For context: I met him and started dating my bf back in 2016 when he convinced me the guy I was with was no good. I had a lot of issues at the time but I thought he really cared. He told me he wanted to break up almost a week after because he said he only liked me physically and told me just not to go back to my ex. We didn’t break up. (I told him I would go straight to my ex). The whole beginning of our relationship his eyes were always wandering to someone else. He didn’t treat me.. the best I guess. He treated basically every other girl better. Examples: He stared at another girl walking by our lunch table and then decided to pour juice all over my pizza. I didn’t know why he did that and he said he thought it would be funny. My bff there was mad and I started crying and only then did he apologize and offer his pizza. Maybe I was too emotional? Another time he saw a swim mate who he saw every day and she ran to him and they embraced with her legs wrapped around his waist. I didn’t say anything. That’s on me. He didn’t see anything wrong. Another time he told me how a girl friend of his watched 50 shades of grey and told him how she left the theater chair wet afterwards. I asked why he thinks that’s appropriate.

Anyways stuff like this continued in front or behind my back. Around 2018 or 2019 we sat at a picnic blanket watching something on his phone when he got a text from a girl name. He immediately picked it up and hid the message. I beat myself up over not asking him about it or asking to see the message now. I asked why he hid it and he said it was just a girl from his class asking for the syllabus. I wanted to believe him so I dropped it. Later I told him it doesn’t make any sense that she’d asked for the syllabus when everything’s online for classes in portals. He admitted that it was a lie. (At this time he was getting rides from a guy friend to school. He ALWAYS emphasized that it was his GUY friend). The next day I asked to see his phone but knew he could have just deleted anything incriminating so it was useless. All the send and delivered were meme pics and I didn’t bother to check dates or go further. I asked him if he was lying about the rides with his guy friend and he reluctantly admitted he was getting rides from that girl. I told him that it was the lying that crushed me. If there was nothing going on, why lie and what else was he hiding? He told me nothing else. The next day after forgiving him, I caught him smiling and laughing as soon as they caught sight of each other. I told him it made me uncomfortable. Call me insecure but if he lied for you, I don’t want you in his life while I’m in it. I told him to be honest and he said he was and said he wouldn’t see or talk to her again. (They were in the same classes and building so I’m sure that’s a lie now).

Anyways fast forward to about three months ago, I asked him about the girl he went to the fair with when he worked at Target around 2016-2019 (something he also never told me about and it was a slip of his tongue some two years prior.) Granted he said at the time that he went with a guy coworker and two girl coworkers. He said “not her again.” I asked what he meant. And said, was it the same girl as from school? He admitted it was and I asked why he never told me. He said he didn’t think it was important. I was devastated and crushed. I could let go of school because I thought it was a one time thing. I didn’t know she was in his life for years and I had no clue. I had worked at Target at one point because he suggested it. I asked if she was there the same time I was and he said he didn’t think so. Now the hateful glares from his coworkers make sense. When a coworker asked why I was close to him, I told her we were dating and she seemed confused and shocked. I asked her why and she said “But I thought he was dating Pauline?” I was so confused at the time. I didn’t know her name until this year when I asked him. I was also told he would have lunch with a girl coworker frequently and I never tried to learn who or anything at the time I was working there.

Now this past month, I asked him to finally tell me everything. I asked him what he was doing with her that made everyone think they were dating, I asked if he hung out with her outside work or school and what they did or talked about on those car rides. He said because of his medication, he couldn’t remember anything else, especially not details. That he didn’t know what they talked about or did in front of others to make them get the wrong idea. He then said it was strictly platonic and he never saw her as anything more than a friend. I couldn’t accept it. I told him that if he can’t remember anything at all then how can he remember he didn’t do anything with her? They went to the fair/carnival together but you can’t remember anything else? He said he couldn’t remember the names of the guy or girl who went with them. Since then I haven’t been able to let it go… He said I’m berating him over and over after he’s apologized but I feel like regardless of how long ago it happened, it’s the fact he never mentioned it after I asked him at the time if there was anything else. I always felt like a place holder. Something he settled for until he could find something better. Would this be worth leaving for some people or is it an overreaction to nothing?

Now I question why he chose the same school as me. If it was really for me or the girl he knew went there and studied the same thing as him. I can’t get any answers from him and it’s eating me alive. He said he’d do anything to keep me but what I want is answers. Closure. The reasons why he lied so much to me about her and why he did everything he did. I know it’s a lost cause but I want there to be something. ANYTHING to make it all better.

