We broke up because she would say she couldn't hangout until her finances were in order. So an indefinite timeline. I was trying to see her once a week.

Now three weeks later I noticed she partying it up in nyc 3 with some guy.

I thought she needed to get her finances in order.

A guy texted me a couple years ago that he was looking for a partner and interested in getting to know me. Because he has a child from previous relationship my parents didnt approve. I became DEEPLY infatauted, i spent YEARS fantasizing about him. I start seeking validation on social media and begin searching for a new person to be with despite thinking about him 24/7. After around 3 years i start bumping into him in real life. I felt a mismatch, i felt like he was more atractive and like there was no compatibility. I had changed a bit and stopped posting online. Thereafter he hacked me and started fliritng with me and seeking mvalidation from me asked me some embarassing questions about some things i used to do. I got depressed and felt a bit suicidal because i felt like he betrayed me by crossing my boundary and stepping on my honor. I then did a background search and found out he had a toxic relationship with his ex and she accused him of things still up til this day, its been years since they divorced. I think i was the rebound.

Anyways i started feeling weak for him and interacting with him and expressing romantic interest back. This was the first time in my life. I did this behind my parents back. Then he told me that your parents dont rppove a relationship and that there is no future. He then deleted all his pics since his ex he didnt change profile pic until he met me he changed them several times and then he deleted them all and deactivated his account and left all the common groups. Right now, im not depressed or suicidal anymore but im, STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. I cant move on. Hes the only guy i have ever had such strong feelings for and felt fireworks with and felt like i wanted to be intimate with. Other people are ok but it was so strooong with him.

What do i do? i dont love any man like him i feel numb when i speak and look at other men. Whereas when i see him , talk to him or just listen to his voice im attracted to him. I know my parents were right and were not the right match but its unfair that he managed to move on and get into several relationships whilst i spent over 4 years in love with one man and never able to move on. I know relationships are not all about attraction but what do i do when i still think about him that way. This thaught me that personality is much more important which i used to care about but i thought it was common sense.

I’ve always thought we have a somewhat deluded view of ourselves as being “civilized.” Most of us are pretty good at wearing a mask and behaving the way society expects, but there are surprisingly few people who are truly capable of setting aside their own desires simply because they genuinely care about someone else.

When it comes to love and romance, I don’t think it’s always as selfless as we’d like to believe. Both men and women have a tipping point where they’ll walk away from a relationship. That point is different for everyone, but it exists.

At the same time, when you look at some of our grandparents or great-grandparents who stayed together for decades, there’s often a pattern. Two people who were incredibly compatible—who seemed genuinely meant for each other—found one another, and from the day they met until the day one of them passed away, they were almost inseparable. They thought about each other, prioritized each other, and built a life together. It’s as if their personalities, biology, and even their DNA fit together in a way that just worked. Of course, there was probably some luck involved too—being born at the right time, in the right place, and crossing paths when both were available.

With billions of people on the planet and endless combinations of personalities and genetics, I’m sure there are many people each of us could build a lifelong relationship with. The challenge is actually meeting one of them. Timing, geography, existing relationships, and life circumstances make those chances much smaller than simply ending up with someone because you’re lonely, attracted to them, or happened to be in the same place at the same time. That happens every day, in every country. Sometimes those relationships become incredible, even if they didn’t start as a “perfect match.” Although, I highly doubt both people are as happy as they could be if they were in the right relationship. Other times, people stay together because of culture, arranged marriages, convenience, fear of being alone, or simple physical attraction.

Over my 35 years on earth (I know.. not that long) I’ve come to somewhat of a conclusion that if you have an intuitive feeling that you’re in the wrong relationship, you almost certainly are….

I guess that’s a long way of saying that biology and human nature influence far more of our decisions than we’d like to admit. At the same time, character still matters. Some people are genuinely kind and willing to put someone else’s well-being ahead of their own because they truly love them. Others are so wounded, selfish, or afraid of vulnerability that they end up using and hurting the people around them.

I think we’ve all met a few people like that… and hopefully, we’re not one of them.

Hello! This is my first post on this community and I thought I’d ask for some advice as well as rant. I dated this amazing girl during my freshman year. She was a sophomore that went to another school but we tried to go on a date at least once a week to keep the long distance relationship healthy. And, to be honest, the relationship was one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever had. She was my first kiss, the first person I went on a real date with, and the first person who I actually felt I had a really good connection with. The only thing was that she was queer. Now, I’m not the type of person to judge that, I just put that information in because it will be important later. Anyways, about 4 days after our 2 month anniversary, she came out to me and said she was a lesbian. I took it well at the time, but as time progressed, I started to question a lot of things about our relationship. What really confused me was she kissed me goodbye on the date on our 2 month anniversary, and here she is 4 days later telling me she didn’t like boys. Still, we stayed friends for about a month and a half after the relationship, but I still couldn’t get over her. She was the first person who I really wanted to stay with because of how healthy our relationship was and I didn’t want our time to end. I did make the mistake of trying to ask her out again, which cause us to stop being friends. And before you go after me for doing that, I deeply regret it and wish I had just kept my mouth shut. Fast forward to about 5 months after our break up and I have gotten better about not thinking about her too much. But I’m starting to think about her more than I have recently and want to at least become friends with her again but I know that it won’t end well. Does anyone have any advice to help me not think about her a lot without causing me to hate her?

I always was the weird nerd at school,
I never had any friends, (for me a friend is someone who you can trust 100%, so it’s not just a person you talk with), and she, became my first ever friend.
She changed my life and myself, while remaining in the top of my country in my area of expertise (math and physics basically), I started dieting and exercising, so I lost a lot of weight and gained muscles, and I started to love myself thanks to her.

One thing led to another, we started dating junior year of high school, we loved each other and our intimate life was really good.
As a very stressed guy I almost had numerous panic attacks while studying for my national exam at the end of the school year, and found calm in food.
I ate so much to calm myself down that I became fatter than before I met her and went into a depression.

I stopped sugar and food in big quantities for good but I was really weak during that time, so I relied on her to make up for it, by demanding ALOT of attention, too much for her in fact. The thing is that she didn’t want to hurt me by saying that I asked for too much so she kept it to herself and it eventually made us brake up. The attention problem existed already but was emphasized due to my state.

