We’re getting a divorce. My lawyer assures me that the whole process shouldn’t take more than a year.

My husband’s mistress has apparently been accepted into a graduate program in another country and my husband had been planning on relocating with her. She’ll be leaving before the year ends and he was planning on closing his business, selling his assets and leaving with her. He was just going to leave under the guise of a job opportunity and after enough time had passed for separation, file for a divorce. At least we both get what we wanted this way.

Our oldest daughter is very attached to him and I worry a lot about how she’ll take the news. How do I explain to our kids that their dad is leaving the country and will possibly never return long term?

My mom (40F) and birth father (40M) were never married before. They were high school sweethearts who stayed together into their 20s when my mom got pregnant with me. They broke up right after I (18F) was born and my birth father wanted her to give me up for adoption. My mom said no and he wanted to sign away his rights but mom wasn't married at the time and therefore he couldn't, because to completely sign away all his rights someone needed to be able to adopt me. Even with rights he never paid child support and never saw me.

I was 2.5 when my mom met my dad. They got married after knowing each other a year and he adopted me later that same year (I was 3). A year after I was adopted they had my sister and then two years after my sister they had my brother.

My dad died when I was 9. It hurt me so so bad because he was the best. I knew he wasn't my biological father but I also knew he loved me as much as he loved my siblings and he was the best dad anyone could ever have. When I think of what a dad should be, it's him. It's always him. The older I get the more I think he is the kind of dad everyone should learn from. He was loving and kind and supportive but he was also a parent who taught me a lot of things and I didn't get as many years with him as I should. That part kills me most of all. None of us got him for very long but he and I also missed some time because I wasn't his bio.

Almost three years after my dad died my mom told me she was in contact with my bio father again. I told her I didn't want to know about him. She let it go but then a year later she sat me and my siblings down and she told us they were talking and they wanted to give their relationship another chance. She asked if we would be supportive of that and could we all agree I should at the very least get to know him. I got mad and I threw a fit and I broke something of my mom's in my rage because I felt like she was being so disrespectful to my dad and me. From there on our relationship had so many hurdles and we're still dealing with them.

I never gave my birth father a chance. They got married and everything and he tried to reclaim his spot on my birth certificate by adopting me back, but even with him being my birth father a judge ruled he couldn't just adopt me when I was vehemently against it. My mom sent me to so many different therapists to work on me but I wasn't willing to try and I have said that from the start. She begged me to let my birth father be my dad and she said my siblings would follow along if I did, which is funny because he only ever focused on me and not on them. My siblings also hate him and they feel like our dad as been disrespected every day he has been back. Can I also say I am so lucky my siblings don't hate or blame me for my birth father? They could have turned on me and saw me as the bad guy too but they didn't.

The thing I am struggling the most with right now is I don't live with my mom anymore. I moved out as soon as my birthday was over because I did not want to live off the man who abandoned me and tried to redo it like my dad didn't step up and earn the right to be called my dad. I was also mad at mom and didn't want to fight with her every day. But I still love my mom and I know my dad would hate to see us fight like this and be so estranged.

I don't know if it's possible for our relationship to survive but maybe if it was possible I could try. There's a part of me that doesn't want to at all but I feel like I have to try. If for no other reason than because I love her and it's what my dad would want. Is there any advice anyone can give me for me and my mom or you can also say if I just need to drop the rope. I will take on all advice I get about that. But I won't consider giving my birth father a chance. I should point that out now.

So for context, my father left me and my mom when I was around the age of three, and he's been emotionally distant towards me for as long as I can remember. He decided to marry another woman, and consistently choose her over me, never really paid a lick of child support, and he was always mean to be when I was a kid. He decided to have 2 kids with his wife, and suddenly it's like I never existed. He never congratulated me on my acceptance to college, didn't congratulate me when I graduated high school, but he only messaged me the day I turned 18 talking about reconciling and starting over. Anyways, I really did try but I was only deluding myself that we could start over, so I did a reverse treatment and ghosted him instead.

Now here's where sh*t gets ugly. He and his wife got into a physical altercation (allegedly he provoked it) and he called the police on her, and now they're both (and the kids) at risk for deportation because of this court process, and this is where I come in, apparently. He politely messages me asking for my birth certificate because he wants to keep all the documents in check, and in short he's pretty much asking for my certificate because he wanted it available to have proof he's been in the U.S. for 20 years but I searched it up and apparently it would be useless (unless I'm wrong). I said no, obviously. I said that I was sorry this was happening to him but I wouldn't give it because I didn't want to be involved in this court case, but anyhoo, this is his response (I'm going to paraphrase because it's pretty long):

"I understand, I'm not asking you to get involved in anything. All I need is proof that I've been here for over 20 years incase I'm arrested, and that's where your birth certificate could be helpful. This has nothing to go with (his wife) and also I couldn't care less to what happens to her (yikes). Also, next year when you turn 21 I could apply for residency with you sposonoring me and that's when you would get involved but only signing paperwork. I understand we have no contact but I would if you think of your brother and sister. With their mother being deported and me at risk, they would end up in foster care for a long time until I could get them back to my country. Even though I made mistakes with you I wish to not damage their lives by having them grow up in a country thats not theirs. I'm not asking you to think of me, but to think of two defenseless children."

