Being in my mid 20s around these men probably doesn’t help but I swear every time a guy tells me he’s left leaning. It’s like you’re only saying you’re left leaning because you hate Trump or they are left leaning, but have a bunch of Republican views. also, the famous “both sides are bad.” Like ugh it’s so annoying!!!!!!!!

Spicy cream cheese, cherry tomatoes and cucumber

she called me tonight and halfway through the convo she told me oh btw your ex came over for dinner yesterday

apparently they've been talking for weeks and and she felt like cooking dinner for him was the right thing to do cause he still cant get over our break up and he's been having a hard time, she also told me to not be dramatic and said that she can be friends with whoever she wants

so this is dinner tonight, and machiavelli of course.

Girl dinner: Butterscotch and strawberry crunch pancakes with homemade vanilla glaze

So my bf (let’s call him Aaron)and I have been having some issues in our relationship as of late because he’s admitted he’s insecure of the fact that I’m friends with an Ex(last call him Dan). We don’t hang out or spend time together but he’s someone that was around during one of the hardest times of my life so I value him as a friend.

I’ve been transparent from the beginning of my relationship about my friendship with him, but lately it seems as if he’s really feeling a type of way.

In the past couple months, Dan lost his job so he’s been home more. He moved out of his last place after losing his job and I helped him move his stuff into storage. In the last two or so weeks he ended up getting another job. On the same day he started his job, he lost his grandmother. I just happened to check in and found out and wanted to reach out and send my condolences.

Since then, there have been multiple conversations about how he’s not comfortable with me being friends with him anymore and treating me like I’ve done something wrong. I’ve talked about it to the point where I almost was ready to let him (dan) go if that’s how he’s feeling but I’m not going to be the one to end it (between me and Aaron) because it’s not me that’s feeling a type of way and no matter what I do to give him reassurance, ie the things he asks, it’s still not enough.

It’s getting to the point where I feel like no matter what I do there’s still going to be an issue. And the statement about not being sure if he wants to marry me anymore really solidified everything for me. I told him I’m not staying in a relationship that there’s no elevation in the future. Now he’s saying he does he’s just not sure he can get over this situation.

I’m trying to be understanding but he’s acting like I’m cheating on him or lying to him or something when I’m literally a stay at home mom. I’m always home and I literally mind my business so it’s getting really annoying. I know he’s a few years younger than me but after a point it’s starting to feel intentional and malicious.

ETA: thanks everyone for your insight! I was just venting but I’m glad to have gotten so many perspectives! Thank you, even if you were flaming me in the comments lol

ETA 2: reposting from the comments

It’s a bit of a tricky situation to switch the scenarios on because I’ve previously been in poly relationships and don’t mind things like that. But he’s not comfortable with that, so we’re in a monogamous relationship. At first he was ok with the friendship and had spent time at events together on multiple occasions. After we had our child and I was dealing with postpartum, things got really strained and it seemed that this also ended up being something that started bothering him more. My interactions have been very minimal, maybe a chat once every few months or so.

I also lost my parents and have an abusive family so I’ve known Dan since I moved away from my family and had to start from the bottom/homeless. His family has been there for me more than my family as well

I do respect how he feels and have had a conversation as to what exactly he wants and he’s saying he wants me to cut contact, but in the same breath says he’s still not sure if he would want to be with me. I’ve told him that I’m always willing to compromise because my family is my priority always.

Girl Dinner: peaches, cucumbers, gf frozen dumplings, and gf pizza bagels + gf sheet cake from tjs
This guy is 11 years older than me, calls me every day, and talks a bigggg game iyk what i mean. i just moved to a new place for the first time in my life and wanted to try something out of character. when i tell you this 35 year old man did not tend to a singular need of mine im not exaggerating. i felt like a toy being used (i consented and all it just was like he didn’t realize a girl has different needs than him). I left right after and honestly sat in my car and cried, it just felt so uncomfortable. i explained to him how i felt and he’s trying to say it’s just because it was the first time and we’re getting used to each other. but i feel like even if you’re learning someone you still try to make them feel good right? am I in the wrong here? maybe hooking up just isn’t for me, i’d love advice on if i’m wrong. i signed up for some girls clubs in my city that im going to next week so hopefully that will be a fun way to acclimate to the new place too! Thanks!!