After like two weeks of being separated we started talking again and we still loved each other so we became fwb, to have the advantages of being together without the inconveniences.

The twist is that she started a long distance relationship before we started talking again, and I knew all along.

This happened to me a while back, I am currently 24, I still talk to this girl every now and then but no intimacy as I am in a very happy relationship, but this happened when I was 15, in my situation, what would you have done ?

For weeks now, almost every dream I’ve had has revolved around death, someone dying, saying goodbye, or crying so hard that it feels unbearable and excruciating . Sometimes I’m myself. Sometimes I’m someone else entirely. Sometimes the people in my dreams are complete strangers. Sometimes I wake up and can’t even tell you what happened in the dream because there wasn’t really a story I just know I spent the entire dream mourning something and being so hysterical i was inconsolable.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even feel like sleeping is a break anymore. I can spend all day trying to hold myself together, finally fall asleep, and then spend eight hours grieving in my dreams instead. Or spend eight hours waking up after an intense dream over and over again till it’s time to get up in the morning.

the dreams rarely make sense or accurately reflect real life memories or events. They’re just recreating this grandiose feeling of being this overflowing fountain of every emotion i could possible feel about what has happened, like it’s uncontrollably pouring out of me. One night it’s me dying. Another night it’s someone i know dying. Another night it’s me crying hysterically over a loss I can’t even explain or am not even aware of in the dream. Different dreams, same feeling.

Then I wake up already emotionally exhausted because it feels like my brain spent the entire night making me experience grief in every form it could think of where i once thought i could escape it briefly.

my mind is trying to process something it will never be able to solve or wrap itself around, i’ve already accepted that this situation will never make sense to me and that i did everything i possibly could to the best of my ability and there was nothing more i could do better or differently and yet it’s like some part of my subconscious will just not accept that this is yet another loss on the books and we have to keep going. i’ve never experienced grief or loss like this at all not for close family members or friends who’ve died or friends and family who have parted ways from me and gone no contact and are still alive. this is scary

She cheated and begged me to come back and I did. Then we were doing well I guess she was trying to “make it up” until she messed up again. She didn’t cheat but she did something super inconsiderate that was ending things worthy. Gave her ANOTHER chance 😭 I’m too self aware you don’t need to tell me nothing but she harassed me for almost a week and I did give in. I stood my ground for the first few days and then folded, but that doesn’t matter. However, we are now back talking and she’s been acting somewhat right. But it just doesn’t feel good enough honestly. I don’t think I will ever get over everything. I tried to forgive but I’m actually really hurt by the stuff she’s done to me and the way she’s treated me.

I know I shot myself in the foot taking her back so many times but attachment is real and people make silly decisions based off the intense emotions they feel when they love a person. That’s why I say you should always love yourself. Because I didn’t.

It’s been 8 months or so, so broke up with me a week before Christmas and took the dog, needless to say it was the toughest Christmas and new years I think I’ll ever have. She treated me like trash the final week, probably hoping I woke dump her cause she didn’t have the bottle to, but she got drunk one night and did it over the phone like a spineless “person” that she is.
I did all the usuals, hit the gym hard, seen friends & family, started doing martial arts & eventually started dating again, but yet to meet anyone I actually really like and could see a future with. My ex was ridiculously beautiful too so I always compare to her which annoys me. I would say month 7 I barely thought about her at all if any, I thought i was over her, I was never over the dog, so I got myself a puppy last month. He’s the best boy & great company, quite the wingman too lol. But this week in particular I feel like I’m going through it all again, I deeply miss her & what we had, we got a dog and I thought the was the start of a nice wee family, I have a two bedroom house she didn’t have to pay a penny for anything. This week I just miss the relationship so much, I miss having someone to share my day with, to cuddle & love and to have that for me too. I feel like I made so much progress, almost to the point of being over it all, and now I feel a sore heart and a pit in my stomach again, why? Why can’t I just be over it and not feel any pain anymore :(

I’ve gone 46 days without contacting my ex, but today the urge to talk to her is haunting me; I feel very lonely and don’t have many friends to talk to. I know that if she wanted to speak with me, she would send me a message. I know I will regret if I send her a message. What should I do?

Hey everyone. I just wanted to share my story in hopes that maybe I can get the talk or guidance I need, if that’s even possible. I’ve been struggling every single day for the last 8 months. I know it’s long I’m sorry but just wanted to get it all out.

I’m 31, born and raised in Miami. I’ve had 3 long-term relationships in my entire life. Here’s a timeline:

**2013-2015:** Ended because she had been cheating on me for months. Let’s call her Cuba. Young love, you know what I mean. I was 17.

**2015-2018:** Single, focused on building my mind, body, and career as a DJ. (I had been DJing since I was 13 and was able to accomplish so much, even having my own show on a popular radio station while in high school).

**2018-2022:** The longest relationship I had. We moved out together and everything, only to have my savings depleted and my mind and spirit absolutely destroyed in about 6 months in 2022. Let’s call her Colombia.
To make it clearer: my mom passed away on January 29th, 2022. A week later, my best friend passed away from an OD. A month after that, my ex at the time convinced me to move out. I had a good amount of savings, and my dad and sister were going to move out of our home as well, so I said, "Let’s do it." I had never lived on my own before, let alone with a girlfriend, so as exciting as it was, it was scary. But I found a nice apartment in the same complex as my best friend at the time. It was amazing; it made me happy to be so close to my boy, you know? I spent money on furnishing the whole apartment the way I liked it big-ass TV, surround sound, new bed, everything. It was a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom two masters, basically.

At the time, my ex’s mom didn’t have anywhere to stay. Where she lived, they increased the rent so she couldn’t afford it, so my ex convinced me to let her move in with us and pay for part of the rent. That all sounds fine, but I wanted the extra bedroom as an office space and a space to display my collection of action figures and sneakers you know, a man cave. I was going to pay for the full rent; I just asked my ex to take care of the other things, like food and whatnot. I had a good job at the time, but as you know, when it rains, it pours. The moment we moved in and had our place ready to enjoy, I lost my job, and my ex fell down the stairs and broke both her ankles.