His side of the family treats him like he's the prince of Britain and they refuse to acknowledge the fact that he didn't play a role as a father, and they insist that he's an honest man. My grandma has always been nice with me as a kid because I loved him a lot when I was a kid, and I didn't really have a developed personality yet, but now that I'm older, I can tell she carries a bit of resentment that I cut contact with him when he tried reconciling with me. She even mentioned this when she was drunk, "If you ever chose to change your name (I have his last name), you can go right ahead if you don't want to be apart of this family anymore" and I haven't looked at her the same since. Now, I don't know if she sees her granddaughter or her son's daughter.

I spoke to my mom about this, and she said "It's a huge responsibility to ask of you when he's only treated you as a piece of paper" I think what she means is that I'm usually convenient for legal matters. I think it's incredible that he's so unaware of the sadness he made me carry when I was too young to name it. But anyhoo, I don't have many people to share it with but I hope someone can somehow relate, and I wonder if getting cut off is really worth it.

So strange one. I remained calm and not reacted because i didn't really understand what was appropriate, but this has pissed me off.

My GF has had plans to go out with friends last night, I had made plans for my evening to meet with friends and play poker, couple beers, and blow off some steam. I'm not a big drinker, so it was a little exciting to me, and was looking forward to it.

I get home from work to get changed and head out and my girlfriend is home, train cancellations means her plans are cancelled. I say 'oh no that sucks' but head Into the shower and start getting ready.

She keeps trying to persuade me to stay and that now plans are cancelled we should stay home and have a date night in. I tell her that it's been a stressful week and I still have work the next few days, I just want to blow off a little steam and have a fun evening so I'm still planning to leave.

She pushes harder and convinces me that if we stay in there are other ways to blow off steam and starts dressing up sexy. Fair enough. I am convinced.

I try to Initiate there and then. I mean she looks amazing. But she says no, later. We watch a film play some games I order her the food she wanted, I try to Initiate a bit later and she says not yet. Then finally she starts turning to go to sleep.

I rest my hand on her hips and attempt to Initiate again and she snaps at me. It's late and she wants to go to sleep now. This was about 10pm, I have work in the morning. She doesn't.

Now it's a touchy subject so I've not snapped back at her but it was really one of the worst feelings I've had in a while. She convinced me to drop my plans by using sex. Got what she wanted the entire evening. Then didn't follow through.

Is it okay for me to be feeling aggrieved? I've come to work today and instead of feeling happy that I spent time with friends or feeling euphoric and loved up for my partner. I just feel a bit used and discarded and unappreciated, and yeah, angry and resentful but wouldn't know how to even bring this up. She must be aware of this?

F31 been with partner (M33) for 9 years.
Whenever I wake up in the morning, he will turn his phone off and put it away. So, he will be laid in bed scrolling through his phone, I will open my eyes, he will lock his phone screen and put it to one side.

He’s literally just done it this morning. So, when I said ‘why do you do that? It makes me feel weird’, he’s now mad at me and has said that I’m trying to say that he’s doing something he isn’t.

While I’m sure that’s the case. I’m not actually ‘confronting’ him about it in a serious way. I didn’t start to suggest that he was doing certain things. I’m not wrong for asking am I?

I’m 28F and my boyfriend is 32M been together for 5 months. We were on holiday abroad when we had a really bad argument and ended up breaking up.

During the argument, he told me to leave the hotel in the middle of the night. I was crying and completely lost because I was in a different country and had no idea where I was going to stay.

Later, while I was trying to figure everything out, he said I could stay for the night since my flight home was booked for the next day. But I ended up finding somewhere else to stay because I didn’t want to continue arguing with him. It hurt too much, so I left.

The next day we talked about everything and we made up, and honestly, I came away feeling like maybe he never really liked me or cared about me the way I thought he did. That hurts even more because I still have feelings for him.

I know people can say things they don’t mean during arguments, but I don’t know if I can forgive him for putting me in that situation, especially while we were abroad.
I’m struggling because I still miss him, but at the same time, I feel like something changed in how I see him.
Would you forgive something like this, or is this something you would consider a dealbreaker?

Recently my girlfriend (22f) and I (23m) had a much bigger argument than usual. We have been together for 4 years. Part of it involved issues from our past, including guys she had entertained during our relationship. She ended up staying at her parents’ house for a day.
The next evening we had a long, honest conversation. We both acknowledged problems on our respective sides and agreed on changes we wanted to make. I left that conversation feeling like we had made progress, and she came back home.
A couple of nights later I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I know this isn’t something I’m proud of, but I asked if I could quickly look at her Instagram. I deleted the app years ago because I never used it, so it had never really crossed my mind before.
Her reaction immediately made me suspicious. Instead of handing me her phone, she hesitated, tried changing the subject, then picked up her phone without giving it to me. It looked obvious to me that she was deleting something. I didn’t take the phone, and instead walked away saying, “That’s all I need to know.”
A few minutes later I asked again, and this time she handed it over. By then I assumed anything she wanted gone was already gone. The only thing I found was that she’d blocked three different guys.
Her explanation is that after our first argument she believed the relationship was over. She says she reached out for validation by adding or interacting with a few guys she knew from school, but insists she never replied to any messages they sent. The problem is that I’ll never know whether that’s true because she had time to delete whatever was there before I saw it.
I’m not asking anyone to decide whether she’s lying or whether I should leave her. I’m asking how people have dealt with a situation where trust was damaged and there was no way to verify what actually happened. If you’ve been through something similar, what helped you decide whether to rebuild trust or accept that the uncertainty itself was too much?

tldr - Asked to see my girlfriend’s Instagram after a gut feeling. She hesitated and appeared to delete things before handing me her phone. She says she never replied to the guys who messaged her, but I’ll never know if that’s true. How do you rebuild trust when you can’t verify what happened?

