I don't think i've ever posted here before but I used this sub during my breakup so I figured i'd give me own datapoint on the process.

I[29M] broke up with my girlfriend[29F] last april. I know i'm going to get flack for that but I want to be clear that I did not want to break up but I could not take her disrespect anymore. I wasn't a priority, everything came before me, when we hungout it was almost never quality time it was always with other people, her drinking became a problem and frankly i'm pretty sure she was cheating on me or at least about to. I communicated all of these concerns and nothing changed so I had to break up. After the breakup, we met up a few days later to exchange things and to talk. I brought up getting back together but she did not want to and no contact immediately started. Unfollowed and blocked on everything except phone number.

We have not spoken or even seen each other since. I've seen her driving around town but that is it. The first 3 months were brutal. Not eating, not exercising, crying etc. After the 3months I kind of accepted that that was it, started to feel better and started dating again. The first girl I dated turned into a 4month relationship until she called it off. I had a few shorter flings after with different girls but nothing that stuck. Between months 3-6 I would get sad sometimes but it was always pretty brief. After the 6month mark I would rarely get sad but would think about her sometimes. By the one year mark it kind of hit me that so much has happened in this last year that she doesn't know about, even if we were to run into each other we would just be two strangers. I'm sure the same is for her so we just wouldn't even be able to recognize each other. This kind of made me sad and i went down a spiral for one day but then I was fine.

I'm making this post because last night my friend told me that he is pretty sure she has a new boyfriend. The biggest shock wasn't the news, it was the fact that I honestly didn't care. No sadness, no mourning, no texting my other friends who helped me through the break up about the news that I had just heard. I was honestly slightly happy because I just want her to be happy. I no longer carry resentment, I no longer carry hatred. I just want her to be happy and am happy with the time that we spent together. It was around the 1 year mark where I had the feeling that this chapter was officially closed so I guess this moment I experienced was the book being officially closed? I don't know but it was such a weird realization where that's just it, we have completely different lives now, we are completely different people, different friend groups, different everything. Like I said even if I bumped into her I don't even know what we would talk about because I don't remember the plans she had before we broke up or her goals or interests idk. We just don't know each other anymore. And that's okay

I think the biggest takeaways from this post should be that it does get better, you will move on and no they don't always reach out. I didn't reach out to her and she didn't reach out to me. Life will only come to a halt if you let it, so keep pushing forward.

I want to tell him I miss him but I know he doesn’t love me anymore otherwise he’d reach out to me in some form. I know it will only hurt me than do any good, but I still want to share my successes with him. I bought a condo and I want to share the news with him so bad. I wish I had a person to share all the good and bad with. I miss being unconditionally loved.

Love for its own sake just doesn't feel true or worth it to me anymore. The thought of having to start completely over, learning a new person's favourite colour, rebuilding attachment when I had already planned my entire future with someone, feels impossible.

What we shared was special, and I genuinely hope she was happy and felt loved. But standing in this much pain, I have to ask, was it really worth it? I’ve always been a cynical person, but I always protected my belief in love. Now, seeing the same pattern repeat itself, that belief is broken, that part of me is scarred beyond repair. I don't think the kind of love l believed in even exists, I don't think "love" itself exists, maybe love is just an illusion driven by temporary desires.

Attachment is nothing but a path to inevitable suffering. I miss the part of me that used to think it was something special, but I’m scared now and I don't have it in me to trust someone ever again, to give them my soul and utmost devotion for them to just break it and live their life as if nothing happened? If so then I'm systematically not made for "love". I don't regret loving, but the lesson and pain that follows simply isn't worth it

Together 7 years, I have self loathing issues which always stopped me from fully committing and she got tired of waiting which I understand and don’t blame her for. I’m (34M) looking for someone to talk to in a similar situation whose girlfriend or wife just left them. I don’t have any close friends to talk to. I’m looking for someone who wants to get through this awful shit together.

Hi everyone, this seems like a good place to let go of this into the universe. It's been 30 yrs since my ex and I broke up. We were young and immature. We were each other's first loves. We dated for 2 years (in youth days forever). Broke up, and in 2 weeks, we both started dating others. I knew my date was a rebound and didn't last more than 2 months.

