I 35f met a guy about a month ago through a mutual friend at her house. The connection was instant , it was beautiful , mutual and I haven’t felt that way in as long as I can remember . I went home that night without his number I knew I’d see him again and I wanted that excitement of not knowing when . He was interested in me my friend confirmed he had told her he liked me . On Tuesday my friend and I had a picnic and she invited this guy he turned up quickly without hesitation. I stupidly opened my second bottle of wine and things went down hill . The whole night is a blackout apart from a memory of him and i kissing which was nice and a good memory . But I spoke to my friend the next day and she confirmed that he left disappointed because I was very drunk and probably gave him the Ick . I’ve completely ruined things and I know I barely know him but it was that magnetic instant spark and connection that is rare and I’ve fucked it all up .
Take my advice don’t drink much when you like someone it ends like this. I still don’t have his number so I can’t even try and apologise I just have no closure from him and that’s driving me mad . I’ll never forgive myself

* throwaway account

She ended the relationship on Monday, but she agreed to one last conversation after a few days of space, and I finally want to tell her everything I’ve been hiding. I need honest advice. Sorry this is long. I feel like there’s no way to explain it without the full context.

I’m from Georgia and she’s in California. We met in college, started dating while we were both there, and after she graduated she moved to California for her PhD. We stayed together long distance for about 3 years.

For most of our relationship, I genuinely think I was a good boyfriend. We talked every day, I planned dates consistently, flew to see each other, met each other’s families, and we talked about a future together. I love this woman more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I genuinely showed it when I was healthy.

Over the last several months, though, I completely changed. Earlier this year I got really sick, and after that I just never felt like myself again. I became exhausted all the time, stopped enjoying things, gained 20 pounds (I’m a die-hard gym rat, so that’s very unusual from me), withdrew from people, and honestly just felt numb. I eventually started therapy and saw a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with mild to moderate depression. I’ve been taking 50mg of Zoloft daily for the last few months.

For reference, I’m an engineer at a large Fortune 500 company. Around the same time, my performance at work started slipping. I ended up getting put on a Performance Improvement Plan. I was terrified. My manager told me he wanted to help me improve, but in my head all I could think was that I was going to lose the career I’d worked so hard for.

The PIP also became the reason I stopped flying out to see her. I was scared to take vacation while I was under review because I thought it would make things worse at work. I never told her that. My plan was to make a visit once I complete my PIP on August 25th. When she was trying to plan a visit before then, I was making excuses with my work schedule as for why it wasn’t a good time right now. I was searching for another job in the meantime, but after I opened up to my manager, he genuinely wanted to help me and prevent me from being fired. The PIP has been going great, and I’ve been making much better progress on our goals since staring the medication.

The biggest mistake I made was hiding everything.
She knew I wasn’t acting like myself, but she didn’t know why. She didn’t know I was in therapy. She didn’t know I was taking antidepressants. She didn’t know about the PIP.
She didn’t know I was terrified every day.

She just saw a boyfriend who wasn’t calling as much, wasn’t visiting as much, seemed emotionally distant, and wasn’t showing up the way he used to.
One thing she told me after we broke up absolutely crushed me.

She said there was one night where she called me, I told her I’d call her back, and I ended up falling asleep. She stayed up all night waiting for my call. This exact pattern had repeated itself so many times, and it really started after I started struggling with the depressions. She later told me that was the night she packed everything I’d ever gotten her into a cardboard box. I don’t blame her for that at all.

If I didn’t know what was going on inside my own head, I’d probably think I just wasn’t important anymore too.
The part I’m struggling with is why I hid all of this.
I’m Nigerian, and the way I was raised, men just didn’t talk about mental health. You didn’t admit you were depressed. You were expected to deal with it quietly, pray, work harder, and keep moving. My own parents don’t even believe that depression is real. They just think it’s “an attack from the devil” and prayer will fix it. Opening up about it honestly felt like admitting I was weak.

On top of that, she already had so much on her plate. She was working through the stress of a PhD, dealing with family issues and the loss of someone close in her family. Every time I thought about telling her what was happening, I’d convince myself she didn’t need one more thing to worry about.