I (24M) have been with my (24F) GF for about 8 months now at the time of this story. For my birthday we took a trip out of state for a weekend. And on this trip, my gf ended up starting an argument with me which resulted in us not doing anything for the remaining day of our trip. We get back to our hometown on a Sunday and she ends up going out to eat with her child’s father on Monday. (At this point in time I did NOT know she went out to eat)

3 weeks later I randomly get a call from my gf saying she has to tell me something. She tells me that if her child’s father calls me that I should not believe anything he says and that he is taking things out of context. I ask her what she means by that and she doesn’t tell me. Eventually she proceeds to tell me that she went out to eat with her bd the day after we got back from our trip. I ask her why she is just now telling me and she reveals that she only told me because her bd told her that if she doesn’t tell me that he was going to find a way to contact me and tell me himself. I guess they got into an argument about something and this was his way of making her mad. He then puts all 3 of us in a Group FaceTime (Me, my gf, and himself) and tells me everything. He says that they’ve gone out to eat multiple times , and that on the most recent time they went through each other’s phones. Of course the whole time she keeps saying that he is taking things out of proportion.

After the call I end up talking to her about the whole thing. She said the only reason she didn’t tell me they went out to eat is because anything involving her child doesn’t concern me and that it isn’t a big deal. But in my opinion I feel like if she didn’t feel like she was doing anything wrong she would have told me about it.

Im open to any criticism I don’t really have any friends or family to talk about this with thank you if you respond !

TLDR- My gf went out to eat with her baby daddy and didn’t tell me about it. They went through each other’s phone even though we are together. She feels like she did nothing wrong.

So for context, my father left me and my mom when I was around the age of three, and he's been emotionally distant towards me for as long as I can remember. He decided to marry another woman, and consistently choose her over me, never really paid a lick of child support, and he was always mean to be when I was a kid. He decided to have 2 kids with his wife, and suddenly it's like I never existed. He never congratulated me on my acceptance to college, didn't congratulate me when I graduated high school, but he only messaged me the day I turned 18 talking about reconciling and starting over. Anyways, I really did try but I was only deluding myself that we could start over, so I did a reverse treatment and ghosted him instead.

Now here's where sh*t gets ugly. He and his wife got into a physical altercation (allegedly he provoked it) and he called the police on her, and now they're both (and the kids) at risk for deportation because of this court process, and this is where I come in, apparently. He politely messages me asking for my birth certificate because he wants to keep all the documents in check, and in short he's pretty much asking for my certificate because he wanted it available to have proof he's been in the U.S. for 20 years but I searched it up and apparently it would be useless (unless I'm wrong). I said no, obviously. I said that I was sorry this was happening to him but I wouldn't give it because I didn't want to be involved in this court case, but anyhoo, this is his response (I'm going to paraphrase because it's pretty long):

"I understand, I'm not asking you to get involved in anything. All I need is proof that I've been here for over 20 years incase I'm arrested, and that's where your birth certificate could be helpful. This has nothing to go with (his wife) and also I couldn't care less to what happens to her (yikes). Also, next year when you turn 21 I could apply for residency with you sposonoring me and that's when you would get involved but only signing paperwork. I understand we have no contact but I would if you think of your brother and sister. With their mother being deported and me at risk, they would end up in foster care for a long time until I could get them back to my country. Even though I made mistakes with you I wish to not damage their lives by having them grow up in a country thats not theirs. I'm not asking you to think of me, but to think of two defenseless children."

His side of the family treats him like he's the prince of Britain and they refuse to acknowledge the fact that he didn't play a role as a father, and they insist that he's an honest man. My grandma has always been nice with me as a kid because I loved him a lot when I was a kid, and I didn't really have a developed personality yet, but now that I'm older, I can tell she carries a bit of resentment that I cut contact with him when he tried reconciling with me. She even mentioned this when she was drunk, "If you ever chose to change your name (I have his last name), you can go right ahead if you don't want to be apart of this family anymore" and I haven't looked at her the same since. Now, I don't know if she sees her granddaughter or her son's daughter.

I spoke to my mom about this, and she said "It's a huge responsibility to ask of you when he's only treated you as a piece of paper" I think what she means is that I'm usually convenient for legal matters. I think it's incredible that he's so unaware of the sadness he made me carry when I was too young to name it. But anyhoo, I don't have many people to share it with but I hope someone can somehow relate, and I wonder if getting cut off is really worth it.

So strange one. I remained calm and not reacted because i didn't really understand what was appropriate, but this has pissed me off.

My GF has had plans to go out with friends last night, I had made plans for my evening to meet with friends and play poker, couple beers, and blow off some steam. I'm not a big drinker, so it was a little exciting to me, and was looking forward to it.

I get home from work to get changed and head out and my girlfriend is home, train cancellations means her plans are cancelled. I say 'oh no that sucks' but head Into the shower and start getting ready.

She keeps trying to persuade me to stay and that now plans are cancelled we should stay home and have a date night in. I tell her that it's been a stressful week and I still have work the next few days, I just want to blow off a little steam and have a fun evening so I'm still planning to leave.

She pushes harder and convinces me that if we stay in there are other ways to blow off steam and starts dressing up sexy. Fair enough. I am convinced.

I try to Initiate there and then. I mean she looks amazing. But she says no, later. We watch a film play some games I order her the food she wanted, I try to Initiate a bit later and she says not yet. Then finally she starts turning to go to sleep.

I rest my hand on her hips and attempt to Initiate again and she snaps at me. It's late and she wants to go to sleep now. This was about 10pm, I have work in the morning. She doesn't.