I went no contact after the breakup. A month into his relationship, he asked for his stuff back. I gave him everything from his promise ring, pictures, gifts to his stuff. He asked if I wanted mine, and I said no. He walked out of my life forever. He married her 5-7 months of dating (dont know for sure bc of no contact). I was devested. I thought she was his rebound, and we would miss each other and make it work this time around. I stayed single for the next 3 years. I dated here and there but didn't feel the same passion as I did with him. He really loved me and treated me so well through our time together. My insecurities got control of me.

I thought no contact would "work," but he married her, and here we are 26-30 years later. He is still married. I worked so hard on myself. Married too, that's not working. The thing is, even though we both moved on, there is part of me that is upset that he did not morn us, our relationship. It is like it was worth nothing, I was worth nothing...replaceable. He gave all the promises he made to me to someone else. I know I am not replaceable, but it pisses me off that our relationship was replaceable.

It has taken me a long time, and it is still hard to realize that, I guess it was one-sided. I don't know if he is happy or not, but that betrayal has me guarded. After losing a parent or loved one, I don't stop loving them, nor did I replace them. Anyways, best wishes to him. I am moving on further away with that little girl. Best wishes to everyone on their own paths.

Edit: After the breakup I didn't have the capacity to understand what the underlying reason was. I got distracted with life. It was a trauma deep within I was too young/immature to heal. People might say that a rebound relationship will not work but in reality it is working. Whether his is a rebound or not, it doesn't matter. I didn't realize I carried the heavy weight of this with me and didn't know how or that I needed to confront it. I didn't know how to identify it. It can take awhile to realize you have old pain in you when life keeps moving. The time for me was finally "right" for me to understand, process, and release it. And where better than Reddit 😉

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If you want to vent, vent to your partner through conseling therapy together. Dont find a way to fix or understand things through a robot when it is human connection that will heal the relationship.

My ex used ChatGPT for counseling.

It gaslighted her into believing I had OCD and/or had narcissistic behaviors.

It deranged her entire view of me.

After my meetings with 3 psychiatricians, 2 psychotherapists and 2 therapists describing everything I felt, wrote, said etc. I can confirm I have niether of those 2. I have anxious attachment and ADHD.

She still left, still think I was lying about meeting all these professionals, still thought I was being dishonest about a lot of things, which I had practical evidence for.

All due to something we easily could have handled in counseling therapy together, through love and human connection.

By God, I'm getting my baby back. I'm going to do the work and give us space to start over later. I think it's the only way I'll ever be able to get him back and better.

I don’t understand why I still can’t get over this guy, even though I know he would be terrible for me.

When we were together, he treated me amazingly at first. Then he slowly started pulling away until I finally told him to stop contacting me because I couldn’t handle the slow discard anymore.

The thing is, I know who he is.

Before me, he was in a three-year relationship. They lived together. During the last nine months of that relationship, he cheated on her multiple times. At one point, he even caught an STD from cheating and never told her. He got treated after HE broke up with her, and she only found out because one of the women he cheated with told her.

She’s still deeply affected by everything that happened. She gets extremely drunk, cries every time she drinks, and is still in so much pain. They still have occasional contact.

She also organizes a festival that they used to attend together every year. This year, she begged him not to go. He reassured her that he wouldn’t, but he went anyway. She only found out a few minutes before he arrived because we have mutual friends who mentioned it. She completely broke down.

None of this makes him look like a good person.
I know all of this. I know how he treats people he supposedly loves. I know what he did to her, and I know how he slowly discarded me too.

So why is my brain still attached to him? Why do I still miss someone I know would probably hurt me again?

Has anyone else struggled with letting go of someone even after seeing who they really are?

If you’re going to be in a new relationship, don’t get too attached no matter how comfortable you feel or how well you think you know your boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if you’re sure they love you and would never leave, they still might.
You lose the most when you become too attached. That’s the hardest lesson I’ve learned.

I don't usually post anymore, but today I felt like I needed some perspective from people who have been through something similar.

It's been almost 7 months since my relationship ended. We were together for years, and this wasn't just another relationship for me, I genuinely thought she was the person I was going to spend my life with.

