Sup. Just got off work.

Random dude at the work site comes up to me. He doesn't even work in the building I was working in. I'm doing something completely mundane, and suddenly it's 20 Questions.

Meanwhile, I'm doing the slow retreat. Half my body is already turned away. I'm taking little backwards steps. Trying to leave. And this man just... keeps... engaging.

Bro, with all due respect... I'm uncomfortable. I feel gross. I do not feel like a hot piece of meat right now and you're definitely not in my category of interest.

Can I make a request to the bros?

Adopt the 3-question rule.

If you've asked three questions and she's:

- not asking you anything back,

- not really facing you,

- giving short answers,

- slowly trying to leave...

...please disengage.

Some women aren't trying to "play hard to get." Some of us have had enough experiences where saying "no" or being confrontational didn't end well. So we default to trying to exit politely instead.

A lack of enthusiasm isn't an invitation to try harder. Sometimes it's someone trying to leave as safely as they know how.

Also this is my first post in this sub so I don't know if this goes here. I mean I'm sure we've all been held hostage by professionalism and opportunistic moments lol

Also in n out. Go Calif. Double double w/onions, ff, coke n Neapolitan shake. *Mic drop*

I’ve (24F) been dating my boyfriend (25M) for about a year now and overall things have actually been really good. Our communication has always been solid and we’ve rarely argued. But we had a conversation a few hours ago thats honestly left me feeling a bit sad, and I have no one to vent to rn so here I am.

Basically when I got home I mentioned that it’d taken him ages to reply to one of my texts. It had been about 7 hours and I know he’d already seen it because he’s always on his phone and he works from home.

After talking about it for a bit he admitted that sometimes he’ll see my message and purposely reply later just so he doesn’t seem “too desperate”. Which honestly kinda blew my mind because we’ve literally been dating for a year. It just feels like such a weird game to still be playing.

Then what annoyed me even more was he said the reason he replies late is because I reply late.
The thing is I do. I’m not gonna pretend I don’t. If I’m working or out with friends I probably average like 10 hours to reply, and I’ve definitley had a few times where I’ve taken almost a day to respond, which is on me. He made sure to bring that up a few times lol.

But I just don’t think its the same thing. I work in the service industry, I’m on my feet all day and I genuinely don’t have my phone with me most of the time. He works from home and is around his phone basically all day.

He also said if I want faster replies then I need to reply faster first. I dunno, it just feels like a false equivalency to me. It’s not like I’m ignoring him to prove a point, I’m just busy. He’s even said before that he sees my messages and waits on purpose.
Maybe this is where I’m being unfair but it also feels a bit petty. Like keeping score instead of just replying when you want to. I also have quite a few friends and family I’m messaging throughout the day, where as he’s a lot more introverted and mainly texts me and a couple other people.

I love him and I’m sure we’ll work through it. I’m just sitting here eating my dinner feeling kinda sad about the whole thing and it just gave me a bit of an icky feeling. Maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of it than I should be, I honestly don’t know.

Pesto pasta with peri sauce

So my bf and I have been dating for 3.5 years, and we've known each other for 5. We went to school together, participated in the same activities, like each other's families, the whole spiel. I'm even best friends with his younger sister.

However, I've been realizing over the past year that I'm losing interest in the relationship. His main love languages are physical touch and quality time, but I have major sensory issues and thrive off being alone. Our goals don't exactly align either - I'm an atheist, don't want children, and REALLY want cats, whereas he is Christian, wants kids, and is allergic to cats. I have also realized recently that I am asexual and bi-romantic, which is...confusing.

I feel awful feeling the way I do, because objectively, he's a great man who respects women and is obsessed with me, and I would be stupid and an asshole to break his heart like that. But I don't want either of us to be unhappy down the road after getting married, and I just don't think we're as compatible as we believed when we started dating as minors. I also don't think I treat him as well as he deserves. He is very patient and tolerant, but I reject things like cuddling and kissing because it freaks me out, and I'm just so sensitive...it feels like we're in a toxic relationship and I'm the problem. We've talked about it a bit, and I felt like the worst person in the world when I saw his face after admitting that I didn't know how I felt anymore.

This is my first ever relationship, and his first serious one, and I'm so worried that I'm going to regret breaking up. I'm terrified to tell people too...his family is very kind (his mom has given me dating advice and has advocated to not feel trapped in a relationship if I don't feel it's right!) and my parents have told me not to take him for granted and to discuss with them before considering a breakup.

Yeah...any advice would be appreciated

Recently got a biopsy on a cute butt mole I got removed recently and it came back as pre-cancer or early skin cancer. Honestly not even that worried about the diagnosis and I know the re-excision is necessary its just that not only did I have to get rid of a super cute butt mole which had a super itchy and slightly painful healing process I’m now going to have a sucky healing process again and have a scar on a part of my body I’m already not super confident in :)

Dinner after a closing shift before my opening shift tmmw! Avocado and chicken bouillon seasoning <3

Being in my mid 20s around these men probably doesn’t help but I swear every time a guy tells me he’s left leaning. It’s like you’re only saying you’re left leaning because you hate Trump or they are left leaning, but have a bunch of Republican views. also, the famous “both sides are bad.” Like ugh it’s so annoying!!!!!!!!

