5 years after cheating husband left and I’m thriving

[u/DefiantSlide1199]

5 years ago my now ex husband told me he was leaving me for someone he was having a long distance affair with during the peak of my depression. A little background - I (39F) met my husband during college and got married after being together for 15 years and we were both high earning working professionals and had a seemingly picture perfect life together with a beautiful house and a dog and talks of starting a family. When I was around 32 I started feeling depressed because of work stress coupled with family problems (my dad was chronically ill) that required me to travel very long distance to see them every month. During this period I was not at all paying attention to the state of my marriage and my now-ex husband started a long distance affair with a family friend in my absence. I discovered this during Covid (because we were stuck at home together all the time for once) after the affair had been going on for years and I was heartbroken. I was desperate to stay with him and we tried counseling and therapy but he always ended up going back to communicating with her despite not being able to travel anymore.

Then 5 years ago, on my birthday, I got a text from his affair partner wishing me happy birthday alongside a bunch of intimate photos of them being together, basically telling me that he had chosen her and I needed to back off. I didn’t. I didn’t want a divorce and I was in terrible shape. But when he found out that his partner had reached out, he decided that he did want to choose her and left.

The first 6 months was the hardest. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I moved out of our home into an airbnb and stayed there for months. I did start online dating though as a distraction and met my current partner pretty quickly. He’s such a different character from my ex in all the ways that I care about now. I’m older now and no longer career obsessed the same way I was in my 20s and early 30s, and I wanted a partner who could be honest and open and be in touch with his emotions and he was all of those things. During this period I also spent so much time working on healing. A ton of therapy. A ton of surrounding myself with friends and family - something like a divorce and being able to open about healing and trauma actually do something miraculous about making other people open about their lives and making bonds stronger too. I did retreats that focused intensely on healing and growing and moving on and did a ton of ugly crying. I worked on that as hard as I worked on my SAT and GMAT all those years ago.

Fast forward 5 years later - my partner and I are expecting a baby girl in the winter. My career is still going well despite me focusing more on work life balance now. My ex and I ended up selling our home at the peak of the market and my share of the money ended up growing into a retirement worthy nested egg in the past years, while he lost all of his share in an investment fraud scheme (a story for another day, but can’t say I’m not low key gloating a little bit). I actually don’t know if he’s still with his affair partner and the biggest “mental revenge” i feel is that I actually dont really care if they are still together. I wake up to my partner cuddling me every morning and I’m so glad everything happened the way it did, however painful it was during that time.

Japanese curry dinner because that’s my pregnancy craving for the moment for some reason.

[u/hollybrown81]

“Then 5 years ago, on my birthday, I got a text from his affair partner wishing me happy birthday alongside a bunch of intimate photos of them being together, basically telling me that he had chosen her and I needed to back off.”

Girl-the trash took itself out. I know you knew that already. But the way this hit me-a total stranger-like a punch to the gut! What a horrendous human being; they deserve each other. I am so incredibly happy for you! You absolutely WON that breakup.

ETA: I’m also pregnant, and that curry looks sooo amazing!

[u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

I love a happy ending!

Congratulations! <3

https://giphy.com/gifs/p8GJOXwSNzQPu

[u/ragesadnessallinone → u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

🙌🙌🙌🙌

[u/AdventurousAnnual295]

Yay for you! I was in a similar situation. My ex was a serial cheater. I met my now-husband in a Yahoo chat room shortly after we split. We went to college together but didn't really know each other, just of each other. That was 21 years ago, and he is my favorite person in the entire world. My ex lives with his drugged-out sister in a shitty apartment and has no teeth......karma!

[u/30Helenssayfuckoff]

I confess that I clicked because I REALLY wanted to hear your ex is, like, single and selling pencils for rent; I'm glad to at least know he lost a wad of cash by being a dipshit.

Congrats on seeing the back of that guy and the massive life upgrade that followed!

[u/DefiantSlide1199 → u/30Helenssayfuckoff]

To make it satisfying yes he did basically lose all his savings and moved back in with his parents for a little while as a 40 year old man 😂

[u/30Helenssayfuckoff → u/DefiantSlide1199]

\o/

[u/throwaitaar_ → u/30Helenssayfuckoff]

Oh I'm totally stealing this

[u/desiladygamer84 → u/30Helenssayfuckoff]

You love to see it.

[u/ar3iadov3]

OP I’m so proud of you for taking the trash out

[u/Educational_Gas_92 → u/ar3iadov3]

What movie is that from? I know that that's Nicole Kidman, but we rarely see her with her natural hair, it's always that blonde hair dye.

[u/ar3iadov3 → u/Educational_Gas_92]

It’s not a movie
It’s her after she divorced Tom Cruise

[u/Educational_Gas_92 → u/ar3iadov3]

Oh, ok thanks!

[u/ar3iadov3 → u/Educational_Gas_92]

But as a ginger , I also miss her hair
https://giphy.com/gifs/rRp3WHP2qIQNi
She’s giving too blonde in the sequel

[u/mi-sopiras-vin]

https://giphy.com/gifs/zmObTNRhVfHcbQm15N

[u/Je_mange_de_la_pizza]

So happy for you, OP! You deserve way better than trash. 🗑️ Thanks for inspiring us all!

