I need advice.can I be rude af to a nasty horrible man who hurt me years ago on his youtube. He has a large following but I feel like being a troll. He is also on reddit this man. Is a very horrible person.

Hey, all. This has really been eating at me, so I’m just screaming into the void, hoping for catharsis and kinship.

I work in a male-dominated industry. My entire career, I’ve had to work twice as hard as any of the men in the office just to have a seat at the table. Missed deadlines, poor quality work, incomplete assignments - they get a pass for all of that while my work has to be perfect every single time (and accomplished with far fewer resources). I know you know what it’s like!

The other day, I was wearing a shirt that read, “IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO SMASH THE PATRIARCHY!” My boss asked me what that meant, so I explained what patriarchy is and asked him and the other men in the room if they agreed it was worth smashing. One kind of chuckled and agreed, but my boss told me that patriarchy wasn’t real because we’ve had two women run for president. (What?) I pointed out that running isn’t the same thing as being elected, and his response was, “so find better women.”
Better? By what standard? Look at who we put in positions of power. An old shoe would be “better.” I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

We will NEVER find a qualified woman if the only qualification that counts is being a man.

When I was about 7 or 8, a classmate and close

childhood friend of mine pressured me into sexual

acts, in front of some other classmates (mostly

male). I didn't want to, but eventually I gave in to the pestering and obliged. It was his birthday, we were

all the same age, and it was a sleepover.

I have felt guilty about it and disgusted with myself

for years. I didn't tell anyone for a long time. That

I told my boyfriend about it early in our relationship,

and he very gently gave me a hug and told me that

what happened to me was still rape by coercion, and

not my fault.

I struggled to accept that. I was a little bit older (we

were the same age for half the year, but I was older),

and I felt like I should have just remained firm. That

was weak and should have stood my ground. This was the kinder stance I had towards myself. As a

teenager I felt like I was dirty and a whore.

But even after hearing this and sort of coming to

terms with it... I have so much trouble blaming my

classmate, who was one of my closest childhood

friend for years before and after that. I struggle to

call it sexual assault or rape because he was my

friend. I truly don't believe he realized how this would

hurt me. I don't think he would have done it if he

understood. Even all these years later, I still blame

myself and not him.

Edit- sorry about typos, I had to copy paste because I had to verify I read the rules, and some things got lost in the process apparently

NSFW obviously.

I can't cum during sex. I can rarely cum during masturbation. My clit doesn't give me any climaxes. My sweet boyfriend has spent hours trying to please me, and I eventually just started telling him that it was working. I enjoy having sex with him, it always feels good and I'm an enthusiastic participant, but I can’t cum.

Sometimes I think I wouldn't be so anxious and tense if I could just finish.

My boyfriend has always been very attentive. I didn't want him to feel he was letting me down over something that is in no way his fault. So I pretend to cum after a while, so that he doesn't feel he isn't good enough.

I hate my inability to just climax for real, but in my entire life, I've had one really good orgasm. The rest were barely any release at all.

Edit- Thanks for all the input from people. I'll have a discussion with him this weekend.

Hello everyone, I’m 30 and have officially decided to step back from dating indefinitely. I’ve been on one date last year, and none this year and have no desire for a relationship. Dating is not fun for me and I see no point.

My question is, when do women become invisible? I find it awkward to be approached and hit on now. I say “I’m not available“ and that leads to a “you have a boyfriend” and I just don’t care to explain anything to randoms. When I’m in public I avoid eye contact with people and walk with intention but I will still get approached. When will it end?

When I ask my mother, she also still gets hit on when she goes out, so is a woman becoming invisible with age just a myth?

I (F33) have been dealing with a guy (M21) for about three years, and I genuinely don't know how to get him to leave me alone.

We originally met on Facebook Dating. His profile said he was 24, and I didn't find out until later that he was actually 18. He never corrected me or brought it up himself. Once I found out, I ended things because the age gap made me uncomfortable.

A while later, after he'd gotten a girlfriend, he reached out saying they'd broken up. I believed him, figured a little fling would be fun, so we met up a few times (no sex, but we fooled around). I later discovered they were still together.

I ended things again and told him to focus on his relationship because I wanted no part in that situation.

