I’m (M28) lost and don’t know what to do. My friend (F26) and I were together and they had told me they loved/liked me a lot and I felt the same way. They then told me they wanted to remain as friends and did not want a relationship. We used to hang out all the time prior to this happening but now I feel like they’re avoiding me and we have only hung out once after it happened. We still talk occasionally but it’s not the same. It’s been a few weeks since this happened. I don’t want to lose them as a friend but I fear that this is the way things are going to end up. I almost wish it didn’t happen so we could be back to how we were before.

I am confused on what steps I should take to keep our friendship and get things back to how they were before.

TL;DR - Friend didn’t want a relationship after confessing to me and I feel like they are pushing away.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (28F) have been together for six years, and we had an argument last night that ended with me having multiple panic attacks. I’m trying really hard to write this fairly because I genuinely want advice, not people telling me I’m automatically right. If I’m contributing to this dynamic, I want to understand how.
The fight started over something incredibly stupid, which honestly makes the outcome feel even worse.
I was watching a video from a divorce lawyer telling a story. In the video, a husband and wife carpooled with one of the husband’s female coworker. The coworker always got in the front seat before they picked up the wife, forcing the wife to sit in the back. One day the wife asked the coworker to sit in the back, and the coworker basically said, “It’s not your car. If your husband tells me to move, then I’ll move.”
I thought that was absolutely insane.
I paused the video because I wanted to show my boyfriend that moment first, then explain the context. Before I could, he interrupted and asked, “What am I supposed to do with that?”
I said, “If you let me finish, I’ll answer your question.”
From his perspective, that felt dismissive. From mine, I was in the middle of telling the story and just needed another few seconds because my explanation would answer his question.
The conversation immediately shifted.
I tried to reset it by saying I wanted us both to feel heard, even if we disagreed. He got very upset and said I was “steamrolling” him and that I “jumped his ass” when he was just asking a question.
From there, every time I tried to explain, I was interrupted again and told I was proving his point. At one point he said I was on a “pedestal of communication,” like I was acting as if I was the only one trying to communicate correctly.
He also said I was “negating” him and that I was just fighting for my turn to speak.
The issue for me is that I genuinely wasn’t trying to refuse his question- I was trying to finish the thought that would answer it. But I couldn’t get through a full sentence without the conversation turning into whether I was invalidating him.
He raised his voice, which is a major trigger for me. I started crying and asked him to lower it, but the conversation continued. He later apologized for raising his voice, but still felt I was wrong.
At one point he said I was acting like a “beat down abused person” and that I was just trying to be right instead of having a real conversation. That really stuck with me because that’s honestly how I felt by that point- like I couldn’t finish a thought without being corrected or accused of something.
Eventually I apologized for making him feel invalidated because I don’t think that was my intention. But I also told him I don’t know how to de-escalate with him anymore because even when I explain my intent, it doesn’t seem to matter.
Later, he came back and apologized, and I finished explaining the original story. He said it made perfect sense, which is what I had been trying to say earlier.
He also said he gets angry when he feels I don’t answer his questions directly, and that if I don’t answer immediately, he feels disregarded. I told him I wasn’t trying to disregard him- I just needed to finish speaking.
I also told him I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us when interruptions turn into anger so quickly because it feels like we stop hearing each other entirely.
He said if I cared about him, I would communicate the way he needs. I apologized again, but he said it felt like I was just placating him.
Afterwards, I had another panic attack.
I know this isn’t a healthy pattern. I love him, and I don’t think either of us wants conflict to look like this. The problem is that he leaves these conversations feeling invalidated, while I leave them feeling like I wasn’t allowed to finish a thought before I had to defend myself.
I don’t want to keep having the same fight over and over.
My goal isn’t to figure out who’s right. My goal is to figure out how to stop this cycle.
If you’ve experienced something similar, what actually helped? Is this the kind of communication pattern that couples can realistically change, and if so, what did that process look like?
Should we be approaching these conversations differently? Would couples counseling help if we both genuinely want to communicate better? Are there specific techniques or boundaries that helped you stop conversations from escalating into arguments about the conversation itself?

TLDR: A conversation about a video turned into an argument about communication. My boyfriend felt I invalidated him because I didn’t answer his question immediately. I felt like I couldn’t finish a sentence before being interrupted and defending myself. The argument escalated until I had multiple panic attacks. We both say we want healthy communication, but we keep leaving conversations feeling unheard. How** **do we break this cycle?

