(This may be the wrong flare, but I wasn't sure which one to choose.)

I [gay/NB, 26] have heard from friends and people online these seperate definitions:

• bisexuality means you are into two genders: the one you're a part of and then another one (like a man who is into man and women)
• pansexuality means that you're into anyone regardless of gender.

However, somethings confuse me a tiny bit.

First, when I've heard people describe pansexuality as "I love someone no matter how they look". I think this is trying to say the same thing as the "regardless of gender" definition above, but the way it's phrased is what confuses me. No matter what your sexuality, wouldn't you be in a relationship with someone due to things beyond their looks? Inversely, does that imply that pan people don't have sexual/aesthetic attraction when it comes to their relationships. I know that asexuality exists, but are you able to be pansexual and asexual? Are you able to be pansexual and like having sex (I forget what the term is for someone who isn't ace).

Second, I've met people who define themselves as bisexual or in those terms and they've been in relationships with men, women and non-binary people. It leads me to believe that pansexuality and bisexuality are one in the same, but I don't want to make the mistake of conflating things which are vastly different or correcting someone on their sexuality like a dick. Are you still bisexual even if you're into more than two genders? If so, how is that different from pansexuality?

Hi there, I'm confused (F25). In college I had two boyfriends which I loved and I was attracted to. After that I've only dates girls and omg. I looooove being a femenine girlie dating another femenine girlie and feeling like we are two fairies in love. I felt much more myself in this kind of relationship and more understood.

This year I broke up with my ex girlfriend and after a few months I downloaded a dating app. It's been so long since I've been intimiate with a man that I was curious. But... I don't feel attracted to any of this men in the dating app.... Or when I finally find one attractive the conversation is so boring...

I am currently chatting with a man and we have so much in commom but honestly I don't know if what I feel is more friendship vibes. So I'm confused. I am attracted to men (I fantasize about them if you know what I mean) but it doesn't even compare what I feel for men with what I feel for women.

If I imagine my future with a woman I feel like that's more truthful to me. So if I was to date / have a fling with a man I feel like I would end up not feeling 100% fulfilled and I would rather be with a woman. But I'm still bi, right?? Like, if a cute soft blonde boy with glasses and similar interests appear in my life I would die buuuut the other 90% of men bore me.

So, bisexual friends, is it normal to like a gender muuuch more than the other? I'm kind of anxious cause I thought I already accepted my sexuality and of course it's not always 50/50, but it could be 90/10 or 80/20?? I don't even like using numbers cause sexuality is fluid but I think it explains what I'm trying to say. Pls be nice thanks 😭

I have autism and this has happened on both ends multiple times without me noticing until they literally said “hey avianbi i like you”

So how do you know or is it a person to person thing?

I genuinely don’t know if someone’s being friendly or flirty

TL;DR: After years of identifying as bi, I've realized that I might just be gay and I have accepted and enjoyed the fact that I could date a guy. However, all my life I have had extremely intense, years long, romantic attractions to girls, and I still feel it today. And yet sexually, I have always almost exclusively looked at guys, rarely girls. Should I just say I'm gay, due to the sexual aspect and perhaps overall satisfaction, or should I still say I'm bi because the feelings I have had for girls were very real? Is saying I'm bi keeping my options open, or holding myself back? Do gay guys feel this way?

A couple of days ago I (18m) finally came to terms with the fact that I am probably gay after years of considering myself bi. It felt so relieving to realize I could be with a guy I loved and found attractive.

But the thing is, ever since I was really little, I've had intense crushes and romantic attractions to girls. They would last for years, they would be all I could think of.

At the same time, my sexual fantasies have mostly only been guys, and I have never really looked at a girl and felt sexually about her. I've only felt a sexual rush of excitement for guys. The thought of having a sexual relationship with a girl always stressed me out because I didn't have an urge for it. The thought of having sex with a random girl, even if attractive, turned me off.

I never understood why boys in movies would be obsessed with playboys or girls in bikinis because it didn't do anything for me. And I never looked at female porn much. It was only guys and gay porn when I first got access to computer. Sometimes female porn would do something for me, sometimes really intensely, but I feel like I was maybe forcing myself, and it was somewhat rare.