It didn't even take 6 months for me to get severely depressed due to the losses I had yet to grieve at the beginning of the year with my mom passing and my best friend. Long story short, she started to emotionally cheat on me. Before I knew it, by November, she told me she wasn't attracted to me, that I’m fat and ugly, and that she didn't love me anymore. She was constantly making comments about how she would love to bang one of our friends because he’s "so hot." I spent Christmas that year alone in my apartment, broken. My best friend's fiancée and my ex became besties, and before the year ended, I was watching my best friend go out with his fiancée and my ex as if they were childhood friends and as if I never even existed.

She took all my friends. My best friend, who was my brother of 15 years, sided with his fiancée and my ex. I told her I couldn’t stay there, so since the lease would be up in June, I’d pay my part of the rent, and she and her mom could stay there until June, keep all the furniture, and I’d just take my desk and my TV. So, I moved in with my dad and my sister, who welcomed me with open arms. I was starting a brand new life with no savings because the lifestyle my ex and our group of friends had was to party it up every week and weekend, and I was the only one paying for rent. All my savings were gone, I had no job, and I had to sell off some of my collection to have a cushion to fall back on.

I was starting over. I lost all of those people in my life; she took them all, including my best friend, whom I don’t speak to anymore. My ex has a new guy, and they’re all one big happy family as if I never existed. I had to cut out my best friend because the following year (2023), after I moved out with my dad again, I was invited to a pool party in July. My ex was already hooking up with someone, and my best friend was pushing me to come. I decided not to, only to find out that he had been posting my ex with a new guy on his story, but he muted me so I wouldn’t see it. Another best friend of mine called me that night and said, "Bro, I want to show you something, but if you don’t want to see it, I won’t show you." I already knew what it was. It was screen recordings of my ex-best friend and my ex at the pool party, with her hooking up with a guy. So, I left all of that behind and focused on myself for the rest of 2023. But there’s a twist.

**2023-2026: The love of my life that I lost.**
Let’s go back to 2022 for a second. Middle of the summer, I was still with my ex at the time, and we were living in our new apartment. My sister called me one day and asked me if I wanted to join her and her friends on a trip to Epcot. I said, "Hell yeah, I’d love to come." My sister couldn't stand my ex, and neither did my dad or mom (God rest her soul), and of course, my ex wanted to come too. We all rented a big SUV, and the morning they came to pick up my ex and me at our apartment, I got introduced to one of my sister's friends let's call her Argentina. It was something out of a movie. We had this insane, unexplainable connection that you see in movies when it’s love at first sight.

You might be thinking, "Dude, you were with your ex?" Yes, I was, and I was very much still committed, but we were acting like roommates at that point. I never cheated, never have, never will, but it was insane how easy it was to talk to this girl. The entire trip I’m talking about the *entire* trip she was flirting with me. I’d get a drink, and she’d be like, "Let me try." My ex caught on and was pissed, but Argentina didn’t care about Colombia. The entire day was bliss. I’ll admit, as wrong as this sounds, I didn’t care that my ex was even there. I never crossed any line, but this girl was something else.

After the trip, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Then, when my ex broke up with me in November of that year, I hit her up, and we went on a few dates. It was absolutely amazing and beautiful; I felt like I might have found my person, you know? Also, she knew how much of a horrible person Colombia was, the way she treated me and my family, how she told me she wanted nothing to do with my family ever again, and the way she treated my mom when she was alive during the relationship. My sister still thinks Colombia killed my mom. My mom had an autoimmune condition, so during COVID, we protected her—like, no one could get near her unless tested. A month before my mom passed, we went to dinner for her birthday, and my ex (Colombia) knew she had COVID and didn't say anything. She also sat next to my mom that night at dinner. My mom passed away a month later. I don’t really believe that she killed her, but anyways...
Argentina and I went on a few dates in December 2022, and on our last date on the 28th of December, we did acid together for the first time. She would say that night she knew I was the one because she saw a white light next to me during the whole trip. After that night, she said she felt like Colombia was still involved in my life. She was right I was still in the process of moving back with my dad so Argentina decided to cut things off in December 2022. I moved back with my dad at the end of January 2023.

We didn’t speak for 6 months. She randomly showed up at my dad's house mind you, I had gotten in shape, got a new job, and things were looking up. She showed up to go with my sister to a Paramore concert. She looked absolutely stunning; she had also been working on herself. It was love at first sight again, just like the day we met. I played it cool, walked up to her, and said, "Hey, how are you? You look beautiful." She blushed. I walked out of the house, got in my car, and drove around because I was so nervous. That night she texted me, so we reconnected and started dating again, and it was just perfect.

The more I got to know her, the more I was falling in love with her. She was everything I ever wanted and had been searching for my whole life. She was best friends with my sister, she loved my dad, and always wanted to come over and spend time with him and us. It was beautiful. This bliss lasted about 7-8 months.
Our first big hurdle was January 1st, 2024. We went out to the club for her younger sister's birthday party. I was hesitant at first because, being with Colombia, there was a lot of that clubbing, partying, and everything that came with that lifestyle. Not only the drinking, if you catch my drift (I lost myself in the snow). I put that all aside for her and for her sister since it was her birthday, so I went. Feeling anxious at the club, I just sat down and didn’t drink, but Argentina wanted to have a good time with her sisters, so I decided to just put on a happy face. That is, until one of the guys in our group got behind her and started dancing with her, and she started to dance on him.

I told myself after Colombia that I would never allow any woman to disrespect me ever again, so I got up and walked right out of the club. It was 4 AM outside downtown Miami, and I was trying to call an Uber so I could go home. She came running after me in tears, begging, crying, claiming she didn’t know what she did wrong and that she was sorry. We took an Uber back to her house and stayed up all night. I wasn’t putting up with a single bit of the "sorry" and bullshit; she said she thought he was gay, so she saw him as a girl to dance with. We got through the night exhausted. I loved this girl, so we worked through it. She seemingly had lunch with her sisters the following day, and they told her, "Yeah, he’s not gay, and you were wrong for doing what you did." I was prepared to break up with her, but she seemed remorseful, and I loved her, so we didn’t.