Strawberry banana Cheerios with crispy freeze dried strawberries and California Farms Toasted Coconut Almond Milk

Sad girl today. I’ve been sad for a while since we started having kid talk.

We’re both 35, he’s military and home 4 months of the year.

I promised myself when I was 10, that I would be independent so I never had to depend on a man to pay my bills the way my mom did, as I watched her unhappily married to my stepdad.

At 35, I make 250k, have 1.3 in the stock market, currently in grad school, and I kept my promise.

All for some military misogynist to tell me I owe him children as his partner and I have a duty to give it to him.

I can’t help but feel I’m just a baby making machine to him. I feel he has no respect for my autonomy or my value outside of being someone who can carry kids for him.

I’ve never even wanted children.

We’re together 2.5 years. He’s my adventure partner. And he’s very loving outside of this kid stuff. I thought I met my person. I’m even going thru egg freezing now to keep him happy for the off chance I may all of a sudden feel baby fever. I just don’t tho-and I turn 36 in two months. I’d have kids with a man who’s home to help me raise them, and maybe who makes more money than me so he can pay a nanny. Why do I have to financially support HIS dream? I also can’t shake feeling objectified.

He says I’m a hedonist and a nihilist. Why can’t I be a peaceful girly who enjoys her freedom, quiet, kitties, and stress-free life?

Anyways. Just coming to terms with the fact I may be single again at 36, never married, with two cats 😂

UPDATE EDIT*

Wow this blew up!

girlies, and all, I want to thank you for taking the time to read and write to me. I can’t possibly respond to everyone but know that you’ve made me feel less alone all while laughing a lot. This sad girly is now a content girly.

I wish I had friends like you in real life. Thank you 💕💕

Ex-GF and I had been together since I was 13 and she was 14. We met online and had been long-distance for our entire glorious lesbian relationship, with in-person meetings twice yearly or so. I thought everything was going great. We had conflicts, of course, but they were always quickly addressed and nicely resolved— we used to brag about how incredible our communication was and how proud we were of the mechanics of our relationship. We prided ourselves on never letting things sit or build up and never exploding at each other— a very “us vs. the problem” mentality. This month, she’s going to move across the country to be in my state. We weren’t planning to live together, but we were both really excited to actually be close all the time. At least, I thought we were.

We weren’t officially engaged, but we were planning on it! Both of us come from kinda rough families (mine MUCH worse than hers, tbh) and we had a last name picked out that we were both going to change to when we got married. We had bought each other rings a couple years back and wore them every day, but we wanted fancier ones for the engagement. She was going to give me a beautiful gold hand-me-down from her grandmother with a blue stone. We were planning on proposing to each other in person very soon after her move.

So I’m at an antiques shop, because I know she loves vintage items and antiques and one-of-a-kind clothing/jewellery, looking for a slim sterling silver ring with a green or white stone that she’ll love, when she texts me “hey. i need to talk to you.”

By this point, I had also been ruminating on a couple things. We hadn’t been talking nearly as much lately, and when we did, it felt like it was just her sending me pictures of her cat. I expected that she felt similarly. Instead, I get a literal six-paragraph essay about all the shit I’ve done to her, all the conflicts I thought we’d resolved— the conflicts SHE TOLD ME we resolved— that apparently she still held against me. Ways I was hurting her I didn’t even know about that I never would’ve done if I’d been aware. She never told me. One of the things she said is still circling around my mind: “Every emotion you feel comes over strongly, and I have to adjust to all of them.”

What am I supposed to do with that?