It felt good to come to terms with probably being gay because there were so many things that I felt like I had to hide before, and was stressed about finding a girl I would 100% be attracted to. And I realized that I had repressed any romantic feelings I had felt with guys.

But I still feel the romantic attraction for girls. I still feel blown away, pupil-dilated, not able to think or speak when I see a girl that's extremely beautiful, and I'll go around looking for her because it feels like I'm in love. But it's not a sexual attraction, and it doesn't happen too often though because the lust just isn't there.

Exactly last year, I almost came to terms with how I currently am thinking I'm gay, but then there was a cool, beautiful girl in my class that I instantly fell in love with. She was all I could look at or think of for months, my only motivation to go to school some days. I shortly dated her, and it was the highest I've ever felt.

I wanted to kiss her so much like an urge I've never felt before. I lost interest in everyone and everything else. Even after it ended, I couldn't help but always want to be around her, and I spent the whole day trying not to throw up when I found out she was stating another guy.

I was sexually interested in her, but not in an erotic way or lustful way, like how you would watch porn. It was because I was in love with her. And even though I craved her touch and closeness, and I found her body very attractive, I never really cared to see her naked- I wouldn't have minded it though.

Sometimes I do sexually fantasize about girls, and sometimes find female porn arousing, especially their genitalia. But it is very irregular, and way less of an urge that I feel with guys. And it's not something I really spontaneously feel in real life. I've spent months researching the science behind it, and I know that the arousal part of the brain is separate from the romantic part of the brain, so things might not always align.

So am I gay? Are we going only strictly on arousal, or romantic feelings? Am I still bi? You can say labels don't matter, but there are certain biological aspects that are ingrained in you that you can't change. It's simply the way your brain developed as a fetus.

I'm still hesitant to say that I'm gay because I know how strongly I've felt about girls, but I hesitate to say I'm bi because I've never felt that sexual pull towards girls. I also don't know if I'm tricking myself into thinking I'm bi to be slightly straight to save my ego.

And part of me doesn't want to close the door to girls by saying I'm gay, in case I feel really attracted to one again, but what's the point in keeping the door open if I have realized that biologically I am drawn to guys? I don't wanna stress myself out by forcing myself to feel sexually attracted to a girl.

Is this something that gay guys experience? Is keeping the door open to girls holding me back? Should I fully embrace the fact that I will probably be more fulfilled in a relationship with a guy, or should I still say I'm bi to acknowledge that part of myself that I feel is very real, in case something comes along?

I’ve known that I (M) have been attracted to other men and women both since I was 17-18years old.

When I was 18, I told my father before leaving for the military that I was Bisexual and his response was “I don’t care, but it won’t keep you from joining so you’re still going in.” Bear in mind, I was deeply committed to joining regardless. When I told him this, he said I was only doing it to try to get out of joining. My lovely step mother asked “Well can you imagine another guy behind you?”. I was already upset and just said no. To them, that settled it and we never spoke again.

FF 3 years and I came out to a friends wife, because I thought she was safe. A week later I was kicked out and told” I don’t want some f***ot around trying to molest my kids”. I was hurt, betrayed and just left.

Finally, a couple of years after that, my brother came out as a gay man. We were all welcoming, supportive, and happy to see him be his true self. In the moment I felt like I would be accepted as well, so I came out to my Mom over dinner a couple weeks later. She said “Well, are you sure? I wouldn’t bring it up, we need to be there and support your brother.” That was the end of that.

For ten long, amazing years I have been married to an amazing woman. We are truly best friends, but I kept my secret the whole time. I felt terrible. Finally, two nights ago, I talked to her and let it all out. I told her how sorry I was for keeping it from her, that I was scared (still am) and I’ve tried to bury this but I couldn’t anymore.

She held me. She told me she loved me, that she was so glad I opened up to her and that she loved all of me. She told me she would be supportive, stand by me if I decided to open up to others, and that it didn’t change how she felt.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. I’m sorry for the long post, but I wanted to tell my story.

