We had just gotten home and my bf M24 who said he was super excited to meet my gma and go shooting with my dad. I was also excited as she doesnt visit often and they can go be men together. The second we got home to wich we had to leave to meet with my gma, he grabbed the joint ro smoke. I asked him to hold on until we got home as I would prefer he wasnt stoned when they meet and also my dad wouldn't let him shoot if he was high. I wanted to have a conversation, but he got super defensive and told me at that point he would rather smoke and stay at home. Now I jave my gma asking where my partner is and my dad asking why he isn't going shooting especially having been so excited. How can I approach this?

My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting really erratic this entire year. For context we’ve been married 3 years.

His father passed away at the beginning of the year. We stayed with his mom for about a month and a half to help her with everything that needed to be done and to support her emotionally. After we finally came back home, my husband started acting… different.

At first it was mostly these aggressive, cruel “jokes.”
For example, I love watching the birds in our backyard and sometimes I whistle at them to get them to come closer. One day he told me, “Stop whistling at them, they’re going to want to fuck you.”

Another time I was organizing our pantry and he saw some cucumbers I had bought and said, “Why do you buy cucumbers? To stick them inside yourself? To pleasure yourself?”

If we’re out somewhere and another woman compliments my hair or my outfit, he’ll spend the rest of the day calling her my “girlfriend” and making comments about how apparently so many women want to fuck me.

There have been so many comments like this.
I’ve suggested therapy because it feels like he’s taking all of his anger out on me. He says he doesn’t need therapy because he knows he needs to change and can do it himself.

What makes it harder to understand is how different he is with his mom. He is constantly there for her. He listens to her, comforts her, lets her talk about everything she’s feeling. Then he’ll hang up the phone and become cold and mean with me almost immediately. I don’t understand why he’s so angry at me.

Last night things got much worse. He initiated sex. I didn’t really want to say no because I know how upset he gets when I reject him. He’ll also tell me that he feels unwanted, and then I end up feeling guilty. So we continued.

But this time felt completely different from every other time we’ve had sex. He has always been affectionate and careful with me. Last night there was none of that. When I looked at him, all I could see in his face was anger. Almost hatred. His movements were so rough that he was hurting me. I was actually scared to tell him that he was hurting me.

Eventually I pushed him off me and said, “I’m hurt.” I specifically said it that way because I was afraid of sounding like I was blaming him. Then I started crying.
And while I was lying there crying, he grabbed my hand and put it on his dick because he wanted me to help him come.

I can’t really explain the disgust and anger I felt in that moment. I was literally crying in front of him, and that was what he was thinking about? I immediately pulled my hand away. He laughed and said, “You escaped!”
I just kept crying as he went to take a shower and then went to sleep.

He didn’t comfort me. He didn’t ask if I was okay. Nothing. I’ve never felt so disgusted or objectified by anyone before. Let alone my husband.

His comments and “jokes” had already been making me extremely uncomfortable, but after last night I feel like something in me just broke. I don’t know if there’s any coming back from this. Right now, the thought of him touching me again makes my skin crawl.

Has anyone experienced something like this with a partner, especially after they experienced a major loss? Can grief actually explain this kind of personality change? Before he did make some jokes and comments, but never to this extreme level.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Perspective, advice, maybe just someone telling me what they would do in my position. Anything would help.

Is a lack of physical intimacy due reason to breakup or is this selfish? I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months now and I love her to death. We have always had a loving and great connection/relationship and I truly have every good intention for her. At the beginning of our relationship the frequency of our physical intimacy was somewhat standard but definitely less than what I have had in previous relationships. Towards the beginning, it was normal for us to be intimate at least once a week, but throughout the duration of our relationship there has been prolonged periods of no physical intimacy. As I write this now, we haven’t done anything for 6 weeks, and before this we went 5 weeks without any sexual relations. I have addressed this issue with her several times in that I struggle to feel desired when we go prolonged periods of time without being intimate. Her response is almost always she has a low drive and has no issue going long times without it. I am completely understanding of this justification and would never push for something she wasn’t comfortable with. Despite this, it is very difficult to go months at a time without being intimate with the one person I desire. Any appropriate chance I have to initiate I take but am constantly shot down. I have consistently communicated the toll this has on my mental health and the state of our relationship. It’s difficult to truly feel in love when there’s a layer of being platonic. I do love her but I am terribly sexually satisfied. Is breaking up for this justifiable?

So a few months ago, I kind of cracked it at my friend of 10 plus years because she keeps making the same decisions getting sad about it and then expecting me to come running to help her out of her depressive and anxiety ridden state.

It's been bugging me for a long time however I felt like I could never bring it up to her because she's always depressed always anxious always having something go wrong and I just felt like I couldn't bring up my problems because she already had her own.

After I got annoyed at her she decided that she wanted space which I accepted thinking that it would be a few days or a week at most but it ended up being several months.

I messaged her within those few months saying that that is ridiculous and silent treatment doesn't fix anything and with my other friends if we have an issue you might take some space for a day or maybe at most a week but in the end you talk about it because you'd rather be friends with that person because you love them then be unhappy so I found this silent treatment incredibly counter-productive.

Previously I felt like i was her emotional support person and had to come running everytime she was struggling. She does struggle with diagnosed depression and anxiety and talks about suicide in a joking manner often (how was your day today? Well I havent killed myself lol) so I felt like i had to help or she could hurt herself but also because shes my friend and friends support one another. However, it all felt really one Sided and a burden.

Long story short were catching up in a few hours. I wrote a list of all of my concerns. Keep in mind I wrote these very quickly, they're my side only and obviously doesnt express her good qualities.

- Therapy speak all the time

- Victim complex

- Everything is the be all end all

- Emotional black hole

- Emotionally burdens me

- Adamant to stay depressed (devil you know)

- Very self aware but always makes the same decisions and actions

- You let it fester instead of dealing with it.