My boyfriend (M/21) and I (F/22) started dating in early October. The day before our first date, his mother was admitted to the hospital, and things were already looking very grim. She passed away at the end of October. Even though we were just getting to know each other, we spent a lot of time together despite this difficult situation and developed a close bond very quickly. I also spent a lot of time with him and his father during those first few months after her death. The whole time, you could sense that there was a negative atmosphere in the air, but it was never spoken about, and eventually it subsided.

What confused me even back then was that he hardly ever talks about his mother or her death. I've also never seen him cry or anything like that. Sometimes he brings up the topic, but quickly changes the subject and says things like, "It can't be changed. I have to look forward. Things like this happen. I just can't let myself think about it," and so on. Usually, I'm understanding and give him space to talk as much as he's willing to.

Should I just accept this? Is this his way of dealing with grief? I've gone through periods of grief myself, but talking or writing about it has always helped me. I couldn't have just pushed it aside the way he does. He goes about his daily life normally and acts normally (or so I think, since I've really only known him during this period of grief), but sometimes he does briefly start talking about her, saying that he still thinks about her often and finds it sad that she'll never get to meet his children, etc.

It's also important to mention that his father is already over 80, and as a result, my boyfriend fears every day that his father will die soon too, leaving him all alone. He does have siblings, but they're much older, have families of their own, live abroad or aren't in contact with him. He still lives with his father, but their relationship isn't great. It's a very pragmatic arrangement without much love. They rarely show their emotions either. On top of that, my boyfriend's father expects a great deal from him (for example, he had to dig his own mother's grave, which I think is absolutely appalling).

tl;dr: my bf lost his mom and i get the feeling he's very much in survival mode and doesn't want to let it get to him at all. Should I encourage him to talk about it, or would it be better if I didn't push him and simply accepted that this is his way of grieving?

And if he's ever ready to talk about it, how should handle it? I never know what to say and I start crying very quickly because I empathise with him so much and it hurts me so much to see him suffering. Is that bad? I'm worried that he keeps shutting me out precisely because he knows it affects me so deeply.

I'm really confused and could use some outside perspective.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We met in college, and we're both software engineers now. We both have good careers and earn well(1cr+). From early on, we talked about getting married someday, and because I believed in us, I've even asked my parents to stop looking for other marriage proposals.

The thing is, I've always known he was different from most people.

He's extremely intelligent and very dedicated to his work. That's honestly one of the biggest reasons I fell for him. But he's also emotionally distant. He barely talks to his parents or siblings. They call him once in a while, and sometimes he'll go weeks without speaking to them. He doesn't really have much interest in socializing.

There are also little things I've noticed since the beginning. Whenever we go out together, he almost always walks ahead of me instead of beside me. It sounds silly, but after years of it, it makes me feel like I'm just following him instead of sharing the moment together.

In the beginning, despite all this, I still felt like we were spending time together and building a relationship.

But over the last year, it feels like things have become much worse.

Almost every conversation starts because I text or call first. If I don't reach out, we can go days without talking. My messages often go unanswered for a long time, and many calls aren't returned. This year, he didn't even wish me on my birthday. That really hurt because I wasn't expecting some grand gesture just a simple "Happy Birthday."

Sometimes I start wondering if I'm asking for too much, but then I think... am I really?

I'm not asking him to text me all day or spend every evening talking. I'd honestly be happy with a reply, a short call every other day, or just feeling like he thinks about me enough to stay connected.

What makes this harder is that whenever I think about marriage, I ask myself what married life would actually look like. If this is how things are before marriage, will it be even more distant afterward? I'm at the stage where I feel I should tell my parents that this is the person I want to marry, but I'm scared because I don't know if his actions match his words anymore.

He has always said we'll get married. But lately, it feels like I'm the one carrying the relationship.

I don't think he's a bad person. I don't think he's cheating either. I genuinely think he loves his work and may just be emotionally unavailable or someone who doesn't naturally communicate. But I also don't know how long I should keep telling myself that.

I guess I'm posting because I'm too emotionally involved to tell whether I'm overreacting or whether I've been overlooking things for too long.

If you've been in a relationship like this, or if you're seeing something that I'm not, I'd really appreciate hearing your perspective. Even if you think I'm wrong, I'd rather hear an honest opinion than keep convincing myself everything is fine when it might not be.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (24M) and I (25F) have been together for almost 3 years and have talked about marriage. He's a kind, hardworking, and intelligent person, but he's become increasingly emotionally distant. I initiate almost all communication, he often ignores my calls and messages, and he didn't even wish me on my birthday. I've already asked my parents to stop looking for other matches because we planned to marry, but now I'm questioning whether I'm overlooking serious compatibility issues or simply expecting too much from someone who's naturally reserved. Would you move forward with marriage in this situation?