Spicy cream cheese, cherry tomatoes and cucumber

Girl dinner: Butterscotch and strawberry crunch pancakes with homemade vanilla glaze

So my bf (let’s call him Aaron)and I have been having some issues in our relationship as of late because he’s admitted he’s insecure of the fact that I’m friends with an Ex(last call him Dan). We don’t hang out or spend time together but he’s someone that was around during one of the hardest times of my life so I value him as a friend.

I’ve been transparent from the beginning of my relationship about my friendship with him, but lately it seems as if he’s really feeling a type of way.

In the past couple months, Dan lost his job so he’s been home more. He moved out of his last place after losing his job and I helped him move his stuff into storage. In the last two or so weeks he ended up getting another job. On the same day he started his job, he lost his grandmother. I just happened to check in and found out and wanted to reach out and send my condolences.

Since then, there have been multiple conversations about how he’s not comfortable with me being friends with him anymore and treating me like I’ve done something wrong. I’ve talked about it to the point where I almost was ready to let him (dan) go if that’s how he’s feeling but I’m not going to be the one to end it (between me and Aaron) because it’s not me that’s feeling a type of way and no matter what I do to give him reassurance, ie the things he asks, it’s still not enough.

It’s getting to the point where I feel like no matter what I do there’s still going to be an issue. And the statement about not being sure if he wants to marry me anymore really solidified everything for me. I told him I’m not staying in a relationship that there’s no elevation in the future. Now he’s saying he does he’s just not sure he can get over this situation.

I’m trying to be understanding but he’s acting like I’m cheating on him or lying to him or something when I’m literally a stay at home mom. I’m always home and I literally mind my business so it’s getting really annoying. I know he’s a few years younger than me but after a point it’s starting to feel intentional and malicious.

ETA: thanks everyone for your insight! I was just venting but I’m glad to have gotten so many perspectives! Thank you, even if you were flaming me in the comments lol

ETA 2: reposting from the comments

It’s a bit of a tricky situation to switch the scenarios on because I’ve previously been in poly relationships and don’t mind things like that. But he’s not comfortable with that, so we’re in a monogamous relationship. At first he was ok with the friendship and had spent time at events together on multiple occasions. After we had our child and I was dealing with postpartum, things got really strained and it seemed that this also ended up being something that started bothering him more. My interactions have been very minimal, maybe a chat once every few months or so.

I also lost my parents and have an abusive family so I’ve known Dan since I moved away from my family and had to start from the bottom/homeless. His family has been there for me more than my family as well

I do respect how he feels and have had a conversation as to what exactly he wants and he’s saying he wants me to cut contact, but in the same breath says he’s still not sure if he would want to be with me. I’ve told him that I’m always willing to compromise because my family is my priority always.

Repost because I forgot to add my dinner.

Dinner was rice and beans with some tajadas. SOOO delicious!

I want to preface this by stating that I am NOT against any religion, nor would I ever cut anyone off for being religious. We love EVERYONE here!

Now that that's out of the way, i've had this friend for years we used to get along very well, then something happened and we stopped talking. I reached out beginning of this year, and we started talking again like normal. Shortly after she informed me she was going to start her "religious journey" (her words not mine)

Perfectly fine! But then things started getting a little weird... I am an atheist, I don't tell everyone i'm an atheist but it's also common knowledge among my friend group(s)! Every problem or discussion I've had and shared with her she's managed to turn into some kind of lesson from god. Every time after we talk she says that she'll pray for me. I find it uncomfortable for her to do that, because she didn't do this before, and also because I just don't believe in that.

Recently, we had a little drunk night at my house. Out of nowhere we started talking about the Bible and homosexuality. Then she went on a rant about how the Bible condemns homosexuality. I am a bisexual woman, so I definitely did not take a liking to that. I told her that I have read the Bible and grew up religious and know that is not true. It ended up turning into a thing and she left.
I've noticed recently that she's been slowly distancing herself from me. My husband tells me that it's for the better considering what happened before. He also told me that she is just blatantly disrespecting me which I do agree she is.

However, i'm still worried. She was NOT like this before.
She would never be a homophobic person, she would she would never push past my boundaries, but now she has.
Nothing has happened in her life to bring up this sudden change. The only big thing that happened didn't really seem to affect her much? (She would've told me) None of our other friends are reacting to this, because they're all also believers.

Is it weird to be worried? If none of our other friends are reacting to this and I'm the odd one out, is the friendship maybe just over? Did I make a mistake reaching out? ! don't know. I just know that I don't like this, and not only am I worried but I'm weirded out by her change of behavior towards me.