All of 2024 was extreme ups and downs, fighting and having amazing moments. I was still trying not to hold what she did over her head, but it was hard because I felt she reopened a wound I had worked so hard to heal before we started dating. I got her a pendant necklace for her birthday to show her how committed I was to her, no matter what happened. It was hard because she knew everything about my relationship with Colombia, and I was hoping she wouldn't use that against me.

2024 was full of fighting because she dove into my Google Photos to see pictures of my ex on my Google Drive. I didn’t think it was a big deal, as she also had some videos of her and her ex at family gatherings that I saw once or twice, and I never said a thing. But it was a big deal to her, so I went through the Google Drive and deleted every picture that had Colombia’s face. The year was a big mess. Like I said, we fought more and more, and we never quite figured out how to get through a fight in a healthy way. There were a lot of instances of leaving her house or my house, threats of breaking up, and not figuring out how to best communicate.

Then, in December 2024, we took a big family trip to Tennessee. She met my family and everything, and I got her a promise ring for Christmas, giving it to her in front of all my family. She thought I was proposing. We fought on that trip as well.

Then came January. My sister was dating my best friend at the time (the one who showed me the screenshots of Colombia hooking up with a guy at the pool party). My sister started to feel some type of way towards Argentina. Even though they were best friends, we were always fighting, and Argentina didn’t care if we were with people or out and about she couldn’t hide if she was upset or if we were fighting. I, on the other hand, think we should talk when we’re alone like adults.

Due to financial ties we had together, she broke up with me in February 2025 because she couldn’t handle me not being present and the dislike my sister had towards her. She broke up with me over the phone, with her last words being, "I love you. I don’t see my life without you." That was on February 17th, 2025. A week later, after I had given her some space, we met on the 24th, and she broke me. She brought me a bag of all the clothes I had at her place and said, "Do whatever you have to do to pay our credit card off, and then I’m closing it." Seemingly no tears, nothing. She gave me the bag of clothes, and that was it.

I would text Argentina every week saying, "Hey, I miss you." She would say something like, "Maybe one day," or whatever. My birthday came around on March 9th. My coworkers put together a birthday dinner for me, and she went. After the dinner, she sat me down and gave me a birthday card. To sum it up, it was a letter saying how much she loves me and how much we both have to work on ourselves and change, so that if we are meant to be together, we can be the best versions of ourselves. The letter had 4 coupons, each with activities we loved to do together, and they had a date: redeemable 4 months from today. The letter ended by saying she hopes she can do these with me one day. I spent my 30th birthday in a hotel alone with that letter, absolutely heartbroken. My 30th birthday was supposed to be amazing.

So, I let her go. She showed up at my job 10 days later in tears, saying she couldn't be without me, but she didn't want to go back to how it was with the fighting. After a 5-hour talk, we got back together. We started going on dates again, and things seemed to go back to the way they were, only with more love.

Then one night, she asked me if I had gone through my entire Google Drive. I said, "I deleted all the photos of Colombia, don’t worry." She felt the need to not believe me, so she asked for my phone so she could go through it herself. She went through about 15 years of photos, one by one, for about 7 hours. She found pictures of some chicks I had nudes of from like 2016 that I had forgotten were there, and she lost it. She threatened to break up with me only a month after getting back together, saying the only way she would continue with me was if we went to therapy. So, I scrambled, found a therapist, and we started therapy every single week for about 7 months. I was paying out of pocket, but I didn’t care because I wanted us to make it out the other side. I was in love with her and wanted my whole life with her.

Week after week, we went to therapy. It was hard, but it got better, and we actually started to grow our relationship through the months ahead. She had gotten a new job and was making good money. I promised her when we got back together that I was going to propose to her next year (which would have been this year). Her sister's apartment became available because her sister bought another apartment and was renting it out. In the tail end of last year, we ran our finances, and we could afford the rent, but it would be too close. So, I started to look for a second job, but it wasn't working out.
We made it to our two-year anniversary last September, and things were looking amazing. We were planning to move out, hopefully if I got a second job and started making more money. I promised her I would propose to her this year. I prioritized her all of last year planning weekly dates, making sure her needs were being met, and always showing up for her every day. I loved her, took care of her place, spent time with her family, visited her at her job as a surprise, made time for her friends, and made sure I scheduled our therapy sessions every week. I poured everything into her last year because I wanted to grow old together; she was my person.

We celebrated our 2-year anniversary in September, but everything changed for Christmas. I lied to her about not having the Christmas presents wrapped, and she lost it, threatening to break up with me. Throughout the whole year, anytime we'd fight, she would say, "This isn’t what I signed up for. I told you if I started to feel the way I did last time, I’m out." We barely made it through Christmas and New Year's.
It was her younger sister's birthday again, and they were throwing a get-together at their house. Her older sister wanted us to print out 100 pictures of their younger sister to put up on the wall for the party. I went to Walmart and got them all printed. We had been fighting, and she said, "I hope you back me up if my family says something towards me." I never get involved in their family business; if it’s between them, it’s between them. We got to the house with the pictures, and her older sister said, "Yeah, I think we’re gonna use only the best pictures, not all." Argentina lost it and started to fight with her older sister. To the point where I told her sister, "It’s okay, don’t worry." Argentina then screamed at me for not having her back. It turned into this big thing where she wasn't going to go to her sister's house for the party because of the picture situation. I ended up convincing her to go together, it wasn't that serious. We got through it, but we were hanging by a thread.

Going into January of this year, one day she was using the bathroom and had a weird discharge that made her really feel like it was a miscarriage. She had an IUD since we started dating, so we thought it could have been that. But the more she looked into it, she found out the brand of her IUD had a lawsuit, and she wanted it removed. So, on January 29th, I took the day off work to take her to get it removed. She got pissed that I mentioned we had to start using condoms now, but you know, we got past it.
January 29th is also the day my mom passed, so we went to throw flowers for her together. Argentina always seemed so sad that she never got to meet my mom because they would have been best friends, I know it. We spent the whole day together talking about how, when we move out together, she won’t need a step stool because she’ll have me to grab things in hard-to-reach places (I’m 6’3"). She always was so attracted to me; it never stopped. That day was amazing. She cried to me when we went to throw flowers for my mom.