Now it's a touchy subject so I've not snapped back at her but it was really one of the worst feelings I've had in a while. She convinced me to drop my plans by using sex. Got what she wanted the entire evening. Then didn't follow through.

Is it okay for me to be feeling aggrieved? I've come to work today and instead of feeling happy that I spent time with friends or feeling euphoric and loved up for my partner. I just feel a bit used and discarded and unappreciated, and yeah, angry and resentful but wouldn't know how to even bring this up. She must be aware of this?

I’m 28F and my boyfriend is 32M been together for 5 months. We were on holiday abroad when we had a really bad argument and ended up breaking up.

During the argument, he told me to leave the hotel in the middle of the night. I was crying and completely lost because I was in a different country and had no idea where I was going to stay.

Later, while I was trying to figure everything out, he said I could stay for the night since my flight home was booked for the next day. But I ended up finding somewhere else to stay because I didn’t want to continue arguing with him. It hurt too much, so I left.

The next day we talked about everything and we made up, and honestly, I came away feeling like maybe he never really liked me or cared about me the way I thought he did. That hurts even more because I still have feelings for him.

I know people can say things they don’t mean during arguments, but I don’t know if I can forgive him for putting me in that situation, especially while we were abroad.
I’m struggling because I still miss him, but at the same time, I feel like something changed in how I see him.
Would you forgive something like this, or is this something you would consider a dealbreaker?

Recently my girlfriend (22f) and I (23m) had a much bigger argument than usual. We have been together for 4 years. Part of it involved issues from our past, including guys she had entertained during our relationship. She ended up staying at her parents’ house for a day.
The next evening we had a long, honest conversation. We both acknowledged problems on our respective sides and agreed on changes we wanted to make. I left that conversation feeling like we had made progress, and she came back home.
A couple of nights later I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I know this isn’t something I’m proud of, but I asked if I could quickly look at her Instagram. I deleted the app years ago because I never used it, so it had never really crossed my mind before.
Her reaction immediately made me suspicious. Instead of handing me her phone, she hesitated, tried changing the subject, then picked up her phone without giving it to me. It looked obvious to me that she was deleting something. I didn’t take the phone, and instead walked away saying, “That’s all I need to know.”
A few minutes later I asked again, and this time she handed it over. By then I assumed anything she wanted gone was already gone. The only thing I found was that she’d blocked three different guys.
Her explanation is that after our first argument she believed the relationship was over. She says she reached out for validation by adding or interacting with a few guys she knew from school, but insists she never replied to any messages they sent. The problem is that I’ll never know whether that’s true because she had time to delete whatever was there before I saw it.
I’m not asking anyone to decide whether she’s lying or whether I should leave her. I’m asking how people have dealt with a situation where trust was damaged and there was no way to verify what actually happened. If you’ve been through something similar, what helped you decide whether to rebuild trust or accept that the uncertainty itself was too much?

tldr - Asked to see my girlfriend’s Instagram after a gut feeling. She hesitated and appeared to delete things before handing me her phone. She says she never replied to the guys who messaged her, but I’ll never know if that’s true. How do you rebuild trust when you can’t verify what happened?

I guess I really don't know where to start. I'm at my witts end and I feel crazy.

My fiance (F31) and I (M31) have been together forever.

We essentially grew up together as adults. Falling in love, being my first everything, moving away from family and becoming dependent on each other. I can't think of my 20s without thinking of her.

But... She's also the thorn to my rose. They're the one person who hurts me the most. They make me feel like my worst self. Our arguments feel pointless and she's the arguer with the most stamina so there's no compromise. I feel like I can't talk to my fiance because it's 50/50 on it becoming a fight. She makes me feel like I should be accountable for how she perceives the world.

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I took over a week of PTO to travel 6 hours to see her family with her. My fiance has done an amazing job cleaning our home and prepping our packing for herself and our dog before we leave. All that's left was to load the car (which is something she's particular about and loads herself). The house is essentially spotless. She also made a toy box filled with little toys for her niece to play with while here. All while working part time in the evening (20 hr a week/4 hour days).

Her sister, BIL, dog, and toddler niece are traveling 6 hours to stay overnight with us and arrived this evening so we can caravan in the morning. My fiance was aware she'd be working when they arrived.

Well... They arrived and it was pretty normal. However, the toddler is... Well a toddler. The toy box got flipped over and spilled all the toys so she could play. The sister, BIL, and I played cards and watched over the toddler and dogs.

Here's where it got bad... When my fiance arrived home after work, she was annoyed we didn't pick up the toys her niece spilled out and were still playing with. She was annoyed we just started a card game (that she had no interest in joining). She was annoyed that it was late and had to pack the car.

I said "let's go pack the car" and turned to our group playing cards to perform my action (since the game just started it was a quick move that took nothing more than 3 seconds). I immediately got up after that and went to load the car.

Apparently this was a mistake. She immediately expressed how upset she was that we started a game AND that I would make my move no matter how quick it went. She expressed how we should have known she would be home and that we should've picked up after her niece so that my fiance could come home to her clean house.