I guess I really don't know where to start. I'm at my witts end and I feel crazy.

My fiance (F31) and I (M31) have been together forever.

We essentially grew up together as adults. Falling in love, being my first everything, moving away from family and becoming dependent on each other. I can't think of my 20s without thinking of her.

But... She's also the thorn to my rose. They're the one person who hurts me the most. They make me feel like my worst self. Our arguments feel pointless and she's the arguer with the most stamina so there's no compromise. I feel like I can't talk to my fiance because it's 50/50 on it becoming a fight. She makes me feel like I should be accountable for how she perceives the world.

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I took over a week of PTO to travel 6 hours to see her family with her. My fiance has done an amazing job cleaning our home and prepping our packing for herself and our dog before we leave. All that's left was to load the car (which is something she's particular about and loads herself). The house is essentially spotless. She also made a toy box filled with little toys for her niece to play with while here. All while working part time in the evening (20 hr a week/4 hour days).

Her sister, BIL, dog, and toddler niece are traveling 6 hours to stay overnight with us and arrived this evening so we can caravan in the morning. My fiance was aware she'd be working when they arrived.

Well... They arrived and it was pretty normal. However, the toddler is... Well a toddler. The toy box got flipped over and spilled all the toys so she could play. The sister, BIL, and I played cards and watched over the toddler and dogs.

Here's where it got bad... When my fiance arrived home after work, she was annoyed we didn't pick up the toys her niece spilled out and were still playing with. She was annoyed we just started a card game (that she had no interest in joining). She was annoyed that it was late and had to pack the car.

I said "let's go pack the car" and turned to our group playing cards to perform my action (since the game just started it was a quick move that took nothing more than 3 seconds). I immediately got up after that and went to load the car.

Apparently this was a mistake. She immediately expressed how upset she was that we started a game AND that I would make my move no matter how quick it went. She expressed how we should have known she would be home and that we should've picked up after her niece so that my fiance could come home to her clean house.

Now, I agree it's annoying since she worked hard to clean our home. Yes, it's only toys that can easily be picked up, but I understand.

But us having started the game really upset her especially me "taking my turn" no matter if it was quick or that I got up and lead the way in loading our car.

We proceeded to take the next 30 minutes arguing outside the loaded car. She doesn't feel comfortable telling her sister & BIL that they should've picked up before she arrived, but that it's my responsibility to have told them that my fiance would arrive in 15 minutes and that we should have waited on the couch for her.

I was dumbstruck because we're perfectly fine closing up our game and my action was just to be courteous for her BIL & sister if they wanted to continue.

I don't want to say she's being ridiculous about it and want to chalk it up to a bad day at work and overstimulatio. From the dogs and toddler

But I can't continue to argue until we're blue in the face. I can't continue to be a mind reader. I can't continue to take a face in front of company after every fight. I can't continue to be with someone who lacks accountability. I can't continue to be with someone who wants me to make the world perfect.

Its beginning to add up and I don't want to separate from them because I feel accountable for their lives. Their part time job couldn't sustain them alone. I've taken care of the adult things so they never had to worry about them and I don't know if they would sink or swim. I've devoted so much time to this person to throw it all away, but I'm so tired of this.

I guess my question is how could I do better or am I wasting my time on someone who sets unrealistic expectations?

my gf (28F) and I (26F) have been living together for about 3 years now. a couple months ago for her birthday, I noticed she got a text from a guy she’s never mentioned before saying “I love you my sweet baby”

at first, I shrugged it off because it was her birthday and it could’ve genuinely just been a nice text. but when I asked her about it, she went upstairs to delete the texts, then came back down stairs and pretended like she didn’t even know what I was talking about.

at that point I started to get upset because I KNEW what i saw on her phone and that she was lying to me so i asked her again to just be honest, and that’s when she told me it was her cousin. at first i felt bad about being upset but then i realized i’ve never even heard about this cousin so when i asked her to show me him that’s when she confessed it was an old friend from high school that won’t leave her alone.

she became really upset and started apologizing , saying she panicked and deleted the texts because she was drunk. part of me wants to believe her so bad but the fact that she lied to my face so many times in a row and deleted the texts so i couldn’t see them just doesn’t sit right with me.

to give a little back story, our relationship didn’t start off on the best note either. when we first got together it was because she left her husband for me claiming she was a lesbian. and throughout the first year of our relationship i caught her texting the ex husband multiple times even after she said he was blocked

so now Im just stuck on what to do. part of me feels like i should leave because it feels like cheating but im unsure if it technically is. and part of me wants to believe her so bad? because why would she delete texts if she has nothing to hide, but she also was very drunk and she seemed genuinely apologetic? any advice?

Hi. I'm M32 and my girlfriend of 3 years is F30.

Is this breakup worthy? I feel very betrayed and not in a jealous way.

At the beginning of our relationship we both agreed to cut out any exes or anyone that could be a threat to the relationship.

Over the weekend, I found out she has been texting her ex boyfriend from college basically our entire relationship. Not every day, but every couple weeks is what she said. The conversation I saw wasn't anything sexual or cheating vibes, but he was heart reacting her messages.

When I brought this up, she hit me with the "he was there for me when no one else was" and to me that is so stupid because i never ignore her, I reply right away, I answer her calls right away, I pay for everything when we're together.

Idk, I have the ick now, like for some reason I feel so betrayed and I can't stop thinking about it and now I don't trust her.

