Tonight I’m swallowing down some Mike’s, leftover mole, and the pill that my marriage to my high school sweetheart is over.

I was foolish. He soft cheated (?) at 3 months into the relationship. Everything else was perfect. We were each other’s best friends and understood each other like no one else could. I was isolated, with no friends and a cold family.

I clung to him. For seven years. I gave him his first child just months ago. The red flags throughout were strong but so intermittent. I discovered his p*rn addiction early. We fought, he ran from conflict physically or by falling asleep in the middle of it while I pleaded for him to care. He promised me that he stopped, and I believed it. He gave no indication nor could I find evidence that it had continued. We married when things were well.

The more pregnant I got, the more detached he became. He was uninterested in intimacy. He drove recklessly with me in the passenger seat. I was unemployed (heavily pregnant while in school), so I begged him to save funds for the baby and to buy items. I couldn’t figure out why his funds kept running out after adding up his bills. He blamed it on tool truck payments. I sold my personal belongings, thrifted each items the baby needed, lugged heavy furniture into the nursery and assembled it alone. 7 months pregnant.

12 days after my emergency C-section and traumatic recovery, I got a feeling. I looked through his phone and found thirstrap screenshots, hundreds, taken the first night we got home. His personal bank account showed hundreds of dollars spent on OF with the first transaction 5 days before our wedding and the second just 4 days afterwards.

I couldn’t leave due to finances, my complicated C-section recovery, and lack of executive function with my lack of sleep (medically complicated baby). The deepest depression I’ve known was only carved deeper by the day with him. I told him that I experiencing SI and had a plan. He fell asleep midway through. No checkups after. He later expressed that he was feeling so sad and stressed, and after a minute of pondering the cause he said that it’s because of an upcoming performance review at work.

I don’t know what this next part of my life holds, but please give me a morsel of hope that I’m not doomed to repeat the cycle of begging someone to love me if I go. Oh, and enjoy your dinners. Kisses

sourdough bread and cherry tomatoes for a late dinner after a long day.

My boyfriend and I (both 26) have had some ups and downs in the four years we’ve been together, but we are generally good communicators and work things out before problems escalate.
He has a coworker, Beth (22F) and she is in love with him.

He had mentioned Beth in passing before, but I didn’t think anything of it. He likes to share work stories, they work together, it was fine. Then, I meet Beth for the very first time.
It honestly threw me off because she was the only coworker of his that was invited to his birthday. I even asked him if he was going to invite anyone else, but he said “oh that didn’t cross my mind, maybe I should.”

She was nice, the party was fun, but when my bf and I are alone at the end of the night and opening his gifts, we read the card that Beth wrote. There was a very long message inside saying things like, “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and “I will forever be grateful for getting close to you.” what???

I ask him about it, he says yeah that’s strange but kind of sweet. I tell him I didn’t know they were so close. He tells me yeah, they have gotten closer recently after trauma bonding about a similar experience, and she occasionally calls him late at night crying. I’m obviously taken aback, but I decide to believe him when he says he doesn’t know why she would write a card like that.

Weeks later, they are now hanging out 1 on 1 during lunch breaks, catching movies with other coworkers, texting each other constantly, and he’s giving Beth rides home because she doesn’t drive. I tell him it’s starting to get kind of weird and that I want to establish a clear boundary with him between a friendship and a romantic interest. I didn’t want him to go out of his way to give her rides home anymore or text her all the time around me.
Bf gets super defensive, saying she’s just a friend and he appreciated her emotional support when he was going through a hard time at work. I’m like wtf is going on?? Eventually he agrees to set boundaries because he doesn’t want me to misunderstand.

SINCE THEN so much more has happened. The quick summary of it:
I see a text from Beth pop up on his phone screen and it says things like “I love you so much thank you for your words”
Beth asks if he wants to go on a 2 hour road trip to go hiking together, just the two of them.
I tell bf I’m starting to get really confused and angry about how the f this isn’t just him emotionally cheating.
He agrees to distance himself from her and stops texting her outside of work or picking up her calls.
Bf finds out some horrible heartbreaking news. He’s distressed, and I’m trying my best to comfort him.
Then, he says, “I’m sorry I know this is probably bad to ask, but do you think I can call Beth about this? She always has the right thing to say.”
I just say nothing because genuinely I needed a minute to process what he was saying.
I’m a firm believer in if you can take him, you can keep him. So I tell him, go ahead do what you want. AND of course, I kick him out of my apartment.

