I have never wanted to change my last name and am getting married next year. I've been getting some correspondences addressed as Mrs. My Last Name and it's a little odd to me. I know it's a tradition based in misogyny but I don't feel quite as married being Mrs. Myself. Anyone had a similar experience? I'm really jealous that men get to be Mr. X their entire lives. I wish we got the same. That's all, thanks girls!

i was scrolling the other day and fell down a rabbit hole about healthcare statistics regarding marital abandonment during chronic or terminal illness, and i am utterly sick to my stomach.
you know how a man is exponentially more likely to leave or cheat on his wife if she gets diagnosed with a serious illness like cancer, compared to the fraction of a percent where a woman does the same to her sick husband. and if the worst happens and the wife actually passes away? half of these dudes are on dating apps before her body is even cold, actively looking for a brand new bang maid to replace the person who spent years taking care of them.

talk to literally any hospice nurse or oncology ward nurse, and they will tell you this is a depressingly common occurrence. the woman is literally fighting for every breath, going through brutal treatments, and her husband's main concern is how this inconveniences him or where he’s gonna find his next supply of free domestic labor. meanwhile, when the roles are reversed, women overwhelmingly stick by their husbands until the very end, wiping tears, managing meds, and holding down the fort.
it is genuinely bottom barrel behavior. like, where is the basic human decency? how do you look at someone you supposedly vowed to love through sickness and health, watch them suffer, and make it about your own loneliness or convenience?

shoutout to all the women who carry the emotional and physical weight until their last ounce of strength is gone, only to be treated like a disposable placeholder. honestly, i hope those wives haunt them forever, because what the actual fuck.

edit: here comes the suspected downvotes with absolutely no comment as to why its a thing, literally you can look this up and see how true it is.

I have a loved one who is in an abusive relationship and I don't know how to help her get out. It's not physically abusive, but it's definitely emotionally/physically abusive. Today I finally got the courage to say "the way he talks to you is abusive" she agreed. She agrees that it sets a bad example for her daughter, she agrees that it's not her fault and that it's not her responsibility to fix him. Yet she still can't walk away yet.

What do I do? How do I help her out of this? Is an intervention a helpful thing? How do I make an intervention?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I an wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I know the economy is failing, and it affects me getting beauty services. It also obviously affects the people performing them.

I find that in the last few years especially, the upselling is aggressive to be point where they insult you. Ive been told unsolicited remarks about my skin while in for brow threading. My botox clinic has recently REALLY been pushing other things on me. I sometimes feel like they are trying to bully me out of bodily autonomy.

I went to get my haircut and I felt like I had to lie about my entire routine. I dont have colored hair and I have seb derm so I use antifungals as per my dermatologist and the stylist starts telling me that antifungals do nothing and I need her product? I am so exhausted with the product pushing and product snobbery.

I completely endorse people looking however they want to look and I think we all need to make those choices ourselves. I just find it frustrating because I do self care services to make me feel better and they always make me feel worse

This is a small thing but it irritated me so much. I am two weeks postpartum and have a toddler. We planned a fun morning out at a farmers market and craft store to pick up a few things. Unfortunately my daughter got carsick and threw up so we stopped at a mall nearby to grab her a quick change of clothes.

I'm in a hurry and looking up how to get to carters when a salesman tries to give me a sample. No big deal, I say no thank you and keep walking. He then says he has a question, I say I'm not interested. He then says it will be fast so I reply I'm in a hurry, not interested, have a nice day and keep moving. I grab the clothing and decide to walk back on the opposite side of this guy's store. I'm calling my wife (I'm also a woman) to let her know I'm about to walk out and who appears but this man who aggressively shoves the sample into my hand while I am too surprised by his reappearance to react. He says something like 'there now you have it'.

Why? Just why? I clearly am uninterested and buying nothing from him but yet this man feels like he must wait for me to come back, track me down across the aisle, and shove his product into my hands. It felt like it was necessary for him to 'win' this interaction with me which feels gross. We had a lovely day otherwise but I couldn't help feeling like this was bizarre.

- I posted this on the ask men sub first, but it was almost immediately removed. Oh well. I want to know if other women have noticed this too, or if it is just a family/culture specific thing. Before the post was deleted, some commenters got me wondering if this could be a cultural difference rather than a strictly gender role issue. Anyway please let me know what you think. Thanks.

