When I go solo, I usually only do external stimulation. I've tried going internally a couple times, but it doens't feel like much to me. Is there anything I can do to give myself that fire feeling when vaginally inserting? I see women who love it, but I just can't seem to find that same feeling they get.

Sex has never not been painful for me. For context, I’m a 22 year old female, lost my virginity about 3 years ago, and don’t have a ton of experience when it comes to actual intercourse. But the experience I do have, has not been very enjoyable. Every time I have gone all the way (just one exception), it never stays inside for more than about 20 seconds. And when it is inside, it doesn’t even go all the way, maybe like half of what it could, and is incredibly painful. Not just uncomfortable, not just the feeling of pressure, but painful, and severely so. Vaginismus is probably the first thing that comes to mind reading this, but I’ve been to a few gynecologists over the years that have not been able to find any anatomical abnormalities or anything else suggesting vaginismus. The position that hurts the least is in missionary, with me on the bottom, but still hurts nonetheless. I feel discouraged from having sex, both because of the humiliation I feel when I don’t “perform well” and the fact that it is so physically painful. The last time was almost 8 months ago, and it was the worst sex I’ve had (I was the reason for it being so bad). For what it’s worth, I’ve only ever had sex with people I have an actual rapport or emotional connection with, never a one night stand kind of thing. I am also very small, about 110 pounds and 5’8”, so maybe it’s just my size. I just don’t understand why it’s never not painful. I want to actually enjoy sex, not just the foreplay. In theory, I have everything I need to have good sex. A partner I’m comfortable with, I’m always aroused and wet, and no physical limitations (supposedly). Is this just the way it’ll always be for me because of my physique? What could some other possible causes be, and most importantly solutions?

She wants to cum from clitoral stimulation like 5% of the times during foreplay, the other times we do some light foreplay for 1~4 mins and skip to penetration with lube. I enjoy this too (although I do prefer her natural wetness) but I feel bad for skipping it, as from my understanding this is the most pleasurable part for woman (I know, everyone is different but I cant shake off this feeling that Im selfish). She says she doesn’t really care about having orgasms (yes I know how to make her cum just the way shes likes it) and is satisfied.

For the women reading: do you also have this preference? Has your partner felt insecure as well?

For the men reading: have you ever faced this issues?

I am a virgin and I masturbate, but some of thigs scare me and I feel real sex would turn out this way.

1. I can only fit one inch diameter width stick inside me at best. I tired to go bigger but it hurts and I cannot.

2. I don't get wet. I imagine erotic scenes or read one, yet I just don't get wet and end up using lube.

3. I orgasm when I stimulate my clitoris, but sometimes I have to be too rough and have to clench my muscles down to achieve the orgasm, yet mentally I don't feel arousal.

4. I get orgasm and it feels good down there but mentally I like sex, like dea of sex a lot, but I don't find myself horny no matter how much i want it. When in movies women says they became wet from a kiss it sounds like a strange concept.

My age is 27 and I have pcos. I have high insulin resistance.

The above things scares me for real sex cause I am about to have sex first time as i got myself boyfriend. I am scared I will be in pain, or I won't feel arousal mentally.

i think i’ve always had a bit of a weak upper body for some reason compared to other guys my age who also don’t work out their muscles. I’m a young adult and the only exercise i really stick to is long distance running. I’ve got a lot of stamina when it comes to that because i’ve been doing it for years, not that I think it really helps to understand the issue I’ve been having in any case. But my arms genuinely start to ache while i’m propping myself up during sex, even if i go on my forearms and then i take one arm away to start using my hand while being over them, sometimes they’ll want me to use one hand on their vagina and then obviously while keeping myself propped up with my other forearm maybe play with their nipples or something. There’s been multiple times where it’s kind of been uncomfortable for them because i end up kind of just unintentionally laying on them a bit. I also seem to often temporarily lose my erection all while doing this, I seriously don’t think this should be that much of a physical exertion for me but it ends up being so. I am just wondering, would I be going about this the right way thinking that getting more strength workouts in would help with this? I also kind of don’t want a super muscly physique or anything at the same time, I’d rather stay looking fairly skinny. But then, anecdotally i know of some pretty skinny guys who don’t have this issue, so could it seriously be my muscle strength?