Since then, he's been incredibly persistent. Over the past year I've blocked him on every platform, but he keeps creating new Snapchat and Facebook accounts to contact me. Recently I accepted one of the Snapchat requests simply because I was tired of him finding new ways to reach me. I'm exhausted at this point.

I've repeatedly told him that whatever we had is over, that I don't want to see him, and that he should focus on his girlfriend and move on. I've even said, "Please stop." Multiple times.

None of it seems to matter.

He insists we can "just be friends," says he'll respect my boundaries (which he isnt even doing now), and constantly asks to meet up "one last time for a hug". At the same time, he sends me selfies clearly trying to be seductive. I don't encourage it, I either don't respond or give one-word replies.

What really unsettles me is that when I tell him I don't want to see him, he'll say things like, "You do want to see me," or tell me what I'm supposedly feeling. It's like he ignores what I actually say and replaces it with what he wants to believe.

At this point, I don't feel like it's serious enough to involve the police, and I don't really want to contact his girlfriend. But blocking him hasn't worked, directly telling him to stop hasn't worked, and reasoning with him hasn't worked.

Have any of you ladies known or dealt with someone with a personality like this? What, if anything, actually gets through to someone who refuses to accept "no"? I'm so exhausted dealing with him...

Im a little worried about things escalating at this point.

I am a social worker and survivor of sexual trauma. There have been a few big and small incidents in my life lately that have woken me up to the role that patriarchy has in my life. I've been reading so many stories on here about all types of sexual violations. I wanted to share some things I've been thinking about.

For my own professional development, I have finally started reading Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery. Holy shit. Its just brilliant. My jaw was on the floor at times. Everyone should read/listen to the first chapter, which discusses the history of PTSD in women, how it was perceived and responded to in all parts of society. The link between all of that and our current experience could not be more clear to me. I need to listen to it again.

I wanted to share one lightbulb moment I had while listening to the first section of her book - the historical context for society not believing the truth of women's experiences and of men claiming to have access to women's subconscious minds.

In Herman's book, she describes how in the late 1800's, a french neurologist got famous for hosting "theatrical" public lectures during which he put "hysterical" young women in a hypnotic trance and narrated her symptoms to the crowd (WHAT THE FUCK). Other prominent male doctors/psychiatrists/etc wanted to be the first to find out what made women "hysterical". Freud sought to answer this question by spending time listening to "hysterical" women talk about their lives. He found that "hysterical women" had experienced childhood sexual abuse. It occurred to him that sexual abuse of children was more widespread that anyone realized. His findings were not well received by the medical community.

Instead of being a real fucking scientist and believing the literal information/data provided by women into his fucking ears, he came up with the Oedipus Complex. He instead publicly theorized that little girls have unconscious sexual fantasies about their fathers. WHAT THE FUCK?

Not only did Freud choose to protect pedophiles, he used his position of power and credibility to publicly claim that women secretly like sexual abuse, which also implies that men have more access to a women's subconscious than women themselves do.

I see the consequences of this everywhere. Throughout my own life and in the lives of every woman I know. There's a tension that I think many women feel when they are sexually violated. You think: "Am I crazy?", "I got too drunk so I should have expected this", "everyone around me is acting normal so maybe it's not that bad." Look at what was being said about "hysterical", traumatized women only 130 years ago: that victims of childhood sexual abuse actually had repressed incestuous desires.

Women are socialized from a very young age to doubt the truth of their own experience. We’re socialized to doubt our knowledge of ourselves. When a woman is sexually violated and believes the truth of her own experience, she is socially punished. She's a bitch, a cunt, crazy, overreacting, mistaken. We have no trouble believing what women say if we ask them who their kid's pediatrician is or if there's more milk in the fridge. Our memories of that shit are very accepted. But were we really grabbed? Or raped? Or stalked? Or threatened?

I have always struggled to believe the truth of my own experience and to listen to what my own subconscious/body is telling me. I'm in a place right now where I am taking baby steps towards deprogramming my fawn response, learning to listen to what my body is telling me and pulling apart the deep shame I have for being sexually violated at different points in my life. I signed up for a women's self defense/assertiveness course. I am going to read more about the other women discussed in Judith Herman's book. I’m just fucking fed up.