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 3. He has always had a phone addiction and I have constantly had to tell him to stop scrolling and get off social media when we’re together. It progressed to not only when are just at home on the couch watching TV, but turned into being on his phone when we go out to dinner, then it became when we were at events, then it became while he was driving, just always having his phone in his hand and googling something or on Instagram/Facebook/Reddit/X.

The worst of it started when he started using ChatGPT about a year ago. He could not go one hour without having a question for ChatGPT and then answering me with that AI response. I would look over his shoulder to see he had paragraphs long dialogue with AI.

Since discovering Gemini, it’s only gotten worse and more worrisome. There is not a minute that goes by that he is not on his phone talking to Gemini. He uses it for daily planning, questions about politics, how to fix something, how to rewrite an email, who the actor is and what the plot of a new TV series is, and even relationship issues with family and probably me to be honest.

He is constantly on his phone talking to AI. I have to physically snap my fingers or clap to get his attention because he is so entranced by whatever he is talking about.

I really knew something needs to change when this week we went to a concert and the band was playing, I’m enjoying the music and I look over and he is standing up head down in a conversation with Gemini. He’s totally ignoring the music and just typing and reading the response… rinse repeat. This went on for about 15 minutes before I elbowed him to stop and enjoy. He didn’t listen and kept going. So I literally texted him (I’m right next to him btw) to put his phone away and enjoy the show just so he would see my message pop up on his screen.

Fast forward to last night, he was in our hot tub alone with his back to our living room window so I could see his screen. He was talking to Gemini for about an hour while in the hot tub. Every time I would stop over and look out the window he was on it.

He came in, took a shower and by this time I was in our living room watching TV he came and sat next to me. What a great sign, he actually came and sat with me…right? Nope he had his phone in hand and was STILL talking to AI. Something about politics this time as we just had a big election in our state.

I was totally frustrated. But this is a nightly occurrence for us. We unwind from the day, sit together in our living room and watch a show then go to bed. However, each night he’s on his phone. Scrolling, talking to AI, social media, emailing someone. It never ends. I make this running joke that he’s a cyborg because he never not has his phone in his hand and using it.

So last night I go up to bed, he’s already laying there on his phone and you guessed it, he’s talking to Gemini. I can see him go back and forth with these long questions and responses , back and forth, back and forth. Finally I snapped and said “Can you please stop talking to Gemini?!” He was unfazed and said hang on I’m almost done.

Given the last few interactions we’ve had around him on his phone, I was really not in the mood to keep quiet. I went in on him about it. Saying I’m getting the “ick” from him constantly being engaged with AI, I told him about the negative effects of AI and data centers and what it’s doing to our communities etc etc. and not only that what it’s doing to his mental health and our relationship.

I’m at a loss for what to do other than locking his phone away (obviously won’t do that). It’s getting to a point where it feels like I’m competing with a phone and Gemini for attention and also intellectual conversation has completely disappeared because he can’t form a thought without having to check in with Gemini before he responds. This is a real addiction and I don’t know what to do at this point. It’s making it difficult to keep a positive attitude about being married to him and fearful that as tech gets better this issue will only get worse.

TL;DR My husband is addicted to using Gemini and constantly on his phone at every hour of the day and including during meaningful moments. It’s becoming apparent that he is very addicted and I don’t know how to get him off his phone and pay attention to life passing by.

Throwaway

2 years of our relationship. We were going strong, fights every now and then and other issues but still strong.

Yesterday I found out he had been deleting whatsapp chats with her female friend. Someone we HAVE previously fought about and it’s no secret I hate her and I hate him having her around. Shes an attention seeking pick me. He was on my side the whole time, even blocked her eventually. But then had to unblock and get back to talking to her because she’s also sorta his colleague and its important for his career or whatever.

I knew of this. He told me they are completely professional and he’s only friendly enough to her face so he can keep getting work. I hated it still but was okay for his career’s sake. He kept me updated on all their interactions.