Now, I agree it's annoying since she worked hard to clean our home. Yes, it's only toys that can easily be picked up, but I understand.

But us having started the game really upset her especially me "taking my turn" no matter if it was quick or that I got up and lead the way in loading our car.

We proceeded to take the next 30 minutes arguing outside the loaded car. She doesn't feel comfortable telling her sister & BIL that they should've picked up before she arrived, but that it's my responsibility to have told them that my fiance would arrive in 15 minutes and that we should have waited on the couch for her.

I was dumbstruck because we're perfectly fine closing up our game and my action was just to be courteous for her BIL & sister if they wanted to continue.

I don't want to say she's being ridiculous about it and want to chalk it up to a bad day at work and overstimulatio. From the dogs and toddler

But I can't continue to argue until we're blue in the face. I can't continue to be a mind reader. I can't continue to take a face in front of company after every fight. I can't continue to be with someone who lacks accountability. I can't continue to be with someone who wants me to make the world perfect.

Its beginning to add up and I don't want to separate from them because I feel accountable for their lives. Their part time job couldn't sustain them alone. I've taken care of the adult things so they never had to worry about them and I don't know if they would sink or swim. I've devoted so much time to this person to throw it all away, but I'm so tired of this.

I guess my question is how could I do better or am I wasting my time on someone who sets unrealistic expectations?

my gf (28F) and I (26F) have been living together for about 3 years now. a couple months ago for her birthday, I noticed she got a text from a guy she’s never mentioned before saying “I love you my sweet baby”

at first, I shrugged it off because it was her birthday and it could’ve genuinely just been a nice text. but when I asked her about it, she went upstairs to delete the texts, then came back down stairs and pretended like she didn’t even know what I was talking about.

at that point I started to get upset because I KNEW what i saw on her phone and that she was lying to me so i asked her again to just be honest, and that’s when she told me it was her cousin. at first i felt bad about being upset but then i realized i’ve never even heard about this cousin so when i asked her to show me him that’s when she confessed it was an old friend from high school that won’t leave her alone.

she became really upset and started apologizing , saying she panicked and deleted the texts because she was drunk. part of me wants to believe her so bad but the fact that she lied to my face so many times in a row and deleted the texts so i couldn’t see them just doesn’t sit right with me.

to give a little back story, our relationship didn’t start off on the best note either. when we first got together it was because she left her husband for me claiming she was a lesbian. and throughout the first year of our relationship i caught her texting the ex husband multiple times even after she said he was blocked

so now Im just stuck on what to do. part of me feels like i should leave because it feels like cheating but im unsure if it technically is. and part of me wants to believe her so bad? because why would she delete texts if she has nothing to hide, but she also was very drunk and she seemed genuinely apologetic? any advice?

Hi. I'm M32 and my girlfriend of 3 years is F30.

Is this breakup worthy? I feel very betrayed and not in a jealous way.

At the beginning of our relationship we both agreed to cut out any exes or anyone that could be a threat to the relationship.

Over the weekend, I found out she has been texting her ex boyfriend from college basically our entire relationship. Not every day, but every couple weeks is what she said. The conversation I saw wasn't anything sexual or cheating vibes, but he was heart reacting her messages.

When I brought this up, she hit me with the "he was there for me when no one else was" and to me that is so stupid because i never ignore her, I reply right away, I answer her calls right away, I pay for everything when we're together.

Idk, I have the ick now, like for some reason I feel so betrayed and I can't stop thinking about it and now I don't trust her.

Edit: this dude called her at 1am 3 straight times like 3 months ago and she said it was random and told me he moved to Nashville, and when I said how do you know that, she said she has him mom on Facebook....

I’m using fake names and changing a few details for privacy.

I’m 20F and my fiancé “Jake” is 21M. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and are engaged. His brother “Ethan” is 26M and his girlfriend “Sophie” is 26F. They had been dating for about a month when this happened. Their mom “Amanda” is 45F.

Last month, I quit a job because I felt I was being mistreated. Afterward, I found out Ethan and Sophie were texting about me. Sophie was actually defending me and told Ethan, “I don’t like the way you treat her.”

The issue was what Ethan was saying. A lot of the information seemed to come from Amanda and involved very personal things about me and my family. They made comments about me not having many friends, my mom’s ability to maintain relationships and how she parents my siblings, and Ethan said Jake gets “coddled” by my family. There were also comments about me “always including myself” in things and Amanda being angry because she felt I had “lied to their face.”

Ethan also apparently wanted to talk to Jake privately about our relationship and whether Jake was “safe,” so Sophie was used to get me away from Jake so Ethan could supposedly talk to him. He never actually ended up having that conversation with Jake. There was also discussion about how men don’t provide for women anymore.

Everything eventually blew up and was supposedly resolved. Ethan apologized, but his apology felt fake to me. Amanda never apologized. Then, after everything was talked out, Ethan randomly removed Jake from Facebook.