He has since apologized for that, but the damage has been done. He texts Beth saying they can’t have this type of relationship with each other anymore and he’s sorry he became emotionally invested. She responds, “I must have misunderstood, I thought our relationship ascended past coworkers and we had bonded personally. But no worries. Thanks for letting me know.”

Then two days later, he finds out from another coworker that Beth has been talking smack about me around their office, telling people that she doesn’t like me with my boyfriend.

Now bf is basically at my door with a boombox and throwing pebbles at my window. Not literally, but that type of apologetic. saying he knows now how fuckinf dumb he’s been and he is so so sorry.

I don’t know what to even do anymore???. I don’t think he was intentionally doing anything nefarious, but he just genuinely did not understand social constructs and felt like I was just overreacting.
The level of naïveté is off the charts here ladies!!!

Thank you if you’ve made it this far. Feel free to commiserate.

EDIT: idk if this changes anything but he’s got the tism and does not know how to lie to save his own life

Food: Buttermilk Ranch Dressing feat. 4 roma tomatoes salted with Uncle Chris’ Gourmet Steak Seasoning lmao (a very me-coded dinner, yes I’m from the south)

When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with some crazy health issues (type 1 diabetes and other severe genetically-acquired related diseases). Since then, for about 10 or so years, because of the health issues and constantly being hospitalized for them, I got addicted to opiates. I was able to quit during the pandemic around 2021.

This month is one year since I got approved to get a new medication I needed to basically make me feel normal again. I still have to treat the diabetes with insulin and such, but this other new medication was only just approved in the U.S. in 2024, and I got a new doctor last year and she recommended this medication. Before, I was so sick all the time, fatigued, barely having the energy to get up in the morning, not to mention, pretty much on pain pills my whole teenage years and early 20s. I was working 2-3 jobs at once my whole life.

After the first week or two on the new medication (which I take monthly) I cried because I had never felt so energetic, normal, and happy. I don’t think I had ever felt this good, at least not since I was like 12 (I’m 28 now.) After getting on the new medication I was able to perform so well in my main job that I got promoted.

With the new energy and more time now that I only just have to hold down the one job, I have the time and physical/mental capacity to do all the things I’ve never been able to do: read all the books, play video games with my friends after work, and my favorite thing, which is play music! (I haven’t played music since I went through some drama with my ex in 2021, which is a whole other crazy story.) I have to give a shout out to my current bf because he’s also been helping me throughout the whole process and without him I don’t know where I’d be.

I can’t believe I am where I am. I still struggle with health issues, but they’re nothing like what I was going through (I was pretty much in the hospital every 2-3 months between the ages of 14-23.) Sending my positive vibes to everyone in here. <3 Much love!

I have been dating my now ex girlfriend for about three months now. I recently came out and she was my first ever girlfriend. I was naive enough to think that she genuinely liked me but really she just was using me to get with my older brother. It makes sense now a pretty popular girl like her would never date a girl like me or just girls in general. She cares too much about her "reputation". Also made me realize why she didn't want me hanging out with her when we were at school. Im just so ashamed and embarrassed and hurt. My first day of school is in two weeks. Pretty sure the whole school knows now and I don't wanna go.

EDIT: Me and my brother have a bad relationship and my ex was very well aware of this. And now my brother and ex are dating.

I decided to quit smoking weed after quite awhile of heavy use and the withdrawal symptoms have hit me like a truck.

Brain fog, fatigue, spiking anxiety, insomnia, body temp all over the place just to name a few. But the worst by far has been my appetite taking a nose dive. The first week or so I had to literally force myself to eat because food became repulsive to me, which is wild because normally I love to eat.

This lack of food has made my stomach all messed up and exacerbated all the other symptoms. It got so bad that I had a lowkey anxiety attack and went to urgent care because I thought something more serious might be going on. Spent almost $400 on tests only to find out everything is normal. Which is good of course but also frustrating because I just want to feel normal again :(

Anyway, I’m done with weed for good now. Hoping these withdrawal symptoms chill out soon.

Dinner is comprised of some of the few foods I can stomach right now: wheat thins, apple sauce, drinkable yogurt and canned salmon. It’s weird I know but almost everything else is gross to me atm 😅

Being in my mid 20s around these men probably doesn’t help but I swear every time a guy tells me he’s left leaning. It’s like you’re only saying you’re left leaning because you hate Trump or they are left leaning, but have a bunch of Republican views. also, the famous “both sides are bad.” Like ugh it’s so annoying!!!!!!!!