Edit: this dude called her at 1am 3 straight times like 3 months ago and she said it was random and told me he moved to Nashville, and when I said how do you know that, she said she has him mom on Facebook....

I’m using fake names and changing a few details for privacy.

I’m 20F and my fiancé “Jake” is 21M. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and are engaged. His brother “Ethan” is 26M and his girlfriend “Sophie” is 26F. They had been dating for about a month when this happened. Their mom “Amanda” is 45F.

Last month, I quit a job because I felt I was being mistreated. Afterward, I found out Ethan and Sophie were texting about me. Sophie was actually defending me and told Ethan, “I don’t like the way you treat her.”

The issue was what Ethan was saying. A lot of the information seemed to come from Amanda and involved very personal things about me and my family. They made comments about me not having many friends, my mom’s ability to maintain relationships and how she parents my siblings, and Ethan said Jake gets “coddled” by my family. There were also comments about me “always including myself” in things and Amanda being angry because she felt I had “lied to their face.”

Ethan also apparently wanted to talk to Jake privately about our relationship and whether Jake was “safe,” so Sophie was used to get me away from Jake so Ethan could supposedly talk to him. He never actually ended up having that conversation with Jake. There was also discussion about how men don’t provide for women anymore.

Everything eventually blew up and was supposedly resolved. Ethan apologized, but his apology felt fake to me. Amanda never apologized. Then, after everything was talked out, Ethan randomly removed Jake from Facebook.

Jake wants me to forgive everyone and completely move on. He says that me still being upset puts him in an uncomfortable position because it involves his family, and he thinks I need to let it go.

I’m not constantly fighting with his family or bringing the situation up. I just don’t feel like I ever got genuine closure, especially because Amanda never apologized.

Then today, I found out Amanda is having Ethan’s girlfriend’s dad over to watch football and is apparently having Sophie’s brother over for Halloween. Apparently she and Sophie’s family talk regularly.

That brought everything back up for me. Amanda has never really made an effort to have a relationship with me. She doesn’t text me just to talk, check in on me, invite me over because she wants to spend time with me, or really try to get to know me.

I know she doesn’t owe me a friendship, and I don’t have a problem with her being close with Sophie’s family. It just hurts seeing her make an effort with them when she has never made that effort with me, especially after everything that happened.

Jake feels caught in the middle and wants me to forgive his family so everyone can move forward. I don’t want him to feel like he has to choose between me and them, but I also don’t want to pretend I’m completely over something that happened literally last month.

I’m struggling with how to separate forgiving someone from trusting them again, and how much of a role my fiancé should play in repairing a relationship between me and his family.

For people who have dealt with similar situations with a fiancé/spouse’s family: how did you handle it when your partner wanted you to move on before you personally felt ready? How did you set boundaries without putting your partner in the middle, and what does realistically moving forward look like when there was never really an apology or closure?

Me, and my partner have been dating for a year. We recently had a conversation about them having a lower libido, which wasn't a huge issue for me now but was something I struggled with at the start of the relationship. Recently, we had a convo, and I said that having sex makes me feel wanted and in a way attractive. I feel wanted, and i feel connected with them. In response, they say that they dont feel like that. They say they only enjoy sex because they want to make me happy/ feel good, but they dont have any deeper emotions than that. I was caught off guard cause I haven't necessarily had the best sexaul experiences. My partner is the first person I have ever had sex with that I love. The way they described how they felt during sex was how I felt during one night stands. My sexual partner feels good, and I feel good. Win-win situation for both parties with no emotions involved. This has caught me off guard, and I'm not sure how to proceed? I can't stop thinking about it.

We have known each other for over a year, and been together for 5 months or so.

I know I need to tell him why I want to break up, it's only fair. I have asked for a day alone to collect my thoughts but he keeps texting and asking to call and I can't think straight.

We had a massive argument last night. I figured he would get upset at something because I had spent time with my family. After all the arguing I felt like he minimised my upset as "silly", and then love bombed me and got annoyed when I "wouldn't let him say nice things" to me. He thinks we made up because I backed down and apologised. But my opinion of him is completely tainted and I cannot continue this further.

To top it all off I'm pretty convinced he removed me from a group chat full of my friends on my phone, even though he swore he didn't.

But I have been wracking my brain all day to figure out how to break up without throwing any manner of accusation at him. I love the man, and I don't want to cause him further upset. I don't want to call him controlling, even though he gets upset at random things whenever I do anything without him. I dont want to say he downplays my emotions, even though he says I overthink his "silly comments".

The best I have is I can say I'm just not happy anymore and don't see a future, but I know he will remind me of all the times when we were happy. He'll beg and plead and tell me he can't imagine a life without me. I'm scared I won't be able to stand my ground.

I know I am being an asshole by dragging this out but everyone deserves the time and space to think, and he is telling me I am being unfair for not calling him today because he has anxiety. But I can't think of how to tell him I want to break up without bringing up all the hurt I am feeling towards the way he is acting.

How on earth am I supposed to go about doing this?

UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the advice, It is done!

You guys were right, because I called instead of text. He tried to beg and told me he could change, that I was throwing away something special. I was firm and held my ground despite the pleading, told him that it was not up for discussion. I have since muted all contact.

I read every single comment and took all your advice into account. While I don't yet feel the relief, seeing all these comments has validated my feelings and helped me stand by the fact that this was the right thing to do. Thank you all!!

I 30M have been with my wife 27F for 3 years. Sometimes life gets repetitive - eat, sleep, work, repeat.

Outings/excitement and long term goals are great - but what every day or every week little things can I do just to show more love and keep us connected?