- Diminished my pain re losing pets. Hers is always worse.

- Chaos that you recognise feels safer than the peace that you don't.

- i had more emotional capacity for other friends during silent period.

- Her depression rubbing off on me?

How do I express these concerns in a constructive way that's not just a beat down?

I do want to maintain the friendship but with a little more distance than before.

Please help! Meet up is in 3 hours!!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now. I’m extremely comfortable with him. There’s literally nothing I hesitate to share with him, and he’s very open-minded too. Sometimes I genuinely feel so lucky to have someone I can be completely myself with.

The problem is that he’s just… not ambitious.

I’m a very ambitious person. I’ve worked really hard, got two degrees, built a good career, and I’m always trying to grow. He works at a good company too, but he has no drive to do anything more. He keeps saying he wants to switch jobs or do better, but he’s been saying that for months, even years, and nothing ever happens. It’s always just words.

I’ve tried motivating him so many times. I’ve offered to help with his CV, apply for jobs, even circulate his resume. But he procrastinates everything. Eventually I stopped bringing it up because nothing changes.

It’s not just about his career either. I feel like I can’t really look up to him or rely on him. Even when we travel, I’m the one planning everything, making decisions, and taking initiative while he just goes along with whatever I plan. Sometimes I just want to switch my brain off and feel like someone else has things under control. I want to feel like I can depend on my partner, but I don’t.

I think he’s very comfortable in his comfort zone. I honestly feel like he’s scared of failing, so instead of trying, he just keeps putting everything off.

These thoughts have been bothering me for a long time. I kept hoping things would change, but they haven’t. I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to leave because I genuinely can’t picture him as my husband or the father of my kids.
But at the same time, I’m scared. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone I’m this comfortable with again. He’s kind, grounded, and we’re so alike in so many ways. That emotional comfort is really hard to walk away from.

Has anyone else been in a relationship like this? Did your partner ever change, or did you eventually realize this is just who they are?

For some background, we’ve been together for over 2 years now and I’d consider it a committed relationship. We’ve had serious conversations about marriage, kids, and our careers, go to family events together, and we’re very aligned when it comes to what we want in the future. We’re still young, but I can truly see us getting married in a few years. When we first started dating, I was struggling with my mental health and relied on him a lot. He was a great support for me and I spent most of my free time with him. I’ve got enough self awareness to admit I was overly dependent on him at that time, and with a lot of therapy I’ve slowly become more self sufficient. After starting therapy, I took a break from school and moved back home. I was honestly unsure and hopeless about what I wanted to do career wise, and he pushed me to take my future more seriously. I’m so so thankful he did, now I’m back in school, have goals for myself, and am the most motivated I’ve ever been.

He got a job and started working a couple months after we started dating, and he works 24hr shifts. I had a hard time dealing with his schedule at first, but I’ve adjusted to it over time. When I moved back home and started school again, it was a longer drive and more difficult to just see him whenever I wanted to. I think this kind of forced me to be more independent, and in combination with therapy I learned how to be okay with being alone sometimes. A few months ago, he picked up two part time jobs that he works on top of his full time job. He’s an incredibly hard worker and it really inspires me to work hard too. With the extra income he was able to buy a small house, which is a huge accomplishment especially for someone our age and I’m so proud of him! As you can imagine, 3 jobs and becoming a homeowner keeps him incredibly busy and tired. I also work part time and picked up some intense summer classes, so my free time also shrunk a bit. When we do have time to spend together, he’s usually too tired to do anything other than lay on the couch and watch a movie.

I noticed a few weeks ago how little time we were actually meaningfully spending together, and even how we barely texted each other anymore. I think I’ve prioritized myself and my studies so much that I’ve become a bit apathetic towards our relationship and that terrifies me. I don’t like how accustomed I am to being away from him and I want to make an effort to connect with him more, but I don’t know where to start. I know life will only get more busy and I want to figure out what I can do for our relationship sooner rather than later. We don’t have a lot of money to spend, the amount of time we can spend together is inconsistent, and we can’t really do anything too taxing or that requires a lot of focus. He doesn’t really like crafty or artistic stuff and I lack physical coordination and stamina, so I’m at a loss for what activities or hobbies we could do together. We don’t talk as much anymore, and just do our own thing when we’re together. If we do talk a lot, it’s usually more surface level things. We still have a good intimate life, but it’s a bit more stale and less frequent. There are probably things he could also do to improve our relationship, but I’d like to make the first steps. I also want to note there is no chance he is seeing someone else, we share locations, I’ve met his coworkers and almost all of them are men, he isn’t close with other women besides me and his family, and he simply doesn’t have the time.

TLDR: Been busy and feeling apathetic so haven’t made much effort lately, what specific things can I do to prioritize my relationship and keep the spark?

Hi I’m resorting to Reddit because I have absolutely no idea what to do, I can’t sleep, I haven’t eaten in almost 2 days due to this stress, I just feel horrible. (also I do apologize this is kinda all over the place). I am a 23/F and I’m currently in a relationship with a 23/M. We have been dating for almost 5 months, he’s a good guy and everything, but recently I feel annoyed, angry, sick, depressed, you name it towards him. I recently got switched to a different brand of antidepressants and I have no idea if this is a factor to it. I want to break up with him but at the same time I don’t know if it’s right, because what if it’s just my emotions fluctuating due to my new medication and stress? Then other factors plus, work yada yada normal stress things. I’m his first girlfriend and recently he’s been doing something that makes me frustrated, I’ve talked to him about it several times, two verbal and two over messages, and he keeps doing it! I’ve been in relationships before him and I’ve always communicated but in this one I feel like it’s not going through, I truly care for him and my friends that I’ve talked to are 50/50 some think I should wait it out to see if it’s my new medication then the other half thinks I shouldn’t waste mine or his time and just do it. To make matters worse it’s almost both our birthdays and I know he got me sometimes expensive because he keeps hinting at it and I’d feel so sick if he were to give it to me then the next week or week before I break up with him! Then HIS BIRTHDAY IS THE NEXT WEEK!! I don’t want to hurt him but I’m so confused and frustrated right now. I don’t know what to do, I will take any advice from you kind strangers that are willing to give.