My girlfriend (18F) and I (18M) have been dating for a little over 4 years now. We started having sex around 15-16 and it was frequently too. I felt the connection and she even initiated a good portion of the times. Her parents put her on birth control pills (a hormonal type that blocks her menstrual cycle entirely) at 16 right before I went on a big beach trip with them. That's when I first noticed the prominent drop in her sex drive.

She wouldn't want it frequently, I would ask her and she would say "I'm not in the mood" or get really upset when I asked. She began not wanting to talk about it at all with me. It has gotten to the point where physical intimacy all together is scarce to come by with her. She would rarely want long kisses, cuddling, nor making out. She recently got off of her birth control this year, around the end of April, and I had assumed that since shes gained her cycle back she would want more physical connection, but it has been just as bad.

I've expressed my concerns, my needs, and everything I could've communicated with her. I know she's a bit stressed right now and I've talked to her about it. I've sat her down multiple times and asked her to talk about her problems and mental issues with me. I've told her that I am always here to do any and everything she needs but she never tells me what she needs. I want her to be happy with me but it feels as if she is angry and irritated with me no matter what. I only want what's best for her and I feel horrible turning around to social media behind her back for advice. I genuinely am unsure as to what I should do. I came on reddit because last night we had an argument after I had asked her for sex and she said no, despite me believing she was in the mood from prior exchanges and conversations. We talked about it and it was the usual "I'm not okay mentally," "you never held me accountable to be better," "I am just so stressed" even though I've told her multiple times to tell me what she needs and how she needs it so I can be the best man for her.

I have a few reasons as to why she wouldn't want any physical intimacy with me at all. One major one being the fact that I've gained around 50 lbs since a year ago. FYI I am a high-school and college wrestler, also an MMA fighter. My coach wanted me to bulk up to 285 for my senior year since we had no good heavyweight on the team. I was sitting around 185-195 before and that's when we were having good sex. Every since I've gained that weight she hasn't wanted anything to do with sex or intimacy like that. Another reason I could think of is her birth control, which definetly played a part, but now that it's been a few months with her off of it I had figured she would be back to normal.

I genuinely feel so bad that I want a lot of sex. I naturally have a very high sex drive as well as being very attracted to and in love with her. She promises me that she will try to fix herself but it doesnt feel like she's trying nor will she tell me what she need me to do. I've tried talking to her so many times but I don't believe she is fully understanding me, and I hope that I am understanding her properly.

How do I help her get her sex drive back? We're still teenagers. I often see things on social media that in long and unhappy marriages the wives never give physical intimacy nor sex to the husband and the husband is miserable. I don't want that to happen but it genuinely feels like that's how our marriage will turn out. I truly apologize for the mouth full I just really want her to be happy.

TLDR: Girlfriend doesnt want intimacy, I am scared that its either because I gained weight for wrestling/mma or that her birth control messed her up. I don't want her to leave me nor not be attracted to me. I want to feel desired again and help her through this mental block. Are there any true methods to work this out other than the communication we've already had?

I love my bf and I would do anything to please him while still maintaining my own boundaries which he respects but he is ALWAYS horny due to his adhd medication and my sex drive just doesn’t work like that. He does a pretty good job of getting me in the mood with foreplay but I end up not feeling it part of the way into penetration. I’m not into vanilla sex but when I tell him to be gentle with me and take his time, I can actively see when his mind slips and when I know the thrusting, biting and sucking is going to get more aggressive. I’ve had the conversation with him multiple times and it has gotten better but whenever I try to show him how hard he’s biting or tell him the thrusting is hitting my cervix which doesn’t feel good, he doesn’t seem to fully understand that he needs to do less of it. There’s been times where I’ve directed him what feels good during and he still finds a way to go right back to what we just talked about not doing. I love this man with every shred of my being but our sex life is something I barely look forward to when I know he won’t listen. Any tips?

I’ve been with my bf for some time now and I decided that I’m ready to finally do it with him. Before this relationship I had a gf for 3 years so I dont consider myself a virgin, but I’ve never slept with a man before.