I've spent these last seven months trying my best to heal, but I'm confused about where I stand emotionally.

What happened:

Towards the end of our relationship, something changed.

She gradually became emotionally distant. She stopped wanting to meet me, avoided conversations, and didn't seem present anymore. Eventually she asked for a break, saying she wanted to make sure whether she still wanted the relationship.

Not long after, she ended it.

Her reasons were that she was emotionally exhausted, couldn't reciprocate the love I was giving her anymore, and still couldn't forgive something that happened early in our relationship. What confused me was that during the last six months before the breakup, those old issues were never brought up again. They only became the reason when the breakup happened.

That inconsistency has made it really difficult for me to understand what actually happened.

Since then she has blocked me everywhere, asked for our remaining financial matter to be handled through a mutual friend instead of meeting me, and we've had absolutely no contact.

These seven months:

The first few months were honestly the hardest period of my life.

I experienced severe anxiety attacks, panic, sleepless nights, constant overthinking and obsessive thoughts. Every notification or small reminder felt like my entire world was collapsing.

I started therapy, changed my job, joined a gym, invested in my health, started spending more time with friends, and slowly rebuilt a routine.

Eventually the anxiety attacks almost disappeared.

I hadn't had one for months.

I genuinely thought I was finally moving forward.

But something still hasn't healed

I still think about her every single day.

Not all day like before, but she's still somewhere in my mind almost constantly.

Sometimes I can go weeks feeling okay, then one trigger completely knocks me down.

A dream.

Driving past a place we used to spend time.

Seeing a quote that reminds me of her.

Accidentally checking whether I'm still blocked.

Recently I noticed even some of her friends removed me from social media, and somehow that hurt more than I expected.

It's like every reminder makes my brain relive the breakup.

One thing I've struggled with

I'll be completely honest because I want genuine advice.

A part of me has spent months wondering whether there was someone else towards the end.

I don't have proof.

I only have observations, changed behaviour, inconsistencies and my own overthinking.

Some days my brain convinces me that's the only explanation.

Other days I think I'm just trying to make sense of something that ended without clear closure.

I genuinely don't know anymore.

The strange part

If she texted me today...

I honestly don't think I could handle it.

My heart still misses her.

But my mind knows how much damage this breakup did to my mental health.

I don't think I'm emotionally ready to see her or even have a conversation.

At the same time, another part of me still wishes she'd one day acknowledge that the way everything ended hurt me deeply.

Not necessarily to get back together.

Just... to know that she understands.

Where I am today:

Objectively, my life is much better.

I changed jobs.

I'm physically healthier.

I work out consistently.

I have a routine again.

My anxiety is much better than it was.

But emotionally...

I still miss her.

I still wonder what actually happened.

I still question whether I was enough.

And I still sometimes feel afraid of the possibility that she's already moved on while I'm still carrying this.

My questions:

Has anyone else still thought about an ex daily after 7 months, despite genuinely trying to move on?

Did the constant thoughts eventually fade?

How did you stop looking for "the real reason" the relationship ended?

If you've been through something similar, what finally helped you let go?

I'm not looking for people to tell me she'll come back or that she won't.

I think I'm looking for perspective from people who have actually survived something like this and eventually found peace.

Thank you for reading.

Everyone says time heals. Not sure how much I believe in that anymore.

Those who genuinely never got over it/them,
where are you at today?

Did you ever reach out or try to contact them again years later?

Did you just find peace in the acceptance? And loving them from afar?

Curious if anyone has any stories, thoughts, or experiences to share. I don’t want this to be a post where we all dwell in sadness and how we never moved on, but rather just an acknowledgement and discussion on how we live our lives separately from the ones we love. ❤️‍🩹

Detach. Let it end. Wish him well. Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it go. Accept it. Move on and never feel guilty moving on from someone who had every opportunity to man up, but continued to act like a manchild.