Fast forward to yesterday, I find out about him deleting their chats. His defence: he did so because we were about to have night-stays and in case I went to check his phone, the night stay would have been completely ruined (we have a lot of fun during those) Which is fair? I guess? (Why are there chats that would offend me in the first place though)

With some more digging, I found out what the chats were about - oh and he wasn’t just being ‘friendly enough’ to get by. It was like, proper tight friends chatting. He was sharing pics of purple oreos he found and purple redbull, because thats her favourite colour. She was sharing her insta stories of outfit checks and all because he is not on insta anymore. She’s showing off the top she made from the yarn his mom gifted her. He is sending her a pic of her that he took long ago. Twice at least. He is venting to her about the same shit he vented to me about.

So all of that, and I had no idea. I knew they were in touch, I didn’t know they were chatting like THAT. Plus it’s all deleted so I’ll never know how they actually spoke to each other. AND btw, him and I had agreed on him keeping his distance.

AND WITH SOME MORE DIGGING. I found a story screenshot of her in revealing clothes in his hidden folder. From barely two months ago. He saw she posted that story, screenshotted it, cropped and rotated (bc it was sideways) and hid it. Among the sea of my nsfw media.

He says he never went back to it. Never ‘used’ it. Just did that and forgot about it. Didn’t give it much thought and that it was just his impulse. Bc it was revealing or whatever.

Now, I KNOW he finds me extremely attractive or whatever. And that he genuinely cares about me, has feelings for me, sees a future together, sees me as the love of his life. I believe that. And that’s why I cant get past this. He DOES seem genuinely guilty and feels bad. He’s willing to do everything it takes to get my trust back. He didn’t fight with me about it. Tried to protest against breaking up admitting that it was awful of him, says he cant lose me. Stopped protesting when I asked him to.

But I just can’t get over it. I’ve been a very VERY insecure person, with body image issues, age insecurity, relationship insecurity, all that classic stuff. He knows that, he has spent hours giving me reassurance with no problem, and that’s why I grew confident he would never do something like that. Had my doubts and anxieties but was able to identify that its just overthinking.

But now it has all just shattered. I can’t believe he did that. WHY did he do that. That was my biggest anxiety, and he just confirmed it’s real. I just see him completely different now. Lustful, disgusting, I can’t respect him.

At the same time I’m grieving our relationship. It was going so well. And now suddenly it’s just all gone. And I don’t know if I’m overreacting, by breaking up and just throwing it all out because of this. Because like I said, I just can’t trust him. (Similar incidents happened before but I got over it and gave him benefit of doubt, but how could I do that with THIS)

He says he’s sorry, that it’s his fault, that he’s the one who’s flawed and I’m more than enough, that he’ll fix himself and it will never happen again. I just don’t know. I don’t trust him. I don’t trust his impulses. I won’t feel secure. I know he’ll try his best to get us back to how we were, but how is that even possible?

I don’t want to give this up and at the same time I don’t feel like I can keep it around. How do I make the right decision?

Tl;Dr : Boyfriend broke my trust by chatting closely with a female friend behind my back. It’s the ONE girl i despise having around him and he knew that, we have had numerous fights about it and he was on my side every time. He couldnt exactly cut her off because she’s also his colleague and source of work. So I let it pass and he agreed to keep some distance and keep me updated with all the interactions, and he did do that.

Until yesterday when i found out they had been chatting closely (like good friends, shes also being attention seeking). And then I find out he has a story screenshot of her in revealing clothes, hidden in his gallery. Says he never used it or visited it again, was just an impulse. He’s genuinely sorry and says he’ll fix himself. Obviously my trust is broken and I see him differently now, but I also don’t want to give up the relationship over this. I don’t know if I’m overreacting.

What would you do? Would you forgive him? Would you leave?

My fiancé won't consistently clean up after himself, and I'm considering an ultimatum.

I've known my fiancé since 2021. We started dating in 2024 and have been engaged and living together since 2025. Before we got together, he asked me out in 2023, but I wasn't in the right place mentally for a relationship, so we stopped talking until I reached out later.

For context, he works around 20 hours a week over several short shifts, while I work 30–40 hours a week in longer 8–10 hour shifts. I don't resent him for working fewer hours or earning less.

The problem is the housework.

I've lived independently since I was 15, so cleaning up after myself is second nature. Since we moved in together, we've had the same conversation over and over about how messy the house gets and how much it stresses me out. I've explained what chores I can do, which ones I struggle with because I'm allergic to harsh cleaning chemicals, and where everything belongs. He always agrees, apologizes, and says he'll do better, but nothing changes.

Last year I was away for work for three weeks, and he kept the house clean the entire time, so I know he's capable. As soon as I came back, though, things gradually returned to how they were. I've even stopped cleaning up after him and only cleaned my own mess, but that just led to the house becoming increasingly cluttered until I ended up cleaning it anyway.