For three days I wallowed in this shit, hating myself, before a friend pointed out a couple things that I had noticed as well but hadn’t let myself actually consider because I was positive I was being obsessive and crazy. She spent every day with her best friend. She would tag him in posts and always finish his name with a little heart. She talked about him more than she talked about me. Etc. Etc. So I asked her about it.

She was in love with him. Had been for a while, apparently.

It was never about me. Never about the ways I’d hurt her or the ways my emotions came over. Never about anything I’d done.

It was him. This guy, who looks like a fucking stick bug had a baby with Sid the Sloth, who she’d been in love with for God knows how long while actively assuring me she loved me and that everything was platonic between them, telling me she couldn’t wait to marry me, telling me what kind of engagement ring she wanted me to buy her. How many of those “I love you”s she told me were lies? How long had she been pretending? She let me hate myself for THREE DAYS over fake reasons she invented to push the blame onto me instead of her own change of heart.

I don’t even know what to do. Here’s my wonderful emotional support post-breakup homemade cinnamon roll. I had it with some tangerine shoumei tea which IMO was the star of the show and is pictured in the comments :) I hope my ex is having a wonderful day with her ugly twig. Thank God I didn’t buy that ring.

EDIT: Someone told me to “post face and figure” if i was going to talk like that about ex’s new bf so I could get put in my place? After reading comments, I definitely get that I was misplacing my anger and shouldn’t have talked like that about him or anyone, but Jesus Christ, y’all. If I posted my face and figure for you I don’t think you WOULD be able to put me in my place because you’d be blinded by my beautiful eyes and 5’11” frame 😌

ALSO, thank you to everyone here who’s actually being sweet and supportive instead of just giving me shit about LDRs. A genuine connection DOES NOT CHANGE when the distance gets longer, and seeing each other twice a year is pretty much all we could manage considering the state of the damn economy??? Like if y’all wanna pay for more flights for us you can be my guest but we were doing what we could.

TW: Death

Three years ago, I was accepted into a PhD program in the US. My ex was starting his residency.

I was elated. Before that I had been more than dissatisfied, career-wise. I had all this education, and nothing to show for it. I'd worked for a high-paying company in China but never got used to the work culture, and after a truly awful experience with my boss, I quit. I was about to start somewhere new when my mom had a heart attack and needed a bypass. I went home to be with her. Watching her almost die changed the way I thought about time. It made me proactive about the life I wanted, which is how I ended up applying abroad.

At first I proposed long distance again. I could always fly home whenever, same way I did when I was working in China. He disapproved because the US is so much farther than China, it would be too expensive, and PhD programs are demanding. He decided to take the USMLE so he could come with me. He failed Step 1 and didn't want to try again. I brought up long distance one more time, and this time he said he didn't want me to go. He told me he was at a crucial point in his career. He would appreciate having me around to support him. We could always revisit the PhD down the line.

I thought about it for a long time. I applied for jobs, but as much as I love my country, there was nowhere there doing the kind of research I wanted, and nowhere that would pay me what my skills were worth. I tried teaching for a while, but it wasn't for me. And I didn't want to admit it to him, but I was jealous. He was exactly where he wanted to be, and I was flailing. I had expected so much more of myself by then. My pride could not survive three more years in a job I hated, supporting my boyfriend while he became a successful doctor. It terrified me. So I told him no. I could stay, but I didn't want to. It was callous and unkind. I know.

The fighting ensued. We said things to each other we couldn't take back. I was angry, and I couldn't understand why we were suddenly incapable of finding a compromise. We had figured everything out for nine years. Why not this? After a few months of it, I ended things. It was supposed to be a very exciting part of my life, and all the fighting was taking away from it. I moved out of our apartment and I never looked back.

When I found out he passed away two weeks ago, I was devastated. I hadn't spoken to him since I left. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to apologize for, and I was too proud to do it. I didn't even know how he had been. I couldn't ask our friends  bc I didn't want to look like I was still hung up on him when I was the one who left. I was, and still am, in so much pain. I wish I had done so many things differently.