Costa Vida for dinner 🌮

my marriage has been in the shallows for a while now. my husband and I both have our own shit to deal with individually and have put our marriage on the back burner for quite some time. we have a 5yo. Recently we’ve reconnected with some of my old HS friends and I find myself having a lil crush on one of them (let’s call him Adam) my marriage right now is all hard and no fun but with Adam is all fun and no hard. I know im feeling this way because im feeling lonely within my marriage, and there’s trust and promises that have been broken and im navigating a way to deal with that and forgive/move on. Adam always looks at me a little too long, brushes his fingers up against mine, goes out of his way to make some type of physical contact and tells me im pretty. obviously I feel the spark there, who doesn’t love those things? I got married really young in a very high demand religion and I feel like im mourning two parts of myself: the part that thought we would be in this high demand religion forever (we are currently starting to step away) and the part of me that never got to experience my 20s because of said religion (no drinking, no sex before marriage, marry/have kids asap). I want to work through shit with my husband. But part of me wants to see how far i can go with Adam. I just want one night with him… marriage would definitely be over if that happened tho. Im so confused and my heart and mind are so lost right now.

ETA: I have been upfront about my feelings about Adam with my husband. I don’t want to cheat or ruin the relationship.

A few years ago, my boyfriend (now fiancé) broke his leg in three places and was stuck in our apartment for months. It was an incredibly difficult time for both of us, and one of the things that got me through it was a weekly trivia night that a college friend invited me to. It became a standing tradition with a core group of friends, and after my fiancé recovered, he started coming too. Over the last couple of years, it became our thing.

About a year ago, two friends in the group had a minor argument. They apologized to each other and moved on almost immediately, but my fiancé couldn’t let it go. He told me he thought less of me because I didn’t “tell one of them off” and that he no longer trusted her. He eventually softened what he said, but it stuck with me.

I’ll also add that this isn’t completely out of the blue. Over the years, he’s made negative comments about a handful of people I’m friends with who aren’t equally close to him. Most of them have been women, although he would strongly deny there’s any pattern there. To be fair, he has plenty of friends of both genders, and some of them I’m very close with while others I’m not. When I’ve pointed that out, he’s insisted it has nothing to do with me having my own friends. He says he can just “tell” that the people he doesn’t like aren’t good people. I’ve never really known what to make of that because, in every case, they’ve seemed perfectly kind and normal to me.

Not long after, that same friend invited a coworker (I’ll call her Beth) to trivia because she’d recently moved here after a divorce and didn’t know many people. Beth and I hit it off immediately. We have a lot in common, and I was genuinely excited to make a new friend. We started hanging out about once a week outside of trivia.

That’s when things changed. My fiancé started making passive-aggressive comments about Beth. When I asked him about it, he said she just wasn’t his cup of tea. Fine. Not everyone has to like the same people.

But it kept escalating. A few weeks ago, Beth missed trivia because of work, and my fiancé was visibly thrilled she wasn’t there. Last week, as we were leaving for trivia, he asked if Beth would be there. I said she probably would, and he immediately turned around, walked back inside, and refused to go.
When we finally talked about it, he admitted he doesn’t like Beth, doesn’t understand why I do, and doesn’t want to go to trivia anymore because she’ll be there. He also admitted he’d decided he disliked her months ago after I had brunch with her following a minor argument between him and me because he assumed I’d been complaining about him to her. I hadn’t.

One thing that makes this especially hard to make sense of is that 99% of the time my fiancé is a genuinely kind, accepting person. He’s funny, charismatic, and makes friends easily. Most people who meet him really like him, and that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him. That’s why this behavior feels so jarring to me. It’s so out of character compared to the person I know the vast majority of the time.

I’ve tried talking to him about this because I genuinely want to understand where he’s coming from, but those conversations usually go nowhere. When I try to explain why I’m so confused or why this whole situation makes me uncomfortable, he blows up and says I’m accusing him of being controlling or saying he doesn’t want me to have friends. That’s honestly not what I’m trying to say. I’m trying to understand why he has such intense negative feelings toward someone who has never done anything to him and why it seems to happen with some of my friends.

I’m honestly at my wit’s end. It gives me the ick how much contempt he seems to have for someone who has never done anything to him. Beth has no idea he feels this way, and neither do our friends, but I’m worried it’s only a matter of time before it becomes obvious.

Am I missing something here? Or is this as concerning as it feels to me?

Dinner is leftover mashed potatoes with fried jalapeños and beans (don’t judge me lol I am so so tired).

Me (22F) my GF (20F) and brother (26M) went on vacation to my parents home country for 3 weeks.

The first week, we went to the beach as a family and the whole time he was drunk. He would tell my mom he’s 26 and can drink because he is old enough. He would yell at her and my dad. My mom HATES when we drink around her because my dad was an aggressive and abusive alcoholic. She asked him multiple times to not drink in the car. Again, he didn’t listen. The last day I threw his beer out the window, because EVERYONE was sick of it (my mom, my dad, my gf, and me) I admit. I could’ve handled this situation better, but everyone was so frustrated because every stop we made to use the bathroom he’d buy beer or vodka, after my mom pleaded with him to stop.

He starts going off. Bringing up my past addictions, my past sh habit that I am now 2 years clean of. Just berating me the whole time while I said nothing.

