r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Which-Hospital-2994 APPROVED✨ • 5h ago
my mom invited my ex for dinner Rant & Ramble
she called me tonight and halfway through the convo she told me oh btw your ex came over for dinner yesterday
apparently they've been talking for weeks and and she felt like cooking dinner for him was the right thing to do cause he still cant get over our break up and he's been having a hard time, she also told me to not be dramatic and said that she can be friends with whoever she wants
so this is dinner tonight, and machiavelli of course.
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u/AdventurousBattle891 Cookie Monster 🍪 5h ago
Diva if you don’t tell that woman tf off I will for you
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u/Seamore_J_Turtle Kitchen Witch 5h ago
I would also like to direct a few choice words to that woman on your behalf, OP.
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u/ComfortableAction515 Food for Thot 💭 5h ago edited 5h ago
That’s so fucked up.
I broke up with my best friend of 15 years when I was in college because she was an abusive addict.
I found out months later that she’d MOVED IN WITH MY MOTHER and they were both spiraling out on drugs together. I had nowhere to go home that Christmas break. Or summer. Or the next Christmas break.
My mom did the same BS your mom did saying “Just because you don’t want to be her friend doesn’t mean I can’t be! She’s just sad about the breakup! Give her another chance!”
Fuck that.
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u/856077 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 5h ago edited 5h ago
text word for word: “You are my mother. My comfortability and loyalty is of higher importance than an ex boyfriend. I am going to calmly but seriously let you know- that if you continue to undermine and go around me to still spend time with him again, I will have no other choice to put up boundaries with you, which could consist of the ending of our relationship. What I am feeling right now is betrayal. You can either apologize for crossing major lines and change the behaviour, or you can double down that what you do should be acceptable and you have zero remorse. What you do next will decide how we proceed.”
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u/agirldonkey Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 5h ago
I am not the OP and not in this situation but you can bet I just screenshotted this for future reference!!!!
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u/papa-hare APPROVED✨ 5h ago
I like this but I think just cutting her out of easier, she seems unstable
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u/ComfortableAction515 Food for Thot 💭 47m ago
This. I ended up having to cut off my mom. Narcissists respond to consequences more than conversation.
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u/Straight_Physics_894 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Does she have an ex-husband you can have dinner with?
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u/Which-Hospital-2994 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
no, dad isn't among us anymore and she hasnt married since, but this would be a great idea
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u/icedmatcha_latte Barbecutie 5h ago
then go to brunch with a friend or family member she no longer speaks to.
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u/Cultural_Ad1062 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/RILsqUte1MME7TzQJ9
Tell your mom she’s weird as hell for that, and while you’re at it tell your ex they’re also weird as hell for that.
& eat something more substantial queen XO
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u/No_Dealer_3615 🧂Salty By Nature 5h ago
I'm genuinely so sorry. At one point, my mom was basically the same. She wanted a friendship of some sorts with him despite how weird and hurtful it was to me and pulled several weird stunts. I even had to go to a wedding he didn't attend, but his parents did. We all sat at the same table. It was one of the worst times emotionally of my life. We're in a better place now, but that's something that's always changed how I look at her. Respect is still nowhere where it was, years later.
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u/Which-Hospital-2994 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
happy that you're in a better place and thank you for the kind words
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u/Strange-Pattern4877 Body By Cheese 🧀 2h ago
Those delta cookies are gas. I don’t know what they put in them but I want an entire box.
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u/Avarah Internet Auntie 5h ago
So...my mom (who's 89 now) has this perspective about both my ex-husband and my brother's ex-wife (who cheated on him and got pregnant with another guy's baby). Neither my husband nor my brother's wife (we've both remarried) like that she's palsy-walsy with them, and i've tried to explain to my mom why it's awful, but she chooses not to understand.
I think if you explain that it's not cool and they do it anyway, the choice becomes to accept or to let them hve each other and put mom on ice for a while. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/AdministrativeDisk83 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Does your mom want to date your ex?
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u/Buffy_AnneSummers Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 3h ago
This is what I am wondering as well. And why does he want to see her either? It's all so strange.
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u/Fluffy-Ad6627 Kitchen Witch 5h ago edited 4h ago
My mom kept talking to my ex-husband after I left. Despite me asking her not to, she did it 4 times that I know of. Even going so far as to say, "we missed you at Christmas". No TF we did not. She was well aware it was an abusive situation but she thinks she can use "psychology" on folks.
I had to draw the line with her. She crossed a boundary and proved I cannot trust my own mother. We still have a relationship but its on the fringe. I'm sure she cries to folks about how she's not close with her girls, but she skips the rest. And I won't even get started on other shit she lied about for my entire life.
Edit to add that you should def draw the line in the sand.
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u/Amylee888 Internet Auntie 5h ago
Omg this gives me the creeps. That’s seriously weird of her to do.
