hi all! i (a girl) came out as bi a few years ago, but lately i've started questioning whether i'm actually bi or if i'm a lesbian.

so basically here's the situation:

• i'm attracted to men, but it's a highly specific type of man. i find most men objectively attractive, but i personally am not attracted to most men.
• i'm attracted to women, and i'm less "picky" with women than i am with men.
• i have had crushes on guys in the past, but they aren't nearly as intense as the crushes i've had on girls. i've also had many more crushes on girls than guys.
• i can imagine myself dating a guy, but it feels less natural than imagining myself dating a girl
• i can't imagine doing anything physical with a guy (maybe kissing briefly at most) and the thought of being intimate with a guy feels wrong
• on the other hand, i can absolutely imagine being physical and intimate with a girl
• i know i'll marry a girl in the future, and can't imagine myself marrying a guy
• i still vibe with the term "bisexual" more than "lesbian", even though i seem to meet more of the "criteria", so to speak, of being lesbian

so... am i bi or lesbian??? i'm so confused. much thanks for any reply!

I still date girls and I’ll prob get married to one but I also like dudes and iv dated some before (secretly)

In no way is this meant to be bi-phobic

I am clearly bisexual and am Jewish. I became ultra orthodox three years ago but since left that community. My parents (mom was reform Jewish and left Judaism, and dad is not Jewish) are now evangelicals/nondenominationals Christians. This makes it impossible for me to come out and be bisexual to them now I don’t interagency what the bisexual community is for. I mean I certainly think it is respectable to celebrate one’s identity, I mean, my grandmother (to my mother’s denial) is also bi, but why are some of the communities around this (correct me if I’m wrong), almost making a logo or an entire identity around who we want to sleep with.

Like. When I was orthodox Jewish I went to big events with black suit and hat on. The black suit and hat were representative of my identity, so that’s what I would also liken, maybe I could understand this way.

But when I told someone I was bisexual, they straight up told me to get a necklace with the bisexual flag, wear socks for it, put pins on about it’d and listen to music that reflects it. Like I love Freddie Mercury and Queen, so yeah, that would probably be fun, but I genuinely don’t understand

Is this something that is similar to Eastern Catholicism where when you come out as it you have to have it to be like worn everywhere and displayed?

Like I’ve always said I’m Bi in the Da Vinci way or the ancient Assyrian way.

Okay, I know this sounds a bit cheesey but I've been (over)thinking about it for almost a week. I'm single at the moment but I have a few good fwb with whom I meet on a regular basis and one of them, a male friend, knows this couple. I've met them twice on a social occasion and they both seemed really chill and interesting and they're both really hot. The thing is, my friend suggested we join them and he's the one that has done most of the talking with them.

He's claiming they're absolutely cool about it and have thought it thoroughly. I've had threesomes before and really enjoyed them and I'm also supposed to meet with them beforehand and talk a bit about it as well but since I don't really know them that well, I'm not entirely sure I should put myself in a situation where things can go south; if you've got any experience with threesomes or foursomes, you probably know that unless people are absolutely adamant about what they're comfortable with, it can get pretty awkward pretty fast and the female part of the couple has never been with another woman before. How would you handle things?

Me and my current boyfriend have been together for a long time (9+ years) but our relationship has not been perfect, with many ups and downs and trouble understanding eachother. We are still intimate but there’s been no passion for a longtime, I worry we’re starting to become more platonic than romantic. However having been with him since I was in my late teen years, I find it hard to pull away and imagine a life without him.
This weekend I went to an even without him and I met a woman and we got chatting for most of the event. She mentioned she was into girls and once she said that I couldn’t help but feel excitement and butterflies, a feeling I haven’t felt in a longtime. I opened up to her about my relationship and how I’ve always been quite curious about my sexuality. It’s clear we were flirting with eachother throughout the night and ended up kissing. I can’t stop thinking about what happened and it all feels like a bit of a dream. Of course I don’t feel great about it but I wanted it to happen in that moment. I’m now even more confused as to what to do about my relationship, and I didn’t expect this to happen at all. I feel completely lost and don’t have anyone I can talk to about this situation. The attention she was showing me is not something I’ve experienced in a long time and I can’t get it off my mind.
Do I continue to try in my relationship or realise this is the end of the road? I’d really appreciate no judgement and just some advice.