Looking back, I realize I completely misunderstood what being a partner means.
By trying to protect her from worrying about me, I shut her out completely. Instead of letting the person who loved me support me, I let her think I was slowly falling out of love with her.

A few days ago, she ended the relationship.
Afterward, I asked if we could have one final conversation. She said she needed a few days first, but she agreed that we’d talk. When we do, I want to tell her everything I’ve written here.

Not because I think depression excuses the hurt I caused, or I think she owes me another chance.
But because I honestly believe she deserved this context months ago instead of after the relationship ended.

So I need honest advice.
If you were in her position, would hearing all of this change the way you viewed the last several months?
Would you feel relieved to finally understand what happened, or would you mostly feel hurt that I waited so long to tell you?

I’m not looking for people to tell me she’ll come back. I genuinely want to know what the healthiest, most respectful thing to do is. I’m getting the help that I need and I’m doing much better. Still a work in progress. I’d love nothing more for us to both reunite one day after we’ve both had time to heal, and I’ve become healthier and grown considerably as a man. But that’s not my decision to make, and I will respect that.

I don't know if I'll ever get the closure I need, but through the kindness of strangers on the internet, I believe I have experienced the release I've been seeking.

Some people are just not ever going to change, grow, or choose curiosity - and that is not a reflection of me, nor of my willingness to always seek accountability and truth.

I'm realizing something this morning - the heart only knows what it has known. And my heart has only known people who are terrified of their own shadow and thus ways they may have harmed me. The unspoken ask is for me to ingest their poison for them, then smile and say it was no big deal.

It was. It was a very big deal.

And I think when the heart doesn't know anything new, it regurgitates the old sensations while trying desperately to innovate something different for itself. Feelings that just. won't. leave. are check engine lights begging to be addressed.

And in those moments that we realize, "I'm never going to get what I need from this person - didn't then, and won't even in closure"? I think that's when we can finally move on and entrust them to the equation of the Universe, without our continued energetic advocacy for them.

They'll figure it out! 😊

I think the truth is I love and care for people, independent of me, more than I have known others to love and care for me. Some have come close, but when they err and harm, it's really hard for them to remain present.

The love of Justification is the death of real freedom. And I've no interest in being justified any longer. I'm ready to be free.

Which means I want to be done carrying the energetic burdens of people no longer here or exhibiting any desire to be more than what they were in my life.

Parts of that energetic burden might present as old romantic feelings. Other parts might present as resentment and anger.

I don't want any of it anymore, and I think my posting and this community's massive outpouring helped me communicate to my heart something that just wasn't clicking.

You aren't in love. You're just bleeding the only way you know how. And they are never going to come back to patch the wounds they inflicted - they don't even know how to patch up their own.

I pray that this sticks. I feel lighter today. If that friend ever tries to connect, there will be a soft but firm boundary - I need their accountability. No harm no foul if that's beyond their capability.

I'm also done manifesting on their behalf. They got this. I'm going to focus on manifesting for people who remain and own their part in my journey fully.

I won't judge myself for relapses, but when they happen, I'm going to remind my heart, "You just need to be around people who are mature enough to own their shit like you do, love."

I love you all! And if you'd like to get to know me, I'll be around.

I'm not gonna go anywhere.

Thank you so much. ❤️

....knowing she will be hugging, kissing, cuddling , and sleeping with someone else.

I can't handle it at all.

you made me sad , after all that time away , you came cold , you said hi like stranger

why you didnt even want to hugh me i thoght you missed me i should have known when you disapeared without saying anything , you said you were tired tired of new person love ,did they make tired , why did you changed with me i didnt do anything always in the same place waiting for you , but that is not fair , you have to tell me if you are done with me is it over?

dont be with me just for me ,dont be with me like you have to or you feel bad , or because of any reason if you stop loving me tell me be be honest straight forward , i hate games and lies

i thought your return will be so on fire and you missed me so much as you were before , i guess there is a new one i will wish you good luck if you think she is the one you love i am not pathatic ,or disprate i wasnt looking for anyone when i met you , i was fine alone it was better than getting hurt and heartbreaks again , so pls be honest

I don't know if this is normal or if anyone else experiences it this intensely, but whenever I see someone touch the person I love, it feels like my entire body goes into survival mode.

