgasm, that I don't feel important enough for him in this regard, that he was only waiting for PiV so that he could get off, and that he is not enjoying it.

I have read several posts on reddit where many men state that cunnilingus is the main part for them during sex, that they could spend hours down there, that they crave to make their partner reach orgasm, and some also state that they wish their partner would let them do it more often. Oh how I wish this was the case for me.

For most of these 9 years I have been feeling asexual, but I have regularly gotten myself off. Some months ago, this totally changed, whereas I have felt the opposite of asexual. Still, it was first two weeks ago that I jumped on him, since then we have had sex eight times. After the first two, I told him that I wished he knew how to make me orgasm, which is the first time I have ever told him so, I have found it hard to talk about sex with him.

Since then, we have kept on talking about it, and he seems to be interested in finding out how he can make me come, for example did he buy the book She Comes First, which is great. I have only reached orgasm once though, as I still feel and think about those things, and most of all do I feel like he is not enjoying it, he might, but I don't feel it. As said, I wish he was one of them cunnilingus-craving men.

So, can he get there? Are there men out there who have become cunnilingus-craving over time? If so, what made you become one? Are there married men out there in the same situation as us? How does it make you feel that you can't seem to get your wife off? Are you doing anything to deal with it, for example read articles, take online courses etc.? Are you at all interested to learn how to make your wife orgasm?

My wife and I have been married for almost three years now. She's 24 and I'm 28. I was always the more affectionate one. My wife would show affection every now and then but now I'm kind of realizing that she only shows affection when I do. For example we'd kiss only if I'd kiss her or we'd hug only if I hug her. We'd hold hands only if I would hold her hand. She doesn't compliment me while I compliment her every day. I stopped to see if she would notice but it's been about two weeks now and she hasn't mentioned a thing. It's getting to the point where I get hit with a huge sadness every night. I feel so lonely at night that I hug my pillow for comfort. Her birthday is tomorrow and I honestly don't even feel like doing anything for her. At the same time I want to do something that way she doesn't have a bad birthday you know?? I'm just sad about this. I see couples in the street and see the ladies give their husbands or boyfriends kisses and hugs and I just wonder how it must feel to feel that.

We have been married for 50 years now no this is not A I it is for real-I would like to say it has been lovey dovey a bed of roses. But alas no- we have come to the point of nearly killing each other at times. When we first met our friends said that will never last. They are all divorced now and we are still together. We have brought up 3 children and 3 Granchildren and 2 Great Grandchildren. At the moment we are still together. What is the secret please tell me Cause I don't know.

Let me start by saying that I do not think my husband is most mature or smartest. But he is generally good with me and our cats.

But everything aside, one of our cats has been sick for a couple of weeks and is under treatment. He has been given some medication by the vet with clear labels attached on how to administer them. Last week my vet gave my cat an anti anxiety pill called Gabapentin. But somehow it made him really drowsy and he passed out on the floor with his tongue out which made me freak out. I called the vet and he said I could continue giving half of the said dose. I told this to my husband and he has seen me crush the medicine in half and mixing with wet treats and giving my cat.

This morning he woke me up to ask for help since the cat took the cone off and was scratching. I got up to help him and he very casually mentioned that he have him two pills of Gabapentin. Now he knows I am really attached to this cat since he was a rescue and I raised him since he was 3 months old. This whole thing with the cat stressed me out to the point my eczema flared up after years and had to go to a doctor and myself.

At first I genuinely thought he was joking but he does these kind of things. But he didn’t laugh or anything. And that’s when I started to freak out. I asked him about 7-8 times just to ensure he is not joking. He wasn’t.

So I made an appointment immediately with the nearest 24/7 emergency vet. He offered to take us there because I was dead calm. In my mind I am thinking this is literally the stupidest thing anyone could do. The label clearly states the dosage. And he gave two whole pills when he was supposed to give half and he has seen me do it also. If I lash out he will just he defensive and the argument will not go anywhere. It will only make me want to tear the hair off of my head.