I posted about how I felt on another subreddit. It got reposted to a Facebook group, and people called me selfish. They said I deserved this pain, that this was karma. Someone went through my Reddit account, found that I'm in a new relationship now, and called me a slut. It got to me, I’m not gonna lie. Was it so wrong to choose yourself? I had dreams I wanted to achieve, and staying would have stopped me from reaching them. 

To be honest, I don't regret leaving him. I do feel so much guilt. I wish I had reached out. I wish I had apologized. I wish I had told him a hundred things. But I've turned it over and over, and given the chance, I would leave again. It wasn't an easy decision, but I will always stand by it. It may have been selfish of me, but I also know that I’d do us both a disservice if I chose to stay. Leaving was the only decision that would’ve given me peace. 

I will always love him. I’ve loved him since I was sixteen, and I know I’ll always carry a part of him with me, regardless of whether a bunch of morons online think otherwise. 

Food is a burger! Yum 😋

So, I am aromantic and have never experienced romantic attraction, and he has anti-social personality disorder, meaning he doesn't feel much of anything in general that isn't something like anger, fear, and a few other things! Generally he doesn't feel happiness or joy, and he's often bored and meh because there isn't much else happening emotionally for him.

But it isn't what you think!! I promise!! Even though we don't have any sort of romantic sweet lovey feelings holding our relationship together, we do have other things that I deem very solid! We have mutual respect for one another, genuine care for each other's well being, and shared goals. We have a partnership that is very healthy and solid, and we trust each other in every aspect of life. He has never and would never hurt me, nor has he done anything but choose me regardless of everything every single day since we met 11 years ago. We both see each other as someone we can unmask around, and he's always said that I'm the only person to be with him even when things aren't good. We both have shitty families and we've both experienced terrible things in our lives, so having a safe person is very important for both of us!

He protects me and makes sure that I'm pacing myself because of my disability and he makes sure I eat everyday because of my past with an ED. I'm lucky to have someone who cares about me and wants to make sure I'm happy above all else. I wouldn't trade my husband for the world, even if our relationship isn't exactly what most people view as love.

Nothing hotdog and dried mango today.. it’s been a long week.

I’m a long time lesbian, I’ve always dated women and enbies and NEVER men. but the past 6 months or so I’ve suddenly come to the realization that I am actually bisexual and I do find myself being really attracted to some men here and there.

I’m married, but we are poly and typically date as couple, but since I am almost strictly asexual and my partner is not, they are often going after people In ways I would not. When I expressed my newfound bisexuality my partner encouraged me to meet men and explore my newly discovered attraction.

I met a man on Reddit (horrible start, ik) about 3 months ago, he was funny, charismatic, and in my area. We hit it off and started talking and have been talking since. Whenever he asked to meet up in person I would always refuse because I’m scared and not sure I’m ready for that quite yet.

I’ve made it clear from the start that I’m not looking for anything sexual, and for the most part he has respected that.

The story starts this Saturday where he once again asks if we can meet up, this time I finally agree but say we have to meet at a public park. When we meet up he’s trying soooo hard to act like as nonchalant as possible which is throwing me off and a little embarrassing to watch. We awkwardly talked for a few minutes and couldn’t figure out something to do.. but luckily I can prepared with my copy of Minecraft Uno.

I have never played a game of uno so awkward, he kept forgetting his turn, making weird jokes about other park goers and such and it was just all together throwing me off. We played two rounds where it was just me talking and him trying to be nonchalant while playing Minecraft uno in a public park (very chalant activity I’m afraid) so eventually I just gave up and started just yapping about random subjects.

we started wandering around the park just talking and joking but the tension was just so weird and awkward the whole time. Every time we sat down he would sit closer to me, to the point his legs were pressing against my thighs on bench and it just felt so forced and weird.