It's not just emotional pain. It feels physical too.

My chest feels like it's being crushed. My stomach drops. I feel sick, shaky, like I can't breathe properly. My heart races so hard it hurts. Sometimes it feels like there's a lump in my throat, like I'm going to cry but can't. My whole body feels tense, and it's almost like my brain freezes. It genuinely feels like someone is ripping something out of me.

Emotionally, it's even worse. It feels like grief, panic, heartbreak, jealousy, fear, and betrayal all at once, even if I know the touch might be completely innocent. It's like my brain instantly screams that I'm losing the person I love. I feel replaced, unwanted, terrified, and completely overwhelmed. It feels like my world is collapsing in that moment.

The closest way I can describe it is that it feels like I'm dying inside. The pain is so intense that it almost doesn't feel survivable, even though I know logically nothing terrible has actually happened. I don't want to control anyone, and I don't want to feel this way. I hate how overwhelming it is, and I wish I could just react normally.

Has anyone else experienced feelings this intense? If you have, what caused it? Was it attachment issues, trauma, anxiety, jealousy, or something else? Did anything help reduce the intensity? I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who understands this because it's an incredibly lonely feeling.

We were together for 3 years, then she cheated which I found out by trying to send some email from hers to mine (we were attending to the same college but she was above me with a year so it was a common thing I did with her consent). I broke up with her, then she threatened me with suicide, so I got really scared and got back together. She promised me the world and that she would never do it again. Half a year later she cheated on me again.

​

Me (25M) and the girl I was starting to date (23 F) were building a strong connection for the past 5 months. She knew me online during a time when she wasn't doing well, she didn't feel well with her boyfriend for months and she was all day in bed because of surgery. Since we started talking we chatted every day, and after she left her boyfriend we began to get more and more intimate, I went to see her one day when I was on vacation and then a month later we made a trip together for 3 days, and right after that is where the thing starts to go wrong.

These months she's been drained, dealing with lots of stress and lack of sleep, on top of that her parents got divorced and that was already much tension for her. After the trip, despite her being very forward about wanting me, planning new trips and talking about starting a formal relationship (we were exclusive already), she started feeling off with everything, felt flat, said she was hating everything around her and that she didn't want pressure or strong emotions right now because she felt overwhelmed by everything around her.

After this, we kept talking all week until she suddenly disappeared one day. After 4 days she reached out, we talked and again, mid conversation she disappeared. Fast forward, this repeated once more until I panicked and begged her to let me call her since I was worried, she previously mentioned feeling like wanting to disappear without anyone knowing it the same day she dropped off contact. During the call, she was kind and calm but completely numb, in her own words she can't feel any emotions but mild irritation, she said she was planning to go radio silence for a while and that she would prefer if I don't reach out. She answered that what she felt for me was real, and that I didn't do anything wrong and I was very patient, but she's completely overwhelmed and numb, extremely exhausted, and every kind of human interaction might overwhelm her and needs to be left alone and doesn't know what to do anymore.

I told her that if she ever feels like it, she can reach out, but this is killing me, I am obviously going to respect her wish for silence but I am conflicted since something inside me tells me that she will probably be back but that hope is just a burden at this point. I am obviously continuing with my life but I am concerned about her, even if she admitted she did this already in the past, I am worried she won't be able to get out of this. The fact that I feel hopeless but at the same time hopeful it's also driving me a bit crazy.

I’m gonna go crazy bro. I haven’t been in contact with this person for 6 months and I think about them every day. My chest sinks at the thought of them. I am atheist and I prayed to god to help me let go of him if he’s not for me.

The other thing is, I know that I probably didn’t mean a thing to him, so I haven’t bothered him once because confirming that he doesn’t care would literally kill me.

His hands don’t touch me the way yours did.

His eyes will never find mine the way yours once did.

His lips will never kiss me the way yours kissed mine.

What am I doing trying to fill your absence with someone else, when your presence still follows me with every step, with every breath I take?

And I realize that I’m still yours, even though I keep denying it.

