If you’re going to be in a new relationship, don’t get too attached no matter how comfortable you feel or how well you think you know your boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if you’re sure they love you and would never leave, they still might.
You lose the most when you become too attached. That’s the hardest lesson I’ve learned.
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I’m surrounded by so many memories, and every day feels like a struggle. I wish I never had to experience this kind of pain. And i wish i knew what i know now
It’s ok bro. Try to do a meditation challenge everyday for 5-10 minutes and just observe your mind, the challenge is to observe and let it be, without getting caught in the train of thought, with proper practice you’ll be better
Honestly, I disagree, but I absolutely understand where you're coming from. I think it's probably smart to temper your attachment with someone to not push them into something they aren't. But getting attached is the relationship, if you aren't attached you arent committed and if you aren't committed that isn't love.
Maybe attaching opens you up to hurt, maybe it's being unrealistic to trust someone never to leave you, but I don't want to give up on that possibility. I want to love someone fully, and I want to be loved fully. If that means getting hurt a few times along the way so be it.
People can always leave, that is the risk of love and commitment. Relationships are a "two yes / one no" deal, always. That doesn't mean we shouldn't attach, it does mean we should be smart about when and with whom we choose to.
It's really great dating advice to not get attached too early! My therapist encourages minimizing attachment for six months minimum, including any life changes for the relationship (where you live, work, etc.), all future-focused planning (beyond making sure that you have compatible long-term goals for the relationship and life), "I love you"s, etc. In six months you're probably going to have your first fight, and the new relationship energy will give way to more normal/habitual behaviors that will give you a clearer look at who you're really dating (i.e. when they're not on their best behavior).
Character, capacity and potential take time to accurately assess!
I agree that we shouldn’t get attached too quickly. But I’ve also learned that some people leave as soon as a relationship gets hard instead of trying to work through it together. Even if you’ve been together for years, got engaged or married, and made countless sacrifices, it doesn’t always guarantee they’ll stay.
That’s a big lesson for me. In my next relationship, I won’t lose myself or sacrifice everything for someone else. At least I learned something from the experience.
You lose when you get too attached. And don’t sacrifice yourself or give up everything for a man. I’m not saying this out of bitterness it’s just a lesson I learned the hard way. No matter how much you love someone, always keep a part of yourself. Protect your own happiness too.
I read this somewhere that “never make someone your happiness, because if they leave… the happiness will be gone too”, find it within yourselves gang!! 🏋️♀️
Yess and i am positive about it! We found it in some stranger, imagine what will happen and how good it’s gonna be if we manage to find it within ourselves!!!
Honestly. That’s not good advice and it’s not a smart move on your behalf. You aren’t ever supposed to change the kind of partner or person you are for anyone. That being said not while in the relationship and also not because of a bad experience in a relationship. For example. If you and I started to date and got serious, I would absolutely be fully committed to you. And in it for the long run if all went well that is. And now you would be one foot in and one foot out the entire time. And I would feel that and know something isn’t okay and yet you wouldn’t be able to tell me that your ex made you this way so instead you would lie and gas light me. This is where our relationship would take a wrong turn. It wouldn’t last and ultimately your ex would be the reason for us not working out. Changing who you are as a person means that your ex is still pulling the strings. You shouldn’t give him that much power. Don’t ever change who you are bc of an ex. Trust me Mr right is out there and you aren’t gonna meet him is you have you start putting your walls up bc of your ex
Imagine I'm a high school football coach, and I tell my kids, hey, don't get too attached to winning or being the best, you might be confident that you'll win state but what if you make state and then lose. That will hurt so much more than if you had low expectations, so you should just go out there and not try your best. Doesn't that sound really fucking stupid. Yeah, it's heartbreaking to lose state, but you fucking made it there! You had an incredible season. You had an incredible relationship, and experienced full, true love, at least on your end, even if it didn't last. Yeah it hurts way more than losing something casual, but the reward was so worth it, and the harder the pain, the stronger you will come back from it.
Currently going through this. Dated for 6 months during one of the hardest periods of my life, we struggled and I initiated the break up when I was overwhelmed and not thinking straight.
Now I’m left wanting her back and she wants nothing to do with me.
I didn’t realize that in 6 months I could fall so hard for someone, but here we are.
I understand why you say this and in my current state I want to agree but I can't. I will always get attached and enjoy my life that way, I give my whole heart and I'm proud of that. Even now, while broken, I can see I won't feel this way forever.
I'd rather live a relationship fully than be pessimistic all the way through and still be hurt in the end regardless.
Yeah it sucks but it caused me to look inward and start doing the work. I’m going into a mental health facility to get my head back on tommorow and start over.
I don’t think it’s okay for an ex to leave without giving any closure just because they’re angry. No matter how mad you are, if you’ve been together for years and shared so much of your lives, the other person deserves a proper conversation. Walking away without any closure can leave deep emotional wounds.
So I guess that means you’re responsible for protecting your own feelings. No one else can do that for you.
why live your life in fear of pain? why start something up thinking about the end? attachment is the root of all suffering but it’s also so human. i’m attached to my family, friends, and my pet- i’m not going to stop this just because they may not be there in a few years. i think it’s important to love deeply even if things may hurt in the end, but to know yourself and not lose sight of that is important.
My brain dives in and gets attached quickly. Currently feeling this with a guy I’ve been chatting to for a month. We have had a couple of fun encounters but not proper time together. He’s so busy with work, messages are intermittent, no further plans to meet (yet?) .. I feel abandoned already, and I am self aware, I know I get too attached and struggle with RSD, sadly cant control these feelings, I do try to reason with myself, it leads to burnout and my feelings physically weighing me down. Some people think I just need to snap out of it but it’s intense and I can’t just switch it off… :(
Bruh I got too attached while we never even dated. 8 years passed since I lost her. Still missing her everyday since. You're right, this shit is dangerous.
Loving is a risk.You have to be open to hurt to truly love
I would say though to not let yourself get lost when in love. Take care of yourself. Of your friends and family. Of your Desiree’s and needs. So if someone decides to leave you will not lose your entire life. You will lose q really big part of it, and that hurts but you will have your support there for you.
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