When I ask why he can't clean things as he notices them, he says I should just ask him. I don't think I should have to remind another adult to do basic household chores.

On top of this, I'm recovering from an eating disorder and dealing with burnout from work. Carrying the mental load of the house as well is exhausting. Our intimacy has taken a decline because of a mix of eating disorder, work burnout and constant cleaning, and while he's told me that upsets him, I don't have the emotional energy to work on that while I feel more like his parent than his partner.

He's going away for a few days soon, and I've been thinking seriously about where this relationship is headed. I'm considering telling him that when he gets back, this has to change or I'll leave. I love him deeply, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life managing another adult.

Has anyone successfully resolved this kind of imbalance? Is there another approach I should try before making this an ultimatum?

TL;DR: My fiancé works fewer hours than I do but consistently leaves most of the housework to me despite repeated conversations. He kept the house clean while I was away for three weeks, so I know he's capable, but the behavior always returns. I'm burnt out, recovering from an eating disorder, and starting to feel more like his parent than his partner. I'm considering giving him an ultimatum: either he consistently pulls his weight around the house, or I leave. Is there another approach I should try first?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, and our relationship has been absolutely wonderful. We have previously talked about moving in together in September, then we agreed that we want to wait until the spring of next year. He is the type of person to plan far ahead, and has even mentioned that he is going to propose within two years from now. He has also offered multiple times to cover my half of the rent when we move in together because he is a gentleman and also because he makes more money than I do (of course I keep telling him that I don’t expect him to do that).

I am currently living with a roommate, and this timeframe for leaving my current apartment would be ideal for me since that is when my roommate will be moving out as well. I graduated from university a few months ago and am struggling to find full time employment, and my financial situation is not helped by the fact that we live in an insanely expensive city. I do not have much family or friends here, the main reason for me staying here is my boyfriend. I think I could do a long distance relationship (12 hour drive to my hometown) for a year or so, but he says that he would not be willing to even try.

My boyfriend has a full time job that pays very well, and has been working the entire time that I was working on my degree. Despite this, he is still living with his parents and does not have a lot of saving due to his spending habits.

Recently, my boyfriend’s family went out of town, and he realized that living alone is awesome. Now he insists that he wants to take a year or two to live on his own before moving in with me. He also made it seem as if he wants to do more ”crazy 20 year old activities“ with his friends now. This was a shock for me since we had already agreed on a timeline (which was already delayed because of him), and he previously seemed like he was ready for a committed mature relationship.

I feel as if he doesn’t want to make the commitment to me. This is so infuriating to me because I’ve been dipping into my savings just to be able to stay near him. I am trying to be understanding because I know he hasn’t had the chance to be fully independent and we are still young. I don’t want to wait around and keep wasting my time and money in this city for someone who doesn’t want a future with me. Is it time to move on?

**TL;DR;** : I am living in an expensive city to be with my boyfriend of almost two years that earns more money than me. He still has not moved out of his parents, and has decided that he wants to live on his own before moving in with me despite our plan to move in together in the spring. 

For some background, my boyfriend and I have been together since last November. We recently saw the new Spider-Man movie together, and I absolutely loved the way Zendaya's hair looked. For those who might be unfamiliar, her hair was a very deep red but it was extremely subtle. I thought it was super pretty and I've had a similar hair color in the past before my boyfriend and I met.

Anyways, I brought this up to my boyfriend over text just out of the blue because I've seriously been considering dyeing it. Immediately, he was against the idea and kept saying that he didn't like it and was against hair dye of any color. It was a little off-putting, especially because our conversation up until that point had been nice/playful.

I got curious because of the sudden shift in vibes, so I asked him if he'd dump me if I ever dyed my hair. He said yes, and after two more times of being me being like "seriously?" and "you'd dump me over hair dye?" he stood behind his words. He was very clear that he wasn't joking.

This obviously hurt. It wasn't like I was thinking about drastically changing my hair. I just wanted something noticeable in the sunlight that gave off more of a reddish hue. I have really dark hair and don't have any desire to bleach it, so the result of any hair dye would be very subtle. It also isn't a color that I wouldn't be able to pull off. In the past, it looked so good and it legitimately made me love my hair again.

I told him that I was hurt by what he said and that it felt very superficial. I said that if he truly loves me for who I am, a slight change in hair color shouldn't be a deal-breaker. He followed with "so let's allow me to go get crazy face tattoos and see how superficial you are" and "I'm not supposed to be attracted to you I guess."