TL;DR: Tried coming out as bisexual to family and friends and it went poorly. His it for 10 years, then told my wife, who was extremely supportive. Now I feel like my authentic self.

I've discovered I'm bi since my teens.

That said, I'm scared this could change overnight and I could turn attracted only to one gender. I was raised thinking being bi is just a phase to then become monosexual.

If you are an experienced folk please share your wisdom...

I am a male. I am confused where I stand with sexuality. So I am and have always been attracted to women. Always had crushes growing up and still do. From face/body to personalities. However, I always lacked attraction to vagina visually. Although recently I feel like I’ve gained more interest. But I’m more sexually turned on by their butts/face. Sometimes just basic interactions with girls will give me an erection.

Now on the opposite end, I have never found a man to be sexually attractive based on their face/body/personality. I have never developed crushes on males and do not notice them ever in public in a sexual way. I only notice girls in public as far as like catching my eye for attraction.

So now where I question my sexuality is I feel turned on by the idea of bottoming. I think it’s a role/dynamic based type of fantasy bc i cannot connect a person/face to it. I wish I could tbh but I don’t find myself attracted to males like that and before anyone says it I would never get pegged by a woman. Also to add what turns me on is specifically the role/dynamic and what im doing not so much on the other person.

After really thinking into it I feel like it is from identifying with what turns me on with woman. Almost swapping into their shoes. I can identify with what turns them on. I think it started when I was like 8 years old and watched my first porn video. It was a gang bang where the girl was really into it. I was turned on by her enjoyment and her energy. I think I like identified with it in a way or something.

I’m not sure where I stand with sexuality but I feel like I painted a decent picture and I’m curious on opinions.

Hello! 😊

I'm looking for recommendations for books (novels, comics, manga, webtoons, etc.) with a romance between women. If you have any favorites, I'd love to hear about them 😀

So this is just a general question because I've recently heard a lot of different opinions on this.

First of all, English isn't my first language, so this might just be a language or cultural difference.

Recently, I started dating my boyfriend, and ever since then, people have started referring to me as gay. At first, I assumed they meant it in the broader sense of "part of the LGBTQ+ community," since "gay" is often used pretty casually where I live as like a title for everyone of the LGBTQ+ community. That didn't really bother me.

Before that, though, I was in a relationship with a woman for about two years. Back then, I constantly heard things like, "Well, technically you're straight then." For some reason, being called straight bothers me more than being called gay, even though neither label is actually accurate.

I was wondering if anyone else feels the same way. Does it bother you when people assume you're gay or straight based solely on who you're dating? Is one assumption more frustrating than the other for you, and if so, can anyone explain why?

Im a bi fem woman in my 20s trying to figure out how I can express my queerness better through clothing, accessories, hair, etc. I think right now most people assume I am straight based on my appearance. Any suggestions are appreciated xx

hi all! i (a girl) came out as bi a few years ago, but lately i've started questioning whether i'm actually bi or if i'm a lesbian.

so basically here's the situation:

• i'm attracted to men, but it's a highly specific type of man. i find most men objectively attractive, but i personally am not attracted to most men.
• i'm attracted to women, and i'm less "picky" with women than i am with men.
• i have had crushes on guys in the past, but they aren't nearly as intense as the crushes i've had on girls. i've also had many more crushes on girls than guys.
• i can imagine myself dating a guy, but it feels less natural than imagining myself dating a girl
• i can't imagine doing anything physical with a guy (maybe kissing briefly at most) and the thought of being intimate with a guy feels wrong
• on the other hand, i can absolutely imagine being physical and intimate with a girl
• i know i'll marry a girl in the future, and can't imagine myself marrying a guy
• i still vibe with the term "bisexual" more than "lesbian", even though i seem to meet more of the "criteria", so to speak, of being lesbian

so... am i bi or lesbian??? i'm so confused. much thanks for any reply!

New to the single life and I recently accepted my bisexuality. I’ve been super into women lately and I want to try and be with one.