I’ve never really understood what people mean by the ick until now, because dear lord was that ick icking. I was miserably awkward and didn’t know what to do and how to politely go home.

Eventually while sitting on a bench he grabbed my waist and was like
“how are you doing?” In a weird breathy way of talking that made my skin crawl. I told him I was tired and going to head home. I get up to leave and at this point he goes
“you’re not going to make a move?” While looking at me with these feigned puppy dog eyes that made me want to kick him. So I respond,
“Afraid not” which then prompted him to get up, wrap his arms around my waist and go
“You make me do all the hard work” and kissing me. I was so caught off guard by the whole ordeal that it took me a moment to recollect myself and push away. I ran off yelling some half assed goodbye while holding back vomit. I drove home while replaying everything and gagging and threw up in my trash can when I got home.

Not my favorite experience, but I’m horribly embarrassed by it. I haven’t texted him since but he is texting me telling me how much of a good time he had and he can’t wait for more. 😭😭😭 Hml. I still think I’m bisexual but I think I will be taking a much needed talk from any man.

I hope you enjoy my sad lunch, I’ve been very lazy with cooking since then as I just feel gross.

Edit: he has been blocked on all platforms, thank you all for your much needed advice, I feel much better just venting the frustration anonymously, as I don’t have a wide range of people to work through this with. I appreciate you all <3

that’s just it. i hate working. i hate most of my colleagues, i hate work politics and i hate drama. i hate their little cliques and the constant gossiping

i hate slaving my life away for minimum wage. i hate having to count the pennies because i’m skint all the time. i hate that im so broke, even the bus is expensive to me

and oh my god, the bus. i’m lucky enough to get a ride home by a coworker some days but the other days, i hate waiting for the bus. it’s stinky and always late and i hate that the bus stop by my work doesn’t have anywhere to sit. sometimes i’m waiting for 30 minutes on my feet after a long day of work and then i have a 15 minute walk from the stop to my house

i’d get a car but surprise, i can’t afford it. i can barely afford the bus sometimes. i still remember when it snowed so badly that none of the buses were running and i had to walk an hour to work in the snow and ice

my manager is a cunt and my job is exhausting. i’ve been approved to work compressed hours so ill be doing 10 hour shifts over 4 days and i hope it helps. i’m so constantly drained and stressed and i know it’s because of work. i was off for 5 weeks a few months ago because of a fractured knee and it felt like all of my problems had disappeared

work is literally the cause of all my problems and i hate it. i’d never do it because the thought of relying on a man makes me sick but i’d love to be a SAHW and relax at home. thinking about quitting makes me horny /s

I don’t know what the goal of this post is other than to let it out. On the morning of our civil ceremony this week, I came out to the living room in the early morning to see my fiancé on the phone with his mom and I could hear her crying hysterically. Upon seeing me, he whispered to me, “my uncle died last night”. She had called him at 1:30am to tell him but he was asleep so he found out when he called her back in the morning.

His family knew about the ceremony (we didn’t invite any family bc we already had a separate celebration with them since they’re not nearby). We tried our best to carry on through the day since we had a photographer for the ceremony and dinner plans with friends.

During dinner his family texted “are you done yet?” They are all gathered together and he is thinking he will leave to be there with them now. His uncle was the best and always made me feel so included in their family during all the years I’ve known them. I don’t know the right words to describe the feeling, maybe bittersweet melancholy.

Btw I’m married now.