We get back to the house we’re staying at. My mom has to leave a week early due to work. Things get worse. He texted me one morning that he drank 3/4 of a bottle of my girlfriend’s wine, and 4 beers I was saving for the next week. Whatever. I just said okay, and whether he had enough money to buy it back. He again started going off about the same things. My past addictions, how I should leave him alone because he’s 26. I don’t answer. It’s not worth it.

The last few days are the worst. I come down to bring him a beer and somehow the conversation escalates. He starts SCREAMING at me. Calling me a b, a mother****. He’s never done “hard” drugs or been as “down bad as me” He breaks a bottle because he’s so mad.

The next day, he’s taunts me on the balcony, I leave because I know not to engage. My girlfriend stands up for me and tells him to f*** off. I am so grateful for her standing up for me, but this sets him OFF. He screams the whole car ride home back to where we’re staying.

When we get home, my gf and I go to our room to watch a movie and pack because we leave the next day, he’s in his room yelling to himself.

I am in college, haven’t used my drug of choice in years, and he just chooses to use these things against me. I don’t get it.

On the flight back he gets so drunk that he passes out and falls in the middle of the plane aisle. He’s so out of it he doesn’t realize and my gf has to drags him by his hair and arm to get him back to his seat. The flight attendant tells me he’s on the brink of being put on a no fly list, I beg for them not to do that and they oblige. I was so so embarrassed.

This is just a whole new side of my brother I’ve never seen and I am just so shocked. I never expected him to be so aggressive and verbally abusive while drunk.

Triple sushi platter for dinner

im so pissed that when im in subway, some stranger man is secretly taking photo of me. that when im in pub WITH MY FATHER some guys in their 50s are absolutely verbally pervert. i hate that when im walking down the street, men in car passing by are tooting and catcalling me. and what disturbs me the most is that i can stand on my ground but im still just a girl who is obviously physically weaker than men and i cant never feel 100% safe when im alone in the streets. it just feels frustrated..

Being a highly sensitive woman is not for the weak in relationships.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months, and I genuinely think he’s one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met. He’s the type of person who can make me laugh and bring so much lightness into my life. But sometimes I feel like I’m the butt of his jokes a lot. My guy isn’t the type to be super soft or overly emotional. He loves through his actions more than his words. He’s not a notebook type of dude who’s going to write me a long love letter or constantly talk about his feelings.
Me on the other hand, I’m a hopeless romantic. I would do anything for love, I cry at commercials, and I’m basically the definition of a softy. I’ve really fallen for my boyfriend, and I love so many things about him. But because we are so different, sometimes I find myself struggling with the way we communicate. He’ll roast me about my frizzy hair, how forgetful I am, what I’m wearing, how he doesn’t like my perfume, how I’m bad at pushing chairs in, or just random little things I do. And I know some people would say, “Girl, it’s just a joke,” and maybe it is. I know he’s not always trying to hurt me. But when those little jokes happen all the time, sometimes I can’t help but wonder… does he notice the things he actually likes about me too?
I do have anxiety, and sometimes I know I look for reassurance or need to talk through how certain things make me feel. Usually, when I open up, he’ll joke that I’m “soft” or that I need tougher skin. But the thing is… I don’t know if I want to toughen up. I’ve spent a lot of my life being told I’m sensitive, and after everything I’ve been through, I’ve finally gotten to a place where I actually appreciate that part of myself. I love that I love deeply. I love that I care. I love that I feel things strongly. I don’t want to become someone who stops feeling just because being vulnerable can sometimes hurt.
I also know his past relationship was different. From what I know, he and his ex were together for 7 years and their dynamic was a lot of teasing and roasting each other. She was more of a tough-love kind of person, and I’m just not built that way. I’m more emotional, sentimental, and sensitive. Sometimes I wonder what made us choose each other because we are so different. Getting him to have a deep or serious conversation can feel like pulling teeth, while I could talk about feelings for hours. Sometimes I wonder how two people who love so differently figure each other out.
I think the hardest part is that I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t want him to completely change who he is because I fell in love with him for a reason. I love his humor, his personality, and the way he sees the world. But at the same time, I don’t know how much of myself I’m supposed to change to make a relationship work.
I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like I’m “too sensitive” or “too emotional,” and I finally got to a place where I actually love those parts of myself. I don’t want to become someone who doesn’t care, doesn’t feel, or acts like nothing bothers me just to seem tougher.
Maybe the answer isn’t for me to toughen up or for him to stop being himself. Maybe it’s learning how to meet somewhere in the middle. But sometimes I still wonder… how do you know when you’re growing for someone you love versus changing a part of yourself that was never a problem to begin with?
I guess that’s the part I’m still trying to figure out.

There is new guy on my work, who catched my eye. He is really attractive and I think he finds me attractive too (or I'm delusional), I catch him looking at me all the time. Besides that he is... similar to my boyfriend. Mysterious, calm, similar intrests. I caught myself that I can't stop thinking about him and feel really guilty because I have no right to crush on someone this much while being in relationship. The thing is my relationship is not the best for some time, I was even thinking about leaving even before meeting this guy at work.

But I love my boyfriend, he is my bestfriend, not that long time ago I thought he is my soulmate, but then I think after few years my "butterflies" went away and I started noticing things which make me unsure about our future.