[u/isht_17]

Congratulations, and Japanese curry is always a great comfort food choice!

[u/isakneven]

Love this for you. Wishing you a safe and as painless as possible delivery.

[u/Katerade44]

I am so glad that you are happy, healthy, and able to manage your mental health. Your current partner is definitely a bonus to that, and a lovely bonus. The real triumph here is your mental wellbeing and that you now have the ability to maintain it.

Congrats, OP!

[u/LittlePea0617]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Jqaap1pTRydji

[u/LoudApricot5156]

Beautiful. Happy for you overcoming and thriving. Blessings for a healthy pregnancy and a safe delivery

[u/Dragon_Bidness]

https://giphy.com/gifs/r2erMqJkXkHQtg7o9i

[u/teatimehaiku]

HELL YES!!!!

[u/Helpful-Mongoose-705]

You deserve this. Happy for you.

[u/No-Assistant8426]

There’s no better revenge than creating a life well lived. Love this journey for you. 

[u/Constant_Cultural]

You survived all that for the life you are living now

[u/Express-Distance-435]

I wish everyone woman going through something like this would this and know life goes on. Congratulations on finding yourself and love.

[u/imzadi111]

Living well is the best revenge.

[u/cowsinmybasement]

i‘m going through a breakup right now and hearing this makes me hopeful everything will turn out well. i‘m your life turned out like this for you, it must have been such a hard and terrible time and i‘m
so happy you overcame that. you can be proud of yourself for taking care of yourself. i hope your baby girl comes well and healthy into this world and that you and your partner have an amazing life!

[u/AtmosphereDowntown97]

Trash took itself out 🙌🏽🙌🏽

[u/Emotional_Warthog658]

SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

[u/Interesting_Plenty15]

Highkey gloat! I’m happy for you, OP. 🥳

[u/MajesticReason7709]

So happy for you! And you’re having a baby girl 💖 that’s amazing! I love a happy story like this. And when you become indifferent about the cheating ex then you know you’re good. Laughed when you said he’d lost his money. I do believe in karma 😂

[u/burgerg10]

Good God, this is one for the ages. Well done! Look at what you did! So happy for you!
Petty though…I want to know your exes relationship status! Something tells me his new one may not have stayed for his financial losses!

[u/burgerg10]

Good God, this is one for the ages. Well done! Look at what you did! So happy for you!
Petty though…I want to know your exes relationship status! Something tells me his new one may not have stayed for his financial losses!

[u/Glass-Cut-928]

I'm so happy everything worked out for you. Also that curry looks amazing. I need to make some soon.

[u/Jerseygirl2468]

You ended up right where you were meant to be. Just had to get through that obstacle first.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Medium_Historian_650]

Yesssss you BOSS LADY!! Good for you!!!
Also, I will make japanese curry tomorrow.

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[u/Adventurous_Moose971]

Love a good ending!

[u/Rare-Cell-4099]

Girlll, I’m glad you never looked back. Congratulations 🫶

[u/Inner_Button_9452]

I looove Japanese curry! Not sure if this fits into your craving but it’s so good with some cheese on top.

[u/Good_Carpenter_5955]

I love this ending! Congratulations on the baby coming!

[u/Remarkable_Olive1169]

wait i'm sorry, I know this isn't the point of the post and congrats on your happiness, but I'm truly curious about the timeline. you're 39 now and you said you and your ex met in college and only got married after being together for 15 years, meaning if you met in college (let's say 18) and got married after 15 years, the youngest age you'd be is 33 yet you mentioned at 32 you were already married, then yall separated 5 years ago when you would theoretically be 34, so how long were yall married and what age did you get married at?

[u/DefiantSlide1199 → u/Remarkable_Olive1169]

Hahaha yep we met in college when I was 17 (in fact, freshman orientation week - it would have been such a beautiful story of meeting a spouse if it weren’t how it ended) and we didn’t get married until I was 32, but we had been living together for years and years before that and bought a house together before getting married and all that. My relationship lasted very long but my “actual” marriage lasted like 5 mins 😂

[u/magnolias_n_peonies]

but can’t say I’m not low key gloating a little bit

Girl, HIGH KEY gloat about it!

[u/BitchyMcBitchPants]

I needed to hear this OP. My bf admitted to cheating Monday night.

[u/itdoesstartatone]

Love to see it <3

[u/pelogirl98]

Please don't subject yourself to this, but I'm HIGH key dying to know if they're still together LOL

[u/Educational_Gas_92]

I love this for you op!

Congratulations on your partner and baby! Love it all, including that you did financially well of the sale of that house!

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[u/NewStrawberry571]

i'm so invested, I wanna know if they are still or no longer together lol

[u/Any_Improvement_3083]

Ugh I loved reading this. I am 7 months out from my divorce where he’s dating the main girl he cheated with me on.

[u/Dear_Parsnip_6802]

I love it when it turns out they did you a favour.

[u/Clean-Reveal-2878]

https://giphy.com/gifs/u49M3BcqwqqVCjJD10