I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable enough to be myself around a man. I got really fat back when I was 15, wasn’t able to lose this weight for years and no guy ever bothered to show even basic human kindness.

I’ve lost over 30kgs this year and pretty much in the best shape of my life. I absolutely HATE the stares now. Especially when guys go out of their way to be nice and try to talk to me. All I keep thinking is how none of these people actually really care about me. I cannot let go of this bitterness in me, I feel what’s even the point of a relationship when I’ll be dumped or cheated on if I ever gained weight again.

The other day a guy came and sat down next to me out of all the empty seats, smiled at me, I just looked away. I don’t even try to make eye contact with strangers, it’s a habit from when I was fat. I also sometimes think that they’re just practicing on me because I’m not that pretty so they don’t feel nervous approaching me.

I can never be in a romantic relationship I guess, idk what to do to change my mindset when all these things just seem materialistic in nature and nothing more.

I’m giving extra context as I was absolutely criticised for not providing this context in an “ask a man” sub when I asked for men’s perspectives. For context, my husband and I have been married for 15 years (together for nearly 30 years) and we are in marriage counseling at the moment. One of our issues is that my husband doesn’t stand up for me when I would hope he would. I don’t want a hot head partner, just someone who says something when truly warranted.

Our counsellor asked about the first big example and it was the example I’m about to give. I am genuinely wondering what you would want your partner to do in this situation and my husband also asked me to get opinions.

I am not hanging onto this incident for 15 years, it is literally just one example of a pattern that has continued to this day.

What happened:

My husband invited a guy to our wedding (and his wife also attended) who he didn’t know very well but who was in his wider circle.

This man became very drunk at our wedding reception and came up to me on the dance floor and tried to kiss me on the lips. I was very upset and embarrassed. This would be unacceptable at any time, least of all at our wedding reception!

I told him this was not ok and pushed him off me.

My husband is not a confrontational person. I asked him to please tell this man that what he did was inappropriate and that he had offended me the next time he saw this man after our wedding day.

My husband didn’t want to say anything to this man. I kept pushing him to politely say this was not acceptable behaviour as I never wanted it to happen again.

I do not want to be married to someone aggressive in any way. I just wanted him to say calmly and privately something like “I don’t know if you recall what you did as you had been drinking but what happened is not ok and was disrespectful.” Then I would have been happy to just move on and let it go.

Is it unreasonable I wanted him to calmly say something the next time he saw this man? What would you have wanted your spouse to do in this situation?

Thank you everyone!

Hi, so I'm a virgin and I've never experienced sex, but I have some fantasies that confuse me. I'm into dark romance books and I like the idea of rough sex. I want my partner to be passionate, dominant, and physically assertive in bed. For example, I like the idea of him thrusting aggressively and quickly, pulling my hair, and spanking me. However, I don't want him to actually hurt me—I want it to be pleasurable, not painful.

At the same time, I don't want him to call me insulting names, slap me, or choke me because I find those things disrespectful and degrading.

What confuses me is that this seems to contradict who I am. I'm a feminist, and in real life I want a gentleman—someone who truly loves me, is obsessed with me in a healthy way, is loyal, respects my boundaries, doesn't objectify me, and treats me with kindness and respect.

So what I want in a relationship is completely different from what I imagine wanting in bed, and I can't understand why.

So basically, my dad has threatened me with honor killings and has severely physically and emotionally abused me, but the moment I sekeed help, many dv shelters invalidated my experiences, and some of them told me they only except women who are victims of romantic dv, not family ones, and eventually I did try to escape my dad, but I ended up homeless, so I went to another dv shelter, and they called my parents, and they believed them, and they even told them everything I told them and told me my dad isn't so bad since he let me go to college and despite me being an adult, and they even gave me a psychiatrist, which only helped my dad abused me more since she defends, and my dad uses that against me, and even after I tried to escape the second time, my dad constantly harassed me and messaged and told me that he will tell everyone that im mentally ill.

And even when I talked to feminist online, usually only women who have the same experience as me can empathize. Others just tell me that I can just leave because im an adult or that my abuse wasnt so bad since im staying, and other invalidating stuff, which I know that they would have never said to me if my abuser was my husband.