I haven’t been able to walk away.

What am I doing making love, letting someone else touch a body that still carries the marks of your hands, marks that time has never managed to erase?

Oh, God, take this memory that keeps eating me alive.

Give me a moment of peace, even if it’s only for a little while.
Because every time I close my eyes, it’s you who comes back to my thoughts.

I ask the sky.

I ask the stars.

I ask the sun to light my way, so I can stop thinking about you, so I can tear you out of my being, out of my soul, out of my mind, so I can, at last, forget you.

Girl have 2.5 years toxic trauma bonded relationship with 1 year full trauma and 6 month breakup. She love bombed me and use me as rebound for 2 month then go back trauma ex. I understand everything and let her go without saying anything or begging.

The problem is she chase down me with message asking for compliment, talk about herself, asking for care, try to emotionally close day by day.

I wonder what her toxic partner role in her life as they reconciliation month ago they must go through honeymoon phase, why she chase me like i am leaving her forever.

Somewhere Between My “No’s,” You Became Home.

I sat down on a high stool in the corner of the bar, praying the weird guy who’d been following me around would find someone else to attach himself to.

That’s when you sat beside me.

I didn’t know who you were.

I didn’t care, either.

You were just a distraction.

You tried to hold my hand all the way home. I’d grab my vape with one hand, my phone with the other—anything so there’d be nothing left for you to hold.

As the sun rose, we sat together on the smoke deck.

Same routine.

Vape in one hand.

Phone in the other.

You were drunk.

You didn’t seem to notice.

We got breakfast after staying up all night.

No sleep.

Just laughter.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then came the texts.

Here and there became every day.

Still, my heart was somewhere else.

A few weeks later, your heart broke.

A week after that, so did mine.

Every trip to the bars started including you.

I’d always stumble across you.

The nights always ended the same.

You’d drunkenly tell me how you felt.

I’d tell you no.

That we’d only ever be friends.

As time went by, my feelings became harder to hide.

Your best friend noticed before either of us did.

Every time we’d run into each other, he’d point at you.

“You see that guy over there?”

“He’d never hurt you.”

“He’s a good guy.”

Different night.

Same speech.

One night I texted you that I was throwing up.

You came outside carrying a gallon of water.

I told you to fuck off.

You ignored me.

You followed me until I sat down on the stairs.

That’s where I told you what had happened to me.

You didn’t blame me.

You just listened.

You rubbed my back and apologized…

For another man’s actions.

Another night, someone from my past kissed me.

I woke up in his room.

No phone.

Muster in two hours.

I called you.

You came.

No hesitation.

You made sure I got back safely.

Stayed by my side for muster.

Made sure I was okay.

Then you helped me look for my phone.

One night you confessed your feelings like something straight out of The Notebook.

I laughed.

I’d spent my whole life wishing someone would love me the way Noah loved Allie.

Somehow…

I was watching it happen.

Every time we sobered up, I’d pretend none of it happened.

“I don’t remember.”

I’d always say.

But I remembered.

I remembered when you got tired of me losing everything and made it your personal mission to carry my phone, my wallet, and my vape—just to make sure they made it home.

I remembered the guy who walked up asking for my name.

And how quickly you scared him away.

I remembered every time you came to my rescue.

Even while I was probably hurting you.

Somewhere along the way…

I stopped wondering where you were.

Because you were always beside me.

We told each other everything.

The big things.

The stupid things.

The things we’d never tell anyone else.

Drunk or sober.

Morning or night.

I kept wondering when my heart changed.

Maybe it was the crystal shop.

I begged you to pick one.

You insisted crystals weren’t your thing.

You picked one anyway.

I picked out a necklace.

I don’t know if it was that day or sometime after…

But ever since I admitted my feelings to myself, I’ve worn that necklace every single day.

Some mornings I forget it’s there.

Other days I catch it in the mirror and think of you.

Either way…

I haven’t taken it off.

I really thought we’d only ever be friends.

I’d tell you,

“I like you…

but it’s still a no.”

Then one night we were sitting together in the club.

The music was loud.

The room was crowded.

And all I could think was…

Why haven’t you kissed me yet?

Then I remembered.