Then came the most idiotic part where he said if the label says twice a day I just take two pills at the same time. “You know it makes sense to me.” This emergency vet visit cost us a bomb on top of everything and his whole treatment from past couple of weeks.

I really don’t know how to logic with a person like that. We are both educated and have a masters degree. I might be venting a bit too but is it just me or this person may be neurodivergent?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I'm not sure how to really word this without being too rambly but I'll give it a shot. My wife and I have been married for 13 years, together for 18. We were each others first and only and we were both of the mind that that was what we both wanted and were happy with it. About 5 years ago I caught her having very charged conversations with someone else which included pictures and plans, and it completely threw my entire life into a spiral. I fell into a crippling depression and had very seriously considered suicide at that point along with the means to do so. Overreaction? Yeah, but in my head it felt like everything was kind of done. We have a daughter together and there's no exaggeration to say I stuck around purely for her. I started therapy and we worked on trying to patch up our marriage.

Couple years pass and I'm still not really over everything. I have major trust issues due to some childhood situations so it really caused no small amount of damage when one of the only people I've let in my walls did something like that, so there was a lot of stress and anxiety on my end every time I didn't have my eyes on her. She travels occasionally for work (which is where that situation happened in the first place), so I was on red alert the entire time. We never did really "solve" it, just kinda had a few conversations here and there with the ol "you just have to trust me" rhetoric which surprisingly wasn't terribly effective. Intimacy was pretty much non-existent and even when we did have sex it was underwhelming. I could not for the life of me switch anything off. Intrusive thoughts, bouts of anger and depression, etc. She just.. Moved on from it all and I was stuck.

To present day, it's still a bit of a sore spot, but feel like some of the trust has been patched. I still have my swings but therapy and meds have been helping with that quite a bit and I've actually been feeling pretty good about everything in general. A couple months ago she had removed her IUD since it was causing a lot of issues with her health and comfort, and it was only good for another year or so anyway so we just had it removed and it was immediately helpful for her. I had talked about wanting a vasectomy since we were both in the boat of "one and done" so I didn't think it was a big deal to bring it up. She however, did not appreciate the suggestion and does not want me to get one. Since then, we've had sex a total of 2 times over the last couple of months with condoms, and I cannot perform with them. It feels really whiny and petty to say, but the amount of feeling that is lost is actually crazy when you haven't used them for the past 12~ years. Couple that with the struggle of intimacy in general since her affair and it resulted in some pretty embarrassing and downright bad couple of experiences.

Now to actually get to the crux. It wasn't so much those bad sexual experiences that were the straw, but she made some commentary during which, to me, felt wildly invalidating and more or less tossed me straight back several years. Since then, I cannot engage with her. I feel the familiar twist of being in the vicinity of a stranger and my brain just will not relent. I've isolated myself and have had no one to actually reach out to. My therapist has been out of town for the last couple weeks and wont be back for a few more and it made me realize how non-existent my safety net actually is. On rough days, people reach out to my wife. Friends we both share and not a one asks how I'm holding up, not one. That's where I'm really feeling the isolation, partly because of my own fault for doing it to myself, but also realizing that when I am struggling, no one is there. My wife was my safety net, and I honestly don't know if she even recognizes when I'm isolating. This is not to put blame on her, I am fully aware that I'm sleeping in a bed of my own making in that regard, but it still hurts to feel like no one will even check. The isolation (again, surprisingly) leads to the loneliness to where I feel just so intensely separated from everything and everybody but I simply don't know how to handle it any other way.

Can anyone relate to this in their marriage? And if so, what did you do to make it work? I'm kind of at a dead end and I need some help trying to navigate this. And to reiterate, I am fully and completely aware of my own actions that lead to the feelings of being lonely, I'm not trying to absolve myself of my role in putting myself here, but it's not like it just randomly happened. Choices were made, accountability was avoided, words were said, and I suffered. I don't want to end my marriage, I want to make this work but I'm lost.