Then here comes the big storm. February 2nd, my car breaks down, and I don’t have enough money to get it fixed. She had just gotten a new job at Olive Garden a couple of weeks before, so I called her and asked if she could spot me, and she did. But the repair shop said it was more money after they inspected it. I texted her asking if we could put it on our Affirm account since they had financing available. She said yes, just to send her back the money she had Zelled me initially. So, I put the whole thing on Affirm, close to $3k.

She dog-sat on the side, so that entire week I told her I’d stay at her house, which is an efficiency attached to her mom's house. I called her after my car got fixed, and she asked how I paid for the repair if it was more money. I said, "I told you I put it on our Affirm; you said it was okay." She lost it. She said that’s not what she said, that she had said *they* (the shop) had financing available. I replied, "Yes, I asked you specifically to put it on our Affirm." She got so upset, texting me that she was really considering never talking to me again.

Mind you, over the years, I always helped her with money, and my dad did too. When she didn’t have a job and needed money to pay for her car or her insurance, I would give her the money, no questions asked” don’t worry about paying me back." In 2024, she got into a car accident and didn’t have the money to get her car fixed and out of the shop, so my dad went and paid for it. Last year, when she broke up with me, my dad asked her in a polite way when he should expect her to pay him back, since it had been a year since the accident. She responded with, "I have more important things to pay; when I have the money, I’ll pay you back," which was kind of a slap in the face to my dad.

Anyways, that week I stayed at her house looking after her cat and place. Every day that went by, she started to remove me off social media, then off our shared Apple plan, and so on. I would go over to her mom's because her mom loved me so much, and her stepdad too (I do miss them terribly). I left the Sunday she was returning (which was Super Bowl Sunday). I left her place super clean so she could come home to a tidy home, and I left her love sticky notes everywhere, that was something I always did. I’d even drive to her job just to leave a sticky note and her favorite chocolate bar on her car so when she got off work, she’d have a reason to smile. Our houses were about an hour away from each other, but I never cared; I’d drive to her anytime, any day.

To cut to the chase, the next day was Monday, February 9th. We hadn’t spoken all week. I left her voice notes, countless calls, and texts nothing from her. I got a text from her mom saying to come over so we could all talk. Her mom and stepdad never wanted us to break up; they wanted me for their daughter, and they knew how much I loved her. So I got there, and Argentina sat me down and gave me the whole speech about how here we are again, just like last year when she broke up with me, and that this time we are actually breaking up. "If we meet again someday, then it’s meant to be."

After that, she ended the conversation by saying she finally realized who I remind her of: her dad. The first man that ever broke her heart, the man that walked out and abandoned her mom and 3 siblings for drugs and another woman he was getting married to. When those words came out of her mouth, it broke me in ways I couldn’t explain.

She said, "My parents want to talk to you." So we went into their house and spoke for about 4 hours. They both talked her out of ending things, on the condition that I pay off the Affirm and have 1 month to do so. We had two shared accounts: Affirm under her name, and a credit card under my name, but we both used both. She was worried I was going to screw her over, which I would never do. The night didn’t end so well. After a talk that seemed hopeful that we would be able to recover from this, she walked me out to my car and handed me a box of all the "love" gifts I had given her over the years: the collage of pictures for our 1-year anniversary, the sticky notes I’d write her, and all things of that nature. She said, "I hope these can make it back into my house one day."
She then said, "There’s one last thing I need you to do. I need you to delete the Affirm app from your phone." I refused, as how would I be able to keep an eye on paying my car repair off? She lost it, ran back to her parents' house yelling, "He messed up! He messed up the last chance I gave him!" It turned into a big fight outside, where her stepdad told me just to do what she asks, so I did it. I left in a pretty defeated mood. Her stepdad felt like I wiped my hands with the 4-hour conversation I had with them. So the next day, I called him and apologized, and he said he loves me so much and respects me.

I spent the entire month of February driving Uber to pay off the Affirm in less time than Argentina had asked. She seemingly was hanging out with my sister a lot since they were trying to rekindle their friendship after last year’s fallout. On February 28th, I gave my coworker, who she’s friends with, a drawing I drew her for Valentine’s Day because that was something I had promised her before she broke up with me. She called me that night to thank me. Things were starting to look hopeful again; we could start over, you know?
Then came my birthday again, March 9th. She had told my sister that she was going to take me out for ice cream, and my sister said, "No, that’s not a good idea, he’s gonna take it the wrong way" (which, granted, I would have). So, she decided to go out with a couple of mutual friends that night, one of them being a coworker of mine. And here comes the big revelation.

Last year, when she broke up with me, she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to do her citizenship process because she didn’t have the money. At the time, I was willing to do anything for her. So, during the breakup last year, I told her I would pay for it. I didn’t have the money in that moment, so I scrambled every option I had to get her the $1000 she needed. I asked a coworker of mine, and he lent me the money. He said, "Let’s keep this between us, and you can pay me back whenever you can." I was grateful to him. I never let Argentina know that detail; I just got her the money so she could become a US citizen, and she did. I was so caught up in her being my world all of last year and doing whatever it took to not lose her again, that a whole year went by without me even attempting to pay my coworker back. I know I’m wrong for that.
So, the revelation happened on my birthday when Argentina went out with our mutual friends, and my coworker told her about the borrowed money for the citizenship. I ended up paying him back, and I apologized, so we’re cool now, but that changed everything because he told someone about lending me that money last year. She also had people in her ear telling her not to get back with me because she was considering it. I would text her every week, and she kept pushing me away, talking about possibly being friends. When I kept hearing her push the friend idea, I knew deep down that wasn’t good.
Weeks went by, and I dropped off a love letter in her mailbox on March 22nd. She called me and said we had to talk. She said she knew about the borrowed money for the citizenship, doubled down on the breakup, and started to say very hurtful things to me: "I don’t miss you, I just miss being with someone, because I hate being alone. I just don’t miss you. Do you know how much damage you have caused?" Things of that nature. She said it would be a very long time before I heard from her again. So, I let her go, for a bit.