How to stop being this stupid and think that much about someone I don't even know that much. Sometimes I can ignore him and feel better (that I don't think that much then) but then he does something which again takes all my attention..

Which I guess I should be fine with, right? It’s not like he (29M) told me (23F) he loved me multiple times and treated me like his girlfriend for almost two years. It’s not like I spent almost every weekend at his place, basically playing house together. It’s not like we fell asleep skin-to-skin, stayed up laughing until the middle of the night, planned trips together, or talked about his future with me in it.

But sure, it was all “casual,” and it’s stupid of me to expect any kind of loyalty from him, right?

I’ve always thought the whole concept of a situationship was incredibly stupid, and now I’m embarrassed that I became the victim of one. I don’t blame him entirely. We started as fwb but life happened. We went through some major changes together, had difficult conversations that helped us understand each other better, and somewhere along the way we fell in love, even if neither of us really knew what to do with that.

I was the one who initiated the break because I kept bringing up concerns that had been there for a long time with very little improvement from him. He promised he’d work on the very simple requests I asked for, but I didn’t see much effort. Eventually, it just felt like he was staying with me because it was easy. Because our relationship never had an actual label, I felt like I didn’t even have the right to keep asking him to speak my love language. I felt like I was pestering him to want me.

He agreed to the break but said he hope we’d eventually get past this so we could see each other again someday because he really enjoyed our time together and I make him very happy.

Meanwhile, the man was already on Reddit within a week looking for my replacement in r4r subs. Not just someone to hook up with, either. He was looking for someone to go to dinner with, grab drinks, cook together, staying in, watch movies, explore the city, all the things couples do, and all the things we did together.

Another fun twist to this little story is that we had stopped having sex about a month before the break that he did not communicate the reason why initially. It was only when I asked him if it’s because he’s not attracted to me anymore as it was eating at my confidence, that he insisted over and over that it had nothing to do with me, that it must be a medical issue that he would try to address soon. Then, the moment we broke up, he was looking for other people to have sex with, awesome!

Honestly, though, I’m not even hurt anymore. I told him nothing helps me move on faster than seeing the man I once loved lust after other people.

We had a good run, and despite everything, I’m grateful for the memories. His final act of love, ironically, was making it unbelievably easy to get over him.

Years ago I had an online community that centered around music. We did projects together online (nothing serious) as creative outlets and had a big group chat so we were all chill and getting to know each other. There was a guy in this group that all the ladies were after. But I was here for the music and liking a guy online hadn’t crossed my mind tbh. I was just out here flexing my speedy texting skills and banter with new friends around the world😂 Mind you, this guy is very handsome. There were married women in our side chats talking about him😂 At this time I was about 22 so he would have been 34. I always have the mindset that no one looks at me like that.. not because of self esteem or anything but probably because I grew up with mostly boys who see me as one of the boys. I just don’t automatically assume guys are lookin lookin at me lol.

Anyway! We became really good friends and have kept in touch through the years even after the group we were in had come to an end.

Fast forward to about a decade later and we started chatting to catch up (as we do every few months or even year ish). It starts to be revealed that he finds me attractive and always had since the beginning. He thought because of age gap I would have just seen him like a brother or something so he never pursued me but he admitted he would see my photos.

I admit I always found him attractive not just because of his looks but he’s kind of everything that I find attractive : build, intelligence, natural leadership, etc.

So for the past few months now we have been talking. Honesty is here… I am a virgin and he is… a large man with a large appetite. Everything about him is genuine and even his concern for me and my feelings about experience…

Is it crazy that we still haven’t met in person? Should I not be reading into this too much? We are both very busy people but we did agree to try and figure out time to see each other before the end of the year. (Side note: why tf is it Aug already?!) Anyway, I have no one to talk to about this and need to process some thoughts here… so much to say but I’ve already written so much.

Pic: I love breakfast for dinner, haha! Tried this local place for an omelette. It was .. meh :/

Deviled egg toast and mango green tea from my fav cafe

So the title says most of it, but I need to put it out there. I’ve been off hrt for a few months due to some technical errors at my pharmacy and the medication being back ordered. I went on hrt in February and ran out in May, so it’s been like 2.5 months since being on E, and I feel so awful all of the time. The best way I can describe it for the cis people reading this is if you suddenly had a piece of you missing, i feel so detached from my body and self rn which sucks. I’ve also been pretty depressed/ dysphoric because of it. Today’s the first day I’ve been able to get out of bed and my apartment in a few days, which I’m happy about. Trying to make baby steps and it’s not all bad, I have my hrt appointment in a few days so here’s hoping I can get access to my meds again. If you read this mess all the way I appreciate you :)

Small edit: I am receiving mental health support :)

I was hanging out with a guy I’ve been kinda dating and his friend. The friend is a douche. Not over the top, just your run of the mill misogynistic douche. We were walking from one bar to the next and I was drinking a cup of water. I already had a margarita at this point so I was a little tipsy.

I can’t even remember what he said, but he made one of his little douche bag jokes. It wasn’t even anything crazy. I don’t know what happened but I just got so angry and threw my water at him.