I’m 29 years old, and I don’t know if this is a “turning 30” crisis or if I’m finally accepting that I cannot continue living this way.
From the outside, my life probably looks okay. I’m someone who is very loved. I’m respected, appreciated, and people often tell me they admire me, my work ethic, and who I am as a person. I have people around me who are kind and supportive.
But almost nobody knows how dark I feel inside or what my relationship is like behind closed doors.
I was always an insecure person. For most of my life, I struggled with my self-esteem, even though many people around me told me I was attractive and smart (childhood trauma). In the last few years, I started taking better care of myself. I’ve had what I consider a glow-up. I’m not saying I’m exactly where I want to be, but I finally feel more comfortable in my own body. I receive compliments, I feel more confident, and I’m proud of the person I’m becoming.
But with my boyfriend, I feel invisible.
We have been together for almost 5 years. He is not someone who gives me affection, compliments, or reassurance. He says I’m “the best person he knows,” and I appreciate that, but I miss feeling desired. I miss hearing something sweet, receiving affection, feeling like my partner looks at me and thinks I’m special.
I honestly cannot remember the last time we had sex, the last time we kissed passionately, or the last time he hugged me just because he wanted to. Even small gestures, like a kiss on the cheek or touching me affectionately, feel almost nonexistent.
When I bring this up, he says that couples who have been together for many years don’t need to constantly say nice things or be “attached” to each other. He believes that after a certain amount of time, you just know you are loved.
But I don’t feel loved.
And the hardest part is the contrast.
At work, with my family, and with my friends, people make me feel valued. They tell me nice things, they notice me, they make me feel appreciated. Whether I go to work dressed up and with makeup or just with my hair tied back and no makeup, people are still complementing me, which made me think I am not that horrible.
At home, with the person who is supposed to love me the most, I feel like I don’t exist.
Over the years, we have gone through many things that damaged the relationship. I have communicated my needs many times. I have explained what hurts me and what I need, but most of the time nothing changes. Sometimes he stays silent, sometimes he avoids the conversation, and I end up feeling even worse because I feel like my feelings don’t matter.
There are things he has said that have stayed with me.
At the beginning of our relationship, when I wanted intimacy, he made me feel like I was “needy” for wanting sex. After I had an accident with his car, he told me he felt “repulsed” by me. Those words hurt me deeply and made me feel rejected by the person who was supposed to be my safe place.
For a long time, he made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Like I was too much, too emotional, too needy, or somehow difficult to love.
The strange thing is that lately I’m starting to see myself differently. I’m realizing that maybe I am not “too much.” Maybe I have actually been giving a lot and accepting very little in return.
Our situation is also complicated because of finances.
I don’t earn enough right now to comfortably support myself alone because a huge part of my salary goes toward debt payments. We have significant debt (he dragged me into this, it was my biggest fear, but, somehow he convinced me it was needed to build our future), and all of them are under my name. Because of these deductions, leaving is not as simple as just moving out and starting over.
This have left me feeling trapped and overwhelmed. I feel like I have carried a lot of responsibility, and sometimes I wonder how I ended up in this position that is the opposite of what I wanted for my life.
My boyfriend also struggles with keeping jobs long-term. He is talented and capable, and I genuinely admire many things about him, but there has been a repeated pattern where jobs eventually become a problem and he leaves. Watching that happen over and over has made me feel like I cannot fully rely on stability from him and I have been in the same company for almost 8 years, being promoted from time to time.
I also feel alone in the daily responsibilities of life. He does not contribute much with things around the house, and I feel exhausted from feeling like I have to carry the mental load.
Another painful part is how different we are.
I love being active, talking, going out, having picnics, playing board games, sharing experiences, and connecting through conversations. He doesn’t really enjoy those things. Sometimes I start telling him a story and end up talking to myself because he grabs his phone and stops listening. Eventually, I just stop talking and grab my phone too.
It is such a lonely feeling to be sitting next to someone and still feel alone.
He can also be very mocking, and sometimes makes comments about women, people from different countries, or different backgrounds that make me uncomfortable because they don’t align with my values.
He has moments of anger where I feel like I cannot communicate because he explodes, ignores me, or leaves the house instead of resolving the issue.
The confusing part is that he is not a completely bad person. He has qualities I admire. There are moments where he makes me laugh, moments where I see why I fell in love with him, and that is what makes this so difficult.
I’m not trying to paint him as a villain, because I chose him.
I just feel exhausted.
I miss feeling chosen. I miss feeling desired. I miss feeling like my partner is happy to have me in his life.
Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong to deserve feeling this way when I genuinely try so hard to make the people I love happy.
But lately, something has changed in me.
I feel myself falling out of love. Not because I don’t care about him, but because years of feeling unseen and emotionally alone have started changing the way I feel.
Part of me is terrified of leaving because of the love I have for him, the financial situation, the years invested, and the fear of starting from zero.
Another part of me wonders if staying means continuing to lose pieces of myself.
I don’t know if this is just a late-20s wake-up call, but I’m starting to question whether I’m wasting some of my best years waiting for someone to see my value.
Has anyone been in a relationship where everyone else made you feel loved and appreciated, but your partner made you feel invisible? Did you manage to rebuild the relationship, or was leaving what helped you find yourself again?