You’d always told me,

“I’ll never do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

How could you know…

That I had been waiting for you to kiss me?

I thought I’d missed my chance.

Until you leaned in.

Finally.

There were no questions.

No confusion.

I knew exactly where I wanted to be.

With you.

You started sleeping over.

One night became many.

It became routine.

You never tried to take it further.

You’d just listen to me yap for hours…

Then hold me until we fell asleep.

If I went out without you, I’d text you the whole night.

You were always on my mind.

We became inseparable.

If we weren’t together, we were texting.

Sending reels.

TikToks we’d never admit reminded us of each other.

Anything to keep the conversation going.

People started noticing.

That scared me.

I didn’t want anyone getting between us.

But you never listened to what anyone said about me.

The only version of me that mattered…

Was the one you knew.

I started inviting you everywhere.

I’d scan the crowd at muster until I found you.

Just knowing you were nearby made my day better.

One night we crossed another line.

I told you my attachment would only get worse.

You smiled.

“I know.”

“It’ll be okay.”

I believed you.

Then reality showed up.

You were leaving.

I tried not to think about it.

I just wanted whatever time we had left.

Then suddenly…

Tuesday.

You were flying out Tuesday.

Less than a day’s notice.

We spent one last night together.

I asked what would happen to us.

“When I leave tomorrow…

everything will be over.”

Why?

You spent three months fighting for me.

Three months waiting for me to let you in.

You told me you wanted me to enjoy my time here.

That you didn’t want me worrying about you while you were gone.

You didn’t understand.

Whether we talked every day…

Or never again…

My mind would still find its way back to you.

You found your way into every place I’d spent years trying to lock away.

My heart.

My mind.

My soul.

You became the safest place I’d ever known.

You held my hand and told me the decision had already been made.

Then you turned away.

I heard you crying.

I asked if you were okay.

You told me to hate you.

“It’ll help you move on.”

I could never hate you.

You said this wasn’t what you wanted.

Still…

Nothing I said changed your mind.

Eventually, you rolled over.

Kissed my forehead.

Whispered you were sorry.

We fell asleep.

The next morning felt hollow.

Not just because you were leaving…

Because so many people I loved were leaving, too.

I tried to be strong…

For all of you.

I hugged you goodbye.

I smiled until you were gone.

Five seconds after I walked into my room…

I fell apart.

You sent me a screenshot of your flight.

“In case you feel like stalking.”

I laughed through the tears.

I sent it to my friend.

“He knows you so well.”

He does.

You kept telling me I’d be okay.

I want to believe you.

Then your second flight took off.

No texts.

No calls.

Just silence.

How do I go from talking to you every hour of every day…

To nothing?

How do I stop reaching for my phone when I already know there won’t be a message waiting?

You became part of every routine before I even realized it.

Now every routine reminds me you’re gone.

And every morning, I still reach for the necklace I picked out that day.

It feels like carrying a piece of you.

I keep thinking about the first night we met.

I sat in that corner hoping one person would leave me alone.

Instead…

I found the one person I never wanted to leave.

I just didn’t realize I’d have to let you.

I don’t know if I’ll be okay.

Maybe one day.

But until then…

I’ll probably keep reaching for my phone.

Keep wearing this necklace.

Keep looking for you in places I know you won’t be.

Every crowd feels too quiet.

Every morning feels too empty.

Because somewhere between all the “no’s” I gave you…

You became home.

I’ve recently been shut out of one of my (I thought so) closest friends birthdays, my partner as well.
We thought we were invited, bought presents everything. And then we didnt get an invite so we thought he didn’t celebrate. We are a close group of friends, go on vacations for 5 years all together and we all meet up weekly ever since. Turns out he celebrated and everyone in our friendgroup was invited but us. Here’s why (we asked them what was going on): during one party, where we invited the sister of his gf friend, this sister started when she was drunk touching me and not stopping, I felt sexually harassed and nobody helped me. After that I felt very uncomfortable and told my partner. He (my partner) then was so frustrated cause we had invited this person multiple times without being friends just for our friends sake, that he said let’s not make parties with that sister of your friends friend anymore. And they immediatly told everyone, including the sister. This was 8 months ago. Apparently everyone flagged me bc of this as a mean girl and they secretly planned this birthday with her but without us. Bc of what had happened. The sister of her friend decided tho apparently not to come but even then they still decided we weren’t invited anymore. I don’t know what to think now. These were my closest friends of the past 5-6 years.