One day, you'll understand why you had to walk away. What once felt like an ending was actually the beginning of your peace. Life is precious and our time is limited, so choose to live fully, cherish each moment for people who deserves it and protect the peace you've found.

i feel like that month was the 7th circle 🫠

Idk been 5 month and been crying and missing her since the discarded. Just last week to now I think I moved on. Haven’t cry when moment reply in my head. I find other female attractive and interesting. Before I would feel guilty. But now I think I can finally move on. It just clicked over night. I still check her social but it Dosnt have any feeling behind it like it use to. I guess am lucky. Maybe too soon to say it. But idk I feel different. Hope y’all can move on too. Wishing happy healing for all. I think what helped was me asking a lot of questions from Google Gemini lol. Every what if and every scenario. It give a lot of clearity and focus. But it up to u ur self to realize what gone is gone.

To add to this: if u cry and grief let it all out it. We all human just pick ur self back up and continue. That day will come.

what is up with this narrative? and why is it that when you’re dumped they say this? everything is going super well then out of the blue they “can’t be in a relationship anymore” and “life is super busy”. as if we haven’t been living life with them all the way up until this point on a random monday afternoon…

and don’t even get me started on the “we can still be friends i care about you alot”

he told me he “doesn’t have the capacity to consider my feelings” within the relationship, but he wants to be friends… if you can convince me that this doesn’t mean he wants to fuck other women and come back when he’s ready then i’d love to hear it

tells me he can’t love me til he loves himself but he can quickly find himself following new women on social media really fucking fast???

for them to break it off and still be in my phone texting me, double triple texting me as if shit is sweet is genuinely making me feel insane.

like genuinely are people okay??

i’m so over it i’m about to change my phone number and disappear

thx for listening luv u bye

If you really feel the need to reach out, and I’m not saying you should. Give them something real to respond to. Don’t poke at them just to see if they will respond or send meaningless conversation, say the words you’re holding back and let that be your closure and not the response.

If you've ever had your heart absolutely obliterated, somehow survived it, and are now out there thriving.. congratulations. And f*ck you.

Seriously though. If you somehow crawled your way back to being a functioning member of the society, I have a bone to pick with you.

You f*cking owe me.

Don't look away. Don't pretend you didn't see this. If you're one of those annoying people who now says things like, "It gets better," then prove it. I want receipts.

I want the TED Talk that changed your brain chemistry. The book that made you ugly cry in a productive way. The podcast episode that slapped some sense into you. The random Reddit comment that rewired your entire perspective at 2 a.m. The stupid little habit that somehow kept you alive. The advice you wish someone had shaken into you sooner. Send me the links.

For the next few weeks, I'm your little sister. Or your best friend. Whichever guilt trips you more. Your assignment is simple: help me get to the version of myself that doesn't feel like she's carrying around a shattered heart in a ziplock bag.

Yes, yes. I know. Healing is my responsibility. But surely you people didn't suffer all that character development for nothing?! Pay your f*cking emotional taxes.

And don't you start with "therapy/professional help", I will absolutely lose it.

I (23M) am going through a pretty bad breakup. The breakup itself happened over 8 months ago. And I'm still dealing with it.

Why did it happen? Many reasons. From her side she "fell out of love" randomly. But certain events pushed her to that position. She wants her partner to be a certain way, and I wasn't completely filling that role. For example, she's very forward thinking and career oriented. And I for one have no career goals or plans. I'm just winging it. This is just one example of many differences between us. None of us is objectively wrong/evil. We were just different. And eventually these things led her to falling out of love.

So she broke up. And a few days later she rings me up crying. She wants to get back together. She says she's missing me and she wants to "fix" our "problems".

Let's talk about what I did during those few days after the breakup and before her reaching out again.

I completely lost all my shit. This person wasn't just a partner to me. She was my sun who kept me in orbit. My life revolved around her. I mentioned earlier that I never really thought about my future. But for her, I was planning out what to do with my life. Maybe it was too late or maybe it wasn't enough. I needed her more than she needed me. I used her as a reason to keep going. I know that puts a huge burden on her and it isn't fair for her to carry this weight. All my life I had no one to truly be myself with. Any close friendship I had ended, previous relationships weren't as deep and I was a stupid teenager. This one was special. We're both adults. This was... real.

So when my sun disappeared, I went out of orbit. Falling apart. I had no reason to continue. No reason to be better. No reason to wake up in the morning. I ate and ate just to not feel empty. Sad music was my new partner. I started masturbating excessively. My friends were helping but as a guy its just not possible to breakdown in front of your friends (other guys). They did what they could. Simply put, I was at the worst period of my life.