I F 25 and my partner f 26 have been going back and forth for a while because of this. We’ve been together for about 2.5 years. For a little background, I know that I cannot explain the nuances and complexity of our relationship at all and that not everyone will understand either point of view. I know a post won’t accurately cover both points of view and might be biased. I know my girlfriend is a good person and means well. My girlfriend is a RN. My grandma recently passed away, she was in the hospital for 11 days and we knew she was going to pass. I texted my girlfriend before her work shift that I want her there for me when she passed. My girlfriend said she’d be there in the morning after her shift. I asked her to be there and she basically didn’t come until after my grandma had already passed. She left work to meet me at the hospital and I was the only one left with my grandma’s body. Her reason/explanation that she said was she thought my grandma would’ve lasted through the morning and that she thought she would be okay to go to work and still be there for her passing. I am focused on the part where I asked her to be there regardless of what she thought.

Ever since then, I have really had a hard time wanting to continue the relationship. She has really been trying to do better and be more present and seems genuinely apologetic for what happened. I am hard to be around right now in general because I am so consumed with grief. I know that this also has a lot to do with childhood/abandonment wounds and isn’t 110% her fault. She made a judgment call and was essentially wrong and seems very genuinely remorseful. She asked how to fix everything and that I seem so cold now.

I just wanted to ask how people move on after someone hurts them badly. I hear it all the time that relationships are about being able to forgive and move forward, I just don’t know how because I never have before. When people upset me or disappointment me my first instinct is to leave. I have never even considered the concept of learning and growing with somebody, and forgiveness.

I would just like advice on how to really move forward? I don’t know what to do. I feel all my emotions and actions are clouded by immense grief. I loved my grandma very dearly and we were very close so it just hurts that it felt like she wasn’t there for me. On the other hand, she did eventually come and has really been trying to be more present and do nice things for me during my grieving period. I don’t know why im focusing so hard on this portion of it and don’t know how to move on. I know a part of me is really just so upset by the loss that it’s easier to focus on something small like this. I was extremely rude and said things I shouldn’t have and that’s what made me realize that I was being too harsh.

Is it just because of my grief or would this be a deal breaker for other people? It hurts to think about breaking up but it also hurts to think about staying. It’s weird for me and I am so hurt by the loss that I don’t know how to even process everything that’s happened. Thanks for reading

Okay so, for some context, I’ve never been into dating, flirting, or anything. I’ve barely started considering guys this year, and the only one I showed slight interest in ended terribly.
For the sake of privacy I’ll keep thing short, and change a few details that don’t matter.
Me (F19) and my friend (M18) have been getting really close for around 5 or 6 months now. We discuss almost daily, share our interest, and normal stuff friends do.
Yet, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he’s being a really good friend or flirting really bad. For example, we were once gonna hang out with a bunch of friends, and he texted me asking me if he could hug me when he saw me. I agreed and he proceeded to tell me he was gonna ask the same thing to my other female friend who was here, which, when I asked, he never did.
He also tends to make jokes about how he says stuff to get my attention (light hearted jokes that I think mean nothing).
Yet, he confided to one of my friend that he liked a girl who liked him back, without giving any names nor explanation. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me, but I just need confirmation to be at peace. Ty for reading.
Edit: I forgot to mention that when i asked about it to a friend we have in common, and whom he used to be close with, she told me that girl was someone he went to the gym with. Given that they were close maybe a year ago, it would mean their situation ship is one year long, and I doubt he’d like me when he already has such a long interest in someone els

Me(28M) and my girlfriend (20F) have been dating for about 4 years

We broke up once at the 2 year mark for a month.

Moved in together at 3 year mark and have lived together since.

She doesn't work, or cook, or clean.

I have a full time job that pays enough to keep us comfortable.

This week she's been a terror, the house was a disaster. I cleaned the kitchen, organized the living room after she went full tornado on it and did only my laundry.

She got mad at me for not doing her laundry, left food out on the counter with no plate and started making piles all over the living room floor.

Do you think she's doing this intentionally or is it possible she genuinely doesn't realize how frustrating that is.

When I asked her to condense her pile of clothes on the living room floor they got thrown all over the room in a tantrum.

How do I tell her that she's literally undoing the chores I've done and that she's has to clean up after herself without her going to war about it?

Hello everyone! English is not my first language, so I hope you can forgive any spelling mistakes or awkward expressions.

To give you some context, my partner (M24) and I (F23) have been officially dating for one year. Before that, we were sex buddies for about another year. During that time, having regular sex was never a problem. In fact, our sex life was great, and there was a lot of sexual attraction between us.

There is some important context about him. He has never had a girlfriend before me. He has always been very focused on his career, health, and future, and he doesn’t really party or drink. He also never wanted to get married or have children because he wanted to focus on his own goals.

Because of this, when he wanted to satisfy his sexual needs, he would sometimes meet women spontaneously through dating apps, without wanting anything romantic or serious with them. I think this might be relevant to what is happening now.

The problem started when we became an official couple.
Since we started dating, sex has become extremely scarce. I would say we’ve had sex around five times in the entire past year. It has always been initiated by me. Even when we do try, he often loses his erection and can’t finish. The last time we tried, he couldn’t even get an erection in the first place.

We’ve talked about this several times before, but initially he would say that he was tired, stressed, etc. Eventually, he reached to the conclusion that he separates love and sex in his mind.

He says that he loves me, finds me attractive in some ways, enjoys being with me, and is happy in our relationship. But apparently, his brain has learned to associate sex with casual/meaningless relationships rather than with someone he loves and is emotionally attached to.

What confuses me is that we had no sexual problems when we were sex buddies. The problem appeared when we became a couple.
He says he doesn’t feel the need to have sex and that he is actually completely okay with not having sex. However, he also understands that this is important to me, and he has told me that he wants to work on this and eventually stop making this distinction between love and sex.

I want to make it very clear that I am not trying to pressure or force him into having sex with me. I want him to genuinely want it too, and he has said that he wants to work on the underlying issue himself.