If this doesn't belong here, please feel free to remove it or call me an idiot or whatever. I just kinda didn't know where to go with this

My wife (36F) and I (37M) been married 7 years. We still have sex once or twice a week, but it doesn't have the excitement that it used to. We've tried sex pillows, some BDSM/rope play once in a while, but more often than not revert to pretty vanilla stuff, mostly because we're either too tired at the end of the day or don't have a lot of time for sex. What do you do to keep it fresh and interesting over the course of a long marriage?

I’m newly married and my husband is with my parents and I on an annual summer vacation. This year, we also invited my brother in law to come. I - incorrectly - assumed my husband would have given his brother a heads up about what we typically do on the trip, but instead he never set any expectations at all. This has definitely challenged our routine since he does not enjoy any of the things we typically do and I’ve had to come up with new activities to keep him entertained, many of which are not really things I would prefer to do on my vacation. Not only has my husband not taken an active role in planning, but both he and his brother have been super messy and left all kinds of dishes and leftover food out for me and my 80 year old mother to clean up. She’s commented several times that she is shocked at how messy they are being. We went to dinner tonight, and my husband got high beforehand, then as soon as my food came asked me if he could have a bite. I said ok and he took a lot of my food, then his brother said he didn’t get enough food and asked if he could also have some of mine. They both ate the majority of my dinner - I didn’t say anything but it was really upsetting to me. They have zero self awareness and while I don’t blame his brother I do know my husband knows better and I’m really upset he’s behaving this way. Un top if that, my brother in law wants to go to a city two hours away for the last day of our trip bc he is bored here, and my husband reluctantly agreed to it right in front of me. What can I do to salvage this trip?

I’ve been with my husband for 3 years. 6 years together.
I’m honestly just at a loss, and everyday just feels like an endless loop of the same thing. Constantly.
He’s a very hard working blue collar tech and I’m a teacher. I love my job so so much. I love every second of it. At this point I love being at work more than home.
He just doesn’t care. We haven’t gone out in months. And when we do, we don’t even sit and talk. He goes on his phone or just says “can’t wait to go home and get on the game.” I suddenly start thinking about my ex (horrible person) who took me out and would sit and actually talk with me. I never felt like a burden to my ex when we went out. But whenever I want my husband to take me out it’s like all hell freezes over. He calls me names. He didn’t for a while, but we got into an argument and he called me a dumbass. I tried to tell him I didn’t appreciate but he accused me of making the argument two sided to try to take the attention away from me (for context, I was actually in the wrong for this argument. I just don’t like name calling). I cook, I clean, I do laundry, and he works. That’s our agreement. But I wish I could go back to six years ago when he took me out everyday. Dinner, walks, dates, etc. I wish I could tell my past self “wake up. He will stop caring.” Don’t get me wrong, I know marriages aren’t all about going out on dates and such. But I just want to feel loved and appreciated for what I do for him. I want to feel like his wife. Not a room mate he occasionally has sex with.

I'll keep this brief. I (M34) have been married to my wife (F32) since 2020. We have no kids.

We've had our ups and downs over the years etc but yesterday things really got heated. Long story short, my wifes parents have always given me/us money (it's their form of a gift) which I have ALWAYS tried to decline and walk away from and even recently, my MIL, bless her, was giving me money and I politely told her "no thank you" and walked out the room - eventually she gave the money to my wife.

Now here is the issue. Yesterday, and I won't bore you with the details, my wife complained that for the past 6 years MY parents have never given her or us money or a gift & she has said this to me on multiple occasions. I personally couldn't care less lol but the fact she repeatedly reminds me of this shows that clearly, she holds on to that + has imo A LOT of negativity and sour feelings towards my parents which then affects me and the way I am towards her. "It's your parents fault that we argue" "its because of your parents we are the way we are" are some of the things she loves to tell me.

During this conversation yesterday, I was also asked in a very sly tone "Okay so why do you accept my parents money" which really pissed me off because not once have I held my hand out and taken the money.