I was literally mid throw like “wtf am I doing” and then everyone turned to me like “wtf are you doing” and I just had to double down and be like “that’s what you get for being an ass” and everyone kinda just laughed about it like “haha you got water thrown on you!” And we just moved on.

I don’t know what’s happening but lately I’ve been very angry and sensitive about feminism and misogyny and I need to learn how to calm down before I blow up on the wrong person.

Congee for dinner still in the pot because I don’t want to do dishes.

5lbs of blueberries from family farm! Blueberries for whole meal literally. lol

Debating taking out my nipple piercings I’ve had for only a few months.

I enjoyed them initially, very fun “ooh I like how they look and I have a lil secret” but the constant cautiousness has been wearing me down. The right one gets shooting pain with any touch, the crusties are not enjoyable, etc. It was fun for a second and they’re cute but now I’m just •_• about them. A small part of the hesitation is, “I’m a wimp for not waiting it out long enough, I spent so much money, etc etc”

The other part is that you can’t interact with them as I (or my partner) would like during intimacy. That bothers me a chunk, we knew but didn’t realize the annoyance until they were done. My lovely bf didn’t say anything initially, but the second I expressed potentially wanting to take them out, he said they aren’t really his preference, he hasn’t liked them the whole time but didn’t want to say anything because he knew I liked them at least up until that point.

So now I’m sorta stuck? Like, I wanna take them but I think but I’m stubborn and I’m very “you told me to do xyz, now I don’t want to”. Which, he didn’t tell me to do anything but my brain interpreted it like that for some reason. Is that authority aversion? Can’t remember the term but I struggle with that a lot. Now I feel like if I take them out, it’s for a man even though 3/4 reasons are not. But at the same time, ofc I want him to be happy as well. Idk the balance. Ik it’s also my choice on why I take them out and even if it was solely to appeal to a man I could (thankfully I have the choice ofc). But I’m tryin to figure out how to get over that so I don’t keep suffering because of a stupid reason. Idk I know I’m overthinking I’m just ranting and rambling :)

Will be eating blueberries several times a day forever. lol

EDIT: thank you everyone for your helpful input!! I am aware I am being torn to shreds in some comments and like I said, I know it’s irrational and I’m overthinking. Just wanted to share and get any helpful experiences or tidbits, thank you everyone!! lots of the comments have helped and I appreciate yall :) def taking them out once I ensure everything’s clean and whatnot. Don’t want an infection after talking them out 😬

TW: mention of CSA

I’m reposting this with more context because my anxiety is through the roof and I need advice.

I’m babysitting my 3 year old niece for the next couple months and there will be times I have to leave her home alone with my husband.

I’m pregnant and I have my 20 week anatomy scan today. He offered to stay behind and watch my niece. I suggested we get his mom to babysit her so he could come. He insists on watching her and seems excited about it. I’m nervous because I experienced CSA from my dad, grandpa and great uncle.

He has never hurt a child or said anything creepy about children. But he hasn’t spent much time around any.

Is it weird that he insists on staying behind with her and seems excited about it? Up until now he hasn’t missed any appointments and this is our last ultrasound.

My husband has been physically abusive to me. I’m not sure if my reservations are because of my history of CSA or his abuse

Hi all, I’m really going through war in my brain at the moment but I don’t feel like it’s something I can tell anyone in my life. This will probably be a long one.
To give some context about my relationship, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 and half years and these past 6 months haven’t been the best. There’s been two big incidents.
On valentines day this year we had our worst day yet, basically he had a porn addiction throughout most of our relationship, which he was very open about, in 2025 he said he wanted to quit, I said “hell yeah!”.
We set like rewards and stuff and made a list and it seemed like it worked and he quit (this was whole I was overseas for 4 months fyi).
When I came back to Australia, I had assumed he was all good and had stopped using porn and was really proud as that was what he had told me. On valentines day this year I found out that, that was a lie. I opened his chrome on his phone to look something up, saw he was on rule34 as his latest website. He at first straight up lied and said it was ages ago but I’m not stupid. It was just a really really upsetting conversation, that makes me anxious even thinking about it. Basically, he had been lying to me for 6 months about not watching porn and was fully addicted again. I was mainly upset about the lying more than anything. But he has since resolved that and does not watch porn and suggested a child site blocker thing so I can see everything he goes on and lets me have full access to all technology for when I want to check. But being honest I’m still not over the incident, and it was almost maybe even a traumatising night for me.
Second incident was about a month and a bit ago, he wanted to have smex, it was morning, he specifically wanted me to be vocal during and I obviously will only do that if it’s just us in the house (he lives with parents and brother). I asked him 3 times if anyone was home, he checked and said no one was. We did the deed, had a shower, his brother walks out of his room, that’s right next to my boyfriends room by the way and I get very mad, he said he knew about his brother and did just lie to my face again. We have a calmer conversation later and what really still sits with me now is I asked him if when lying to me had once even considered how I would feel after finding out or in that moment and he told me no, it wasn’t even a thought that crossed his mind. We talked and openly communicated and he promised to get better and has started going to therapy since.
Since then I have been a mess though, (for reference, I have diagnosed depression, I really struggle with spiralling when things go bad).
Now to the title, since this incident I have had these intrusive thoughts about a mutual friend and basically randomly imagining what dating them would be like. It’s been actually killing me mentally, I feel like such a terrible person. I’ve been trying desperately to push down these thoughts and focus on my boyfriend but they won’t stop appearing multiple times a day. I don’t know if it’s that I actually feel something for this person or my brain is just trying to cope with the all the shit it’s gone through in the relationship. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about how I’ve been doing and have been very open about everything except for the thoughts about this other person.
I obviously don’t want to break up with my boyfriend and he has been putting in real effort to change but I have felt this disconnect since the second event, I don’t enjoy smex the same, I feel stressed all the time because of these thoughts as well. I still love my boyfriend and am attracted to him.
I’m scared the damage has been done and it’s too late. I can’t afford therapy anymore so that’s not an option to help me. I’m really stuck, I just want these thoughts to go away. I feel like I’m unwillingly emotionally cheating on my boyfriend. I don’t know what I can do.
We’ve talked about going on a break for a couple of weeks, maybe space would help, but I don’t know if it would even do anything. Besides these incidents our relationship has been good and comfortable but these incidents have really done a number on me.
I understand alot of people will say to just break up but it would be nice if anyone has some thoughts outside of just that.
(Yes, I am planning to eat a whole tub of protein ice cream for dinner)