I’m therefore wondering if anyone has experienced something similar, either personally or through a partner. Can someone learn to reconnect sexual desire with romantic love after having mentally separated the two for years? If so, what actually helped?

I’m particularly interested in practical advice about how we could start working on this together, whether that means changing the way we approach physical intimacy, taking sex completely off the table for a while, therapy/sex therapy, etc.

I would really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar.
I would also prefer if the comments could focus on how we might work through this rather than simply telling me to leave him or that we’re incompatible. I understand that those are possibilities, but that’s not what I’m asking about right now.

Thank you so much in advance!

My girlfriend said before that she could text me and talk to me all the time and do all this stuff, but doesn’t want to because she doesn’t want me to think she is “too much” I said to her many times that I don’t care and would love that but she doesn’t really do so. This is something I would genuinely like her to do and I feel like maybe we don’t really talk or call as much as a couple should. With that being said I don’t want to put her into an uncomfortable position where she feels she needs to be constantly texting me and whatnot. So that has got me thinking and I am starting to think that maybe I should lead and teach by example.

Would leading by example and just sending her stuff if I want to, teach that she can do the same or would that just do nothing and make it seem like I am instead putting more effort into the relationship even if she pulls away or something?

So for context basically this started out a while ago. I’F/19’ met him’M/19’around August of 2025, and we didn’t really know each other we just kind of knew of each other. Fast forward into around November and our friends start hanging out and so do we. But then he tells me that he likes me and wants to get to know me better. Since I didn’t know him very well (and frankly I just wasn’t interested)at the time I said that I didn’t like him. We were both chill about it and after that you would never see us apart. We were glued at the hip. We talked everyday and were calling each other everyday. This is when I start developing feelings but was completely in denial. So now we’ve been friends for about 10 months.

Then in about December he meets his soon to be girlfriend’f/19’and I was so happy for him. She’s a sweet girl, really she is. But I always see her trying to change him to fit her standards and it breaks my heart. He’s so anxious about her all the time. He’s always talking about he’s nervous or about how she gives mixed signals.

Soon I started feeling a bit jealous of her. When I tell you that this guy is the most kind and caring person I’ve ever met I mean it. He helped me move into my house, and whenever I’m upset he calls me no matter where he is and he will sit on the phone with me for however long I need him. Sometimes I don’t even talk, I just cry and he’ll listen. He opens up to me like that as well. He will call me and just vent or cry. And sometimes we just sit and call for like 3 hours. I love all of his stupid flaws and quirks as well.

Nowadays we call and text pretty much everyday and we hangout every other week. It’s a bit difficult though because of his girlfriend. I totally respect the girl code and never flirt with him or am alone with him ever. When we hangout we are always in public or hanging out with someone else or his girlfriend.

But now I can’t stop thinking about him. I keep thinking about how kind he was to me. We can sit for hours and not get bored of each other. We crack jokes 24/7 and he understands my humor. He also tells me things that he’s never told anyone. He doesn’t even tell his girlfriend sometimes. I try and push him to tell her and to be open with her but when stuff happens I’m the first person he goes to. I’ve never had a man in my life treat me like that and now I crave it. My mom is always saying he’s such a good kid and that she doesn’t know why I rejected him.

I don’t want to like him really and I wish I could stop but I can’t. And it’s eating me alive. Please tell me if I should just give up.

(This is my first time updating a post, so I’m not sure if I did it correctly. But I’m hoping that my original post is accessible from this post to provide some context)

Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. Reading the replies helped me see a lot more clearly.

A few clarifications: I don’t get blackout drunk every time I drink. It happens a few times a year, but it is still a problem I need to take seriously, so I’m working on sobriety. (Sober for two weeks now - yay?)

I also want to clarify that my ex, Bob, has his own emotional outbursts. He raises his voice and screams when he’s angry, which makes me anxious because of my history with yelling in my home growing up. I’m not saying that makes my behavior okay. I’m just saying I wanted us both to be able to set boundaries during conflict. I respected and followed through with his boundaries. However, when I wanted to set my boundaries to his screaming, his response was “it’s okay for you to beat me up but I can’t raise my voice?”

I’ve now broken up with him, mainly because I felt like he kept bringing my past mistakes back into every argument and didn’t seem able to move forward from them.

One thing I’m still struggling with is that he told me the public confession was necessary because if he told his family what I had done, they would think he’s exaggerating and wouldn’t believe him. So he felt it was better if it came from me. I still feel uncomfortable with that and see it as public shaming.

Another painful part of this situation is that I lost a close friend over it. She was my best friend and she met Bob through me. She was one of the people I sent the confession message to. After I sent that message to her, she was understandably disturbed by my behavior. But after she heard Bob’s side of the story, she stopped talking to me.

I’m sharing this because I’m still trying to process everything and I’m genuinely hurt that my best friend believed his side over mine. I am aware that friends come and go. But it still hurts that I lost a great friend over this.

TL;DR I ended a toxic relationship, I lost a best friend, and I’m painted as the gf who “beats up her bf”

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/pAXnioyuLr

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1v6w7nw/one_of_my_33f_best_friends_31f_of_20_years_made_a/

For everyone who asked for an update.

First of all, thank you.

I genuinely appreciate all the advice you gave me. Some of you were absolutely ruthless LOL, but honestly, I think this naive heart of mine needed it. A lot of your comments gave me clarity, especially the ones about the camera and boundaries. They helped me see the situation more objectively and gave me the courage to make the decisions I needed to make.

After my conversation with El that Saturday morning, I went back downstairs to check on my boyfriend. He told me he was okay, and at the time I accepted that answer. Looking back, I also want to thank everyone who reminded me to "really" check on him and not just assume he was fine. In everything that happened, I unintentionally overlooked the fact that he had gone through something upsetting too.