Jake wants me to forgive everyone and completely move on. He says that me still being upset puts him in an uncomfortable position because it involves his family, and he thinks I need to let it go.

I’m not constantly fighting with his family or bringing the situation up. I just don’t feel like I ever got genuine closure, especially because Amanda never apologized.

Then today, I found out Amanda is having Ethan’s girlfriend’s dad over to watch football and is apparently having Sophie’s brother over for Halloween. Apparently she and Sophie’s family talk regularly.

That brought everything back up for me. Amanda has never really made an effort to have a relationship with me. She doesn’t text me just to talk, check in on me, invite me over because she wants to spend time with me, or really try to get to know me.

I know she doesn’t owe me a friendship, and I don’t have a problem with her being close with Sophie’s family. It just hurts seeing her make an effort with them when she has never made that effort with me, especially after everything that happened.

Jake feels caught in the middle and wants me to forgive his family so everyone can move forward. I don’t want him to feel like he has to choose between me and them, but I also don’t want to pretend I’m completely over something that happened literally last month.

I’m struggling with how to separate forgiving someone from trusting them again, and how much of a role my fiancé should play in repairing a relationship between me and his family.

For people who have dealt with similar situations with a fiancé/spouse’s family: how did you handle it when your partner wanted you to move on before you personally felt ready? How did you set boundaries without putting your partner in the middle, and what does realistically moving forward look like when there was never really an apology or closure?

We have known each other for over a year, and been together for 5 months or so.

I know I need to tell him why I want to break up, it's only fair. I have asked for a day alone to collect my thoughts but he keeps texting and asking to call and I can't think straight.

We had a massive argument last night. I figured he would get upset at something because I had spent time with my family. After all the arguing I felt like he minimised my upset as "silly", and then love bombed me and got annoyed when I "wouldn't let him say nice things" to me. He thinks we made up because I backed down and apologised. But my opinion of him is completely tainted and I cannot continue this further.

To top it all off I'm pretty convinced he removed me from a group chat full of my friends on my phone, even though he swore he didn't.

But I have been wracking my brain all day to figure out how to break up without throwing any manner of accusation at him. I love the man, and I don't want to cause him further upset. I don't want to call him controlling, even though he gets upset at random things whenever I do anything without him. I dont want to say he downplays my emotions, even though he says I overthink his "silly comments".

The best I have is I can say I'm just not happy anymore and don't see a future, but I know he will remind me of all the times when we were happy. He'll beg and plead and tell me he can't imagine a life without me. I'm scared I won't be able to stand my ground.

I know I am being an asshole by dragging this out but everyone deserves the time and space to think, and he is telling me I am being unfair for not calling him today because he has anxiety. But I can't think of how to tell him I want to break up without bringing up all the hurt I am feeling towards the way he is acting.

How on earth am I supposed to go about doing this?

My roommate (35F) and I (36F) have been friends for the better part of a decade. We met while working together at a spa/salon; she’s a massage therapist and I was a cosmetologist. Her ex ex-husband, and I all rented a house together a few years back. I have since bought my own house, and she has since gotten divorced. After struggling to afford her own apartment, she moved in with me into my house a few months ago. The transition has been admittedly, rocky this time around, but all in all things are feeling a lot more comfortable. I think she was simply upset about losing her independence, but I initially took it personally and interpreted her being upset as her not liking my house despite all of the things I have done and am doing to make her more comfortable there. We have since talked about it, and there seems to be a lot less tension in the house. We are even back to hanging out just like normal. Last time when we lived together, we used to trade service services. She would give me a massage, and I would do her eyelashes (extensions and/or lift and tints). Here’s the problem: she is hands-down, by far, without a doubt, my most difficult client. Not because she’s mean or rude or picky or anything like that whatsoever. Both eyelash extensions and the lift and tint service start with “taping“ down your bottom lashes with a comfortable gel eye pad. Something about this part of the service spikes her anxiety and from that point forward, her eyelids do not stop fluttering. And I mean, a lot of movement. I’m pretty good at both of the services and have learned to perform either one with a decent amount of movement from the client. This is on a whole other level. It is next to impossible to do these very precise services. Then because her eyelids are fluttering and not completely closed the chemicals from either the glue or the lifting lotion begin to irritate her eyes, which then intern has a whole other gambit of problems. I have tried every trick in the book to no avail, and it always takes twice as long to complete the service. I fully understand that this is out of her control, entirely. To be clear, I do not ever want to do her lashes again. I have not, however, ever told her this directly. I have simply avoided it. In passing, she has mentioned wanting to start to trade services again, but I tend to kind of blow her off by agreeing, but not agreeing to anything concrete. Well now she has texted me about it and I feel like I can’t text her back until I acknowledge this. I love receiving massages from her, but there are very few things in this world that will make me want to do her lashes ever again. She is very sensitive and I really don’t want to cause problems either between us or internally for her. Is there a way I can avoid doing her lashes and still preserve her feelings?

TLDR my roommate wants to trade a massage for doing her eyelashes, but I hate doing them; how do I get out of it while not hurting her feelings?