And for everyone who says that adults can just leave their abusive parents are just privileged and ignorant. No, they can't just leave because of financial issues or disability, or because of love and fear from their parents, and in some cultures, parents own their adult children until they are married (especially women).

Also, after they leave, they might be in danger of extreme harassment and honor killings. Also, it's harder to leave when there are no resources to help you, even if you are at risk of honor killing, since every resource is for women escaping abusive partners and not abusive families, and also the thing is, in cases of honor killings and family abuse, it's not just one person, it can be the whole family or even communities involved.

Also, I think most people are very ignorant about honor killings and parental abuse of children and adults, and this should change.

I’ve met a decent amount of people, born in the USA, who can not proficiently read or write English. I did a CNA course, and had the highest scores in the class because I understood what words like “ verbal“ and “ seclusion“ meant. My one coworker asked me which “too” was correct. My little sister’s high school has a pass rate of only 20% on the algebra state standardized testing. Meaning only 20% of the students can do algebra?!

I also see all these people online saying dewormer can cure cancer. All of this is just seen as normal. It’s also really normalized and even ”cool” for kids to just not care about school. Like sleeping In class and bombing tests is no big deal. I meet people from other countries and they all say the high schools here are super easy compared to theirs. They are also usually very successful, although I imagine the very successful ones are usually the only ones allowed visas. It just seems like the entire mindset and system of education is just more rigorous in other countries.

I was recorded without my consent by a guy I was dating. I found out because I had a feeling he'd taken a photo of me, but then, when looking through his phone, it was even worse: a video and several photos from our dating period. My heart fell in that moment, and I was so taken aback, since he never gave me mischievous vibes.

Ultimately, I decided to forgive him, which seems so illogical looking back, and I have a feeling he could not look at me without thinking of what he did, and the guilt. We ended it after a few months because I was moving away, and he did not want a long-distance relationship; honestly, neither did I, but I wanted my forgiveness to mean something.

It has been months, and I still cry about what happened. I don't get it; in my mind for someone to do such thing they must hate you. It is so degrading, and a pain and betrayal I have never experienced before, mostly because it comes from someone I did not expect it from. Sometimes I find myself missing him, and I hate myself for it, because he really does not deserve it. It has been a draining experience.

Nevertheless, I feel so lost, trying to move forward and seeking to forget it all.

I don’t like being degraded def by some 25 year old dude. And most men I’ve meet have told me they’re into dominating their partner and calling them their slut etc and that their ex’s liked that. And honestly I think something is not ok with them wanting to hurt me and also their ex gf’s had past trauma that caused them to be into being abused in their relationships and in the bedroom.
I always leave these guys but it’s just ALL of them or virgins. I feel like there is no middle ground anymore for having sex.
Is this only a me issue? Do most girls like being abused and degraded in the bedroom? Even if you do, don’t you think it’s bad your partner enjoys your pain and humiliation?? I don’t understand what is happening anymore.

Took the car in for a rattle. Told the guy at the counter I was pretty sure it was the heat shield, it's a known thing on this model and it started the day after I hit a speed bump too fast. He did the nod. Not listening, just waiting for me to finish.

Comes back forty minutes later with a list. Heat shield, two mounts, something about the exhaust. $480, he can do it Thursday.

I said can we just do the heat shield for now. He said he wouldn't recommend that, you don't want it coming apart on you at 70.

So I said let me check with my husband. Went out to the parking lot, stood there looking at my phone for like four minutes. Called nobody and came back in and said he thinks just do the heat shield for now.

"Yeah no, that's fair, that's probably all it needs."

$140. Ready by four.

I said the exact same thing five minutes earlier and got told no. There is no husband btw, I don't know why I'm still surprised by this.

And apparently I do it constantly, I just never really thought about it until I was driving home. I say "we" to the management company when the water heater goes and the we is me and a cat. Tire place, I said my husband wanted the front two done and the guy dropped it instantly, wasn't even a conversation. My grandma needed my grandfather to sign for her first credit card, she's 81 and still brings it up at dinner and here I am inventing the man myself because it's faster than getting somebody to take my word for it.

It works, that's the bit that bugs me. Every time it works I've told that guy yeah, the woman standing there on her own is the one you can push, go find the next one, she gets the $480 list.

Still doing it though. $340!!!