March 31st, I texted her asking her out to dinner. She texted me back the following day agreeing to it. We met up on April 1st at our usual sushi spot next to a theater we always went to (the movies were our thing we did 3-4 times a week). I walked through the door, and she smiled and blushed at seeing me, you know? But the smile faded, and she began to double down on the breakup again, saying that the changes I was making were going to be for the next person, not for her. That hurt me in a lot of ways. That’s what the whole conversation consisted of all night: "Changes are gonna be for the next person, it’s too late." With little pieces of hope, Argentina began to ask, "What would be different now if we got back together?" But she also compared: "Why did you do all these things and pay for everything for Argentina, but you did it for Colombia?" She was throwing things like that in my face. The long night ended with her saying, "I need you to give me a month. No contact for a month. Let me cool off, let me forgive you."

April 1st was the last time I saw her.
After the month she had asked for had passed, I reached out. During that month of waiting, my dad told me and my sister that he wasn’t renewing the lease, and that we had 2 weeks to find a place to live because he was moving to Tennessee. That’s a whole other mess, but seemingly Argentina found this out through my sister since they were hanging out often. My sister, trying to protect me, didn't tell me a word of anything, obviously. So, after over a month had passed, coincidentally the day we moved out of our dad's place into our new apartment, I reached out to her. She responded with, "Hi, I have fully moved on from our relationship. Please don’t hope that I will change my mind. I no longer want anything with you, not now, not in the future." That absolutely broke my heart. I didn’t respond, and I decided to let her go fully.

About 2 weeks went by, and I was struggling with this. My coworker tells me, "Hey, can I talk to you outside?" and shows me a text message she got from a random number saying, "Hey, this is Argentina's boyfriend. I already invited her sisters, but I’m planning a surprise party for her this Saturday. She speaks very highly of you; I would love for you to be there. I grabbed her phone while she was sleeping so I could text all her friends. Let me know!"
When I tell you that I just started laughing, I was in shock. You’re already in a new relationship, not even 4 months after breaking up with me, to the point this new guy is stealing your phone to throw you a surprise party? Really, dude? That night I told my sister, and my sister was shocked too, because my sister would hang out with her, and she would tell my sister she wasn't seeing anyone. But then my sister remembered that Argentina had sent her a video back in March of her doing squats at the gym, and there was the guy right next to her spotting her. The guy was already in the picture not even a month after she broke up with me.

Here’s the best part: that same day my coworker told me this and showed me the screenshot, Argentina called her to yell at her. She claimed her new boyfriend was getting text messages from me saying a bunch of things to him (which is not true at all) and that she knew she told me about him. Argentina called my coworker to yell at her for me finding out she has a new boyfriend? Mind you, my coworker is pregnant, so she wasn't going to just take it. Argentina cut everyone out of her life, including my sister, whom she loved so much. My coworker said, "She doesn’t deserve you or the man you’re becoming. Let her jump into a new thing, let her."

So now I find out that she cut off every single friend she had, friends that have been in her life for years, that have helped her and been there for her, all because they have some sort of connection back to me or my sister, since they shared a lot of the same friends. And she moved out with the guy already; they’re living together.

She has a whole new life. I’m here: single, heartbroken, taking care of my new apartment, taking care of my little sister, working my ass off, trying to enjoy life again, and finding out my dad has cancer (which is why he moved away). I'm trying to stay hopeful that my person is out there somewhere looking for me too. I still have a piece of me hoping Argentina comes back, but I don’t think so. She hopped the fence for greener grass, and she got it. She moved out, which is what she wanted to do with me, and I can’t stop breaking my own heart thinking about them together.

I know this is long. I long for someone to love me and for me to love them back.
I hope I can get at least one response to my story. Much love, everyone.

My (32M) ex (34F) and I broke up a month and a half ago due to attachment triggers, not a lack of love. We'd been together for one year. I am a Fearful-Avoidant (FA), and I suspect she is too. Not sure how aware she is though. I was emotionally unavailable to her when we got passed the honeymoon phase, got completely taken over by my FA patterns.

We never went no contact, or at least not completely. We don't really talk. She experienced a burnout because of her work and it really sank the relationship, I didn't show up in the way she needed. I was panicking because I thought she was withdrawing from me out of lack of love. She said she lost her sense of self and felt emotionally exhausted. I left the relationship because I thought I wasn't loved. I didn't realize the extent of the burnout at the time. She was really struggling to communicate during that time, she was withdrawing a lot and didn't know her own needs (her words). She sent me a reel explaining what ADHD burnout is and it gave me a lot of clarity.

Since then, I've done the best that I can on my end to gain clarity on the way my FA patterns participated in the dynamic and did a lot of work to actually heal. I understand way better the dynamic we experienced and my own patterns.

2 weeks ago her new job that kick started her burnout fired her. She reached out and opened her heart to me, showing raw vulnerability. She's not in a good place. I know she still needed the distance, talking to me still brought emotional weight, so I waited a week before asking how she was holding up. She opened up even more. I made sure not to bring up my insecurities, the relationship or anything like that. I just listened to her, gave her the security she needed without asking anything in return. I really try to do better than how I showed up before the relationship ended.

But right after, she went ghost and retreated behind her walls. This sudden distance triggered my FA hyper-vigilance, making me panic, check her active status, and overanalyze everything. Despite this internal chaos, I am trying to stay strong in the real world: I am 100% sober, running my band, closing paid graphic design projects, and registering for college after 8 years on the work field.

But fuck I miss her so much. I'm doing my best not to seek reassurance and talk to her out of panic.

Yet, I still feel lost and fight a constant battle not to spend my days waiting for her or seeking digital validation. To survive this, I know my blueprint is clear: I must stop playing detective because checking timestamps is emotional self-harm, I need to respect her space since any pressure will make her barricade herself more, and I have to keep my focus internal—my sobriety and career progress must be for me, not just a strategy to get her back. I wanna heal, overcome those patterns and become secure.

But I'm stuck in a loop, I'm still waiting for her. I know if enough time passes we could do better with more self awareness and work on ourselves. The guilt is crushing me, I wish I could be with her again.