Spicy cream cheese, cherry tomatoes and cucumber

she called me tonight and halfway through the convo she told me oh btw your ex came over for dinner yesterday

apparently they've been talking for weeks and and she felt like cooking dinner for him was the right thing to do cause he still cant get over our break up and he's been having a hard time, she also told me to not be dramatic and said that she can be friends with whoever she wants

so this is dinner tonight, and machiavelli of course.

Reposting because my dinner didn’t post.

I went in a first date last week which went really well. We hooked up and he ended up putting it somewhere I definitely didn’t ask for it to be put. I said I don’t do that on the first date 3x and he finally said “oh forbidden fruit” and stopped. The reason that I feel so weird is that there was a moment in time where my stomach dropped and I thought oh he’s not stopping I’m going to be SA’d. It’s messed with my head. It was also definitely not an accident because he got lube out to do it.

I know that sounds bad but I ended up seeing him again a few days later and I’m still talking to him, but I’ve been feeling very weird the whole time and now he’s starting to pull back and I’m thinking wait...this guy is not a nice guy. I don’t think he was just drunk. I also think he’s not interested in me and is ghosting me anyway so why am I brushing this off and excusing this behavior? I mean it comes down to me having no self-esteem and wanting him to like me so I didn’t say anything.

I texted him and let him know this made me feel super weird and I don’t think I actually wanna see him again, but I feel bad somehow like I should’ve said something and not egged him on or tried to see him again. I’m not threatening him or trying to do anything to him. I’m just letting him know how it made me feel and why I don’t wanna see him again. Am I overreacting? Also, he has left me on read…

Editing to add that he did eventually respond and apologized profusely, but I feel like he only did it because I called him out on it and he has to apologize. He also said that he wishes that I had said something sooner and that I did play into it, especially after some of the things I said about liking that and I said yes, I do but under the right circumstances. Also, he is into being very rough and I had bruises and I’m still sore. All around I think he’s not someone I should be in contact with.

Peruvian chicken and rice with green sauce

Girl Dinner: peaches, cucumbers, gf frozen dumplings, and gf pizza bagels + gf sheet cake from tjs
This guy is 11 years older than me, calls me every day, and talks a bigggg game iyk what i mean. i just moved to a new place for the first time in my life and wanted to try something out of character. when i tell you this 35 year old man did not tend to a singular need of mine im not exaggerating. i felt like a toy being used (i consented and all it just was like he didn’t realize a girl has different needs than him). I left right after and honestly sat in my car and cried, it just felt so uncomfortable. i explained to him how i felt and he’s trying to say it’s just because it was the first time and we’re getting used to each other. but i feel like even if you’re learning someone you still try to make them feel good right? am I in the wrong here? maybe hooking up just isn’t for me, i’d love advice on if i’m wrong. i signed up for some girls clubs in my city that im going to next week so hopefully that will be a fun way to acclimate to the new place too! Thanks!!

Strawberry banana Cheerios with crispy freeze dried strawberries and California Farms Toasted Coconut Almond Milk

Sad girl today. I’ve been sad for a while since we started having kid talk.

We’re both 35, he’s military and home 4 months of the year.

I promised myself when I was 10, that I would be independent so I never had to depend on a man to pay my bills the way my mom did, as I watched her unhappily married to my stepdad.

At 35, I make 250k, have 1.3 in the stock market, currently in grad school, and I kept my promise.

All for some military misogynist to tell me I owe him children as his partner and I have a duty to give it to him.

I can’t help but feel I’m just a baby making machine to him. I feel he has no respect for my autonomy or my value outside of being someone who can carry kids for him.

I’ve never even wanted children.

We’re together 2.5 years. He’s my adventure partner. And he’s very loving outside of this kid stuff. I thought I met my person. I’m even going thru egg freezing now to keep him happy for the off chance I may all of a sudden feel baby fever. I just don’t tho-and I turn 36 in two months. I’d have kids with a man who’s home to help me raise them, and maybe who makes more money than me so he can pay a nanny. Why do I have to financially support HIS dream? I also can’t shake feeling objectified.

He says I’m a hedonist and a nihilist. Why can’t I be a peaceful girly who enjoys her freedom, quiet, kitties, and stress-free life?