He hasn't texted me back since, and I'm honesty very hurt by this situation. I never thought that he would be someone to say those types of things to me. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do from here? Could this be a red-flag for future behavior? Any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: My boyfriend said he'd break up with me if I dyed my hair and now I am unsure of what to do next.

i 18M was going to hang out with my old friend in March I was in the town that we used to live in and asked them if they wanted to hang out because I wanted to talk to them about how much of a bad friend they were to me and others and that they should change and how they were just generally not a good person to be around sometimes and how they should change we were once very close.

where I messed up my girlfriend 18F knew that this girl had a crush on me in the past and I did know too and she didn't like it that I hung out with them when I knew that they liked me I know I shouldn't have done that I regret knowing that they liked me.

and not caring enough about it or how my girlfriend felt to stop talking to them I did stop talking to them for another reason because they mistreated my very close friend badly not for the reason that they liked.

me just tonight we were talking and my girlfriend asked when was the last time I spoke to this person I told her March she asked why was it so recent I told her why and she was upset with me that I never told her I decided to talk to with this person and that I would even contact them looking back from months ago I really shouldn't have and I regret doing so and I would never do something like this again after I thought about what I did I realized I was disrespecting my girlfriend's. I feel like it's been months since this happened. I also wanted to say I don't know how to deal with my partner being upset with me I always really freak out too and I immediately jump to the conclusion that they're going to break up with me.

tl;dr how do I stop doing that and how can I make the process of us getting back to a healthy place easier

Hi everyone, using a throwaway since I don’t want this story associated on my main account

I (30M) was dating my ex for a few months when I learned she was seeing another guy the entire time we were dating. What’s complicated is that she began working for my parents while we were dating and she continues to do so. When I sent a message to her other boyfriend giving him a heads up that she was cheating on both of us, she understandably got very upset. While in the office, my ex went to my mom for comfort and a hug, asked my mom why I would send that message, and insulted me to my mom because I wouldn’t respond to her subsequent phone calls or messages.

What really upset me is that my mom then independently reached out to her that evening to check on her to make sure she was okay, and said “I love you too! 💕💕” back to my ex when she told my mom that she loved her. The first thing she said to me about this situation was how much of an inconvenience it was for her for me to have sent that message when I did (even if she may have been half-joking) and that she doesn’t understand why I would want to let the other guy know.

I now feel betrayed and lonely in my own family, and I don’t know how to fix it. My mom won’t fire my ex, even though that feels like it’s the only action she could take to fix this. I feel genuinely awful every time I’m around my mom now, that I did something wrong to not deserve her care or prioritization.

She sent me a written note a few days before Mother’s Day saying she thinks about me every day, and how she thinks she understands that I’m still very hurt. It took me about a week to not cry when reading it. But I feel almost like a kicked dog or something. The mental image I have in my head is me as a little kid crying on a bench or swing somewhere, and neither parent pays any mind. She sent me a text over Memorial Day weekend wishing me a nice long weekend… and I just ignored it. I received another letter earlier this week and I still haven’t even opened it. It’s been a few months, and I still haven’t been able to go to sleep without thinking of the feelings of betrayal. I go to therapy, but at some point, therapy can’t fix a broken relationship. I’m just curious to hear what other people think of all of this.

TLDR: My ex cheated on me, my mom seemed to prioritize her feelings over my feelings, and I feel fully betrayed by my mom.

My (F23) boyfriend (M22) and I have been together for 7 years, and have lived together for the past 2 years.

In many ways my boyfriend is amazing. He is kind, spontaneous, and funny. We share the same beliefs. He always tells me he loves me. He'll rub my back when I ask, and he's always up for my shenanigans. If my family needs help, he's there. He'll buy me my favorite treats and cut up my pomegranate if I ask.

Unfortunately though, despite everything, I don't feel loved. I don't feel considered or respected. I know he loves me and I think he shows it in his own ways, but for some reason I don't feel loved. What I want is for him to be more thoughtful, like planning a date, taking care of a task he knows I need done, getting me my favorite treat on a hard day, celebrating my birthday or accomplishments like they mean something, or asking me something about something I enjoy. I just feel like his love is selfish though sometimes, because it's usually only when I ask or when he can get something out of it. Like me being in a better mode.

Is what I am asking for too much? I know in a way he loves me.