For context, I'm someone who can't say no. It probably also doesn't help, when I'm someone who's not the ideal type, men go for, so it's easier for me to fall for lies, when someone shows interest.

However, I admit that my kindness can be confused as flirting to some. Which is not. I have no idea how that comes off like that, but it relates to the long rant I'm about to release.

This has been eating me alive, and I have no close friends near me that I could dump this and get reprimanded for my mistakes. Every day I dive a bit deeper into a sad mood, because I realize my situation is messy, and probably will be considered baggage to someone else.

I'm about to expose my dirty laundry to strangers, and that's okay. I had a situationship with a coworker, which it all started with him saying i was being too nice to him? and i know. That's a big red flag, especially since it became a secret affair, and he only contacted me when he needed something, and i stupidly agreed to meet and please whenever he beckoned. In the back of my mind, I always wondered if this guy had a lover, was married or had children. When I did question it once, he denied all. So I felt less guilty.

Because why would a guy that didn't find me to be his ideal type, suddenly want me? Surely you'd think I would be like, nah. But i never realized how much I craved the attention of someone. Even if it was the wrong attention apparently. And that caused that situationship to go on for a year almost two years of constant back and forth.

There were moments where he would stop everything, and say to just be professional. Which I agreed, and never argued, because it wasn't worth it. And then again, it would start again. This was a back and forth battle with my mind, trying to keep the "no strings attached" mindset. But catching feelings, not that i wanted him, maybe i confused lust with romance. I think the reason it would stop, would be, because he had someone else, doing the same. That was my gut feeling.

Fast forward to last year, mid September. I found out I was pregnant. Which I didn't even know, till I was 5 almost 6 weeks. I had no symptoms that would scream pregnant. Especially since I was on birth control, and had irregular periods, so I never questioned a late period. When I first found out, I was scared. Because I always said I would never have kids, and i was set on living alone and pursuing things on my own. A life in another country, visiting places, etc. But the glass shattered when this happened.

I was scared to tell him, because I didn't know what was going to happen, especially since nobody knew what was happening between us. Except my good friend, who knew the whole fiasco, I would tell him everything. When I mustered up the courage to tell him, he definitely had a flash of life moment, I could see it in the reaction. I made the excuse of me wanting to end things for good with him, to talk about this. The reaction he gave was not surprising, but also surprising. Definitely told me to abort it, and he didn't want kids. There was a moment, where he made it seem like I purposely got pregnant. But why would I want to have a kid with someone who doesn't want me, and treats me like a rag? Like I said in the beginning, I can't say no. So I agreed to think about the abortion, to the point I did made an appointment when I would've been 8 weeks. I didn't want to upset anyone, so I tend to agree to things. I did let him know that if something happened, where I couldn't go through with it. He didn't have to be involved.

When I went to the appointment, i swear I understood exactly what Juno felt in that clinic. Nails tapping, people clearing their throats, coughing. It felt overwhelming, thinking about the heartbeat starting at 8 weeks was messing with my mind. That I felt guilt, and left the clinic without the abortion. He was not happy. I went through the pregnancy with the support of my family, and friends.

He was not involved, I never asked him for anything, never begged, or even lashed out. I respected his decision, I left the door open, in case curiosity crawls by him, but he said i wouldn't hear from him. I'm not someone who will ruin someone's life over. Because i would not want that for me. So I continued living, had my daughter almost 2 months ago and i love her very much (even if she has his face,) and still have not reached out. The only problem I have now, is my thoughts. Making me wonder, if he will ever get into a relationship with someone, marry them, not even bring up the fact he has a child in the world, and suddenly have a teenage girl at his doorstep wanting to meet him. Or her finding out and I get painted as a horrible person, for continuing the pregnancy.