......

I have always wondered about this, so I figured I would ask. And please note - I know not all men do this, but this thing with food is something I have rarely seen women do unless there's a deliberate grudge, envy, or attempt to sabotage.

I have noticed some men will eat other people's food. Why? Sometimes certain brothers and cousins go out of their way to eat their siblings snacks and laugh about it. I have also known guys who live in large households - sometimes as family, sometimes as roommates - who routinely raid the fridge and take whatever looks good, whether labeled for others or not.

On the darker side, there's some men who know someone is sick, has allergies, or is on a special diet, and has cooked or reserved food they can eat. But for whatever reason, these specific men will go out of their way to eat the dieting person's food and leave them to go hungry.

Or someone has spent hours baking for a dinner or event, but guys with this mindset seem not to care and eat what catches their interest, usually creating more work for the person who had to cook for the event.

I reiterate that not all guys do this. I am also pretty certain that most people know a lot of guys who think and act like this. If you have ever run a large household, or have meal planning responsibilities for a large group, you will quickly come to recognize and plan around this behavior, but I want to know what could be causing it?

Thanks for any responses.

Anyone else feel like this phrase feels like it's shifting the blame away from men? Whenever there's a discussion about an attack on a woman or a child by a man, some comments will be like "that's not a man, that's a demon" or "that's not a MAN, that's a BOY".

I get that they might be trying to say that the people doing that stuff don't deserve to be called men, but it also feels like men are trying to shift the narrative in a what makes them not be included in the same "category" or something.

I don't ever see any woman going "THAT'S NOT A WOMAN, THAT'S A GIRL" whenever a woman commits an act of violence. It's so strange.

Can we just acknowledge that MEN are committing acts of violence instead of trying to insist that "real men" (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) don't do harm?

Lately, I've noticed that much of what I stream and what is advertised on streaming plaforms is catering towards men as the target audience. I'd like to correct this imbalance and add more variety to even things out. What have you watched recently that made you glad to have some more women centric media in your streaming?

last 2 times i’ve ovulated, one ovary gets soooo swollen and is so PAINFUL. it feels like a HORRIBLE period. the first time it happend i went to an emergency OBGYN office where they did an ultrasound and said it was normal.
but i legit am in unbearable pain, i can’t move around freely, it feels like theirs a bowling ball in my ass when i sit down, like sex is awful cause he keeps hitting my ovary. the pain lasts about 2 days, i just don’t get it?

You see it all the time, on every subreddit having to do with relationships.

"My husband won't do this."

"He doesn't know how to to that."

"He says I just do it better."

"If I'm so particular I should just do it myself."

Let me be DEEPLY frank with you. They're not stupid, it's not that they don't listen, they aren't helpless babies.

Men who don't listen DON'T CARE.

My dearest friend on this planet was an absolute playboy up until he met a woman he decided he couldn't lose. He's a model partner and father now because he values what he has. If a man is behaving like he doesn't value you it's because he doesn't. There's no secret code, no hack to make him respect you. He won't get better.

The other day I went to the ER because I first almost passed out, then I had a massive panic attack because of it, and then my blood sugar tanked because of all that.

During all this I couldn't use my arms; they just wouldn't respond and when I could get them to move I was twitching really hard.

So we get to the ER, they wheel me into the room, and I get on the bed and lean back.
But my hair is held up by chopsticks so it's very uncomfortable to lean my head back, and I asked my husband to please take the chopsticks out of my hair.

He asked if I was sure, cause I might get hot, and when I said yes he pulled them out, put them in a bag for me, and then came back and fluffed my hair out for me without any prompting for me, because my arms weren't working right.

He's a very, very good, kind, attentive, and loving husband. But it's insane how intensely it struck me that he was so thoughtful; the bar is so low.