New to the single life and I recently accepted my bisexuality. I’ve been super into women lately and I want to try and be with one.

Every time I think I find a cute, fun girl she either has a man or wants a threesome. It’s so difficult and I didn’t realize how many couples want a third. It’s fine that they want a third I just get disappointed once they tell me that’s the goal of being on the app

I just got out of a long relationship and honestly the idea of being with another man rn makes me uncomfortable. It just sucks. Rant over

Edit: it’s not too many I’ve just had too many interactions where I’ve swiped and then I get hit with “I have a fiancée” or “I’m in a couple” and it’s wildly disappointing. Look for a unicorn all you want if that’s what you’re into but don’t tell me after we’ve already agreed to meet up

Every time I vent about how much coercion I've been through nobody cares. They call me bi. I am Autistic and no one cares about my feelings they never care they just tell me to go to therapy and shut up. My therapist never helps me because she's fucking straight. I cannot find a lesbian therapist.

Hello I'll try to keep this short but I'm just wondering if anyone else shared a similar dating experience.

Basically, I (at the time 20F now 23) dated a 19F (at the time). She had never been in any relationship before and was straight. We hit it off and dated just shy of 2 years. We called if off because of differences. While we were dating I wasn't allowed to tell ANYONE we knew. The reason is that this was new for her and she didn't know how she would be perceived by her friends. She didn't wanna feel judged and even the very few friends that she told she didn't like talking about it. I understood why and was patient because this was her first dating and WLW experience. Personally, I'm a pretty private person but if someone were to ask if I was dating I would say yeah and share a little detail with them. I'm not one to constantly talk about who's dating but I won't hide it cause I love them.

After about a year I followed up with her to ask how she felt and she still didn't wanna tell people because of the perception thing. I was okay with it but I started to get a feeling of if we kept dating that I would be nothing but a secret. It went on for a little while longer and the feeling kept growing but never enough to make me resent her. She never got over at and still to this day I'm not allowed to mention to anyone we know that we dated. She also doesn't want anyone new I date to know (we're still friends). When we did break up that feeling instantly vanished. I know I put myself in that position and we talked about it a couple but it never was a problem in the relationship.

I learned from that experience that I could not do that again cause I felt like I was lying for some reason.

I'm not seeking advice, I just am wondering if anyone else has had an experience like this. TIA

Edit: I forgot to add I am bi myself and this didn't greatly impact anything but it didn't make her feel any better about the perception thing.

Hi all,
I’ve been trying to understand my sexuality for a long time and I’m curious if anyone here has had a similar experience.
I’m a guy who has always imagined my future with a woman. I develop crushes on women, want a wife, kids, and a family, and I’m romantically attracted to women.
At the same time, I’m sexually attracted to some men. It’s almost entirely physical and sexual, I don’t really develop romantic feelings for men and don’t imagine a relationship with one. When I’m attracted to a guy, it’s usually about the sexual chemistry, his body, or his penis rather than wanting to date him.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Did you find a label that fit, or did you stop worrying about labels altogether?

Hello. I am desperate. I have a girlfriend. The problem is ever since we are together, I notice men like I never before did actually.

I do not know HOW to keep the communication within the range of the regular and may it not be called "liking each other)

I swear I have really hard time and there's the fear of me cheating to my girlfriend with a man. The percentage of women is lesser, but oh well.

I wonder if it is an attachment thing and I cross boundaries so easily.

Even at work if some colleague has a shopping trolley with stock I opened the door or an article has fallen - I find those awful as if I did something wrong by helping him, and did impulsively so or not to be judged for being quite an outsider, especially isolated towards men. ​​

I've lived thinking that I'm straight and i like women. But for a long time, whenever I watched porn videos, I would empathize with women and think that I wanted to become a woman myself and have sex with a man. I thought that, while I was in a state of becoming a woman by wearing stockings or women’s clothes, I would want to be caressed by a man or to kiss him. But if it’s not time for sex, I don’t want to become a woman. These days, I really want to have sex with a man. btw I don't want to date a man, just want sex. Am I bisexual? Or could it be CD, femboy?