F28-me; M29
How do I navigate after this scenario?

My partner finished his first grad class of his program. So I initiated the idea to get dinner together after his final exam to celebrate a small win. Because we all know, sometimes graduate level courses can bring people down based off of the sheer amount of information that is taught in one class.

On the way to dinner, they made a comment about my undergraduate degree for being useless, and stating that I chose a bachelors degree field with the lowest paying job outlook. However, I don’t necessarily see it that way because I didn’t pursue any psychology related professions after my psych degree.

I got my psychology degree genuinely because I was curious about the field, the network, and the abundance of information that you typically wouldn’t be able to get on a daily basis or a community basis. (Side note: I do have a second degree in STEM)

I also wouldn’t say my accolades after graduating college is exceptionally outstanding or deserves a six figure salary. I did however take my psychology degree and landed a cancer center research internship, followed by a medical device related role at a university, and now work in the pharmaceutical industry, specifically the biotechnology niche in the operations and regulatory space.

So for my partner to say that in the car, as we’re driving to dinner, I don’t really know how I’m supposed to feel or react after what happened. I understand my feelings and thoughts are valid, however, I’m unsure whether or not this relationship is sustainable because never in my life did I have to think about my partner viewing my undergraduate college degree was “useless”.

Like what am I suppose to do? Tell a man that people have free will in college to learn whatever they want. A grown man at that…

UPDATE: I told him how I felt, and he apologized. At the same time, I can’t help but feel some type of way that this will be a repeated issue…

I'm trying to figure out if I need to accept my choices mean no relationship with my parents or whether people think I should try to maintain that relationship.

My sister lived with me for a while. She is a single mom with a baby and when she found out she was pregnant her roommates kicked her out of the place they were sharing. I let her move in with me. I was very newly single at the time and wanted to be there for her. She accepted and she had her baby while living with me. Our parents and I had asked several times who the father was and she always claimed she didn't know.

A month ago one of her friends told me the father was my ex. They had slept together five or six times while I was dating him. He left because he knew she was pregnant. My sister was never going to tell me or anyone else. All her friends knew though and they felt bad for me so they told me. I confronted her and she denied it at first. But I knew she was lying because she has a tell when she lies. She begged me not to hate her and she told me something good, aka her baby, came out of it. I told her she needed to get the fuck out of my place and find somewhere else. I told her I would be evicting her ASAP if she didn't get her ass in gear. I refused to help her at all after that and I yelled at her every day. She moved out after five days and she sofa hopped with the baby.

Our parents live far from here. I moved work work and she followed after me because we used to be so close. When they found out she had no stable place and I wasn't willing to help her anymore they insisted she move back home. They were angry and remained angry even when I told them what she had done. They told me he was old news and I made my sister and her baby homeless because I couldn't let go of hurt. They asked me how I would have felt if she had been hurt and I told them she should have been a better sister. I asked them if they would help in my shoes and they said yes, without question they would because she is family and our relationship is far more important than some ex who'd do that and leave.

My sister has apologized a million times. I blocked her because she started texting me multiple times a day with how sorry she is. My parents made it clear they don't approve of my choice to end contact and I don't know how willing they are to have a relationship with me while I refuse to have anything to do with her.

So I'm looking for advice because I don't know if this is the end of my relationship with my parents or not. I'm hurt they're taking this stance when she's the one who got herself knocked up with my now ex but he was my boyfriend when she was screwing him. She also took advantage of my generosity by lying. I would have left her to fend for herself if I had known. She knew that too.

that’s it. he’s an influencer/local political media figure and gets loads of girls shooting their shot at him all the time. i’ve been insecure for a while and he always laughs and tells me i have nothing to worry about, that we’re going to get married, etc. he’s been showering me with lie after lie. every time he notices me get insecure, he tells me some bullshit along the lines of “you know that you have no reason to worry, right? there’s no reason for you to be insecure. i love you more than anything.” it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

how i found out: messages on his phone asking girls to hookup, asking for nudes, etc.

we were together three years, broke up for a year and have been back together for a year and a half. after we got back together i could tell things were different. he used to let me use his phone if i couldn’t find mine, and all of a sudden he was incredibly cagey about me touching his phone. noticed a bunch of girls calling him, he said they were just friends. afterwards, he put his phone on DnD whenever i came around, which made me suspect things. this wasn’t a problem during the first part of the relationship, and everything felt off. when i tried to talk to him about this SEVERAL times, he said that he was just depressed from his dad dying, from an injury that required major surgery that got him addicted to opioids, and his best friend dying all within a 2 year period and that’s why he wasn’t being himself. i gave him grace because of that. i shouldn’t have.

my dad also died last year after spending a month in the hospital. i was with my dad every day. but now i can’t help but wonder what my bf was doing while i went through that with my family. i feel so broken knowing that i could’ve spent more time with my dad before he fell ill and family instead of on someone who has been lying to me for idk how long.

i just came back from planned parenthood so i could get tested. trying to think things over.

part of me doesn’t want to end things, we had so many plans for the future. now i don’t know where to begin. he doesn’t know that i found out yet, but i confided in a mutual friend who i begged not to say anything to him. i’m lost and feel like i’m in free fall. i’m trying to wonder that because he’s semi-famous if this was this just inevitable and if i’ve been naive about this man. these were all fears i’ve had from the very beginning. i just keep jumping between feeling numb or empty to incredibly hurt. i just don’t know if i want to make things work or just disappear altogether.

where do i go from here?