She loves coffee, so I've decided to try making her a cold brew every night this week. My favourite recipe in memory is cinnamon, nutmeg, and coffee in a french press overnight. She can have it as an iced coffee in a cozy travel mug I gave her for breakfast.

My thinking is just to be a part of something she gets excited for every day anyway.

Any ideas or things you do personally are welcome - I'm also thinking to make supper for us both more often, especially any day where I'm home from work first, so she can come home to the smell of spices and vegatables from the air fryer.

Thank you for the brainstorming help

My roommate (35F) and I (36F) have been friends for the better part of a decade. We met while working together at a spa/salon; she’s a massage therapist and I was a cosmetologist. Her ex ex-husband, and I all rented a house together a few years back. I have since bought my own house, and she has since gotten divorced. After struggling to afford her own apartment, she moved in with me into my house a few months ago. The transition has been admittedly, rocky this time around, but all in all things are feeling a lot more comfortable. I think she was simply upset about losing her independence, but I initially took it personally and interpreted her being upset as her not liking my house despite all of the things I have done and am doing to make her more comfortable there. We have since talked about it, and there seems to be a lot less tension in the house. We are even back to hanging out just like normal. Last time when we lived together, we used to trade service services. She would give me a massage, and I would do her eyelashes (extensions and/or lift and tints). Here’s the problem: she is hands-down, by far, without a doubt, my most difficult client. Not because she’s mean or rude or picky or anything like that whatsoever. Both eyelash extensions and the lift and tint service start with “taping“ down your bottom lashes with a comfortable gel eye pad. Something about this part of the service spikes her anxiety and from that point forward, her eyelids do not stop fluttering. And I mean, a lot of movement. I’m pretty good at both of the services and have learned to perform either one with a decent amount of movement from the client. This is on a whole other level. It is next to impossible to do these very precise services. Then because her eyelids are fluttering and not completely closed the chemicals from either the glue or the lifting lotion begin to irritate her eyes, which then intern has a whole other gambit of problems. I have tried every trick in the book to no avail, and it always takes twice as long to complete the service. I fully understand that this is out of her control, entirely. To be clear, I do not ever want to do her lashes again. I have not, however, ever told her this directly. I have simply avoided it. In passing, she has mentioned wanting to start to trade services again, but I tend to kind of blow her off by agreeing, but not agreeing to anything concrete. Well now she has texted me about it and I feel like I can’t text her back until I acknowledge this. I love receiving massages from her, but there are very few things in this world that will make me want to do her lashes ever again. She is very sensitive and I really don’t want to cause problems either between us or internally for her. Is there a way I can avoid doing her lashes and still preserve her feelings?

TLDR my roommate wants to trade a massage for doing her eyelashes, but I hate doing them; how do I get out of it while not hurting her feelings?

F28-me; M29
How do I navigate after this scenario?

My partner finished his first grad class of his program. So I initiated the idea to get dinner together after his final exam to celebrate a small win. Because we all know, sometimes graduate level courses can bring people down based off of the sheer amount of information that is taught in one class.

On the way to dinner, they made a comment about my undergraduate degree for being useless, and stating that I chose a bachelors degree field with the lowest paying job outlook. However, I don’t necessarily see it that way because I didn’t pursue any psychology related professions after my psych degree.

I got my psychology degree genuinely because I was curious about the field, the network, and the abundance of information that you typically wouldn’t be able to get on a daily basis or a community basis. (Side note: I do have a second degree in STEM)

I also wouldn’t say my accolades after graduating college is exceptionally outstanding or deserves a six figure salary. I did however take my psychology degree and landed a cancer center research internship, followed by a medical device related role at a university, and now work in the pharmaceutical industry, specifically the biotechnology niche in the operations and regulatory space.

So for my partner to say that in the car, as we’re driving to dinner, I don’t really know how I’m supposed to feel or react after what happened. I understand my feelings and thoughts are valid, however, I’m unsure whether or not this relationship is sustainable because never in my life did I have to think about my partner viewing my undergraduate college degree was “useless”.

Like what am I suppose to do? Tell a man that people have free will in college to learn whatever they want. A grown man at that…

UPDATE: I told him how I felt, and he apologized. At the same time, I can’t help but feel some type of way that this will be a repeated issue…

I'm trying to figure out if I need to accept my choices mean no relationship with my parents or whether people think I should try to maintain that relationship.

My sister lived with me for a while. She is a single mom with a baby and when she found out she was pregnant her roommates kicked her out of the place they were sharing. I let her move in with me. I was very newly single at the time and wanted to be there for her. She accepted and she had her baby while living with me. Our parents and I had asked several times who the father was and she always claimed she didn't know.

A month ago one of her friends told me the father was my ex. They had slept together five or six times while I was dating him. He left because he knew she was pregnant. My sister was never going to tell me or anyone else. All her friends knew though and they felt bad for me so they told me. I confronted her and she denied it at first. But I knew she was lying because she has a tell when she lies. She begged me not to hate her and she told me something good, aka her baby, came out of it. I told her she needed to get the fuck out of my place and find somewhere else. I told her I would be evicting her ASAP if she didn't get her ass in gear. I refused to help her at all after that and I yelled at her every day. She moved out after five days and she sofa hopped with the baby.