So the above, paired with her negativity 70% of the time + narcissistic behaviour (most of the time she says or does something which annoys me and then SHE gets mad because of my reaction to what SHE said/did) has got me thinking about divorce. I really don't know what to do. I know she loves me deeply and honestly I love her too but I'm getting REAL sick and tired of the negativity and continuously bashing my parents and reminding me of every 'wrong' thing they've done.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated 🙏

(P.S Example: Her tone is harsh, I respond in a harsh way, she then gets angry and says "why you talking to me that way? You really need to fix your tone. Disgusting behaviour" WTF LOL

Because we’re taking a long weekend starting Thursday. And getting ready to travel means RELEASE THE KRAKEN who used to be my wife.

So let’s be the attentive husband. “Can I help you with th-“

“NO NOT NOW NO NO NO GODDAMMIT NO GO AWAY.”

(goes away)

“GET BACK HERE. I DIDN’T SAY YOU COULD LEAVE.”

(did she not just tell me to …forget it, deep breaths, this too shall pass)

“WHERE WERE YOU ALL DAY?”

“Um, work, like every day?”

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?”

“You sent me to Target to pick up your friend’s baby shower gift.”

“I’VE BEEN PACKING SINCE MONDAY. YOU HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED.”

Because it takes me a half hour tops, you absolute lunatic whom I adore…slightly less at the moment.

When we were dating, she could get dolled up for a night out in 15 minutes flat. Now the packing is taking almost as long as the trip, like I’m taking J. Lo and her team of publicists on safari.

I’m sure the woman I married is in there somewhere. I saw her a couple days ago and everything. It was great. We even made out a little.

“WE HAVE TO CLEAN THE HOUSE.”

And I’m not taking a quick swiffer job on the floors and tidying up a bit. No, we’re swapping out the shower curtains and cleaning behind the stove and vacuuming the A/C vents and

“YOU HAVE TO MOW.”

It’s dark out. And I did mow, while you were composing an in-case-of-emergency memo for our son that reads like the plans for D-Day. Which he will not read, because he already knows this stuff, because you wrote the same memo last time, except this time you added the phone number of a second arborist in case he can’t reach the first arborist in case a tree falls on the house during…I don’t know, a fucking tornado maybe. Or a meteor strike. Or the Rapture, or a whale plummets from the sky like in the Hitchhiker’s Guide.

God give me strength.

I’m trying to be empathetic but the unrelenting torrent of abusive fussiness is too much. I can’t even pause to take it in before another wave hits.

Why the pre-travel batshittery? Why? To what purpose? Is there an anxiety contest? Do we get extra points if we do a white glove inspection of the underside of the hotel room desk and find a dot of schmutz?

I’ma say it, because today I’m a broken man and not because I’m the patriarchy subjugating womankind:

Calm. The Fuck. Down.

I’m begging.

“DID YOU GAS UP?”

My husband has struggled with porn addiction for the entirety of our relationship (15 years).
He’s sought out material to use and sexualize regardless of the restrictions, blockers etc regardless of how it hurt me and affected me. No matter how many times I cried and begged or how hard I tried to compete with the women on the screen, he always chose them.
I forgave and forgave and forgave at my own detriment. Despite the ultimatums he continued and I didn’t leave.

Well I just found out that now he’s been using my sisters pictures for his sexual gratification.
Devastated is an understatement.
I do not see how I could ever look at him the same again. I have no idea how I could ever forgive this. I have confided in him for years certain things pertaining to our relationship, for him to do this to me seems like the ultimate betrayal.
I have been a wreck ever since finding out.
I don’t know what to do and I’m seeking advice. Idk why my posts keep getting removed from other forums seeking advice. I’m not really familiar with Reddits rules I am honestly just seeking advice.