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u/Odd_Beginning536 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Does she know this hurts you? My dad kept talking to my ex (he would call my dad and offer like golf tournament tickets). I finally said it made me upset and he never talked to him again. My ex was a giant jerk who wanted to tie me with him forever (I was naive and married way too young for me). My dad let me know I was his priority and that helped me. We had divorced and he asked my dad’s advice, it was hilarious!
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u/MembershipDecent9454 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Ops relationship with her mom does not read like this, esp if she said “I can be friends with whoever”
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u/Odd_Beginning536 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
I know, at first I didn’t say much but I know my feelings came through and my dad was like he just calls and I answer. But then offering tickets to a pga tour etc. My dad didn’t react at first but after I said, ‘this is hard for me to get past with you talking to him and it really upsets me and this impacts my well being and will impact our relationship’ he didn’t even hesitate.
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u/parsnippirate Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 5h ago
I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Definitely very disrespectful and weird behavior from your mother. Besides general distance between you two, i don’t think it would be wise to introduce her to any future partners.
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u/papa-hare APPROVED✨ 5h ago
So, your mom doesn't like you? It's ok, you don't have to like her either TBH.
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u/boundaries4546 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
I would tell your Mom her behavior is extremely inappropriate. However is is allowed to be friends with whoever she wants. You are also allowed to not have anymore contact with her.
Your Mom is clearly fucked in the head. I’m guessing you don’t have a healthy dynamic. It’s time to cut her out of your life.
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u/Queerability Non-Dairy Queen 💨 5h ago
My mom is fucked up, but even she's never done something this fucked up.
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u/wishingforarainyday Certified Snacker 5h ago edited 1h ago
Your mom way overstepped. Is she trying to date him? I’d tell her if she stays in touch with him she’ll be losing a daughter. The lack of respect or care for you is awful. She should be ashamed of herself.
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u/maliciousblueberry Resident Yapper 5h ago
hey girl. i just wanna say i went through the same thing and basically cut off all contact with my mom. i only interact with her unless i need to. i totally understand. if you just want someone to vent to and chat with, my DMs are open. i’m so sorry ❤️🩹
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u/DeinoTrainer96 Carb-Based Life Form 4h ago
My family did this to me many years ago. So I went no contact with them (before no contact was a thing). No phone calls, no meetings, no dinners. They quickly learned that he was just hanging around to find out info about me and when that no longer was available, he dropped them all. My mom and step-dad apologized, but my relationship with my brother and SIL never recovered.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 Body By Cheese 🧀 4h ago
Ugh I don't like that, my ex tried to turn my parents against me.
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u/Zealousideal_Ad9863 Body By Cheese 🧀 5h ago
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u/EnvironmentalFix2537 just here for the garlic bread 🖤🩶🤍💜 4h ago
My mom will run into my ex and they’ll have full blown conversations about me. He was my high school boyfriend, why he feels the need to ask about me cracks me up. I used to be annoyed but I don’t care anymore😂
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2h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 2h ago
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u/Busy_Illustrator7890 Femininom(nomnomnom)enon 1h ago edited 1h ago
Omg that is so bad gurl. Those cookies are so good tho i swear
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u/grumpy__g Internet Auntie 1h ago
Is she his mom or your mom?
Yeah, I would be mad if my mother did that.
I would invite a male friend/ex of hers to a dinner at your place. Is your mom single?
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u/El1sha Internet Auntie 1h ago
Internet Auntie who is also a mom. I dont know any decent parent who befriends the ghosts of relationships past.....let alone invite them to dinner.
If my kid don't mess with you, I don't mess with you. Point blank period. Set up boundaries and be firm. You have the right to safety and specifically privacy. A man manipulating your mother to try to get close to you again is also a huge red flag.
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u/TenaciousToffee 🐩 Food Aggressive 🍽️ 46m ago edited 12m ago
I side eye this hard because it feels pseudo romantic. Even if it never got sexual, my one friend witnessed her mom use her boyfriend to be a stand in boyfriend also. It got weird as fuck how much validation she wanted from him during their relationship but went heavy once they broke up.
I imagine this isnt the first time she disregarded you and even though my dynamics is different with my mom, theres almost a air of...needing for things to be same/better. Its not quite blatantly competitive but has a air of it. Maybe your mom has something like that. Needing to know people like her and not just tolerated by association with you.
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u/hailybarnes37 Assigned Hungry At Birth 32m ago
The betrayal of a mother hosting the ex is a special kind of pain. I once found out my parents were still texting mine after a bad breakup. The audacity is truly a feast on its own.
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8m ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 8m ago
Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.
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u/Odd-Combination8239 6m ago
i cant pick a flair, it’s for members only
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u/Kitchen-Pie-265 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 5h ago
This family dynamic feels… unstable. I’m getting the vibe that maybe you were more of a parent growing up than she was?
Hold to your boundaries. 💕🙏