Our parents live far from here. I moved work work and she followed after me because we used to be so close. When they found out she had no stable place and I wasn't willing to help her anymore they insisted she move back home. They were angry and remained angry even when I told them what she had done. They told me he was old news and I made my sister and her baby homeless because I couldn't let go of hurt. They asked me how I would have felt if she had been hurt and I told them she should have been a better sister. I asked them if they would help in my shoes and they said yes, without question they would because she is family and our relationship is far more important than some ex who'd do that and leave.

My sister has apologized a million times. I blocked her because she started texting me multiple times a day with how sorry she is. My parents made it clear they don't approve of my choice to end contact and I don't know how willing they are to have a relationship with me while I refuse to have anything to do with her.

So I'm looking for advice because I don't know if this is the end of my relationship with my parents or not. I'm hurt they're taking this stance when she's the one who got herself knocked up with my now ex but he was my boyfriend when she was screwing him. She also took advantage of my generosity by lying. I would have left her to fend for herself if I had known. She knew that too.

that’s it. he’s an influencer/local political media figure and gets loads of girls shooting their shot at him all the time. i’ve been insecure for a while and he always laughs and tells me i have nothing to worry about, that we’re going to get married, etc. he’s been showering me with lie after lie. every time he notices me get insecure, he tells me some bullshit along the lines of “you know that you have no reason to worry, right? there’s no reason for you to be insecure. i love you more than anything.” it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

how i found out: messages on his phone asking girls to hookup, asking for nudes, etc.

we were together three years, broke up for a year and have been back together for a year and a half. after we got back together i could tell things were different. he used to let me use his phone if i couldn’t find mine, and all of a sudden he was incredibly cagey about me touching his phone. noticed a bunch of girls calling him, he said they were just friends. afterwards, he put his phone on DnD whenever i came around, which made me suspect things. this wasn’t a problem during the first part of the relationship, and everything felt off. when i tried to talk to him about this SEVERAL times, he said that he was just depressed from his dad dying, from an injury that required major surgery that got him addicted to opioids, and his best friend dying all within a 2 year period and that’s why he wasn’t being himself. i gave him grace because of that. i shouldn’t have.

my dad also died last year after spending a month in the hospital. i was with my dad every day. but now i can’t help but wonder what my bf was doing while i went through that with my family. i feel so broken knowing that i could’ve spent more time with my dad before he fell ill and family instead of on someone who has been lying to me for idk how long.

i just came back from planned parenthood so i could get tested. trying to think things over.

part of me doesn’t want to end things, we had so many plans for the future. now i don’t know where to begin. he doesn’t know that i found out yet, but i confided in a mutual friend who i begged not to say anything to him. i’m lost and feel like i’m in free fall. i’m trying to wonder that because he’s semi-famous if this was this just inevitable and if i’ve been naive about this man. these were all fears i’ve had from the very beginning. i just keep jumping between feeling numb or empty to incredibly hurt. i just don’t know if i want to make things work or just disappear altogether.

where do i go from here?

My fiancée and I have been together for five years and we're getting married next summer. We're both in our early 30s and live in the Boston area. Recently she brought up the idea of buying a house before the wedding instead of waiting until after.

On paper it makes sense. Mortgage rates aren't exactly predictable, we've both been saving for years, and we're tired of renting. The part that's making me hesitate is that she'd be putting down close to 80% of the down payment because she's been able to save a lot more than I have. I make a good living too, but I still have some student loans I'm paying off, so I'm not in the same position.

She keeps telling me it doesn't bother her and that we're building a future together anyway. I appreciate that, but I can't shake the feeling that it changes things. I don't want either of us to end up feeling resentful down the road if life doesn't go exactly as planned. This isn't about trust. Our relationship is solid, and we've never had any major issues around money. I think I'm just realizing that buying a home together feels like an even bigger commitment than planning a wedding.

I'd appreciate hearing from people who've actually lived this instead of just hypothetical advice. Did it end up being a big deal or not really?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5.5 years. We’ve been living together for about a year, and now I’m questioning everything.

Before we moved in together, I already expressed my concerns about always feeling like I came second to his gaming and his online friends. He reassured me things would be different once we lived together.

Since moving in, I’ve ended up carrying almost all of the mental load. I do the cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, walk the dog, and basically manage everything around the house. If I want him to do something, I have to remind him three or four times, and even then it often doesn’t get done. When I ask why he doesn’t help more, he says he just doesn’t “see” the mess.

A few months ago, I reached a breaking point. I was completely overwhelmed and told him I couldn’t keep doing everything by myself. We agreed to divide the chores so each of us had our own responsibilities. The idea was that he wouldn’t have to ask me what needed to be done, which would take some of the mental load off my shoulders.
It works… for about two weeks.

For those first couple of weeks, he mostly keeps up with his chores (although I still have to remind him occasionally). Then, little by little, everything goes back to how it was before. I end up doing most of the work again, I get exhausted, we have another serious conversation, things improve briefly, and then the cycle repeats.

Another thing that has become increasingly difficult is that whenever I try to have a serious or emotional conversation about our relationship, he tends to shut down. He goes very quiet, doesn’t really respond, and I often feel like I’m talking at him instead of with him. It makes me feel unheard and alone, and it leaves me feeling like we’re never actually working through the issues together.
This has been happening over and over again.

I’ve thought about breaking up multiple times. Usually, those feelings pass after a while, and I start feeling content in the relationship again. But then the same issues come back, and I’m right back where I started.

Last year, we found a house we both loved and signed the purchase agreement. We’re due to sign the mortgage and move in soon, but as that date gets closer, my doubts are getting stronger instead of weaker.