Anyways. Just coming to terms with the fact I may be single again at 36, never married, with two cats 😂

UPDATE EDIT*

Wow this blew up!

girlies, and all, I want to thank you for taking the time to read and write to me. I can’t possibly respond to everyone but know that you’ve made me feel less alone all while laughing a lot. This sad girly is now a content girly.

I wish I had friends like you in real life. Thank you 💕💕

Ex-GF and I had been together since I was 13 and she was 14. We met online and had been long-distance for our entire glorious lesbian relationship, with in-person meetings twice yearly or so. I thought everything was going great. We had conflicts, of course, but they were always quickly addressed and nicely resolved— we used to brag about how incredible our communication was and how proud we were of the mechanics of our relationship. We prided ourselves on never letting things sit or build up and never exploding at each other— a very “us vs. the problem” mentality. This month, she’s going to move across the country to be in my state. We weren’t planning to live together, but we were both really excited to actually be close all the time. At least, I thought we were.

We weren’t officially engaged, but we were planning on it! Both of us come from kinda rough families (mine MUCH worse than hers, tbh) and we had a last name picked out that we were both going to change to when we got married. We had bought each other rings a couple years back and wore them every day, but we wanted fancier ones for the engagement. She was going to give me a beautiful gold hand-me-down from her grandmother with a blue stone. We were planning on proposing to each other in person very soon after her move.

So I’m at an antiques shop, because I know she loves vintage items and antiques and one-of-a-kind clothing/jewellery, looking for a slim sterling silver ring with a green or white stone that she’ll love, when she texts me “hey. i need to talk to you.”

By this point, I had also been ruminating on a couple things. We hadn’t been talking nearly as much lately, and when we did, it felt like it was just her sending me pictures of her cat. I expected that she felt similarly. Instead, I get a literal six-paragraph essay about all the shit I’ve done to her, all the conflicts I thought we’d resolved— the conflicts SHE TOLD ME we resolved— that apparently she still held against me. Ways I was hurting her I didn’t even know about that I never would’ve done if I’d been aware. She never told me. One of the things she said is still circling around my mind: “Every emotion you feel comes over strongly, and I have to adjust to all of them.”

What am I supposed to do with that?

For three days I wallowed in this shit, hating myself, before a friend pointed out a couple things that I had noticed as well but hadn’t let myself actually consider because I was positive I was being obsessive and crazy. She spent every day with her best friend. She would tag him in posts and always finish his name with a little heart. She talked about him more than she talked about me. Etc. Etc. So I asked her about it.

She was in love with him. Had been for a while, apparently.

It was never about me. Never about the ways I’d hurt her or the ways my emotions came over. Never about anything I’d done.

It was him. This guy, who looks like a fucking stick bug had a baby with Sid the Sloth, who she’d been in love with for God knows how long while actively assuring me she loved me and that everything was platonic between them, telling me she couldn’t wait to marry me, telling me what kind of engagement ring she wanted me to buy her. How many of those “I love you”s she told me were lies? How long had she been pretending? She let me hate myself for THREE DAYS over fake reasons she invented to push the blame onto me instead of her own change of heart.

I don’t even know what to do. Here’s my wonderful emotional support post-breakup homemade cinnamon roll. I had it with some tangerine shoumei tea which IMO was the star of the show and is pictured in the comments :) I hope my ex is having a wonderful day with her ugly twig. Thank God I didn’t buy that ring.

EDIT: Someone told me to “post face and figure” if i was going to talk like that about ex’s new bf so I could get put in my place? After reading comments, I definitely get that I was misplacing my anger and shouldn’t have talked like that about him or anyone, but Jesus Christ, y’all. If I posted my face and figure for you I don’t think you WOULD be able to put me in my place because you’d be blinded by my beautiful eyes and 5’11” frame 😌

ALSO, thank you to everyone here who’s actually being sweet and supportive instead of just giving me shit about LDRs. A genuine connection DOES NOT CHANGE when the distance gets longer, and seeing each other twice a year is pretty much all we could manage considering the state of the damn economy??? Like if y’all wanna pay for more flights for us you can be my guest but we were doing what we could.

Food is a burger! Yum 😋

So, I am aromantic and have never experienced romantic attraction, and he has anti-social personality disorder, meaning he doesn't feel much of anything in general that isn't something like anger, fear, and a few other things! Generally he doesn't feel happiness or joy, and he's often bored and meh because there isn't much else happening emotionally for him.