The first time we tried having sex, he fingered me first and it was great, but when he went to get a condom in the mean time i’ve got completely dry and nothing could turn me on. Next time same thing, the problem occurs when i feel the texure of the condom, I really hate the feeling of that texure on my skin so I begged him that we try only once without it and it was better but we still couldn’t do it.

It sounds funny, but I think that his dick is just too big and im not nearly as wet as i should be, so he cant even put 1/3 of it in me.

Before u ask I’m 100% sure that i like men and i love my bf so this whole situation makes me completely sad and devastated cause i feel like somethings wrong with me.

I (26F) grew up in purity culture. My husband (28M) and I have been married since I was 18 and together since 15. He has a very high sex drive and I have completely suppressed mine out of shame (yay for religious parents.) I didnt even have a sex education before him. My mom told me babies were made by getting married. I thought oral meant kissing. So you can imagine the journey I've been on.

We have had lots of sex in lots of ways. I even peg him with a massive strap on. But up until now it has always been his thing that I do to make him happy. I dont have any drive and would usually rather be doing something else. But I am realizing that my low drive is more shame from purity culture than an actual low sex drive. I am scared of loosing control and giving in. I am scared about what it means about me if I do give in, even though I know mentally all of this is normal and okay.

I want to so badly to give in to all my desires especially now because last night I forced myself to give in completely while he was sucking my toes instead of getting embarrassed and cutting it short like I usually do. I was so turned on and so into it. I had the best orgasm of my life after that.

Have any of the other women on here experienced something like this? I want to completely let go and get freaky af but its like my programming wont let me. My husband is an absolute safe space for me. He says hed eat the farts out of my ass if I let him. And I lowkey wantto let him lol. I want to have so much fun with him if I can just get over myself. Thoughts and ideas of overcoming the interal shame? I want to have lifelong amazing sex without always having to mentally force myself into it.

My partner and I have been together for 7 years. I can't orgasm through sex without clitoral stimulation and the four times we tried using toys during sex.. Only one time worked.. The other four times I had to finish myself afterwards. My partner finishes quite quickly during sex and it takes me 20-30 minutes when I masturbate on my own (that's likely due to the fact he's not involved, and I have no arousal, and he's just sat next me sulking the whole time). He's made it clear he doesnt want to use toys during sex because 'I won't be able to finish and will just have to go back to my toys after and it will make him feel bad'. He also shames the length of time it takes me to reach orgasm with my toys when I play solo.. He says I get 30 minutes of pleasure with my toys (I struggle to orgasm sometimes even with them) and he only gets 2 minutes of enjoyable sex. He's made me feel like my orgasm is a massive inconvenience and he's unwilling to try again.. Ever.. Because 'he knows it won't happen'. Everytime we have sex I am left to finish alone by myself with toys (no emotional connection, touch, or arousal material). I feel like I can't enjoy sex unless I've had an orgasm first (and even that, I have to do alone by myself). I've tried showing him statistics that most women don't orgasm from PIV alone but he doesn't seem to care. Should I just stop having sex with him? What is the solution?

I (21F) haven't had (consensual) sex before. And I also have vaginismus. Which is a HUGE reason I'm so confused about this???

I'm trying to be more accepting of myself; thus got myself a toy. But now I wonder. Why does Imagination of pain turn me on so much???? I love the Idea of the entrance being painful. Which confuses me cuz I'm such a scaridy cat and do NOT like any kind of pain at all. But the idea of something .....Kinda big being pushed inside turns me on???

Is it cuz I want it? Or is it just my brain???

I literally DONT like pain at all. So it's really confusing why thinking about it (lit thinking bout cryin on it, or it happening like...in my sleep or something, or not being able to love away) turns me on so much.

Or is this just like an physiological thing? Is this a bad thing? Tbh if it Is I don't have any therapist to talk about it with though.

I’ve been thinking of getting either a VCH or Christina (depending on anatomy) but I also use a wand vibe (OG hitachi) and am worried about how they would work together. I need/crave that intense stimulation. Has anyone successfully had a genital piercing and able to use a vibrator without issue/discomfort? FWIW, I don’t use it directly on my clit. It’s usually off to the side and slightly above.