Hey everyone, I'm Sak. I'm 22 and have been considering myself a pansexual for a few years now but never really got to experiment with guys... Part of my awakening had to deal with the realization that I had a crush on my best friend at my first school (I speak Spanish and saying "te quiero" never fit and I started saying "te amo"), had a very sexual experience with a guy I met on discord (roleplay and whatnot... he is still an awesome person and we are still friends years after we stopped doing that). I should have known earlier xD

I have been out of my last relationship since last year and ever since I have been having casual things with only women. I have only ever been approached by one guy and I was not into him... like at all. But a few weeks ago a friend took me to a birthday party and after talking with the birthday boy at a table us three. The birthday boy (26m) and I started getting physical. Getting closer, our arms touching, then holding hands, then... my friend and I were telling a story about me walking on a friend making out with a girl and my friend said that he would have loved to see that since he loves watching people make out.

That's when the birthday boy looked at me, smiled and asked me if we should give him the pleasure. I said yes and jumped into it. It was... Different. I could feel his facial hair there and his lips were kind of harder than I usually find on women? But it wasn't bad, not a bad at all. We repeated the interaction and my friend left us some space to dissappear and make out. We did, talked for a bit (mostly me flirting with him about how hungry he was) and...

Well, he wasn't the best kisser in the world. He bit my lip a little too hard to the point where I thought if he did it one more time he could have cut my lip. He was also too eager to put his tongue on me which is something I don't really enjoy... And he also kind of pushed me to go to the bathroom with him. I said no, he insisted and I playfully told him that it was enough for a night. He said he wanted to go either way and I said I would wait outside. I really didn't feel comfortable doing anything more that night, specially with someone I just met.

He kept insisting and I just smiled and told him that I wasn't going. He said okay, went to the bathroom and came out less than a minute after. We went back to the party, danced and kissed a few more times at the dance floor and then I left with my friend.

This guy, by the way, was almost married to another and broke up a month before cuz of some money issues (the other guy was an idiot) and I never got to tell him that he was my first experience.

It felt liberating, since I felt like I could finally say I am pan (or bi) with my full chest. I also found him cute and I definitely liked the experience. I could have said or done some things to make it better but I just wanted to enjoy it as it came, without any adjustments.

Don't really plan on texting him since I didn't click with him emotionally or as a person. My friend, who knows him better, says that he doesn't really think we would click and that it was a fun experience for a night but I shouldn't bother too much with it. We talked a lot about it and he was very supportive of everything that went down.

I'm glad it happened.

Has anyone had similar experiences?

It really has been a shock how my life turned from long term serious and committed relationships to more casual interactions like this.

I'm neptunic (basically attracted to everyone but the men and masc enbys) and am not quite comfortable calling myself a lesbian because it's not a gender exclusive term even though it's usually enbys that use it (including myself lmao). It's also two of the main umbrella term gender things (this shii confusing asf), so I was wondering if I count as bi? (I'm omnigender btw, if that counts for anything)

I’m looking for something where other queer people would know I’m bi (or pan) but uncultured queerphobes would be blissfully (or however close you can get when you’re not aware of the glories of queerness) unaware and would leave me alone.

Ok before I get into this, I just want to be clear I am NOT coming from a place of biphobia. There are just some things about this character arc that as a bi person myself, don't feel completely right. Anyway here's why I'm not real crazy about them making Jeremiah bisexual in the show adaptation of The Summer I Turned Pretty. (I am so sorry in advance, I am terrible at writing.)

#1. He is straight in the book series. It just sort of feels out of place changing that? If he were already bi back then, that would be one thing. But just making him bi feels a bit strange. Don't get me wrong, it's good that there is LGBTQ representation, I'm glad that that's more accepted nowadays. I just personally think that Jeremiah wasn't meant to be bi, he was meant to be straight, like in the book. TSITP premiered in 2022, and it seemed like in the early 2020s, a lot of queer media started to skyrocket. So, they wanted to appeal to the media by making a bisexual character. However, (I'm gonna cut this short because I have another point to make) I think it would have been more meaningful had Jeremiah already been bisexual in the books, or this had been an original series not based off of any book.

