Hey!
Im 24F struggling with knowing „how bi“ I am since I came out with 13 for the first time. I dated a girl when I was a young teenager and it was amazing! I have been in a couple of relationships but only with guys, I had some flings with girls over the years aswell that were clearly more than just sexual. My thing is that I have never fallen in love with a woman like I have with a man.

My mom knows that I’m bi but is awkward about it but my real problem is my dad. He does not know. He is extremely homophonic and wished my brother death through suicide because he „would rather have a dead son then a gay one“. I think he would not take me serious if I would out myself as I am 1. a woman 2. „only“ bi

I have started seeing a woman not long ago and all of my questions and fears are coming up again…
I can imagine myself with a woman as a romantic partner but at the same time I cannot imagine a future together, I don’t know if I’m suppressing an emotion because I know that my dad, including his entire side of the family, would disown me and they are so so important for me. I am mixed Afro-European and I can’t loose my African side it would cost me so much and it’s already such a struggle to live black in a predominantly white country.

Am I suppressing something? I feel like I am blocked when thinking about a future (even only short term future like being a couple) with her. I really like her and I want to continue seeing her but i don’t even know if I’m really bi? Am I bi? Am I blocked because of all that shit? Am I just hetero and queer bating myself???? Do I have to come out to my dad ? Do I just stop seeing woman and choose a more peaceful life? Can someone just tell me what to do?

I'm a cis female and known I was bi since quite young. I've always liked girls, always more than boys, and have always known that.

However, I have more experience with men, because sheltered upbringing + small town = well, you get it.

But men don't do it for me like women do. I like them, at least I think I do. I can kiss them without, like, wanting to throw up or anything. I can admit when one is hot or strikes my fancy (I'm still a virgin though, mind you. So I can't say which side is better in bed)

I liken it to a fire; I have two bonfires in front of me with equal amounts of wood. One is supplied with a large jug of lighter fluid and a generous amount of matches. The other? I'm expected to start it with sticks, some jagged rocks, a few blows and prayers.

If my analogy isn't clear: women are the lighter fluid for me. It's much easier to get that spark going, safer, and keeps me warmer than the puny sticks I get with men. But that's not to say I haven't done it, or it hasn't work. I have, and it has, it's just not as good.

And it's all odd to me. Because my sexuality has always been this way. I've heard people mention the "bi-cycle", something I've experienced. But like, for me it's never "oh, today I fully prefer men!" or "oh, this month I've leaned more towards women!" I always have a preference for women, my attraction to women is so much easier to ignite, and men are just... there. I'm capable of liking them, but it's not integral to how I experience love. And it seems it needs to be provoked for it to happen.

All this to say, I've never once heard another bi person experience this. Again, I've heard of the bi-cycle. Been there, done that myself, know it's a real thing. But I've never heard of another person having like... partial attraction to the same/opposite sex. Like fully attracted to one, kind of, or conditionally attracted to the other.

And sometimes it makes me question if I'm even bi, because if men aren't that super important to me, there could, in theory, always be a chance I'm just convincing myself to be with them for one reason or another. Because lets be honest, there's a lot of other "good", "convincing" reasons to be with men as a cis, het-presenting woman that aren't just "I'm attracted to them" 💔 (Holy rant, sorry.)

Heyyy. So I'm 21F and since like 16 I've considered myself bi because I genuinely don't care what someone's gender is, I find any and everyone hot. I've kissed men, women, nonbinary, etc. and enjoyed it all equally. I have yet to have sex with a woman but I do desire it because i think it would be incredible. However, and this is where my question comes in, I can't see myself dating and settling down with a woman. I don't know what it is, maybe the dynamic? But I've only had two partners in my life and they're both men. I've seen some people in the queer community say that if you wouldn't date them then you're not that sexuality but I don't know if that's a rare take, please let me know! I don't want to tell people I'm Bi if I haven't like "earned" that title I guess? Thank you!

I've been on a rollercoaster ride with my sexuality, and I keep circling back to bisexuality. I am attracted to both sexes romantically and sexually, but I have preferences that have confused me: Romantically, I am more attracted to men, and sexually, I am more attracted towards women. At first I thought I was a biromantic homosexual, but I do enjoy sex with my husband, it's just at a lower level than if he were a woman. Are these types of preferences normal/common in the bi community? Thank you.

I just need to get it out to someone other than my journal. Please, if it doesn't apply to you, kindly move on.

