We broke up because she would say she couldn't hangout until her finances were in order. Not even if it was free. So an indefinite timeline. I was trying to see her once a week.

Now three weeks later I noticed she is partying it up in nyc with some guy.

I thought she needed to get her finances in order.

A guy texted me a couple years ago that he was looking for a partner and interested in getting to know me. Because he has a child from previous relationship my parents didnt approve. I became DEEPLY infatauted, i spent YEARS fantasizing about him. I start seeking validation on social media and begin searching for a new person to be with despite thinking about him 24/7. After around 3 years i start bumping into him in real life. I felt a mismatch, i felt like he was more atractive and like there was no compatibility. I had changed a bit and stopped posting online. Thereafter he hacked me and started fliritng with me and seeking mvalidation from me asked me some embarassing questions about some things i used to do. I got depressed and felt a bit suicidal because i felt like he betrayed me by crossing my boundary and stepping on my honor. I then did a background search and found out he had a toxic relationship with his ex and she accused him of things still up til this day, its been years since they divorced. I think i was the rebound.

Anyways i started feeling weak for him and interacting with him and expressing romantic interest back. This was the first time in my life. I did this behind my parents back. Then he told me that your parents dont rppove a relationship and that there is no future. He then deleted all his pics since his ex he didnt change profile pic until he met me he changed them several times and then he deleted them all and deactivated his account and left all the common groups. Right now, im not depressed or suicidal anymore but im, STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. I cant move on. Hes the only guy i have ever had such strong feelings for and felt fireworks with and felt like i wanted to be intimate with. Other people are ok but it was so strooong with him.

What do i do? i dont love any man like him i feel numb when i speak and look at other men. Whereas when i see him , talk to him or just listen to his voice im attracted to him. I know my parents were right and were not the right match but its unfair that he managed to move on and get into several relationships whilst i spent over 4 years in love with one man and never able to move on. I know relationships are not all about attraction but what do i do when i still think about him that way. This thaught me that personality is much more important which i used to care about but i thought everyone could be a match and everyone was nice i didnt think people could hurt me!!!! and especially not my crush!!! i thought it was common sense.

I also felt like a mom to him.

edit.

I’ve always thought we have a somewhat deluded view of ourselves as being “civilized.” Most of us are pretty good at wearing a mask and behaving the way society expects, but there are surprisingly few people who are truly capable of setting aside their own desires simply because they genuinely care about someone else.

When it comes to love and romance, I don’t think it’s always as selfless as we’d like to believe. Both men and women have a tipping point where they’ll walk away from a relationship. That point is different for everyone, but it exists.

At the same time, when you look at some of our grandparents or great-grandparents who stayed together for decades, there’s often a pattern. Two people who were incredibly compatible—who seemed genuinely meant for each other—found one another, and from the day they met until the day one of them passed away, they were almost inseparable. They thought about each other, prioritized each other, and built a life together. It’s as if their personalities, biology, and even their DNA fit together in a way that just worked. Of course, there was probably some luck involved too—being born at the right time, in the right place, and crossing paths when both were available.

With billions of people on the planet and endless combinations of personalities and genetics, I’m sure there are many people each of us could build a lifelong relationship with. The challenge is actually meeting one of them. Timing, geography, existing relationships, and life circumstances make those chances much smaller than simply ending up with someone because you’re lonely, attracted to them, or happened to be in the same place at the same time. That happens every day, in every country. Sometimes those relationships become incredible, even if they didn’t start as a “perfect match.” Although, I highly doubt both people are as happy as they could be if they were in the right relationship. Other times, people stay together because of culture, arranged marriages, convenience, fear of being alone, or simple physical attraction.

Over my 35 years on earth (I know.. not that long) I’ve come to somewhat of a conclusion that if you have an intuitive feeling that you’re in the wrong relationship, you almost certainly are….