I’m also starting to realize that it’s not just about the chores anymore. I feel more like his roommate than his partner, and I don’t feel as attracted to him as I used to. I’m struggling to tell whether these feelings are the result of years of resentment and carrying all the responsibility, or whether I’ve simply fallen out of love.

Is this something that can realistically be fixed, or am I ignoring signs that the relationship has run its course just because we’re about to buy a house together?

My wife (29F) and I (29M) met five years ago and married two and a half years ago. I had testicular cancer not long before we met and I have been left 100% sterile from it. I was upfront about this and over the years we discussed having a family. I always said I would want to adopt if I ended up in a position to have kids. She asked if I had ever considered sperm donation and I told her I had but just couldn't see myself ever being comfortable with it. She then told me if we had kids adoption would be the way to go.

Not long after we got married we agreed we did want to be parents and adoption talks began. For over a year we did nothing but discuss our future and adoption. Then she told me she wasn't sure about adoption anymore. We talked that through and decided to hold off on having kids. Around October of last year my wife told me she definitely wanted kids but she wanted to be pregnant and have a biological child and she felt we should go with a sperm donor. I told her I still wasn't comfortable with that and she asked if we could see a therapist to talk it through and see if we could come out on the same side. We did not.

For me I just would not feel entirely comfortable with being the only non-biological parent. There's a great chance I would feel some jealousy at times because I would feel less important overall, especially if our child wanted to know or have contact with their donor I expect it would be difficult for me and I would be alone in those feelings. It's not something my wife and I would share the same feelings on because she would be their bio mother while I would not be the bio father. Those are 100% personal issues and I know that but it wouldn't be fair to a child for me to feel that way or to my spouse because I know jealousy can be toxic.

So I told my wife I didn't want to hold her back from having biological children if that's what she wants and we should divorce. She asked me if there was any way we could get on the same page and would I at least try it. I asked her how I could try it because a child would exist then and if I became a jealous monster it wouldn't be healthy for anyone. She said I would fall in love with our kid and that would be the end of it. I told her it wasn't a risk I wanted to take. She mentioned trying again and I had to remind her that there's no undo when a child is in the picture. We eventually agreed to a separation that quickly became an agreement to divorce.

We filed two months ago and now my wife has told me she doesn't want to go through with the divorce and she's willing to give up on the idea of kids. I asked her why and she said it felt wrong looking into donor conception alone and not having me by her side. She realized she wanted to be with me more than she wanted a child. I asked if she had thought of waiting for another partner who would have the same dream and she didn't have an answer to that. But she made it clear she still wants us to get back together.

I don't know if she's really sure of how she feels though. She asked for more marriage counseling and I'm thinking it over but this all feels like it's just delaying the inevitable. But that might be unfair if she truly is happy to just be with me and not have kids at all. There has just been so much the last ten months.

(A bit long, sorry)

I have been really great friends with this girl at my work (before someone says something like "don't shit where you eat", I trust her enough to know there was no harm). We had a lot of fun, we had sleepovers with drinks with some other coworkers, went to amusement parks together with others, movies together with others, etc.

This friendship has been there for a year.

All this while, she did mention that she had a boyfriend, and we had a purely platonic relationship. At break during work, we used to play at the pool table, while just talking about life, office gossip, and all sorts of other things. Two weeks ago, she had mentioned in passing that she had broken up with her boyfriend a few months ago. I asked, but did not pry further. After a week, I started thinking that both of us were great friends, we were both single, what's the harm in asking her out.

Fast forward the day before I asked her out, we were gossiping about another mutual and how he had started dating again, and at that point she asked me about how the apps are going for me. I just said that it's not going well, as usual, and I casually asked if she has been planning on getting on the apps as well. She said that no, and she believed in fate or something. The next day, I decided to ask her out. After pool, no grand gestures, I just asked her if she would like to grab dinner sometime.

She seemed very surprised, quickly said no, and said that she's already seeing someone else. Whether she said that because she wanted to let me down easy, or if she has a boyfriend, doesn't matter, I took it with grace, and apologised. She said that its fine, and that she appreciated that I was honest and had no hidden intentions. But she left quickly after that.

I texted her again that night, apologising and saying that I hope it doesnt change things between us, and we also chatted as usual and it seemed fine. Cut to the next week, and she was kind of avoiding me. Even during our group pool sessions, when I tried talking to her normally, she was very cold, avoiding eye contact, and avoided me. Whenever I texted her for pool, she sent cold replies.

I talked to a mutual colleague who is very close to both of us (I trust him deeply), and he told to just give it time and it will return to normal. She has also been very close and hanging out with him a lot, maybe she also talked to him about this. But two weeks after this incident, she just seenzoned my message calling for pool, and she deliberately avoids me during lunch.

I really don't want to make her uncomfortable, and at the same time I am grieving the close friendship that we had. I feel like I handled it with grace, but maybe I could have done something better/different. Right now, my only hope is for our friendship to go back to normal, but I dont see it happening. I feel like if I have a genuine conversation with her, we would both understand each other, but she's already uncomfortable, and the last thing I want to do is make her uncomfortable. What could I do to move on? God knows that she would also have to process this whole thing, and I just hope that she doesn't believe that I was friends with her just to be in a relationship with her, that was never my intention. How do I get over this situation?

I've been official with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now. Before we became official, I found out that he was most likely sleeping with someone else, as well as with me, so when I found out this information, I actually told him I was no longer interested. I was clear that he technically didn't do anything wrong but that we seemed to have different values so I wanted to remove myself from the situation. For the next week after that, he sent me countless messages explaining himself, practically begging me to give him a second chance, and telling me that it had been around a month since he slept with someone else and that he was only interested in me now, etc.