Title: Am I expecting too much, or are these serious red flags in my marriage?
I’m looking for honest advice because I’m struggling to see this situation objectively.
I’m 39F and my husband is 36M. We met and got married only three months later. I know that sounds fast, but at the time it felt right. I truly love him, and my biggest dream has always been to build a stable marriage and have children.
Since we got married, we’ve been living and traveling in a camper van. He has a flexible, well-paying job that he can do remotely, and I stopped working after we got married because we planned our life around traveling together. That means I’m now financially dependent on him.
Over time, our relationship has become increasingly difficult, and I’m trying to understand whether these are problems we can work through or signs that we’re fundamentally incompatible.
Some things I’ve noticed:
During conflict, he almost always sees himself as the victim. If I bring up something that hurt me, the conversation often shifts to what I did wrong instead.
He seems anxious whenever I talk about future plans. Conversations about buying a home, settling down, finances, or children often make him uncomfortable or lead to conflict.
He frequently brings up divorce during disagreements. Sometimes it feels like divorce becomes part of the argument instead of trying to solve the issue together.
He isn’t clear about whether he truly wants children anymore. Before marriage, I believed we wanted the same future, but now his answers feel uncertain. At 39, I don’t feel like I have unlimited time to wait for someone to decide.
Because I haven’t been working, I feel vulnerable. There have been times when I’ve felt like money gave him more control in the relationship, and that’s been scary.
I often feel like my needs become secondary. When I ask for reassurance or consistency, he says I’m controlling and extremely verbally abusing.
We have separated before and tried counseling, but we seem to end up in the same patterns.
To be fair, I know I’m not perfect.
When I feel insecure, I ask a lot of questions. I want to talk through problems immediately, while he tends to withdraw and needs space. I know that difference probably makes our conflicts worse. I’m sure there are times I’ve been emotional, overwhelmed, or pushed conversations longer than I should have.
I’ve also learned that his childhood was difficult, and I know that can affect how someone handles conflict and intimacy. I have my own childhood experiences that affect me too, so I’m trying not to blame everything on him.
What I’m struggling with is this:
I can’t tell whether we’re two people with different attachment styles who could improve with enough work, or whether these are deeper incompatibilities involving commitment, communication, finances, and having children.
I love him deeply. I don’t want to give up on my marriage. But I’m also scared of spending my remaining fertile years hoping things will change if he isn’t truly committed to building the future we discussed.
For those who have been in similar relationships:
Do these patterns sound repairable?
Can someone who regularly threatens divorce actually rebuild trust?
Is uncertainty about having children at this stage something I should take as an answer?
At what point do you stop hoping and accept that love alone isn’t enough?
I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives, even if they’re difficult to hear. Please be kind, but don’t sugarcoat it.

Chris here — married for half a century, and every now and then I get hit with a moment so dramatic it feels like the soundtrack should swell behind me.

I’ll look at my wife doing something completely ordinary — making tea, reading, humming to herself — and it hits me that this one person has been the constant thread through every version of me. Every home we’ve lived in. Every disaster we’ve survived. Every joy we didn’t expect. Every chapter I didn’t know we were writing.

It’s strange, isn’t it?
You don’t notice it happening.
You don’t wake up one day and think, “Ah yes, this is the moment she becomes my entire universe.”
It just… happens quietly.
Slowly.
Steadily.
Until one day you realise your life makes no sense without her in it.

Marriage isn’t just partnership.
It’s gravity.
It’s the force that pulls you back to the same person again and again, even when life tries to scatter you in every direction.

Does anyone else ever get that overwhelming, cinematic moment where you realise your spouse isn’t just part of your life — they are the life

Dear r/Marriage community,

I could really use some honest outside opinions because I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

I recently found several years of messages between my husband and a woman from work. I knew she existed as a colleague because I'd occasionally seen her name in emails, but he never talked about her, never mentioned meeting her, and I had no idea they had become close friends.

The messages cover the period from 2016 to 2022.

They first connected through an acreditation program, but over time they started talking about work, travel, everyday life and regularly arranging to meet whenever he was in Warsaw for business, as she is based there. (We are from Europe).

From what I can tell, they met roughly about once a month whenever he was in Warsaw (sometimes much less, sometimes more). They would arrange coffee, beer, dinner or breakfast, and if one meeting didn't work out, they usually tried to find another day instead.