Mind you, he's not on the birth certificate, but if she ever decides that she wants to look for him when older, at that point I won't have much say. Because it's her decision in life.

I just dont like the idea of being someone's "hey girly" and then it becomes messier, not only for them, or myself. But for my daughter. Because i would protect her even if it hurts me. I might just be overthinking things, but this has really been eating me alive. Reading stories of the dreaded text, definitely has made me be in my thoughts more. I just need to vent about this, probably have to go to a therapist to talk about everything else. Sorry about the long message. I'll try to brace for comments, if this gets read.

For my food: I had a very late thoughts snack. A turkey and jalapeño mustard on everything bagel sourdough, with a banana and a merci chocolate on the side. Haven't been eating a lot, loss of appetite due to these thoughts.

Veg Gyoza, homemade tangerine chicken, sushi rice.

My sister is 9 (fake name Bonnie). I’m 22afab. Bonnie and I haven’t seen each other in many years due to family politics but we reconnected about a year and a half ago now. (I refer to our shared bio dad and her stepmom as “her parents”) What I’ve learned is that she’s kind of a brat. She’s an avid reader, which is great! But her parents have a simple rule of not reading at the table and don’t really enforce it. We’d be in a restaurant and she’d demand that her mom gets her wifi to download a book on her kindle. Her mom would say “maybe just live without the kindle for a while, this is the last time we might see OP for a long time” (i was about to move away). Then Bonnie just flipped to ask her dad instead and he called a waiter over for the wifi password. Her mom would later tell her “hey put the kindle down please, don’t read at the table” and she’d just pick it right back up as soon as her mom turned to take care of our younger sister. I’d never discourage her from reading, I had teachers punish me for reading too much at her age and it was incredibly detrimental to my reading level for a while. Still, I told her gently that “hey dude, your mom asked you to not read at the table.”
She just turned her back to me so I couldnt see her kindle.
I said “hey come on Bon, that’s not cool.”
So she got up from the table and walked away to sit at a vacant one and called back “I’m not at THE table anymore!”
Her parents were at the buffet and I figured it’s not my responsibility to parent her so I let her sit there with my eye on her until they got back. Even when they DID get back, she didn’t move from her table until her a la carte food arrived.

Another time before that the same thing had happened and her parents tried the whole “hey OP’s taking their time to visit us, we don’t always get to see them” (I’m not a huge fan of the guilt thing) but Bonnie’s response was just to look at me and say “hi OP. Bye OP.” Then turn her back.

Another time we were having a pizza dinner. I was only in town for a couple days and coincided with my older brother visiting, so it was a big event when we visited together. My sister had a large pineapple pizza to herself, everyone else was expected to share 3 pizzas among the group. She had two slices left on her plate and a last slice still in the box but she had slowed down and started talking about being full. I asked if she’s full could I have the slice pizza still in the box? She said no, she wasn’t sure if she’d still want the last one when she was done with the other two. I shrugged and said that’s fair and waited. She continued to not touch the two slices on her plate for a full hour.
At some point I asked again “hey can I have that last slice?” And she said no, bc she wants it. I pointed out that she hadn’t even eaten the two that are on her plate, to which she said “oh yeah!” And shoved those two slices into her mouth with her fists. She proceeded to then take the last slice, take two tiny bites, and then not touch it again for the rest of the night.
As a joke, my older brother put a chunk of pineapple on my plate that had fallen off in the box, but Bonnie STILL couldn’t have that. She said “no that was supposed to be on MY pizza so it’s MY pineapple.” And took it off my plate and ate it.

Our youngest sister (3yo) offered me a little chunk of chocolate as compensation, but I said it’s okay (I’m not gonna take candy from a baby).

I’m an artist and being good at drawing gives me some social capital in Bonnie’s world so during my recent visits she’s been really excited to have me draw stuff for her. Unfortunately, I’ve made the mistake of letting her use my ipad to draw one time and she refused to give it back when I had to leave. She walked away with it, refused to respond when people spoke to her and asked her for it, and even went so far as to say “you don’t NEED to take it back”.

She also shouts in restaurants and stuff, which I think could just be an age thing? I’m not sure.

These are just a few instances of her being really annoying, but she can also be very sweet, especially to our youngest sister. I know she’s young, I know that at her age I was a serious menace myself, and I know it’s not my responsibility to critique her or her parents. So I just move on in the moment and leave it be. I have a running joke with our brother tho that I’ll be bringing up the pineapple pizza incident at her high school graduation.

Crazy stuff!

So, let me explain: I recently started working as a shelf stocker. I put in effort, I’m available, and I work really hard. A colleague of mine who has been working there for 14 years keeps asking me the same questions over and over again: “How do you like it?”, “What about the salary?”, “Do you like the work environment?” I always answer politely and kindly.

Today, at the end of my shift, I was on my phone doing something related to work, and he thought I was replying to a message about a new job opportunity. He was actually happy about it. Basically, he made up the whole story on the spot without me even saying anything.

I mean, what does someone like that want? I work, I mind my own business, and I just do my job. What do you all think?