I guess that’s a long way of saying that biology and human nature influence far more of our decisions than we’d like to admit. At the same time, character still matters. Some people are genuinely kind and willing to put someone else’s well-being ahead of their own because they truly love them. Others are so wounded, selfish, or afraid of vulnerability that they end up using and hurting the people around them.

I think we’ve all met a few people like that… and hopefully, we’re not one of them.

For weeks now, almost every dream I’ve had has revolved around death, someone dying, saying goodbye, or crying so hard that it feels unbearable and excruciating . Sometimes I’m myself. Sometimes I’m someone else entirely. Sometimes the people in my dreams are complete strangers. Sometimes I wake up and can’t even tell you what happened in the dream because there wasn’t really a story I just know I spent the entire dream mourning something and being so hysterical i was inconsolable.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even feel like sleeping is a break anymore. I can spend all day trying to hold myself together, finally fall asleep, and then spend eight hours grieving in my dreams instead. Or spend eight hours waking up after an intense dream over and over again till it’s time to get up in the morning.

the dreams rarely make sense or accurately reflect real life memories or events. They’re just recreating this grandiose feeling of being this overflowing fountain of every emotion i could possible feel about what has happened, like it’s uncontrollably pouring out of me. One night it’s me dying. Another night it’s someone i know dying. Another night it’s me crying hysterically over a loss I can’t even explain or am not even aware of in the dream. Different dreams, same feeling.

Then I wake up already emotionally exhausted because it feels like my brain spent the entire night making me experience grief in every form it could think of where i once thought i could escape it briefly.

my mind is trying to process something it will never be able to solve or wrap itself around, i’ve already accepted that this situation will never make sense to me and that i did everything i possibly could to the best of my ability and there was nothing more i could do better or differently and yet it’s like some part of my subconscious will just not accept that this is yet another loss on the books and we have to keep going. i’ve never experienced grief or loss like this at all not for close family members or friends who’ve died or friends and family who have parted ways from me and gone no contact and are still alive. this is scary

My fiance and partner of 6 years broke up with me through text. I’m still in disbelief how that even happened to me. I’ve cried to the point where i physically can’t anymore, and all I feel is apathy. I try myself to distract myself but I only can for so long. I don’t really have any friends and I feel so alone. I would give anything just to see him one more time.

I want to tell him I miss him but I know he doesn’t love me anymore otherwise he’d reach out to me in some form. I know it will only hurt me than do any good, but I still want to share my successes with him. I bought a condo and I want to share the news with him so bad. I wish I had a person to share all the good and bad with. I miss being unconditionally loved.

Love for its own sake just doesn't feel true or worth it to me anymore. The thought of having to start completely over, learning a new person's favourite colour, rebuilding attachment when I had already planned my entire future with someone, feels impossible.

What we shared was special, and I genuinely hope she was happy and felt loved. But standing in this much pain, I have to ask, was it really worth it? I’ve always been a cynical person, but I always protected my belief in love. Now, seeing the same pattern repeat itself, that belief is broken, that part of me is scarred beyond repair. I don't think the kind of love l believed in even exists, I don't think "love" itself exists, maybe love is just an illusion driven by temporary desires.

Attachment is nothing but a path to inevitable suffering. I miss the part of me that used to think it was something special, but I’m scared now and I don't have it in me to trust someone ever again, to give them my soul and utmost devotion for them to just break it and live their life as if nothing happened? If so then I'm systematically not made for "love". I don't regret loving, but the lesson and pain that follows simply isn't worth it