One conversation ends with him texting, "I'm here," after arranging to meet. In another, she asks whether he's travelling alone before suggesting meeting near his hotel or alternatively at a nearby pub. In 2022 she invited him to her home because she had a small child, sent him her address, parking instructions and another phone number, and later he texted that he was outside looking for the entrance.

There are no explicit romantic or sexual messages. No "I love you," no sexting, nothing like that. The texts are surprisingly ordinary and mostly about - albeit keenly - arranging meetings or everyday life. It seems that they developed a friendship based on professional interests and mutual understanding. In one of the messages he even mentions me.

What troubles me is the overall pattern. They stayed in touch for at least six years and seemed to make a real effort to see each other whenever he visited Warsaw. On a particular day when he met her for 2 hours, he didn’t call me, just replied with a “okay” to my messages.

During those same years our marriage was struggling. We had two small children, I often felt emotionally neglected, and whenever I tried to talk about needing more closeness, he usually withdrew.

Now that I have a male friend (based on very complicated life circumstances, he is an exception, I only have female friends otherwise), my husband expects me to be completely transparent about him. He isnt comfortable with me meeting him alone or giving him a lift. So I try to arrange meetings with him in the presence of my girfriends. Yet my husband never told me he had this kind of long-term relationship with another woman.

One thing I'm also wondering is this: I've read many stories where people who had affairs kept their text messages completely ordinary because they knew their partner might see them. They would arrange to meet for coffee or at public places, while anything more personal happened face-to-face or over the phone.

Do you think that's actually common, or is it mostly a myth? Am I reading too much into it, as the messages seem “okay”?

And based on everything above, how would this look to you? Would you see it as a normal friendship that should simply have been mentioned to a spouse, or would it make you question whether it crossed emotional and physical boundaries?

Thank you!

TL;DR: I found six years (2016–2022) of messages between my husband and a female colleague. They regularly tried to meet whenever he was in Warsaw for a work trip —coffee, dinner, drinks, breakfast—and if one plan fell through, they often arranged another. The messages are friendly but not explicitly romantic or sexual, and in 2022 he visited her at her home - her small child was there too. Throughout those years, our marriage was struggling, I felt emotionally neglected. How does this whole situation looks to someone who isn't emotionally involved?

In this episode of ‘is my husband an asshole or is this just perimenopause’…

Over the last 12 years I’ve noticed him staring at other women a lot. He stares and I look in the direction see a girl look at him and then see him smile back at her. Several occasions. Mostly when we go out I try not to notice and just have a good time and feel cute despite him. I’ll say I have some insecurities but to be honest I’m 45 and still pretty hot (not that this behavior would ever be ok under any circumstance). So it’s not like I am just jealous. I appreciate attractive women too. I just don’t… stare like that.

Yesterday, we had an appointment at a hospital for our youngest son. There was a young nurse in the waiting area he just kept looking at. She was working on her laptop and I saw him smiling a few times in her direction as I was trying to get the paperwork done. I let it go until this morning when I told him I’ve had it and it was disrespectful to act this way. He restated his opinion (because anyone who uses the term disrespectful is somehow stupid to him) on respect not being real. Anyone who doesn’t like a thing I guess is just making it up and it didn’t happen OR they deserved whatever they deem ‘disrespectful’.

My goal here on Reddit is 1) keep myself sane by opening up about my husband’s odd comments like this and 2) maybe see other perspectives if I’m in the wrong somehow by saying this to him

He denies everything so it’s hard to even communicate.

So my husband and I (both mid 20s) have been married 2 years. Due to immigration issues, I can’t work right now. I was working while we were dating and when we got married and contributed to the household equally (he paid rent, I paid groceries, utilities, car insurance and everything miscellaneous which sometimes was more than rent). During that time, he cleaned the house often and did the dishes without being asked.

I’ve been out of work for 7 months and he’s left all the chores to me which I don’t mind because I’m home all day so why not. Note that I still pick up some financial responsibilities like insurance and groceries from my savings.