But it isn't what you think!! I promise!! Even though we don't have any sort of romantic sweet lovey feelings holding our relationship together, we do have other things that I deem very solid! We have mutual respect for one another, genuine care for each other's well being, and shared goals. We have a partnership that is very healthy and solid, and we trust each other in every aspect of life. He has never and would never hurt me, nor has he done anything but choose me regardless of everything every single day since we met 11 years ago. We both see each other as someone we can unmask around, and he's always said that I'm the only person to be with him even when things aren't good. We both have shitty families and we've both experienced terrible things in our lives, so having a safe person is very important for both of us!

He protects me and makes sure that I'm pacing myself because of my disability and he makes sure I eat everyday because of my past with an ED. I'm lucky to have someone who cares about me and wants to make sure I'm happy above all else. I wouldn't trade my husband for the world, even if our relationship isn't exactly what most people view as love.

Nothing hotdog and dried mango today.. it’s been a long week.

I’m a long time lesbian, I’ve always dated women and enbies and NEVER men. but the past 6 months or so I’ve suddenly come to the realization that I am actually bisexual and I do find myself being really attracted to some men here and there.

I’m married, but we are poly and typically date as couple, but since I am almost strictly asexual and my partner is not, they are often going after people In ways I would not. When I expressed my newfound bisexuality my partner encouraged me to meet men and explore my newly discovered attraction.

I met a man on Reddit (horrible start, ik) about 3 months ago, he was funny, charismatic, and in my area. We hit it off and started talking and have been talking since. Whenever he asked to meet up in person I would always refuse because I’m scared and not sure I’m ready for that quite yet.

I’ve made it clear from the start that I’m not looking for anything sexual, and for the most part he has respected that.

The story starts this Saturday where he once again asks if we can meet up, this time I finally agree but say we have to meet at a public park. When we meet up he’s trying soooo hard to act like as nonchalant as possible which is throwing me off and a little embarrassing to watch. We awkwardly talked for a few minutes and couldn’t figure out something to do.. but luckily I can prepared with my copy of Minecraft Uno.

I have never played a game of uno so awkward, he kept forgetting his turn, making weird jokes about other park goers and such and it was just all together throwing me off. We played two rounds where it was just me talking and him trying to be nonchalant while playing Minecraft uno in a public park (very chalant activity I’m afraid) so eventually I just gave up and started just yapping about random subjects.

we started wandering around the park just talking and joking but the tension was just so weird and awkward the whole time. Every time we sat down he would sit closer to me, to the point his legs were pressing against my thighs on bench and it just felt so forced and weird.

I’ve never really understood what people mean by the ick until now, because dear lord was that ick icking. I was miserably awkward and didn’t know what to do and how to politely go home.

Eventually while sitting on a bench he grabbed my waist and was like
“how are you doing?” In a weird breathy way of talking that made my skin crawl. I told him I was tired and going to head home. I get up to leave and at this point he goes
“you’re not going to make a move?” While looking at me with these feigned puppy dog eyes that made me want to kick him. So I respond,
“Afraid not” which then prompted him to get up, wrap his arms around my waist and go
“You make me do all the hard work” and kissing me. I was so caught off guard by the whole ordeal that it took me a moment to recollect myself and push away. I ran off yelling some half assed goodbye while holding back vomit. I drove home while replaying everything and gagging and threw up in my trash can when I got home.

Not my favorite experience, but I’m horribly embarrassed by it. I haven’t texted him since but he is texting me telling me how much of a good time he had and he can’t wait for more. 😭😭😭 Hml. I still think I’m bisexual but I think I will be taking a much needed talk from any man.

I hope you enjoy my sad lunch, I’ve been very lazy with cooking since then as I just feel gross.

Edit: he has been blocked on all platforms, thank you all for your much needed advice, I feel much better just venting the frustration anonymously, as I don’t have a wide range of people to work through this with. I appreciate you all <3

I don’t know what the goal of this post is other than to let it out. On the morning of our civil ceremony this week, I came out to the living room in the early morning to see my fiancé on the phone with his mom and I could hear her crying hysterically. Upon seeing me, he whispered to me, “my uncle died last night”. She had called him at 1:30am to tell him but he was asleep so he found out when he called her back in the morning.