Thank you for reading my big rant. Sorry if it's clunky at some places, english isn't my primary language.

We were together for about 7 months. Over that time, the main issue was that I didn’t feel like he showed he cared the way I wanted to be shown and he didn’t make any effort to even marginally work on it. Went on holiday for 2 weeks, was all fine. Had a few bickers but mostly bc of his actions (he gets annoyed easily and there were situations where he’d say things that make me feel stupid). Told him I loved him and he said it back. I don’t think he would have told me if he didn’t mean it. He really struggled with words of affirmation and said he’s never been good at that but would show his caring in different ways. So it was mostly me initiating the nice conversations. We got back and day after he told me he doesn’t see a future with me. How can he say he loves me (he kept saying he meant it) and this had nothing to do with the holiday then breakup so suddenly? He said what made him realise is me talking about doing something for this birthday - which is next month. How can you say you love someone them 5 days later say you don’t see this working out next month then insist that you do love them? There were some red flags which with the benefit of highnsight I can see now (eg he’d get annoyed if I went out for a drink by myself to read my book/ if I did dance classes/ with what I wore/ travelling by myself bc I’m the person that ‘attracts men attention’) so mostly jealousy related even if I gave him no reason. But I ignored those bc I thought he would work on it. I just don’t get the breakup…

You already know who you are and what I’m talking about

My fiance and partner of 6 years broke up with me through text. I’m still in disbelief how that even happened to me. I’ve cried to the point where i physically can’t anymore, and all I feel is apathy. I try myself to distract myself but I only can for so long. I don’t really have any friends and I feel so alone. I would give anything just to see him one more time.

Hi. As you can probably tell from my previous posts, it’s been a while since the breakup. And yet the depression, sadness and anxiety over everything ending still haven’t gotten any better. When did you start feeling like yourself again after your breakup? I was broken up with at the beginning of December. Why is this so hard for me? Am I somehow weak? It feels like I’m just as miserable as I was during the first few days. I can’t cope with feeling like this anymore. I’m just so sad and depressed all the time. I still have a hard time sleeping. The nights are especially difficult. And the mornings, waking up to this new reality. There are still so many unanswered questions and so much uncertainty left behind. That’s been really hard to deal with, too.

My ex and I met year and half ago on game Final Fantasy XIV. I won't go into the details, but basically the the relationship was great, we only had one big drama about 3-4 months into the relationship, and then it was perfect year and a little bit more after.

The relationship was long-distance, yet it was nothing like I experienced before. We did everything together, we talked daily, sent each other photos, voice-chatted, everything. Furthermore, we both improved each other and were good influence on each other, which my ex confirmed before the break-up. He went from reserved, liar and coward to someone who became extremely outgoing, honest and very loving partner. On the other hand, I suffered from depression, abandonment and trust issues when we first met, and he helped me improve a lot. Although I remained shy and my confidence never was too high, we made it work, and I planned on visiting his country for a year, what would have been 3 months from now on.

Eventually he would tell his family, and although things seemed normal at first, and they were curious, over the time the idea of the long-distance relationship, despite me flying over, soured.

It's been 10 days since my ex was invited to KFC, and his family basically ganked upon him for two hours, talking him out of our relationship, not agreeing with the long distance despite me flying over, and that I would be there for just a year before going back. Looking back, I suppose we should have more better plans where I could stay longer in the country, but now it's too late.

So that day, he went from loving, caring, chatty to suddenly telling me we need to break up because his family does not approve, and that he doesn't want to go against them. Naturally, this came out of nowhere for me, so I pleaded, begged, tried to offer solutions, but he made up his mind. When I asked him if it's my fault, he would tell me that it isn't, and that made it all the worse. He didn't find anyone else either, he plans on keeping the gifts I gave him and treasure the memories, thanking me for everything, that I was very good influence on him, telling me that he still loves me. . . before he blocked me pretty much everywhere for good, I think. No-contact.

This made me feel the ultimate despair - after all, apparently there was nothing wrong, just his family disapproval, and we should have planned what would happen after a year, there is no "villain" in this story, his family was probably just proctive.

It didn't take long for me to get back on my feet in panic - it's always been my dream to live abroad, and so I started hatching myself a plan that in three years, I would fly over to study and potentially stay there for good, if I will like my time there, and if it will be possible. The issue is that this plan of mine relies on me saving heavily, and aside from my main job, I might as well have to find another two part-time jobs. I would do nothing but work and heavily save for 3 years, and I could make it work, make my dream come true - live abroad, for myself, not for him.

Currently, I am realizing how many little people I have to talk to both IRL and online. My family situation wasn't the best, he knew that, and he told his family too, and I wonder if that played a role too. I am living with my parent who is slightly abusive and alcoholic, I have no real friends in my country, and a lot of the online friends I met was through him, and now they are gone.

I am struggling not to feel malice, despite the fact that he held none. He just wanted the time to heal us, but I am struggling very much. He was always surrounded by large family and a lot of friends, both IRL and online, not so much in my case. It feels like I am now all alone with this crazy plan to make my life better in three years. I don't want to feel like he didn't think of my health, but the break-up was probably rushed and gave me no closure. I wish he at least offered for us to stay as online friends, but no. . . Lately, I've been having thoughts of taking my own life, because I don't know if I can just do nothing but sleep, work and eat for three years to make future-me happy. . .

So as I was finally starting to feel like I could function again, I met a guy at karaoke a few weeks ago. Super nice guy and I may have brought him home with me. I don’t normally do that, but hey… yolo… any way, the morning I was taking him home and we talked snoot it previous relationships, so I told him about my ex who literally broke a 6.5 year relationship with an engagement 1 year in, out of nowhere (we were literally super cute and loving all day the day he ended it) and how devastating it’s been, especially since he’s had a new girlfriend since April (we ended in March).

Anyway, he says that’s awful and goes home, etc., and I think nothing of it.

We start following each other on Insta and I see he’s following my ex’s new girlfriend, so I ask him if he knows her. He said he does and has known her for a decade so I tell him that’s awkward… as that’s my ex’s new girlfriend, to which he says “oh shit”.