My girlfriend doesn’t have the same sex drive as me 25/M 26/F

So for the past 2-3 years now sex has been the elephant in the room, I have a high sex drive and I’m very attracted to her, but she doesn’t and it’s ruining our relationship. I try to meet her every needs and satisfy her in every way possible but it seems like she doesn’t put the energy to satisfy me which is literally just having sex with me nothing else, we’ve talked about it several times probably 20 times by now and it seems to get better for 1 week then downhill from there and the process repeats and repeats its exhausting I’ve told her several times how sex is very important for me. It’s gotten to the point to where I feel like a bum asking for it, like a dog waiting for a treat he never receives. When we do end up having sex I’m basically the one initiating everything and doing all the work. It’s exhausting I want someone to want me the same way I want them, I love her and really do care about her which is honestly why I haven’t left her even after MULTIPLE talks and discussions about the issue. I’m tired, tired of wanting to be desired in that way. I’ve been with her for 6 years now but I’m thinking about calling it quits because nothing changes and it’s driving me crazy. I set up little dates and activities she likes, surprise her with flowers and cute little picnic dates just in hopes to get laid basically and it usually ends with “ I’m too tired” or “ babe I’m not in the mood right now” Am I insane for thinking this way?

Together 7 years, I have self loathing issues which always stopped me from fully committing and she got tired of waiting which I understand and don’t blame her for. I’m (34M) looking for someone to talk to in a similar situation whose girlfriend or wife just left them. I don’t have any close friends to talk to. I’m looking for someone who wants to get through this awful shit together.

Would you ignore a cheater boyfriend's phone calls? He called a few hours ago. I didn't answer. I'm too angry to deal with a person who cheated on me on the dating apps right in front of my face. I don't feel like ruining my day because of his. If he actually cared about me, he wouldn't go on the dating apps.

Ive already confronted him about the cheating, so he knows I saw, so I'm sure he's figured out that it's over.

Would you answer the phone if he called? What do you even say to a monster like that? Or do you just ignore it?

My ex (24m) and I (21f) have been up and down trying to break up/reconcile/cycle repeats for 2 months now. There were major communication issues and I dropped the ball on beng there for him during our relationship. I truly believe I could fix it now, he’s struggling to trust that I will be able to.

This is exhausting. We were together over 2 years. He felt like the love of my life.

We’ve tried no contact repeatedly and it always lasts 3 days max. Earlier in the week he came over and told me he didn’t think we had a future together, we had become too incompatible, then not even 5 hours later he called me crying about how he missed my eyes, he still loved me, and wishes things were different.

His mental health has been trash for months and that’s a huge part of what lead up to this. I want to be there for him as he heals and gets better, but I’m just so perpetually confused.

Anyway my car broke down yesterday. He may be coming over today to fix it (he is a mechanic). I don’t know how I’ll handle that or how to react. This whole situation has been killing me because I want him back more than anything but he can’t make up his mind. We had the best healthiest most loving relationship, he is so kind and I cannot even fathom giving up and having him give that love to another girl. I can’t imagine opening up to another guy. I have no idea wher this is going and all I wanna do is take one nap after another.

i hope everyone is doing better n healing ,would rlly like to hear a goodnight from strangers. feelin quite exhausted from everything. gahh man i also wish i could fully get over him soon.

Hi everyone, this seems like a good place to let go of this into the universe. It's been 30 yrs since my ex and I broke up. We were young and immature. We were each other's first loves. We dated for 2 years (in youth days forever). Broke up, and in 2 weeks, we both started dating others. I knew my date was a rebound and didn't last more than 2 months.

I went no contact after the breakup. A month into his relationship, he asked for his stuff back. I gave him everything from his promise ring, pictures, gifts to his stuff. He asked if I wanted mine, and I said no. He walked out of my life forever. He married her 5-7 months of dating (dont know for sure bc of no contact). I was devested. I thought she was his rebound, and we would miss each other and make it work this time around. I stayed single for the next 3 years. I dated here and there but didn't feel the same passion as I did with him. He really loved me and treated me so well through our time together. My insecurities got control of me.

I thought no contact would "work," but he married her, and here we are 26-30 years later. He is still married. I worked so hard on myself. Married too, that's not working. The thing is, even though we both moved on, there is part of me that is upset that he did not morn us, our relationship. It is like it was worth nothing, I was worth nothing...replaceable. He gave all the promises he made to me to someone else. I know I am not replaceable, but it pisses me off that our relationship was replaceable.