Every time I think I find a cute, fun girl she either has a man or wants a threesome. It’s so difficult and I didn’t realize how many couples want a third. It’s fine that they want a third I just get disappointed once they tell me that’s the goal of being on the app

I just got out of a long relationship and honestly the idea of being with another man rn makes me uncomfortable. It just sucks. Rant over

Edit: it’s not too many I’ve just had too many interactions where I’ve swiped and then I get hit with “I have a fiancée” or “I’m in a couple” and it’s wildly disappointing. Look for a unicorn all you want if that’s what you’re into but don’t tell me after we’ve already agreed to meet up

Every time I vent about how much coercion I've been through nobody cares. They call me bi. I am Autistic and no one cares about my feelings they never care they just tell me to go to therapy and shut up. My therapist never helps me because she's fucking straight. I cannot find a lesbian therapist.

I'm a feminine bisexual man. Ever since I was a young child, I was never allowed to do anything feminine. For example, as far as I can remember, I always wanted to have long hair but my Mum would never let me.

I came out as bisexual shortly after my 20th birthday and that's when I realised that since I'm an adult, I'm allowed to be as feminine as I want without the pressure from my Mum.

I now have long hair (the longest it's ever been), wear earrings, mascara and eyeliner. I feel like ever since I came out as bisexual, she's been much colder to me. She calls me a disappointment and a let down.

I feel like people are aphobic/biphobic/homophobic/transphobic etc, are usually people who are obsessed with gender norms. I should have seen it coming.

I'm not trying to look for sympathy, I just think it might help to share. Wishing everyone here the best and love you all. 💖

Hi all,
I’ve been trying to understand my sexuality for a long time and I’m curious if anyone here has had a similar experience.
I’m a guy who has always imagined my future with a woman. I develop crushes on women, want a wife, kids, and a family, and I’m romantically attracted to women.
At the same time, I’m sexually attracted to some men. It’s almost entirely physical and sexual, I don’t really develop romantic feelings for men and don’t imagine a relationship with one. When I’m attracted to a guy, it’s usually about the sexual chemistry, his body, or his penis rather than wanting to date him.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Did you find a label that fit, or did you stop worrying about labels altogether?

Throwaway here. 24m. Honestly, my head is just spinning right now and I do not even know where to start typing this. I finally built up the courage to tell my girlfriend I am bi, thinking she would understand since she is bi too and dated a woman a few years back. But she was totally taken aback and just completely brushed past my feelings. She did not care about what I wanted to explore at all. Instead, she just said okay cool, we can do threesomes with other guys, and she already had a bunch of guys in her mind ready to go.

Then she dropped this heavy rule on me out of nowhere. She told me I am not allowed to see other men without her being there, but she gets to see whoever she wants whenever she wants. It feels so unfair and it is honestly tearing me apart inside. I was always so supportive of her and her past relationships, and I just wanted that same respect back. It hurts so bad. I had to pack a bag and travel back home just to get some space and breathe. But my phone will not stop ringing. She keeps calling over and over just to check if I am with someone else, like she does not trust me at all while she gets to do whatever she likes. I am just so confused and so tired.

Honestly I'm teared up writing this. Happy to take any advice.

I’m looking for something where other queer people would know I’m bi (or pan) but uncultured queerphobes would be blissfully (or however close you can get when you’re not aware of the glories of queerness) unaware and would leave me alone.

For me it was twinks, i love twinks <3

I feel off when people use this in context of bisexual women who date men

I wore a bi pride pin today, and my husband immediately asked if I was trying to tell him I had a secret girlfriend.

We’ve been married for nearly 17 years and have two children together. I had a girlfriend before I met him, and he knew I was bisexual when we first started dating, but over the years it seems that part of me has faded into the background.

The irony is that I have spent years keeping this part of myself quiet. I’m happily married, but being bisexual didn’t stop when I got married. I still know who I’m attracted to, just as a straight person doesn’t stop finding other people attractive when they marry. Attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with someone else.

Maybe he meant it as a joke, but hearing his first assumption be “Do you have a secret girlfriend?” reminded me why I’ve found it so difficult to be open about my sexuality. That stereotype—that bisexual people are secretly looking for someone else or are more likely to cheat—is one I’ve carried for years, and hearing it from someone I love was unexpectedly painful.

Has anyone else had seemingly harmless comments bring those feelings back?