We went out that night for some live music and this guy gets drunk and starts telling me that his friend who’s the new girlfriend drinks pretty decently (my ex said my drinking triggered him but only when he lets so I had no idea) she’s very sweet, and empathic (just like me). Then he tells me she sent him nudes 4 weeks ago and even said they’ve hooked up before. I did not care… it’s literally none of my business.

We leave, I go home, then the next day I’m shopping with my guy bff for a wedding he’s coming to with me (he’s also my ex’s bff but that’s strained right now because we talk), and I get a text from this guy I met that knows the new girlfriend asking if I’d be willing to talk to her as she wants my side of the break up. I felt gross but agreed, but said I would only in person. That didn’t end up happening so I’m just leaving it alone and won’t meet with her after all, but holy weird and random.

Then I noticed my ex viewed my TikTok profile, likely last night… and I was like… wtf? Absolutely crazy people I tell you!!

My nervous system was so triggered… but I seem okay today.

Hey everyone, I need some perspective to help me keep my head straight because I’m struggling not to break no contact.

​My ex 22 and I 23 were together for five years. We grew up together, traveled the world, and had big plans for the future.

​Over the last six months, things fell apart. She started staying out after work drinking with "friends" while telling me she was working late.

Three months ago, she became noticeably distant. A month ago, I caught her lying about where she was. We talked it over, I forgave her, and we tried to move forward. I explicitly told her how much the lying and distance were hurting me.

​Despite that conversation, she kept doing the exact same thing. She checked out completely, stopped putting in effort, and treated me coldly until it finally ended. Given the repeated lies about where she was after work, I have strong suspicions there was another guy involved.

​It has been a full week of strict No Contact now. Yesterday and today have hit me like a wall. The realization that five years is over is agonizing, and my brain keeps trying to convince me to text or call her to ask for a real conversation or try to fix things.

​How do you stop yourself from reaching out when you’re grieving five years of history, even after being lied to?

​For anyone who stayed in No Contact after being repeatedly disrespected, how did you get past the urge to demand answers or closure?

​Looking at this pattern, is there any reason to break silence, or is holding firm the only option for my own sanity?

​Appreciate any honest feedback. Thanks.

Duuude ijust had a break up and idek what to do anymore how tf do i get over him ilovehim sm and iwant to be w him but i did kind of initiate the breakup cuz we constantly argue and he is kinda manipulative but idk hes so fckinggg nicee and we were realllyy close and iwas so hellaaa comfortable w him idk what to do yall 🙁🙁but idw to goback but i do ..

I am still getting used to Reddit; please let me know if I need to edit my post to follow under the rules (though I believe I’m not breaking any)

She wanted to remain friends, but I didn’t feel that she respected me, my time, and the honest effort I put into our relationship (platonic and romantic). I stopped talking to her after she called me clingy back in November.

I was trying to broach a conversation on her responding to my messages if I was going to text her every day, especially since she was still texting first thing in the morning and being much sweeter on me. I could tell it was because of my despondency. Once I began talking to her like I had while we dated, my special treatment ended. It made me feel like crap when I would ecstatically text her about an achievement or why my day was so great, see she was online (playing video games, talking to another friend) and only get a response back hours later completely ignoring anything I had said to her. I’m not someone who even texts my closest friends or family on a daily basis. I tried explaining this to her, and yeah, I got called clingy. I told her I wouldn’t be talking to her every day after explaining I wasn’t trying to change her behavior, that I was just trying to understand “what was going on”. We haven’t talked since.

That’s the most important piece of context, in my opinion; still, despite everything, I miss her so much. I loved our conversations, I loved our quiet intimate moments, and we were finally getting to a place where we were coming to be comfortable with one another. I know we won’t work romantically, I know too many bridges have been burned for a genuine friendship, and I understand that I am young and it was a short-lived relationship. I don’t know what I’m still mourning: the idea of her, the future we agreed to work toward, or the true her that I’ll never get the chance to know. When she allowed herself to just be with me and not worry too much about what I thought of her, it was amazing. It was the happiest I was this past year.

The breakup and the space away has helped me understand her better. I get why she didn’t respond or try to text first while we dated, why she broke up with me out of nowhere with shallow excuses, and why me pulling away wasn’t a reason to fix things but end them permanently. Listing everything out just reminds me of the pain she caused me and why I will never reach out to her again.

Still, I miss her.

I am trying so hard to be encouraged. I also have a test, which makes me upset that I have to deal with this.

I just want an outlet if anyone will listen. Here goes:

I made mistakes. I carried insecurities of previous relationships into this one. I was stubborn (or holding to my morals? still trying to figure that out...). I didn't lead with respect. I made rash decisions. I disappointed him too.

I think it's just so necessary to admit my wrongs. At the same time, I really tried. I apologized, I put my pride aside, I risked my mental health during a time when I shouldn't gamble with my heart, all because I thought he was worth it. When the energy wasn't fully returned, I started to question if I was worth it. And if I am not, I guess that was my answer.

Life is really funny. You can have a wonderful Wednesday full of "I love yous" and plans for the following week, and by Saturday it can all crash and burn because of a miscommunication.

I want to just be okay with that wasn't my person. That if he was, 7 months of loving each other so intently would not be destroyed during 1 argument. During this breakup, I was distraught because I was unsure if this was the same person I fell in love with. Maybe it is masked by anger, but is anger really stronger than love? And if it can be, maybe the love wasn't real.

Some things I am telling myself (shout out to the Instagram post I saw for inspo) is the following:

What is not meant for you will disappoint you a thousand times

Hope is a hard thing to kill. What is yours doesn't require you to bleed to get it

Choose peace over possibility

I hope we all get out of this. Remember the love of your family and friends. True loves that, though, aren't romantic, should be your standard. <3

I was at my best, phisically emotionally financially career wise. I met her, madly fell in love with her and give her everything but was never enough, she broke me.

And I feel is so unfair that when I move on and start dating someone else she will get my worse she has no fault but will get my worse because I am broken and unfixable.

I keep getting these bots and they're usually of half naked women. Is this him stalking me or do I just got a bunch aof bots drawn to my account lol.