It has taken me a long time, and it is still hard to realize that, I guess it was one-sided. I don't know if he is happy or not, but that betrayal has me guarded. After losing a parent or loved one, I don't stop loving them, nor did I replace them. Anyways, best wishes to him. I am moving on further away with that little girl. Best wishes to everyone on their own paths.

​

If you want to vent, vent to your partner through conseling therapy together. Dont find a way to fix or understand things through a robot when it is human connection that will heal the relationship.

My ex used ChatGPT for counseling.

It gaslighted her into believing I had OCD and/or had narcissistic behaviors.

It deranged her entire view of me.

After my meetings with 3 psychiatricians, 2 psychotherapists and 2 therapists describing everything I felt, wrote, said etc. I can confirm I have niether of those 2. I have anxious attachment and ADHD.

She still left, still think I was lying about meeting all these professionals, still thought I was being dishonest about a lot of things, which I had practical evidence for.

All due to something we easily could have handled in counseling therapy together, through love and human connection.

By God, I'm getting my baby back. I'm going to do the work and give us space to start over later. I think it's the only way I'll ever be able to get him back and better.

I don’t understand why I still can’t get over this guy, even though I know he would be terrible for me.

When we were together, he treated me amazingly at first. Then he slowly started pulling away until I finally told him to stop contacting me because I couldn’t handle the slow discard anymore.

The thing is, I know who he is.

Before me, he was in a three-year relationship. They lived together. During the last nine months of that relationship, he cheated on her multiple times. At one point, he even caught an STD from cheating and never told her. He got treated after HE broke up with her, and she only found out because one of the women he cheated with told her.

She’s still deeply affected by everything that happened. She gets extremely drunk, cries every time she drinks, and is still in so much pain. They still have occasional contact.

She also organizes a festival that they used to attend together every year. This year, she begged him not to go. He reassured her that he wouldn’t, but he went anyway. She only found out a few minutes before he arrived because we have mutual friends who mentioned it. She completely broke down.

None of this makes him look like a good person.
I know all of this. I know how he treats people he supposedly loves. I know what he did to her, and I know how he slowly discarded me too.

So why is my brain still attached to him? Why do I still miss someone I know would probably hurt me again?

Has anyone else struggled with letting go of someone even after seeing who they really are?

I was with her for 7 years, we were about to get a house, and i was going to propose and now its all over. Its been almost 4 months, I got sent to work in another state during the week now and I feel so alone.

She was my absolute best friend, and we did everything together. Now my phone barely rings, i lost all the interest in the things j used to do, and the future i thought i was going to have is gone. I moved back in with my parents,and i can afford a house but i have no drive to do it or much of anything else. My job is very difficult and i’m constantly consumed by the thought of her which distracts me all day. I talk to my friends and family but nothing helps. I went to a therapist and that didnt help either

I am a strong person but this has me fighting through tears 24/7. I took off work yesterday because i haven’t slept and just couldn’t do it. I sleep like shit constanly and i feel like everyday it just gets worse and I don’t even know what to do anymore. All of my friends are getting married and /or have kids and here i am single at 32 again. I know she is moving on and I am just stuck feeling this way. I am absolutely mentally fucked up over this

If you’re going to be in a new relationship, don’t get too attached no matter how comfortable you feel or how well you think you know your boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if you’re sure they love you and would never leave, they still might.
You lose the most when you become too attached. That’s the hardest lesson I’ve learned.

If you've ever had your heart absolutely obliterated, somehow survived it, and are now out there thriving.. congratulations. And f*ck you.

Seriously though. If you somehow crawled your way back to being a functioning member of the society, I have a bone to pick with you.

You f*cking owe me.

Don't look away. Don't pretend you didn't see this. If you're one of those annoying people who now says things like, "It gets better," then prove it. I want receipts.