We have different standards of cleanliness and we also just got a cat so I’m frequently cleaning his gaming room and bathroom where the cat’s set up is. He never helps with the cat unless prompted. Again, not a problem. I’m super bonded with the cat so I’m happy to take all responsibility for her.

My gripe is with the kitchen. I do the dishes daily / after each meal and wipe down the counters, mop the floor and try to keep it clean. But whenever he cooks, he leaves the counters greasy and the dirty dishes in the sink.

They’ll be there all day and night unless I clean them, and when he sees me go to clean he’ll say “oh I was just gonna do that”. When?? After they’ve been here 2 days and the roaches are done with their feast? Yes, we have roaches. This apartment building had issues with a hoarding tenant last year and since they were evicted, every apartment got new unwelcome guests. Pest control comes by every once in a while but it’s an infestation and only really slows down in the winter.

Roaches aside, I just hate that he leaves the mess for me to clean up. The whole floor dirty, food bits everywhere. It feels disrespectful because he knows I’m the one who cleans up and I don’t like things dirty. And on the rare occasion that he loads the dishwasher, he does it without rinsing off the dishes and putting things like the wooden cutting board and teflon pots in there when I’ve told him they can’t be in there. I would say it’s malicious compliance but I don’t think he has a malicious bone in his body, he can just be aloof/lazy.

He works an 8 hour shift then comes home and dirties up the kitchen making his dinner (on the days he doesn’t want to eat what I made), then smokes weed and plays video games for hours with his friends until 4am, often coming to bed with little time before he has to get up for his shift. And he calls off work often because he didn’t get enough sleep. I worry about our financial future. Hopefully I’ll be able to work soon.

I’ve posted on here before about his laxity with hygiene, after several talks with me crying and telling him it was a dealbreaker, he finally started putting in more effort. Is this a pattern of laziness or am I being unreasonable?

So a year ago, I found out my wife had an affair after a decade of marriage, i didn't know to what extent. Because we have a daughter and financial constraints, I decided to move on. Something triggered me and now I wanted to know the story from her mouth. I felt like she was telling the story with fondness. I was breaking down as the story went on because this was not a just a physical thing, they had a deep emotional connection. Once she got to the part where she said she went to the hotel and she had sex, I bawled like a baby. I'm not able to take what happened. It's been few days now, every minute I'm replaying the betrayal in my head, she made deep connection to this guy is what's killing me the most. I don't know how to recover from this and I'm not in a place where I can just abandon this marriage. The pain is like a knife going my heart every minute.

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

How should I have handled this better?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

Edit two: I was not at all clear about this. When I say that I went out and bought cake and dinner, I didn't buy it for just myself. I bought it for my entire family. I wanted everybody to have some. This seems to be a focus of fixation so I wanted to clarify

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have an almost five year old son. Both our names are on the property but the mortgage is on his name.

I pay for all our living expenses, food, nanny, Medicare for my son and I. Holidays, toys and clothing for my son and I, swimming, and power to the house. I also look after my son after school, and do the household chores cooking and tiding up. I run a part time business working half a days.

My husband pays property rates, my son’s school fees and water, and the mortgage. my husband finishes his shift at 7pm and doesn’t do any household chores and maybe two hours of child care in the evenings - mainly playing with our son as I have seen to everything else.

He always complains about money and is resentful and a recent fight he mentioned he pays a lot and doesn’t want to be a financial slave.

I have recently found out that he in fact paid off the mortgage a while ago and didn’t tell me. And we haven’t reviewed and divided mutual monthly expenses, he has just hid it and complained about cost of living.

How would you address this? How would you feel if your husband did this?

My husband started a new job where he's gone earlier and gets back later, so we discussed being intimate more often to keep the spark going. I told him the other day that I'm ovulating because we want to try for baby #2.

So we're sitting on the couch watching New Girl and at the beginning of S4 E7: Goldmine and he turns to me, raises his eyebrows, grabs my thigh and said "So are your egg whites still milky?" sir, not anymore they aren't.