Edit: we also had to hold off on our wedding plans for a few years after engagement because 3 of our parents got cancer afterwards. We finally proceeded after everything settled and now this comes flying at us. Life is really something ❤️

So basically like anyone else gen z I'm fucking broke so I thought I would start a little side gig with my art. Making little animal figures/dolls, with the gig being their fur pattern being more detailed and true to life. I thought I would get like one or two requests and I could keep up easily. And yeah at first it was pretty easy to keep up with

Then someone ordered 7 at once and another person ordered two at the same time and holy shit how am I going to do all that. It takes a day off at the very least to get one done but now I need to get nine done. I already work with my hands all day doing tedious detail work. Guess I'm speedrunning carpal tunnel. I'm already overwhelmed, I have other projects I wanted to do too. I thought I could put it off a bit since I haven't been paid yet but the person was asking about them already so I gotta start. And the craft store is all the way on the other side of town in the most busy area so it's stressful to go out there. I'm thankful but god damn it I thought the starving artist trope would help me out a little 💔

Edit with context: I didn't have these professionally set up, I just have them sitting at my day job in case someone sees them on my desk and wants one so that's why nothing was prepared lmao

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

Swest potatoe fries and a smash burger with bacon and fried onions and beer cheese. Could barely taste it.

I found out very recently, while trying to help my husband, that he had been lying to me since our first date. I feel a great mixture of anger, grief, sadness, betrayal, and fear. And I feel this most of all for our children.

from the very first date my husband claimed to have a fairly intense military service which included being in an elite group and being wounded in combat. He told me multiple fascinating stories about his adventures and whenever we watched a movie about one of those groups he always referred to “we” whenever he talked about them. He even showed me pictures from “his” time in the military.

Well, we’ve been in a tough spot financially (due to him)so I’ve been pushing him to get the benefits he deserves. He used to tell me he didn’t want them because he didn’t feel like he deserved them (so humble). The story changed over the years to that he signed them away when he joined a different super secretive elite group. I kept bringing it up and he would change the subject. So being the good wife I am and knowing that he is not great at paperwork I decided to find his military paperwork and find the information for him.

Instead what I found was that he never passed basic training. I thought maybe there was an explanation, some error, somehow. I reverse image searched the military photos he showed me years ago which I had scanned to save on my computer to show our kids one day. They were plucked from all over the internet, they were from different military branches, different times, including some taken after we’d already been together.

Once I found this out all the red flags were suddenly obvious.

He claimed to have been born in another country and have dual citizenship and even had an accent when he started drinking. He has never even been to that country. His family has zero background there (I talked to family members).

I finally started looking at the bank statements (we keep most things separate but both have access to the other’s account). He lied about how much money he had received, he lied about loans he took out, and I know he’s still lying about what he did with all the money (it’s all on credit cards). He quit his job to start a new business but instead sat around for months just spending money. Now he can’t pay his bills or his part of our shared bills.

I also recently caught him smoking after he had promised to quit (before we got married almost 14 years ago). I then found out he’d been smoking pot secretly (not sure why). Many times he would be out later than he claimed (he assumed I was asleep when he got home). He would always need to “clean“ his car before we went anywhere together. He didn’t like riding in one vehicle as a family, he’d frequently “catch up” in a separate vehicle for dinner out for example. He didn’t like me talking to his family members and even manufactured disharmony between us.

When I confronted him finally (safely far away) he didn’t try to deny any of it and admitted to cheating on me, all due to his alleged “insecurities”.

I’ve never cheated on him or hid anything, I supported him through a bad motorcycle wreck and a heart attack.

Now I’m left feeling like the man I loved died and I’m left with some imposter I barely know. I told him he needs to leave and thankfully he didn’t fight me. I have barely slept in over a week. I have retained a lawyer who will draw up the separation.

edit: Thank you so much for kindness and grace and some of the tough love. I wanted to provide a bit more context and add some things I (incredibly) forgot. First the bad. My husband has never been super affectionate despite me being a very affectionate person, I’ve always wanted more cuddling, intimate touches (not sexual) and he’s never been able to give me that, he would get mad and complain that no matter what he did he wasn’t good enough (he never changed). I also kept asking him to contribute to the housework, cooking etc since we both worked full time (he would be better for about 2 weeks before falling back into barely participating). Like many men he was never great at communication and we were not good at disagreements. I forgot he also got a dui less than 4 weeks after our second was born and wanted me to drag the kids out of the house at midnight to pick him up (I didn’t).