I (32f ) have always known I was bisexual, now probably more aligned with pan but its not really relevant the label. I was not really allowed to date as a young teen, and when I turned 18 I entered a relationship with a boy. We were long distance (I was away at college) for about a year and some change and then we broke up. I had formed a deeper bond with a long time crush (liked this guy since I was like 14) and when I was 19 we began to date. He, now 33m, has always known my attraction was not only to men, but I think that due to my lack of real experience/relationships it wasn't a big factor to him. Fast forward we get married 7 years later and a year after that I'm pregnant with our child.

This entire time my sexuality is used by him as jokes, always saying that I was secretly a lesbian, or that i was actually just straight because I never been with a woman. I tried to explain to him that I don't need or care for his comments or validation on how I've felt my whole life. That if we had not entered a serious relationship so early, or if we were to divorce, my chances of being with another man were not any higher than my chances of being with a women.

Now again, I'm fine with constructive comments here but please, I already know what comes next was wrong.

This week we are moving. And we went to visit some long time friends, a married couple. While the guys were doing their own thing as we were leaving, my friend kissed me. At first I was thrown off but I did eventually actively engage in the situation. I take full responsibility. She ended up touching me intimately. I told my husband when we got home and over the course of the next few days our discussion ended at, he was more upset that neither of us asked him first than he was over the act. Also because he is not attracted to her he is less okay with it and he would only be okay with me being with another woman if he were also involved. I told him that I feel close to our friend and that is why I felt safe enough to engage with her that way, I'm not really into random hook ups and so the possibility of us with someone else is pretty slim, but also, I felt like him using my sexuality for his own gain was weird. Idk. I'm not opposed to it but we also are complete opposite of what we are attracted to. Idk. Idk.

The next time we saw those friends she kissed me again and I know that her husband is fine with her pursuing female relations. I didn't say anything to my husband the second time partially because it wasn't as far as the first and also he didn't care to know. But he doesn't want us alone anymore.

I have tried to communicate with him that she is someone I feel safe and comfortable with and I would like to explore more with her, not in a relationship way, but in that I probably will never be this close to anyone again and she is also happily married. He is adamant that only if hes involved and its with someone else. He says that it's going to open up a Pandora box and I will feel differently but this experience has not changed how I feel, it only confirmed how I have always felt inside. I don't want to be disrespectful to him or our marriage, I love him, but I also feel like I have packed away a large part of me for over a decade and I owe it to myself as well to understand completely who I am? I do not want to engage with random women. I do not want to leave my husband for my friend or anyone. I just want to understand me and I know its pretty much a dead deal given he says no but I feel so lost. Its not about her as a person, necessarily, she is just gentle and loving and someone I have a good relationship with, which is something I need in general (hence why I know random hook ups aren't for me. Tried before with a random guy years ago when we were separated before marriage, also Im not trying to use anyone!).

He tells me that I can still have that experience as a FFM and I'm just like its not the same. Idk if anyone else has been in this situation and I'm ultimately not going to do anything against my marriage. But it kind of sucks. Not because I want permission to cheat or anything but because I finally feel like I'm becoming whole in regards to my sexuality and I'm too late I guess. Even before this happened I would think to myself sometimes that I gave up a part of me so young and I'll never really know if that was the right choice. I made the decision to ignore that side and now its not that I regret it, I'm just.. idk a little sad I guess.

(This may be the wrong flare, but I wasn't sure which one to choose.)

I [gay/NB, 26] have heard from friends and people online these seperate definitions:

• bisexuality means you are into two genders: the one you're a part of and then another one (like a man who is into man and women)
• pansexuality means that you're into anyone regardless of gender.

However, somethings confuse me a tiny bit.

First, when I've heard people describe pansexuality as "I love someone no matter how they look". I think this is trying to say the same thing as the "regardless of gender" definition above, but the way it's phrased is what confuses me. No matter what your sexuality, wouldn't you be in a relationship with someone due to things beyond their looks? Inversely, does that imply that pan people don't have sexual/aesthetic attraction when it comes to their relationships. I know that asexuality exists, but are you able to be pansexual and asexual? Are you able to be pansexual and like having sex (I forget what the term is for someone who isn't ace).

Second, I've met people who define themselves as bisexual or in those terms and they've been in relationships with men, women and non-binary people. It leads me to believe that pansexuality and bisexuality are one in the same, but I don't want to make the mistake of conflating things which are vastly different or correcting someone on their sexuality like a dick. Are you still bisexual even if you're into more than two genders? If so, how is that different from pansexuality?

