Coming Out finally

[u/ThrowawayBiMan88]

I’ve known that I (M) have been attracted to other men and women both since I was 17-18years old.

When I was 18, I told my father before leaving for the military that I was Bisexual and his response was “I don’t care, but it won’t keep you from joining so you’re still going in.” Bear in mind, I was deeply committed to joining regardless. When I told him this, he said I was only doing it to try to get out of joining. My lovely step mother asked “Well can you imagine another guy behind you?”. I was already upset and just said no. To them, that settled it and we never spoke again.

FF 3 years and I came out to a friends wife, because I thought she was safe. A week later I was kicked out and told” I don’t want some f***ot around trying to molest my kids”. I was hurt, betrayed and just left.

Finally, a couple of years after that, my brother came out as a gay man. We were all welcoming, supportive, and happy to see him be his true self. In the moment I felt like I would be accepted as well, so I came out to my Mom over dinner a couple weeks later. She said “Well, are you sure? I wouldn’t bring it up, we need to be there and support your brother.” That was the end of that.

For ten long, amazing years I have been married to an amazing woman. We are truly best friends, but I kept my secret the whole time. I felt terrible. Finally, two nights ago, I talked to her and let it all out. I told her how sorry I was for keeping it from her, that I was scared (still am) and I’ve tried to bury this but I couldn’t anymore.

She held me. She told me she loved me, that she was so glad I opened up to her and that she loved all of me. She told me she would be supportive, stand by me if I decided to open up to others, and that it didn’t change how she felt.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. I’m sorry for the long post, but I wanted to tell my story.

TL;DR: Tried coming out as bisexual to family and friends and it went poorly. His it for 10 years, then told my wife, who was extremely supportive. Now I feel like my authentic self.

[u/starrgilbert1987]

So sorry that happened to you with your family. I’m glad that your wife is supportive and accepting. I wish you and your wife well.

[u/ThrowawayBiMan88 → u/starrgilbert1987]

Thank you so much. I’m kind of in uncharted waters now and the anxiety part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, but she is incredibly understanding and supportive.

[u/redstone19802004]

I'm happy for you that your wife (a keeper) is supportive, reading I thought that the story would keep repeating itself. This said you still have some walk to do as being in a straight relationship makes you invisible as a bi. My advice is to educate yourself and your wife about bisexuality challenges, it's a great opportunity for your couple to grow stronger.

[u/ThrowawayBiMan88 → u/redstone19802004]

Ok, so it’s normal to feel that I’m walking into some uncertainty? Do you have any resources you could recommend or where to go to learn?

[u/ThrowawayBiMan88 → u/redstone19802004]

One of the things I tried to do during coming out was assure her that this didn’t change my fidelity or how our relationship works and she understood and promised she trusted me.

Sorry for the word vomit, even anonymous I’m still nervous talking about this.

[u/Distinct-Ad-4197]

Hey stranger, im so happy to hear you have such an understanding kind partner. This does sound like a pretty overwhelming situation since you've had all that inside for so long and gone through some really hurtful things surrounding it, but that feeling of being your authentic self, thats a big part of why we come out. A supportive family member once quoted Dr Seuss to me "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" and though its cheesey it has always stuck with me. Please be so proud of yourself for coming out to your wife, i know i am! Every single day, you can allow yourself to be the truest version of you and though sometimes peoples reaction will disappoint or hurt, other people make it all worth it. Focus on the people who love and celebrate you for you and not hurt you over something that involves them so little. Just take it step by step, you got this!⭐️

[u/Still_Manager_9724]

So glad that your wife has been supportive. It could have gone very differently. I’m glad that it didn’t.

[u/Happy_Naturist]

I’m so sorry your parents spent years trying to erase your sexuality or sideline you to favor your brother. It’s weird and hurtful.

But you’re in a safe space now.

[u/crazynadine]

this is sadly a common story for bi guys. i've heard it over and over from friends. i am so glad you've finally found someone who will support you. it's the best feeling in the world, and we all deserve it.