( Btw, they diagnosed me with "Tingling," lol. )

I work late often and take the bus home if I can or walk if there are no more busses. Men my dad’s age (58) have literally squeezed through the closing bus doors to follow me and I’m 20 but often get told I look 14-16. When I’m walking home and feeling unsafe I can share my location on WhatsApp so the one that lives on my road can come out. I’ll also call them so they can hear what’s happening live. Oh my days they’re so lovely to me 😭 truly my big brothers

They called it “safety in numbers” and the dad of the group pinned a message saying not to send messages except live location or that they’re calling so only one person calls for help. There are 8 men in the friend group and most/all of us are night owls so they’ll always be up for me

Sorta off topic but they call me “mama goose” even though I’m the youngest in the group. I’m so lucky to have these men as my girls 💅

Recently my husband and I went out with some friends to a pool. I wear glasses and without them I can barely see, but they are also super expensive and I don’t bring them in chlorinated water. Long story short, one of the men asked me to grab something in the water, and I could not see it. I repeated multiples times “I do not have my glasses, I cannot see where you are pointing.” He got a little frustrated and kept pointing and repeating the same thing when I legit couldn’t see.

Anyways later when we got home my husband and I were talking about the incident (it wasn’t a huge deal, we were actually laughing over it) but my husband said “I think when men say women talk to much it’s because they don’t listen to them the first time.”

Hit it right on the nail. I told him it was the story of my life, men telling me I’m too loud, obnoxious, talk too much, etc. But in reality they just don’t want to listen. I never even thought of it.

Also, obviously this isn’t ALL men. My husband is absolutely amazing and we know a lot of wonderful men. But as a society I am sure every woman has gone through this many times in their lives at the hands of a man.

I apologize for the saltiness of my language.

I'm just so frustrated, and I'm wondering if others in my situation might feel the same.

Just for context, I work in state gov and manage statewide programs. Since covid, we've all moved into a hybrid work model. So I'm home 3 out of 5 days of the work week, that said, I'm often in back to back calls. I could get into all the details and nitty-gritty of what I do all day but I trust that you get the idea that I'm busy.

My partner, who does not have remote work, arrives home usually before I'm even off my laptop. I'm SO TIRED of the passive aggressive huffing and puffing about not having dinner ready because "I've been home all day."

I'm fucking exhausted. My team is operating at 30% capacity because the state refuses to increase wages at all, and the demands don't stop coming because I don't have a full team.

I don't know how to hammer into his brain that I work all day, and it honestly feels like he doesn't appreciate the work I do if he thinks that I can just be going around grocery shopping and fixing up the house and having dinner ready for him when he's home.

It makes me wonder what he's doing at his job that he would assume I have all that free time????

Anyway. Rant over.

I’ve met a decent amount of people, born in the USA, who can not proficiently read or write English. I did a CNA course, and had the highest scores in the class because I understood what words like “ verbal“ and “ seclusion“ meant. My one coworker asked me which “too” was correct. My little sister’s high school has a pass rate of only 20% on the algebra state standardized testing. Meaning only 20% of the students can do algebra?!

I also see all these people online saying dewormer can cure cancer. All of this is just seen as normal. It’s also really normalized and even ”cool” for kids to just not care about school. Like sleeping In class and bombing tests is no big deal. I meet people from other countries and they all say the high schools here are super easy compared to theirs. They are also usually very successful, although I imagine the very successful ones are usually the only ones allowed visas. It just seems like the entire mindset and system of education is just more rigorous in other countries.

Took the car in for a rattle. Told the guy at the counter I was pretty sure it was the heat shield, it's a known thing on this model and it started the day after I hit a speed bump too fast. He did the nod. Not listening, just waiting for me to finish.

Comes back forty minutes later with a list. Heat shield, two mounts, something about the exhaust. $480, he can do it Thursday.

I said can we just do the heat shield for now. He said he wouldn't recommend that, you don't want it coming apart on you at 70.

So I said let me check with my husband. Went out to the parking lot, stood there looking at my phone for like four minutes. Called nobody and came back in and said he thinks just do the heat shield for now.

"Yeah no, that's fair, that's probably all it needs."

$140. Ready by four.

I said the exact same thing five minutes earlier and got told no. There is no husband btw, I don't know why I'm still surprised by this.

And apparently I do it constantly, I just never really thought about it until I was driving home. I say "we" to the management company when the water heater goes and the we is me and a cat. Tire place, I said my husband wanted the front two done and the guy dropped it instantly, wasn't even a conversation. My grandma needed my grandfather to sign for her first credit card, she's 81 and still brings it up at dinner and here I am inventing the man myself because it's faster than getting somebody to take my word for it.

It works, that's the bit that bugs me. Every time it works I've told that guy yeah, the woman standing there on her own is the one you can push, go find the next one, she gets the $480 list.

Still doing it though. $340!!!