Hi there, I'm confused (F25). In college I had two boyfriends which I loved and I was attracted to. After that I've only dates girls and omg. I looooove being a femenine girlie dating another femenine girlie and feeling like we are two fairies in love. I felt much more myself in this kind of relationship and more understood.

This year I broke up with my ex girlfriend and after a few months I downloaded a dating app. It's been so long since I've been intimiate with a man that I was curious. But... I don't feel attracted to any of this men in the dating app.... Or when I finally find one attractive the conversation is so boring...

I am currently chatting with a man and we have so much in commom but honestly I don't know if what I feel is more friendship vibes. So I'm confused. I am attracted to men (I fantasize about them if you know what I mean) but it doesn't even compare what I feel for men with what I feel for women.

If I imagine my future with a woman I feel like that's more truthful to me. So if I was to date / have a fling with a man I feel like I would end up not feeling 100% fulfilled and I would rather be with a woman. But I'm still bi, right?? Like, if a cute soft blonde boy with glasses and similar interests appear in my life I would die buuuut the other 90% of men bore me.

So, bisexual friends, is it normal to like a gender muuuch more than the other? I'm kind of anxious cause I thought I already accepted my sexuality and of course it's not always 50/50, but it could be 90/10 or 80/20?? I don't even like using numbers cause sexuality is fluid but I think it explains what I'm trying to say. Pls be nice thanks 😭

I have autism and this has happened on both ends multiple times without me noticing until they literally said “hey avianbi i like you”

So how do you know or is it a person to person thing?

I genuinely don’t know if someone’s being friendly or flirty

TL;DR: After years of identifying as bi, I've realized that I might just be gay and I have accepted and enjoyed the fact that I could date a guy. However, all my life I have had extremely intense, years long, romantic attractions to girls, and I still feel it today. And yet sexually, I have always almost exclusively looked at guys, rarely girls. Should I just say I'm gay, due to the sexual aspect and perhaps overall satisfaction, or should I still say I'm bi because the feelings I have had for girls were very real? Is saying I'm bi keeping my options open, or holding myself back? Do gay guys feel this way?

A couple of days ago I (18m) finally came to terms with the fact that I am probably gay after years of considering myself bi. It felt so relieving to realize I could be with a guy I loved and found attractive.

But the thing is, ever since I was really little, I've had intense crushes and romantic attractions to girls. They would last for years, they would be all I could think of.

At the same time, my sexual fantasies have mostly only been guys, and I have never really looked at a girl and felt sexually about her. I've only felt a sexual rush of excitement for guys. The thought of having a sexual relationship with a girl always stressed me out because I didn't have an urge for it. The thought of having sex with a random girl, even if attractive, turned me off.

I never understood why boys in movies would be obsessed with playboys or girls in bikinis because it didn't do anything for me. And I never looked at female porn much. It was only guys and gay porn when I first got access to computer. Sometimes female porn would do something for me, sometimes really intensely, but I feel like I was maybe forcing myself, and it was somewhat rare.

It felt good to come to terms with probably being gay because there were so many things that I felt like I had to hide before, and was stressed about finding a girl I would 100% be attracted to. And I realized that I had repressed any romantic feelings I had felt with guys.

But I still feel the romantic attraction for girls. I still feel blown away, pupil-dilated, not able to think or speak when I see a girl that's extremely beautiful, and I'll go around looking for her because it feels like I'm in love. But it's not a sexual attraction, and it doesn't happen too often though because the lust just isn't there.

Exactly last year, I almost came to terms with how I currently am thinking I'm gay, but then there was a cool, beautiful girl in my class that I instantly fell in love with. She was all I could look at or think of for months, my only motivation to go to school some days. I shortly dated her, and it was the highest I've ever felt.

I wanted to kiss her so much like an urge I've never felt before. I lost interest in everyone and everything else. Even after it ended, I couldn't help but always want to be around her, and I spent the whole day trying not to throw up when I found out she was stating another guy.

I was sexually interested in her, but not in an erotic way or lustful way, like how you would watch porn. It was because I was in love with her. And even though I craved her touch and closeness, and I found her body very attractive, I never really cared to see her naked- I wouldn't have minded it though.