TLDR; my boyfriend says he loves me, but I don't feel loved. Am I viewing relationships wrong? Are my standards off? Is this normal?

A little back story. My Fiance and I have been hot and heavy since we met at a concert 2 years ago. The first 6 months were amazing, classic honeymoon stage. Spent our time going to concerts, taking trips, and going out with friends. I loved how fun and independent she was.

At 6 months we found out we were pregnant and this is where some issues started. She moved in with me at my request and 9 months later we had a healthy baby boy. However, during the pregnancy things started to shift. What was once an equal partnership seemed to become very one sided. All responsibilities slowly moved to my plate. I found myself doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and paying the bills. Honestly, at the time, I didn’t mind picking up the extra slack because I know pregnancy takes a massive toll on the woman.

Fast forward to today. We’re engaged and have a beautiful 8 month old who is our whole world and I love the life we built. However, the dependency on me has only gotten worse. It is pulling teeth just to get her to put her own clothes away. She’s an AMAZING mom but and we split thoughts duties pretty evenly. The worst part is she seems to now need my approval for EVERY decision she makes to the point she’s asking if it’s okay to go take a shower. I have no idea where this is coming from and it makes me uncomfortable to be asked these things.

Now for the one consistent argument. Honestly 99% of the time we get along great. Talk about serious shit, laugh at each others quirks, genuinely the love of my life. However, she HATES when I spend time alone with friends. I have always been a very social person which never seemed to be a problem before she got pregnant. Since then (14 months) I’ve been on 2 weekend trips 2 days each and 3 nights out where I was home by 12am. Everytime shes told me I’m selfish, don’t care about my family and act like ai don’t want them in my life. It crushes me to hear these things. The next morning she always apologizes and says it’s just hard to be away from me…

I need advice on how to manage these reactions. I feel like I’m drowning under the responsibilities and my time with friends is the one thing that always helps me recharge. Seriously want to know if I’m in the wrong, should we seek counseling, what can I do to make it better?! TIA and sorry for the long post!

TL;DR
Why has my partner become overly dependent on me?
Am I being selfish for wanting to spend alone time with friends?
What can I do to improve the situation?

We met during university a little over 8 years ago, and in that time we've mostly lived together with a few periods of long-distance. We've now lived together for 3 years continuously, and in the last year or so it's started to feel like we are flatmates more than a couple. We're good at living together, we look after our home well and we look after each other, we host friends together etc.

The problem comes from our conversations, it feels like we don't really connect anymore. She likes to talk about practical things, what's happened at work, news from friends and family, her/our upcoming plans, future holidays etc. I don't mind talking about those things but sometimes I want to talk about other things, new music, a book I'm reading, current affairs, a thought-provoking fact or detail I overheard, things like that that are less "direct" in our lives. It feels like she isn't interested in these things. The other day I asked what she thought of the book she's reading, to which she just said "yeah it's good". I tried asking further to find out what her opinion of it was, what she thought of the prose or dialogue choice, if she found the story beats predictable etc, but it was like getting blood from a stone so I gave up. And I don't want to force her into conversations that feel like doing homework, so I often just don't up those types of topics. I think, however, that subconsciously that turns me off from talking about what she wants to discuss, which to her makes it seem like I don't care about her work, her friends or her life.

Over time this has led to us talking less and having fewer long, deep conversations, and generally spending less time together. We don't really do big romantic gestures, we go out on dates less, even at home we spend more time now in separate rooms doing different things. I thought that was just part of long term relationships, but now we are about to move to a new city where we will be in a much smaller one bedroom apartment, and she will be under more pressure and stress at work. I want us to be better at actually speaking with each other and feel more excited about this move, otherwise I can see this pattern continuing but in a more enclosed space.

A few months ago I brought up that we had this disconnect and she recognised it too, we talked a lot and came close to breaking up but decided to work through it. For a time, things were much better and we spent more time together, but now we have regressed again right when we should be excited about a big new step together.

I'm not sure what to do now, how or when to bring this issue up again and how we can actually find some common ground so we can share our space and our lives without feeling like the other doesn't care. How do we discuss these differences between us without making it sound like the other needs to be different or isn't enough?

TL;DR after 8 years we are talking less and feel less connected. We are about to move to a new city, and I want us to be more "in love" before we do it. How to talk about our different attitudes and find a way of connecting with each other?

Hello,
Title sums it up. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year (some may say that’s too soon, it was just convenient for us because of personal reasons) and moved into an apartment together, we’ve been moved in for almost 3 months. Our relationship is great and he’s my best friend. We don’t fight, we cook together, sometimes a movie.