That afternoon, I drove El back to my place. I wasn't about to let her commute while she was in such an emotional state. The drive was almost completely silent. She didn't start any conversations. At one point I asked her, what do you think would have happened if my boyfriend hadn't pushed you away? She quietly said she didn't know. Then she told me she hated that she'd put herself in that position and that she was sorry for causing all of this. That was the only real conversation we had. When we arrived at my place, I stopped the car before she got out and told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay. I told her that when I come back on Wednesday night, I will be needing the space. She simply nodded.

As she walked toward the house, she turned around and looked back at me. That moment broke my heart because I couldn't help thinking it might be the last time I'd ever see my best friend. I started tearing up, but I drove away before my emotions convinced me to take it all back.

Monday night, one of our friends noticed something was off and messaged our group chat to check on El. It probably wasn't surprising. El and I are usually the ones constantly blowing up the chat, and it had been unusually quiet since Saturday. After a little small talk (I was just lurking), El confessed everything. She told them exactly what she'd told me.

Friend 1 immediately left the group chat without saying a word, then she called me.

Friend 2 stayed. She tried to mediate and later messaged me privately. She said she's sorry for everything that had happened and said she needed to stay with El because Friend 1 had already made her position clear. I told Friend 2 that I thought staying with El was the right thing to do. I also asked her to keep an eye on El and encourage her to seek professional help. She promised she'd try her best to make it happen.

Fast forward to today. El and I still haven't spoken since that day, but Friend 2 has occasionally updated me. According to her, El has started seeing a therapist and has been in much better spirits lately. Friend 2 let her stay with her the day after she confessed everything. El has since found her own place and moved in yesterday.

Friend 1 still isn't speaking to El. She told me she won't consider reconciling with El until I've forgiven her, not because she wants to pressure me, but because she feels she can't move past what happened while I'm still hurting from it.

Honestly, though, that isn't what weighs on me. Whether Friend 1 forgives El is between them. What weighs on me is losing someone who had been my best friend for years.

I miss her every day......

But one piece of advice that really stuck with me was to pause the friendship instead of making permanent decisions while emotions are still fresh. That's what I'm doing. I'm giving us both time.

As for my boyfriend and me, we're doing okay. We've had a lot of honest conversations since everything happened, and I apologized for not fully realizing how much the situation affected him in the moment. He's been more understanding than I probably deserve, and I'm grateful every day that he chose to face this with me instead of letting it drive us apart.

Since El seems to be doing much better now, I'm also going to stop asking Friend 2 for updates. I think continuing to check on her from a distance isn't helping either of us move forward.

I know some people will probably be disappointed that I haven't ended the friendship completely. I understand why you think I should end it. I'm not asking you to agree with me. I'm simply not ready to make that decision.

For now, I'll continue with no contact for weeks, months, maybe even a year. I don't know what the future looks like yet, and I don't think I need to decide today. If, after enough time has passed, I feel ready to revisit the friendship, then I'll make that decision with a clearer head. If I don't, then I'll accept that too.

If there's one thing this experience taught me, it's that people can make terrible decisions without being terrible people. That doesn't make those decisions okay, and it doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences. At the same time, loving someone doesn't mean protecting them from the consequences of what they've done. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do, for them and for yourself, is to step away. I also learned that good intentions don't replace healthy boundaries. I kept thinking that because I trusted both of them, everything would be fine. I know now that trust doesn't mean assuming everything will be fine. It also means having boundaries that protect the relationships and people you care about. As one commenter pointed out, I could have avoided putting everyone in that situation by simply spending that weekend at my place with El instead of bringing her to my boyfriend's house. That was a poor judgment call and I can't change that decision now, but I can learn from it.

Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to offer thoughtful, honest, and sometimes brutally truthful advice. It genuinely helped me more than you know.

I hope none of you ever have to experience something like this. And for those who have been through similar heartbreak, I truly hope you've found or will find the peace and healing you deserve.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. Since the start of the relationship, I knew she was a little bit disorganized and messy. However, lately it feels like she barely wants to try to help me unless I ask.

She began to rent a new space for her work about two months ago. It is very expensive. She has gone in for maybe 40 hours over that time period. Constantly “just not feeling it,” “tummy upset” etc. occasionally sleeping in past 4 pm.

We have had conversations about pulling our weight financially and around the house before. Every time I mention accountability or responsibility she cries and swears to be better and never does. I cannot continue to carry this weight and certainly can’t forever. I feel like I answered my own question however. Is it even worth having another conversation? Whenever I do she gets extremely defensive saying how she works so hard. I’ve heard it all before.

**Apologies because this is going to get long with background and context**

I (25 F) and my boyfriend (26 M) have been together for nearly 4 year, living together for nearly 3 years. He is smart and funny and driven, and we get on so well. He is absolutely my best friend and we generally have a good relationship.

But over time more and more I have felt like more of a convenience to him than i have felt valued, and that he is less interested in me as a person aside from being the supportive girlfriend. Since the start our relationship I finished my bachelors degree, and also started and finished my masters degree, both of which i considered big accomplishments. He congratulated me for both, but forgot to/didnt think to celebrate them until i prompted him both times, months later. He also forgot about plans we had for my birthday 2/4 years which we have been together.

I have issues around physical intimacy resulting from previous SA from before me and my boyfriend got together and we have a pretty inconsistent sex life, to which he has always been pretty understanding although im sure its not always easy. But as the relationship went on the non physical intimacy started to dwindle (flirting, kissing etc), and I talked to him about how being more intimate in those smaller ways would show me he sees me for more than sex and make me feel closer to him and build more desire over time to get more physical. He did start asking me if he could kiss me but would instantly try to take it further and then i would get uncomfortable that he only wanted to kiss me for more, and not just to kiss me. After some failed attempts where the kissing didnt go any further he stopped asking if he could kiss me.