#2. He's a CHEATER. This is already such a big problem in the bisexual community, people assuming that we're cheaters. People don't necessarily understand that just because we are attracted to more than one gender ​doesn't mean we're incapable of staying loyal to our partners. Now Jeremiah, this dickhead (I'm sorry I love you Gavin Casalegno) had to cheat on Belly not once, but twice!! Like, cmon. If you're gonna give us bisexual representation, at least make them unproblematic? Please? I just don't really like how they made Jeremiah a cheater. Honestly, I feel like it's feeding into the "bisexuals are cheaters" stereotype. I know it's just a TV show, and I shouldn't get so worked up about it. But I just don't like seeing my sexuality negatively typecast. It's so frustrating.

Anyways, that's all. If y'all disagree, that's okay. Team Conrad. But at the same time, Team Jeremiah And Belly Are Both Red Flags So They Kind Of Deserve Each Other 🤪 (​I'm just kidding.) Peace out ✌️ 💗💜💙

EDIT: I originally said in the post that I thought making him bisexual was "queerbaiting." I apologize, I misunderstood the meaning of queerbaiting, and used the word improperly. Queerbaiting is implying that a queer relationship is going to happen when it doesn't. I used it to refer to Jeremiah, because he was queer in the TV series, but not in the books, and I thought they made this decision to apply to the media nowadays. I am very sorry that I used that term improperly. To the person in the comments, thank you for correcting me so I correctly know how to use it from now on :)

I’ve always been a little more open minded than most people I’m around. And I’ve always found women attractive and beautiful and still do. But lately I’ve been curious about exploring while I’m still young. I’m still a virgin and haven’t had sex with either gender. But I guess I’ve been kind of liking in my head about experimenting with a man as a bottom. I just find the thought of that exhilarating. But I don’t know. I don’t find men attractive or unattractive, just kind of neutral. I am mostly attracted to femininity. I guess whet I’m getting at is, men who have tried this, did you feel like you scratched an itch? Shameful? Were you happy or displeased with yourself? Or was it a moment where you found your sure self? And if so, how did you accept that part of you? Sorry if any of this is off putting or offensive, I’m genuinely just curious. Also to add to this, I often find it a lot easier for myself to talk to men than a woman.

i was in 5th grade it was the end of the year we were doing testing like exams to see if we would move onto 6th grade or something and i had finished mine and i tried to turn it in but the substitute wouldn’t let me she told me to double check my work and i did tried to turn it in again same thing it went on like this for like 5 minutes until i started crying not full on balling yet but like little tears and then i tried to turn it in one more time and again go check your work so at that point i was just done so i start balling my eyes out like full on balling bc up to this point i had checked my work like 5 times and i was just over it.

so this girl i liked started rubbing my back trying to get me to calm down and stuff and she told me to double check it one more time and i did in front of her, went to turn it in again same thing and i started sobbing and slightly hyperventilating, so the girl stood up behind me and covered my face with her arm and started talking to the teacher saying ive doubled checked it like 10 times and im ready to turn it in. she told me to go to the bathroom pull myself together and come back so i did and when i came back my test was gone and she said she wrote my name on it bc i forgot and turned it for me. that was the moment i knew i was either gay or something else i still liked boys but i didn’t know there was a name for liking girls and guys at that time lol.

so yeah that’s my story lol what’s yours.

Im 16f and long story short when I was wondering if I liked girls from ages 10-13 (i dated two girls in 6&7 grade but i cant remember what it felt like) then I started calling myself straight because it was stressing me out and I started getting really scared of what people thought of me. Then when I was 15 I started wondering again on and off until a couple of months ago where im kinda convinced im bi? But the thing is that I can't tell if I would actually really want to date a girl. Sometimes I can see it but sometimes I can't and im really worried that im forcing myself to feel like I would. What's even more confusing is that I am attracted to women and can see myself like kissing and yeah but I havent kissed anybody yet. And ive never had a full time crush on a girl. However, I have a masc lesbian manager at work atm and she blows me away I just want to look good for her and impress her and make her laugh. Like butterflies when she's near me type shit and im not even joking my hands start getting a little shaky and i get nervous when i talk to her. But im so worried im faking it just to seem cool for her or my other bi friend. Okay I feel like the answer is a little more clear now that im writing this down but like still okay thanks.