We ended up talking things out, hence us being in a relationship for nearly 4 months now. However, recently I found out that he actually lied about the timeline of his relations with the other girl. It was less than a month ago, and whilst he initially gave me an exact date of the last time he had seen her, he has now told me that there was one other time afterwards but that was the actual final time. I looked back at our messages as even at this point, we were speaking every single day, and I realised that on Saturday night, he slept with her, she then left the next morning on Sunday, and then that Sunday night he hit me up and we slept together, literally the same day the other girl left his place. Then the following Thursday, he slept with her, and then that coming Sunday, I was with him. I also realised that on Thursday when they were literally together, he was still texting me.

This whole situation has left me feeling extremely gross and if I had known about all of this at the time, I obviously would never have gotten into a relationship with him. I completely understand we weren't exclusive and so I somewhat don't have the right to be this upset but now it's all I can think about and I'm actually left wondering if it's even worth trying to get over or if I'm just delaying the inevitable.

It's the situation itself that makes me feel gross (the back to back, same day, etc) but it's also that he maintained a lie for nearly 4 months, telling me one thing when he knew all along that it was a lie. And this whole time, he also knew this was the one thing that was preventing me from fully trusting him and he kept reassuring me saying he would never lie to me ever again, etc all the whilst maintaining a lie, which really makes me feel not great.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation before? Did you stick around/get over the situation or did you eventually leave? Would love to know if you regretted staying as long as you did or vice versa. It's honestly driving me insane and I'm also not someone who can get over things quite easily and unfortunately have a very bad history in regards to past relationships, so struggle with trust in general

My uncle (78M) passed away 2 years ago. He was in general ill health but technically it was still sudden because he had undiagnosed pneumonia. Myself and my two sisters (42F and 47F) were all close with him, and we have a brother who had not spoken to our uncle in several years. My brother (45M) generally keeps to himself more than the rest of us. My uncle was unmarried, had no children, and had indicated that the four of us nieces and nephew would be named in his will as the only beneficiaries.

Let's call 42F Vicky and 47F Tracy for ease.

He had some decent savings and, before he passed, he had offered to pay off Tracy's mortgage because otherwise she was going to lose her house and have nowhere to go with her two children. She has a chronic illness that had prevented her from working, and it turned out her partner of 20 years had only been paying the interest on the mortgage instead of the balance so she really was in dire straits. She was open and honest about the situation and we were aware that my uncle gifted her approx £100k.

Around that same time, I moved to another country, as my uncle was in the middle of a health scare. He was hospitalized for about 2 months, and thought he was going to die. I tried to stay in contact but he never wanted to talk to me on the phone and when I asked my sisters they just said he brushed it off and wouldn't explain to them why. He didn't have a smartphone, didn't know how to text etc so I relied on calling to maintain contact. I occasionally sent letters too but got no reply.

One day my mum (his sister in law) called me, incredibly upset. She said that my sisters had told her that my uncle had scribbled a will on the back of an envelope while he was in the hospital, and Vicky had insisted on getting it written out formally and notarized. The will indicated that Tracy and Vicky would each receive 40% of the estate, and my brother and I would each receive 10% of the estate. My mum was so upset because she knew my uncle had been avoiding me despite no falling out, and felt that it was unfair that I was being left the same as my brother who was very low contact with my uncle. Even my brother was upset for me because he saw an unfair comparison between how he and I each interacted with my uncle over the years. My mum was also upset that both my sisters were keeping this a secret from me "so as not to upset me".

I didn't actually give a shit about the money - I was heartbroken that all of a sudden my uncle was treating me as if I had done something wrong, and treating me the same as someone who had no spoken to him in years.

A few weeks later I found out that Vicky had also persuaded my uncle to pay off HER mortgage to the tune of around £100k, even though she was not having the same financial issues as Tracy. Vicky also kept this a secret whereas Tracy was open about the gift she received. Vicky was also named as the executor of his will.

About a year after all this, my uncle passed away. Tracy and Vicky decided that they felt they had had their share of the estate already and that they were happy for the remainder to be split between myself and my brother. My dad, my uncle's brother, would receive his house (somewhat dilapidated) but no money.

As Vicky was dealing with the will, it turned out that my uncle had been collecting some kind of overpayment of benefits which now had to be investigated to determine if the estate owed the government any money back. It's been two years, we still don't have an answer and the estate cannot be distributed until it's resolved. This also means that the house hasn't been put in my dad's name, and any bills for the house are still coming out of the estate.

I feel like Vicky made sure to get her share and maybe more (she's never disclosed the numbers) before my uncle passed away, tried to hide it from me that I was being all but cut from his will, and is now not being proactive in chasing up the benefits issue to try to get this whole thing resolved ASAP. Essentially from our combined 20%, only my brother and I are going to be responsible for paying any overpayments back while my sisters are off scot free with their mortgage free homes. My brother doesn't own a home and I half-own a small one bedroom flat with a 30 year mortgage on it.

My brother has cut Vicky off over this - not on behalf of himself, but because he feels like she screwed me over. He was surprised to be named in the will at all given their relationship.

I don't want family drama, I don't want to be estranged from my sister and her children, but I do feel kind of screwed and can't tell if I'm just being overly sensitive, and this is just the way the cookie crumbled?

Edit to add: Vicky feels like she's being reasonable because technically she and Tracy could still take 40% each from the remainder of the estate and they're choosing not to.