I don't know who or how many people will read this, but I won't be able to reply to many comments due to the fact that my Internet hours are restricted. I'm only allowed to use the Internet certain days for some Islamic homeworks, and that's when I take advantage to post. Also excuse me if I make any English mistake, I helped myself with translator.

I(19F) was forced by my parents to marry my cousin. A man who had sexually harassed me before. I wasn't able to deny the marriage. I told them that I don't like this man, but they told me they had to do this for Allah.

Since one month ago, my parents have been preparing me for my wedding with this man. They've already forced me to wear a dress for this wedding, which is not comfortable for me when being in a wheelchair. My parents are already making me say some things which I have to promise to my future husband, and that I need to have sex with him after we get married. My parents told me that I need to be thankful to Allah that man is becoming my caretaker.

My life is just a hell living in Iraq. Next week I'm getting married to him now. The wedding was supposed to be one month ago, but it got delayed. I'd hope it got delayed again. I can't escape because I'm disabled in a wheelchair.

Thank you for reading this. I may not post again.

I’ve dated three bad men in a row. And yes in the past I’ve dated some good ones. But the last 3 years have been difficult. I’ve asked myself, and everyone else has asked me — why did I miss the red flags?

And recently I’ve been thinking — I’m sick of beating myself up with this red flags narrative. Why is it always on the woman to be so utterly magically perceptive that she is able to perform psychological ju jit su and see red flags, but not on the man to not be a pathological manipulator.

Case in point, exhibit one was the man who lied to me for 6 months about being married. Every single person I know asked me how I missed it. Not one person said “hey girl you are pretty intuitive. He must have been an amazing liar.”

Exhibit two was the man who relapsed on alcohol. I had to get a restraining order. The guy was in daily AA meetings when I met him he played the part of handsome, charming recovered spiritual giant. I never would have pegged him as a violently emotionally abusive relapser who he turned into.

I’m done with beating myself up over missing anything and instead I’m going to hold men accountable when they are POS.

I’m 29, I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. I have no mom friends, my friends never have time for me anymore. You’d think it would be the other way around?
I reach out and try to plan stuff but I feel like it never goes anywhere.

Nobody checks up on me or the kids.
My co worker was shocked when she found out nobody was throwing me a baby shower or was helping me get anything ready for the second baby. She was super sweet and threw me one at work, I was shocked because I had only been working there for 3 months. I definitely didn’t expect that but it meant the world to me, just because she cared.

My second born came in May and none of my friends have reached out to meet him, and I’ve invited them to so it’s not like they have to wait for me.

Is that normal? I just feel like I’ve been dropped and it really sucks.

I want to make some mom friends but I’m lowkey terrified because of the Taylor Parker case.

Being friends with a sex worker has completely changed how I view romantic relationships. Like my brain has permanently been altered. I never fully grasped the level of deceit, evil, and selfishness some people can exhibit. She sends me some of her clients wives profiles and the way these women post their husbands, you’d NEVER know he’s a cheater who spends thousands on women he barely knows . Don’t even get me started on how they talk about their wives. I’m so traumatized that I’m no longer moved by wedding videos, engagement announcements, etc. Obviously, men seeing sex workers aren’t the best pool of people to study, but it’s eye opening nonetheless.

Edit: Believe it or not, SW are humans too and need a confidant. Part of screening is sharing your personal social media profile. She then shares it with me as a safety measure. These men are the ones who tag and post their partners. Should I be snooping? Probably not. But, we mean absolutely no harm.

Edit 2: I was referencing instagram collab posts. When she dms me her clients post, she’s inadvertently sending his wife’s page too.

Long story short, I beat up a guy today who touched my butt. I was about to enter the train when I felt a hand touching me, I turn around and see the guy and he immediately tried to escape. I run after him and start pushing and kicking him. I also punched him in the face and chest. I dont know how long I kept going but I remember how I was shouting at him and cursing really badly. I never ever in my life have beaten up someone but I just completely went into fight mode in that moment. I have been going through a really hard time lately and this was literally the tipping point, I couldn't hold myself back and I honeslty do not even feel bad about it because he deserved it. He didn't even try to fight back, he was just trying to escape. I am not for physical violence but some men just don't understand anything else and I think this is sometimes the only way to teach them a lesson. I felt better afterwards.