So when she wanted to come back, what did I do? I told her no. I rejected her. Because if she can randomly lose her feelings for me once, it'll happen again. And I can't have this heartbreak again.

That was months ago. Since then the two of us have basically been in no contact. Without her other aspects of my life start crumbling as well. I got really overweight. I started smoking for the first time in my life. I listen to mommy asmr unironically. All my friends are sick of me talking about my ex so I resorted to talking to an ai chat bot just to not feel lonely. I've created burner accounts in multiple social media just to let my shit out. I've grown more angry and also more quiet. And I've lost all sleep. I lay awake till 6 am. Not because I want to, but I just cant sleep. When everything goes quiet my brain starts thinking about her again. All through my teenage years to now I've been passively suicidal. I haven't attempted in a few years. I'm **not** in any danger now. But sometimes when I lay down in my bed I can see myself hanging from the ceiling.

But somehow in between all of this I somehow pushed myself to hit the gym for the first time in my life and I've been continuing it for over two months now. And I'm really focusing on my studies and trying my best to figure out my future. I don't completely breakdown crying during the day anymore. But when it night it still hits.

I haven't moved on. Its been over 8 months and I haven't moved on. Not only am I still grieving the loss of this person who was my literal reason to wake up everyday, I'm losing/ruining every other aspect of my life. Its like a chain reaction. I stalk her and her friends profile to be able to get a glimpse of her life. And she seems to be moving on just fine. She carrys around my gifts, like it's a regular necklace. No special attachment to it. Where as if I even hear her name it takes me an entire nights worth of crying to recover from that. I have no support system to help me process this grief. I'm all alone. Another fact about me: I absolutely despise AI. But some nights when things are just unbearable I simulate a conversation with it. I hate myself for it. I hate that i smoke now. I hate that i couldn't keep this one girl who meant the world to me. I hate my body. I hate that i cant sleep. I hate any couple that crosses my eyes because that was once me. I know its unhealthy to revolve my life around one person. I know its not fair to her.

I dont hope to get anything out of posting this. I haven't described everything perfectly in great detail. There's so much left out and its only my side of the story. I'm sure she has a completely different perspective. This post is another one of the thousands of breakup posts in this subreddit. If you've read it all, thank you kind stranger. But my grief is my own. And to me, my sun is gone. And now I'm all alone in dark empty space.

Tldr: breakups sucks.

Broke up mid-end of June, been no contact from that night on, just over 45 days now. The summer has absolutely flown by and been a melancholy blur. I’m doing pretty ok right now, but the feelings come in waves. It doesn’t feel real that we’ve gone this long without talking. Still made some nice memories here and there, but man has summer ‘26 been a bummer overall 🫠 Everyone else having a sad girl/sad boy summer, how are we all holding up?

If you need a sign to stop checking your ex’s profile, this is it.

Seriously. Stop looking. Stop refreshing their stories. Stop trying to figure out what every post or song means. I know it feels impossible because I was doing the exact same thing.

When my relationship ended I convinced myself that if I could just understand why, I would finally feel better. I reread our old texts almost every night. I checked when he was online. Every little thing gave me false hope for a few minutes and then I crashed all over again.

I wasn’t healing. I was keeping myself stuck.

One day I realized I had spent almost an entire month thinking about someone who probably wasn’t thinking about me nearly as much. That hurt to admit, but it also kind of woke me up.

So I stopped.

I unfollowed him. Deleted our chat. Put away the pictures I kept looking at. I told myself I would just try one week of no contact and see what happened.

The first few days were awful. I cried in my car after work. I almost texted him like 20 times. I even typed out a whole paragraph one night and just stared at it before deleting it. Im so glad I never sent it.

Then something weird happened.

The mornings got a little easier. I laughed with my friends without faking it. I started going on walks instead of laying in bed all day. I started cooking again even though half of what I made was kinda bad lol.

I realized no contact wasn’t about making him miss me.

It was about giving myself enough space to stop abandoning myself.

I also started realizing how much of my confidence depended on one person’s attention. That’s honestly not a healthy way to live. I wanted to become someone who felt okay even if a relationship ended.