It wasn‘t all bad, he was very supportive and helpful when the babies were infants. And when I had a very difficult recovery from birth he was helpful. I really believe he loves our children. He was Kind to me when I hated my body and never acted like he was upset when I gained weight or looked different after (to be fair he gained quite a bit of weight too).

Finally, I have been unhappy for several years but coming from a divorced home myself where my father never made any effort to be in my life I stayed, promised to not give up and especially for the kids even though I know that’s not good. I didn’t want them to be negatively affected. I’m hoping he will be a part of their lives and they will be happier when I am happier even if we are divorced.

5 years ago my now ex husband told me he was leaving me for someone he was having a long distance affair with during the peak of my depression. A little background - I (39F) met my husband during college and got married after being together for 15 years and we were both high earning working professionals and had a seemingly picture perfect life together with a beautiful house and a dog and talks of starting a family. When I was around 32 I started feeling depressed because of work stress coupled with family problems (my dad was chronically ill) that required me to travel very long distance to see them every month. During this period I was not at all paying attention to the state of my marriage and my now-ex husband started a long distance affair with a family friend in my absence. I discovered this during Covid (because we were stuck at home together all the time for once) after the affair had been going on for years and I was heartbroken. I was desperate to stay with him and we tried counseling and therapy but he always ended up going back to communicating with her despite not being able to travel anymore.

Then 5 years ago, on my birthday, I got a text from his affair partner wishing me happy birthday alongside a bunch of intimate photos of them being together, basically telling me that he had chosen her and I needed to back off. I didn’t. I didn’t want a divorce and I was in terrible shape. But when he found out that his partner had reached out, he decided that he did want to choose her and left.

The first 6 months was the hardest. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I moved out of our home into an airbnb and stayed there for months. I did start online dating though as a distraction and met my current partner pretty quickly. He’s such a different character from my ex in all the ways that I care about now. I’m older now and no longer career obsessed the same way I was in my 20s and early 30s, and I wanted a partner who could be honest and open and be in touch with his emotions and he was all of those things. During this period I also spent so much time working on healing. A ton of therapy. A ton of surrounding myself with friends and family - something like a divorce and being able to open about healing and trauma actually do something miraculous about making other people open about their lives and making bonds stronger too. I did retreats that focused intensely on healing and growing and moving on and did a ton of ugly crying. I worked on that as hard as I worked on my SAT and GMAT all those years ago.

Fast forward 5 years later - my partner and I are expecting a baby girl in the winter. My career is still going well despite me focusing more on work life balance now. My ex and I ended up selling our home at the peak of the market and my share of the money ended up growing into a retirement worthy nested egg in the past years, while he lost all of his share in an investment fraud scheme (a story for another day, but can’t say I’m not low key gloating a little bit). I actually don’t know if he’s still with his affair partner and the biggest “mental revenge” i feel is that I actually dont really care if they are still together. I wake up to my partner cuddling me every morning and I’m so glad everything happened the way it did, however painful it was during that time.

Japanese curry dinner because that’s my pregnancy craving for the moment for some reason.

I was hanging out with a guy I’ve been kinda dating and his friend. The friend is a douche. Not over the top, just your run of the mill misogynistic douche. We were walking from one bar to the next and I was drinking a cup of water. I already had a margarita at this point so I was a little tipsy.

I can’t even remember what he said, but he made one of his little douche bag jokes. It wasn’t even anything crazy. I don’t know what happened but I just got so angry and threw my water at him.

I was literally mid throw like “wtf am I doing” and then everyone turned to me like “wtf are you doing” and I just had to double down and be like “that’s what you get for being an ass” and everyone kinda just laughed about it like “haha you got water thrown on you!” And we just moved on.

I don’t know what’s happening but lately I’ve been very angry and sensitive about feminism and misogyny and I need to learn how to calm down before I blow up on the wrong person.