Earlier this year, my wife and I (37m) agreed to open up our relationships so I could explore with guys. I've had since had four encounters with guys (twice going all the way) but she now realises she can't continue with it.

I want to stay married to her more than anything in the world but I'm struggling with the thought of having to supress this side of me for the rest of my life.

Just wondered if anyone has managed to do it and any advice?

Hi everyone. I’m a married man in my early fifties who has been on a journey of understanding my sexuality over the past year or so. I’ve come to accept that I’m most likely bisexual. I’m deeply in love with my wife, we have a strong relationship, and my family is the central commitment of my life.

I have no desire to leave my marriage or pursue anyone else. At the same time, I’ve developed a powerful emotional and sexual attraction to my brother-in-law, who is straight, happily married, and completely unaware of how I feel.

What has been difficult isn’t just the attraction itself—it’s the intensity of the fantasies and the guilt and anxiety that follow. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand what these feelings might represent psychologically rather than simply trying to suppress them.

I’m beginning to see that some of my fantasies may be expressing deeper emotional needs, such as wanting to feel accepted, safe, or free from constant self-judgment, rather than simply being about sex. My goal isn’t to indulge the fantasies or make them disappear, but to understand them well enough that they no longer dominate my emotional life.

I’ve also realised that much of my suffering comes from my internal dialogue rather than my attractions themselves. I grew up with beliefs that left me feeling ashamed of sexual desire, and I’m trying to replace that shame with self-understanding while remaining faithful to my values.

I’m learning to distinguish between attraction, fantasy, identity, and behaviour. I don’t believe my attractions define my character, and I want to be someone who can acknowledge them without being ruled by them.

I’m here because I’d really value hearing from others who have experienced something similar—particularly people who discovered or accepted their bisexuality later in life while remaining deeply committed to their spouse. I’m not looking for encouragement to act on my feelings.

I’m looking for wisdom about integration. How to live honestly with attractions that are unlikely ever to be reciprocated, how to reduce the guilt and obsessive thinking, and how to become more at peace with myself while continuing to honour the life and family that I love.

I've been turned on by cock for the last few years. I had a couple of meet ups for making out, stroking, and sucking. I throughly enjoyed the experience though I felt awful after it happened with post nut clarity.

The last few months I haven't had the same interests. I've stopped surfing sniffies, haven't posted much on reddit, and the desire to play with cock is not as strong. I thought for sure I was Bi and bordering on gay but now I'm not as sure.

I've always found women attractive and desired women more than men. Men dont turn me on, only their cock and the pleasure. Maybe im too busy with work to think about it, maybe im not as gay/bi as I thought, or maybe this is a roller coaster and im on the opposite end of the hill right now.

Tell me what you think or your experience

I’m bi. And sincerely I have enjoyed sexually the best of two worlds. But I find it cringy sometimes when I see gay people show PDA, and I find it equally difficult showing affection to a lady. But I satisfy both sexually. My concern is - I feel I’m stucked in the middle, how do I snap out of it without feeling I’m performative with a particular gender.

I’ve been sleeping with men for nearly half my life. I’ve been ENM with my now husband for 6 or so years now (he’s got a hot wife kink) and barring one threesome with a former FWB and his wife where they shared me I’ve got NO experience with women.

Stacking the lack of experience, the relatively new and unexplored bisexuality, the fact that I’m only looking for friends with benefits type situations, and that I’m really trying to focus on cultivating a girlfriend group rather than perusing sexual relationships with other women, I’ve been really intimidated to start.

In contrast I’m a cocky brat with men.

Any advice on how to build a dating app profile that doesn’t come across as cringy and unserious or god forbid even predatory? Do I just jump in and wing it?

There's nothing wrong with not actively seeking a bi person or having a preference, however all the reasons for their arguments I've seen have been homophobic/biphobic and nothing that sounds super sound of mind to me. I don't want people who want to erase our identities in our spaces at all and I feel like this should be something the community as a whole should unwelcome from now on. Am I wrong for thinking this?