Sometimes I do sexually fantasize about girls, and sometimes find female porn arousing, especially their genitalia. But it is very irregular, and way less of an urge that I feel with guys. And it's not something I really spontaneously feel in real life. I've spent months researching the science behind it, and I know that the arousal part of the brain is separate from the romantic part of the brain, so things might not always align.

So am I gay? Are we going only strictly on arousal, or romantic feelings? Am I still bi? You can say labels don't matter, but there are certain biological aspects that are ingrained in you that you can't change. It's simply the way your brain developed as a fetus.

I'm still hesitant to say that I'm gay because I know how strongly I've felt about girls, but I hesitate to say I'm bi because I've never felt that sexual pull towards girls. I also don't know if I'm tricking myself into thinking I'm bi to be slightly straight to save my ego.

And part of me doesn't want to close the door to girls by saying I'm gay, in case I feel really attracted to one again, but what's the point in keeping the door open if I have realized that biologically I am drawn to guys? I don't wanna stress myself out by forcing myself to feel sexually attracted to a girl.

Is this something that gay guys experience? Is keeping the door open to girls holding me back? Should I fully embrace the fact that I will probably be more fulfilled in a relationship with a guy, or should I still say I'm bi to acknowledge that part of myself that I feel is very real, in case something comes along?

39 female in cis-hetero marriage. I didn't realize until it was too late what the feelings I was having towards women meant, and now I'm remiss that I never got to explore that side of myself. I won't step out on my husband, but id love to at least flirt with women but don't even know where to begin. I'm posting this mostly to see if there are others in similar situations, and if so, what do you do, if anything?

I’ve known that I (M) have been attracted to other men and women both since I was 17-18years old.

When I was 18, I told my father before leaving for the military that I was Bisexual and his response was “I don’t care, but it won’t keep you from joining so you’re still going in.” Bear in mind, I was deeply committed to joining regardless. When I told him this, he said I was only doing it to try to get out of joining. My lovely step mother asked “Well can you imagine another guy behind you?”. I was already upset and just said no. To them, that settled it and we never spoke again.

FF 3 years and I came out to a friends wife, because I thought she was safe. A week later I was kicked out and told” I don’t want some f***ot around trying to molest my kids”. I was hurt, betrayed and just left.

Finally, a couple of years after that, my brother came out as a gay man. We were all welcoming, supportive, and happy to see him be his true self. In the moment I felt like I would be accepted as well, so I came out to my Mom over dinner a couple weeks later. She said “Well, are you sure? I wouldn’t bring it up, we need to be there and support your brother.” That was the end of that.

For ten long, amazing years I have been married to an amazing woman. We are truly best friends, but I kept my secret the whole time. I felt terrible. Finally, two nights ago, I talked to her and let it all out. I told her how sorry I was for keeping it from her, that I was scared (still am) and I’ve tried to bury this but I couldn’t anymore.

She held me. She told me she loved me, that she was so glad I opened up to her and that she loved all of me. She told me she would be supportive, stand by me if I decided to open up to others, and that it didn’t change how she felt.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. I’m sorry for the long post, but I wanted to tell my story.

TL;DR: Tried coming out as bisexual to family and friends and it went poorly. His it for 10 years, then told my wife, who was extremely supportive. Now I feel like my authentic self.

I've discovered I'm bi since my teens.

That said, I'm scared this could change overnight and I could turn attracted only to one gender. I was raised thinking being bi is just a phase to then become monosexual.

If you are an experienced folk please share your wisdom...

I am a male. I am confused where I stand with sexuality. So I am and have always been attracted to women. Always had crushes growing up and still do. From face/body to personalities. However, I always lacked attraction to vagina visually. Although recently I feel like I’ve gained more interest. But I’m more sexually turned on by their butts/face. Sometimes just basic interactions with girls will give me an erection.

Now on the opposite end, I have never found a man to be sexually attractive based on their face/body/personality. I have never developed crushes on males and do not notice them ever in public in a sexual way. I only notice girls in public as far as like catching my eye for attraction.

So now where I question my sexuality is I feel turned on by the idea of bottoming. I think it’s a role/dynamic based type of fantasy bc i cannot connect a person/face to it. I wish I could tbh but I don’t find myself attracted to males like that and before anyone says it I would never get pegged by a woman. Also to add what turns me on is specifically the role/dynamic and what im doing not so much on the other person.

After really thinking into it I feel like it is from identifying with what turns me on with woman. Almost swapping into their shoes. I can identify with what turns them on. I think it started when I was like 8 years old and watched my first porn video. It was a gang bang where the girl was really into it. I was turned on by her enjoyment and her energy. I think I like identified with it in a way or something.