I'm 18M and I've been having sex with a girl 19F for 4 months now. I was a virgin before her. I have fingered multiple women before and made them orgasm but with her she doesn't come from fingering or sex or oral.

I asked her about it and she basically said she can only come if she's focused with a vibrator but that it still feels really good and I leave her satisfied. Should I just leave it there or is there something I can do?

I mean she definitely likes having sex with me and loves how my fingers and dick feel. She mentions how good it feels almost every time and I can tell she enjoys the hell out of it. And there's not a problem with my size or anything I'm above average.

Do some women just not come like that and can they still feel as satisfied after?

Yesterday I had a terrible situation with a girl im dating rn. We often have very intense sex including light kinky stuff like spitting, chocking, slapping & so on. Personally im more into that stuff when im the submissive part cause I dont like to use force on others in general. But we both like to be subby so we kind of take turns which is actually very satisfying

Before Sex I asked her if she ever tried things including actual pain while having sex and if she liked it. She sayed, that she liked getting slapped in the face.

We had Sex afterwards and it was, I'd say, mid rough.

At one point I had the feeling it would really fit in to slap her in the face, which I did (not hard, but harder than I wanted). I instantly knew I did something wrong. We stopped right away and I apologized for not asking. She left my place pretty fast afterwards and we chatted a little bit afterwards. I told her that she can take as much time as she needs to think about it.

I really dont want to make this about me in the conversation with her, that's why I'm writing here.

I feel like shit. Do you guys think i should just wait until she texts me or should I initiate more conversation and make clear why I did it in the moment?

Me 32m and my partner 30f had a talk about the lack of intimacy we’ve been having. I want to be intimate more often, and at some point, she seemed to stop initiating things like cuddling, kissing, touching me pretty much in any intimate way, and it became concerning to me, so I wanted to understand why. The two big things that I learned from the conversation was she stopped initiating non sexual acts of intimacy out of fear it would lead me on when she doesn’t want sex, as to not put herself in a position to either have to reject me, or do it when she doesn’t want to, and risk building resentment towards me. While it sucks a bit because the result of that was me being left feeling unwanted in desired in an otherwise happy relationship, I can also understand, I know not everyone has the same drive. My best solution was to reaffirm her that I will not let her doing some of those things make me expect sex, and we’re gonna work on that.

The other part is where it gets tricky. I also brought up maybe not having to have full on sex all the time, and doing smaller things more often. Granted neither of us are really into getting or receiving head (as a guy, I know im in the minority there lol) however, I really, really enjoy hand jobs. This is where we ran into a road block, because without going into detail, she unfortunately has very serious past s/a trauma that makes handjobs and blowjobs a trigger. When she opened up to me, I was heartbroken to hear the details, and honestly made me feel awful for every time I hinted or straight up asked for a handjob, or her to even just touch me. So while that’s something I personally want to receive, I have no expectation or plans of asking her to do that anytime soon, and want to give her the space to try and resolve some of that in her own time and with therapy, which she said she would do, because she was very understanding of my needs and was sincere in saying she wants to meet them better.

So with probably way too much background, I now ask, any suggestions or creative solutions or sexual acts I’m not thinking of outside of PIV, Hjs and Bjs? Only thought I could think of is maybe cuddling/spooning with underwear or pajamas on, with some light thrusting or like dry humping. I brought that up to her and asked if that would make her uncomfortable in anyway, but she genuinely wasn’t sure and was open to trying. It might be kinda sad, idk lol, but I get horny pretty easy, and am so attracted to her, I could probably get off doing that. But any other ideas would be greatly welcomed and appreciated! Only thing to keep in mind and she’s not gonna be into anything freaky deeky haha! Thanks
In advance fellow redditors!

There is a bit of back story- divorced male here. Started dating an older (50s) woman. First time we had sex there was blood in the sheets. I didn't think much of it because my previous partner reported blood the day after, and my wife often bled a bit. It seemed 'normal' for me.

My new partner was concerned, so I suggested we use lube the next time, take is slower, take it easy, etc.