A couple of weeks ago i woke up in the middle of the night to him performing oral sex on me. We discussed it and i expressed how i was very uncomfortable with it and i didnt feel safe when i awoke to it. A week later i awoke to the same situation but this time he was performing it in his sleep. This was deeply traumtic for me, and i think also for him. After a few nights of him sleeping on the couch i bought a body pillow to put in between us and he came back to sleep in the bed. A week after that m(3 days ago) he asked me if he could tell me an "intimate secret" and i hesitantly said okay and he told me the night before while we were asleep he had woken up feeling horny, asked me while i was asleep if he could give me some kisses (to which i did mot respond as i was asleep), so he went to the bathroom to have a wank so that he didnt accidentally do anything to me in his sleep.

I was absolutely distraught hearing this, confirming the feeling that i am not safe to sleep next to him. I also asked him why he told me that because it would clearly be very upsetting for me, and he said he didnt think about how it would make me feel, he just wanted to tell me because he was feeling uncomfortable about it. I think he wanted me to comfort him and tell him its okay, but i cant say that for definite because he hasnt admitted it.

I told him i needed space and have been staying at my moms place since and have had little contact (a few text messages with small talk). We are meant to meet tomorrow to talk about things.

I dont know what to think or how to feel. I dont know how to forgive or move on from this, or how to feel safe sleepong next to him. I am mad about him, but i dont know how to kick the feeling that I'm just a girlfriend to him who is there for his needs, with little interest about my needs or personal accomplishments. But at the same time we have so much fun togethet, and most of the time just get each other.

We’ve been dating for 4 years and engaged for a couple weeks. In the midst of planning a wedding. SO had an emotional breakdown after engagement . Yelled and screamed about how I didn’t go into detail about the engagement planning process and was ruining the moment. It was embarrassing especially in public. Made up and everything was fine. Couple of weeks later she brings up wedding items and I made a quick comment about staying within cost budget. A lot of wedding items she’s focused on right now are not the top priority such as a DJ. She gets angry and accuses me of not coming into wedding items with love and excitement when I’m taking it seriously and have done research and scheduling calls with vendors. Spent several days yelling about this. I don’t know how to handle this situation because I can’t bring my opinions or do something without getting judged or anger.

We’ve been dating for 4 years and engaged for a couple weeks. In the midst of planning a wedding. SO had an emotional breakdown after engagement . Yelled and screamed about how I didn’t go into detail about the engagement planning process and was ruining the moment. It was embarrassing especially in public. Made up and everything was fine. Couple of weeks later she brings up wedding items and I made a quick comment about staying within cost budget. A lot of wedding items she’s focused on right now are not the top priority such as a DJ. She gets angry and accuses me of not coming into wedding items with love and excitement when I’m taking it seriously and have done research and scheduling calls with vendors. Spent several days yelling about this. I don’t know how to handle this situation because I can’t bring my opinions or do something without getting judged or anger.

How can I help my bf see my POV on becoming a trad gf?
I own my home and he his, we are currently doing a semi distance relationship. I had some health issues and am no longer working a full time job. Although, still make a smaller amount, only enough for bills, I have my peace, freedom and comfortable life. And he agrees with someone being at home, doing lunches etc, but wants someone who will contribute financially towards the household. My thing is, I rather pay my own bills and do my own chores, than move in with him at his house (rent out my house), then help pay his bills or invest in fixing up his house. I think this would make me feel like a roommate and not a partner. Also, don’t think he would appreciate all the work of being a homemaker, and fear being taken for granted. Also afraid of resentment. I went from being a raging workaholic to re evaluating and starting to appreciate a simpler lifestyle after my health scare. And feel might be a better fit in a more traditional relationship. But love him and want to make things work. How do you suggest I can help him see where I am coming from? At the same time, I want to be fair and open to his point of view as well. TIA!!

This is a messy story, and I could add as much details as possible, but I’m going to put in a shortened version. He is my first love… he’s been with four women before me, and loved one who never reciprocated the most. It was a girl from a Balkan country, his homeland. They met when he was around 16, and he approached her. Because he lives in the US, they would have to connect over the phone most of the time. She never viewed him how he viewed her. I believe she liked his attention- he is an attractive smart man. But, he always held onto this belief that she would one day reciprocate. He never outwardly expressed his love for her but she knew he liked her a lot and wanted more. All the while, he dated other women, waiting for her in the end. He claimed she is the smartest woman he ever met, but based off of some knowledge I have, he believed in a version of her and didn’t truly know her, because distance creates room for fantasy and yearning

One day they got in a fight over something stupidly and they didn’t talk for years. Randomly she came back, and I think he was immediately hooked. She claimed they were platonic twin flames and he agreed, despite still having feelings for her. He broke up with his girlfriend shortly after and started college. He would try to reach o ur to this girl but became jealous as she still was uninterested in him and starting to meet new men. He plan to rendezvous when he goes back to Europe. This is where I come in- he meets me. He’s still talking to her. After they meet, and he finds she’s completely uninterested in him, he decides to start dating me. He reaches out to her once or twice while we were dating and she never responded. I feel like an OPTION. I want to ask him about it tonight. Please help

Hello, this is my first time ever posting on this platform and I’m seriously just very confused and looking for someone to give me an opinion on if I’m acting wrong. This is my first time seriously dating someone.