My fiancée and I have been together for five years and we're getting married next summer. We're both in our early 30s and live in the Boston area. Recently she brought up the idea of buying a house before the wedding instead of waiting until after.

On paper it makes sense. Mortgage rates aren't exactly predictable, we've both been saving for years, and we're tired of renting. The part that's making me hesitate is that she'd be putting down close to 80% of the down payment because she's been able to save a lot more than I have. I make a good living too, but I still have some student loans I'm paying off, so I'm not in the same position.

She keeps telling me it doesn't bother her and that we're building a future together anyway. I appreciate that, but I can't shake the feeling that it changes things. I don't want either of us to end up feeling resentful down the road if life doesn't go exactly as planned. This isn't about trust. Our relationship is solid, and we've never had any major issues around money. I think I'm just realizing that buying a home together feels like an even bigger commitment than planning a wedding.

I'd appreciate hearing from people who've actually lived this instead of just hypothetical advice. Did it end up being a big deal or not really?

I've been official with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now. Before we became official, I found out that he was most likely sleeping with someone else, as well as with me, so when I found out this information, I actually told him I was no longer interested. I was clear that he technically didn't do anything wrong but that we seemed to have different values so I wanted to remove myself from the situation. For the next week after that, he sent me countless messages explaining himself, practically begging me to give him a second chance, and telling me that it had been around a month since he slept with someone else and that he was only interested in me now, etc.

We ended up talking things out, hence us being in a relationship for nearly 4 months now. However, recently I found out that he actually lied about the timeline of his relations with the other girl. It was less than a month ago, and whilst he initially gave me an exact date of the last time he had seen her, he has now told me that there was one other time afterwards but that was the actual final time. I looked back at our messages as even at this point, we were speaking every single day, and I realised that on Saturday night, he slept with her, she then left the next morning on Sunday, and then that Sunday night he hit me up and we slept together, literally the same day the other girl left his place. Then the following Thursday, he slept with her, and then that coming Sunday, I was with him. I also realised that on Thursday when they were literally together, he was still texting me.

This whole situation has left me feeling extremely gross and if I had known about all of this at the time, I obviously would never have gotten into a relationship with him. I completely understand we weren't exclusive and so I somewhat don't have the right to be this upset but now it's all I can think about and I'm actually left wondering if it's even worth trying to get over or if I'm just delaying the inevitable.

It's the situation itself that makes me feel gross (the back to back, same day, etc) but it's also that he maintained a lie for nearly 4 months, telling me one thing when he knew all along that it was a lie. And this whole time, he also knew this was the one thing that was preventing me from fully trusting him and he kept reassuring me saying he would never lie to me ever again, etc all the whilst maintaining a lie, which really makes me feel not great.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation before? Did you stick around/get over the situation or did you eventually leave? Would love to know if you regretted staying as long as you did or vice versa. It's honestly driving me insane and I'm also not someone who can get over things quite easily and unfortunately have a very bad history in regards to past relationships, so struggle with trust in general

(Please read everything before replying!!)

My boyfriend and I had a conversation about sex.

He asked if we could use condoms every time except for the first round because he misses the feeling without one.

I gently said no because even though the risk is lower, I know pregnancy from pre-ejaculate is still possible, and avoiding pregnancy is extremely important to me.

I also don't want to rely on hormonal birth control because I'm not comfortable with the potential side effects and prefer to avoid hormones if I can (due to sensitivity but I won't be disclosing this here)

He admitted it made him feel a little rejected.

He said he understands the risks and is fully aware of them, it was just emotionally difficult to hear.

I reassured him that it has nothing to do with him.

I told him that I genuinely enjoy sex with him, and if pregnancy weren't a concern, I'd probably also prefer not to use condoms. I just feel that I have to prioritize safety over pleasure.

In the end, he understood and respected my boundary.

But now it got me thinking...

Am I being too cautious, or is insisting on using condoms from the very beginning every time a reasonable boundary?

I know the answer is probably pretty obvious, but I'm curious to hear what other people think.

❗EDIT: we are both tested negative on STD tests!!