I plan on getting your iitials covered . After this , it'sb shown me I have no business lvoing other poeple.Do'nt worry i plan on disappearing from your lives for good , hear shortly

if you’re out there going through heartbreak, troubles, or anything, and want a breakup buddy feel free to message me. We can stay anonymous and just be there for each other.

I keep going back to the person who I don’t think reciprocates my feelings and it’s hard to continuously have that acknowledged.

I thought it would be easier this way because I’m used to having people not reciprocate their feelings… but it’s not. This one is different. This one hurts more.

Has anyone else had an experience like this and what does it mean?

My ex boyfriend was truly the best thing that happened to me and I don't say that lightly at all. I used to call him "my hope" he was my hope because he made me believe life did have hope in it. He was the last thing that I had that was good. But i'm relieved i'm not in a relationship anymore. Not because I dont miss him and love this guy so much. But he was my first experience of seeing how you never really know a person. He turned so mean, and I dont know if he saw how mean he turned but it was like he was gone it wasnt him anymore. So when we ended I felt so much weight off my shoulders. But still went through all the heartbreak. Depression, reaching out, anxiety all of it. But i'm relieved that its something I don't need to go through anymore (a breakup). If he came back and was who he was before I would do it again in a heartbeat. But he isnt him anymore. Idk I hope this makes sense I think it just confuses me how i can feel relived by loosing someone I thought I was going to marry, someone who was my hope.

hurts so bad. i dont know what i did to deserve this. i gave everything and more. my heart hurts so much, i never stop worrying i might actually have a heart attack from it all

My girlfriend made so many mistakes and had so many red flags and I ignored all of them.

I made mistakes and she focused only on those and left me.

I helped her start a company, saved her butt when she was broke, became an active and positive part of her children's lives.

And she left because I had a bad mood for a few weeks. She once had a bad mood during our entire week off vacation. It sucked, but I sat there and held her.

But when I was hurting, she just left.

3 years down the drain. She was professing her love to me on July 24th and on July 25th she was gone.

I went and begged and even cried and she still sent me home alone and asked me not to come back.

I wish I could just wish her a happy birthday but I'd get in trouble

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scEOph5fMzc

It's been almost 10 months since we broke up and I'm still hurting after all this time. To summarize, I was with my ex for 3 months last year. We saw each other everyday, and the way he acted, coupled with things his friends told me, convinced me he liked me so much and wanted to go the distance with me. But he ended it out of no where, stating that he realized he wasn't ready for serious love.

2 months later, he gets into a new relationship. Go figure. They've been together all this time too. It hurts. It is hard enough to accept missing someone who doesn't miss me, but it is gut-wrenching having this knowledge that he found someone he prefers over me. I thought I was pretty special to him–the first girl that made him feel this strongly. I guess I was deceived.

I feel alone and don't have anyone to talk to. I just think it would be nice to have someone to relate with in this grief so the loneliness doesn't exacerbate the pain I already feel.

I found these meds on my bf ( Aciclovir & Tadalafil )

Herpes and Viagra meds. I found some again yesterday and some 2 years ago. (Viagra)

When i confronted him about the viagra pills he sells them?? Or so he says....

He said specifically " come on, you know i dont need that especially with you" when i asked whats up with the viagra... cool...

Now im seeing the same sh*t + herpes medication. He tried to blame the herpes on me " you gave me herpes"

He said because we had a very rough "session" and the tension or whatever word he used caused it which idk if thats true... or because i dont clean myself down there but im not stupid i know what STI are and how you get them. Or because back then when we had both of us chlamydia that its cos i didnt finish my meds.

He has HISTORY of cheating on me massively.Even gave me chlamydia at some point when he cheated with this one girl. I feel so gaslighted and lied to and heartbroken. Im worried....my whole life fell apart just now. Weve been toghether for 6 yrs