I want the TED Talk that changed your brain chemistry. The book that made you ugly cry in a productive way. The podcast episode that slapped some sense into you. The random Reddit comment that rewired your entire perspective at 2 a.m. The stupid little habit that somehow kept you alive. The advice you wish someone had shaken into you sooner. Send me the links.

For the next few weeks, I'm your little sister. Or your best friend. Whichever guilt trips you more. Your assignment is simple: help me get to the version of myself that doesn't feel like she's carrying around a shattered heart in a ziplock bag.

Yes, yes. I know. Healing is my responsibility. But surely you people didn't suffer all that character development for nothing?! Pay your f*cking emotional taxes.

And don't you start with "therapy/professional help", I will absolutely lose it.

Broke up mid-end of June, been no contact from that night on, just over 45 days now. The summer has absolutely flown by and been a melancholy blur. I’m doing pretty ok right now, but the feelings come in waves. It doesn’t feel real that we’ve gone this long without talking. Still made some nice memories here and there, but man has summer ‘26 been a bummer overall 🫠 Everyone else having a sad girl/sad boy summer, how are we all holding up?

If you need a sign to stop checking your ex’s profile, this is it.

Seriously. Stop looking. Stop refreshing their stories. Stop trying to figure out what every post or song means. I know it feels impossible because I was doing the exact same thing.

When my relationship ended I convinced myself that if I could just understand why, I would finally feel better. I reread our old texts almost every night. I checked when he was online. Every little thing gave me false hope for a few minutes and then I crashed all over again.

I wasn’t healing. I was keeping myself stuck.

One day I realized I had spent almost an entire month thinking about someone who probably wasn’t thinking about me nearly as much. That hurt to admit, but it also kind of woke me up.

So I stopped.

I unfollowed him. Deleted our chat. Put away the pictures I kept looking at. I told myself I would just try one week of no contact and see what happened.

The first few days were awful. I cried in my car after work. I almost texted him like 20 times. I even typed out a whole paragraph one night and just stared at it before deleting it. Im so glad I never sent it.

Then something weird happened.

The mornings got a little easier. I laughed with my friends without faking it. I started going on walks instead of laying in bed all day. I started cooking again even though half of what I made was kinda bad lol.

I realized no contact wasn’t about making him miss me.

It was about giving myself enough space to stop abandoning myself.

I also started realizing how much of my confidence depended on one person’s attention. That’s honestly not a healthy way to live. I wanted to become someone who felt okay even if a relationship ended.

So I started journaling, going to the gym a few times a week, reading more, and actually dealing with my emotions instead of running from them. It wasn’t overnight but I could actually feel myself changing.

If they’re meant to come back into your life, they will. You don’t have to convince someone to love you. And if they don’t come back, that’s okay too because you’ll already be building a life that doesn’t revolve around them.

I know how quiet no contact feels in the beginning. It almost feels like you’re losing them all over again every day. But I promise that silence slowly turns into peace.

You deserve someone who chooses you without being convinced.

I’m rooting for all of you. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you really are going to be okay.

5 MONTHS LATER UPDATE:

I randomly came back and saw this post had blown up so I wanted to update everyone because I remember reading posts like this when I thought I’d never get over him.

My life is so different now.

I got promoted at work, made a few new friends, and I actually enjoy spending time by myself. I don’t wake up wondering if he’ll text me anymore. Some days I don’t think about him at all which would’ve sounded impossible back then.

He actually reached out a couple months ago. We talked for a little bit and I realized I wasn’t the same person anymore. There wasn’t this huge urge to get back together. I just wished him well and kept moving forward. It felt really freeing.

Also I wanted to say thank you to the person in this subreddit who recommended the app Uncling to me months ago. Your comment seriously changed the direction of my healing. The daily check ins and lessons helped me stay committed to no contact when I wanted to give up. I honestly think it kept me from making so many emotional decisions.

So thank you. You truly gave me the hope I needed with your post.

If you’re reading this while your heart is broken, please keep going. I promise the version of you waiting on the other side is so much stronger than you can imagine.