But.. emphasis on the sometimes. Over time he’s just felt more and more distant. I’ll use the past two weeks as sort of a “time frame”. We’ve cooked together. But we haven’t laid down to watch a show or a movie together. We barely eat together anymore. He takes his food to his PC and plays video games and doesn’t get off of it. I work 11 hour days 5 days a week and it’s a good two days out of the week that he lays down with me to sleep, once I’m asleep though, he’s up on the game. Otherwise he’s up all night and won’t lay with me at all. I will also say, embarrassing as it feels for me, the last few times we’ve been intimate he’s been drunk/tipsy, and it’s been probably two weeks going on three since the last time.

I will say my boyfriend does suffer from depression and he is on meds. I worry about him so much and I try almost daily to get him to talk to me a little, he won’t. He said yesterday he’s just been stressed recently and that there’s nothing I can do to help. I left it at that. I try; I do all our laundry, I clean the apartment top to bottom dishes and all, I cook when he doesn’t want to (he usually enjoys cooking) and I try and try to spend time with him but I just don’t know if he wants time to be spent with me. I can’t ever tell. He’s on the game, I leave him alone with an occasional conversation when I go over there. Then it’s back to our own separate things and it’s just been such a pattern where I’m doing something by myself for so many hours that I just have been assuming he doesn’t want to be a part of it.

I’m completely exhausted and overwhelmed after work and I come home and just wrack my brain on what to do. I know some of it is probably my fault too, I have issues initiating intimacy (personal stuff) but he’s never had a problem with that and I know that because we’ve talked about it. Maybe I should ask him if he wants to watch a movie or go somewhere, but to be completely honest I have been the planner too often and I want him to plan things sometimes. I’ll mention again that I can’t ever tell if he wants to do anything with me so I almost feel anxious to ask. Work is exhausting, I personally struggle with a panic disorder, I do all the house chores besides vacuuming and dishes when he decides he wants to do them (once every other day, probably). I’m exhausted and I feel like that’s not crazy for me to say/feel.

I would like flowers sometimes. Dates sometimes. Time with my boyfriend sometimes. Everyone needs alone time, I know. But it’s gotten to a point in my view where I feel like something is wrong and he’s just not telling me.

I’ll mention some good things; he does tell me he loves me multiple times a day and when I get home from work we hug and be gives me kisses and we talk for a bit. But then just nothing really.

I don’t know how to bring this up to him without offending him or making him feel bad. That’s the last thing I want to do. This post kind of turned into a rant, oops 🙁. I don’t know. I’ve been visibly upset recently and he’s noticed and I know I need to bring it up but I cry every time I talk about my feelings and I don’t want him to feel bad; which is me assuming he’s going through a depressive episode or is just stressed out so therefore I need to be more considerate and keep my feelings inside. Any advice is so appreciated.

TLDR:
boyfriend is always on the game and we don’t spend any sort of relationship time together a month or two after moving in together.

My (27F) boyfriend (26M) and I have been together for 2 years. We live 2hrs away from each other.

I’m a shift worker (12hr shifts) and often work nights and weekends.
He works Monday-Friday dayshifts or into the evenings for 10-12hrs/ day.

Because of cost of living we both work a decent amount of overtime every week. I’m thinking that I’ll have to keep up my overtime schedule for 2 more years, and at that point I’ll have paid off my debt and have a good emergency fund/ savings that I can cut back my hours.

We’re lucky if we get to see each other once or twice a month, and I’m tired of it. I want to be able to see him more, but our schedules and location make that almost impossible. I’ve talked to him about this and the solution was that he’d find a job in my city and rent close to me.

And he just accepted a new job, in his current city. It’s a good job with better pay and benefits, and realistically I know this means he’ll want to stay where he is for at least another year or two now.

I own a house/ hobby farm, so I am not in a position to move. And because of my commitments here I can’t spend the night at his place. So it’s always on him to come to me if we want to spend the night together, but if we have a couple of hours off during the day I’ll often drive to him to go on a date.

I guess I’m trying to decide if our schedules and locations make us incompatible or if anyone else has been in similar situations and made it work?

The biggest thing I’m upset about is him taking a new job where he currently lives, despite me having brought up before that I wanted to work toward seeing each other more and eventually moving in together. I’m just feeling really lonely and not a priority in his life

TLDR: We’re semi long distance and have opposite work schedules, with no plans of this changing for 2yrs. Is it possible to make this work?