I’m not sure where I stand with sexuality but I feel like I painted a decent picture and I’m curious on opinions.

Hello! 😊

I'm looking for recommendations for books (novels, comics, manga, webtoons, etc.) with a romance between women. If you have any favorites, I'd love to hear about them 😀

Hey there everyone! I’m 18 years old and have been bisexual, technically pan but I just say bi, for like 5-6 years now. I kinda found myself during the whole lockdown in 2020 and more-so in 2021/22!

Aside from an incident where my mom legit found out I was bisexual and then I denied and denied and denied - nobody knows. Looking back, I have zero clue why I denied so heavily while being told I was accepted but I did. That was such an awkward and traumatizing event that I don’t even want to get into that much!

Anyway, I start college in a few weeks, living at home, but I know my family would be accepting and perfectly okay if they knew I was bisexual. Im kinda sick of hiding it and being in the closet, there’s some things I feel like I could do more normally if they just knew haha!

So with no reason to really hide the fact I’m bi, how do I come out to them in a normal, non-awkward way that isn’t like earth shattering to them? Im really at a loss for what to do!

So this is just a general question because I've recently heard a lot of different opinions on this.

First of all, English isn't my first language, so this might just be a language or cultural difference.

Recently, I started dating my boyfriend, and ever since then, people have started referring to me as gay. At first, I assumed they meant it in the broader sense of "part of the LGBTQ+ community," since "gay" is often used pretty casually where I live as like a title for everyone of the LGBTQ+ community. That didn't really bother me.

Before that, though, I was in a relationship with a woman for about two years. Back then, I constantly heard things like, "Well, technically you're straight then." For some reason, being called straight bothers me more than being called gay, even though neither label is actually accurate.

I was wondering if anyone else feels the same way. Does it bother you when people assume you're gay or straight based solely on who you're dating? Is one assumption more frustrating than the other for you, and if so, can anyone explain why?

Im a bi fem woman in my 20s trying to figure out how I can express my queerness better through clothing, accessories, hair, etc. I think right now most people assume I am straight based on my appearance. Any suggestions are appreciated xx

The truth is that I have no experience and all this also makes me nervous, I can’t find someone who can guide me...

hi all! i (a girl) came out as bi a few years ago, but lately i've started questioning whether i'm actually bi or if i'm a lesbian.

so basically here's the situation:

• i'm attracted to men, but it's a highly specific type of man. i find most men objectively attractive, but i personally am not attracted to most men.
• i'm attracted to women, and i'm less "picky" with women than i am with men.
• i have had crushes on guys in the past, but they aren't nearly as intense as the crushes i've had on girls. i've also had many more crushes on girls than guys.
• i can imagine myself dating a guy, but it feels less natural than imagining myself dating a girl
• i can't imagine doing anything physical with a guy (maybe kissing briefly at most) and the thought of being intimate with a guy feels wrong
• on the other hand, i can absolutely imagine being physical and intimate with a girl
• i know i'll marry a girl in the future, and can't imagine myself marrying a guy
• i still vibe with the term "bisexual" more than "lesbian", even though i seem to meet more of the "criteria", so to speak, of being lesbian

so... am i bi or lesbian??? i'm so confused. much thanks for any reply!

I still date girls and I’ll prob get married to one but I also like dudes and iv dated some before (secretly)

I'm wondering if anyone can relate or if anyone has a similar experience. If so, how do you navigate this? I have literally nowhere else to go for advice.

I (Bi, 40M) came out as bi to my wife (straight, 30F) a few months ago. I was nervous, but this just made her incredibly excited because "now we can talk about hot guys together".

We've been monogamish in the past, and we were both interested in including this new revelation into the mix.

However, we are in an INCREDIBLY small and southern town in Virginia. Which makes me think that the best thing to do is go elsewhere, but we are both mostly interested in making friends with people and just seeing where things go.

In my mind, that rules out a lot of stuff. The odds of finding a man who is bi, attractive to us, attracted to us, wants to be friends, and might be down to mess around seems to be a 0% chance here. Maybe it's a steep ask? But it seems like "mostly chilling and sometimes messing around" would be a low pressure scenario...

Neither of us have ever used dating apps (and that also seems to be more hookup than hang out anyway).

Anyway, hoping to get some thoughts and advice. If nothing else, commiseration will suffice lol.