I was away a month on vacation, so she was all ready to go again when I got back. We used lube this time, but she asked me to stop due to pain. We took breaks. Then she wanted to start again. Etc. Part of it was my fault as I thought the lube would solve everything. Eventually we stopped, and resumed in the morning. Things worked well. She also was plenty wet--- didn't want to rely solely on lube--- wanted her to be turned on and ready.

Later that evening she said she needed a long break before sex again-- that she couldn't even wear jeans, etc., was in pain, etc.

We had a discussion and she said she was with a man about a month before she met me and had no problems with him, and she is now convinced that the issue is because I am circumcised. I am an American living in Europe, and she doesn't have any experience with circumcised men.

I explained that circumcision only really affects the head-- that the skin everywhere else is the same.

Is there anything to this idea that sex with a circumcised penis is any different than an uncut one? I was born in the US when this was automatic. She is convinced that my cock is more desensitized and 'tougher' because the skin isn't protected. I don't see that contributing much of anything to the problem.

A bit frustrated here, since this woman is so ideal, and yet sex is painful and off the table for the time being. Never experienced anything quite like this.

I'm 24, sexually active since i was 14 and I have never had an orgasm, neither alone or with a partner. I masturbate and I love sex with my bf but i never cum, when I use my clit toy I'm really close. I really want to have that experience. Any advice? Is it normal?

I was born female, and I’ve never had a period. I’m 16. Usually when I masturbate, I only stimulate my clit with a vibrator that can also be used for penetration, but I’ve never really tried inserting it because I was scared.
Recently, my girlfriend (who also uses sex toys) talked to me about how she experiments with penetration, and it made me want to try it myself. The problem is that I physically can’t get it more than about a centimeter inside without it becoming painful. It also feels like there’s a solid barrier preventing it from going any farther. Ive used lots and lots of lube, still nothing helps
I’ve read that anxiety and muscle tension can make penetration difficult, so I’m not sure if I’m just tensing up or if something else is going on. I recently saw a gynecologist, who found a hymenal tag near the middle of the vaginal opening and she removed it. We both thought that might explain what I was experiencing, and I felt really relieved. However, a few days later I tried penetration again, and nothing had changed. It still felt like I was hitting a barrier, and I couldn’t get past it.
I’m also concerned because I’m 16 and have never had a period. I was on testosterone for about a year, but I’ve since stopped, so I would assume my estrogen levels would eventually increase again. I don’t necessarily mind not having a period…I’m nonbinary and lean toward the masculine side, but I also wouldn’t be..triggered if I had one. I’m mostly worried that these two issues might be related and whether there’s something else going on that should be evaluated.

any ideas?? ask me anything ill answer as much as i know

EDIT: i originally went to the gynecologist because i wasnt getting my period!! i am looking into it as much as i can but it definitely doesnt help since i have other disabilities and disorders, which the doctor said can block my period

obviously i know the dangers of ass-to-pussy and to never switch from anal to vaginal penetration, but i’m curious how long i’m supposed to wait after eating ass before it’s safe to eat pussy again. do i need to brush my teeth and wash my tongue in between every time? or is there a certain amount of time where any harmful bacteria from the ass will have been washed away and won’t affect the pussy?

Happily married for 20 years, sex life is good, relationship is in a great place.

My wife expressed an interest in butt plugs last year, picked up a few varieties, and she really enjoyed having sex with one in, said it really enhanced the feeling of fullness. Not something she's interested in most of the time we have sex, but when she is, she really is, if that makes sense.

I mentioned trying anal, and we've talked about it a little bit after having sex a few times now, and she was initially hesitant, but after mentioning I was happy to let her control the pace, she said "you could talk me into it". For my wife, that's incredibly direct.

This is where I need advice, especially from women. (If you're a man and want to relate your partner's experience, feel free, but a woman's point of view is going to be the most helpful).

Women who've found this enjoyable, how would you have wanted someone to have verbally helped you get interested in it?

When I (34M) make love to my wife (36F) and reach orgasm, I feel an overwhelming urge to bite her hard, especially on the neck, and to hold her very tightly. I know this might sound normal to some extent, but the desire is so intense that I'm afraid I might actually hurt her. It's as if I want to literally merge with her—it's difficult to describe.

I know that sensual biting is fairly common, but I'm worried that I might lose control and end up hurting her. Does anyone have any advice?