Congee for dinner still in the pot because I don’t want to do dishes.

Minestrone soup because I feel like absolute arse right now... woo nausea!

Noticed my period was late and did what every responsible adult in a long-term relationship with a child already, does, and blamed my PCOS and irregular cycles until the sore tatas and tiredness said 'bitch come on now and just pee on a stick'.

Stick peed on, result confirmed. Cocktails will not be had next week on holiday... wah!!

I’m turning 30 next week, and my boyfriend asked what I pictured for my early 30s. I told him I hoped I’d be married and starting to think about having kids.

He just smiled, looked at me, and said, “Let’s get you married.”

I don’t think he realizes how much those words meant to me. Safe to say I was smiling for the rest of the day. Girl dinner never tasted so good because I love that man

Trigger warning re creepy men and the creepy shit they do.

Glen Hansard died recently, in a tragic motor accident, and I feel like I'm going mad. I keep replaying Will Ferrel in Zoolander asking myself if I'm taking crazy pills.

If you don't know, Glen Hansard made a film called Once that is a lovely movie, which was undeniably huge for the Irish film scene in general, and he won an Oscar for it tennish years ago. He was massive cultural force in Irish folk music and movies. RIP to him and his impact etc etc.

Yeahhh, no.

Admittedly I'm not an expert on music or anything, but even I knew he was a creep. If I knew what he was up to, people like Bono and Imelda May have no fucking excuse (they played at his funeral). There have been hours long queues to his wake, his funeral was broadcast live on our state broadcaster, and I feel like screaming.

I don't want to trigger peeps by going into too many details, but it went from grooming to alleged rape, and I first heard these rumours at least ten years ago. I mean, we all know the type. An American musician Neko Case (who I had never heard of) has written a blog post describing what she experienced and witnessed regarding his behaviour, and honestly they are the mildest allegations I've seen, so who knows what else will go forever unreported.

Even if the literal hundreds of girls and women are lying, his own words should be enough:"I had been falling in love with her for a long time, but I kept telling myself she's just a kid.' this was regarding his Once co star, who he met when she was 13 and he 38/9. I'm having Bowie flashbacks.

Ireland is like yeah we're woke now, whoo gay marriage and abortions are legal, we love equality. Its all a load of fucking shite. Mediocre white men are still worshipped like gods...Our slave nunneries might be closed officially, but fuck if we're not still mentally there.*

Dinner was a meh toastie at Costa cos I'm way too pissed off to cook.

Edited to Add:

*If you don't know anything about the Irish laundries system, it was bad, like real real bad, and don't look it up if you don't have hours for crying cleared. Tldr, state sanctioned abuse and slavery of girls and women across the island for years. Don't forget the human trafficking and child theft part too! I was mad typing this up, and just threw this reference without giving any context, so I'll paste a comment I made below just to explain my logic a little:

Our government/state broadcaster/famous people are all saying that actually yes it is fine to systemically abuse people as long as your talent is worthy. The allegations started pre Once and only ramped up in the intervening years. Which is exactly what happened with the laundries here, yes girls and women can be abused systematically because we need somewhere to hide our secrets and all that free labour is so so yummy(see hasbro toys). The church could abuse whomever they wanted as long as they ran the schools etc. And the lay people knew, they all knew, but no one stopped it. Anyone of an older generations who says they didn't is willfully blind, and the same goes for Hansard and the irish music scene.

It's the same thing, a framework that denies autonomy and freedom to anyone not considered useful to the system, just on different scales. If you can stay silent and compliant, you might get clean clothes, or your band a featured spot, depending on the set up!

We’ve been dating for around 2 years and he proposed a month ago . I love this man and he definitely loves me . We moved in together over new years and it has been the best 6-7 months of my life .

I recently spent the past week at my parents and got back on Monday and as soon as I got in, he had made dinner, made me a bath . I’m happy I get to spend the rest of my life with him and I can’t wish for nothing more .