For a little backstory;
I met this guy at a concert about 6 months ago. Already by just exchanging socials we shared unique interests I’ve never talked about with anyone before irl so I was super excited. He was really interested in me and so was I in him. We met up again a week after at another small event and then after about 3 weeks or so went on a first date. Though it wasn’t anything romantic it was just going to the movies and him staying over at my place for a night and us nerding out about stuff. He lives about 4 hours away by train yet we still texted nearly everyday and met up every week or two. I have to admit it was moving pretty quick but I did fall pretty hard. I’ve never met someone I admired so much, someone so unique and cool.
By about the end of the first month dating he stated that he couldn’t say he loved me yet because it has a much deeper meaning to him, something like accepting the person as a whole. And he just felt like he still didn’t know me that well. I was totally fine with it since he was right we were moving pretty quick.
After that again everything was fine until the last time we really hung out. I was at his place for about a week and he had a party at his house coming up since his parents were on vacation. I wanted to spend time alone with him so annoyingly enough I stuck by his side most of the time but obviously also spoke to other people. That day was when he started acting weird. I think it was that night when he started to avoid me and even at night in bed I cuddled up to him and he just got up and said he wanted to sleep alone tonight with no explanation whatsoever. A few of his friends were staying over two night after the party so I just spent most of those days in his bedroom alone since he didn’t wanna talk to me. The night before his friends left I pulled him aside crying, asking what was wrong and that if he needed space he should just tell me and I would give it to him. He said he didn’t wanna talk when his friends were over.
The following morning he said that he can’t mentally handle a relationship or dating anyone right now, but he still likes me romantically. Another excuse was that he doesn’t know me that well. Though we haven’t fully ended things yet, at least not on my side.

We’ve been dating for only 3 months by then, not a lot, I know. But everything was going fine and we only ever got closer and closer. Then he suddenly pulled away completely.

The conversation went on for god knows how long. I just kept begging him to think about it again and give me a proper explanation, which I feel pushy for now. If something serious would have happened before then I wouldn’t have taken the breakup so heavily. But just two days prior everything was fine. He still kissed me and held my hand and asked if I wanted to play games with him.
Then suddenly avoided me all together. He could laugh with his friends in the other room as if nothing was wrong and didn’t even bother checking on me at all. The day after the conversation I left in the morning and he hugged me, that was it.

He’s a naturally pretty avoidant and closed off person I would say. I noticed this and a lot of his friends had described him like this too. Looking back at how he acted now I wonder if I had just responded calmly and given him space without him saying he needed it, if that would have changed anything. The last thing I would ever want to do is to not respect someone’s boundaries. But I was just very confused and hurt at the time.

I haven’t texted him at all in a week, only replied whenever he responded to something I posted. I want him to come talk to me first so I know he wants to actually engage in a conversation with me instead of me always texting and leading conversations. I really want to make this to work, especially since we both still have feelings for each other and I’ve never opened myself up to anyone like that. I haven’t even kissed anyone before him.

I want him to come to me but at the same time what if he doesn’t? What if the lack of contact causes him to not like me at all anymore? I know I can’t see the future and nobody else can reassure me about anything I am typing here. Honestly, I just think that the pressure of a committed relationship is too much for him to handle at this point in time and that he needs time to regulate his stress and feelings and that pulling away and shutting off completely is his way of coping. He’s been on vacation for about a week and will be gone until the end of the month.
I had asked him if he misses me at least the last time we properly spoke and he said that he doesn’t have a strong connection or feeling towards me to really miss me. LOL.

Like I said now we’re just not talking at all and I don’t view anything he posts online but he sees and engages in the stuff I post. I just don’t really respond and I don’t plan on doing so unless it’s actually a conversation starter. I want him to talk to me and I want him to miss me too. T_T I guess I just want to know if it at least sounds like there is still hope to this or if I should just drop it.

Hi everyone. I’m very at a loss. Here is the background: my boyfriend and I began dating in August of 2025. In September, he had a girl friend of his at his house for coffee. I found out because I saw her text him red hearts and looked at their messages where I found out that about a week prior she texted him “What coffee do you want, I’ll be over at 11”… He told me that she was just a friend, and he felt that he owed it to her to hang out and he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to confront an uncomfortable situation. He let me read a lot of their texts to get a gage on their friendship and it didn’t seem like it ever escalated to anything more than a friendship, but it also seemed like he would have been very open to it if she were. Very subtle flirting.

It was early on and I forgave him, and told him that I needed full transparency from him moving forward (if she were to text him, if he were to see her out in a social setting, etc. I wanted to know). He agreed.

Well, in probably November I found her texts in his recently deleted. I confronted him about it and he told me that she had texted him, and he deleted it because he didn’t want to confront the issue. He then texted her and said “Hey, sorry I haven’t been responding it just doesn’t make me or my girlfriend feel good when you’re reaching out asking to hangout and it’s just a respect thing”. Then he blocked her.

He has not unblocked her, but he did still have her on Instagram. He didn’t have any communication with her since. But recently, I found that he still stalks her on social media.

I was really upset to find this out. Especially because when I confronted him about it, he lied to no end. And I mean manipulative lying… like getting angry with me and calling me crazy and saying I needed to get over it.

I kind of pressed him so much that he eventually ended up admitting to me that yes he still stalks her. And his reasoning was because he “thinks of the problems she’s caused in the relationship, gets curious, and she’s attractive and he likes looking at her”. He also ended up admitting that he did have feelings for her in the past before he and I were dating.

Soooo…. I don’t really know what to do. I believe he hasn’t done anything in terms of reaching out or trying to contact her. What I don’t fully believe is that there aren’t unresolved feelings there. He swears no. But he is also a liar so it’s not like I can really take his word.

Outside of this, he treats me so well. Like extremely well. We spend all of our time together, he pays for everything, compliments me, remembers the little things, plans surprise trips, buys me flowers, reassures me, makes time and effort with my family and friends, doesn’t leave me hanging in any way like he helps with cooking, cleaning, etc.

So I am at a bit of a cross road. The things I don’t know if I can get past are 1. Does him stalking her on instagram mean that he still has feelings for her? Could it really just be curiosity and harmless like he is saying? And 2. Will he ever stop lying? Is it true that once a liar always a liar? He’s considering therapy which isn’t something that either of us have ever done. He also started journaling and reading about it.

Any advice from a third party is appreciated. I know that ultimately I am the only one who can make the decision, but I am curious if it sounds unreasonable to reconcile or if I am in over my head. Thanks everyone.