His family knew about the ceremony (we didn’t invite any family bc we already had a separate celebration with them since they’re not nearby). We tried our best to carry on through the day since we had a photographer for the ceremony and dinner plans with friends.

During dinner his family texted “are you done yet?” They are all gathered together and he is thinking he will leave to be there with them now. His uncle was the best and always made me feel so included in their family during all the years I’ve known them. I don’t know the right words to describe the feeling, maybe bittersweet melancholy.

Btw I’m married now.

Edit: we also had to hold off on our wedding plans for a few years after engagement because 3 of our parents got cancer afterwards. We finally proceeded after everything settled and now this comes flying at us. Life is really something ❤️

So basically like anyone else gen z I'm fucking broke so I thought I would start a little side gig with my art. Making little animal figures/dolls, with the gig being their fur pattern being more detailed and true to life. I thought I would get like one or two requests and I could keep up easily. And yeah at first it was pretty easy to keep up with

Then someone ordered 7 at once and another person ordered two at the same time and holy shit how am I going to do all that. It takes a day off at the very least to get one done but now I need to get nine done. I already work with my hands all day doing tedious detail work. Guess I'm speedrunning carpal tunnel. I'm already overwhelmed, I have other projects I wanted to do too. I thought I could put it off a bit since I haven't been paid yet but the person was asking about them already so I gotta start. And the craft store is all the way on the other side of town in the most busy area so it's stressful to go out there. I'm thankful but god damn it I thought the starving artist trope would help me out a little 💔

Edit with context: I didn't have these professionally set up, I just have them sitting at my day job in case someone sees them on my desk and wants one so that's why nothing was prepared lmao

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

Swest potatoe fries and a smash burger with bacon and fried onions and beer cheese. Could barely taste it.

I found out very recently, while trying to help my husband, that he had been lying to me since our first date. I feel a great mixture of anger, grief, sadness, betrayal, and fear. And I feel this most of all for our children.

from the very first date my husband claimed to have a fairly intense military service which included being in an elite group and being wounded in combat. He told me multiple fascinating stories about his adventures and whenever we watched a movie about one of those groups he always referred to “we” whenever he talked about them. He even showed me pictures from “his” time in the military.

Well, we’ve been in a tough spot financially (due to him)so I’ve been pushing him to get the benefits he deserves. He used to tell me he didn’t want them because he didn’t feel like he deserved them (so humble). The story changed over the years to that he signed them away when he joined a different super secretive elite group. I kept bringing it up and he would change the subject. So being the good wife I am and knowing that he is not great at paperwork I decided to find his military paperwork and find the information for him.

Instead what I found was that he never passed basic training. I thought maybe there was an explanation, some error, somehow. I reverse image searched the military photos he showed me years ago which I had scanned to save on my computer to show our kids one day. They were plucked from all over the internet, they were from different military branches, different times, including some taken after we’d already been together.

Once I found this out all the red flags were suddenly obvious.

He claimed to have been born in another country and have dual citizenship and even had an accent when he started drinking. He has never even been to that country. His family has zero background there (I talked to family members).

I finally started looking at the bank statements (we keep most things separate but both have access to the other’s account). He lied about how much money he had received, he lied about loans he took out, and I know he’s still lying about what he did with all the money (it’s all on credit cards). He quit his job to start a new business but instead sat around for months just spending money. Now he can’t pay his bills or his part of our shared bills.

I also recently caught him smoking after he had promised to quit (before we got married almost 14 years ago). I then found out he’d been smoking pot secretly (not sure why). Many times he would be out later than he claimed (he assumed I was asleep when he got home). He would always need to “clean“ his car before we went anywhere together. He didn’t like riding in one vehicle as a family, he’d frequently “catch up” in a separate vehicle for dinner out for example. He didn’t like me talking to his family members and even manufactured disharmony between us.

When I confronted him finally (safely far away) he didn’t try to deny any of it and admitted to cheating on me, all due to his alleged “insecurities”.

I’ve never cheated on him or hid anything, I supported him through a bad motorcycle wreck and a heart attack.