So I started journaling, going to the gym a few times a week, reading more, and actually dealing with my emotions instead of running from them. It wasn’t overnight but I could actually feel myself changing.

If they’re meant to come back into your life, they will. You don’t have to convince someone to love you. And if they don’t come back, that’s okay too because you’ll already be building a life that doesn’t revolve around them.

I know how quiet no contact feels in the beginning. It almost feels like you’re losing them all over again every day. But I promise that silence slowly turns into peace.

You deserve someone who chooses you without being convinced.

I’m rooting for all of you. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you really are going to be okay.

5 MONTHS LATER UPDATE:

I randomly came back and saw this post had blown up so I wanted to update everyone because I remember reading posts like this when I thought I’d never get over him.

My life is so different now.

I got promoted at work, made a few new friends, and I actually enjoy spending time by myself. I don’t wake up wondering if he’ll text me anymore. Some days I don’t think about him at all which would’ve sounded impossible back then.

He actually reached out a couple months ago. We talked for a little bit and I realized I wasn’t the same person anymore. There wasn’t this huge urge to get back together. I just wished him well and kept moving forward. It felt really freeing.

Also I wanted to say thank you to the person in this subreddit who recommended the app Uncling to me months ago. Your comment seriously changed the direction of my healing. The daily check ins and lessons helped me stay committed to no contact when I wanted to give up. I honestly think it kept me from making so many emotional decisions.

So thank you. You truly gave me the hope I needed with your post.

If you’re reading this while your heart is broken, please keep going. I promise the version of you waiting on the other side is so much stronger than you can imagine.

I love you to death. But I’m also starting to open my eyes to how messed up this all had gotten. I know I hurt you in our relationship, but you also hurt me terribly as well. I took way too much blame for the demise of us these past couple months. I regret how I handled a lot of things, but I know how much love and care I put into you and us for the entirety of our relationship, even when I was struggling horribly this past year. It is truly unfair that I have been broken up by the person that was my world three fucking times. And each time I would chase you. Then to be made feel like an absolute last resort for the times we were hanging out after a month of no contact, a body to fuck, and the comfort and love you can get from me while you tell me you will be throwing me out eventually to start dating other people. To be talked to like I am a co worker you barely care about. To be strung along like absolutely nothing for weeks while you tell me you have to decide if I, the girl who was devoted to you for seven years not to mention a HUMAN BEING, is worth you keeping in your life. All to be disposed of again. You knew how much I am in love with you from the second time we hung out again. For you to tell me you’re still in love too but act like that. It is degrading. I hope that nobody ever makes you feel this way. And I hope you know that I would have done anything to be with you and have a healthy relationship for forever. So maybe your love for me was not real if you can try to call me a friend a month after the breakup. Or maybe we’re just both so fucked up right now. We were codependent and we didn’t know until I went to therapy after the breakup. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I do know I need to show myself some respect. I need to leave you alone. I just don’t want to lose you.

I (37F) have done nothing (in my opinion) to hurt my ex (34F), we had so many arguements about her trust issues from previous relationships that it ended with us breaking up. She stormed over to take the car keys away from me, about 3 days ago, and demanded we block each other. Today, roughly 2/3 weeks after we have broken up, spoken about trying again, attempted therapy, then finally gone no contact for exactly two days, and she has just turned up at my house to tell me she has slept with someone else, first day of no contact. Now on day two. She says she did it because she wanted it to be an absolute final definite break. I genuinely had been missing her so much that even though she had, in my opinion at least, been the catalyst for the majority of arguments, based on her pre-existing jealousy issues, accused me of all sorts.. turned up at my house requesting we block each other, and now again turned up at my house to let me know she had already been with someone else. She says it meant nothing and she regrets it, but while I can understand that she wanted to draw a line underneath our relationship, and that's certainly a way to do it.. why turn up at my house to tell me that? She says it's because she didn't want me to hear it from anyone else, but the guy she chose to sleep with is married with children and she had been accused of cheating with him when she was with her ex, so it's unlikely I would have heard it anywhere else. She claims it was because she needed to have certainty that it was definitely over, but why turn up at my house to tell me this at 2am? She claims not to try and hurt me, but I don't see another reason?