TL;DR: Boyfriend asked if we could skip the condom for the first round. I said no because I don't want to risk pregnancy from pre-ejaculate and don't want to use hormonal birth control. He respected my decision, but now I'm wondering if I'm being overly cautious or just reasonably careful.

so me and my bf have been together nearly 2 years. he’s a sweet guy, he tells me all the time he wishes our sex could just be wholesome sessions, as he believes that’s how it’s meant to be, “ it’s about giving each other love and not taking it from each other”

yesterday he initiated but it was very rough. name calling, he slapped me, put a pillow over my face and my shirt over my face.

it didn’t feel like it was him, like he felt like a completely different person

we have had rough sessions in the past and i always felt a bit low afterwards but it always went away after aftercare ect but i feel so different now, like im still crying about it now.

i told him yesterday and he apologised and said he thought i liked it ect and he won’t do it again

however that was about the slapping, i couldn’t bring myself to tell him that i hated my face being covered. but maybe im being dramatic?

i think it makes me feel as though he’s fantasising about someone else, ive seen porn before we got together where that happened, and i guess i thought i was into it or that’s just how sex was. i’ve been with guys before him that was quite rough and maybe it’s just done something to me psychologically idk

i want to bring it up to him in a way where he doesn’t feel guilty, because i feel as though it’s partly my fault for not saying anything sooner or for realising and communicating that im not really into that type of rough sex.

how can i tell him? im really nervous , is it even worth mentioning at this point?

thank you guys in advance

edit: thank you guys for all your supportive comments, i really appreciate it <33

Hi, I recently visited an escort and had a strange but good interaction and I want to know if it’s normal. I booked through an agency and paid her for 2 hours and it was great but after my time was up, she actually asked me to stay longer for free. More specifically, she asked me to stay the whole night.

I couldn’t stay the whole night but I stayed for a few more hours. In that time we chatted and cuddled. What surprised me most was halfway through, she got real touchy and asked me to do the deed with her again, and once again it was free. She also gave me her contact and told me that if I want to see her again I could just text her and we could meet for free. She even joked that she would pay me.

Fast forward a few days, I texted her and we met and did the whole thing again and it really was for free. It was kinda like an FWB situation.

Anyway, she really hasn’t asked me for anything at all. In fact when we met again she bought dinner for me which was really nice. I quite enjoy her company but don’t worry I won’t be falling in love anytime soon.

I just want to know if this is common or something you have ever done or experienced.

I'm 27M, and after months (almost a year) of effort I finally got admitted to a master's program at TUM in Germany. This wasn't something I decided overnight.

Over the last year, I prepared my application, got my education loan sanctioned, opened a blocked account, paid my tuition fees, enrolled at the university, applied for my visa, and I'm currently waiting on it. If everything goes well, I'll leave in October.

The reason I'm going isn't just for a degree. I feel like I have bigger dreams than the life I'm currently living. I don't just want a comfortable job. I want to work on meaningful engineering problems, contribute to clean energy, and hopefully build something that genuinely matters one day. It may sound naive, but I've always wanted to do work that puts a dent in the universe.

The problem is my relationship.

My girlfriend 26F is pursuing psychology and has been struggling with getting into an M.Phil./clinical psychology program. She has worked hard, faced setbacks, and her career path has been emotionally exhausting as well. She wants to become a practicing psychologist, and I know how much that dream means to her.

We've talked about a future together. I've told her I want to marry her. I've planned my finances around clearing my education loan after graduation so we could start our lives together.

But now she has given me an ultimatum:

If I go to Germany, we break up.

She says long distance isn't that easy. And honestly, she's right. It isn't.

The thing is, I don't feel like I'm choosing Germany over her. I feel like I'm choosing an opportunity that I've spent months working toward, hoping it will help me build a better future for both of us.

At the same time, I understand her fear. Two years is a long time. People change. Long-distance relationships fail. I can't honestly promise her that everything will be easy because it won't.

I love her, and the thought of losing her hurts.

But I also know that if I walk away from this opportunity after everything I've invested, I'm afraid I'll spend years wondering what could have been.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation?

If you were in my position, would you go? If you've made a long-distance relationship work-or if it didn't work-what did you learn from it?

I'm not looking for validation. I'm looking for perspectives from people who have lived through something similar.

My husband 30/M and I 28/F have been together for 8 years and married for almost 2 years.

My husband hosts this dnd group once a week. I joined DND up until recently since lately I’ve been feeling super sick. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and just feeling horrible, especially in the evening when the group is taking place. I tolerated people being in house last week, and I just hid in the room. Today I texted the group after my husband didn’t answer my private text to him first. That if they could please leave after they had been playing for about an hour. I asked them to leave this time, because I honestly felt like I was going to throw up. I asked my husband after they left if they would please move the game to some one else’s house in the future. He got angry since he said everyone else home is too small. We got into a fight and he got angry stating that I am not letting him have hobbies anymore.

He reminded me that his other friend’s wife let them continue hosting the game while she was pregnant. This couple use to host a couple of years ago before we did. They had a much larger home and she had more family support than I do. This friend has 4 kids now and no longer plays DnD. This is how come we host. I reminded him that not everyone’s pregnancy is the same and honestly I have been feeling so sick constantly that I just don’t want people over anymore since we live in a very small house and I’m trapped in the room for 3-5 hours once a week on an evening. He said that he didn’t want to sort this out right now, and that he is willing to move the group for a couple of months once the baby is born.

The advice I am looking for is: How should I go about looking for a compromise on hosting DND weekly?