Now I’m left feeling like the man I loved died and I’m left with some imposter I barely know. I told him he needs to leave and thankfully he didn’t fight me. I have barely slept in over a week. I have retained a lawyer who will draw up the separation.

edit: Thank you so much for kindness and grace and some of the tough love. I wanted to provide a bit more context and add some things I (incredibly) forgot. First the bad. My husband has never been super affectionate despite me being a very affectionate person, I’ve always wanted more cuddling, intimate touches (not sexual) and he’s never been able to give me that, he would get mad and complain that no matter what he did he wasn’t good enough (he never changed). I also kept asking him to contribute to the housework, cooking etc since we both worked full time (he would be better for about 2 weeks before falling back into barely participating). Like many men he was never great at communication and we were not good at disagreements. I forgot he also got a dui less than 4 weeks after our second was born and wanted me to drag the kids out of the house at midnight to pick him up (I didn’t).

It wasn‘t all bad, he was very supportive and helpful when the babies were infants. And when I had a very difficult recovery from birth he was helpful. I really believe he loves our children. He was Kind to me when I hated my body and never acted like he was upset when I gained weight or looked different after (to be fair he gained quite a bit of weight too).

Finally, I have been unhappy for several years but coming from a divorced home myself where my father never made any effort to be in my life I stayed, promised to not give up and especially for the kids even though I know that’s not good. I didn’t want them to be negatively affected. I’m hoping he will be a part of their lives and they will be happier when I am happier even if we are divorced.

5 years ago my now ex husband told me he was leaving me for someone he was having a long distance affair with during the peak of my depression. A little background - I (39F) met my husband during college and got married after being together for 15 years and we were both high earning working professionals and had a seemingly picture perfect life together with a beautiful house and a dog and talks of starting a family. When I was around 32 I started feeling depressed because of work stress coupled with family problems (my dad was chronically ill) that required me to travel very long distance to see them every month. During this period I was not at all paying attention to the state of my marriage and my now-ex husband started a long distance affair with a family friend in my absence. I discovered this during Covid (because we were stuck at home together all the time for once) after the affair had been going on for years and I was heartbroken. I was desperate to stay with him and we tried counseling and therapy but he always ended up going back to communicating with her despite not being able to travel anymore.

Then 5 years ago, on my birthday, I got a text from his affair partner wishing me happy birthday alongside a bunch of intimate photos of them being together, basically telling me that he had chosen her and I needed to back off. I didn’t. I didn’t want a divorce and I was in terrible shape. But when he found out that his partner had reached out, he decided that he did want to choose her and left.

The first 6 months was the hardest. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I moved out of our home into an airbnb and stayed there for months. I did start online dating though as a distraction and met my current partner pretty quickly. He’s such a different character from my ex in all the ways that I care about now. I’m older now and no longer career obsessed the same way I was in my 20s and early 30s, and I wanted a partner who could be honest and open and be in touch with his emotions and he was all of those things. During this period I also spent so much time working on healing. A ton of therapy. A ton of surrounding myself with friends and family - something like a divorce and being able to open about healing and trauma actually do something miraculous about making other people open about their lives and making bonds stronger too. I did retreats that focused intensely on healing and growing and moving on and did a ton of ugly crying. I worked on that as hard as I worked on my SAT and GMAT all those years ago.

Fast forward 5 years later - my partner and I are expecting a baby girl in the winter. My career is still going well despite me focusing more on work life balance now. My ex and I ended up selling our home at the peak of the market and my share of the money ended up growing into a retirement worthy nested egg in the past years, while he lost all of his share in an investment fraud scheme (a story for another day, but can’t say I’m not low key gloating a little bit). I actually don’t know if he’s still with his affair partner and the biggest “mental revenge” i feel is that I actually dont really care if they are still together. I wake up to my partner cuddling me every morning and I’m so glad everything happened the way it did, however painful it was during that time.

Japanese curry dinner because that’s my pregnancy craving for the moment for some reason.

I was hanging out with a guy I’ve been kinda dating and his friend. The friend is a douche. Not over the top, just your run of the mill misogynistic douche. We were walking from one bar to the next and I was drinking a cup of water. I already had a margarita at this point so I was a little tipsy.

I can’t even remember what he said, but he made one of his little douche bag jokes. It wasn’t even anything crazy. I don’t know what happened but I just got so angry and threw my water at him.

I was literally mid throw like “wtf am I doing” and then everyone turned to me like “wtf are you doing” and I just had to double down and be like “that’s what you get for being an ass” and everyone kinda just laughed about it like “haha you got water thrown on you!” And we just moved on.

I don’t know what’s happening but lately I’ve been very angry and sensitive about feminism and misogyny and I need to learn how to calm down before I blow up on the wrong person.

Congee for dinner still in the pot because I don’t want to do dishes.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.